Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Sometimes, I still wonder why. I know we each have our time here and then we are called home. God's plan can not always be understood, but I do trust that His plan is the one I want for me. Thank you again, Mark Beck for choosing me. We all miss you very much.
Love,
Michelle

Michelle Lees Beck
Widow

October 25, 2009

The only thing I can figure is that on 9-18-09, at 0130 hrs., if I was being called up to be with ya'll, K945 keyed up and said "You can disregard him ...I'm already here...I'll take care of it"..I know you and the guys were looking over us...Relic and I will continue to fight the fight..say hey to everyone.

Bill Clarida
Friend

September 22, 2009

So, you would have been 35 yesterday. I brought you some beautiful red and cream roses with blue thistle. You had many many birthday wishes from your friends. We were all thinking of you. I miss you. You are not forgotten.
Love,
Michelle

Michelle Beck
Widow

August 8, 2009

Hi again,
Just wanted to tell you that I was thinking of you. I went to see you yesterday for Father's Day. Austin and Bronson each left you a stepping stone they made. Austin's says, "#1 Dad" and Bronson's says, "I love you Dad". They are really pretty and I know you would be so proud of them. Carly was laid to rest just above you. I know that you will keep her close. Take care of her...Dale, Angela and Jennifer are counting on it. You are very special in many people's lives, Mark. I am so glad you were such a huge part of mine. I still thank God everyday for allowing me to have you even if it was only a short time. I have finally figured out that we all only have a short time and it's what we do in that time that counts. Your time here counted! I love you.
Michelle

Michelle Lees Beck
Widow

June 22, 2009

It is not possible to put into words how much you are missed. Whatever reason you were chosen that night, I will never understand. I pray everyday that somehow my need for understanding will subside and I can just be. Mark, I know that if you could still be here, you would be. I love you!
Michelle

Michelle Lees Beck
Widow

June 9, 2009

Hi Mark,
As I'm sure you know, D.C. was amazing. It was trying and emotional, but amazing. I can not begin to describe the magnitude of the events of that week. You know you were there in my heart and my soul. Thank you, Mark....for loving me, being my best friend, my soul mate, my husband and the man who chose to spend the rest of his life with me. There is a debt of gratitude in my heart for you that could never even begin to be repaid. I love you and I miss you everyday. YOU are my hero and always were, not just once you were gone. Keep your watch. I love you Mark Anthony Beck!
Michelle

Michelle Beck
widow

May 28, 2009

Hi Love,
I have thought of you heavily over the last couple of days. A deputy from EFSO died as the result of a head on collision. I could not help but think that he has joined you in God's Kingdom and his family and friends will be wondering why, just like I have all this time. You are so truly missed and loved. Not a day goes by that I don't talk about you and think about you. I still love you and I know that we will all be together again.

I am preparing to go to DC next month. Your name will be called for your final roll call and your name will permanently be reflected on that magnificent wall. You would be so amazed. Lynn will be staying with me during that week. You and Terry need to keep watch over us. Keep the evil off and make sure we see no harm.

I love you Mark Beck. You are not forgotten!
Michelle

Michelle Lees Beck
Wife

April 8, 2009

Mark,
Lyrics to this song came to mind & I wanted to post them. I'm not sure the troubled part would apply but it does not matter now. Whatever is going on down here, you are in a better place. You are thought of and missed more than you probably ever thought you would be. Till next time....



Go Rest High On That Mountain lyrics

I know your life on earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren't afraid to face the devil
You were no stranger to the rain

(Chorus)
Go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son

Oh, how we cried the day you left us
We gathered 'round your grave to grieve
I wish I could see the angels' faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing

Repeat (Chorus)

Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and the Son.

Bill Clarida
Friend

January 15, 2009

Dearest K9 Officer Beck,
May God continue to shine his beautiful face upon your family, BRPD, and friends.

Sincerely,

K9 Officer Paul Werth and "Dan"
USCBP Blaine, WA

January 15, 2009

Mark,

Thinking of you, Michelle, and your family today. I know that it must be an extremely difficult day for them. Not only is it Christmas, but also 10 months since you have entered Heaven. Please send some extra "Heavenly" love to all of them. Your Michelle is an incredible woman, and I am thankful to have her as a friend. Merry Christmas to you.

Love,
Lynn
fiancee' Det. Terry Melancon
E.O.W. 8-10-05

Anonymous

December 25, 2008

Joanne, you could not have found a better poem. I actually read it recently and thought it was pretty profound. Thank you for thinking of us.

