Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

You can now rest in peace blue angel!!

June 1, 2006

So.. Im almost home ,just about another month or so ,crap is hitting the fan here ,I think its b/c they know we are leaving soon, but I know that you and God are always watching over me ,that was proved when I met Howard over here .I miss you so much ,I know everyone does ,and I cant wait to just go and sit and talk to you ,maybe even give up some of my tulips for your grave-lol. You know how stingy I am with tulips. ..Love you ...

Brandy Koester
waynes niece

May 30, 2006

Wayne

We think about you all the time. Even though I never really knew you, Cory told me so much about you. He loved you and looked up to you so much. He tells me how yall used to play video games together and he had so much fun with you. You made a big impact in his life and I thank you for that. We love and think about you always.

Love Always

Cory, Brittney, & Rylee Hall
Friends

May 26, 2006

UNCLE WAYNE I AM VERY HAPPY THAT THIS ORDEAL IS ALMOST OVER THE SENTENCING ISNT YET BUT THE VERDICT HAS COME I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU AND THAT I THINK ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME AND HOW YOU WERE TAKEN AWAY FROM US SO EARLY AMBER TELLS ME HOW MUCH SHE MISSES YOU ALL THE TIME I PRAY FOR OUR FAMILY AND AMBER AND RYAN I AM HOPING THE FAMILY REMEMBERS ME AND HOW MUCH I DO LOVE THEM NOW I AM LOOKING TO GOD TO LEAD ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION AND HOPEFULLY WE WILL ALL BE A FAMILY IN THE END I LOVE YOU UNCLE WAYNE , VICTOR

VICTOR KOESTER
NEPHEW

May 25, 2006

Thank the good Lord this is almost over!! To everybody who had to testify: You all did a great job, and thanks to you all the jury came through. I know that it sounds crazy to compliment you on something so awful, but something good did come from it. You all deserve to know that all of Lake County and the LEO family appreciate what you did. It all comes down to the truth of what happened. My heart breaks each time I think of what all of you had to re-live. Life can now go on with Wayne's watchful eye over us all.

May 25, 2006

Heyyyyyy baaby,
I love you so very very much. Im sitting down, the house is quiet and now I'm just trying to catch my breath. It's finally over honey. For the last 469 days, we've waited for the words we heard today. They came back with the death penalty. I have my own opinions on death and life without parole. Either way, he'll never get out to hurt another family again. There will never be another wife, child or family to ever have to go through what we have these last 16 months. I also feel for the other family as well, some may wonder why, but I do have a heart. They didnt cause this, they didnt make him take a life. During this past week, some of us have spoken to members of his family. His mother, aunt and sister. They have told us that they continue to pray for our family and are so very sorry for what has happened. They know as we do that nothing can bring you back. I was asked today by a reporter, if I would ever be able to forgive him. I simply told them it was not up to me to forgive him. He would have to get that from a higher source than me. After all, I'm not the one he will have to answer to in the end. I think right now I'm going to take a very long nap and catch up on some much needed sleep. I love you so much honey and always will. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Your Loving Wife,
Ashley

May 24, 2006

Wayne, I just wanted to say that I am so glad that the trial is coming to an end. I really don't know how Ashley is doing it because it breaks me up just reading about the trial and watching blogs on the computer of it, I just can't imagine how it is for Ashley and the rest of your family. I know that you are there for each and everyone.

As to Ashley, I watched the video of your testimory on the computer and I couldn't hold back the tears, you were great. Everyone was great I don't know how everyone didn't just scream. I am so sorry for your loss, and just know that if you ever need anything I am here.

