Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Thirteen long years ago now. Even as I sit here and type it still amazes me that much time has passed, you would only be 63 if you were still here to read this. The things I’ve come to miss so very much that I always took for granted... a hug, a handshake, a text or call on the phone, one of your incredible 3am grilled cheese wedges during a late night Stooges marathon... Not a day goes by that I don’t miss you. It still is hard on Bob and I, we move forward each day and try to make the best of things but I know it still hurts him just as bad as me that you’re not here. I wish I could say that things turned out the way I wanted them to since I lost you, but I still try to live each day to make you proud. The hardest thing is making it through each year’s Christmas, all I can think of is how much you loved it and how incredible all those decorations looked when we were done. Clark W. Griswold himself would have put his arm around your shoulder and complemented you on a job well done. This past Christmas was one of the hardest yet, I couldn’t find a way to smile this time and I’m so sorry. It’s warm this winter and we haven’t seen a good snow yet, but I’m still holding out hope that we get one good night of it. I sit here in the quiet and look at your star, your photos on the wall, my mantle memorial of your favorite bubble lights, and I know today will once again be a tough one to make it through. I love you and miss you so much, not a day goes by that I don’t wish I could have just a little of those things back, even for a few moments. Rest well, Pal, say hi to our family up there and give Spooky a hug for me. He’s still pretty new up there but he’s a cuddler and I know you two will love each other. I could probably go on and on, but a happy moment with you could stretch out into a lifetime.

James R. Knapp
Son of A Fallen Hero

January 4, 2019

"Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God."
Matthew 5:9

Marshal Chris Di Gerolamo
Federal Air Marshal Service

September 19, 2016

We worked together many yrs. ago.
Sorry for your loss.

Lieutenant
CCSPD

February 15, 2016

Yesterday would have been our 13th wedding anniversary. I couldn't write this yesterday. Today I can say that I miss you as much as ever and that the pain never goes away. I wish I could just see your face and hear you call my name. But I guess I will have to wait til we meet again. And we will. I know that for sure.

Eternally in love with you,

Your devoted wife Grace

Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Retired)
Spouse/ Cook Co. Sheriff

June 29, 2015

Nine years have passed since you left this Earth, Heaven bound. It's impossible I say, but it's true. I still see you sitting at the kitchen table on your favorite chair having coffee with Mom and Dad. I still see us watching fireworks on the deck. I still see you putting on one of our favorite movies so we could laugh all night. I still see you EVERYWHERE Jim. I still hear you EVERYWHERE Jim. I still feel you EVERYWHERE Jim. Thanks because I know my angel, that you will never leave me until we meet again in Paradise. Your adoring wife, Grace

Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret. CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

January 5, 2015

On January 4 2006 I stood outside work enjoying the cold crisp January Chicago air waiting on Roll Call and as I did I saw your beloved wife Grace pull up into her parking spot as she did everyday, yet it wasn't going to be a normal day.
In the blink of an eye I saw one of our squads pull up and a officer get out and as soon as I saw Grace head for that squad I knew,... I have seen that look before to many times, the first being on my own Mothers face several years before as I stood there as a 10 year old boy, and to myself I said a prayer hoping beyond all hope that I was wrong, that I was reading what was taking place in front of me the wrong way. It was just a matter of minutes before we all got the official word at roll call that not only had we lost another Brother, but this time it was hitting way too close to home.. that it was not just another Brother called home too soon to be with Jesus, it was one of our own. I remember that day as if it was yesterday, and that's what people may not understand, when you wear this Badge you carry the memory of every Brother and Sister that was lost on your watch with you for the rest of your life. That is a silent oath we take when we put on this Badge.. To remember our Fallen and Look after those they left behind. Those actions will never repay for the sacrifice you made for us Jim but we all hope that in some small way it will comfort your family, knowing that they are our family as well.
Thank You Jim For Your Years Of Service Not Only With The Cook County Sheriff's Department But Also As A United States Marine. You Lead A Life Of Service.. And That Will NEVER BE FORGOTTEN.

"I never dreamed it would be me
My name for all eternity
Recorded here at this hallowed place
Alas, my name, no more my face

"In the line of duty" I hear them say
My family now the price will pay
My folded flag stained with their tears
We only had those few short years

The badge no longer on my chest
I sleep now in eternal rest
My sword I pass to those behind
And pray they keep this thought in mind

I never dreamed it would be me
And with heavy heart and bended knee
I ask for all here from the past
Dear God, let my name be the last"
(Author unknown)

Deputy Sheriff Alan M. Lazarus (Ret.CCSD)
Cook County Sheriff's Dept.
Cook County Illinois

