Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

As a former BOP'er and current college police officer, I just want to say RIP brother, you wont be forgotten. keep us safe and save us a place up there next to you

P.O.
RUTGERS PD

November 25, 2008

Say Jesse ~

The time of concern is over. No longer am I asked how I am doing. Never is the name of my husband mentioned to me. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. A life slips from frequent recall. There are exceptions...close and comforting friends, sensitive and loving family. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent. But for me, the play will never end. The effects on me are timeless. Say Jesse to me.

On the stage of my life, he has been both lead and supporting actor. Do not tiptoe around the greatest event of my life. Love does not die. His name is written on my life. The sound of his voice replays within my mind. You feel he is dead. I feel he is of the dead and still lives. You say he was my husband, I say he is. Say Jesse to me and say Jesse again.

It hurts to bury his memory in silence. What he was in the flesh has now turned to ash. What he is in spirit, stirs within me always. He is of my past, but he is part of my present. He is my hope for the future. You say not to remind me. How little you understand I cannot forget. I WOULD NOT IF I COULD. I forgive you, because you cannot know. I strive to not judge you, for yesterday I was like you.

I do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. I walk it not by choice. I would rather walk it with him in the flesh. I am what I have to be. What I have lost you cannot feel. What I have gained you cannot see. Say Jesse, for he is alive in me.

He and I will meet again, though in many ways we have never parted. He and his life play light songs on my mind, sunrises and sunsets on my dreams. He is real and he is shadow. He was and he is.

He is my ever present hope and I love him as I always did.

Say Jesse to me and say Jesse again.

Wife of LEO Florida

November 23, 2008

Hey Jes ~

Please give me strength over the next few days and weeks. I will really need it.

I love you.
Carin

Anonymous

November 18, 2008

Thinking of you and your family this Veterans Day.

Bob Gordon
Father of Michael Gordon/CPD

November 11, 2008

Since leaving the Marines in 1991 I became very busy raising a family and later running a business. I just recently decided to look -up my old Marine friends, when I came upon this memorial site for Jesse. I spent a great deal of time with Jesse in the Marines, we were paired up together during our service in Korea, Okinawa. We later also were assigned to duty in North Carolina. Different memories come back to me when I think about that time. When I met Jesse he was a young man struggling with adapting to the demands of the Corps! It was easy to be close to Jesse because he had such a warm, open, boisterous personality, which sometimes got him in trouble. We all tried to be tough Marines, but what struck me as unusual was Jesse’s vulnerable side, in a positive way his intense emotions would sometimes get the best of him, he had a “lotta heart” and wasn’t afraid to show it. I envied him in that aspect, he wasn’t afraid to ask for help and when someone else needed a boost he would openly hug another Marine. In the Marines showing emotions can be taken as a sign of weakness, but in Jesse’s case he became stronger, he was learning to be a real human being, learning to be more than a macho marine. Jesse was full of life and he wanted so much from life, reading about his accomplishments and this memorial I can see how much he grew as a young man and how much he achieved during his adult life. Though I’m sadden at his passing, sadden not to have another chance to hear his roaring laugh, I can only smile at what a remarkable life! Jesse old friend I feel your special glow, thank you for your heartfelt embrace, your humanity!
Thomas W. Coughlin,
Madison,WI

TW Coughlin
Former U.S. Marine

November 8, 2008

Jes, just thought I would stop by, as things are always so crazy, it is amazing how fast time seems to just slip by. Last time I think I wrote that Labor day would be closing in on us and now, here it is, November with Thanksgiving and Christmast right around the corner. Never a dull moment in our house, so I always try to stop by and keep myself grounded in what is really important in life. Just knowing what other people are facing day in and day out without the people that mean the most to them. I cannot even imagine. Watch over your family, I know you always do, this is the time of year I am sure they need it most, old traditions have left and new ones have taken their place and I am sure it is not easy without you. Watch over your fellow EPD officers, they need it too, you'd be amazed at how many memories you left behind, the guys will never forget you. Watch over Karen, with the loss of Tim and Taylor, can there be any comfort in knowing the two are together? what a tragedy, too much for one person to handle. Just as you leaving life so soon, it just doesn't make any sense.

