Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

My Protector, My Rock...

James 4:2
"You have not because you ask not". AMEN

I've learned that everyone grieves differently. I've learned that my current tears and pain is OK. AMEN !

Listen Mr. Brown (in my authoritative voice). I'm sure your laughing because you always thought it was cute butthead.

It's going on 6 years and I'm doing ok. Its not easy, but I'm doing my best to cope.

I don't care what anyone says.... but a young boy needs his father (or father figure) and a young girl needs her mother (or a mother figure). I soooooo suck at this.

Now, I'm just praying that our son does well in life and no one takes advantage of him.

You were strong and talented. You did so well with JUSTICE and you were teaching him your talents. I always told you that GOD gifted you and....how anointed you were.
But with those gifts and spiritual light, darkness would always try to dim it.

.... but now.... our son is left with me. I'm strong, but can't teach him "bull-shiz-ni-eee".

I try to teach him healthy eating, but like you, NOW he barely ask "what's for dinner". I ask if he wants to go for a run and he always has something to do or his feet hurts. Again, DNA is strong.

We fight/disagree almost everyday because he wants to go be a young man and play, hang out, ride.. (yes, I allow him). He just wants be a boy and do boy things.
... he's now a 17 year old.. but I don't trust anyone, and he's the only thing I have left in my life so I smother him. Yes Babe.... he's 17. He was 11 when you transitioned. A freaking baby...

Ask GOD to help him, guide, him, and protect him. Heck, you have one-on-one contact with GOD now. LOL

Everyone who knew you, knew how strong and knowledgeable you were. Especially boats, dog training, Motorcycles, diving, (etc). The list is long and as everyone said... not the NORM for a black male. You never kept your talents to yourself. You were a blessing to others. We hear it often.

Fighting my fears, YES, as you can see, I let your son ride. It's really in the DNA. This kid is you allll day. He's amazing. Now I'm praying someone (a male mentor, GOD fearing, and TRUSTING) will pick up where you left off and teach him boating, fishing, "manly" things, etc. You know darn well, im not touching bait. YUCK !
I can't relying on YouTube for everything...LOL

One thing I know you're proud of...I took him to a Dolphins game recently and he was really in to it. SHOCKER !!!

He hasn't wanted to touch/see anything dealing with sports since your transition.

To me, that's a win !!! .... I'll try to go to more games but the Dolphins and there unnecessary losses... runs my blood pressure up as you know. It's also hot as heck. Geesh..

Babe, I still have my struggles because I can't except what happened. I'm always looking for closure. What happened does not make since. I was told that it will always be difficult because your transition to Heaven was sudden, without knowledge. "Freak accident"
I just feel something more. GOD knows.

Also, you were on an ATV, riding through neighborhoods on a detail, with improper tires, improper equipment, approved by the Department and your supervisor. However, I know you wouldn't have done it if you didn't feel it could be accomplished. That's how GOD designed you.

Through our spiritual bond, I called you before the transition. You told me what you were doing and I asked you why. Why on an ATV. As usual... LEO's are programmed to do what's asked of them.
We just except the assignment and move forward.

Citizens complained. There was a neighborhood problem and a solution was given. Regardless of who suggested the solution, proper protection was not provided. Proper protection existed but was not provided for you all. Could have happen to anyone on the squad... but it happened to you. You know I don't curse, but I'm still pissed the "french toast sticks" OFF.

I didn't understand, at the time, during your service...
why the Director stood up and screamed with his arms stretched out wide looking at me saying:
..."We failed you !.. Yes,, we failed you !".

Years later, I now understand what he was saying.

I later learned from multiple officers that our Department had proper helmets and did not provide them. I later learned your ATV had problems. Yes, law exists for riding with proper equipment...but with everything in LE, cost is always at the expense of the officer. The mud on our face is that the same area you guys were patrolling is worst now than before. No one has been over there since your detail so why the detail. With all drug locations a.k.a "dope holes" ... catching people with "baggies" is a temporary solution. Having a specialized unit specifically formed to stop the operations is different.

Only GOD knows if having the proper equipment/helmet would have helped.

I have to move on...and focus on the future... I go to work and come home. Unfortunately, I like being a loaner now. Letting people in is a gamble and I don't have the strength nor energy to lose anymore !


