Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Carin,

Your reflections are so touching. The reflections you share of Jesse, your expressions of love for your children and husband, and your amazing survival over the past 2 years have been such an incredible inspiration to me. Your loss is unimaginable to me, as unimaginable as it was to you on March 24, 2005. I have been drawn back to this site to leave reflections, and to let you know that we have not forgotten the ultimate sacrifice that Jesse made. I have read all of Jesse's reflections over the past (almost) 2 years, and yours are both joyous and so so painful to read. You have created such a powerful tribute to him through your words, and I admire you on so many levels. You remind me every time I come on here not to take a single moment for granted. If there were a way I could comfort you, or take some of your pain...I would. But, this is all I can do...is to let you know you are not forgotten. You are in my thoughts, my prayers, and my heart. God bless you and the kids.

Donna Sacco, BethlehemPD wife

January 16, 2007

Hey Jesse-
Your infectious personality is greatly missed by so many people that it simply is amazing at what a great impact your life had to all of us. It has been almost two years since you passed away and there are so many of us who feel like it was just yesterday and still feel the pain rip through our hearts all over again. The thing I remember most about you was how you always lit up with that big grin when we would enter the room and you would say "hello beautiful". You knew how to make everyone feel comfortable and smile.
I can tell you who is truly beautiful inside and out... that would be your wife, Carin. I am pretty sure you are looking down with such a sense of pride in her. She is such a thoughtful caring person. She is really doing a phenomenal job with Savannah and Jacob. It's a new year now and I pray and hope that with continued support from friends that Carin and the kids can have a really great year as best as they can.

Carin-
I wish you a Happy New Year. One filled with happy new memories with the kids and continued loving memories of the old memories with Jesse. It was great seeing you and the kids at the FOP Santa Party. I can't thank you enough for your thoughtful, heartfelt gift in memory of our son, Colton. The candle sits on our coffee table and I sit and stare at it every night when I think of him and how much I wish he was here to share in our family events. It is so hard to do the family events when your family will always feel incomplete without them here where we wanted them to be. Jesse and Colton shower us with their love by shining down on us through the light of the shining stars in Heaven that they are. You truly are a shining star through all of this... don't forget that.
God bless you, Savannah, and Jacob.
Love, Wendy M.

Wendy M.

January 15, 2007

Hey Jes,

I took the kids roller skating today. Savannah went to a skating party a few weeks ago and now that is her new thing - she wants to skate all the time - she's actually getting pretty good and is already talking about when she will be ready for in-lines. She really just amazes me, the way she jumps right into things (wonder who she gets that from?!?). She even participated in one of the races; most of the kids were much older and much more experienced skaters, but she held her own and came in next to last. She was so happy that she didn't lose, then without me telling her to she went over to the little girl (she was younger) who came in last and told her what a good job she did. Then she skated with that little girl the rest of the afternoon, holding her hand so she didn't fall. I'm so proud of her.

Jacob tried skating, too. It was the first time he ever did and I have to say - he also did pretty good! He was actually a better sport about it than Savannah was the first time, she got really mad every time she fell and thought I was laughing at her but Jacob thought the whole thing was just "dunny". I was afraid he was going to hurt himself falling so much - he's so skinny, he doesn't have much to cushion his fall!!!

After we were done skating, the kids wanted to go to Friday's for dinner. We still love to eat out, but it always makes me sad to go to restaurants with them - the hostess always assumes we are a party of 4 waiting for dad to park the car - I'm tired of saying we are "just 3". But the kids made you proud tonight, Jes, they both had ribs and they cleaned the bones just like you taught them - they had barbeque sauce from ear to ear and nose to chin. Not a speck of meat left. The waiter said he never saw kids eat ribs like that. Then they had a cup of dirt, which was the whole reason they chose Friday's.......

I missed you today. I missed having you there with us. I missed talking to you, and laughing with you. I missed watching you skate with the kids. I missed waiting for you while you parked the car.