Wayne we love you and truly miss you. :)

Kandie Penley

Kandie Penley
Friend of Family

May 24, 2006

Hey baby,
Well, it's almost over. Tomorrow, the jury will decide, life or death. We all gave our testimonies and, true be known, I have no idea how any of us sat up there and spoke without screaming at the top of our lungs. However, we knew we couldn't. We had to be strong. We couldnt jeapordize losing the case any emotional outbreaks. I am praying for our family to have one more day of strength. Only one more to get through, and then the jury will recommend what they think he should get, then its in the judges hands. He will probably take a week or two, then sentence him. Be with us baby.
Well, yesterday was orientation at vcso. We spent the majority of the day filling out paperwork. I was suppose to start today however with the trial going on, they are giving me time to see this through. They have been very supportive and very understanding, and for that I am so very grateful.
Jamie graduated 8th grade today. I bought her a dozen roses and a gift. Jonell went with me as well and brought her a bouquet of flowers as well. I so wish you could have been there. The children are growing up so fast. It seems like just yesterday, I was taking pictures of her first day of kindergarden. Crying as I left her in a place that was not home. Where does the time go. How do we get so busy with life that it just slips by until moments like these. I just a few years she will be off to college and then it will be just me and Jordan in the house. After that, I will be alone. We were suppose to retire together and drive around the country. Ok, Im going to stop there before I get toooo emotional. I love you so very much baby and miss you like crazy. As always, watch over our babies and keep them under you wing. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Your Loving Wife,
Ashley

May 23, 2006

The last 16 months we have been waiting for the horrible trial to start. Even though we had that long to prepare I do not think any of us were ready for the testimony we all had to listen to.
I know that Vic, I and the rest of our family have said in the past how Tom and Bill were going to be apart of our family for ever. Until their testimony I had completely underestimated how much meaning were behind those words. I can say that I am honored and feel peace in my heart that God chose those two men to be out with Wayne on what was his last day. You both handled yourselves with dignity and strength, and should never had to see or go thru the things you did.
Lee, thank you so much for not leaving your fallen brother behind. I did not know that you carried him out until the trial. I cannot imagine the impact that has left in your life and so I will pray each night that you will find peace.

To my family I think we can hold our heads up high, and feel that we were truly honored to have known Wayne. We have handled this trial with strength Wayne would have wanted from us. We all have the same goal and we were all looking for the same thing. GUILTY. And we got it!! God really put the jury's heart in the place it needed to be so that they would see thru the smoke of the defence and find justice for Wayne.
Penalty phase is next. I am praying for Vic, Paula, Ashley and Ginger to have the strength they need when they tell the jury what Wayne meant to them, and what Wheeler took from us.
You will always be missed, but close in our hearts.

We love you Wayne

Jonell Koester
Sister-in law

May 20, 2006

Wayne,

It was without any doubt, but we finally got to hear the one word we have been looking for, "G U I L T Y." That word meant so much to the law enforcement community of Central Florida and so many others. The sentencing phase is next and we all know what we want, but that is irrelevant because it won't allow your loved ones to be with you; However, I agree, "An eye for and eye and a tooth for a tooth."

Ashley,

You and your family are warriors for all that you have stood tall through and are still battling. It is an honor to know that I had a very, very, very small part in your training toward becoming a Deputy Sheriff. I know you will be an outstanding Deputy. Congratulations.

Lt. Ken Birkhofer
Eustis Police Department

May 20, 2006

Heyyyyyy baby,
Well, You were there, you heard. He was found guilty on all five counts. I know my baby is smiling down from above. I cannot describe the unbelievable emotions that come over you other than if you close you fist really really tight and hold it like that for a minute,then let go, you feel this wave of release come across your hand. Thats what it felt like. A wave of release across your entire body. What an incredible feeling. Now its just a few more days of court and it'll be over. The pain of your loss will always always be there, but we now have our justice for you. I love you so very much baby. It has been a very long and emotional roller coaster of a month. I'm going to bed now, hopefully to make up for alot of sleepless weeks. Watch over our babies. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Your Loving Wife,
Ashley

May 20, 2006

I have been sitting my the computer over here all night,listening to coldplays"the scientist" over and over again ,waiting to know what happens in this case.Knowing that it wont make me feel any better if they say that he will die,that doesnt make me feel better over here ,I wish you were here .. I miss you so much .. Please watch over me .

