Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Happy Father's Day Jesse. I hope that you and Dave are hanging out together on this day when all of us miss you both so much.

Hi Carin,
I know today was rotten, it sucked for me, so I'm sure it was just as bad for you. The kids made it thru, but it was rough. They miss there dad sooo much. Hang in there you and if you ever need anything remember to call. I'm here for you, just like you've been there for me.
Let me know about spouses weekend...there has got to be someone that would love to take care of your beautiful children so you can go cry, kick and scream and maybe mend a little..for a few days. I hope you can go.
Either way hang in there and we'll get together again soon! This time, my place. Take care of yourself.
LUMI,
Jess

Widow of David Petzold EOW 11-9006

June 18, 2007

Happy Father's Day, Jes. We miss you so very much and wish you were still here. Every day is difficult without you, but today was just impossible.

We will always love you, Jes.
Always and forever.
Carin, Savannah and Jacob

June 17, 2007

Just to let you know that on this Father's Day and every day, PA citizens are thinking of you and how brave your family is to make it through another day, another holiday. You have left lasting legacies through your children.

Breinigsville, PA citizen

June 17, 2007

Happy Father's Day Jes... I wish I could tell you that in person and that things didn't have the be the way they are but it can't be that way. Realize this pal... I love you and Carin, regardless of what the outcome of that pension thing was. I really had no choice in the matter and it breaks my heart to think about it. I would never betray you and you know that. Give Colton a big hug and kiss for me since I can't give them to either of you... Keep him safe for me Jes until we all meet again. I love you pal...

Officer Dominick Marraccini
Easton Police Department, Easton, PA

June 17, 2007

Happy Father's Day Jesse,
I know it will be a rough day for those that love you to get through, but then most days are. Keep watch over your children, let them feel your presence around them. I will have a candle burning for you, Michael and another Officer named Jeff that also has a special place with us. I hope my son Michael has you rolling with laughter with his stories and he sure could spin a yarn, even as a child. Keep a special watch over Carin and help her through today and every day. I know you are proud of her and the way she is handling everything. You have not been forgotten.

Bob Gordon
Father of Michael P. Gordon, EOW: 8/8/04

June 17, 2007

Jesse...Happy Father's Day...today is the one holiday that I think we really could do without....it's the reminder that your children will never again see their Dad...be able to give him a special card...have him hold them in his safe arms...but you are with them today....smile down on them Jess...make them feel the strength of your strong arms...make them feel safe....they need you now and always...they are proud of their Dad!!!

Carin....Keep pushing on sister....you will endure...you will climb this mountain...Jesse is right there with you all the way....if you close your eyes, I know you can feel him holding you....he is there for Savannah and Jacob too...His love with be with all of you ....forever...

I'm sending you my hugs XOXOXOXOXOXO I hope you find a peaceful moment today....that is when you will know Jesse is there with you....much love, Chrissy

June 17, 2007

Carin,
you don't know me, will never know me but I come here to Jesses' page to see how you are doing.I read your reflections and my heart bleeds for you.As someones else has already said..it does get better..it never goes away but it does get less all consuming.Know that you are held in so many hearts and prayers.WE are all angels with only one wing and the only way we can fly is by embracing each other.G-d bless and keep you, May He shine His Face apon you, may He be gracious unto you.

KJC

June 15, 2007

One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Across the dark sky flashed scenes from his life
For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
one belonging to him and the other to the Lord

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the
very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.

"Lord, you said that once I decided to followed you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life there is
only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The Lord replied "My precious, precious child,
I love you and would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints in the sand,
it was then that I carried you."

"Author Unknown"

June 10, 2007

Jes ~

Jacob has been having night terrors again, I think this was his fifth this week. I thought maybe he was worried about starting kindergarten because I've been making such a big deal about it - I couldn't think of anything else that would be bothering him. It started out tonight just like the other ones and it was bad - it lasted at least 10 minutes. I just kept holding him saying that everything was O.K. and that he was alright and just as he was calming down, he called out for you - "I want dad".

