Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Bran,
We had a court hearing today. A whole lot of motions for nothing. Mostly to protect the rights of the defendent. I got a little angry though when the defense attorney said something about he didn't choose the death penalty, the state sought the death penalty. I wanted to stand up and say no your defendent chose the death penalty when he shot my husband and further what choice did my husband have, I didn't know that this was about choices. You would have loved it when the defense attorney slipped up and said when we get to the penalty phase of the trial. Almost like he is assuming his own defendent will be found guilty. Overall it was boring but also it made me angry because the defense attorney won't even say your name. He just kept saying a law enforcement officer was killed. He could at least have the respect to say your name. I mean it is a fact that you are dead, saying your name won't change that in anyone's eyes. At one point he said a man's life is at stake here (how cliche) and then added and one man's has already been taken. Geez thanks for noticing. After today I know this whole process will be long and hard. Just being there today took a toll on me. The whole system sucks. After 3 hours of listening to their legal mumbo jumbo back and forth banter, I left during the break. They had a handful of motions to hear yet but I just had to get out of there. The Victim's Advocate is going to call with the ruling on the continuance. I just want to know when the trial will finally happen.

Brian took me to the hearing. The boys stayed with Kathy. They both got in a bit of trouble. Ty overflowed their toilet. It was already clogged and he repeatedly flushed it. The water ran all the way out into the kitchen. Landon was throwing toys down the stairs. They were worn out. They didn't have naps. They were both good tonight though.

Sunday is Landon's birthday party. He is getting excited. He told Aaron today he was having a rollerskating party. We are going rollerskating with Aaron, Andrew, and Kathy on Friday. Landon can get some practice in before Sunday.

I got Kenny Chesney tickets tonight. I ordered them on pre-sale from the fan club site. We got pretty decent seats. I am taking Landon with me. He will be so excited. I can't wait to tell him tomorrow that we are going to see Kenny in concert. He will be beside himself. I will have to buy him a real cowboy hat to wear to the show. Missy is going to go with me again. I know I will have fun but it won't be the same without you there.

It has been a rough few days. I have been very emotional. Several times I just start crying for no reason. Several songs have made me cry. I am like a leaky bucket the past few days. I guess just so much emotional stuff has been going on the past few days. I had to miss my counseling appointment today because of court. Next week I will be in Vegas and will miss another appointment. I talked to her on the phone today but didn't really feel like discussing much. I was still trying to decompress after being in the courtroom all afternoon. Just looking at the jerk takes a toll emotionally. He actually smiled once and I wanted to rip his head off. He doesn't deserve the right to smile.

Missing you as always. Love you.

Sara

March 3, 2005

You were such a good friend of my husband's. He thinks about you often.

March 2, 2005

Hey Brandy,
Softball season is getting close this season will be very different without you being there with us. The team will miss you very much you were always a smiling even when we were getting beat. I will be contacting Sara, your mom and Dad and Cory asking permission to hold a softball tournament in your name. We miss you every day Brandy.


The P.J.'s & E.E. Johnson Softball Team
Aaron Mollett

March 2, 2005

Was thinking about you again today brother...

March 2, 2005

Miss you so much, God Bless

Dave

March 2, 2005

Bran,
Brian and Kathy came over today. They helped me organize all the files. The computer desk is finally cleaned off. No more paperwork laying on it. Next I need to balance the checkbook. Something I haven't done since you died. I know there is money in the account so I just haven't messed with it.

I was getting emotional today going through all those files. I kept seeing your handwriting on everything. It is strange to see it. It made me really miss you. I was looking at the paperwork for the first house we ever bought. The date was October 14, 1999. We actually bought the house the year before but the paperwork for the Honda Loan was Oct 14. I thought that was really strange.

I also found the receipts for the Kenny Chesney tickets. We bought them as Mother and Father day gifts for us. The concert was on July 9. We bought the tickets in April. Then I found the receipt for the George W Bush store. I smiled when I saw that. I saved all of those in a little pile of stuff for the boys. I also saved the invitation to Coral and Jim's wedding since that was the last official "date" we ever went on together. They found a picture of our last dance together. I have that also. I am going to put it with the invitation. I want to save all of this stuff for the boys so some day we can pull it out and I can tell them stories about the last few weeks we spent with you.

