Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

A million times I've missed you
A million times I've cried
If love could have saved you
You never would have died
Things I feel most deeply
Are the hardest things to say
My dearest one
I have loved you in a very special way
I often sit and think of you
And think of how you died
Noone can know my lonliness
And noone can see me weeping
All my tears from an aching heart
While others are still sleeping
If I had one lifetime wish
A dream that would come true
I'd pray to God with all my heart
For yesterday and you

If death and I met suddenly
And I were given a choice
Of all the sounds I'd ever heard
I know I'd choose your voice.

Missing and loving you, Jes. Always and forever.
Carin

May 2, 2006

Jes,

Your daughter learned how to ride a bike without training wheels today. You would be so proud of her, Jes. She is just like you - she has no fear of anything, she just got right on it and started peddling. Here I am, running behind her holding the seat and she's saying "I'm O.K. mom, you can let go! I'm O.K. mom, you can let go! LET GO MOM!!!!!" So I did, and off she went.

I was afraid to let go of her, I was so afraid she'd fall and get hurt. But she wasn't afraid at all. She did a great job.

We love you Jes, and miss you all the time.
Always and forever,
Carin,Savannah and Jacob

April 29, 2006

Jes,

Some days without you are so difficult; little things just remind me so profoundly that you aren't here anymore.

I went on the NLEOMF website today and read through the list of names added to the Memorial. Seeing your name in print there is so final. So permanent. So forever.
So unbelievably, overwhelmingly painful.

This past week has felt like I've been on an emotional roller-coaster (and you know how I hate roller-coasters). My heart has felt so heavy. I miss you terribly.

I love you. Always and forever,
Carin

April 27, 2006

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your family and your friends. Your sacrifice will never be forgotten. As a current Police Officer in Washington, DC and life long resident of Bethlehem Township, PA, I cannot wait for you to be finally honored May 13th, 2006 at the Candlelight Vigil during National Police Week in DC. Your name is proudly engraved on Panel 15-W Line 25. As for your family and friends, I hope they are able to attend the ceremony. You and 465 of our brothers/sisters will be honored that night by thousands of Police Officers from all over the world. As I wear the mourning band around my badge during Police Week, know that I wear it for you. Thank you for looking down on us with a watchful eye.

Officer M. Lenner
Metropolitan Police Dept. District of Columbia

April 27, 2006

"Jesse's Final Inspection"

Jesse stood and faced his God.
Which must always come to pass.
Jesse hoped his shoes were shining.
Just as brightly as his brass.

Step forward now, Officer.
How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek?
To My church have you been true?

Jesse squared his shoulders and said,
"No, Lord, I guess I ain't,
Because those of us who carry badges,
Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays,
And at times my talk was rough,
And sometimes I've been violent,
Because the streets are awfully tough.

But I never took a penny,
That wasn't mine to keep.
Though I worked a lot of overtime,
When the bills just got too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear.
And sometimes, God forgive me,
I've wept unmanly tears.

I know that I don't deserve a place
Among the people here.
They never wanted me around,
Except to calm their fear.

If you've a place for me here,
Lord, It needn't be so grand.
I've never expected or had too much,
But if you don't, I'll understand."

There was silence all around the throne,
Where the saints had often trod.
As Jesse waited quiety,
For the judgment of his God.

"Step forward now, Officer Jesse Sollman.
You've borne your burdens well.
Come walk a beat on Heaven's streets,
You've done your time in Hell."

Officer M. Lenner
Metropolitan Police Dept. District of Columbia

April 27, 2006

I really miss you, Jes. I've really been feeling sad the past couple of days - I wish you were here.

Savannah has her first softball game tomorrow night; sometimes it just hits me hard when I think of all the things you are missing, all the things you should be here for. It makes me so angry and frustrated when I see other families together - it just isn't fair. I really hate doing this by myself.

I miss you. I wish you were here to make everything right again.

I love you. Always and forever.
Carin

April 25, 2006

Hey Jes,

The kids and I spent the weekend with Dianne, Brian and the boys. I was thinking about the last time we were there as a family and you were helping Brian pull the horns off the bulls - Bri and his dad couldn't believe the way you jumped right into the bullpen and grabbed ahold of them like you'd been doing it all your life. That was so typical of you, Jes......just jumping into the bullpen without any fear or hesitation. That is how you lived your life!

There was noone there to drink beer with Brian so he had a strawberry margarita with me and Dianne - we all were laughing at the thought of you sipping on one too!

Brian is probably going to send 2 cows to the butcher in June and I told him I'd take a hind and a front. Which of course got us all talking about the last time we got beef! To make a long story short - you should've used the strap on the dolley!!!!!