Your son needed you tonight and you weren't here. All three of us need you, all the time, and you aren't here.

I don't even know what to say anymore when the kids cry for you. There isn't anything I can say to make it better or take the pain away. Their daddy is gone and I can say "it's alright" a million times but they know it really isn't. Nothing is alright, nothing is O.K. and we aren't fine.

This is all so incredibly wrong and unfair. I am so angry.

We miss you, Jes.
Always and forever.
~ Carin

June 9, 2007

Carin,
I read your reflections when I can & I can totally relate to everything you say. I was also very young when I lost my father, he died of a terminal illness. I was so devasted losing him as young as I did. He never got to see me grow up, graduate from H.S or college, never met any of my boyfriends, some he would have been extremely unhappy about, never saw me get engaged, get married, dance daddy's little girl with me & most importantly never met his grandson. I know the saddness you feel for your children. And I know you yourself are also feeling extreme sadness. But this is what God has choosen for Jesse & my father & all the people that we have lost along the way. I remember being at a friends wedding & when daddy's little girl came on I literally ran out of the reception & cried my eyes out in the bathroom. I always felt so cheated out of not having my father with me here. My mom's life changed so much also when he died. They were true soulmates. And to see my mom so unhappy broke my heart. Carin I know you probably don't believe me or anyone else that tells you this, but I promise it will get better. You will never ever forget, but in time, it will be bearable. As for your children, just try to always keep Jesse a part of their lives, no matter where you life leads you. Life is unfair, I agree with you on that, but somehow, someway we get through. And someday you will be happy again. May be not as happy as you were with Jesse, but it will happen. Just always know he is there with you. I believe my father is here with me always, maybe not in the way I would have wished for, but he is watching & probably saying what are you doing? lol. But I do feel I have made him proud & I know I will see him again. And you will too. My thoughts are with you & your beautiful children. They are stronger than you think. And when they need to grieve it's ok & it's also ok for you to grieve too. But when you feel happiness, be happy, you deserve too have a good rest of your life. Be patient with yourself Carin, your doing great. And there will be days you feel like crap, I still do & my father died long ago. God Bless you & your family

Concerned resident

June 8, 2007

Carin~

I had to come on here and tell you how thrilled I am that we have connected. You are just the strongest woman I know. You are every bit the wonderful person I have alway thought you were just from reading ODMP. You give so much of youself to help your "sisters in suffering". I am proud to be the newest member and I look forward to healing with you and all of the other woman that I may meet through you.

Like you said..............alone it is so hard but together we are so strong. I also know, I just know, that your Jesse is watching down on all of us from his Kingdom in Heaven. I hope his spirit touches David's heart and helps release David from the agony he feels at not being able to "protect and serve".

Jesse~ Carin and her sisters which now include myself, will MAKE SURE you are honored and remembered as you should be. Keep her strong. Keep us strong.

A special thanks to the wonderful man from ODMP that emailed me and connected Carin and I.

With love and respect
From
the other chrissy......

ps~ a special HELLO to the original Chrissy
May the Lord Bless you and Keep you
and a special Thank YOU to Drew for his
service and sacrifice!

chrissy gilbert
wife of disabled Officer Gilbert

June 2, 2007

Carin...my friend...my sister...may the strength in your heart lift you through each day...and if ever you feel you don't have the strength to carry on, may the strength you give to others find it's way back to you to help you through...and always...always...may you feel Jesse's hand in yours helping you along...I'm with you my friend...today and always...much love, Chrissy

May 29, 2007

Happy Memorial Day to Officer Sollman, Carin and children
Just stopping in to show support after reading the news on mcall
I have had many people turn their backs on me in the fight for what is right for my Husband too Carin
I never cared and never will
And many people hate me for it
I will fight until my Husband has justice
I know you will do the same
Good Luck
My thoughts are always with you

These are the words I live by knowing one day my family will have justice
I hope they help

When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible but in the end, they always fall -- ALWAYS.

