Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

It's been five months. I'm still in shock, I can't believe I'll never see you again. That cute smile, that laugh, that loud voice and those beautiful blue eyes.
I was thinking today how sad Christmas is going to be. This was going to be our best Christmas yet. I'll miss how you wouldn't be able to wait until Christmas for me to open one of my gifts. Every year you would give in and let me open one. I'll miss trying to find the perfect gift for you. Just think how much fun it would have been to shop for Cody together this year. I guess I shouldn't be thinking about how I'm going to get through Christmas when I still have to get through our anniversary, my birthday & your birthday first. What a horrible journey this has been. Memories of you is what's keeping me going and our beautiful son gives me something to live for.
Love you

September 23, 2005

Cody and I try to bring flowers to you every morning. That will always be our routine. I can't imagine a time that I go just once a week or once a month or just on special occasions.

Love you

September 20, 2005

To the family of Officer Lasater,

Thank you for the reflection left on Brandy's page. I can see that you are discovering there is a vast network of survivors nationwide. You will meet them in DC this coming May. It will be an experience like no other. Without the words of wisdom, late night conversations, and shoulders to cry on of those that came before me I am not sure I would be doing as well as I am in this journey.

It is a very hard journey that I have only just begun. It has gotten easier but the pain is always there. You can never forget when you look in the face of your children knowing that their life will always have a void in it. In one senseless moment every dream I had built was shattered. In the beginning it seemed that the very reason I lived was taken from me. I soon discovered that there were two little boys that I lived for and that I had to pick up the shattered pieces of my life and continue for those two little boys. Brandy is a daily part of their lives, we talk of him often, we share stories with them. They often talk of heaven and Daddy. There are moments they rip my heart out but I would have it no other way. I want Brandy's memory to live on through them.

You seem to have a wonderful support system. If you ever want another person to talk to you can get my information through Ohio COPS.

I can see that you are starting the criminal justice proceedings. That is another journey all together. I have to say sitting in the courtroom was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. The defense attorney's refused to say Brandy's name. It enraged me beyond imagination. They wanted to pretend that Brandy was mere evidence and didn't exist as a person. The whole system is designed for the defendent, not the victim.

I wish you strength in your journey and hope that you can find peace and happiness at the end of this journey.

Sara Winfield
Wife of Brandy EOW 10/14/04

September 20, 2005

Let us never take for granted those that would lay down their life for their fellow man. Have faith that their spirit will be there to comfort you.

To Officer Lasater's family, no words can take your pain away, but find some comfort in knowing others feel and understand your loss.


"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy."

unk author

Anonymous

September 20, 2005

Today was a bad day. Not that I really have good days anymore. I watched the video that was played at your service. We were so happy on our wedding day. We had no idea that 6 years later it would all be gone. Seeing the pictures of you as a little boy is heartbreaking. I cry for that little boy that had all those big dreams. I cry for the father who never saw his son, the man who was never allowed to complete his life. I cry for me and our baby boy. God I miss you.

September 20, 2005

Officer Lasater thank you for your bravery in protecting to people of Pittsburg, you are a true hero. Please look Clint up for me and tell him I miss him everyday.
To Phyllis and Larry's wife you will miss Larry everyday, but we will never forget him. Just know that when a police officer is killed it's not an agency that losses an officer it's an entire nation.
I come to this site often and read past and present Officers killed in the line of duty. Just because your in California and I'm in Ft. Walton Beach Fl. and Clint was in Al. we are a family on one now. I'm sure because of our son's our paths will cross. Just keep looking up, they are all watching over us now. We have a lot of ANGELS watching over us.