Brian really misses you Jes. He is so sad without you there, I can see it in his eyes. Please be with him.

Anyway, I just wanted to drop in and tell you how much I love you. We miss you every minute, Jes.

Always and forever,
Carin

April 23, 2006

Carin,
I was just reading through Bran's old reflections and came across your reflection again and realized I never left anything for Jesse. Thank you for your reflection. I wish I had some wise words to make this journey easier. I don't....I don't think any of us do. We all do the best we can with what life has given us. Keep marching forward. I know you often wander if it gets any easier. It does. You don't forget, the pain doesn't really lessen, you just learn to live with that pain buried deep inside. I guess you adjust to it. If you ever need an ear of a companion that knows the journey you are walking you can contact me through Ohio COPS....I am always ready and willing to listen to a friend in need. Follow your heart it will lead you where you need to go...I am so sorry you had take this journey. It is heartbreaking to know that any family has to start this journey...

I hope to see you in DC. It is amazing and you will meet many people that you will be able to relate to. COPS is an amazing organization. Embrace it.

Much love and continued healing.

Thank you Jesse for all that you gave to our law enforcement community.

Sara Winfield
Wife of Brandy EOW 10/14/04

April 20, 2006

Carin,
Thank you for the words on Michael's page. I've also read through you husbands page and he sounds like he was a wonderful husband, father, friend and partner and your reflections let others know that about him. I look forward to meeting you, too, in D.C.

I've asked the same questions as you regarding how we can let the most recent surviving spouses know that things will get better, eventually. I truly believe that what we say and how we move through this grief is the most helpful testament to what the future holds. I had so much support from others who had also lost a spouse at the COPS kids camp and also at the COPS spouse's retreat who were all telling me and showing me that I would feel better and experience happiness again...eventually, I believed them and over the last few months, have actually felt it.

I feel blessed that the first weeks and months of grief are behind me and believe that it is part of my journey through this grief to help others along, too.

I pray for continued healing, strength and peace for all of us traveling this journey...Take Care.

Denise Scarbrough, surviving spouse of
Sgt. Michael A. Scarbrough EOW 2/9/05

April 19, 2006

Jesse,

Brother, I have never met you. All I can do is honor you in the best way I know possible. In your honor, I am riding my police bike,with your bracelet on my wrist from New Jersey to Washington, D.C.
May your honor be etched in our hearts brother

Carin,
I hope I get to meet you at the Police Memorial.
Your husband will always be remembered.

Ptlm Timchak
Montclair PD NJ

Ptlm JohnTimchak
Montclair P.D.

April 17, 2006

Jesse~

There will never be an Easter that goes by that I won't think of you. You were one of the best friends that I had within the department and I will never forget that. I will miss your friendship forever.

Jeanne

Detective Jean L. Dubbs
Easton Police Department

April 15, 2006

Jes,

Happy Easter honey. We love you.

Always and Forever,
Carin, Savannah and Jacob

April 15, 2006

Hey Jes,
Life is going on without you, how is that possible. It feels like a year plus long stand still for me. I still can't accept this. The other day I swore I heard you. Then I came back to reality. Jesse, I miss you more than words can say. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you, or something reminds me of you. I know your up in heaven watching over us all, but we want you here.

Just the other day I heard that song by Mariah Carey & Boyz 2 men, shining down on me from heaven. I started to cry cause the words are so true. But in a positive light you are in heaven & that's a good thing.

I know one day I will see you again. Till then I'll just keep you in my heart & soul. Miss & love you Jess!

Friend forever

April 14, 2006

Carin,
Although we've never met, I know of your strength and love. You are an amazing woman to comfort our family, while your family has experienced such a painful loss. You are in our prayers.

Mary Krupski and family

Mary Krupski and family

April 8, 2006

Mrs Sollman,
I read the different post on your husband's site. You posted to our officer Micheal Byrd's page and I could not help but write to you. You can offer great help and encouragment to Micheal's wife. It is obvious through your friend's writings that you are a honorable woman and mother. I am sorry for your loss.Officer Sollman obviously however knew how to pick a strong police family partner. Your strength I am sure he smiles on today. I would like to put you in touch with Micheal's wife if possible.

Capt. Tillman
Pascagoula PD

March 31, 2006

Jes,

I can't believe that one year ago today was your memorial service, and one year ago tomorrow I buried you. Sometimes it still seems like a bad dream that I'm waiting to wake up from.

I miss you. I love you. Always and forever.
Carin

March 30, 2006

Jes,
How can this be that you're gone when you were always so full of life? How can it be? I have asked this question over and over again for the past year and still cannot comprehend that someone who had so much life and so much love for life could be taken so tragically.