Brandy Koester
niece

May 19, 2006

Hello my love,
Today was our second day into the trial. I admit, it was another hard one. They brought the jury outside to see your car today. It was hard on everyone. Carla and Andrea were there. I'm so glad they were but wish they didnt have to see the things they saw. When it was over and the jury went back inside all three of us just clung to each other and cried. Three wives just trying to support each other. Three wives hurting for their spouses. Hurting for what they went through that horrible day. Hurting for each other. After we went inside, Bill took the stand. There were more tears, more sorrow, more heartbreak as you look into the eyes of your family and friends knowing that they are hurting and there is nothing you can say or do to ease them. All you can do is hold onto each other, hold on to the memories you have and not take anything for granted. We have all found out how really precious life.
We miss you so much. xoxoxoxoxo

I love you baby,
Ashley

May 18, 2006

Hey baby,
Since we lost you, today has probably been one of the hardest days we have had in a long time.We knew it was coming. We knew it was going to be hard. We didnt know, however, just how hard it was going to be. We knew alot of details already but nothing compared to what we heard today or what we learned more of. If there was a test of how much strength a person had today, well, I failed miserably. I had read a copy of the tape. Reading however is not the same as hearing it. You cant see or feel the emotions on a piece of paper. You cant fully grasp what everyone is going through without hearing it. So, on the first day, my test of strength flew right out the window. One by one we heard testimony from our friends. As they gave their accounts of what had happened, you could tell each one was hurting for a brother they had lost. Each one having to relive those terrible memories of your last day with them. One inperticular rocked me to the core. How I wish I could ease their pain, to ease everyones pain.
Well, I left the courtroom during a testimony, on the pretense of going to change clothes. Knowing it was just that I couldnt bear to listen to anymore that very second. When I got in my car, I was crying, looking at my picture of us. I remember saying I didnt know how I could get through this trial because my strength that I have had all this time, didnt seem to be there. When I started my car, for some unexplained reason, I looked down at my odometer and was floored. It read 1426, your I.D. number. Your were there, you were with us, you always were. I love you baby. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Your Loving Wife,
Ashley

May 17, 2006

Ashley,

Your last reflection was just beautiful!! I know that words cannot express the appreciation that you have for the S.O. but your words were truly from the heart. I hate that it came to losing your husband to get this much attention but what they are doing now is so much beyond what anybody expected. Everybody at the S.O. does have a heart of gold behind that bullet proof vest.

P.S.
Congrats to Captain Grinell! You Rock!

May 17, 2006

Hey baby,
Well, we are finally home. It has been an exhausting week for everyone. Words just simply cannot describe how honoring the memorial was this week. Royalty doesnt even compare to how we were treated from the second we got off the plane til the final day of the ceremonies. My first tear came when we got off the plane and saw our department's honor guard and other officers were all standing in a line. There must have been hundreds just standing there watching and wondering what the heck these officers were doing and what in the world we had done wrong to bring such a presence. They escorted us to get our luggage, put us on bus limo where we had police escorts and motor units in front of us and behind us, while others cleared the interstate to take us to the hotel. Impressed doesnt even begin to hit the mark. We had many seminars to attend to on grief, support etc. I went one called Preparing for the trial. If that didnt come in handy in the nick of time. The seminar was very useful and got some good info from there. The kids had a great time. Amber, Ryan, Jamie and Jordan were able to spend alot of time together. They miss each other so much. They all went to kids cammp saturday and sunday. On sunday they went to the FBI academy ( ok, I'm a little Jealous of that, LOL). I so wanted to go with them but I couldnt. I definitely have to work on my people skills cause no matter how much you beg to go, it didnt get me anywhere, hmmmm. After the memorial, we went to the "picnic in the park". There was a big barbeque with alot of cops putting on shows. Alot of k-9 cops were there to put on a display with their partners. The Blue Knights took kids on motorcycle rides. THere was alot of activities for the kids. Well, there was no safer place on earth than in Washington this past week. Thousands upon thousands of officers everywhere you looked. Humbling, heartbreaking, well, just about every emotion came over you at some point. Probably, out of every event that took place, the most touching was the candlelight vigil. The blue laser that represented the "thin blue line" pierced the night sky from the front of the crowd to the back, widened and then came back. Truely a beautiful sight. Linda took us to see your name. I couldnt wait to see it but the moment I did, I broke. I didnt think it would hit me so hard. I know all of us felt the same way. Your name carved in stone for all of eternity, in a place to honor america's heroes. Ive said it before but you were our hero long before you became america's. For every special smile we got, for those extra "just because" hugs and kisses, for each time I came home and found a card waiting for me on the pillow or in some spot I would often go to. For the many I love you's you would write into the mirror so I would find them. Every time you made the kids laugh or watched a movie or played a game with them. You are our hero because we were loved by you beyond compare. Now, we have the trial to go through. We missed the first day of jury selection because we were at the memorial but as soon as the plane landed today, I took the kids home and went straight to the courthouse. I sat there for a while listening to them talk to different potential jury members. Well, they picked their 14 members and trial will begin tomorrow. Its something we knew was coming and what we have been preparing for these last 16 months, however now that its here, I dont know how ready this family really is. But, we will get through it. That much I'm sure of. However rocky these next couple of weeks are, we have each other to lean on and support from our friends and the community. We love you so very much baby. Exhausting is winning over so Im going to get some sleep. Watch over our babies. Help m to provide our family with the strength to endure this next chapter in our lives. Keep a gentle hand on us as well as Tom, Bill, Andrea, and all of our leo family as they too will be reliving this nightmare over again during this trial. Stay close baby. xoxoxoxoxoxoxox


