Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

It's been a really hard couple of weeks. It's been a hard year and a half. I miss you so much that sometimes I can barely get through the day. The only thing that keeps me going is Cody. Sometimes it's so overwhelming doing this alone and I feel so bad for Cody that he only has me. Together this would've been a wonderful experience but alone I have to deal with grief, anger and making all these decisions on my own. Being a parent is amazing but it's not what it should've been. I don't get to share every little thing with anyone. Even though Cody has so many people that love him, I know that the little things he does would only be amazing to me and you.

Cody says grandma and grandpa. Actually, it's his version of the words. It's really cute. As soon as he sees my dad or mom he says it. He loves to look through my purse and take everything out and then try to stuff it back in. He took my camera today and held it up to his face trying to imitate me taking a picture. He gets angry when he doesn't get his way. He can be very dramatic! He's still really sweet, he gives hugs and likes to cuddle.

You're missing what should've been the best part of your life. You accomplished so many things in your short life but I think you would've traded it all to be a dad. I can only imagine how we would've been as a family. I bet we'd be ready for our second child. So much was taken from us that day.

We love you

October 14, 2006

Jo Ann,
I just wanted to let you know I am still thinking of you and Cody and hoping that you are finding sunshine in your son. My thoughts are with you and Cody as are my prayers. Please stay strong and know Larry is always with you. He can't be taken from your heart.........

October 10, 2006

Jo Ann
Your strength & courage is a gift from Heaven. May the love that you have for your husband bring you peace and comfort. Cody is going to grow up a very special boy. His dad will always be there with him in spirit, guiding him with you. My thoughts and prayer are with you and your family. Be strong. Don't let the people who took your husband away take away your smile, because even though a part of you will never be the same, you have reason to smile. Cody will be your ray of sunshine to help you through the day.

October 6, 2006

I never met you, but I feel honored to have known that God created a wonderful person such as yourself. What is going on in todays world. Why are people so full of hate? Is it because parents aren't around to raise their children? How can people want to take another life? Maybe one day you and God will answer those questions for me. Your mother did a wonderful job with you! She should always be proud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

October 4, 2006

Dear Larry:
In reading about you, I felt compelled to write to you, for several reasons. First, you have EARNED that respect and honor. Though we have never met, I am certain, that some day, we WILL meet in a better place, and I will have the honor to shake your hand. Secondly, I was moved to tears, (again) when I realized that that animal took you away before you had the chance to see your child. When I learned of this, it made me feel even more compelled to go after the criminal element with more vigor and tenacity than ever. When I realize that out there is a woman who lost her husband and friend, a child who will never get to play with his Dad, and a Mom who suffered for 9 months and then gave years of sacrifice to create a caring and brave man like you, I find a resolve deep inside of me that surfaces. And as it does, I find that the resolve makes me continue to do this job with the same honor that you displayed.
For 27 years now, I have worn a badge and lived by the oath we all take. Only now, each time I read about a brother officer who has made the supreme sacrifice, I understand all the more clearly, what it truly means to "serve and protect". To serve the ideals of our forefathers, that our people shall live free from fear; life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness shall be theirs' to enjoy. To protect those who cannot protect themselves, regardless of who or what they are. Larry, you are what an American REALLY is.
May God hold you close. May He ease your wife's suffering and loneliness. May our Heavenly Father safeguard your child, and may He give your Mom the knowledge to know, that because of her, this world was a better place having you in it.
Rest in peace brother. We have the watch now. Amen.

Detective Ron Tomassi
Palm Beach Sheriff's Office-Florida

October 2, 2006

JoAnn ~

I wanted to stop in and let you know I was thinking of you today. I've read your recent reflections to Larry and was struck by the one you left on 7/20 - about things you've written here being published without your authorization. The same thing happened to me a few months ago; someone discovered the ODMP and literally copied one of my reflections to Jesse onto a forum in our local newspaper. It was just awful, I felt so violated. But the situation was corrected and I was also assured it would not happen again.

As a result of that, I also did not post to Jesse for a while. But, like you and so many other wives, I find such comfort here. It's difficult to explain why writing on here is so helpful. So cathartic. But it is. I check alot of sites regularly and reading reflections posted by other widows lets me know that I am not alone - especially when our thoughts seem to be the same, our feelings similar. It reassures me that I am O.K. I also agree with you that a lot of people use this site as a way to find out how we are doing, find out what is going on with us, especially when they don't feel comfortable calling us themselves.

Anyway, I just wanted to take a minute to let you know you were being thought about today. I love to read your updates on Cody; it sounds like he is just adorable. Please take care and know that you are not forgotten.

