Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Cody is having a hard time with his top two teeth. He rarely gets upset but today he was so hard to keep happy. Poor guy. He's asleep now and Scout is curled up next to him. Every night Cody falls asleep in the front room and Scout will sleep with him. I know you'd love that.

Someone took things off your grave yesterday. They took the Pittsburg PD patch, the Contra Costa Sheriff patch, your 257 pin, the PPD gold pin, the Marine coin and the Police coin. I was soooooo angry. I'm going to try to find out who did it. My hope is that it was kids not knowing the significance of the items. Apparently things are taken all the time so maybe it wasn't personal but if it was, I'm not sure that I'll be able to control myself if I find out who it was. I've kept this anger inside for so long that I'm afraid that I may take it out on someone.

I think about you every moment. I don't ever want that to stop because in a way I'd feel that I had accepted what happened. I'll never be over you. I was thinking the other day that knowing you has given me the greatest joy of my life and the greatest sadness. Someone asked me if I could do it all over again knowing that I'd lose you, would I go down the same road. That's a tough question. Without you I never would have known what true love is. I wouldn't have laughed as much as I did in the years we were together. I wouldn't have truly known you like I do. On the other hand, we would've always been friends. I would have still had you in my life now, just in a different way. But I wouldn't have experienced the excitement we felt anticipating the birth of our baby. Your hand on my stomach waiting for him to kick. Our talks about how we thought Cody would be. If we didn't have Cody that question would be so much easier to answer. We wouldn't have Cody if we didn't end up together. You know what I would've changed. Your career choice. God bless you for wanting to make a difference but it wasn't worth it. Not at all. What a different world this is from a year ago. I miss you so much.

Love you

April 3, 2006

Hello to Phyllis, JoAnn, and Officer Lasater's friends: I have the honor of riding for Larry this year in the Police Unity Tour. In reading his reflections, I have been deeply touched by the circumstances surrounding his death and also by the outpouring of love from his family. Of course, I never had the pleasure of meeting Larry, but can tell from his reflections that he was an outstanding person. I look forward to meeting each of you and Cody in Washington D.C.

Officer Emily Davies
Metro Nashville Police Dept. TN

April 1, 2006

I'm planning your one year remembrance. I couldn't have planned your funeral even if I wanted to. I was in shock. Now I feel ready to do this for you. There will be a service at the cemetery and then we'll get together for food, memories and just for you...beer. I want people to remember all the wonderful things about you. You truly are an amazing person. I still have trouble talking about you in the past tense. It doesn't feel right. So I'll say this...You are the most wonderful person I've ever known. You're funny, smart, loving and compassionate. I miss you more each day and I'll always love you.

Cody does the army crawl all over the house now. He'll spot something he wants and he'll just go for it. Once he really starts crawling I won't be able to keep up. His two top teeth are going to come in very soon.

Love you always

March 30, 2006

Hi honey. Today Bridget's daughter Emily is here at my office helping me close out some old files and catch up on filing. I showed Emily this site so she is going to share it with Bridget.
Jo Ann called me to tell me that you, Les, Phil, and John are being honored at a luncheon on Thursday in Burlingame. The AG will be there. I am trying to rearrange my schedule.
Mom misses you and loves you so much.
Loving you forever, Mom

March 28, 2006

Rest in Peace, you are a true hero to us all! To the mother of Officer Lasater, thank you for the kind and beautiful words to Officer "Drew" Henley. Myself along with the Suffolk Police Department will miss him. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for the dedicated service to your country and to the citizens of California! Rest now, you deserve it.

Officer J. Lane
City of Suffolk Virginia PD

March 22, 2006

Officer Lasater's Family,
Not a day goes by that I don't visit this site, and it breaks my heart every time another hero is taken from us...I have made Larry's memorial my personalized memorial...your family seems so amazing, and I know you have comforted so many...your family is in my thoughts and prayers....we are all in this together, and you guys have proven that over and over to others! God Bless...

Liz Potter
Oro Valley Police

March 22, 2006

Today was another hard day. Last night I was forced to make a hard decision, one I had been wrestling with a few weeks. Things did not turn out the way I wanted but the options weren't that great.