Mark, I picked up the boys today. Austin and Bronson were so excited to see me. They were so awesome all day. I miss them sooooo much and it was very obvious that they miss me too. We had fun at the birthday party for Tristan and Cade. Austin and I rode in the fire truck together and Bronson rode in the other truck. It was really neat and I think you would have loved it. We talked about you a lot. They asked a lot about you and things you liked. It was nice to talk to them and have them ask so many questions. I guess so they can remember you better. I got to see Angela and Brady's new baby girl. She is so beautiful. I think Angela and Brady were both just smitten with her. Her name is Demi and she's so tiny. Anyway, the boys said they want to start coming to stay with me and that they want to see me more often. It really made me feel good. It was really nice that Angela let me get them. It really made my day.

Thinking about you and missing you.
Love forever,
Michelle

Michelle Beck
Widow

December 1, 2008

As the Holidays are approaching, I found myself thinking of you, Terry and Pat. I miss you guys a bunch. I haven't been writing to you as often as I should. I know you don't think I forgot about you though. I was looking on line for a poem that I had found earlier this year. I thought what a beautiful poem and this is probably what you all would say to your loved ones. I wasn't able to find that one, but this one is just as beautiful and still what you would say. So to all of your loved ones, here it is: I don't know the author though:


" I'm Spending Christmas with Jesus this Year"

I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below
with tiny lights like heaven stars
reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular
Please wipe away that that tear
For I'm spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year

I hear the many Christmas songs
That people hold so dear
O', the sounds of music can't compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

For I have no words to tell you
of the joy their voices bring
for it's beyond description
to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
but, through our memories so dear..
We're never far apart.

I can't tell you of the splendor
or the peace here in this place
Can you just imagine Christmas
with Our Savior.......face-to-face.

I'll ask him to light your spirit
As I tell him of your Love.
Then I'll pray for 'One another'
As you lift your eyes above.

So please let your heart be joyful
and let your spirit sing
for I'm spending Christmas in heaven
and I'm walking with the king.

Ofc. Joanne L. Fullwood
Baton Rouge City Police

November 28, 2008

Hi,
I was just sitting here and you popped into my thoughts. Not so uncommon, but it was the particular thought that just kinda made me laugh. Last week at the game, we cooked "Beck's Chili". Brady did a lot of the work after I added the secret ingredients. I made him where the apron!!! It was so funny and we joked about it all day. For some reason a vision of you in that apron just popped into my head and it made me laugh. That was a fun weekend, huh?

I'm still trying to talk Tricia and Brady into letting me have KK. They won't give her up. I love her so much. She is just hilarious.

I saw Jill and William the other day and believe it or not, Brian managed to produce a beautiful baby...lol.

So, Cade and Tristan are getting really big. Cade would crack you up. Their birthday party is next weekend. I'm hoping to be able to take them to the party since Angela will have just had her baby. I asked her about it so hopefully it will work out.

I really miss you and wish you were here. Everyone really misses you. Keep watch over us and remember that I love you.

Michelle
"Mrs. Beck"

Michelle Beck
Widow

November 20, 2008

Hello Dear TWIN BROTHER

Well last Sunday we went to Bronson's birthday party and I believe they all had a blast. It was a Kung Fu party and I really enjoyed watching Austin and Bronson learning moves and spending time with them. Bronson reminds me of you in so many ways it's not funny and Jacob too. I have had co-workers tell me that Jacob looks like you and Bronson looks like me -- isn't that funny but oh so sweet at the same time. Speaking of looks -- I had a Sheriff tell Jacob that he really looks like Uncle Mark and that just made Jacob smile so big from ear to ear. Austin is showing signs of you in his drawings -- he is so awesome and talented when it comes to art just like you were growing up and I remember you picking on me saying that I couldn't draw worth anything -- you always gave me a hard time about that. Mom gave Jacob a blanket with two angels on it and told him that when he wraps up in the blanket that you would have your wings around him so every time now when he covers up with it he says "Uncle Mark has his wings wrapped around me" and he has to sleep with it every night. ML gave me your old Action Sports 3-D Archery t-shirt to wash and give to the boys and I did plus ML gave Austin a box of markers, pencils, pens, highlighters, etc. that dad had in a box for him to use for his drawings.

I know you can see us down her and I know you are proud of Austin, Bronson, and Jacob along with others down here that are doing whats right for everyone and being kind to all.

Please keep a watch over us and tell Dad hello. Until we meet again on the other side continue being your special one's Guardian Angel.