I'm sure GOD has told his angels &YOU;, times are rough down here for EVERYONE. Please ask GOD to assist me in keeping this roof over our heads. To keep paying the bills. I have a year left for 30 years but I'm afraid to enter the DROP or retire. Wondering if tomorrow I can sustain physically and financially for Justice and I. Life was easier because you took care of EVERYTHING. Now I have to handle things. LORD HELP US !!! AMEN

It's frightening and nerve wreaking but I will not give up.

On a POSITVE note.... I started back writing my poetry and back studying the WORD of GOD. It's been too long. I'm not consistent, but I started back. Also, because of what the HONOR GUARD did for you when you transitioned, I joined them.

What they did for you, I couldn't turn the opportunity down. It's not easy. You learn things when you are apart of it. OOOO boy. Everyone has their own motives and can sometimes lose focus of the "WHY/PURPOSE".

Serving with the Honor Guard and working with other agencis is priceless. The camaraderie and putting a smile on others faces is PRICELESS...

Babe...I know
.. I know... I know...
what you're saying about that. ..and... I receive it. But...I'm not giving up (for now). GODs got me Babe.

Justice and I miss you terribly. He doesn't like talking about the situation but here and there, he slips and says how he misses the things you guys use to do.

I'm doing my best but just know,.... darn it
.. darn it.... darn it...
GOD took a "great one".

HOW I WISH YOU WERE HERE!

MY PROTECTOR
MY ROCK
MY SON'S BEST FRIEND !

LOVE YOU TOO THE MOON AND BACK AND IT'S STILL DOESN'T DESCRIBE HOW MUCH!

Psalm 23
Psalm 91
Over your life and ours.

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

September 21, 2024

My LOVE
My LOVE
My LOVE

Today I made sure your yearly "Celebration of Life" was more positive and uplifting. We returned you back home to your station were we had your Memorial Service today.

5 years later and you still have a nice show of support from family and friends also your family in Blue.

I know you are constantly looking after us and smiling. You know I will always do my best to make sure you are not forgotten.

Your son is truly your twin. I hope you were proud today. You're memory lives on my LOVE.

I know you are in better place but I selfishly wish you never left us. There are not enough words to express how I feel with your absence.

NEVERFORGET5649

GOD you have my heart next to you...please heal the heart in my chest !
AMEN !

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

December 12, 2023

Hello MY LOVE...

Hard to believe it's going on 4 years...

I know you're doing great things for the LORD in HEAVEN.

I ask that you tell GOD to keep his soldiers and their family in prayer. Babe... we are losing alot of great people in the Law Enforcement...both on and off duty.

I continue to go through the normal crap as you did and our friends but as we promised... we will not allow it to consume us. We signed up to do GOD'S WILL... not man !

I did the run last year but Babe... I'm tired of people forgetting the ones who gave all...

Why not dedicate the day for each officer who gave all ????
It's not that hard.

I miss you more than life.

Just guide me with our son. It's not easy by myself.

LOVE YOU GALAXY's and beyond !

Until my LOVE...

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

November 13, 2022

Today marks three years.

In hopes of being happier and positive for our son this year, I'll be running three miles to your "going home" site. You would always smile when I finished running. I would love to see your smile today when I'm finished, but I know I'm going to feel your smile and presence. The mark of a true BOND!

The pain is still real.
In the three years, I've learn that my heart ❤ will never heal. I'm learning to cope little by little. Cope with the understanding that GOD needed you most and that one day will be together again. Continue to watch over me and your son. We miss and need you always.
Your loving - faithful wife.

#NEVER FORGET 5649
N E V E R !

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

December 12, 2021

I've learn to be careful on how you express yourself...
...to say how you hurt ...
....and still hurt
.....will cause "them" to show up at your door... and second guess yourself...

I've lossed my best friend...
...we both promised till the end....
....they promised you a street..
...I've yet to see.
.

I will not lose my shiz-ni-ee...
..GOD'S in control we'll see.

..you've been rejected for so long . .
I'm so glad you're safe with GOD.....
....your new home...


I can't take away the stuff you've been through...
... but looking down on me and your son. .....

YOU SEE HOW MUCH WE LOVE & MISS YOU !!!