Whenever I am feeling overwhelmed I ask myself what would Larry say about this situation. My bottom line is always to seek your guidance.

I was still feeling so empty today that I went by the station and spoke with Captain Baker. The Dept. has been so good in letting us know the door is always open if we need to talk. So many times it feels like only our police family and other survivors truly know how we feel.

The world keeps going on, but our world is never the same.

I love you forever and ever. Mom

March 21, 2006

Dear Family of Officer Larry Lasater. Thank you so much for your comforting words on our daughters page. We will keep you in our prayers knowing how difficult his loss is to you and we also hope to meet you in Washington D.C. in May. May God Bless You.

Molly's Mom EOW 2-10-05

March 21, 2006

I have no words today, just wanted you to know you all are always in my heart.

Love,
Linda Rittenhouse
Matt's Mom Forever

Linda Rittenhouse
Mother of Officer Matthew Rittenhouse E.O.W.9/16/04

March 19, 2006

I still can't believe that this is my life. I never imagined that you wouldn't be here. You're missing so much. Cody has so many of your expressions. I love the fact that he recognizes people now. I want him to love other people, not just me. Today my parents watched him and as I drove up my dad was walking him down the street in his stroller. Cody had a little hooded jacket on and all you could see was his round chubby face and his two little teeth...he was smiling so big.

There's so much I want to say to you. If only I could have one more day with you in my life.

Love you

March 17, 2006

Larry, Mom found this prayer and wanted to post it for you.

"When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a way that when you die, the world will cry and you will rejoice." (American Indian Prayer)

That is how you lived your life, my precious son.

Loving you always, Mom

March 17, 2006

Hi honey. I have cried a lot today. It has been an emotional rollercoaster.
When you were first taken from us, I tried to be stoic, especially at your funeral. It was so important for me to give a eulogy for you and I just kept praying to God to get me through that day and then I would give myself permission to fall apart. I do not know if it is because April is approaching but I find myself unable to always retain my composure at public events whenever your memory is honored.

Today was the second time that an officer received the Larry Lasater award at the graduation ceremony of the academy. As I listened to Lt. Burton speak about you, I could not contain my emotions and broke down. Ron. R was sitting behind me and immediately moved to console me. Lt. Burton was also trying to keep his emotions in check as he was speaking, but I felt his pain and sorrow. Through the tears, I also felt great pride in knowing that this recipient was a Pittsburg Officer. Officer McQuire was a former Marine also and when I met her, I could see that the award meant so much to her. Later I went to the swearing in at the Dept. for the three new officers to join the Pittsburg family. As usual, everyone gravitated to Cody and were amazed at how big he is getting. Jo Ann just had some pictures taken of Cody in his UNC outfit you bought him and in his little Marine cammis, and left them for your friends. Cody and Seth were also photographed together, and when I saw the photographs on the computer, I actually thought Cody was Seth. That is how much alike they look.

I am forever proud of you. I love you and hope God is holding you in the sweetest part of his heart and the most gentle part of his soul.

Loving you forever, Mom.

March 16, 2006

Dear Phyllis,
Thank you for your thoughtful reflections on Mike's memorial page. I never want his sacrifice to be forgotten, and messages such as yours help prove to me that people remember.

When I read your message about having met Mike after your son's shooting, I was surprised at the coincidence but not surprised that Mike was there to help you. He always felt so strongly about supporting his fellow officers' sacrifices: by attending funerals whenever possible, wearing a black band on his badge, and helping out in any way he could. I know that it was an honor for him to be there to help your family that awful day of Larry's death.

I hope to see you again at the next COPS meeting. This time, I will be sure to come talk with you and JoAnn, as my mother did at the February meeting.

Your grandson is adorable. All babies are precious, but your grandson is even more precious as a living piece of Larry for you, JoAnn, and all your family and friends to cherish. That is what my girls are for me, and their presence gives me so much strength and purpose.

May you, JoAnn, and the rest of your family remain strong for each other.