These last few words are for a few that have gone way beyond their duties to help and support our family. But first, I just wanted to say that I met alot of survivors over this last week who did not recieve even half the support from their department as we have from ours. Some had to plan their funerals alone with no help from their spouses agency, some planned their own trip to Washington, others came alone to washington without a single co-worker with them or to be there to honor their own. My heart breaks for them to think that they had to go through this alone. So, my first thank you is to the Sheriff.

*Sheriff Daniels, thank you sir, for all the support you have given to this family. Without your help none of this could have been possible. You have truly honored Wayne with all that you and this department have done. I couldnt be prouder of you, the department and everyone at the S.O.

*Linda, you my dear, there are no words to describe your devotion to this family. You helped me plan a perfect funeral. You and the others who helped, couldnt of put a better effort into the planning of our trip to washington. No stone was left unturned and we thank you for everything you did to make sure everything was perfect for us, and guess what? It was!!! You began as my co-worker, then my supervisor ,a friend and now a cherished member of our family. We love you!!!!!

*Chaplain Bob, you have been with me since that terrible morning you picked me up until our final memorial in Washington. I know you will be there through many more hard times. You've given support to this family in a time we so deparately needed. A simple thank you could never be enough. I am in awe of you at how you deal with the pain and grief of so many families. You truly are an amazing man and we are so lucky to have you in our lives. You and Judy were a tremedous strength for us this past week. We love you guys!!!!

*Sgt Matthews and Honor Guard, hats off to you guys. You represented your department and fallen officer with such pride and honor in both Tallahassee and Washington. I'm so proud of all of you. Thank you for being there to support our family. Maybe next time you can take the Expedition, lol.

*Captain Grinell, I will never forget the look on your face the night I was on radio with the "Aflac Duck". As they say, it was priceless. When you came to our shift as our patrol Lt. years back, I never would of dreamed you would be escorting me and my family to the memorial wreath. Thank you, Peyton, for helping to honor Wayne.

Your Loving Wife,
Ashley

May 16, 2006

Daddy's Poem

Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back,
for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
anxious in their seats

One by one the teacher called
a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name,
every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?"
she heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back,
she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her,
as she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here,
because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories
he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
and taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes,
and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him.
I'm not standing here alone.

"Cause my daddy's always with me,
even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
he'll forever be in my heart"

With that, her little hand reached up,
and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads,
her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love
of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down,
staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
but its message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much,
he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
but heaven's just too far.
You see he was a policeman
and died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
and taught Americans to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes,
it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
and saw him there that day.
And to her mothers amazement,
she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
all starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them,
who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
they saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy,"
to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it,
for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing,
that heaven is never too far.

They say it takes a minute to find a special
person, an hour to appreciate them,
a day to love them, but then an entire
life to forget them.

Send this to the people you'll never forget and
remember to send it also to the person that sent
it to you. It's a short message to let them know
that you'll never forget them.

If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're
in a hurry and that you've forgotten your
friends.