Thanks again, Larry. May you continue to rest in peace.

Carin Sollman, surviving spouse
Officer Jesse E. Sollman, EOW 3/25/05

September 29, 2006

Life is so very hard without you here.

Love forever

Mom

September 25, 2006

I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by,
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad.
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me
I wanna be the one

I will rememeber you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

But I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you
But more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness
Deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you, will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

September 18, 2006

I still can't believe that you're gone. It's been almost a year and a half, you'd think I would be able to come to terms with the fact that I'll never see you again but I just can't. It will be exactly a year and a half on our anniversary...it would have been 7 years.

Cody will blurt out "mom" or "ma" sometimes. It's so cute. He still says dog all the time and he's trying so hard to talk. He asks questions and although I can't understand the words he's using, he always gets his point across. He has his 10th tooth coming in.

I took Cody to two College Park freshman football games. You would've loved going to see Joseph play for our old school. Cody and I also went to Vincent's football game, Daniel's soccer game and Nick's baseball game. We still have to see Dominic play which will be really cute. He thinks he's such a big boy playing soccer.

I was looking at your cell phone today and noticed you had programmed voice activation just for my cell phone #. I played it and I now have a way to hear you say my name. I really needed that. I haven't shut off either of your cell phones and I never will since I need to hear your voice.

We love you

September 18, 2006

I'm making a very important decision and I think you'd be proud of me. I think you've been guiding me the whole time. I know this is something we'd be doing if you were here. I'll never do anything that we couldn't or wouldn't have done together. A part of me is sad but the logical side of me is telling me that this is the right thing to do. We don't want to live without you but sadly we have to. I have to make the best life possible for Cody. I know no matter what I do for him his life will never be as great as it would've been with you here. I miss you so much. I know you visited 2 nights ago when you made that toy play by itself for 10 minutes. I think you were telling me I'm doing the right thing.

We love you...

September 13, 2006

Today I attended another graduation ceremony at the Academy and saw Deputy Ryan of the Contra Costa County Sheriff's Dept. receive the Larry Lasater Leadership award. I could not help but cry when I heard the wonderful remarks about you. What a wonderful honor the Academy bestowed upon you by creating this award in your memory.

We all miss you so much. Today is one of those days that I physically hurt with missing you. How I wish your yesterday had been spent with Jo Ann and Cody enjoying the holiday with your family and friends. This nightmare is so unfair as it is for every other fallen officer and his/her loved ones.

You will always be my precious baby.

Loving you forever

Mom

September 5, 2006

THE BROKEN CHAIN

We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name,
In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone,
For part of us went with you, the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide,
And though we cannot see you, you are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.

--Author Unknown

September 2, 2006

I have been where your family is now, they will move on and you'll never be forgotten. I hope they will get justice so they can move on.

God Bless You for Your Service,

RIP

June Wheeler
Officer Down Victim

August 30, 2006

I saw "World Trade Center" the other day. You loved movies so much and I know this would've been one that we would've seen together. It was an emotional experience especially since it was about the rescue of two trapped police officers. The reaction of the wives was so true to life. Absolute shock when they didn't know what the outcome would be. It reminded me of my reaction when they told me how bad your injuries were but I was saying that you were going to work a construction job once you were home. I knew but I didn't want to believe it. Shock really protects a person from feeling emotions they're not ready for. One of the wives was pregnant and they had been going back and forth on names...just like us. One of the police officers held on for his wife. He even said that his love for her saved him. I wish my love could have saved you. I would've done ANYTHING to bring you home. There was also a Marine and of course that reminded me of you. They don't leave anyone behind and either do police officers. I wish you had never joined the police force but I can't help but be extremely proud of you that you were a part of two amazing brotherhoods. The movie also brought back memories of 9/11 and your frantic call to me telling me to turn around and come home. You didn't want me to go to work. Who would worry about me that much now if something happened?

The trial will be here before we know it and I promise you that I will behave. Last time in court I could feel my anger right at the surface and I almost couldn't control it. Part of the reason was there were some people waiting for another case talking about police officers. I wanted to confront them but instead I just listened and took the advice of someone sitting there and considered the source. Enough said...they weren't too bright.

Love you

August 29, 2006

Cody had his first haircut today! He was pretty good. He still has his curls but now they're not so out of control. What a handsome little boy we have. He now has 9 teeth. He loves planes and loved it when we went to the Concord airport to watch them take off. A pilot waved to him and he waved back. That's the first time he's waved. He loves the fans that you put in so much. He thinks Dominic is the coolest and follows him around. Vincent took him in the pool the other day. Cody is so fortunate to have 6 big boy cousins to play with. All of them are so good with him. Seth and Cody are adorable together. They were trying to hug last night.