Sincerely,
Michelle Walker

Michelle Walker
Widow of CHP Lt. Michael Walker, EOW 12-31-05

March 16, 2006

Today in therapy we did this technique that brought so many things to mind. It was so weird! It was like I spent the day with you. I remembered so many things. I felt like I could touch you it was so real. Some of the things (like Las Vegas) were so long ago but it was as if it had just happened. I was also back in San Diego. You coming in from a week in the field so dirty and exhausted and me talking to you while you had a beer and soaked in the tub for over an hour. San Diego was such a wonderful way to start our marriage. Alone, away from everyone else. It was nice to have it be just the two of us. I keep going over and over it but we should have stayed there and bought that house. We were so stupid and look at what that decision cost us. I know that something could've happened to you in Iraq but I'll never know how it would've turned out had we stayed or if only you would've been a police officer somewhere else. I wish I would've known what you were facing but you only told me what I could handle. I love you for that but I wish you would have been honest with me. I would've made you quit. Yes, you'd be miserable in your job but you'd be coming home to me and your baby.

Love you

March 10, 2006

My Brothers and Sisters, we have all sworn to perform our duties, impartially and without hesitation or fear. Our present duty, and though it be painful, is to pay a just and deserving tribute of honor to a Brother or Sister who has embarked upon that lone journey which leads through the valley of the great shadow into the sunlight of perpetual day and lasting tranquility.
These feeble but heart-felt words can do little more than remind us of the duty which we owe to our departed friend and colleague.
As he was ever faithful to us in the full performance of his task and the protection of those who slept, so let us be, my Brothers, faithful to him, ever zealous to protect and cherish the memory of his good deeds, forgetting his imperfections, and emblazoning his accomplishments.
As time runs on, in sun and shade, may we bear with us ever-pleasant memories of a hallowed friendship, a kindly feeling, and a deep respect for all our Brother stood for. As an indication of our regard and affection, let us pause and, in silent meditation, typify what mere words cannot express.
Let us pray:
Almighty God, be with us on this occasion. Strengthen us in a firm resolve to do right, to serve well, to be faithful to our tasks, to our community, and to our Brothers. Make us appreciative of the opportunities to do good and to lend a helping hand. Inspire us with a new devotion to fulfill the duties, which are entrusted to our keeping. May those who mourn be comforted in this sad hour, and may they be strengthened by the knowledge of Thy presence and Thy omnipotence.
May we be constantly reminded in the hours of the night, as well as in the brightness of the day, of Thy everlasting love and kindness, and may Thou guide us through this uncharted valley and bring us at last to the shore of the eternal stream, our ranks unbroken, to dwell with Thee forever more. We ask this humbly through Thy redeeming grace and power. Amen.

March 8, 2006

Dear Phyliss and Jo Ann,
I know Larry's cousin, Ricky in North Carolina and heard of your son and your husband a few days after he passed. My family and I are going to Washington next month and I'd like to know if you would like us to leave a special tribute to Larry. We would be honored to do so for a fellow Marine and Police Officer. My husband is both a former Marine and current Federal Police Officer. I can not imagine the pain you must be feeling right now, I can only offer you my family's sincere blessing on your family. My children and I would like to make something specail to honor Larry and then take a picture of it at the memorial in D.C. for you. You can always reach me on America on Line to let me know if this ok. Take care of yourselves and give that precious baby all of the love and affection from all of us who care!
JONJENSEN3

Christine Jensen

March 7, 2006

A Tribute to the Heroes Among Us


Our hearts go out to you and your families. You’re in our thoughts and our prayers. Thank you just doesn’t seem like enough for men and women who are heroes when we need them, but invisible, ignored, and unappreciated when we don’t.

You rescue us, save our possessions, our lives and our families. You are the heroes among us. You are always there for us in the most traumatic moments of our lives. No matter when we call, we just expect that you will come and do whatever it takes to help us. Your selflessness and dedication are awe-inspiring. We show our appreciation with low pay in many parts of the country, little respect, and indifference for the issues in your lives, most of the time. As young children, we want to grow up and be you until we get older and realize the risk isn’t worth the reward.