Connie Barker
Mother of Clint Walker E.O.W. 1-14-04

September 19, 2005

Dear Officer Lasater and Family,
I had to visit your page again. I feel kind of like it is eavesdropping but then I realize that we are all now part of each others family by something that we didn't chose but that only we truly understand the bond we have now. We just passed the one year anniversary ( I don't even like to use that word because it seems to imply some sort of happiness)Matt's department held a beautiful candlelight vigil which did amazingly bring some comfort to us of which there has been too terribly little. My heart breaks for your wife and mother especially. I know I have thought several times I'm glad (another strange word now) that Matt was not married yet and did not have children because I don't think I could bear to have had their pain and loss and grief forever to experience and watch and not be able to change. So I read your reflections and see how tremendous the love of your wife is for you and now the wonderful joy of having a beautiful son and I think........but we get no second chances when this happens and I will never have a little Matt running around so that makes me cry too and I have to move on to another thought. I promise you though I will pray for your precious mom, your amazing wife and ,Cody, your gift from God for comfort, joy, peace, and happiness, somehow, somewhere, as they go their life without you. I hope I get to meet your family someday. Maybe at the wall next year. Until then,
Love,
Matt's Mom forever.

Linda Rittenhouse
Mother of Jesse Matthew Rittenhouse e.o.w.9/16/04

September 19, 2005

To JoAnn and Baby Cody and family:

I just found this website today. I just wanted to tell you how devastated we were to hear what had happened to Larry. My husband and I both went to College Park, he used to wrestle with Larry. We were shocked when we saw his picture on TV that night that is was him. We were sending your family a million prayers. I am a nurse and work on the postpartum floor at John Muir. I wanted to come in and tell you congrats when Cody was born, but I don't think I could have maintained myself. Everytime I walked past your door while you were there my heart was breaking for you. I am sitting here reading all of these wonderful reflections about Larry with tears streaming down my face. It was so sad...so unfair and we can never begin to tell you how sorry we are for your loss. We both knew Larry from Valley View and College Park. I graduated with him in 1988. He was a wonderful person and just know that we send our prayers and thoughts to you and baby Cody. You are right.. he would have been a wonderful daddy!

Jennifer(Dodd)Towle and Bob Towle
Martinez, CA

Jennifer Towle

September 19, 2005

Sometimes God picks the flower
That’s still in full bloom;
Sometimes, the rosebud's chosen
That we feel He's picked too soon.
Sometimes, the flower is fading
With petals floating down,
But God knows the perfect time
To gather flowers from the ground.
There is a heavenly garden
In which God takes great pleasure
Because He's placed within it
The loved ones that we treasure.
He walks among the blossoms
Giving them eternal rest,
And I know that it must please Him
Because he chose our very best.

I am writing to thank you for the beautiful reflection sent to my friend Mark Sawyers site. It never ceases to amaze me how closely bound the police community is. The thin blue line extends across a nation, a world. There are no boundaries, no limitations. It is a remarkable family that we are a part of.
In the days and months that followed Mark’s death, I would come to these pages and mourn so deeply. I found that the reflections left by other officers’ and their families allowed me to grieve in the privacy of my own home, and eventually steered me toward a road to “recovery”. While it has been 15 months since Mark was stolen from his family and ours, I continue to visit his site daily and it warms my heart to read the continuing thoughts and prayers.
Your journey to Washington D.C. will be like no other. You will celebrate, you will laugh and oh how you will cry. But above all you will be enveloped in the arms of this police family who love you, and will continue to protect you.

God Bless You

Dispatcher
Sterling Heights PD (Michigan)

September 19, 2005

To the family of Officer Lasater,

I wanted to thank Larry' mom for the beautiful words she left for my daughter on Officer Mark Sawyers page.

I apoligize in advance if my reflection sounds rambling. There is just so much to say, that the thoughts are often jumbled.

My sorrows are with you and all the members of your family, as there is no pain like this. I wish I could tell you that it will get easier, but it would be a lie. The pain is often unbearable.

My son in law, Officer Mark Sawyers was also murdered by a coward. He was simply doing his job and sitting in his patrol car filling out a trafic accident report when he was gunned down by an evil monster. This devil wanted Mark's service weapon so he could rob even more banks in the warmer weather without using his trench coat to hide the shotgun he used on Mark.

