Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Hello my love,

Happy Easter, baby! Another holiday has passed and with it more memories came bubbling to the surface. It really is amazing how many things you don't remember until something jolts it to the surface. I'm thankful though, thats for sure. Unfortunatly, I had to work this Easter weekend, so the girls were with Vic and Jonell. They really have been wonderful, taking care of the girls when I work. Jonell always tells me, she is my Wayne. The way the girls are with them on my days off, just like we had Amber and Ryan on your days off.

Work is still going great. Learning more each and every day. I love the guys I work for, they are terrific. They crack me up sometimes. We had to work BCR a few weeks ago with a bunch of different agencies. During briefing and roll call, this guy kept pronoucing everyones name wrong. Yes, he said our name wrong as well. "Keister", as in your rear-end? Yes, that got a laught out of the crowd. Soooo, Sgt has started calling me Keister. Everyone usually gets a nickname from something they did on a call or like you did from kicking in the door to that house and Lt called you Mule. Now, mine is Keister. Go figure! I thought they would forget it after a while, but when I came into work on Easter, there was a card in my box from the guys on my shift. When I opened it, it was a card showing the back of a bunny rabbit. You could see the ears, the back and at the bottom was his tail in bright yellow with a smiley face in it. I was thinking how sweet that was of them until I read it. I opened the card up and it said "Happy Keister". Cops NEVER forget anything. I can see this is going to keep up for a while. Such practical jokers, I tell ya. But, I love 'em anyway.

Jonell and I took the kids to the fair tonight. It has been raining off and on all night, so there was hardly anyone there. It made for getting on the rides alot quicker. All the girls had a wonderful time. Tomorrow we are going to Wet and Wild, if the weather permits. They are on spring break right now and we are trying to fill it with alot of activies. God forbid they get bored or anything, LOL. I did see a few of the guys there. I got a chance to talk to MC, Fred, Scott, Wayne and Bud as well as a few others. I really miss working with them. Although I'm at a different agency now, they will always be in my heart and will always be my family. We've all been through so much. People tell me all the time how much they admire my strengh. I have to tell you though, it's them I admire. I was not working that call with you. They were. I was not there in Paisley to see you after he took your life. They were. I didnt not have to put that uniform back on and go back out there, all while dealing with the loss of you. They did that. They have my deepest love and respect. Not only as part of my family but as a citizen of this community.

Well, I bought the plane tickets for Washington a few days ago. The National Law Enforcement Memorial is coming up next month and we're going back. I almost talked myself out of it but I think it will be somewhat different this year than it was last year. It wont be such a shock seeing your name on the wall. We may try to get in some sightseeing too. Who knows what will happen once we get there, though. I just remember crying alot last year and really didnt take in as many seminars as I should have. They are there for a reason and have really helped past survivors. Chris's name will be added to the wall this year as well. I want to be there for that, too. My heart breaks for Michelle. I know this coming month will be hard on her and the kids. I wish I could give her some words of wisdom, knowing I walked in the path she is going through herself. Each survivor of an officer killed has their own ways of dealing with the pain of their loss. I can't really say that some get through it easier than others because none of it is easy. We go through it because we dont have a choice. For those with children, we take on the rolls of both mother and father, breadwinner, coach, psychologist, referee, chaufuer, housekeeper and all around handyman. You make schedules and lists. Then turn around and re-write those schedules and make more lists. Sometimes its a little overwelming but we make it work. As each day passes, it adds to our strength. The more strengh we build, the easier the roles become. Wow, I feel like an ad for widows-r-us. But its very real and very true. Life is never easy. You have to work at it.

I love you baby very much. Please continue to watch over our babies and our brothers. Fill their hearts full of laughter and love. As always xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo.