Life is not the same without you here. It's lonely and sad and very unfair. For me and the kids. I want things to get better soon because I'm tired of feeling this way.

I love you, Jes. And I miss you.
Thanks for the dreams.
Always and forever......
~ Carin

January 15, 2007

We offer our heartfelt sympathy to the family, friends and colleagues of Officer Sollman. We honor his distinguished service to the cause of justice and peace. Sadly, our nation has lost one of its finest citizens, a community has lost a friend and protector, and a family has lost an example of character and courage who they will love and respect forever. We rarely know it when a hero walks among us. Today, because of the sacrifice Officer Sollman has made, the house of freedom is stronger, sturdier, and more secure.

To the family of Officer Sollman, I want to say that a lot of people pray for you, and my hope is that their prayers will give you the strength necessary to move on. Just as you were always with him when he walked the beat or patrolled the streets, know that he will always be with you - wherever you may be. In the days to follow, may you be strengthened by the fact that Officer Sollman is a man distinguished by exceptional courage and will always be admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities. You, your family and your sacrifice will never be forgotten.

SA Thomas Doyle
FBI New York

January 14, 2007

I was driving on 145 the other day and saw a car with a window decal that said "In Memory of Jesse Sollman" and I felt I had to come here to leave a reflection.
I recently found the ODMP website when 2 officers were killed in the line of duty in Colorado Springs last year(where I recently moved from). Even though I have not had a loved one taken in the line of duty, I feel such sadness for families who must go through this.
I am thinking of your family and will not forget seeing that decal in the window, knowing that Officer Sollman will never be forgotten. He will be be respected for the job he did, for being brave enough to wear that badge for us everyday citizens and for continuing to be such an influence to the average person, as well as to his loved ones.

K Wanninger
Breinigsville, PA

January 13, 2007

Its been a while Jesse since I have left you a message but yesterday was such a warm and nice day that I was at my parents thinking how you would have fired up the grill because it was so warm out. Maybe a couple of pieces of chicken and a few sausages on there. :) Your wife is something else she has been such a strong person to everyone who has lost someone. I'm thinking she should start her own web site to help others in times of loss. I have not seen the kids in a while but I hear there doing fine. I did not forget Carin's birthday I left her a message. It brought a tear to my eye to hear her write about finn and his death I really think he was saying something when he passed. I hope you can show me some guidance from up above I could use it right now. If you could please give Lenny a big hug up there from me as he is missed very much. I'm sure you two New Yorkers are getting a long fine. Carin if there is anything you need you still know i'm here for you and the kids. Just send a text if you need anything.

January 7, 2007

Happy New Year Carin and Jesse!!!!!!!! Jesse be with Carin
and the kids as they start another year without you here in physical form.

December 31, 2006

Hey Jes ~

Well, it's New Years Eve. I can't believe tomorrow will be 2007 and - as always - I can't believe you aren't here with us. We were never big on going out or celebrating (we were usually asleep - or working - at midnight!), it's just so sad to think it's the beginning of another year full of things you won't be here for. Soccer and softball games (Jacob is old enough to play this year), taking the kids to the beach (nobody builds a sandcastle like you and Brian), watching the kids swim in the pool, Jacob starting kindergarten.........the list is endless. Chrissy put it best when she said that the "firsts" never end, they will keep coming forever and with every one our hearts will break all over again.

I talked to Rosalie about why taking the grave blanket over was so hard on the kids and she said that it's because now that they've gotten a little bit older, the permanency of you being gone has really sunk in for them. Especially for Jacob - he was so little when you died he didn't really understand that you were never coming back, ever. But now he does. And so does Savannah. What does that - knowing that your daddy is gone forever - do to a little kid? I know the pain in my heart and I can't imagine what their's must be.

We miss you, Jesse. I'm trying so hard to do a good job, to make life as normal and good for the kids as possible.
And for myself, too. I hope I've made the right decisions. It's hard to know when you are in the middle of all of this what is the right thing to do so a lot of the time you just follow your instincts and hopefully the choices you've made are the right ones.