December 31, 2014

It has been over a year now since Shawn's first day at the Sheriff's Police Academy, April 8(408). How appropriate. He has turned out to be a fine Officer. I know you are very proud of him and that you are watching over him every day. He has gained respect and recognition from his bosses. I beam every time I think about him and I wish you were here to share his success with me. Another Knapp on the thin blue line. Love you angel mine,

Your adoring wife Grace

Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.) CCSD
Surviving Spouse

May 29, 2014

8 years have passed by like fhe blink of an eye for most, but for those that have lost a loved one in the Line Of Duty the days drag by...the pain dulls but is never completely gone, the world seems to keep moving on, people go back about their daily chores and work and the world moves on....The World, but for those of us that have worn that Star, walked the walk and stood that wall between evil and the citizens we swore to protect, we will never forget the names and faces of the Brothers that have fallen before us..they are our Brothers and we will never allow them to go un-honored.
"We Few, We Band Of Brothers, For Those That Shed His Blood With Me
Shall Be My Brother"
Jim, Thank You for the many years of service that you have given this great nation both as a United States Marine and as a Police Officer.    

                                               

Deputy Sheriff A. Lazarus (Ret.CCSD)
Cook County Sheriff's Dept.

January 1, 2014

I went to the cemetery the other day to leave you a wreath and your grave was covered with snow. This disturbed me because you never liked to be cold. It seemed so incredibly cold there. But I know that your soul is in Heaven with the Lord. I know that where you are there is nothing unpleasant. I know that you have no worries. And even though my heart aches because you are not here with me at your favorite time of year, I know that you are ever vigilant in watching over me, my angel. Merry Christmas in Heaven 2013 my love. You are forever missed but never forgotten.

Lt.Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

December 24, 2013

Dear Jim,

Seven years ago today in the early morning hours, you left this Earth, Heavenbound and took my heart with you. I relive that day so often and it is so painful. But I know that some day my love, we will be reunited in Paradise and finish what we started. And 'that's the thing that gives me comfort every day. As always, I love you infinity times infinity, for eternity, and you used to tell me, I love you to the moon and back and to the stars and beyond. Jacques and I stood and stared at your star last night for the longest time. I know you are there waiting for me. Of that I am sure.

Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

January 4, 2013

He Doesn't Promise Us An Explanation,
But He Does Promise To Walk With Us Through The Pain.
An In Fact, When That Pain Over Comes Us...He Carries Us Through It.
For He Is Our Heavenly Father And He Is Always With Us.

When a Brother is taken, called home before his time we always ask why, we turn to God for answers but in our hearts we know its beyond our understanding. We trust in our fathers word, in his promise that we will all see each other again in our fathers house, and at that time we will understand. Until then our Heavenly Father walks with us helping us through the pain. Our Brothers will always be remembered.
Rest well my Brother, rest well.

Deputy Sheriff Alan M. Lazarus #10229
Cook County Sheriff's Department, Cook County IL.

January 3, 2013

Christmas has passed again without you. I finally put a tree up with blue lights to honor you and all of the fallen ones. It was hard and bittersweet as you so loved Christmas. Every Christmas celebration we had at our home was special to me. We didn't have enough of them. But then, how many would ever be enough? I visited your grave. Cold and grey as usual, but you live in my heart, not there. "Happy" New Year doesn't mean much to me. But I keep on trying to find some happiness. So hard without you. It will never be the same. Love eteranlly, your adoring wife Grace

Lt.Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

January 2, 2013

My darling husband Jim,

The greatest birthday gift I was ever given was you. I remain profoundly grateful for all of the ways you celebrated me. I get great comfort in knowing that we will do this again someday.

Your adoring wife,

Grace

Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

October 31, 2012

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGEL. I cannot tell you how you are missed and loved. I'll look up into the sky tonight for your star as I do everynight, but tonight it will have more meaning. Since Jacques has been here, when I take him for walks at night I stand still and gaze up. And even though he doesn't understand why we are standing there, he waits patiently for me to look up and see your star. It always was one of the only best features of living out here - seeing the stars so clearly at night. But yours shines the brightest. As always, I will miss sitting around the table with Mom and Dad and John and Jo for your birthday cake. Cake always made you smile! Love you, infinity times infinity, for eternity.

Your loving wife,

Grace

Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

October 4, 2012

Happy Father's Day angel. One thing I know for sure is that you loved your sons very very much.

Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSPD)
Surviving Spouse

June 15, 2012

Dear Dad,
I never got the privilege to meet such an amazing man. I am engaged to your son Jim and I thank you for him everyday. I hear stories and he shares pictures of you. I wish I could have met you cause And had the honor to have you in my life. I know you are with us everyday and you watch over Jim and Bobby. People often forget that you weren't just a husband you were!a father,brother,uncle,and son too. It's still so crazy that after Jim and I bought my car and I'll never forget the look on Jim's face. He took the licenses plate out of the envelope and you initials where on them. My plate reads 999JFK. The plate has been in circulation since 2009 so the odds of me getting that plate are like hitting the lotto. It's your way of telling Jim he has your approved of me. You are always in our hearts and will never be forgotten.