-Mahatma Gandhi

Chrissy Gilbert
Wife of disabled Officer Gilbert (Whitehall PD)

May 28, 2007

Happy Memorial Day, Jes. Thank you for serving your country with honor and pride, both as a Marine and as a Police Officer. Thank you also for being such an honorable man, for having such integrity and character - I am so proud to have been your wife and I hope I can convey to the kids what a great man you were.

Jacob drew a picture in preschool on Friday and told Miss Rose that it was for his daddy up in Heaven. He then proceeded to tell all the kids the story of how his daddy was a very brave soldier and police officer but that he was shot and killed, he had everyone in the class (including the teachers) crying. I wish so much that you were still here to see his picture - it's red, white and blue balloons for Memorial Day. He graduates from preschool next week and will start kindergarten in the fall. It's hard for me to believe that our little baby will be getting on the school bus - it's going to be a very tough day for me the first time he leaves for school and you aren't here to share it with me. So many milestones you are missing....

Savannah is doing really great with softball. Her coaches want her to pitch - they said she's got a great arm (the coach last year said it, too) so I'm supposed to be practicing with her (another thing you should be here for). They tested her for the gifted program at school - every teacher she has had so far has told me how bright she is - I know that would have made you so happy.

I tell both the kids all the time how proud you are of them, that you are looking down from Heaven and watching everything they do and that they need to keep working hard for you. But you should be here, Jes, telling them yourself how proud you are. My heart just aches for them that they don't have you with them anymore.

I am so exhausted after this week. I worked really hard to get the yard cleaned up - hours and hours of blowing leaves and pulling weeds - we loved this wooded lot but it is so much work getting it ready for summer. It looks great now, though, you'd be so happy with how everything turned out. Some days I wonder if I should stay in this house or if I should move away somewhere, it's so hard sometimes to be here alone in the house we built together. But I've followed through with all our plans, the house is so pretty I know you'd love it. I just wish you were here to help me and to enjoy it with us.

I am also mentally exhausted after this week - I'm sure you know why - and feel that your memory has been betrayed and dishonored. You would think that after all that has happened over the past 2 years that nothing could surprise me, but I am honestly amazed at the inability of people to just do the right thing. I promise you, Jes, there will be accountability for what happened to you - so many people have turned their heads, made excuses, ignored the truth and hid from responsibility. I don't care how long it takes, what I have to go through or how difficult they make it for me - your death will be answered for.

I owe that to you. And I owe it to your children.

Semper Fi, Jes.
Always and Forever
~ Carin

May 27, 2007

Wishing you a Happy Memorial Day and want to thank you for the service to our Country and also to law enforcement. Continue to watch over your loved ones as this new life they have now is one that none of us really want but were dealt what we believe to be a raw deal. Keep watch over them and protect them, show them the right path to take in life. You have not been forgotten.

Bob Gordon
Father of Michael P. Gordon, EOW: 8/8/04

May 27, 2007

Jes ~

I heard this song today and it made me think of Savannah so (once I stopped crying) I had to put the lyrics here for you. It's called "Little Red Balloon" by Kristina Cornell.

Her mama took her shopping, said "anything you please."
They got dolls with pretty dresses, how 'bout one of these?"
She said "All I want is a little red balloon,
and a box of magic markers, the permanent kind
all the colors of the rainbow, that's what I had in mind.
And a little ball of string, then we can go home".

She was sittin on the window sill, looking at the sky
she said a little prayer and let it fly.

I miss you dad, how are things in Heaven?
I wish you could have been here for my birthday,
you know I just turned seven.
I'm sending you this message, I hope you get it soon
I wrote it in big letters on my little red balloon.

Four years ago last Sunday, the angels came to call.
The family gathered in the kitchen,
she sat crying in the hall
holdin on tight to her favorite teddy bear.
He loved to tell her stories, he'd sit her on his knee.
He taught her how to ride her bike when she was barely three.
Now she only gets to see him.....in her dreams,
now she talks to him as if he's there from the window of her room.
Says "daddy when you comin home...did you get my last balloon?"