I love the lyrics to that Lonestar song "Mountains" - I've been around and I've noticed that/Walkins easy when the road is flat/Those danged ol' hills will get you every time/Yeah the good Lord gave us mountains, so we could learn how to climb.....This world ain't fair/It can knock you on your butt/You can just lie there - or you can get back up.....

I'm choosing to get back up, Jes. I liked our life the way it was, it wasn't always easy but it was predictable and simple and nice - it was a good life. But you always said I was tough and if climbing mountains is what I have to do - I will do it.

Well, it's getting pretty late so I'm going to go to bed. The kids will be up at precicely 0700, looking for tea and toast (a very bad habit I started after you died). We are going to mom and dad's for dinner - it goes without saying that you will be missed every minute, by every one. Especially me.

Happy New Year, Jes. We love you very much.
Always and forever ~
Carin

December 31, 2006

I don't have the words to describe how i feel inside when i think about Jake and Savannah growing up without you. Life is so unfair, especially for your family near the holidays. I often pray for the heart ache and pain to dissipate.... its the only thing that i can do. Its just so unfair.

J. Dressler
Forks P.D.

December 31, 2006

Carin,
Hey, Thanks for the little note, The little notes do make things seem better. At least I know I'm not by myself out here.
Christmas really sucked this year, The boys and I went to Daytona Beach, Florida to be with my Family. I thought that might make things better, but it sucked. My camera wouldn't work, but I really didn't want pictures any way. And I love my pictures. I guess I just didn't want any without Dale. I left any the middle of everyone opening presents and just went for a drive by myself. I ask myself all day .. WHY ME !It just seems like life really sucks. The boys and I made it back home Wednesday . I'm trying to put everything away that the boys got for christmas and just trying to clean my house. Take care of yourself and the kids and I'll write again soon.
Love Connie Holcomb

December 29, 2006

Hey Jess...some days we are just "Broken"....I heard that song yesterday, and it hit home hard....we are broken...broken with out you guys here...Carin is strong...stonger than she lets on to you...she just needs you more than she can bear...just like I need Drew...we know in our heads that we must go on each day...continue to help our children grow...but we are broken inside..our hearts are in a millon little pieces...and there is no one here to pick up the pieces and put it back together...in time we will find the ties, the tape, the staples to put our hearts back together, but forever and ever the cracks will be there...and sometimes the tape will break or the staple will let go...and another piece of our heart will fall back out...but we will find the way to mend it and go on....just remember, when the pieces fall out, we need your strength to help us..you and Drew....we need you to lift us up...hold our heads up for us...just be there to give us the strength we need at that moment...Don't worry...we will make it..Carin will make it..she is such an inspriation to so many people....I for one am grateful that she is in my life, I have you to thank for that...and Drew....losing both of you has given me a new sister for life....and we will forever be connected....in your memory...we love you!!!!....Chrissy, Alex & CJ

December 28, 2006

Hi Carin,
Well I survived midnight mass, it was emotionally hard, it was very long, but like I said... I'll save you a seat in heaven. (wink wink)

Well we made it thru Christmas, I'm sure like I did...you had a sinking feeling that you just might not make it thru the day. But we did, the kids were spoiled as they should be and it simply sucked that our guys were not here.
But know this....Jesse is so proud of you that you made it special for his little man and his beautiful little girl. YOU did it and where would they be without you, there mom. I know the single mom thing truly is awlful. I never knew how single moms did it when they chose that path let alone when they don't. But you are doing it. There are days when I want to run screaming from the house, start using duct tape or finally put Dave's handcuff's to good use(for at least a little while!), but then you look at them and see your husband in small ways and you know they have your heart forever and you need them as much as they need you.
Hang in there thru the holidays Carin and every day and just know that I along with many others are thinking of you and are sending strength and sending prayers.
Take care and I'll talk to you soon,
Jessica

Widow of Officer David Petzold, EOW 11-9-06

December 26, 2006

Jes ~

I wanted to come back on and leave another reflection for you today. I was feeling very cynical and sorry for myself last night and I think it showed in my reflection - but I'm feeling better today and wanted to leave a few more words.