I miss you my love

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

November 21, 2021

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

There will never be another love like ours.
Eternal my LOVE....
ETERNAL

UNTIL we reunite in HEAVEN....

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

June 6, 2021

Two years and it's still hard.

I thank GOD for blessing me with you. Your son and I miss you terribly. Trusting in GOD always, knowing that you're doing GREAT work in HEAVEN and here on earth. Thank you GOD for promoting my hubby in heaven. He's a true guardian angel !

LOVE YOU TO THE MOON MY LOVE!
#NEVERFORGET5649
#ETERNALLOVE

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

December 12, 2020

People will NEVER understand the loss to the FAMILY!

I WILL NEVER STOP ADVOCATING for YOU. I will never stop missing you. I will NEVER stop loving you.
You always said I WAS THAT STRONG ONE !!!

To every officer that is smart, tactical, keep getting passed over because your STRONG!!! and dependent upon....
DON'T STOP !!!

Keep being strong...
Keep trusting in GOD...
GOD SEE'S IT and you will be REWARDED in HEAVEN!!!

Where "man" denies you....
WOW.... !!!
GOD WILL HONOR AND REWARD YOU with wings that make an impact !!! It's all about doing GOD'S work. Don't get confused here on earth.

TRUST!!!!

Jermaine Thomas Brown !!!
#NEVERFORGET5649

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

October 18, 2020

My phone is set to remind me of your "Eternal Watch"...

I don't believe in "EOW"...
HELLO... GOOD BYE !!
Don't care what people think...

What I do know is...
we never THOUGHT "THIS" would cross our paths.....

But we always trusted in GOD.. ..

Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

I struggle but I'm STRONG in YOU !!!

CONTINUE to stay by me and your son !!!

LOVE YOU TO THE MOON BABE !!!

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

October 11, 2020

I LOVE YOU and miss you terribly.
You will never be forgotten Babe!

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

July 20, 2020

Hey Babe.
Unfortunately, we had another incident that does not represent our uniform or badge.

Please keep doing your great work from HEAVEN !!!


...One's action in uniform
Affects all who wear
The UNIFORM


SERVE with BROWN PRIDE ALWAYS
#NEVERFORGET5649

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

May 31, 2020

"Enough" by Fantasia (
tweaked by me)

The hours, they turn into seconds whenever I was with you
.....And it always felt like the minutes were running away from us, too

We could just live in each others arms, we never wanted to move
..'Cause the way that you loved me
It made me feel like I was brand new

You told me that we would stay here forever
.....And me, I foolishly believed
'Cause nothing can last as long as we want, baby (biblical)

But I just can't hide it, I wanted you to stay here with me

It's so hard to let you go
Baby, that's how I know it's real love

I fight, but my feelings show
They came rushing in just like a flood
..... OUR LOVE was so PURE like our veins filled with blood

I can't get enough 'cause I need you, baby, by my side..
You are my ROCK and Protecter ... MY HUMBLE PRIDE...

You gave me your ALL ...
And I always asked for more
'Cause forever just ain't long enough...
Now even more..

I'm drawn out to you like a moth to a flame
And I'll risk it all for you, baby, no, I ain't got no shame... #FACTS

You gave me your everything, I promise, baby, just like when you were physically here....
I'll do the same

I'll keep on being the woman you need and were proud of, I won't change...
The LOVE we had ...
Had no range...

Spiritual
Loyal
Fighter
Yes indeed...
Ride or Die...
You know that's me..

I'll keep your memory alive...
I won't change..

I love you beyond the moon...
Or as you would say...
"I LOVE YOU MORE "

AMEN !

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

May 23, 2020

It's the sunrise
And those brown eyes, yes
You're the one that I desire
When we wake up
And then we make love
It makes me feel so nice

You're my water when I'm stuck in the desert
You're the Tylenol I take when my head hurts
You're the sunshine on my life

I just wanna see how beautiful you are
You know that I see it
I know you're a star
Where you go I follow
No matter how far
If life is a movie
Then you're the best part, oh oh oh
You're the best part, oh oh oh
Best part

Besides finding CHRIST....
You will forever be THE BEST PART of my life !!!