I remember it like it was yesterday when Art came home from taking a Criminal Justice class and telling me about a guy he met named Jesse. I think it was after the second or third class you two had together that he wanted me to meet you and your girlfriend, Carin. We met for lunch and I remember thinking how odd of a couple you two were. You were loud and goofy with a tough boy image and Carin was quiet, mature and much more serious than you were. I remember thinking that you guys would probably not want a friendship with us because we were at such different stages in our lives. Art and I were 28/29, married 8 yrs with two kids and you and Carin were 22/23 and dating less than a year. That was not the case. The four of us went out a few times and became fast friends. It was then that I realized how perfect you and Carin were together. You fit and complemented each other. You would be your goofy self and Carin would just smile and laugh.
I loved the way you always made her laugh. You guys became part of our family and our families loved you both.

I can't believe I will never see you again or hear you call me some sort of food item. My family loved that about you, Jes. You made all the females feel special even though, you were calling them a turnip, squash, pork chop or whatever food item popped into your head.

I'll miss you calling and asking,"how your kids are", meaning Mike, Vince and Lexie and I can't believe I will never hear you tell me you love me again. You used to torment me with that. I remember the first time you told me you loved me. I froze. I never had another guy, other than my husband, tell me he loves me and I didn't know what to say. You helped me with that because you wouldn't let me off the phone until I told you I loved you. It became a joke between us. You would tell me you loved me and I would ignore you and you would say it louder and louder and louder until I finally said it.

I will also miss your big hugs and you yelling to me across the room, "Momma, get over here and give me a kiss" and the way you loved to torment Alexa by hugging me and telling her I was your mommy just so she would fight you for me. I will miss the way you would hug Mike and Vince in front of their friends and tell them they were never too old to hug their Uncle Jesse.

I regret the time we won't have together and I am sorry for taking our friendship for granted. We always knew we would be there for each other but losing you has taught me that you don't always have tomorrow and you can't take the people you love for granted. I needed that lesson but I just wish I would've learned it under different circumstances. We all miss you so much. Artie misses you, Mike, Vince and Lexie miss you and I miss you.

I remember the last time we saw you. It was at a restaurant in Easton. You were working and Art & I called you to find a good place to eat in Easton. Art & I were having lunch when you came barreling in, in typical Jesse style. You were working but stopped by to say hello. You talked about your new house and how great Carin and the kids were. You were so happy. I remember you eyeing up my plate and I said, "Jes, you can have my coleslaw and the rest of my sandwich". You, of course, said you couldn't, but continued to steal from my plate until you ate all of what I had offered you. You left to go back to work and Art and I sat there for about 15 minutes waiting for the bill and wondering why our waitress didn't give it to us only to find out that you paid it. I don't ever think I got to thank you for that lunch and I know I never thought that would be the last time I would see you.

Jes, please know we will always be there for Carin, Savannah and Jacob. Your love of life and spirit lives through them. Carin has had to endure more pain in the past year than any person should have to go through in a life time. She has dealt with it with dignity and grace. She is truly amazing but... you already knew that about her.

You will always be in my heart. So long for now until we meet again. I LOVE YOU!!!
Tracy

March 26, 2006

Carin-I know there really is nothing I can say to ease your heart. But one thing you still do have is your beautiful children. Look into there eyes, you will see Jesse staring right back at you.
Jesse would want you to be happy you deserve that. He will always be with you & your children. Where ever life takes you, no matter what you choose to do, Jesse will be there.

March 25, 2006

Today being the first anniversary of
your departure, I wanted to drop by
and tell your sweet family that I'm sorry your career ending so tragically.
Life is just plain hard sometimes. I
see Carin's reflections on other
pages and I know that must be
comforting to others as only one who
goes thru this kind of pain can really
empathize with those on the same
difficult journey. My thoughts are with
you, dear ones. How wonderful you
got to experience such a special love from an extraordinary man.
Lynn Kole
Washington State

March 25, 2006

Well son I just wanted you to know that we had Carin and the kid's over for dinner tonight. the kid's watched Harry Potter, and Chicken Little on the TV. Savannah won a basketball trophy, and Jake is getting bigger every day. Tomorrow we will stop over to see you, and I will tell you everything that's been going on since the last time I was there. I have several American flags to leave with you, and I am ordering Marine Corps flags for Carin so she can continue to leave them with you. I am glad we didn't have much snow this past winter because it bothers me to think of you and the cold. I never got the chance to thank you for talking to the Sheriff about me becoming a Deputy Sheriff, so thank's son, it was very thoughtful of you. I only wish I had taken advantage of the opportunity before last March. I know you would have really gotten a big kick when you came to the court house and I would be there every day. Mom will be with me tomorrow when we come over. You know she really misses you, and she knows how much you cared for Carin. I was looking in the mirror the other day Jes, and realized that I am getting old. I then looked at your picture on my computer screen and realized that to all of us who love you that you will never grow old. You will be Jesse, always young, always 36 years old, always strong, always proud, always loving, always funny, in love with your family, in love with your job, and the guys you worked with, always and eternally the same. We will all change, but you our loving son will remain in our hearts eternally young and unchanged. Wouldn't it be just great if you and I could do a shift together, maybe, just maybe some day.

