Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Hey Jes ~

It's hard to believe that you've been gone 5 years, it just doesn't seem possible that so much time has passed.

This past year has been a real turning point for me and the kids, Jes, in every way imaginable. And I know you had a hand in everything that has happened. For so long after you died I felt like I was living in some kind of limbo - longing for a past that was already gone, but too afraid to move towards a future that was uncertain.

It was a horrible way to live.

But things changed for me last year - all the dark clouds began to clear and I could finally begin to see the sun again. Then everything just fell into place.

Settling the lawsuit in November was huge for me; I had no idea what an emotional burden it was to constantly be reminded of the horror of that day. Driving home from the Courthouse that night, I could feel the weight of the suit and the trial and everything associated with it just lifting from my soul - like a physical weight being removed. I didn't know how much I needed "closure" until I actually had it. Closure is real - it's like a physical entity that you don't realize you need until you have it. Then once you have it, you realize that you couldn't have lived without it.

I will never understand why you were called home so soon, Jes, not until I can meet our Maker myself and see His master plan. There was so much left here for you to do, so many plans and so many dreams, so much hope for the future.......you were only given half a life and I have many, many unanswered questions. But after all that has happened over the past 5 years and where I find myself now.....I can honestly say that while the pain of losing you and the life we had together will always be there, it IS possible to find inner peace again. It IS possible to start a new life, to have new hopes and dreams for the future, to have new love and new happiness. It IS possible to put all the unanswered questions aside and to continue living.

All the love I had with you will always be there - our life and all of our memories are tucked away in a special place in my heart. But the amount of love a heart can hold is boundless.....there is room there for more love and more memories. But you already know that - that's why you sent Michael.

I feel you around us all of the time, Jes. I know you've had a hand in everything that has happened over the past year - that you've orchestrated many things and influenced many decisions. I know that my life right now is exactly the way it is supposed to be, and I want you to know how much I appreciate you still looking out for us. And for all of the signs that you are still with us.

We love you, Jes. We love you and miss you.

2010......Life begins again....

Always and forever.
Carin
Loving Widow

Anonymous

April 10, 2010

Hey Jesse we met at the grave again this past anniversary. The wind was not blowing as strong as it usually does but it was chilly none the less, but you know that. One of the guys brought Rolling Rock, I hoped you liked it because we drank the Michelob Ultra. Same guys, every year. We'll be meeting every year I imagine for many years to come. I've grown attached to the place, so peaceful and serene sometimes. I know you Tim and Taylor are having a blast up there. Take care of us down here Jesse, watch over all the guys and their families. We keep your memory on our minds and lips all the time telling the new guys what a great cop you were and the Jesse stories. I gotta tell you sometimes we laugh so hard the new guys look at us like we're crazy. Till we meet again Jesse.

Just a friend
EPD

March 28, 2010

Well Jesse, its been 5 years, wow right. The guys went up today and spent the ENTIRE day there, as they usually do, then went out to eat, like they usually do. They miss you Jesse, in their souls, heart and minds. I am glad Carin has been able to move forward, I know you have been guiding her, and the kids are getting so big, but I am sure they are happy, just like you always were, they'll be just like you Jesse I am sure of it. Take care up there, plenty of people to keep you company now. Watch over the guys for me, I worry about them all. Your sudden death reminds me every day how quickly life can flash in front of you, and it scares me so much that something will happen to one of them. Carin is a very strong woman for coping with all of that, not sure I could. I will be up tomorrow to visit you, and my daughter drops by often, so, you're missed and thought of more than you ever thought possible.

Easton PD Wife

March 26, 2010

Jesse,
It's hard to believe 5 years have passed since your tragic death. We think of you and your family often. I see your brothers on the street every time we get hiked out.
You will never be forgotten.

Henry
Easton Fire Department

March 25, 2010

Karin

I am thinking of you and the kids and and all of Jesse's loved ones on this difficult anniversary date. I am sure that Jesse is proud of the incredible strength you have shown in your fight to do what was right for your beloved husband and your family.

Rest in Peace, Jesse.

Phyllis Loya
mother of fallen officer Larry Lasater

March 25, 2010

Words cannot express how much you are missed. It’s hard to believe that it has been five years since we lost you. Comfort has come from the reassuring words and support of friends, family, our neighbors, and others...in the public safety community.

I recently lost a two other friends...solid, good, hard working, family men. True American’s! Guys who give everything they can and have, to make this world a better place. These recent passing’s of my friends rocked my foundation. I began to question my faith and core values. Is it worth it?

A friend sent me an e-mail that has given me strength. I read it when I’m down or when I’m trying to figure out the non-sense going on around us. It helps. I hope my friend’s words may help others too...