All of that stuff was on the computer desk downstairs. I haven't really been down there since I bought the new computer. It was hard to sit at that desk and type or do something because that is the last place that I saw you. You were typing on the computer and I was talking to your Mom on the phone. Then I asked to sit down. You let me read the letter. Then you said you were going to take a shower. I sat at the computer playing a few games. I heard the shower running, I heard you cussing trying to get your vest to go on right. I could hear you doing and undoing the straps. Then you came to the top of the steps. You paused when you said, "Girl I'm leaving. I Love you." I yelled back, "I love you too, talk to you in the morning." I never got that chance. When I came upstairs to go to bed that night I could smell all that colonge all over the hallway. I still pull it out from time to time and deeply inhale the smell. I used to complain about all that colonge you wore. How I wish I could smell that in the hallway once again after you had already left for work.

I finally pitched the big bucket of Vanilla Ice Cream I bought for you the week before you died. Nobody around here was eating it. I remember I bought the bucket because you were getting so mad about the carboard cartons of ice cream. They kept falling apart. You got so mad one night you pitched it in the trash then sat in the chair pouting that you didn't have any ice cream to eat.

I have to get ready for bowling. The boys wanted to go home with Kathy and Brian. They were having a lot of fun playing with Andrew and Aaron. I remember the first time we met Andrew and Aaron. We were living on Summitt St. We went to the park over by their house. Brian and Kathy had just returned from Russia with them. Tyler wasn't even born yet. I don't think I was even pregnant with him.

Love you and missing you as always.

Sara

February 28, 2005

Bran,
The officer of the year banquet was very emotional. All I could think was that I wished you were there to accept the award. You would have loved the plaque they made. It has your picture drawn on it. They also presented paintings to every officer. It was a very nice ceremony.

I was sick all day Saturday. I didn't do much of anything. It started on Friday night. Some medicine and several hot showers helped some. I felt much better today. We went to the COPS meeting and got all our registration paperwork filled out for DC.

I called Jenn tonight and talked to her for a couple of hours. We share so much in common. I told her I booked our room for DC. I can't wait to meet her in person. I know that you and Duke played a role in bringing us together. I am so glad that we can laugh together and share our pain at the same time. We each have our own way of dealing with this and no matter how that is it is okay for each of us to share it with one another. I think in our laughter we both bring up the good memories and times with you guys.

Our little guys are tucked in tight. They were both worn out when I got home. Nellie stayed with them today. They helped her with laundry. Landon was very impressed with his folding skills. He kept showing me how to fold towels and wash clothes.

They had to work on sharing Mommy time tonight. They were both laying on top of me at quite time. Neither wanted the other there. Landon kept telling Ty to get off his Mommy. Ty kept kicking Landon's hand whenever he tried to touch me. I was his Mommy. Ty fell asleep first so Landon got a little alone time with me. Not long after he was snoring away on my lap.

Ty broke my heart last night. I said something about remember when Daddy did that. He looked at me and said "My Daddy died." It broke my heart to hear that from Ty, he is only two. He shouldn't have to say that. I know he doesn't understand what that means but to hear it broke my heart in a million pieces.

Well it is late and I need to get some sleep. They are talking about snow tomorrow. Good thing I don't have anywhere to go. There is a pre-trial hearing this week. I plan to be there again. It seems there have been several events lately that have been taking a toll emotionally. Probably one of the reason I haven't been feeling so hot. I can feel the stress building up in my back again. It seems to manifest itself there. I thought I was really prepared for the Officer of the Year banquet but I wasn't. Accepting that award on your behalf and not having you to share it with was heartbreaking. I so wanted to see your smiling face up there, proud as ever. Alright enough I will never fall asleep if I start thinking like that. Love you. Missing you as always.

Sara

February 27, 2005

Bran,
The boys and I have been lounging around this morning. We were watching a Kenny Chesney special that I recorded. Landon had on a cowboy hat, his pajamas, and a hammer for a microphone. He was singing at the top of his lungs and saying he was Kenny. This special had Kenny singing "Lay You Down". It reminded me of the concert. We had so much fun. When we got home I dug out the Conway Twitty CD and we danced all over the kitchen to Lay You Down. I am taking Landon to the Kenny concert this year. He will be so excited.