Still missing you so much...it never gets easier. Cody smiles at your picture when I ask where his daddy is. It's a special smile that he only gets when he looks at you.

Love you forever

August 29, 2006

R I P, Bro !

Maj M. B. Parlor
USMC / LAPD

August 24, 2006

I have begun to type this message a hundred times.But I always stop because I really dont know what to say.In a couple weeks I leave the academy that you helped me build.I dont know if/when I will be back.I know that without you we would not be as good as we are.You have given me strength and passion to train recruits.Your presence at the Academy will last forever.I have had the honor of having Phil here to guide what will likely be my last class.He got me a bracelet from D.C. to honor you.I wear it with pride and sadness. You would be proud of the job he has done.He and Les are such great cops and the loyalty and love they have for you is inspirational.We all go on with your strength.But I find that I have to mask the sadness with toughness. We miss you Larry....LtMB

Mike Burton
Contra Costa Sheriff's Office

August 21, 2006

I took Cody to Pismo Beach for 2 days. We met my friend Rachel there. It was beautiful...not as beautiful as San Diego but at least I finally took Cody to the beach. Just as I thought he would, he loved it. He was crawling all over the sand and headed right for the ocean. I just kept imagining us there as a family. It would've been the perfect vacation spot for us. I realized that I can take Cody to the most beautiful places on earth and it still won't change a thing. I can take him to baby classes, swimming, to the park, on vacation...it doesn't matter, nothing changes. We still don't have you. I wish I could move to San Diego so he could grow up close to the beach. If I had my family down there I think I'd do it. I miss it but I really think it's the memories of us there that I miss.

Love you

August 16, 2006

I had a dream this morning. I was dreaming that we were prepairing for your wedding - It was a happy dream. Jo Ann, Denise and myself were getting our dresses fitted... I felt so happy that you were joining the family.... Then for some reason I remembered everything that's happened and I woke up and a wave of saddness came over me.... I guess a part of me still can't believe that you are gone... I look at your pictures and I still can't believe it...

Cody is getting so big. He loves our dogs, Winston the Golden Retriever and Luna, they new puppy. He says 'Dog' clear as a bell! Joseph and I took Cody for a walk in his stroller with the dogs. He loved it. He would lean out the side of his stroller and watch the dogs walking next to him. He's so much fun... Both Joseph and Vincent want Cody go come to their football games.

Louise
sister-in-law

August 16, 2006

To the Family, friends and fellow Officers,
I've been trying to think of an eloquent reflection to post on this site after reading what was posted on my daughter's site Aug 1st. I find it difficult to find the right words. Mere words can't ease the pain that's felt even after years of losing your loved one...it just never goes away. There is always a hole in your heart that never heals. Losing a child is devastating, and when I think of a baby who will never have a chance to really know his father, and a young mother who copes with that all the years that child is growing up, my heart truly breaks for you.
My daughter, Melissa Schmidt, also died by gunfire on duty with the City of Minneapolis, (EOW 8/01/02) at 35 yrs of age and was a former Marine. I'm sure she and Larry are walking the heavenly beat and have everything under control.
They'll both live on in our hearts and memories and will be with us forever in spirit. My thoughts and prayers are
with all of you.
Sincerely, Carole Schmidt

Another Survivor

August 16, 2006

Hi, Joanne.
I finally got motivated and called COPS to get your email address. They actually took my information and will be emailing it to you. So, hopefully we can get in contact soon. I think about you all the time - I haven't forgotten you at all! Sounds like Cody is growing up so fast!!
Check your email!

Jennifer Waters
Mike Waters, WMPD, EOW 9.11.03

August 16, 2006

Dear Mrs. Lasater,
I know you don't know who I am, but I have so much admiration and respect for you. My cousin past away in the line of duty only two years ago, and his wife has already moved on. Its hurts are family greatly to know how easily she could just move on when all of us are still in so much pain. I read your reflections, and I could only wish my cousin had a wife like you.

August 14, 2006

I went to Officer Clearman's funeral. I can't help but wonder if you met him at some point in the Marines. He was an instructor where you went to that mountain leaders course. He was also in San Diego. Some of the pictures they showed of him reminded me of pictures I have of you. The service was so touching and to see his wife, parents and sisters broke my heart. His wife looked like she was in shock, the same way I must have looked. I feel sorry for her...I know the road she's about to travel and it never gets any easier. The difference now is that the shock has worn off. I still am not at the acceptance stage. I refuse to ever accept this.