Although I am glad that Larry's murderer was caught, I am so sorry that Larry's family will have to sit through a trial. I pray that everyone has the strength to endure this most trying time. I can only pray that this 'devil' will get what he should. We did not have to go through a trial, as the evil monster cowardly took his own sorry life, with Mark's gun, as the U.S. Marshalls broke down a door in Florida after a 7 week manhunt and being exposed on America's Most Wanted three times.

Not a moment goes by when Mark, my daughter Yvonne, or my granddaughter Lily are not on my mind. I know the same thoughts fill your minds that fill ours, how will you ever be able to tell Cody about the wonderful dad that was stolen from him. How to tell him about Heaven and why his daddy is there and not with him where he belongs. How do you explain the evil that walks this earth?

I did want to share with you why I firmly believe that Larry does see and communicate with his child. Don't be surpised if Cody starts to say things about his daddy when he learns to talk. Lily turned one yr old just 2 weeks after Mark was stolen from us. She is now just over two yrs old. We talk casually to her about her daddy and his pictures are on display in all our homes, etc. We want her to know who her daddy is, and all that he stood for. Over the last several months, she has said things like, "My daddy rocked me", or "My Daddy told me...". She has a rocking chair in her room, and plain as day will tell you, that is where her daddy rocked her. Yvonne would often watch her on the baby monitor in the mornings when she woke up. She would appear to be having a conversation with someone, talking, then listening, then talking some more. When asked who she was talking to, she said "Daddy". I truly belive that Mark does see and talk to her, and that she sees and talks to him as well. The innocence of these little ones lets our angels come through to them. Even though Cody cannot convey this to you yet, I am sure his daddy is there in the same way for him. I want you to be prepared though for when he does understand the concept of 'daddy', he will start to ask as Lily does, "Where my Daddy go?" And when we tell her he is in Heaven, she says "I have to get him, I need him". She will say things like "My daddy coming home tomorrow." This will rip your heart out over and over again. This is the trade off for keeping Larry's memory alive to his child, to be sure his child knows all about him. We can only pray that as Cody and Lily get to know all about their daddies through us, that somehow, someway, our pain will lesson as we see their love grow for the daddies they can only love from Heaven.

May you find peace in the love you have for Larry, and know that he will shine through Cody's eyes. He IS there for him. He is there for all of you too, just believe in it.

My heart goes out to all of you.

Diane Bawcum
Mother-In-Law; Officer Mark Sawyers E.O.W. 6-5-04

September 19, 2005

I'm not sure why I keep writing to you on this memorial page, you know what's in my heart. I guess writing to you here and in a journal helps with the grieving process. I've painfully come to the conclusion that my grief will never be less with the passing of time. Time only makes it hurt more, knowing that this time should have been ours to share. I can't stop myself from thinking all day long about the memories we shared. Las Vegas was one of the best. Your proposal and the day we found out about Cody are the most treasured memories I have. Our wedding, Hawaii, New York, the Marine Corps ball, living in San Diego...I'm blessed to have shared all that with you. Love you

September 19, 2005

Friday was a milestone in our journey for justice for you. Your interests are ably represented, and there is a lot of support for your family there.
On those days, I just pray for God to give us the strength to get through the events of the day. We have a long road ahead of us in our quest for justice, but you deserve nothing less than the full measure of justice under our legal system. There is no such thing as a simple procedural hearing where you are concerned. There are some who try to depersonalize you by catchall phrases that in and of themselves seem so benign as if you had died of old age or natural causes, but everyone who is there for you and us has your names on their lips and embedded in their hearts and know that the correct designation for you when your name isn't spoken is VICTIM.

It is astounding to me when some people try to convert me to what is in their eyes a more "politically correct" position. Let those people walk a mile in our shoes...I doubt any of them would still look at the world through rose covered glasses. I am sure if this had happened to their beloved, they would feel as anquished, embittered, outraged, inconsolable as we all do when we face the loss of you every waking moment.