I know you are sad, and as tuff as we both are...we to understand hurt. I know you are hurt. I know exactly how you feel. I have been down this path
too many times in my life. Your friend is a memory away. You visit him often. He'll come to you out of the blue. There are no answers. This thing called life is a daily mystery to us all. That's why we must truly enjoy our todays with all of those who have a spot in our heart. I have learned to always play the tapes
in my head of the fun, stupid, and good things that I did with my lost friends, constantly playing the mourning tape brings me way down. Look up, smile and know that your friend is watching over you now, WE ARE THE PLAYERS. GOD IS THE DIRECTOR. It’s his movie and its all good...I wish you strength and peace.

With that said...As I leave for work, I glance at the picture on my wall of you Jess(and Tim). I’m comforted knowing you guys are watching from above, reminded of our friendship, staying tactical...And, YES! It is worth it! We make a difference in peoples lives for the better!

To those who carry the torch...Stay strong! Be safe! I wish you strength and peace!

A Friend

March 25, 2010

Five years later and it still sucks... What else can I say? We'll all be up to spend the day with you today as we do every year. I really miss you pal. Take care of Colton for me until we can all be together again...

Nick
friend

March 25, 2010

On this day we remember you Jesse! You will never be forgotten!

Anonymous

March 25, 2010

Hey jess, it's been 5 years since you were taken from your family
and friends. You are greatly missed by all.
Sometimes I think to myself why him
he was so young and a great guy . But I am
sure there was a reason for him to take u
away so young in your life . RIP Jesse !
We miss u!

KtFLy

March 25, 2010

Another year has passed and you are still admired and respectfully remembered in the hearts and minds of so many. My thoughts and prayers are with your loved ones and friends on this anniversary of your EOW. You will never be forgotten.

James Sheppard
Father of Sgt. Jason L. Sheppard EOW 12/7/06

March 25, 2010

Five years have passed and your love still burns in the hearts of those that love you dearly. Continue to keep watch over your loved ones, especially your son and daughter as they continue their journey through life. You are a true hero and will never be forgotten.

Bob Gordon
Father of Chicago Officer: Michael P. Gordon, EOW: 8/8/04

March 24, 2010

Hey uncle jesse!
You've been on my mind a lot lately and I miss you a lot. I was reading a letter that aunt carin wrote me for my confirmation yesterday and she was talking about how you would always tease me about how I never wanted anyone to hug my mom except me. Haha I remember those giant bear hugs you always gave me and I always said I hated them when I really loved them. You would always have stubble on your chin and rub it on my head. And I would scream and cry but it was comforting. You always smelt like a sandwhich well atleast that what I smelt hahaha. I have a picture of you and me on my wall from nadine and erics wedding and I cut my hair the night before so I looked like a weirdo! Hahah but I love it. I heard a song the other day by carrie underwood called just a dream and it always makes me think of you...I just wanted to tell you that I miss you and your on my mind a lot lately. I love you uncle jesse!
Love,
Lexie

Anonymous

February 25, 2010

Superbowl Sunday and February, odd I know, and the Saints Won. Gotta love it, only in America. Jesse, I know you would have enjoyed the game, you always seemed to enjoyed about everything.
I come back to this site to pay my respects, to remember your ultimate sacrifice, remember all of those who have sacrificed their lives and to remember most, your memory. I also think of Carin, and while she has been amazing through all of this, and has remarkably forged ahead, it has not been easy and has had to make many sacrifices as well.
When times get tough I always try to remember these sacrifices, it keeps me grounded. Helps me to remember the importance of life and the importance of the people around me who make my life meaningful. Happy February Jess, see ya next month.

Easton PD Wife

February 7, 2010

Hi Jesse, well first, Happy Birthday! sorry it was missed but no worries, I miss about everyone's birthday, sooner or later I usually catch up, so this is probably better than most. Second, Merry Christmas and within the next few days, happy new year. Time goes by so fast, with my kids getting older now, I really see that. I read Carin's reflection, and it was just so beautiful. She is so right, you really inspired so many people, and so many people still miss you so much. In so many little ways though you still live on. Savannah and Jacob have gotten so big, and they look so happy, Carin has surely done a trememdous job. They may not remember you like we want them to, and that is sad, but your job as a father and husband was somehow determined to be completed here, for no reason that will ever make any sense, but your children will live and grow and mature into great people, after all, they have your DNA and are surrounded by so many people who love them. Their memory of you may be short, but in a lot of ways, they are the living memory of you.

Carin, I was happy to see that a settlement has been reached and finally, this chapter can be closed. I do not want to wish this away, I feel like in a way, I am wishing away Jesse's memory, but I know that is not it. It has been a long time, and it is time. Happy New Year, our best for the very best of health for all of you.

Easton PD Wife

December 29, 2009

Thinking of you and all of your loved ones on this Christmas Day. You have not been forgotten by those that love you, nor will that ever be the case. Continue to keep watch over everyone and protect them.

Bob Gordon
Father of Chicago Officer: Michael P. Gordon, EOW: 8/8/04

December 25, 2009

Dear Carin,

Haven't been on in a while, it just got too sad to read and I had to back off for a while. I am glad to read that things finally worked out for you with the city. I am so sorry for all the heartbreak and struggles on top of everything that they put you through. I pray for you and your blessed family. I think of you often.