Take the time...to live and love.
Until eternity. God bless

The Wooten's with Love

May 16, 2006

Hey my love,
Well, we're packing for Washington. I am not sure what I'm feeling right now. Nervous, a little anxious, worried, probably all those other feelings I'm not going to admit to. I know deep down that things are going to be fine and the event is going to be so beautiful. Linda and the s.o have done so much work to get ready for this. Im so proud of them. They have truly been a blessing to this family. Well, your local memorial went wonderful. Amber, Jamie and Jordan walked with the Sheriff to take you rose to the Wreath. They were all a little nervous. Amber and I made an agreement not to cry. If she cried then I would and Vice versus. We made it all the way to the end, that is until they played amazing grace. That song cuts right through my heart. Remember, I use to humm or sing that song to Jordan at night when she was a baby while I rocked her to sleep, or just doing something around the house. I still catch myself starting the song and then have to stop because its too painful. We miss you so much honey. I'm going to finish this for now. Still have much to do before we leave. I love you very much. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Your Loving Wife,
Ashley

May 11, 2006

Way to go Ashley!!!!! I will bet my paycheck you are going to make an awesome Deputy. I have been reading Wayne's reflections page since Amber left a reflection for my buddy, Det. Jared Jenson EOW:02/22/06. Thank you Amber for that, it meant a lot to so many of us. Since I started reading Wayne's pages and pages of reflections, I am totally getting what an awesome man he was and what an amazing and wonderful family he has. After such a terrible loss, you are all moving forward and not giving up on life. Wow, truly amazing. Ashley be safe on your new job. Amber, your dad is with you everyday, everywhere you are. Brandy, take care of you and thank you for serving. Im ex-Army and my wife is active duty and she is set to go to the sandbox in the fall with 60th Ord from Ft. Carson. All of you stay safe, you are all in my prayers. And to Deputy Wayne Koester, keep watching over your family and all of your LEO families. We will watch over your family too.

Jason Ragland
Colorado Springs Police Department

May 11, 2006

HEyyyyy dadddddddddy!
yea i do miss my babies Aadyn and Cailtin and i LOVE them to death. well im really missing you now and i hope that right now you are my guardian angel and that you are watching over me.
i love you lots!
Love Always♥

Amber Koester
Your baby girl

May 10, 2006

Hello my love,
Well, it's official. I am now a Deputy Sheriff. I accepted their offer yesterday. They called me on my way back from your memorial. After two days of such sadness, there was a happy moment as well. One I can remember about that day. I went today (well actually yesterday now since its past midnight ) and got fitted for my uniforms, gun belt, I.D. card, etc. I cant believe my dream came true. I only wish you could be here with me to see me sworn in. But I know you will be watching and I know you are happy for me. I love you baby and just wanted to share my news with you. Watch our babies!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Your Loving Wife,
Ashley