Your Loving Wife,
Ashley

April 10, 2007

Dear Ashley,
I come here a lot to visit Wayne and read what is being said, I always visit the new ones that have recently gone to Heaven to give up the thin blue line to become a blue angel. Though it sadens me tremendiously, I continue to come and gain strength from all the kind words. My husband is a Deputy and was a great friend of Wayne's growing up. I worked with Wayne a short while and had a lot of respect for him. I wanted to share with you that your words you share with other victim families is very heartfelt. I can tell before I even read your name that it is from you. I just finished reading the LT. from Gainsville and thought it was such a great gesture for you to share your personal feelings and what you have gone through. I know that you have a lot going on in your life with work and the kids, but your words are strong and really help. I hope that you continue to leave those words of helpfulness to those in need. I can tell it is truly from the heart and if those in need called upon you, you would be there without hesitation. Stay strong!!

April 5, 2007

I come here alot to read what Ashley, Brandy, Amber and the many others who love you, have written. It is still so hard here with out you. I see the emptyness that we all still have without you here.
I tell Ashley all the time that I am her Wayne. Vic and I have Jamie and Jordan every two days when she has to work. I enjoy having them, but I know that with each day they are with us is another day without you. Unfortunally we do not get to see Amber and Ryan as much as we would like to. Life has been so busy, but we need to remember what we said after you died, and that is that life can be so short, so we need to take time with the ones that we love.
Amber looks so beautiful without her braces on. She is so beautiful, and grown up. I know you would be so proud of her. She helps Brandy out with the kids too, now that she is in school. Ryan is so you,I think thats all that needs to be said. I am so thankful that God choose Mike for Ginger, he seems to be so kind and loving to those kids. He is no replacement for you, but he is a great father figure to have in their lives.
My dad died on January 29 of this year. I am hoping that you were there to greet him at the gate of Heaven. I love him so much, but find comfort knowing that he is home with his Heavenly father and you. We stopped by the memorial in Washington DC with the enitre family on the way back from his funeral. So now all of our kids have been to the wall to see the honor of your name there.
People say that as time goes on our pain will lessen. Well I am finding that hard to understand. Our pain is still so real and new. We will go on as life does, but will keep your memory alive as much as we can. We miss you very much.

Jonell Koester
Sister in law

March 23, 2007

Hey baby,

Happy anniversary!!! As I sit at this computer, so many things are going through my mind. The morning of our wedding, when you kissed me awake and told me this day was the happiest day of your life. Our honeymoon, how much we wanted to stay there forever. The bubbles, oh lord, how could I forget all those bubbles. I promise I will never put bubbles in a Jacuzzi ever again. That was hysterical. Although on my behalf, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one to ever make that mistake. Poor maid service. I bet they were cleaning it up for some time after that.

Baby, it’s still very hard to be here without you. Waking up every morning and knowing that you’re gone. Knowing I can never hold you in my arms again and tell you that I love you. I deal with it the best way I know how. Laugh!! Laugh at everything. If something goes wrong, who cares, just fix it. If it breaks, throw it away and buy a new one. If it hurts, it means I am still ALIVE, and thankful "Aflac" hasn’t kicked me out yet. Grief can be like a huge ocean. If you let is consume you, you will drown in it. You have to keep yourself afloat with laughter, memories and love. Be thankful for everything and everyone you have in your life. You just never know!!

I miss you baby very much and I thank God everyday he brought you into my life. Even if we could have know what would happen and how hard life would be without you, I would do it all over again. I would marry you all over again, in a split second. Your gave me the best years of my life. Thank you, baby.

Keep watching over our babies. Guide their hearts and minds as they get older and stray further away from home. I know that we cannot always be there for the tough decisions but with you on their shoulder, I’m sure the decisions they make will be the right ones. Our brothers could use a little support as well. Show them some little signs that you are still there and are watching over them. I know some are still dealing with it the best way they can. I wish I had the power to ease it, if only just a little.

I love you baby and miss you very much. You are my heart and soul forever!!!!

Your Loving Wife,
Ashley

March 4, 2007

Hey baby,

Just thinking about you and wanted to say I love you and miss you very much!!!!