I miss you dad, how are things in Heaven?
I wish you could have been here for my birthday,
I just turned eleven.
I wonder if you've ever met the man in the moon,
is he the one who asks you 'bout my little red balloons?

Now that little girl is all grown up,
but she still finds time to keep in touch.
I miss you dad, how are things in Heaven?
I'm getting married next July,
I wish you could have met him.
What I'd give to have you here to see my dreams come true.
I guess I'll just keep sending you these little red balloons.

I miss you, dad.
I miss you, dad.

We miss you, Jes. Your death has left a void in our souls and our lives that only gets deeper with time. We love you. Always and forever. ~ Carin

May 24, 2007

I miss you, Jes. I really, really miss you.

I don't know what to do, and I wish you would guide me.

I am so lonely. And so sad. Life is so hard without you here.

I love you. Always and forever.
~ Carin

May 22, 2007

Dearest Carin,

I stood by Jesse's name this week at the wall in Washington. I thought of him and you and your precious children. Please know that we don't forget and we hold your pain and loss in our hearts with ours.

Linda Rittenhouse
Matt's Mom

May 19, 2007

carin, i read this site at least once a week, i read what you wrote i ache for you! i have family that were policemen also in easton, i was so scared that day for everyone! i pray for you and your beautiful kids! to read how jesse was a great man breaks my heart for him to go home so early, i wish there was something i can do to ease the pain you all feel, if you would ever need to talk not knowing who i am i am here! a neice of a retired easton police officer god bless you and your children, jesse is always there with you in your heart!

May 18, 2007

No Michael, you will never be too big to give your Uncle Jesse a hug. He loved you so much, more than you will ever know. And he would be so very proud of the man you have become - you keep on doing what you are doing.

If you really want to make Uncle Jesse proud, here is what you do.....

You enjoy every minute. You live, Michael, you live and you laugh and you love. You work hard, as hard as you can and when you are done working, you have a nice cold beer. You watch a good movie. You spend some time with friends. You walk barefoot on a beach. You enjoy some good food and some good music and some good company. You take every single moment that is given to you and you savor it. That is what your Uncle Jesse did, and that is what he would want you to do.

You are on the right track, Michael, just keep focused and you will be fine. It's so scary to be your age - to see your whole life in front of you and wonder what in the world you are going to do. But Jesse is with you all the time, he will look out for you and protect you and guide you if you just ask him to. Not everyone gets such a special guardian angel.

We love you.

Aunt Carin

May 16, 2007

uncle jesse,
its been a while since i could write to u. ive been real busy with all this air force stuff. but im doin good, movin forward each day with my career and my life. the other day we had a formation for a fallen special forces guy who was killed in afganastan. i wish i coulda went to it, so i could pay my respects. but i dont think i could see that type of thing again tho. i want you to know that i love you and you keep my motivation strong to keep goin and being a good guy like you were. and thank you cuz sometimes i say to myself i dont know if i can do that and i know your sittin up there lookin down say come on you got this. i wish it wasnt like this though.. i wish that day never had to come, i wish i could just pick up the phone and say yo, or when im back home i could visit. but it didnt turn out that way. god had a greater plan for you... i love you and ill keep puttin these in sky ..for you uncle jesse. every plane i launch, every salute i drop, every step i take, i know your there with me. even tho ive been liftin and gettin really big ur still my uncle jesse and im not nor will ever be to big to give you a hug

A1C holzheimer

May 15, 2007

Wanted to stop at your page and leave a reflection to let you know that I will have a candle burning for my son Michael, you and a number of other officers that I have come to know through these pages. Such a terrible way to have to meet such wonderful people. I know the feeling that your wife and children feel. I too have to go to those baseball games with my grandsons and constantly look around and see the fathers cheering on their sons or the days that his sons ask me why their father was taken from them and I have no answer for that. The only thing any of us can do is to take one day at a time and keep your memory alive for as long as we can. Continue to keep watch over your loved ones, come to them in their dreams in vivid color and speak to them to let them know you are near them and watching over them. You are a true hero Jesse and will never be forgotten by those that love you.