May 10, 2006

Well your honor has now been completed in Tallahassee. Ginger and Ashley have told me wonderful things about the entire trip. I am so glad to hear that the kids have found other children that know exactly how they feel. I hope this will help them very much.
Vic and I were unable to make it to your state reconition. Steven and I were to go up,but things fell thru, and your brother had to work. But we will be there for most of your national reconition. I know Brandy really wishes she could be there. I told her that when she gets home from Afganistan we would make a special trip up to see your honor placed with other hero's that went before you and after you.
Ashley I am glad that you didn't think before you let us buy Wayne's bike. lol he really loves that bike. At least it is still close. It is the only thing Vic has of his brothers, so he really takes care of it.
You would be so proud of Steven he will graduate from high school on May 19 and then he will leave for Great Lakes on July 11 for Navy boot camp. He is going to be a special forces diver. I know you will be with him to help him thru. He is such a good kid.
We will be taking your brother Jamie to Washington DC. I know because of his health problems he does not get to go to may of your honoring events, but he will be able to go with us. I know he is really looking forward to going.
Ginger and Ashley took alot of photos that I will be able to put in your memorial book. I can't wait to see them. Ashley got some video too, so we will get more in Washington and make sure all of the kids have a copy to keep forever.
The trial is coming up, and I am nervous about going. It is kinda scary thinking about finding out all of the details of your faitful day. I pray every day that God will grant our family peace to get thru this trying month.
It is amazing how much you death has affected this entire community. I see police officers and other deputies out on the road, and wonder if they were out there looking for the man who took you from us, or how they felt learning of your loss. I then say a prayer to keep them safe so that they may return home to their famlies who love them as much as we love you. People will ask for my drivers license or see your decal on the back of my truck and ask how we were related. When they learn of our relation it is funny how they all have the same look of saddbess in their eyes, and how they all say how sorry they are for our loss. I think to my self that I am just happy to have known you, and to have you be apart of my childrens lives. Every night when Caitlyn and Maria say their prayers they ask God to watch over their Uncle Wayne up in heaven. I have to tell them that their Uncle Wayne is just looking out for them from up in heaven, and that you are waiting there for them. They get big smiles on their faces and go to sleep thinking good thoughts about you.
I wish we could have had you here longer, but that wish is coming from a selfish person still here on earth. I hope that thru our famlies testamony we can make you shine for years to come. You were a good man Wayne, and I am sure making one outstanding angel.
I promise to be there for your kids Amber, Ryan, Jamie and Jordon as much as they will let me. I love them very much and loving them is like loving you, and having you still here with us. Especially Ryan need I say more? I do not think there could be more of a spitting image.
Ashley I used to think I could take her, but now she is going to be a Sherriff in Volusha county!!! I know she will land on her feet. I just hope they did not teach her pressure points in the acadamy. That hurts!!!lol
Ginger is really doing great with Amber and Ryan, and I am so glad to see they have been able to rely on her when they needed her most. I promise to get Caitlyn and Aadyn over to see Amber more I know she really loves them and misses them. We have just been so busy, but that is no excuse. Time is to precious and short to be to busy for family.
We miss you and love you more than can be described by mear words. Life now just goes on with you permanatly in our hearts and thought's each day. I hope we make you proud.
Until I see you again beyond those pearly gates
Jonell

Jonell Koester
sister-in-law

May 9, 2006

Hey baby,
We just got back a few hours ago from the state memorial. You would be proud of your department. I know I sure am. They all did an amazing job during the entire event. The Sheriff, Chief, Sgt, Honor Guard, Cassie and her group of mounted patrol and posse. To be perfectly honest, the whole way up there I was nervous as can be. You dont know what to expect when you get there, where to go, what to do. When we arrived, there were a sea of unfamiliar faces. Hundreds of people everywhere. That is until, we walked in! I saw some of the people from our department. I Hope I didnt show it too much but a sigh of relief came over me. They were truly a welcomed sight. Home didnt seem so far away now because they brought it with them. They were there to honor the family but most of all they were their to honor their brother. Each one of them was a blessing. Dad got to meet most of them.You know how dad is, he chatted up a storm with half of them. Sgt Matthews played with the kids. He kept them laughing with his whistling of songs. He did it so much the songs stuck in their heads. There was also a K-9 officer from Tallahassee that was there. He brought out his dog and the kids played tug of war with it. They absolutely loved it. They must of had me take them back over there 3-4 times to see the dog. Through all the crying and emotions everyone had during this time, It is definitely a special happy memory of the memorial. For that I am grateful. You would be so proud of those four children. They are sure proud of daddy and love you so much. They are the most wonderful kids anyone could ever have. Jordan, bless her heart, kept handing me and Amber Tissues. She'd hand us one every minute or so until we had a whole wad of them in our hands. Me and Amber just looked at each other and laughed. She was trying to be so helpful and sweet. We didnt have the heart to tell her we had enough already. Jamie is my little rock, my mothering hen. She is so much like me. She tries to never show her emotions in front of anyone. She wants to make sure everyone else is fine first. Today however, she was unable to keep them hidden. It broke my heart to see her like that when she tries to be so strong for us.