Love you always dear TWIN,
Marcia Beck

Marcia Beck Duhon
Twin Sister

November 13, 2008

Hello Dear Twin Brother,

I know you're doing well and better than ever where you are now. I wanted you to know that Bronson and I had a great time Thursday (11/06/08) on his school field trip -- we went to the corn maze. I let him navigate and I believe he really enjoyed that. We caught up with the crowd at one time and Bronson didn't like that -- he said he wanted to be by ourselves so he could get lost in the maze so eventually I let him steer us the wrong way so he could get lost, however, there was someone on a platform type thing way above the corn maze to help those whom were getting lost. It was a wonderful trip with him and I think we both needed that.

Jacob is missing you terribly along with myself. When we go outside at night to take Nero out he brings a flashlight to see where he's walking and then he'll shine it up into the sky and say "Unlce Mark -- we're down here were the light is" and one time when we went outside to leave for school he looked up raised his hands in the air and said "I love you Unlce Mark". Every single officer that we see Jacob tells them that he is going to be like them when he grows up and they had career day at school and he brought his handcuffs, badge, hat, etc. to show that he was going to be a police officer when he grows up. He'll tell me just out of the blue "Momma -- I miss Unlce Mark" and "Momma -- I love uncle Mark" so last Saturday Jacob and I went to your grave and Jacob wrote a note. On one side of the paper he wrote "Uncle Mark this is for you -- I love you so much" and drew a picture of 3 people and in the middle was an angel with a halo and on one side was Jacob and on the other side was me. On the other side he wrote squiggly lines and said that it read "Paw Paw Beck -- momma misses you so much and we love you" and also drew a picture with 3 people. We tied the note to a balloon and sent it off from your grave for you to catch and while releasing it Jacob said "Uncle Mark -- this is for you" so hopefully you caught the balloon and read it. Jacob asked if Jesus was going to let you come visit us for Christmas and it breaks my heart to hear him and not know what to say.

Continue watching over us and being my Gaudian Angel. I love and miss you so much.

Your twin,
Marcia Leigh

Marcia Beck Duhon
Twin Sister

November 7, 2008

Mark,
After seeing the couple of songs and poems left by some very sweet anonymous friends, I thought about this song. Michelle Courtney sent it to me right after you died. She knew the me before you and knew how you saved me. I just wanted to share it with you. It's the song "Because You Loved Me" by Celine Dion. I think of you everytime I hear it.
I love you,
Michelle

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through, through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith cause you believed
Im everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I dont know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith cause you believed
Im everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
Youve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

Michelle
Wife

November 6, 2008

Hi,
I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to the Critical Incident Debriefing school. You know I always had an interest in it, but now more than ever. After you died I went to the debriefing that BRPD did for it's officers and they allowed me to be there. It was amazing and I really want to be a part of it. Knowing what I've been through as a police officer and a police officer's widow, I think I would really have a lot to offer. I really can't think of a better way to volunteer any of my time. I know this will make you proud. I am so excited about it. Scared, but excited.
Austin and Bronson are doing okay. Keep watching over them. I talk to Angela regularly and she'll be having her baby girl soon. I think she's really happy. She and Brady seem to be good together and I'm glad he is there for the boys. I know it's not you, their DAD, but he is good to them. The boys won't play basketball this year since the baby will just be getting here. It will be a lot to handle. You know how the practices and games are. I think they will start back with baseball in the spring and hopefully football in the fall.
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you about the CID training. When I found out I could go to the school I wanted to grab the phone and call you. Crazy, huh? Anyway, I love you and miss you. Keep your watch over us.
I love you,
Michelle
"Mrs. Beck"

Michelle Beck
Wife

November 6, 2008

Verse 1
It was two weeks after the day she turned 18
all dressed in white, going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat,
six pence in her shoe
something borrowed something *blue*
and when the church doors opened up wide she put her veil down trying to hide the tears oh
she just couldn't believe it
she heard the trumpets from the military band and the flowers fell out of her hands

Chorus
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I cant even breathe
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

Verse 2
The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
lord please lift his soul and heal this hurt
then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard
then they handed her a folded up flag and
she held on to all she had left of him oh and what could've been
and then guns rang one last shot and it felt like a bullet in her heart

Chorus
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
Ohh i'll never know
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

Oh this is just a dream
just a dream, ya [fading out]

Carrie Underwood

Anonymous

November 5, 2008

My heart goes out to all the family. I have walked in your shoes. I met your mom and dad at parents retreat. My heart ached for them both especially your mom..As a mom i could relate to her pain. It will never go away.