As outsiders, we envy you secretly. You have benefits in your careers that our jobs just can’t provide. Your work is not the same old thing every day. You get the opportunity to be heroes every time you go to work. You obviously love what you do, and you’re a family. You have a oneness the rest of society longs for. You care about and support each other. You know each other’s families, share each other’s lives. The rest of us face life’s trials and tribulations alone. You are never alone. You have each other, always.

It is our loss not to know you better. This world, this country, your individual towns truly are better places because of you. To lose one of you is a great tragedy, an irreplaceable, immeasurable loss for society. We should be grateful for and to you, and honor you regularly for all you do for us day in and day out without a word of thanks or praise.

We should be ashamed of ourselves; and yet, you continue to do all you do for us in spite of our behavior, which speaks to the people you are. How many of us are willing to do a job knowing we may not go home at the end of the day?

Maybe one day in the future, you will all be recognized for all you do with better pay, and the community support and respect you so richly deserve. Until then, hang tough together, and God Bless You and your families.

Anonymous
Houston,Texas

March 7, 2006

National Police Prayer

Almighty God, Father of all Mercies, we ask Thy blessing and guidance on all law enforcement officers engaged in the protection of our citizens. Be with them in their lonely tours of duty while patrolling the busy streets of our cities and the remote areas of our country. Give them the blessing of your wisdom, to know and do what is right. Temper their actions with mercy and justice. When their tours are completed and the day is over, guide them safely home to their loved ones.

We ask Thy blessing and eternal rest to all our brothers who have sacrificed their very lives in the performance of their duties. Give to their loved ones the peace and strength to bear the anguish of their loss. Remove all resentment from their hearts, knowing that eternal peace and rest will abide their departed loved ones forever. This we beg Thy name forever and ever, Amen.

March 7, 2006

For Cody and all the other children whose blue angel parents are their guardian angels always watching over them

A real story from a mother who lost her husband in the line of duty.


DADDY'S DAY

Her hair up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a bow
Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go
But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home
Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone
But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say
What to tell her classmates, on this Daddy's Day
But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone
And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home
But the little girl went to school, eager to tell them all
About a dad she never sees, a dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet
Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats
One by one the teacher called, a student from the class
To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed
At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare
Each of them were searching, for a man who wasn't there
"Where's her daddy at?" she heard a boy call out
"She probably doesn't have one," another student dared to shout
And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say
"Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offend her, as she smiled at her friends
And looked back at her teacher, who told her to begin
And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak
And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique
"My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away
But I know he wishes he could be with me on this day
And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know
All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so
He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike
He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite
We used to share fudge sundaes and ice cream in a cone
And though you cannot see him, I'm not standing all alone
'Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart
I know because he told me, he'll forever be here in my heart"
With that her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest
Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress
And from somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears
Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years
For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life
Doing what was best for her, doing what was right
And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd
She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud
"I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star
And if he could he'd be here, but heaven's just too far
But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day
And to her mother's amazement, she witnessed with surprise
A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes
Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside
Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me Daddy," to the silence she called out
And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt
Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been
closed
But there placed on her desktop, was a beautiful fragrant pink rose
And a child was blessed, if only a moment, by the love of her shining
bright star
And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far.

March 7, 2006

Yesterday was a tough day. The one place I have considered a refuge and a place where I did not have to hold back my grief became very questionable for me. It did not feel like a safe haven anymore because of issues I was bringing to the table or rather not bringing them to the table when I needed to. I am trying to take a deep breath and step back for a while before I make any decisions about what to do next. What I decide could have such a major impact on what's left of my life.

There is so much anger inside me and some of it is misplaced right now. My feelings are illogical and intellectually I know that, but nevertheless that is my reality. It is very easy to be illogical right now.

Seth's birthday party was Saturday. I hope you see your nephew's gorgeous smile. I remember last year when Jo Ann, you and I were waiting in the hospital waiting room and you kept calling in work because you were waiting to see your nephew arrive. We were all so happy when the three of us got to go in and see him with James and Lenore. I remember Lenore telling him that his family was there. To know that you and Jo Ann and all the rest of Cody's family were robbed of that experience with Cody is one of those thoughts that makes me silently scream inside.