The candlelight vigil last night was beautiful, touching, heartbreaking. They are just a few of the words that could describe it. The entire memorial was amazing. From the card and flowers in our room, stuffed animals for the kids, to the tons of phone numbers and emails to keep in touch. The C.o.p.s and Fop really are two amazing groups. Most are past survivors themselves. They welcomed all the survivors with opened arms and made you part of their family. Always a concerned face, a hug, and more than anything understanding. They have been in our shoes, they have felt the same devasting pain and loss, and they know exactly what we are going through. They are there to help new survivors deal with their grief and pain in any way they can. To offer their shoulder to lean on or cry upon if needed. When we are ready, we in turn will be there for the next set of survivors. Its a circle of healing so to speak. I am so very grateful to have met so many of them. Complete strangers that share an unimaginable bond. I was also able met several of the other families. I met the Jenkins family as well as the Lemus's. Mr. Lemus is such a sweet man. How very proud he is of his son. I talked with him and an officer with UCF. Lemus's son Rocky, the UCF officer, you, me. We all went to the same academy. After the memorial we meet with Governor Bush. He was wonderful. He gave each of the children a special commander in chief coin. Joked and laughed with them. Let them wander around his office looking at his collectables. And you know our kids, that could have been a big mistake, but it went fine, lol. He made us feel very at home there. There is so much I have left out but it would take days to write.

My last words are for Officer Bauman of Virginia who wrote the last reflection. Thank you, Sir, for Honoring my Husband as you ride this year. I pray that you and the other officers have a safe journey. My thoughts will be with you as you embark on the 10th. Take care and my the lord bless you.

We love you baby so very much. Keep watching over our babies and be with the officers this week. Memorial week is not only hard on the families but on the officers as well. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Your Loving Wife,
Ashley

May 8, 2006

I will embark on a journey the day after tomorow, Wednesday May, 10 2006 in memory of Wayne. I will be riding with the Virginia Chapter of the Police Unity Tour. We will be riding bicycles from Chesapeake Virginia to Washington D.C. over three days. Wayne is the officer that I have been assigned this year. He will be my guiding light to find the strength to finish my journey. My thoughts and prayers go out to Wayne and his family. He will never be forgotten and has touched yet another person whom he did not know.

Senior Police Officer Mike Bauman
James City County Police Dept. (Virginia)

May 8, 2006

Hello my love,
I went to an awards ceremony with the Sheriff,Bill and Tom as well as Carla and Andrea today. I didnt realize how much I missed seeing them. We caught up on alot. It was very thoughtful of this particular group to give you an honor. After that, we took the girls shopping at the Sanford Mall to get some things for our coming events. I had to stay on one side of the Mall for a while so they could take them to pick put a Mothers Day Gift. I sent Mothers to her already. It is a necklace with charm that says Policeman's Mom on it. It is very beautiful. You know how sentimental she is about stuff like that. We took Jordan and Meagan to Libby Lu's and had their hair done. Jordan loves to get all made up and goes too many times to count. When we finished the mall we went to Sams. We were shopping for a while when I saw it. My heart just about stopped beating. I remember how much you wanted to buy it. You wanted to take me off in it one day just for some quiet time. Its truly amazing how certain things just stop you right in your tracks. Things that you would never think about until it sits there staring you right in the face. I wonder if there will every come a time when that wont happen. Or if it does, it wont tear your heart out. So many memories still come up when a song is played or you pass some where we went. Its very hard alot of the times not to just break down. But I know I cant. Well, we have so much coming up in the next couple weeks I'm wondering how we are gonna catch our breath from one event to the next. Tomorrow starts the first of several memorials. We have to leave in a few hours to begin the first one. I dont think I'm really read to start all of this but I know you never leave my side and that gives me comfort and makes each step a little easier to take. I love you so very much baby. I will stop and see you on my way out tomorrow. Im praying for everyone to have a safe trip tomorrow. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo




I never had no one
I could count on
I've been let down so many times
I was tired of hurtin'
So tired of searchin'
'Til you walked into my life
It was a feelin'
I'd never known
And for the first time
I didn't feel alone

You're more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you
I don't know where I'd be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You're my best friend
You're my best friend, oh yeah

You stand by me
And you believe in me
Like nobody ever has
When my world goes crazy
You're right there to save me
You make me see how much I have
And I still tremble
When we touch
And oh the look in your eyes
When we make love

You're more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you
And I don't know where I'd be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You're my best friend
You're my best friend

You're more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you
And I don't know where I'd be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You're my best friend
You're my best friend (my best friend)
You're my best friend (my best friend)

Your Loving Wife,
Ashley

May 7, 2006