Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Merry Christmas Dad.
Love you..

Jessica
Daughter

December 28, 2016

Dad,
As usual, so much has happened. 10 years. 10 years without you here with us. 10 years mom has had to do this all alone. Life isn't fair, that's for sure. I wish more than anything you could kiss mom goodbye before you left for work, email Tyler and then be so proud to tell everyone how amazing of a missionary he is, teach Kaylee how to drive and seriously have to clean your guns more often...be so excited with Ashlee and her little fur babies. I wish you were here to give blessings whenever we needed them, and always turn us to our Heavenly Father. I wish you were here to be able to help mom cook and clean, and learn how to cook gluten free. Dad, I wish you were here for everything. I can't help but think that all of our health issues have been brought on by stress and grief. What other 12 year old can't go to school because she can't stand up in the morning without fear of falling over? Please help and guide mom in finding the right people for Ashlee.
Dad, I'm so grateful for my husband. He is good. So good. He treats me like he should. I know you would love him.
Christmas is fast approaching. Your favorite time of the year. I can only imagine the lights that you've decorated your mansion with, in Heaven.
We did trees for charity again this year. I felt awful that I didn't feel well enough to go and help mom. We did it for the Shurtz family. James was accidentally shot in February. He has a young wife, and at the time, 7 month old twins. They are a sweet and adorable family.
Another officer was killed in Utah. He's 31, LDS, has 3 young boys and a wife. He was accidentally hit by a car as he was trying to fix power lines. His angel day is the same day as yours. There was a news article saying that a few weeks ago he was in his yard putting up Christmas lights with his boys. My heart always aches for the families of fallen officers, but even more when they are here in Utah. But, Eric Ellsworth's death hits really close to home. For so many reasons. I pray that his family is watched over. I hope the community, UHP and family takes better care of them, than we've been taken care of.
Dad, you know that you are my hero. But mom is too. She is the strongest woman I know. She's been out through so much. She was cheated out of time with you. I don't know how she does what she does. I love her so much. I hope I didn't hurt you in defending her. I don't know how I would have though, you would have done the same.
I love you dad. Have a very Merry Christmas in Heaven.

Jessica
Daughter

December 5, 2016

10 years ago we had our last family home evening together. There was no way to know what would happen the next day. I can't even put into words all the pain, heartache, trials that your passing has caused to us. The kids and I have tried to maintain a positive attitude and smile even when our hearts are breaking. I know that is what you would want is for us to keep living in a way you can be proud. I'm pretty sure you are. You are so very loved and missed. The kids and I had a 10 year memorial program last night for you. We want you to be remember by our community that you served. I love you forever and always my sweet Kevin.

Holley Orr
Wife

November 21, 2016

Daddy,
I've started to write so many times. I have oh so many things I wish I could tell you. So many stories I'd love to share. So many problems that I wish I had your help on. It doesn't seem possible, that it will soon be ten years...
Wednesday is my last day at work. I can't do it anymore. My body is tired, and not in very good shape. It almost pains me more to have to quit something, than the actually pain hurts. The thought of an unknown future, because of my body, terrifies me. I don't know how things will ever work out.
Daddy, I am so sorry that I have removed people from my life. I'm not as strong as mom is. But let me tell you, this is the first year, in ten years, that I've felt a peace. It hasn't been made into a competition to see who misses you more. For that, I'm sorry. I just wish everyone could accept that we all miss you. I wish everyone could see that mom was jipped the most. You are her eternal companion. Yeah, others marriages might not mean much to them, but you guys are an example to so many. Everyone that truly knows you, knows how much you love mom. How she is your best friend. I just wish for once, she was treated by others, the way they should treat her.
Daddy, I've been married now for over a year. So many times...I've wished you could physically meet Donovan. I honestly don't know what I've done in my life to deserve him. He helps me with everything. Everything I can't do. He loves me when it's hard for me to love myself.
Thursday was Kaylee's 15th birthday. I'm sure you are so very proud of her. Whenever we're together, I see so much of you in her. But then again, I see so much of you in Tyler and Ashlee too. Kaylee has grown into a strong and beautiful young woman. Not gonna lie, I'm terrified for her to turn 16...

I love you dad. Please continue to watch over us these next few months. I love you muchly.

Jessica
Daughter

October 22, 2016

I love you Kevin.

Wife

August 6, 2016

I never do anything right. As hard as I try to please people I'm the one who always gets hurt. I wish when I was sad you could come and rescue me. What I would give for a hug from you.
My heart breaks for the life we had. It was perfect. I love you Kevin.

Holley

July 26, 2016

Daddy,
Happy Father's Day. I can't even begin to express how much I love you. Thank you for your example in everything.