I'm noticing changes in people now. Or maybe it's that I've changed so much that I don't feel the same connection to certain people that I once did. And frankly, I don't even care. Things that were once so important to me just don't matter anymore.

Cody has 8 teeth and quite the little personality. He wakes up smiling every morning. He has the same routine. He points to the fan and then moves his arm around and around like the fan. He then has to turn the light on and off about 20 times. Then he likes to open and close the medicine cabinet. I then put him down in his room and he turns on the music and is so proud that he figured that out. Still not walking but I can wait. It looks like he'll be a late walker like his cousin Daniel. Daniel calls Cody his "God brother" since we are his godparents and his parents are Cody's godparents. How cute.

Love you

August 12, 2006

Thank you for the reflection left at my son's page. I have visited Larry's page before and have left reflections. I thought I would drop in and leave a short note to his family. I know the pain everyone in the Lasater family is feeling. Holidays, special family events, are happy times, but they are not the same anymore with him not there with you. We go through the motions of smiling but deep down our hearts are forever broken and thinking of how it use to be. Keep Larry's memory alive and tell his son every day how he is looking down on him and walking at his side and loves him even though he is not here in body but in spirit. Our lives have been changed forever and when our sons were babies, we carried them in our arms, now we carry them in our hearts and will for as long as we walk this earth. Larry is a true hero who not only served his country in the military, but carried on in a professional manner in law enforcement. I salute him for his bravery and dedication. You are a true hero and will never be forgotten because Heroes Never Die. Keep watch over your loved ones and visit them in their dreams in vivid color with that beautiful smile you have, hold them so they can once again feel your warmth.

Bob Gordon, father of Fallen Chicago Officer
Michael P. Gordon, EOW: 8/8/04

Bob Gordon

August 11, 2006

This reflection was found on another fallen officer's site and has been modified for Larry.

LARRY'S HANDS

Larry, some thirty-five years, sat on the patio bench.
He didn't move, just sat with his head down staring at his hands.

When I sat down beside him he didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if he was OK.

Finally, not really wanting to disturb him but wanting to
check on him at the same time, I asked him if he was OK.

He raised his head and looked at me and smiled.
Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking, he said in a clear voice.

I didn't mean to disturb you, Larry, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK, I explained to him.

Have you ever looked at your hands he asked.
I mean really looked at your hands?

I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them.
I turned them over, palms up and then palms down.
No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I
tried to figure out the point he was making.

Larry smiled and related this story:

Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, and
how they have served you well throughout your years.

These hands have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and embrace life.

They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler when I crashed upon the floor.

They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back.

As a child my mother taught me to fold them in prayer.
I gently stroked my mother's face with them, and lifted them up to show I wanted to be held when I was a toddler.

I held on to my big brother James' hands with my smaller hand, and there are numerous childhood photographs of the two of us together with my hand in his.

They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots.

They helped me pin another opponent in many wrestling matches during my high school years.

They were used to raise a beer mug or can to my lips when I was socializing.

They held my rifle and helped me to to be a good commanding officer to my Marines who I loved as if they were my children.

They brought flowers to my mother-in-law Helen and champayne to my father-in-law Joe when I asked for their treasured youngest daughter's hand in marriage.

They dried the tears of my nieces and nephews.

They caressed the love of my life, my beautiful Jo Ann.

They held the sonogram of my son Cody which I proudly displayed to family and friends.

They wired my home, installed floors, painted walls, installed windows and doors as I fixed our home for my family. I used them to also work on a lot of friends' homes and I hope they think of me when they look around.

They put together the crib for my son Cody, and put different color stars on clothes hangers for him so his baby wardrobe would be sorted according to size.

They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent.
My friend Mike Ross said you could pick me out in a crowd when it was cold because they would turn so red.

They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn nephew Seth in March of 2005, and thought what it would be like to hold my own son Cody in a few months

They showed the world that I was engaged and loved someone special when I placed the ring on her finger.

They wrote the letters home and trembled and shook when I buried those I loved.

Yet, they were strong and sure when I used them to safeguard others.

They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw.

These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness and gentleness of my life.

But more importantly it will be these hands
that God will reach out and take when he leads me home.
And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I
will use these hands to touch the face of God.

I will never look at my hands the same again.

Now, I realize God reached out and took my Larry's hands
and led him home. When my hands are hurt or sore, or when I stroke the face of my loved ones, I think of Larry.

I know he has been stroked and caressed and held
by the hands of God.

I, too, want to touch the face of God and feel his hands upon my face. Someday when we are together again with Larry

(Author of original Unknown)

If anyone who knew Larry was moved by this and has a memory about what Larry's hands means to them, please share it.

August 11, 2006