Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Last night was the first annual Pittsburg Police Dept. Appreciation Dinner which was hosted by three service groups in Pittsburg. It was such a nice event and it was good to see the community honor law enforcement without the initiating event being a death. Special tribute was paid to Officers 120 and 257 and we were presented with beautiful roses. I was especially glad that Les was the presenter of the flowers to me and Jo Ann. When I got home, I picked out two beautiful vases you and James had given me and arranged the flowers in them.

You always had such good taste. Through the years I have received so many lovely presents from you. This past week I competed in the Evening Star custom dance boots you, Jo Ann, James and Lenore gave me for Christmas of 2003. Glen and I performed our spotlight routine which I call my tribute dance to you...it is a nightclub two step to "I hope you dance" and then it transitions into a swing routine to a gospel song. Glen and I qualified for North American championships this December in Vegas and we are going to add a cha cha and samba between the nightclub and swing portion. I am asking that I be given your badge number as my competition number since it is all dedicated to you. After you were killed, I thought I would never dance again, but when the Sheriff's Academy class gave Jo Ann that CD and book of "I hope you dance", I felt that was a message from you and God. Thank you, son, for always supporting me in my competions whether it was personally cheering me on, watching competition tapes, or helping with reservations and travel arrangements. After your death, I received a sympathy card from one of Lenore's friends who says she holds in her heart a visual picture of you and I dancing at James and Lenore's wedding.

I hold so many pictures of you throughout the years in my heart. How I wish I could look into your beautiful blue eyes today. I miss you so much.

Cody has his first Halloween tomorrow. Everything would be so different if you were here. He was so good at the dinner last night. He lets everyone hold him.

This nightmare is so unfair.
Why did that scum have to take you from us? I will not ever abandon seeking justice for you.

I love you and will throughout eternity.

October 30, 2005

You know what is really sad? I take so many pictures of Cody and as I was putting together photo albums I realized he's all alone in most of the pictures. I started having friends and family take pictures of me with him so he'll have that. I just imagine all the cute pictures we would have taken. You and Cody sitting on the couch watching football, me giving him a bath, us together in the hospital. God, all the things that poor kid is missing. I went to a Catholic funeral for a Police Officer who was killed in a car accident. I cried for him and I cried for you. Being in church was strange for me. I used to pray every night. I know I told you that I made up a prayer when I was 7 and I've been saying it ever since. I stopped the day this happened to you because praying for the safety of my loved ones didn't do any good at all. I need to make peace with God. I can't let that monster take my faith too. I have to believe that you're still around, watching over us. I have to believe that there's something after this life. There's no way that someone so wonderful would just be gone.

Cody was good tonight at the dinner. His Grandma, uncles & cousins were all there. Everyone loves him.

Love you

October 30, 2005

I love you so much. I miss you more as time goes on. You're always with us, I think about you constantly and I always tell Cody all about his dad. I tell him how silly you could be and also how much love you had for him from the moment you found out.
Love you

October 29, 2005

JoAnn,
You are the strongest woman I know. Larry is so proud of you, I just know it! Please keep smiling.

pittsburg police officer's wife

October 29, 2005

Dear Mrs. Lancaster,
Although we do not know each other, I wanted to let you know that you and your son will always be in my heart. My thoughts and prayers are with you always....

Tiffany

October 27, 2005

Today you & Dan Niemi received an award from the Chief Special Agent's Association of Northern California. Once again I was proud to be the wife of such an incredible guy. Cody was so good, he sure does love a crowd.
I went to the wives meeting and our son slept right through it. He really missed out because he loves being surrounded by girls...just like you! I barely made it through our anniversary, next thing to get through is my birthday. I just have to take it one day at a time.
I'll miss you & love you always

October 26, 2005

i cant imagine the pain you and your family is going through. i have read all the reflections and even though i didnt know larry i know he was a wonderful husband and son. you and your family will always be in my prayers.

Ofc. Martin LPPD

Ofc. Martin
lincoln park pd, mi

October 26, 2005

Cody wakes up smiling, he's such a happy baby. He looks at me in the morning and gets so jolly. It cracks me up. You would have loved him so much Larry.

Always

October 26, 2005

Mrs. Lasater,
I have read some of the things you have written to your husband and I want you to know that it is quite normal to write to him. That's the only way to let your feelings out. It seems like other people go on & don't seem so open to listen to you. I don't think it's because they don't care but because they are at a loss for words and don't know what to do. I still leave cards sometimes at my first husbands tomb. Our situations were a little different (we were separated unfortunately but I still did/do love him) but I know how people quit talking about our guys after some time goes by. If you are like me, it seems like people have forgotten him and the sacrifice made. I saw that your anniversary just passed...I know it wasn't a happy one but take comfort in knowing you were able to love him and be loved by him to share that special day...so always remember it as a special day instead of a sad one. If you want to contact me, leave a note for me on Calvin's page. My prayers are with you, Cody and the rest of your family.