On a different note...Isn't it sad how your opinions on a certain organization don't change after 10 years? I guess treating people poorly is their specialty. I'm just frustrated... Anyway, I love you

Jessica
Daughter

June 17, 2016

Dear Kevin
I am missing you so much.
I think about you all the time.
Why I can't have you here.
What life would be like if you hadn't passed away
I wonder how much others even think of you now.
Everyone's life's went on and continue to go on.
My life was forever changed.
I love you more than words can even begin to express.

Holley
Wife

April 18, 2016

Daddy,
I just wanted to write to you. This past weekend we celebrated your birthday. I wish you could have celebrated with us. I love you. I'm thankful for the knowledge that we will see you again one day.
Love you, miss you

Jessica
Daughter

March 24, 2016

Happy Birthday my dear Kevin. I love you more than words can express. I miss sharing life with you my best friend.

Holley
Wife

March 18, 2016

Daddy.
I really miss you right now... I wish you could be here to just give me a hug.
Love you...

Jessica
Daughter

January 29, 2016

I can be surrounded by family and still feel so alone. I miss you so much. I love you.

Wife

January 24, 2016

Thinking of your family today. I hope they are doing well... God speed.

Slade Gurr
Friend/Admirer

January 8, 2016

Merry Christmas in Heaven my sweet Kevin. I love you.

Wife

December 26, 2015

Just made it through my 10th Christmas without you. I feel SO cheated out not having you here. I have never let the kids know how hard Christmas is for me. I have wanted to make it the best for them. I have always put them first, thinking of them and trying to make their lives the best they could be. I always put myself last. I miss you here to put me first. I miss you here to comfort me. It is so hard. I miss you. I love you.

Wife

December 26, 2015

My sweet Kevin,
I am missing you so much tonight. I feel so alone. I need to talk to you...

Holley

December 11, 2015

My Sweet Kevin.
9 years...So much has happened since that terrible day.
As I left the hospital I knew I was going home to 4 little children that would grow up without their dad here for SO many things. I promised you that I would make sure the kids remembered you. I have kept my promise.Ashlee and Kaylee were so young, but they love you so much. I remember a week after your funeral Ashlee standing in the entryway saying, "Da- da at?" How could a 2 year old understand what happened when I did not understand. She sobbed and sobbed. Yelling, "No, my da-da. I want my da-da I will never forget the moment I woke Tyler up to tell him that you did not make it. The weight of the world had been placed on a little boys shoulders. He grew up overnight. The carefree life that he had know, no longer existed. Jessica took on more responsibility than an 11 year old girl should have to endure. She listened to me as I needed someone to talk to about all the CRAP that came from your passing. MOST of it did not even need to take place. But because of others choices, I was put through hell and back. She listened to me and let me vent. Kaylee worried and held in emotions in that have effected her long term. I lost health insurance, lost friends, lost family, was judged, have had some cruel things said and done to us. Life has dealt one problem after another with health issues for the kids. I lost you, my best friend, the one I talked to about my day, I miss hearing about your day, I miss seeing your excitement in the things the kids do and say. I miss my companion, my biggest fan, my lover, I miss hearing you tell me how much you love me. I miss you calling me, I miss you bringing me flowers home, I miss you walking though the door, I miss your help, I miss having you in the same room, I miss your smile, I miss you laugh, I miss your voice. I miss doing things together. I miss playing games together as a family. The kids have been through so many things that they needed you here for physically. Yes everyone tells them you are here and aware (what a comfort that is) but what Jessica would have given to gave you a hug after she got married. All her friends, cousins, get to do that. Tyler really needs you now. He needs you. He needs your advice, your help. Please help him. I can't do it. Kaylee and Ashlee got cheated out on time with you. They needed their dad in our home, to see what a loving relationship is like. They have not had many examples of that.
I learned who has cared. I have learned who kept their word to you. I have learned who will let me talk about you to them.
I am so thankful that we love each other and showed it to each other so I do not have to live with guilt.
I am thankful that you did everything to make sure the kids are would be taken care of while you were here and since you passed. Thank-you for choosing me to be your wife, eternal companion and best friend. Thank-you for all you do for me.
I love you my eternal companion.