I pray I live long enough to see justice rendered for you.

September 18, 2005

I just wanted to say I'm sorry to the family of Officer Lasater and to Officer Lasater himself. While I don't know either personally, I sincerely feel for your loss and pray to God that his family can stay strong through this unimaginably hard time.

The sacrifice Ofc. Lasater has made will not be forgotten, ever.

Rest in peace, and God bless.

Ofc. Jordan

September 18, 2005

"Who You’d Be Today"

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile
I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
I still can’t believe you’re gone
It aint fair you died too young
Like the story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I’ve been through
Just knowing no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you’d be today
Would you see the world?
Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family
I wonder what would you name your babies
Some days the sky’s so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
I know it might sound crazy
It aint fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I’ve been through
Just knowing no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you’d be today
Today (repeats 5 more times)
Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know I’ll see you again some day
Some day
Some day

Police Officer
Iowa

September 18, 2005

to the family of Larry:

I am so sorry for your loss. It is apparent in the words that have been written here what a great man he was, even though I live thousands of miles away and never met him.

K-9 Patrol Officer
Iowa

September 18, 2005

I love you. I was watching a little old man at the cemetary today visiting his wife's grave. As sad as it was, that's how it should be. Growing old together. I feel sorry for myself sometimes, especially thinking of growing old alone, without you. After we were together I never thought I'd have another lonely day. Now the rest of my life will be lonely. Cody is my little angel but he can't fill the void left by you. Nobody can.
I love you and I hope you visit me in my dreams tonight.

September 18, 2005

Nothing will erase what happened. Nothing will bring you back to me and Cody no matter how much I wish and pray for it.
Today was hard but at least we're one step closer to what we want. It seems like yesterday that my "wants" were so different than what they are today. I wanted Cody to be born healthy, I wanted you there in the delivery room, I wanted to be able to stay home with him. Now I want justice for you. You have someone in your corner that is doing his best to make sure that happens.

I miss you and love you.
Forever yours

September 17, 2005

Joseph had his first writing homework assignment of the school year. He had to introduce himself to his english teacher by telling something special about himself in a letter format to his teacher. He wrote that he was the nephew of a hero... He wrote that he has an uncle that was a tank commander and a Marine Captian. He wrote that he has an uncle that stood for all that was good. He wrote that he has an uncle that went to Valley View just like him. He wrote that his uncle was an organ donor who saved eight lives as he gave his own protecting the rest of us..... He wrote about you..... We all miss...

Louise
sister-in-law

September 16, 2005

Give me strength tomorrow as I once again have to look into the face of pure evil. Please be with me and keep me strong. It's so hard for me to go but I'm there for you. I'll be there every single day, even if it's hard to hear the details of what happened. Thank you for loving me so much. I'll always love you. I never thought it was possible to love someone so much.
Forever yours

September 16, 2005

Hi, sweetie. Just wanted to let you know I spent some time with George last night. He came to the rescue for me when I had car problems. We spent a lot of times talking about the good old days when you, James, and George were growing up...with all those sisters he had, you and James were the younger brothers he never had. There are so many holiday pictures with the three of you guys growing up. It is hard to believe that George's oldest daughter is starting high school this year.
We also talked about he and Rochelle having their first son... this year all three of you guys had your first son.


We talked about how unfair it is that you are not here with Jo Ann and Cody and what an awesome daddy you would have been. I know that you are Cody's guardian angel and will always be with him, but how I wish you could be holding him in your arms. The night Cody was born as we were in the waiting room for families, I remembered how Jo Ann, you, and I were waiting in that same room on March 4th when Seth was born. I kept picturing you in that chair that was just a few feet from me. It was so real. I could remember your gestures and the conversation the three of us had as we waited. I remembered the pride in your beautiful blue eyes as you held your nephew for the first time. I wanted to scream at the cruelty that deprived you and Jo Ann of that same experience with Cody. When Louise came out to tell us Cody had arrived, I broke down really hard. Part of it was relief that he was here and healthy, but a lot of the tears were tears of agony that you had been so unjustly taken from us and robbed of what should have been the best day of your life. Remember how you kept saying how you couldn't wait to put Cody in your truck and drive to visit all your buds.