Denise
Survivor of Trooper Calvin Taylor

October 25, 2005

On our anniversary I went to the church where we were married 6 years ago. I remembered walking down the aisle and seeing you waiting. Remember how the picture of me and my dad didn't come out and I thought it was a bad sign?
I was thinking about how I thought I was so independent before you. I had pretty much given up on the idea of finding the love of my life. It's so strange how you were there the whole time. I remember how I gave you advice on that girl you liked and I would talk to you about my guy problems. Denise used to ask me about possibly dating my friend Larry and I told her she was nuts. I thought you were a nice guy but just as a friend. Who knew it would turn into such an incredible love. I'm having such a difficult time. I can't move on. I can't have a good life without you. I look forward to the end of the day. Sleep is my only escape from the pain. I fell asleep with Cody this afternoon and I had a dream that I answered the door and there you were. It was such a warm feeling to see you again.

Love you always

October 24, 2005

Yesterday was six months from the day you were shot, and it was also your wedding anniversary. Six months ago was the worst day of my life. Your wedding day was one of the happiest days of my life. You and Jo Ann had such a beautiful wedding...it was truly a day to always remember. I will never forget how you played your little trick on me during the mother-son dance when you had the dj switch from a standard wedding ballad to a swing song. I remember how hard you worked on the slide show presentation for your wedding reception and how awesome it turned out.

On Saturday I attended my first COPS function. Everyone was so nice to us, but it was chilling to see how many families had been affected by the same devastation to their lives that we are now facing. And the delay that some of them are facing in the trial proceedings is infuriating. A lot of the attendees gravitated toward Cody..he was such a good baby.

Loving you forever and a day.

October 24, 2005

Yesterday was horrible. Not only was it our anniversary, it was 6 months exactly from the day you were shot. Today is 6 months from the day that they declared that you were gone and tomorrow is 6 months from the day that you were removed from life support. I didn't leave town for our anniversary. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I wanted to be near the cemetary. I went a few times yesterday. It's so strange to not have our anniversary acknowledged. It was such an important day and now it's yet another reminder that you're gone. No gifts, nobody saying "happy anniversary" and no escape from the pain of losing you. This will never end. My whole life is ruined. If it weren't for Cody I'd be even more miserable. As I'm writing this I can hear him playing with his toy. He loves to hit this little funny looking cow. He'll play with it until he falls asleep.

I'm going to finally finish decorating your office. I want to hang all your awards and pictures. When Cody comes in here he'll be able to really get a sense of who is daddy is. Someday he'll be able to try on your clothes. They're still in your closet and will remain there. This room will be all about you.

I love you

October 24, 2005

I'm touched by the reflections left by Larry's loved ones especially his wife and his mother. From the words expressed I can tell what a great man Larry was, and I know he is up above in the heavens looking down and protecting us. RIP my fellow brother and I'll see u in heaven.

PO
NYPD (Bronx)

October 24, 2005

TO THIS FAMILY - I AM SADDENED THAT YOU TOO HAVE BECOME PART OF A CLUB NO ONE CHOOSES TO BE A MEMEBER OF. HOLD ON TO YOUR MEMORIES. I AM SO GLAD THEIR IS LITTLE CODY FOR YOU TO CUDDLE , A PART OF YOUR OFFICER THAT YOU CAN PHYSICALLY TOUCH. I WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE THAT. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES, YOU CAN ONLY DO THIS ONE DAY AT THE TIME. A MOM THAT UNDERSTANDS. MOTHER OF DEPUTY JOSH BLYLER EOW 05/02/2004

JEAN BLYLER
MOM

October 22, 2005

Tomorrow is our anniversary. I bet we would have quietly celebrated at home. We would have wanted to spend the evening with the baby. We wouldn't need to exchange gifts because our little Cody is the best gift of all. Knowing you though you would've bought something special for me. I hope I feel you around me tomorrow.

Love you

October 22, 2005

Dear Lasater Family and friends,

I am rarely lost for words but as I read all the loving reflections left for this wonderful hero I find myself searching for the right words.


It has been 32 years since my father was taken from us without warning or the opportunity to even say goodbye. I can tell you the loss never goes away but knowing that they left doing what others seldom have the courage or honor to attempt, helps deal with the hurt and loss.

You must and will carry on for the future that they helped establish and left in our hands. Carry on to tell the story of how they lived, loved, and faught for those who couldn't fight for themselves. Carry on to let others know that true heroes and honor are real.

Indeed the hurt never goes away, but it is truly softened by remembering and reflecting on the many who will learn of their love and honor by the way we live our life's.

May God bless and watch over you.

Son of G. Truman Wortham EOW 7/15/73

Assistant Chief Carl Wortham Retired
Sand Springs Okla Police Department

October 21, 2005

After reading your recent thoughts about your beloved Larry, I felt compelled to reach out to you, to express how touching your letters are and that I too share your pain and heartbreak.

Just when I think I have dipped down to the saddest part of my day, I read a passage from another fallen officer’s reflections and I feel even more anguished. Each day I go through the same routine and series of emotions; must get out of bed, must paste on a smile so people won’t worry, must grasp that he’s never coming back, must somehow replace the rage --- with what?? Resignation? On and on it goes, day after day until the fog of weeks becomes months.