With love,

Linda Rittenhouse
Always Matt's Mom

December 23, 2009

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE, REST IN PEACE.

N.J. TROOPER
NEW JERSEY STATE POLICE

December 10, 2009

Happy Birthday Jes! I'm sure you are the life of the party up there, as always. Still miss you as much today as the day you went away. Until we can see one another again...

Nick
friend

December 5, 2009

Hey Jes ~

These are the lyrics to a song by Alan Jackson called "Sissy's Song" written about a woman friend of his who died....I changed some of the words so it would be appropriate for a man. It's such a pretty song and it makes me cry every time I hear it.

Why did he have to go
So young I just don't know why
Things happen half the time
Without reason without rhyme
Handsome, sweet young man
Son, husband and father
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe

He flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And he walks with Jesus and his loved ones waiting
And I know he's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

Loved ones he left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
Then asking for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe

He flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And he walks with Jesus and his loved ones waiting
And I know he's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

It's hard to say goodbye
His picture in my mind
Will always be of times I'll cherish
And I won't cry 'cause

He flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And he walks with Jesus and his loved ones waiting
And I know he's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Don't worry 'bout me
Don`t worry 'bout me

My tears today are for you, Jes, not for me. My tears are because you only lived to be 36, because you died so young and because so much was taken from you. My tears are for all that you've missed over the past 4 1/2 years and for all that you will continue to miss in the future with your family and your children. My tears are for your friends who still love and miss you, who will go to your favorite restaurant tonight and have dinner in your memory, who after all this time still honor you in so many ways.......my tears are not for myself.

This year has been such a turning point for me and the kids and I know you had a hand in everything that has happened. Thank you for being such a wonderful man, for being such a wonderful husband, father, friend, son, uncle, brother, nephew, Marine and police officer. Thank you for inspiring so many people to love more and to live their lives better. Thank you for always taking such good care of me and the kids, and for sending Michael to continue to do what you can't. Thank you, Jesse, for blessing my life in so many ways both before 2005 and after. I love you with all of my heart and I always will.

Happy 41st Birthday in Heaven - I hope the angels are singing to you today. We love you, Jes, we love you and miss you and wish you were here with us.

Always and forever.
Carin

Anonymous

December 4, 2009

I love you Jes.
Always and forever.
Carin

Anonymous

November 28, 2009

Son,
The day you married our daughter was one of the happiest days of my life. The day God welcomed you home was one of the saddest days of my life. We remember you in so many ways. Every day you are in our prayers, and every day we think of you. In less than a month you will be 40 years old, so Happy Birthday; but in my minds eye you are still 36, young, strong, funny, serious, and crazy about your family. I can still feel those big hugs you would give me and I can still hear you whisper in my ear "love you pop".
Every time we cook out we laugh about the times we would eat the meat before we got it into the house. I know your father is thinking about you and your family also as we come near to your birthday and the holidays.
Son we love you with all of our hearts.

Your family will be OK now. Things worked out. You told your Carin what you wanted and it worked out!. God bless you on this Thanksgiving Eve. May God grant you pease.

Dad

Charles Hentz
Dad

November 23, 2009

Carin, I am so happy for you that this has finally come to an end. Jesse can rest in peace knowing that financially, you will be okay. I pray that Jesse continues to watch over you, Savannah and Jacob, and the EPD, the guys miss him terribly. Jesse made such an impact on so many peoples lives and his death has made an even bigger impact.

Easton PD Wife

November 15, 2009

Carin,
So glad to hear that the city has reached an agreement w you. Nothing can return Jesse to you but this will help you to make sure your kids are going to be OK financially. Like you, I have so many signs from that my hubby continues to watch over me and our family. We were both blessed to have such wonderful men in our lives and blessed to have them still watching over us.. if only they were still here in person. Take care and stay strong. Bless you, Pat M.

Wife of Sgt C. R. M.

November 14, 2009

Jesse, may you now rest in peace knowing that Carin and the kids are taken care of and this thing is finally coming to an end. I know that you will continue to smile down upon them and shower them with your love. Rest easy in the arms of the angels until we can see one another again... I miss you dearly old friend...

Nick
friend

November 11, 2009

Karin:

I just read of the settlement you were able to reach with the City of Easton and was glad the litigation is now over for you. I was so disgusted four years ago when I read about you having to fight Easton to get them to fully cover the funeral costs, that I was not surprized to learn of their settlement posture in the negligence action. It must be a big feeling of relief to conclude this chapter.
How fitting it is to have this settlement occur near the anniversary of the formation of the Marine Corps in which Jesse served so well.

To Jesse: Happy Birthday, Marine on the 234th USMC birthday. Semper Fi. Your memory is honored and revered.

Phyllis Loya
mother of fallen officer Larry Lasater, eow 4/24/05

November 10, 2009