Please God, give us justice for the senseless murder that took you away, leaving this void that can never be filled in the lives of everyone who loves you. You have my eternal love, and I know we have yours.

September 15, 2005

Love you. I'm still waiting for a sign from you. I know I've had a few but I want something that can't be explained away. Here I am, nagging you even now. I bet you're getting a chuckle out of that.
Cody and I love you.

Forever yours

September 14, 2005

To the family of P.O. Lasater,
I can feel the pain in your notes to Larry, and it breaks my heart. I want to say thank you to Larry's mother for her sweet reflection on my father's site. I'm glad to know people still read the account of what happened to Daddy. It was such a tragic event, as was that surrounding Larry's death. My husband was the first on the scene at my father's shooting and was also shot several times, once in the neck, the chest and left arm. At one time, I had my father and husband undergoing a full code blue and CPR in progress. I used to thank God everyday for my wonderful husband and father of our 5 children, but now I thank God every hour. I came so close to losing them both, but the Lord spared Jeremy. I know Daddy is watching us from Heaven, just as Larry is watching over his family, watching his precious son grow. I don't know why the good are the first to go, and such evil ones remain- we are awaiting trial, going for the death penelty- which will not bring back my 2 neighbors and father that this person took from us, but maybe just knowing that he will never be free to hurt anyone else will be healing for us. I hope you have been contacted by your area COPS representative, if not, go to the National COPS website for information. They are a wonderful group who can provide support during this time for your family. In any case, we will see you in Washington, DC in May, as Larry's name will be read at the National Police Week service, just as Daddy's was last year.
Know that others are lifting you up in prayer and feel the love of the family that makes up the "thin blue line". Take care and God bless you all!
Lori

Lori Johnson Rowley
Daughter of Fallen Hero, Sgt. James Johnson, EOW 11/11/04, FCSO NC

September 14, 2005

Your friends have been so great about keeping me and Cody in their lives. I'm sure that makes you happy to know that Cody will have strong male role models. I want to give him real heros to look up to so he can grow up to be as wonderful as his father.
My life now is full of what could have been. We could have had another baby someday or decided to adopt the second. We could have been planning what to do for our anniversary coming up. We could have taken that trip to Maui next summer or gone back to New York. We could have grown old together and watched Cody have children of his own.
Love you always

September 13, 2005

I spent some time with both Seth and Cody on Saturday. They are both so adorable. Another little James and Larry in my life...two more Lasater boys to adore. They keep us all going through this awful time.

I am going to start a grant writing class in October and my grant project is going be about something you loved ... the Academy. This gives me another thing to focus on that is positive and a tribute to you. Please guide me in that endeavor.

I visited you on Saturday too. Someone had placed a beautiful gold angel on top of your headstone, and there was also a tall Bud light. Both were very fitting for you. Love you forever and a day.

September 13, 2005

I have noticed lately that your gravesite is visited by mama deer and their babies.... Is that you trying to make us smile??? Are you up there looking down on us all? I hope we are making you proud of us as we try to keep your strong convictions in our hearts.... I try to do as you would - you were such a noble being.... It's so unfair that someone as just and good as you is gone while the awful person that took your life lives on.... Sometimes I find it difficult not to question God.... Why would he take someone like you so early and leave such an awful person on earth.... Why is Cody denied such a wonderful father?? Is it really true that God only takes the best early?? Wouldn't you have done so much more good had you been left here on earth for a longer period of time?? How are the rest of us who are left able to continue on and do good when our hearts are aching so??? Does it ever get any easier??? Do you know fron your special place in Heaven how much we all miss you??? Can you see how beautiful Cody is??? I'm sure you are very proud of him.

September 12, 2005