Holley
wife

November 22, 2015

Daddy,
Well... Your little girl is all grown up. Last Thursday, I was sealed for time and all eternity, to the love of my life. Daddy, I'm married. I'm Jessica Anderson, now. It was such a bittersweet day. As I sat in the brides room at the temple, it hit me. It was the day that all little girls can't wait for. I was a princess. But, it was the day I'd dreaded for almost 9 years. We'd realized you'd be absent for baptisms, first days of school, piano and dance recitals, sports games, first dates, graduation, mission calls, temple endowments, entering the MTC, and so many other countless little things. But your wedding day should be the happiest day of your life, without a hesitation... I missed you. So, so much. But, as President Robb sealed us, he reminded us that our marriage will last far beyond this mortal life. And for that, I was grateful. Because not only our marriage, but yours and moms. I know you were there. I just wish, you could have physically joined us.
Daddy, it was such a happy day. It was beautiful, and perfect. I'm grateful for the example of you and mom and teaching me that I should never settle for less than perfect. Less than eternity.
I love you daddy. I'll always be your little girl. I'll always miss you. I'll continue to send you little red balloons...
Love you,
Jessica Orr Anderson

Jessica
Daughter

October 19, 2015

Today our little girl is getting married. Please be with her.

Holley
Wife

October 8, 2015

My love.
So many changes have happened in our family.
I finally have grieved for myself. Since November 21, 2006. I just grieved for the kids and how much they would miss not having their daddy here. It has been so hard to come to terms that I will be alone someday. The kids will have their own families. Not that they will not always miss you because they will. I just have felt so alone. I did not realize how much I have truly missed out on. I can be in a crowded room and feel so alone. I can be sitting on the couch and feel so alone. I relied on Jessica and Tyler way too much because I'm so lost without them. I really do not know how I will make it, I am 41. I was 32 when you passed. I feel so cheated tonight. I can handle most things, but loneliness is the hardest to deal with.
I love you and always will. I will miss you until I'm with you again.

Holley
Wife

October 5, 2015

Daddy,
"Now that little girl
Is all grown up
But she still finds the time
To keep in touch
I miss you, Dad
How are things in Heaven?
I'm gettin' married next July
I wish you could'a met him
What I'd give to have you here
To see my dreams come true
I guess I'll just keep sendin' you these
Little red balloons
I miss you, Dad
I miss you, Dad"

I'm engaged. Donovan asked me to marry him, for time and all eternity, this past Saturday. We decided to be sealed in the Salt Lake temple on October 8. I wish more than anything you could be here. For all of us. Especially mom. I can't even begin to imagine what she has had to experience these past 8 1/2+ years. She is truly my hero... Please, if it's possible, be nearer to her this Wednesday. Your 22nd anniversary.
Daddy, I wish you could meet him. I wish I could see you both laugh and smile. I just miss you.
I will always love and miss you. You will forever be this little girls, first love.
Love you...
Me

Jessica
Daughter

August 11, 2015

As our 22nd anniversary approaches I feel so cheated that I only got you here for 13 of them. This will be the 9th one I am alone. I hate that you are not here to show me your love. Everyone thinks I'm fine. Well I not fine. I am so lonely it hurts. I miss you so much. I love you, my love.

.

August 8, 2015

Today was our sons special day. He did an amazing job speaking. He is such a remarkable young man. He has so many of your qualities. He is kind, caring, thoughtful, smart and devoted to our Savior. He has been so good to me. He has been concerned about me. I know you are as proud of him as I am. I sure will miss him as he leaves for France for two years. I know you will be watching over him. I love you always.

Holley
Wife

July 12, 2015

Daddy,
I miss you so much. So, so much lately. I just want to be able to talk to you. Just to know that you are happy for me in everything that's going on.
I typed so much, but I just deleted it. I guess words don't even begin to express the thoughts, feelings and emotions that I'm experiencing.
Daddy, I wish you could meet him...
I love you. I always will. You will always be a part of my life. You will always be my "first love."
Love you....

Jessica
Daughter

June 13, 2015

Daddy,
I miss you so much. I always do, but the last few weeks especially. I wish I could talk to you about different things. You could give me advice, tease me, and share my happiness. Every single thing I've done in the last eight and a half years has been hard. Life is difficult and different without you here. I think though, the stage that I'm at in my life...has been the hardest for me, missing you. Everything should be simple..but there are so many different variables and emotions in play.
Having said...this is been the most difficult time for me, I wish more than anything that you could be here for mom. It hurts me, to see her miss you. It hurts me, to know your reunion will be many years down the road. It hurts me, to see her have to struggle with different things that most moms don't have too. It hurts me, to see her hurt. It really, truly, honestly does.
Daddy, I don't know what to do. Is there no middle ground? I feel like whatever I do and say, I'm hurting someone. I don't want that. I want peace, understanding, and happiness. For everyone, and not just me. I guess, nothing really makes sense anymore. But then, at the same time, I've never been more sure.
Ugh... I wish, life could just be easy sometimes. I wish, sometimes we could just get a break.
Daddy, I just miss your smile. But then again, I miss everything about you. Please help us all..
I love you...

Jessica
Daughter

April 24, 2015