Bob Gordon
Father of Michael P. Gordon, EOW: 8/8/04

May 14, 2007

Hey Jes ~

I was outside pulling weeds this afternoon and Savannah came out and said "I hate Father's Day". I asked her why she would say that - that it isn't Father's Day - and she said "I know, but tomorrow is Mother's Day which means next comes Father's Day and I hate it because daddy isn't here". I started to say "it's O.K......" but before I could say anything more she said "no, it isn't O.K. Daddy isn't here and he should be and it isn't fair. I hate Father's Day".

I hate Father's Day, too. And I hate "Donuts with Dad" day at school. And I hate every time I have to explain to someone that no, my husband can't take care of that for me because he isn't here anymore. And I hate taking Savannah to softball and seeing all the other dads coaching their kids, knowing that you won't ever have the chance to do it. I hate that when things happen I still think "I can't wait to tell Jesse" and that sometimes I forget for a second and pick up the phone to call you. And I hate the moment I remember. I hate that Jacob was so little when you died he doesn't have many memories of you. And I hate that time passes so quickly - each day takes me further away from the life we had together and pushes me further towards a future that is uncertain and frightening.

I decided not to go to Police Week this year - I planned on going right up until I got the registration packet in the mail. But I realized that I couldn't go through all that emotion again, not right now - I'm not ready to go back to the Wall and see your name again. I really wanted to be there for Jessica and Savannah is so disappointed she won't be going to the COPS kids programs with Sarah and Samantha - but maybe next year. I ordered a purple and yellow wreath for you (the kid's favorite colors) and one for Dave and I'll burn your candle on Tuesday for both of you.

I really miss you - I miss you being here with me and the kids. I miss your companionship, your sense of humor and the sound of your laughter. I miss our friendship. I miss the person I was when you were here - your wife and the mother of your children. I'm not sure who I am anymore without you here.

I love you, Jes. Always and forever.
~ Carin

May 12, 2007

Mrs. Sollman, you dont know me but I come here often because someone we knew died in the line of duty around the same time as your husband and I started to read other officers reflections and yours would be one. I am a wife of a police officer here in Florida and I am so scared about losing my husband too, he works in a bad area and has had some brushes with some terrible people who have no regard for life, I want him to start a new career and at the same time I do not want to seem selfish, but after reading your reflections and the horrible lose you feel and the emptiness you have I do not want to go through that pain...ever. I really think your a strong women who has in her own tragic time reached out to so many others. I read other reflections and I see your name mentioned for that new survivor to contact you because you can help. Wow, you are a angel from heaven. I pray for you and your children and I will continue to pray for my husbands saftey home each night. I do realize that its not always the bad guys on the street that kill, that things can happen even where you think they can't. I am going to Washington the week of the 24th of May on our way to New York to see family, I will look for your husbands name and say a prayer. I wish you contentment and happiness.

Lori, Proud LEO Wife, Melbourne Florida

May 11, 2007

Hi Carin,
I was thinking of you today...as I do everyday and just wanted to drop you a note and also say "Hi" to Jesse. I like the new picture. Even though I didn't know him before, I feel like thru our conversations, I do know him a little. I see him thru your eyes...the adoring father, the loving husband, the funny wise guy and the honorable police officer. Him and Dave were very similar in ways. I'm approaching the 6 month mark of Dave being gone and I'm falling to pieces. I see you making it for 2 years though...and again you inspire me to keep going.

Hang in there Carin, you and Savannah and Jacob are doing great. We will have to get the kids together again soon. Take care of yourself and we'll talk again.
love,
Jess

Widow of David Petzold EOW 11-9-06

Jessica Petzold
Widow of David Petzold EOW 11-9006

May 3, 2007