There was a lot of people that knew you at Seth's party, some of them for many years. I wanted to just focus on the joyous experience of his first birthday party because he deserves that, but I couldn't help but look around and there was a big hole where you should have been. I kept looking at all the couples with their babies, and then at Jo Ann with Cody and thinking how different and unfair their experience is. I know if I felt that looking at them, it had to be so painful for Jo Ann. She soldiered on, but I know that tears were shed that day for those unavoidable and totally understood and shared sentiments.

Cody had on a cute jeans outfit with a little brimmed cammi hat. He is such a little people watcher...he has your very intense look. Once he was holding my gaze for 2-3 minutes, and it was like looking into your eyes.

There were some cute snapshots taken of Cody and Seth together... I know that made you happy.

Love you forever and ever, Mom

March 7, 2006

We Do Not Need A Special Day

I do not need a special day
To bring you to my mind.
The days I do not think of you
Are very hard to find.

Each morning when I awake
I know that you are gone.
And no one knows the heartache
As I try to carry on.

My heart still aches with sadness
And secret tears still flow.
What it meant to lose you
No one will ever know.

My thoughts are always with you.
Your place no one can fill.
In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.

There will always be a heartache,
And often a silent tear,
But always a precious memory
Of the days when you were here.

If tears could make a staircase,
And heartaches make a lane,
I'd walk the path to Heaven
And bring you home again.

I hold you close within my heart,
And there you will remain,
To walk with me throughout life
Until we meet again.

(Author Unknown)

March 7, 2006

I miss Sundays when you'd call on the way home from work and ask if I'd like to go to breakfast. I looked forward to that every Sunday. Now all my days are blurred together. Half the time I don't know what day it is or the date. I'm so glad that I have Cody. Without him I really wouldn't have a reason to go on at all.

I love you

March 6, 2006

Dear Phyllis,
I would like to thank you so much for your kind words about my father. You have no idea how much your words touched me. I pray for your family and your son's wife and child. It was truly touching all that your son gave even past his life. May God bless and keep your whole family and comfort you when times are hard, as I know they can often be. Your son's sacrifice will not be forgotten. Blessed are the peacekeepers...God Bless Your Family

Crystal Proctor
daughter of fallen officer Gary Joe Bryant

March 4, 2006

Cody's almost 8 months old and you've been gone 10 months already. Yesterday I had a crying fit because the song "I Will Remember You" came on the radio. Then after that "Here without You" Maybe they were signs from you. I still cry on a daily basis but sometimes like yesterday I cry uncontrollably. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much pain.

Cody is with his Aunt Louise, Uncle Peter, Joseph and Vincent. Cody loves to see my parents, his aunts and cousins. They all make sure to schedule "Cody time" each week. I know they would have loved him just as much if you were here but I think that everyone feels a special bond with him because of what happened. They know that it's so important to make sure this child has plenty of love in his life. They all make an effort to be a part of his life. You'd be shocked that someone that has always been in my life has never even met our son. Sometimes the people you thought you could depend on you just can't. On that depressing note, I'll say goodnight.

Love you always

March 3, 2006

Larry,

Hey, it's T. Everytime I think of you I think of that one time that your momma didn't have a car because Hankie dropped her off and had some errands to run. She had court that day and needed a car. Well, in typical Larry style you let her borrow your car, I believe it was a Pontiac. We get into the car and we discover that the driver's seat is broken and the back of the seat won't stay up. So all day long she and I are cruising all over Martinez with this broken seat. In order for her to be able to drive and see over the dash, I have to hold the back of the seat up. We drove like this all day long, looking as if we were lowriding because she was down so low in the seat. When we finally got to you in the afternoon to drop off the car, we told you about the broken seat and you looked at us like we were a bunch of idiots and said "the seat isn't broken, look this is how it works." Your momma and I looked at eachother and just busted up! I ended up with a sore arm for nothing!! To this day, your momma and I laugh about the "lowrider" story. She misses you so much Larry and everytime she talks about you, it is with such deep love that only a mother can feel.

Always, T.

March 3, 2006