Christmas isn't the same without you here (nothing is the same without you here) but I don't want you worrying about us because we are doing alright. This morning was hard, I really wished you were here to share in the kid's excitement, but we got through it. Everything we do is so sad without you, we feel your absence all the time, but we get through it and find a way to have some happiness.

And I want to make sure you know how much I love being a mother to our kids. I just hate that I have to do it by myself. I hate that you aren't here to share everything with me, to help me. You know I always teased you that you were my third child and that I wished I had another adult in the house to help with discipline, but you had your own way with the kids and I really miss that. I don't hate raising them, Jes - I just hate doing it alone.

The kids have been playing with their new toys all day - Jacob's favorites are the Star Wars stuff and Savannah's favorite is her Ipet (a computerized dog she named Sarge). We are heading over to mom and dad's in a bit for dinner - everyone will miss you and wish you were there.

Anyway, I just wanted to stop back in and say Merry Christmas again. I hope you are having a wonderful holiday with your new friends - give Drew a hug for Chrissy and Dave a hug for Jess. And give Colton a kiss.

21 months today. We have missed you every minute.

We Love you. Always and forever.
~ Carin

December 25, 2006

Carin, Savannah & Jacob....Merry Christmas to you all...I hope that Santa has brought you Hope, Joy and Peace this year...and a few toys too!!! We love you and are thinking of you today and always...give your mom and extra hug from us today!! love always, Chrissy, Alex & CJ
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

December 25, 2006

Jesse, I just wanted to tell you Merry Christmas. I look at reflections everyday and it never fails that I see one that Carin has left for someone. She seems like such a strong and caring lady, I think your kids are very lucky to have her.

You probably think I am crazy for leaving this reflection because I have never met you or any of your family, but I felt like I needed to leave a Christmas Card on here because I am on here reading your reflections all the time.

Sorry Carin, I dont mean to intrude, but I have to tell you have done more than inspire me, you have probably restored my faith in relationships. I didnt think that love could be as strong as your's and Jesse's. Thank you so much for all the reflections that you leave on the different sites. I cry everytime I see your name because I know that you are crying when you send some of them. Thank you so much.

Merry Christmas Jesse enjoy your time on the golden highway.

Heather
Ohio State Highway Patrol

December 25, 2006

Carin,

Thank you for your thoughts. Each day is difficult but it's almost unbearable during Christmas. My thoughts are with you and your family during Christmas and always.

Jo Ann Lasater
Wife of Larry Lasater EOW 4/24/05

December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas, Jes.

I really can't believe we are celebrating another holiday without you - another Christmas, then another New Year........it just goes on and on.

The kids went downstairs today and saw the air hockey table I got them. I hadn't finished putting it together, it was supposed to be a surprise. I didn't think they would go down there but of course they did - I'll finish putting it together later. I almost don't care that they found it because nothing I can get them makes up for the fact that you aren't here - what they really want for Christmas is their dad and I can't give that to them so what difference does any of it make.

I went to the FOP Christmas party yesterday. I think my being there made a lot of people uncomfortable, but the kids had such a good time so that is all that really matters. Savannah thought Santa Clause looked a lot like Uncle Charlie - she is really your daughter.

We miss you, Jes. All the time. We wish you were here.

I just dread tomorrow morning, having to get up and do the whole Christmas morning thing by myself. It's the second one so you would think it would be easier, but it really isn't.

You should be here with us, opening presents and having coffee and just being a family. We just aren't a family without you - we try, but we just aren't. The whole single mom thing really sucks and I don't mean to be a complainer but I just hate it. I hate it so much I just want to scream.

But screaming won't bring you back. Nothing will bring you back - not whining or complaining or stomping my feet......nothing. I'm stuck with this shitty job of being a single parent and I never wanted to do this and I'm just so angry.

I'm angry at so many people and for so many reasons, I sometimes think I'm going to lose my mind.