Easton PD Wife

November 5, 2008

Happy Anniversary, Jes.

Today was a beautiful day - very similar to our wedding day. I've been thinking about you all day and wondering what life would be like if you were still here.

The kids are getting so big - they both have birthdays coming up and will be 10 and 7. We have lived almost 4 years without you. It just doesn't seem possible that you've been gone so long. Too long.

We miss you every moment and wish so much that you were here with us.

I love you, Jes. Always and forever.
Carin

Anonymous

November 2, 2008

Happy Halloween up there!!!! Be with your kids while they trick or treat and enjoy the night.

Anonymous

October 30, 2008

Jes ~

I would give anything - anything - to have a conversation with you right now. I really need to talk to you. There is so much going on, so many things I need help with.......to say that I wish you were here is a huge understatement.

I wish I could talk to you. I need to hear your voice. I really, really need to hear your voice.

I miss you, Jes. I miss you in ways you can't possibly ever know.

It is really hard here without you. This past week was impossible I don't know how I got through it - or maybe I do.....On the wings of an angel and with lots of prayer.......

I love you. I've loved you from the moment we met and I will love you forever. Always and forever.

Noone will ever love me like you did. Noone will ever love the kids like you did. Noone will ever be who you were, noone will ever take your place.

It's actually sad to realize that. Sad but true.

Life is hard without you. I miss you terribly and would give anything to have you back. Please know that I am doing my best - it may not be that great, but it is my best.

I love you, Jes.
Carin

surviving spouse

October 24, 2008

Carin, I am happy to hear that you are doing well. I am also happy that you are able to move forward with Jess in your hearts. Don't be afraid to do things that you are questioning, its ok!! BE HAPPY!

Anonymous

October 21, 2008

Hey Jesse,
It's been awhile since I left a reflection. With the horrible death of Tim & Taylor, immediately, I thought of you. I am sure Tim & Taylor are with you in heaven, behave yourselves, you were always little devils when you worked together. I miss you, I think of your family often & hope they are doing fine, which I am sure they are doing the best they can. I just can't believe it's going on 4 yrs. It still seems like yesterday when I heard your loud laugh & joking with everyone. God bless you & God bless your family.

Staci

Anonymous

October 10, 2008

Jesse, Please watch over Karen and Sean.

Anonymous

October 9, 2008

Jesse,
A fellow (retired)officer has come to stay with you. He brought his daughter along with him, so please take care of them and show them how to help Karen and Sean through this horrible nightmare.

Anonymous

October 6, 2008

It has been 3.5 yrs since Jesse's death; and I just remembered now that your birthday just passed in the beginning of September- so much time now has gone by, so many events - I have never experienced anyone real close to me passing away, I really care that you are okay, and the kids are okay- Jesse will never be forgotten, but I do hope that you have been able to begin to move forward, you certainly deserve to live fully, seeing how Jesse always lived, I know that is what he would want it that way for you.

Easton PD Wife

September 26, 2008

Carin

Just stopping by to let you know I think of you often......

I am here if you need me.

chrissy g

chrissy gilbert

September 24, 2008

Dear Mrs Sollman,
I've spent hours last night and today reading every page of your husband's memorial. I never met him or any of your family, but I clearly recall the day of the accident, hearing of the tragedy on the news here in Philadelphia. You were in my prayers then, and you will continue to be forever. As I was reading, I realized that it is your birthday. I hope this year brings you peace and happiness.
All my best to you and your family, always.
A grateful citizen

Anonymous

September 6, 2008

Awhile back, I came upon a pamphlet that talked about making sense out of tragedy or suffering - I had misplaced it until just last night, it has 7 steps. I am not professing that these are good or bad, but I often find myself searching for the "why" , maybe these will help. (sorry, its a bit long)

1) Keep Feeling as You Keep Asking
Just as your body hurts in order to heal, so must your spirit. If you run from the pain, you'll only hve to face it later, when it may surface in a destructive and even more hurtful way. Remember, the only way out is through.