Love You
Dad & Mom

Charles L. Hentz Deputy Sheriff
Sheriff Northampton County, Pa.

March 25, 2006

Our hearts and prayers go out to your family on the anniversary of that terrible day. Rest in peace brother.

Love the Dressler Family.

Cpl. Dressler
Forks Twsp Police

March 25, 2006

Thinking of you and your kids today Carin...I hope you can feel the love that is felt for you everywhere...Know that Jesse is there holding you today as he is everyday....Love, Chrissy

Chrissy Henley, wife
PTLM William "Drew" Henley, EOW 3/19/05

March 25, 2006

Oh Jes, where do I even begin......

I think the first thing I want to say to you is that I am so sorry. I am sorry for the fact that you only had 36 years on this earth. I am sorry that you won't be here to see your children grow up. I am sorry that you can't be here with me, enjoying this beautiful home that we worked so hard to build. I am sorry that you won't grow to be an old man, hanging out with your buddies sharing stories about when you were young. I'm so very sorry, Jes.

There are so many things that you have missed already, and when I think of all the things in the future that you won't be here for, my heart just breaks a million times over. You should be here for the kid's - for their dance recitals and sporting events and graduations. You should be coaching their teams, and sitting in the bleachers cheering them on. You should walk Savannah down the aisle some day when she's found someone as special as her daddy to spend her life with. You should be teaching Jacob how to be a man - a good man, like you. All of these things were taken from you and I am so sorry.

Everyone tells me that I've shown strength and courage over the past year.....but I sometimes feel like all I've done is cry. I miss you so much, Jes. I want to believe that you are watching over me and the kids, that you are with us all the time and are guiding and protecting us as we continue on without you. I need to believe that you are.

People say that the first year is the hardest, I really hope that is true. I pray that this new year brings us hope and new beginnings. I pray that the waves of darkness and despair begin to recede, and that the light at the end of this very long tunnel begins to get brighter and closer. I pray that the pain in my heart begins to soften. I pray that my thoughts and memories of you begin to bring me more joy than sadness. I pray that the kids can grow up knowing that their daddy loved them more than anything else in this world - and that you will always be a part of who they are.

You will always be a part of who I am, too. You will always be in my heart and part of my soul, and I will wait for the day when I can see you again and hold you in my arms and laugh with you. Do you remember that song by Collin Raye? We both loved the lyrics so much.......

If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darlin' wait and see
So between now and then
'Til I see you again
I'll be loving you....
Love, me

I won't let you down, Jesse. I promise you that. I will raise Savannah and Jacob in your memory and will be the best mother to them that I can. I will work to ensure that the carelessness and negligence that took your life never happens again. And I will make sure there is accountability for your death. I will make you as proud of me as I am of you, Jesse.

I love you. I've loved you from the moment I saw you walk through the door that day. Remember how I followed you around for almost an hour - then finally got up the nerve to ask you if you needed a ladder (and your wise-ass answer). I loved you before I even met you - I loved the thought of you, the promise of you......of someone who would love me as much as you did and look at me the way you did and treat me the way you did. After 14 years you never changed. I was lucky to have you, even if for only a short while. I don't want to spend my life alone, Jes - I want to have all of that again and I know that is what you would want for me, too.

Mom found a little sign yesterday (you know me and my signs) it says "God makes happy endings. So if it's not happy, it's not the end." I know this isn't the end for me, that it is the start of a new beginning. But I want you to know that you are part of who I am and I will carry you with me throughout my life and beyond. Always and forever. Always and forever.........

I love you. We love you.
Carin, Savannah and Jacob

March 25, 2006

Jesse, I miss you! I still laugh when I think about that day that you and Shinday were shooting a deer on Bushkill Drive in Forks Township. Shinday had traffic stopped and you were shooting the deer with your AR-15!! I know that a lot of the guys came and spent some time with you this past year(Drank a bunch of beers together too!) That will continue, I promise!

Cpl. Shawn Hummer
Forks Township Police Department

March 25, 2006

Holding you and your memory in our hearts today and always.

Love,
Linda Rittenhouse
Matt's Mom, Forever and Always
E.O.W.9/16/04

March 25, 2006