Love Always

Shellie Knapp
Daughter-in-Law

May 20, 2012

I kissed your name on the Wall in Washington DC today. Left my pink lipstick there. I used to love to mess you up with that very same pink lipstick. Still doing it!

Saw our puppy's picture on the K9 Wall too.

Quite a few of the Sheriff's Police were there as Special Escorts. They paid great respect to you and to me. Great people, superior Officers.

Now I only get to tell you how deeply I love you and miss you in places like this. But I know you hear me. You can echo me back someday when I am looking at your beautiful face in Heaven.

Eternally,

Your loving Wife Grace

Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

May 14, 2012

Rest in Peace, Officer Knapp. Your sacrifice is not forgotten.

Officer 11169

May 1, 2012

Went to the cemetery on Easter Sunday to visit your grave. It wasn't easy as usual. The longer you're gone the harder it gets. Someone always reminds me that it gets easier with time. IT DOES NOT. But I know you're not there and it's just tradition. You live in my heart. You always will until I meet you again. Only then will I be truly happy again. I left you a love letter as I always do. Hope you read it.

Eternally,

Your loving Wife Grace

Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

April 11, 2012

Sorry I missed the party on March 10th. I wasn't informed about it but I'll be there next year. Somebody messed up. But I have so many wonderful memories of you and all of the occasions that have been held in your honor, and the many more to come, so I guess missing one won't make that much of a difference. Love more than life,
Your adoring wife, Grace

Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret. CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

March 19, 2012

James,
I never had the honor of meeting you in person although I had the pleasure of meeting your sons the other night. I know your proud...they are both handsome and loving and hold their own in conversation. You're future daughter inlaw is beautiful and sweet and can tear up the floor. I can only imagine that there's enough of you in them to reflect what great men they are and will become. Debbie is a doll, you left them in good hands. I know you and my husband sit up there in the heavens smiling down on us while we act up and be crazy...your death is what makes us appreciate the wonderful life you left for us. I'll be reunited with my husband some day and together you two will have to explain the reasoning connected to all this tragedy. God bless your wonderful family.

Member of the Widows Club

March 12, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day in Heaven sweetheart. I miss you so much today and I love you you with all of my heart and soul. To the moon and stars and back again, til infinity times infinity, forever.
Your loving wife, Grace

Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

February 14, 2012

Your heroism and service is honored today, the 6th anniversary of your death. Your memory lives and you continue to inspire. Thank you for your service. My cherished son Larry Lasater was a fellow police officer who was murdered in the the line of duty on April 24, 2005 while serving as a Pittsburg, CA police officer.

Time never diminishes respect. Your memory will always be honored and revered. Rest In Peace.

I pray for solace for all those who love and miss you for I know both the pain and pride are forever. I hold your family in my heart's embrace today. Grace, thanks for sharing your beautiful love story with us and to Bobby, thanks for sharing the devotion of a son.

Phyllis Loya
Mom of fallen California Officer Larry Lasater, Pittsburg PD, eow 4/24/05

January 4, 2012

It has been six years since you left this Earth. You are not only my husband but you were my best friend. The grief never lessens and the sorrows never pass from me. I am so lost without you. But life goes on because the Lord is not ready for me yet. I pray every day that the Lord provides me with the wisdom to know how to live my life alone until He sees fit to call me home and reunites you and I for eternity. Only then will I be truly happy again. I love you infinity times infinity. You should know that the Department treated me very well at Christmas time. Watch over all of them angel, especially Jeff.

Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.Cook County Sheriff
Proud Surviving Spouse of Officer James F. Knapp,CCSPD,EOW 04 Jan.2006

January 3, 2012

It Has Been Six Years Since You Were Called Home To Be With Our Lord Jesus, But It Seems Like Just Yesterday. We All Owe You A Debt, While We Slept Warm In Our Beds You Were There On The Street Away From Your Family So You Could Protect Our Families While We Slept. There Is No Way For Us To Ever Repay You Or Your Family For All You Have Done For Us.. We Will Never Let The Memory Of How Much You Have Done For Us Fade...Nor Will You Ever Be Forgotten.
Thank You James For Your Years Of Service As A Police Officer,..You Gave Up Time With Your Family And Friends To Be On The Job Protecting Our Families. God Holds A Special Place In Heaven For Those That Risk Their Lives To Protect Others Against The Evil In This World. You My Brother Are The True Meaning Of The Word "Hero"!

Deputy Sheriff Alan M Lazarus #10229
Cook County Sheriff's Department

January 3, 2012