Ashley

February 26, 2007

Hey baby,
Happy Valentine’s Day!!!! I love you and miss you very much. Today, like every other special occasion or holiday is tough. I was in the store today getting stuff for Jordan’s class party. I stood and watched some others for a few minutes picking out cards for their loved ones. It was nice to see people pouring over them trying to find the right one that would tell their loved ones how they feel. It made me want to walk up to each and every one and tell them to treasure the time they have with each other, because you just never know. I’m so very thankful that I never threw one single card away that you gave me. Every card, every letter, every note (even the I love you note you stuck in the freezer for me to find)…they are precious keepsakes now and I will treasure them forever. You always had a knack for picking out the most perfect card that would always bring tears to my eyes. Well baby, I just wanted to tell you that I love you and think about you every day. Take care of our babies and fill their hearts with joy today. Please keep a close watch over our brothers and sisters, for some need a little extra TLC from their angel after losing Mike. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Your Loving Wife,
Ashley

February 14, 2007

Hey baby,
It's another sad day for us in Lake County. Although we did not lose a brother in the line of duty, we lost one just the same. Mike was killed a few hours ago on his motorcycle. I dont really know to many details and I must admit, I really dont want to know. The only thing I really know is that he died in the city he swore to protect and his fellow brothers are having to deal with working his crash as a THI. From our experience with you, we know how precious life is and how quick you can be called home to God. Still, when it happens, it is still a shock and hard to believe. When I had my day off the other day, I took the girls to dinner. Mike came by and we talked for a while about how work was going and how the kids were doing. One minute you see them and the next your having to say goodbye. However, it's really not good-bye because we will see you and Mike again. That is the one thing in life that is certain above all else.

Well, I love you baby. I'm going to get ready for work. Take care of our babies. Help our brothers and his family deal with this loss and give them the strength they need to keep going forward. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Your Loving Wife,
Ashley

February 11, 2007

Dear Wayne,
On you second birthday in heaven, we can't help but be thankful that we have guardian angels like you. We know you have been watching over all of us...your immediate family and your LEO family. Thank you and God Bless.

Wayne, we will always be grateful for the unselfish sacrifice you made. Now, we have your precious Ashley and our precious Melissa walking the beat, too. You have been such an inpiration to us all. We are proud to have known and respected you.

Ashley, you are an inspiration, too. We are so very thankful that you and the girls are safe from the tempest that invaded our peace. Melissa was on duty that night, too, and we sat by the nextel to hear from her. She watched over us, as we know she was watched over, too. The devastation and danger you two girls faced causes us to appreciate and love you both more. We cherish every moment we have with those who we love. Please always be safe. You have people who care about and love you.

May God and his angels always keep you close. Walk the beat with pride, endurance, safety, and love.
Lorrie and Mark

Sgt. Mark and Lorrie Chappell
L.C.S.O

February 10, 2007

Happy Heavenly Birthday!!!

February 9, 2007

The 2nd anniversary of your EOW has arrived and my thoughts are with your loved ones on this day. I know they have thought of you every hour of every day during the past 2 years and will continue to do so. Your loved ones and the Blue Family will never let you be forgotten and that is how it should be because you are a true hero. Continue to keep watch over your loved ones. Come to them in their dreams in living color and let them know that you are near and watching over them. You will never be forgotten.