2) Reach out to People for Support
That alone will not give you answers, but it will comfort and strengthen you in your search. Reach out to people also for their stories. Find out how others have tried to make sense of suffering. Experience your connectedness to those who have explored the depths of their pain through words, art, film.

3) Accept the World as Imperfect.
Natural disasters, accidents, illness, and human acts of free will are all expressions of an im perfect world and imperfect persons. They are beyond our control. Even when our own actions bring on suffering, these actions are the result of our limitations, our weaknesses that we haven't yet been able to correct.

4) Realize You are Not Alone.
You share the experience of suffering with others. It's a part of being human. If you live fully, if you love deeply, you open yourself to deep hurt. And like you, others have asked why me? " To learn the reason you suffer" the wise man told the seeker, "find a home where suffering has never entered" The seeker could find no such home and that itself was one kind of answer.

5) If you have a religious tradition, examine what it says about suffering.
The question of suffering has been a fundamental concern of religions throughout all of history. Tragic events can shatter your belief systems, leaving you doubting all that you once found helpful and comforting, leaving you spiritually empty. You may need to rebuild theh structure that once gave meaning to your life - - or to build a new one that makes more sense to you now.

6) Work through resentment, blame, anger and hostility and then - let it go.
It is natural to feel negative emotions toward anyone you see as causing or contributing to the tragedy - the driver who hit the car, the physician who failed, the criminal and sometimes toward yourself and your God.

You need to face these emotions, and even acknowledge that some part of them may never leave you. But then let go as best you can. Strive to move beyond.

7) Stay open to growth and transformation.
Suffering in itself may seem meaningless, but you can find meaning in your response to it. You've faced perhaps the deepest, the most difficult of all questions. Let yourself grow from this experience.
Become more compassionate, open yourself to others in their woundedness. Work to improve the world, embrace healing, embrace life.

Living life fully - Though you may never solve the question of suffering, you can accept it as a mystery that is an inevitable part of life. Don't let that realization stop you from living passionately, profoundly, intensely.

On the contrary, let your knowledge of suffering move you to cherish life's every moment.

Easton PD Wife

September 1, 2008

I was just reading the poem just left and how beautiful and moving, and as I am typing this, tears are still rolling down my face. I think of Savannah, and can imagine her being that little girl. It's Labor day this weekend, and on September 25th, it will be 3 1/2 years since Jesse passed away. No matter how much time has passed though, there will never be any doubt as to what a great father Jesse was.

Easton PD Wife

August 29, 2008

Mrs. Sollman, I saw this poem and it reminded me of your little girl and your husband. Its kinda long but beautiful. God bless you.

Daddy's Poem

Her hair was up in a pony tail,
Her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
And she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home
Why the kids might not understand,
If she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
Of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
For her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
She tried to keep her daughter home..

But the little girl went to school
Eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
A dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats

One by one the teacher called
A student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
As seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
Every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
A man who wasn't there.

'Where's her daddy at?'
She heard a boy call out.
'She probably doesn't have one,'
Another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
'Looks like another deadbeat dad,
Too busy to waste his day.'

The words did not offend her,
As she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back,
Slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
Came words incredibly unique.

'My Daddy couldn't be here,
Because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
Since this is such a special day.

And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
And how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
He taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
And taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
And ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.

'Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart'

With that, her little hand reached up,
And lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
Beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere there in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
Who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love
Of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
Doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
But its message clear and loud.

'I love my daddy very much,
He’s my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
But heaven's just too far.

You see he is a Marine
and died just this past year
When a roadside bomb hit his convoy
And taught Americans to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,
It’s like he never went away.'
And then she closed her eyes,
And saw him there that day.

And to her mother's amazement,
She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
All starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,
Who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side.

I know you're with me Daddy,'
To the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
Of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
Was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
That heaven is never too far.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them,
a day to love them,
but then an entire life to forget them.

Take the time...to live and love.
Until eternity.