.....keep doing your good work in HEAVEN Babe... that's who your are....

A ROCK & A PROTECTOR...
MY LOVE !!!

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

April 26, 2020

My ETERNAL LOVE....

Going down "our" Memory lane (name this song):

"Even when my skies were grey...
...you would rub me on back..
And say baby it would be ok...

Now that real to a wife like me BABY...never ever give my HEART away...

Your my .... "


Yep!!!
#NEVERFORGET5649

Love you to the MOON my LOVE!!!

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

March 26, 2020

My ETERNAL LOVE...

1 year & 3 mths....
Ask me if it gets easier???
It's doesn't...

God's Plan...
Have FAITH...
LOYALTY !!!

Love you to the moon!
Hope one day to tell OUR story.

#NEVERFORGET5649

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

March 12, 2020

I know you loved your Birthday Bash !

With every fiber in me, I will do my best to make sure your memory lives on.

It doesn't get easy !

MY Eternal Love...
I LOVE YOU BEYOND !

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

February 18, 2020

Darn I miss you !!!

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

January 17, 2020

SERGEANT BROWN !

Your 1st annual Toy Drive was a success. I was told that was the biggest turnout EVER !

Thanks to your NRU, MDPD, and South District Community family.

It's still NOT easy but everyone you impacted REMEMBERING and HONORING you with different events HELPS a million!

My goal is for everyone to always remember the FALLEN.

Love you to the moon and back.

#NEVERFORGET
#ETERNALLOVE
#NEVERGETSEASY

I LOVE YOU BABE !

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

December 23, 2019

My ROCK
My PROTECTOR
My GOD-given LOVE

You got your strips !
Words can't express how happy and proud I am of you.

Look how your MDPD & MDFR family honored and remembered you.... PRICELESS!

You were truly sent to us as an ANGEL ! We will do our best to keep honoring that.

#NEVERFORGET
#ETERNALLOVE
#NEVERGETSEASY

With every fiber in me.....
I LOVE YOU BABE !

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

December 14, 2019

My ROCK
My PROTECTOR
My GOD-given LOVE...

You got your strips!
Words can't express how happy and proud I am of you.

Look how your MDPD & MDFR family remembered and honored you... PRICELESS!

GOD IS SOOOOO GOOD in the mist of my pain !

#NEVERFORGET
#ETERNALLOVE
#NEVERGETSEASY

LOVE YOU BABE !!!

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

December 14, 2019

My brother Brown!
I still remember when I was a rookie officer and you rolled up in your K-9 car with triton. I froze for a brief second cause that car door flew open and he came running out and you looked at me started that deep Laugh “hahaha”

I remember the day god called you home and I was working patrol here in Texas and I called a few people and kept asking “is it true?” I know god has purpose for each of us brother and yours was so important that he called you home to be with him despite the hurt it would cause us to loose you but we know to be absent from here is to be present with the lord!

I will always remember our talks about watching my six while riding together in the “ridge” you will never be forgotten! May god bless your family and comfort them till they meet you @ the gates.

Officer B.Tomlin
Austin Police Department/ Former MDPD Officer

December 13, 2019

I just realized that has been 1 years since you left. You was a perfect neighbor for me and my family, always takes care of my little one, he still going to play with your son. There are like brothers. You left a wonderful son and wife behind to continue your legacy. We love your son.!!!!!! He is part of our family . We always will remember you. RIP

Surayma Pena
Neighbor

December 12, 2019

J, I remember the first day we were in roll call and no one wanted to ride with you and I volunteered, after that we were inseparable. We became brothers that day and we didnt even know it. It's been almost 1 year since you left and I'm still in disbelief. Just know that I think of you everyday. I truly miss you my brother. Patrolling isnt the same without you, the streets seem different.

I pray that your family is safe everyday. I hope to see you again soon my brother.

Ofc. B. Chang
MDPD

December 1, 2019

Never did I think we (my sister and I )would be living without our Hero. We called you for EVERYTHING! it's so hard talking to people about you without crying. I'm so glad that we never missed a chance to tell and show each other how much LOVE we have for one another. YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN!

Sgt. Emmely Bowling
Cousin

November 14, 2019

C8101

#5649

You will NEVER be forgotten !

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

October 16, 2019