Bob Gordon
Father of Michael P. Gordon, EOW: 8/8/04

February 9, 2007

How can I find the words to describe how this past week has been. Early Friday morning about 3:30 am, tornados devastated Lake and Volusia County. I was working that night and ended up responding to I-4 where a tornado flipped over semi’s and cars. I called Jill and had her keep an eye on the storm because we were literally sitting ducks out there. No where to go, no shelter or overpass close enough, in case another one came through. Jill called me back and said there was another one heading our way and I would be there within 5 minutes. We took the only shelter we could take, our cars. I know, that is the last place they tell you to be, but with hundreds of cars and semi’s backed up in traffic all around us, that was the safest place we could go. So, I sat in my car watching the wind and rain swirl around and prayed to you. I prayed for the drivers stuck in traffic, my fellow brothers with me and the victims that were on their way to the hospital. I prayed to keep them safe from harm and to get us through the night. As we all sat in our cars, the wind and rain stopped and it grew eerily quiet. Just like they tell you it does before it hits. The calm before the storm. All we could see was flashing emergency lights, trees down everywhere, and vehicles that were twisted and overturned. The only thing I wanted to do was tell my girls I loved them. So, that’s what I did. I called Jill back and spoke to Jamie and Jordan and told them how much I loved them, missed them, how proud I was of them and that I would see them in the morning. I had to make that call. We were not able to get that last good-bye from you and I wanted to make sure the girls had at least that. After we could only stand a few minutes of sitting there, we got back out of our cars and got back to work. You were there to keep us safe that night. You see, a storm cell did come right above us but didn’t drop another tornado until it was a few miles away. You spread your wings above us, protecting us. The night went on but the work didn’t stop. As soon as I got off work, I headed to Lake Mack so I could help in any way I could. The devastation was as bad as you anyone could possibly imagine. People were killed and had to be removed from their homes. The look in the eyes of the surviving victims was heartbreaking, so much devastation and despair. The same look family and friends had while they were trying to find their loved ones belongings or the small children trying to find their favorite doll. I specifically remember one man sifting through what was left of his home and found a small model airplane he built. I remember him saying he collected them. That was six days ago. Today is my first day off in seven days. We spent the weekend protecting the devastated area from thieves looking for an easy find. Looking for something they could steal and not have to work for. I work tomorrow night doing another shift of perimeter, but to me, it is worth losing the day off if it means protecting the victims.

In all that has been going on this last week, I looked at the calendar today and suddenly realized it was Feb. 7. In two days, you will have your second birthday in heaven. I was positively dreading this date approaching and now it’s almost upon us. So much pain that comes along with it and the memories that come to the surface. I am glad I will be working that night. It will hopefully keep me occupied and busy but I doubt it. My thoughts will be of you and all that we have shared together.

I love you baby and miss you so much. Please continue to watch over our babies and our family. Guard your brothers as they continue doing the work we love.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Your Loving Wife,
Ashley

February 7, 2007

To Wayne...You are a Hero!!..Forever!!...To Ashley, You are also a Hero..Your passion and devotion is an inspiration to all!!! I have read your reflections from the beginning and am inspired by your strength. I wish the best for you in your career..I'm confident you will do well..Wayne is watching over you...

Sergeant
V.C.S.O

February 7, 2007

To Wayne...You are a hero FOREVER.. To Ashley, You are also a hero. You're love and devotion is an inspiration to all. I have read your reflections from the beginning and I wish I could ease your pain. I am so sorry for your loss but I know that your strength will pull you and your familr through. You are amazing!!!! God Bless You!!

February 7, 2007

It has been 2 years since your tour of duty ended, you haved not been forgotten by those that love you nor will the Blue Family ever let that happen to your memory. I know your loved ones think of you every hour of every day and the silent tears from their broken hearts still fall. I have to magic words to offer to help comfort them except to take one day at a time. Keep Wayne's memory alive by telling stories about him to anyone who will listen and ask others who may have stories that you have not heard tell them to you so that you can cherish and pass them on to others. Wayne, keep watch over your loved ones and wrap your wings around them and help them with their grief. Appear to them in their dreams to let them know you are in their hearts and watching over them. You are a true hero and heroes never die. You will never be forgotten.

Poem by Richrd Fife:

No person is ever truly alone.
Those who live no more,
Whom we loved,
Echo still within our thoughts,
Our words, our hearts.
And what they did,
And who they were,
Becomes a part of all that we are,
Forever.