But I can't lose my mind, can I. I have to keep everything together for the kids. Thank God I have them - they keep me going.....

Well, it's getting late and I'm pretty sure I hear reindeer hooves on the roof, so I'd better go help Santa put the presents under the tree. It's going to be a Barbie, Littlest Pet Shop, Star Wars, GI Joe kind of holiday. Big piles of presents, just like you wanted. We just wish you were here to help open everything.

We love you, Jes. Every minute of every day, we think of you and wish you were here. Merry Christmas, Jes.

Always and forever. Always and forever. Always and forever.........

~ Carin

December 24, 2006

Dear Jesse,
Its another Christmas again without you here. You should be here eating your turkey dinner, opening your gifts, and holding your children.

We miss you so much. You were such a good son-in-law. We see you though, when we look in Savannah's eyes. She has your smile, your zest for life. Jacob misses you too. We talk about you to them all of the time. You will always be in all of our hearts.

You have the love of all your family today and every day.

Merry Christmas Jesse.

Love
Mom & Dad

Charles & Carol Hentz
Son-In-Law

December 24, 2006

Merry Christmas Jes. I stopped by to see you and left you some pointsettas and greens. Sorry I couldn't stay longer but I had to make the rounds... Carin and the kids came to the Christmas Party. It was so nice to see them there even though she felt uncomfortable about it. She is doing a great job with the kids buddy and you should be very proud of her. Keep your head up, we'll all be together soon. Give Colton a hug and a kiss for me. I miss you pal...

Officer Dominick Marraccini
Easton Police Department, Easton PA

December 24, 2006

Carin,
Thinking of you and the children...may you have a Blessed Christmas and a New Year filled with health and happiness.

BPD WIFE

December 24, 2006

At this time of year we remember the birth of our Saviour and yet mourn the loss of this saviour. Our Saviour made the ultimate sacrifice and this saviour, in training to serve and protect as a Romans 13:4 officer, made the ultimate sacrifice. Our Saviour lives and this saviour, too, shall live again. Rest In Peace.

D. Paul, Special Agent
FBI

December 22, 2006

Hi Carin
Thank you so much for thinking of me and leaving me a message. Only a few more days til Christmas and I have yet to wrap any presents, but I will get it done. I will some how make it through, you know, for the kids. I have found shopping really helps, the kids are going to have a great Christmas this year! The 1st anniversary of my husbands death is Jan. 7th, so I'm also planning something for that.
You know how it is, so unbelievble hard to believe they are gone. Again, thank you for your thoughts and kind words.
Merry Christmas
Diana May Santa Maria, Ca.
Wife of Rich May
EOW 1/07/06
East Palo Alto Ca.

December 20, 2006

Carin,
I read the reflections you wrote to Diana May. Wonderful kind words. I was lucky enough to be given her email address by COPS, so have written to her. It is good that we have each other for support or to just lend an ear.
Please know that I wish you and your children well during this holiday season.

Love to you
Richie Grant
Dave Grant/EOW/5/31/04
Tuolumne Co. Sheriff's Dept.
Sonora, Ca.

December 19, 2006

I wanted to take a moment again to say thank you to everyone who comes to this site to check in on me and the kids and to wish everyone a warm and blessed holiday season. ~ Carin

December 18, 2006

Hey Jes,

I went Christmas shopping today - you'd be so happy to see everything I got for the kids. There will definetly be big piles of presents under the tree, just how you liked it. You really loved Christmas.

We miss you, Jes. We took your grave blanket over the other day and it really upset the kids. Usually they are fine coming to visit you I'm not sure why this time was so rough but it was, on both of them.

You will be gone 21 months on Christmas day. It's going to be 2 years before we know it - I just can't believe you've been gone so long. I still sometimes feel like you were just here.

Happy holidays, Jes. I hope you have a warm and blessed Christmas with all your new friends. We all miss you and wish you were here.

Give Colton a kiss for Nick.

Always and forever
~ Carin

December 13, 2006