Before pulling up this website, I brace myself for the relentless sadness and loss, and I choke back the tears that are forever right under the surface. But I also find great comfort in reading these loving and wrenching reflections posted on these pages. I wish NOBODY knew how I/we feel. Like you, I wish, I wish, I wish for so many things, so many other turn of events than what actually occurred for these officers/our loved ones. But we know how futile wishing has been for us since the devastation of life as we knew it took place.

Mostly, I just wanted to extend to you, Larry’s wife, mother, family, loved ones, my deepest understanding of how you feel, and to convey my love, and support to all of you. We do not know each other, and yet we are all a family. This “idea” or belief comforts me when I feel especially overwhelmed. I hope it provides some measure of comfort to you, however fleeting it may be. I didn’t know your Larry, but I keep him alive in my heart too, where he keeps company with my brother. Be assured that he will not be forgotten, and you do not walk this path alone.

Carmen Stevenson
Sister of Howard Stevenson, EOW 1/9/05

October 21, 2005

I wonder if the shock will ever go away. Sometimes I just sit and think of you and I still can't believe it. I can't believe that we're coming up on 6 months. The days turned into weeks, weeks into months and soon the months will turn into years. Where will I be mentally in a few years? What frame of mind will I be in when Cody starts school? Will I still be tortured by all these thoughts of what could have been? I always wonder what we'd be doing. When I'm changing him I imagine asking you to grab a diaper. When I'm giving him a bath I imagine me holding him while you wash his hair. Am I going crazy?

So lonely and missing you so much

October 20, 2005

"Sons are a heritage from the Lord...a reward from Him."

Psalm 127:3

Love,
Linda Rittenhouse, Matt's Mom
Officer Jesse Matthew Rittenhouse
e.o.w. 9/16/04

October 20, 2005

Your pain is our pain, your loss is our loss. We are family more so than ever now.
MaryAnn
The Espinoza family
Officer Isaac Espinoza,
EOW: April 10, 2004

October 20, 2005

I saw Mr.& Mrs. Ross today at the cemetary. They miss you and love you.

I wish you were here Larry. I lost so much that day. You were so much more than my husband, you were my best friend too. I knew you like nobody else did and you knew me better than anyone has ever known me. I miss that so much. I have a great family & friends but it's not the same as talking to you. Without you here the best part of my life is gone. If this hadn't happened I would have had two special guys in my life. You and Cody. Now I have my special little guy and thank God for him. You'll always be part of who I am but without you here I'm incomplete. I'll always feel that something is missing. I'm not the same but one thing I'll always hang onto is your love and the memories we shared.
Love you

October 19, 2005

Jerry told me what you said about me a few weeks before it happened. It was just what I needed to hear. I love you.

What did I do to deserve someone like you? To be loved that much? The other thought I have is what the hell did I do to deserve having you taken away? You should have lived to a ripe old age. I'm so angry that you're gone. I'm angry that you were taken in such a violent way. I hate that I'll never know if you could hear me in the hospital. I'm haunted by the image of you in the operating room. When I have these thoughts I have to force myself to think of you during our happy times. Remember when you would try to humiliate me in public by doing "ugly man" or doing that funny walk? When Monique would call you'd do that voice?

I think I can say that Cody is sleeping through the night. It's been about 4 nights now.
Missing you

October 18, 2005

Our anniversary is coming up. I used to look forward to it, now I dread it. I was going to go away the day before but I can't stand the thought of not visiting you that day. Cody and I will leave after we visit you. I think we're going to that special place that we went. We had so many laughs that weekend.
I'm sure that you're proud of some of your friends. You may be disappointed in some people but I've come to the conclusion that it's too hard for some to deal with grief. It may be too painful to see your son. It's my responsibility and mine alone to make sure our baby is happy, I can't depend on anyone to do that for me.
I love you

October 18, 2005

I miss you so much. It seems as if the reality is really setting in now. Sometimes it feels like you are just away on another Marine deployment and will be home soon. Then the awful reality slaps me in the face...that you are really gone. Once it felt like you were talking to me and were saying, "Mom, if you need me just stick out your hand ...I'm here." That is what I choose to believe. You are the best... I really miss our lunches together. Each stage of life always felt like the best when you and James were growing up, but I really enjoyed it when you guys became adults and we had the adult parent- child relationship. Both of you guys had such incredible senses of humor and were so much fun to be around. I am so lucky to have such good memories.

When I hold Cody it is like holding you again. I told Jo Ann that as soon as Cody is old enough I want to begin a little holiday tradition of having him go through all my momemtoes of your childhood and picking out the holiday momento you made for that holiday and then displaying it. I want him to know every aspect of your life. Jo Ann will always make sure he knows what a wonderful daddy he has, and how much you loved him from the first instant you knew of his conception. He is such a cute little guy.

You will always be my precious son. I know that you are holding all of us in your heart and are watching over us.
Loving you always.

October 17, 2005

As the mother of Senior Trooper Anthony G. Cogdill I wish to express my deepest sympathy to the family of Officer Larry Lasater. May God cradle you in His arms and carry you through the years ahead. May your little Cody grow to realize that his father was a true hero. Know that there are others who walk this road with you and will remember your loved one always.
Brenda Cogdill East

October 15, 2005