Bob Gordon
Father of Michael P. Gordon, EOW: 8/8/04

February 6, 2007

Ashley,
As soon as I heard the news of the tornado and where it hit I thought of you and your family. I hope all is safe for you and your loved ones. Know that my family and I are praying for you all through this most recent devastation and also as you approach the second anniversary of Wayne's death.

Denise Scarbrough, Surviving Spouse
Sgt. Michael A. Scarbrough EOW 2/9/05

February 3, 2007

Mrs. Koester and Kids, I hope you guys made it safe through
those horrible storms that hit yesterday morning!! I came
here to see if you wrote something to your husband about it, I hope you are all alright and I pray for you now and always

Lori
Wife of Brevard County Officer

February 3, 2007

So .. Im in school , also working my butt off and school is definately kicking my tail . Its coming up on 2 years here in a week , and I still have memories and sometimes dreams fill my sleep , with you pulling up in my yard to get the kids and me smiling at you , I miss having you to talk to , it was nice that there was someone who I could speak openly about the family and know you were on my side in agreement . Amber and Ryan , wow! Ryans , well hes Ryan and Amber is just so beautiful , I just love them so much . Jamie and Jordan are doing well too , I wonder .. when does the pain of not having you anymore lesson? Or if It ever will. Anyhoo , I love you and your missed , tulips are in season so your sure to have some coming your way from me , although Im sure where you are now is more beautiful than any tulip could ever be .

Brandy Koester

February 1, 2007

Ashley...where do I begin...I just read the reflection you left for the Florida State Trooper who passed away this month...I just had to come and find you and your hero...no truer words have ever been spoken than the words you wrote "few are brave enough"....they took this job because they loved it...as I always say "they didn't become police officers for the fabulous hours or fantastic pay"...they did for the love of the job...and to make a difference...I lost Drew just after you lost your hero...Drew was also 33 years old...and between us there are 4 children...it just felt like we were one in the same...Thank you for being so inspiring to someone else who is just beginning the journey...you are right..one day at a time...before you know it, you staring at the 2 year anniversary....but things are better....it used to cut so deep every month on the 19th, somehow this month it went by and I almost didn't notice....I know I am healing as I am sure you are...in time we will be able to look back on these first two years and say to ourselves "we made it"..."we truely are survivors"....my heart goes out to you today and always... much love and prayers, Chrissy

Chrissy Henley, surviving spouse
William A Henley, Suffolk PD, EOW 3/19/05

January 30, 2007

Hey Daddy,
Guess what, it's almost been two years and it still seems like it was yesterday. I got my braces off last Thursday, ah and I had professional pictures taken of me and Mommy, Brandy, and all my friends say I should be in modeling. what do you think? I think i'm going to go for it. Why not right? Everytime I wonder if I would be good enough to model.. I think about how you told me I am beautiful and I can do anything if I put my mind to it, and you are right. I also went to Acquire the Fire this weekend, and God really touched me! He was always with me but now I completely live for Him. You would love it, God is amazing. He has done so much for me, and now you are with Him and i'm sure it's more than you have ever dreamed of! I can't wait till I am a junior... it's getting close, and I am sooo excited! I love you and I miss you so much. When you left, I felt my entire life crumble. But God has helped me realize that I WILL be with you again, and you are in safer hands.. but I love you.
Daddy, are you my Guardian Angel?

Amber Koester
Daughter

January 30, 2007

The 2nd anniversary of you end of watch will soon arrive and I want to salute you for your dedication to law enforcement. Your loved ones have thought of you every hour of every day since you were called away and they will continue to do so for as long as they walk this earth. Continue to keep watch over them and those still out on patrol. You will never be forgotten.

Bob Gordon
Father of Fallen Officer: Michael P. Gordon, EOW: 8/8/04

January 22, 2007

Deputy Koester your second birthday in Heaven is coming up, I know your family and department misses you everyday.
I come to this site everyday just to read my sons reflections and reflections from other Officers. I happen to read one your wife left for another Officer and his family, it left me in tears.