Deputy Altman's mom EOW 01-30-2007

Deputy Mom

November 5, 2008

I know there will come a time we'll smile when we think of you. The pain of you being taken will be less and the tears will be fewer. The laughter and funny stories will take over instead. We all miss you so much and it hurts each of us in very different ways. I know, with all of my being, that things will be okay for all of us. I love you and am blessed to have had you in my life...even for our short time. I wouldn't have changed a thing.

I love you,
Michelle

Michelle Beck
Wife

November 3, 2008

Dear Mark,

Well.....Lil Higgy is finally here! He was born 10-7-08 at 12:58am- We wish you could see him-he is so freaking perfect. Most people say he looks just like Brian, but has my attitude. Michelle took pictures and video of the whole birth. She is going to give him plenty hugs and kisses for you xoxo

Higgy and Jill

November 2, 2008

Hi,
I was thinking about you...not so unusual. I was thinking how so many things coincide with grief and healing. Initially your grave was covered with dirt in clumps and really with no form...only chaos. That's how I felt on that day...no form, clumps, chaos.

After a period of time, the dirt began to settle and got a little smoother. I realized that around this time, I started to feel a little smoother, less chaotic. I felt like I could breathe again, although it still wasn't easy.

Over time the dirt continued to settle and eventually I noticed small sprigs of grass coming up, maybe to represent new life and regrowth. Looking back, this is the point I recall feeling like I could live again. When you died, my life died. You were everything I knew. Everything changed in that one moment and I no longer had my life. I had the remnants of our life. I began to realize that I can't and won't be the living dead, although I very much wanted to be.

Your grave is now completely covered with grass except a small area at the top where we leave things for you. I can finally sleep in the house alone and not feel like I'm going to suffocate. For so long I slept on the couch. When I finally started sleeping in the bed again, I made Danae sleep with me or at least sleep with our bedroom doors open. I can finally close the door. I still have my times that I beg her to stay home with me, but it gets less tormenting over time.

I will never get over you being taken away. I will never stop loving you and I will never stop missing you. You are the topic of so many of my conversations. I have a feeling that you always will be. I just read on your reflections that someone from BRPD said they couldn't understand why. They said that we had no one to go after, chase, catch, punish...you were just gone with no explanation. I think this may be the hardest part other than the fact that you just aren't here anymore. Anyway, I just wanted to say, I'm here and I miss you. I love you very much and can't wait for the day that we ALL get to see you again.

Love forever,
Michelle
"Mrs. Beck"

Michelle Beck
Wife

October 29, 2008

To Michelle,

Over Mountains
Over Trees
Over Oceans
Over Seas
I'll be there

In a whisper on the wind
On the smile of a new friend
Just think of me
And I'll be there

Don't be afraid, oh my love
I'll be watching you from above
And I'd give all the world tonight,
To be with you
Because I'm on your side,
And I still care
I may have died,
But I've gone nowhere
Just think of me,
And I'll be there

On the edge of a waking dream
Over Rivers
Over Streams
Through Wind and Rain
I'll be there

Across the wide and open sky
Thousands of miles I'd fly
To be with you
I'll be there

Don't be afraid, oh my love
I'll be watching you from above
And I'd give all the world tonight,
To be with you
Because I'm on your side,
And I still care
I may have died,
But I've gone nowhere
Just think of me,
And I'll be there

In the breath of a wind that sighs
Oh, there's no need to cry
Just think of me,
And I'll be there

Just look for me
and in small ways
I'll let you know
We're not apart...
When you need me most
I'll Be There.

Anonymous

October 29, 2008

We go through our daily lives, such a brave face, not realizing how the unexpected loss effects you. There was no bad guy to go after..No one to chase, catch, punish.
Just truly wondering why it happened. I've seen my share of unexplainable tragedies. I am finding it especially difficult lately to just chalk it up to "GOD has his reason" and leave it at that. Make no mistake. I believe in GOD and a higher power and I believe you are there next to him. I just do not understand why. Bless your family, Michelle, Bronson, Austin, parents, sister. We miss you Mark.

Friend
BRPD

October 26, 2008

Hey love,
I wanted to let you know that William was born on Oct 7th. Crazy, but he was born 32 weeks and 41 minutes after you were pronounced. I was so honored to be there in the room with Jill and Brian. I saw his precious face the minute he saw his new world for the first time. Mark, he's so beautiful. You would be crazy about him. Oh, and I was so proud of Jill. Even after 12 hours of labor, she still looked amazing and she really handled it all like a champ. Of course, I cried...out of joy and out of wishing you were there. Anyway, I miss you and think of you everyday. I love you and always will.
Michelle
"Mrs. Beck"

Michelle Beck
Wife

October 18, 2008