Anonymous

August 26, 2008

Hello Carin,

I was sitting at my EMS station today, hearing all the different calls go out, and all of a sudden started thinking about Jesse, then you, and your children. I still remember that day hearing the tones drop for Easton EMS. I also still remember the chill that went up my back when I heard the dispatchers voice, knowing it was bad. My mind started to wander, thinking about how you could survive this, how you can get up and get out of bed every single day. You must be an incredibly strong person to do this. I know if I were in your shoes, I don't think I could do it.

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you, your husband and your children. Take care...and keep your head up.

Eric S
Emergency Medical Services

August 24, 2008

Carin~

Songs bring lots of tears and moments of reflection. Down in Washington,DC this year, Jo Dee Messina was a guest, and sang on the lawn of the Capital. She sang a song titled "Heaven was needing a Hero." That song is just beautiful, and so fitting as a tribute to those who lost their live in the line of duty. Make sure you remove your make up before you listen to it.

Thinking of you always...we will never forget Jesse. And we will never forget you and the kids. Much love your way.

Donna
Wife of a Bethlehem PD Officer

August 10, 2008

Dear Officer Sollman,

I am a Lehigh Valley resident and I often think of you, although I have never met you. I am still pained by the senselessness of your death, three years later. Getting shot in your own police station, by another officer, in a tragic accident, is not a way to die for someone like you, who was committed to making his neighborhood a better place and had so much to offer to the world. You could have died shot by a suspect, or in a car crash while responding to a call, but that? That was not a fitting death for you.

I hope that the way you died is not what people will remember most about you in the end - you deserve to be remembered, first and foremost, for the man you were, the aspirations you had, the values you lived by.

May you look after your family and your law enforcement brothers and sisters, and give them all strength in the years ahead.

Anonymous

August 2, 2008

hey uncle jesse,
i was looking up lyrics today and theres a song that i started to look at and i thought id tell you about it,
Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile, I see your face
I hear your laugh' in the rain
I still can't believe you're gone

(Chorus)
It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing, no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today

Would you see the world
Would you chase your dreams
Settle down with a family
I wonder what would you name your babies
Somedays the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

(Chorus)
It ain't fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing, no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today

Today, Today, Today...
Today, Today, Today...

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know, I'll see you again someday

Someday, Someday...

i miss you sooo much. its still hard talking about you but i know your in a better place now, and one day ill see you again. I havent seen aunt carin savannah and jacob in a while but im sure there doing fine. we all miss you, and it really sucks that god chose you. but i just wanted to tell you that im thinking about you, your never off my mind. i love you even though when i was little i used to run to my mom everytime you tried to hug her :)
i love and miss you!
love always,
lexie

Anonymous

July 29, 2008

Dear Daddy,

I love you so so much. I'm sorry that you had to get shot in the back. I wish that it never happened ever and that you were alive. And I'm sorry that you are in Heaven and we really miss you. I wish you were back down on Earth and I love you daddy.

Love Jacob

July 26, 2008

Hey Jes ~

It's been a while since I left a reflection, but you know I visit every day. I have so much to say to you and so many things to tell you - I'll leave a longer reflection later but for now I wanted to leave the lyrics to a new Carrie Underwood song I heard today that made me stop what I was doing so I could sit and listen. It's really a beautiful song and reading the lyrics doesn't do it justice - you have to hear it sung. It's amazing and I wanted to share it with you.

.....when the church doors opened up wide she put her veil down trying to hide the tears
Oh she just couldn't believe it
She heard the trumpets from the military band and the flowers fell out of her hands

Baby why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me

This is just a dream......

The preacher man said let's bow our heads and pray
Lord, please lift his soul and heal this hurt
Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard
Then they handed her a folded up flag and
She held on to all she had left of him and oh, what could have been
And then the guns rang one more shot and it felt like a bullet in her heart

Baby why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me

This is just a dream.......

Even though you've been gone for over 3 years now, some days this all still seems like a dream, Jes. It still seems so impossible that you are never coming home again, never going to be here with us again - the finality of it all is very hard to accept and some days I still find myself feeling that same sense of disbelief I had the day you were shot.

I love you, Jes, and I miss you more than I could ever put into words. We feel your loss, and your absence, every minute of every day and we would give anything to have you here with us.

Always and forever.
~ Carin

July 26, 2008