I find myself on this site to read about the hero's and they are all hero's in my book. I write to Clint often because I miss him so much, as I know that everyone who has lost a son, husband, father, daughter, brother, sister....

Deputy Koester watch over your family, they miss you every minute of everyday, but we will never forget you. I have Blue Candles in my window that burns 24/7 you will never be forgotten in Ft. Walton Beach.

Connie Barker Fort Walton Beach, Fl
Mother of Clint Walker E.O.W. 1-14-04 Prattville, Al

January 22, 2007

Hey baby,

Your second birthday in heaven is coming up very fast. It's hard to believe you've been gone from us for almost two years. Sometimes, it still feels like yesterday. The pain still feels so fresh and the memories of that day, so vivid. I wonder if it will always be that way. On some days it hits me like a ton of bricks, but I push through them and continue forward. You have to, if not you'll drown in the sorrow. But, it's just still hard to be so far away from you. Not to be able to look into your beautiful hazel eyes and hold you close when I tell you I love you. You know, I remember the exact moment I gave you my whole heart and soul. That precise moment when I looked into your eyes and just knew. God blessed me that day, that is for sure.

Well, work is going great. I wish I had started this career years ago like I wanted to. There is just no better job in the world. I'm truly loving every minute of it. This past week was my final week in FTO. I got assigned a District and picked up my car. I spent the whole day organizing all the stuff I was assigned and bought to put in it. It felt so good, driving down our street and seeing another patrol car sitting in our driveway. I guess I should admit that I had some tears in my eyes, remembering your own car and the days we spent washing it together or the day you brought your new car home. The smile I saw on your face, as I watched you pull up to the house, will always be with me. Memories. The memories I will always have of you.

The girls send you big hugs and kisses. Jordan is doing alot better in school. She was having some trouble in math but has since overcome most of it. She won citizen of the month in school and was so proud when she brought her award home. Right now, she is selling cookies for her Brownies troop. I am waiting for her to ask me how many boxes I'm going to buy, lol. Jamie has already gave her two cents on that one. Speaking of Jamie, I received another letter in the mail for the United States Achievement Academy. Remember me telling you that she won the National Art Award for 2005. Well, Jamie has received another award but this time for " National Leadership and Service" award for 2006. I'm so very proud of her. Another accomplishment to add to her college resume. Amazing.

Well baby, I love you and miss you so very much. Watch over all your little angels and guide them in making all the right choices. Keep our brothers out of harms way and be their blue angel. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


"Luv of My Life"
Song by Jim Brickman

I am amazed...
When I look at you,
I see you smiling back at me,
It’s like all my dreams come true....

I am afraid...
If I lost you boy,
I'd fall through the cracks and lose my track,
In this crazy lonely world....

Sometimes it’s so hard to believe,
When the nights can be so long...
And faith gave me the strength
And kept me going on....

You are the love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me...
You are the love of my life,
Baby, put your arms around me...
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real....

My angel in the night,
You are my love.....
Love of my life.

Now here your are,
With midnight closing in...
You take my hand and as our shadows dance,
With moonlight on your skin...
I look in your eyes,
I'm lost inside your kiss,
I think if id never met you,
About of all the things I'd missed....

Sometimes it’s so hard to believe,
When a love can be so strong...
And faith gave me the strength,
And kept me going on...

You are the love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me...
You are the love of my life,
Baby, put your arms around me...
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real...

My angel in the night
You are my love,
Love of my life.

You are the love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me...
You are the love of my life,
Baby, put your arms around me...
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real....


My angel in the night,
You are my love....
My angel in the night,
You are my love...

Love of my life.

Your Loving Wife,
Ashley

January 21, 2007

I wish you were here , anothe drill weekend coming up , you should be here ,to run with , to drill with , to take me to the range in Umatilla. I hate this !

Brandy Koester

Brandy Koester

January 12, 2007

I love you daddy.
and I miss you terribly.

Amber Koester
Daughter

January 8, 2007

I just wanted to say, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Your Loving Wife,
Ashley

January 7, 2007