They retired your unit number. It was actually a nice ceremony. Better than I expected. I let the boys help put the decal on the cruiser. Tonight is the Officer of the Year banquet.

Maggie is babysitting the boys tonight. She hasn't watched them in a while. I hope they are good for her. They are fighting really bad recently. If one is doing something the other wants to do it too. I do a lot of reminding to share and play together.

Chris came over for dinner last night. The boys love to play with him. They are such little show off's whenever someone stops by. We were both laughing at them. Landon looks just like you and Tyler was acting like you. Ty was laughing hysterically at himself and it reminded me of your laugh. He had a smile across his face that just about broke it in two. Tyler was laughing at Landon showing off and I thought of how you would laugh at something someone else was doing. I can see the picture in my mind right now.

I stopped by the cemetary yesterday. I need to check on the monument. One of those things I keep saying I am going to get done. I need to take another picture out to them.

Well Landon is in the shower and I need to check on him. Missing you as always. Love you.

Sara

February 25, 2005

Bran,
Well its been a while since I've written,we went to the ceremony yesterday.The decals on the cars look nice.I've been busy writing my paper about the C.O.P.S group,Im going to let sara read it before it has to be turned in.Im going with her Sunday to the Survivors meeting,hopefully I'll get to meet some of the wonderful people that have helped Sara through this. Ryan has been really busy being on first shift. Doesn't say much about work. He hates first shift so much!He would love to go back to third just like it used to be.He told me the other night that if he was offered third he would take it. I just nodded my head,i hate the thought of him being on third shift without you.Ryan knows this so he bribed me by telling me he would get me a puppy,not sure it will happen though.
I know Ryan came to see you about a week or two ago at the cemetary.I think he makes it part of his day now. The day after though he wrecked his crusier. He was going up the on ramp to 23 by Bob Evans and chomped on it and hit some ice.Ligts and siren blaring! Spun right down in th ditch. He said he sat there for a moment with everything running and of course everyone in shock as they are going by and he said he started laughing cuz he could just hear you giving him heck! He wasn't hurt just knocked the bumber off. Everyone at the office calls him Crash now! He was scared I know he was but he'd never tell me that!
Well I got to be going we have a meeting with the pastor this afternoon about the wedding. I'll write again soon.We love you & miss you so much.
BER

Amber

February 24, 2005

You may be gone....but you are always remembered each and everyday.

Ohio Deputy

February 24, 2005

Bran - The decals they put on the cruisers to honor you and Bender look nice. It means so much to know that they will never forget what you did for them. When I watched the news coverage of it, Logan was sitting with me and your picture came on T.V. and she yelled Brandy!, then she saw Tyler and she yelled Ty Ty, then she saw Sara doing the interview and yelled Sissy, Sissy. The funniest part was when your dad came on her eyes got big and she pointed and yelled PAPA. I laughed so hard. I called your dad last night to tell him. I think he got a kick out of it. As much as you think you prepare yourself to watch this stuff, I still cry every time I see stuff like this on T.V., I think because it still stings seeing your picture on there. Knowing that you are our family, our loved one. Not just another picture of a person, but someone we care about and love.

Everyone one at home is still sick, someone said to me the other day, you guys just need a new year. I said No, if I could do that I would go back about 5-6 months and make some changes. I wouldn't go back to just January. They laughed, but I meant it.

I got the flyer from the YMCA in the mail the other day for T-Ball. Hayden will be playing coach pitch this year, I don't know if Sara will sign Landon up here in Marysville this year, but it will be weird going back to those fields again and not seeing you out there with your COACH shirt on. You were so eager to help Landon learn. I checked with Landon a couple months ago and he still knows how to do the cup check so he is still good to play!! When he bowls and does well, he yells I'm the man! - You would've loved that one.

Well Bacon, we all miss you

Love ya,
Mis

Missy

February 24, 2005

Sarah,
We saw you on the news tonight. How strong you are (or at least how strong you show us you are). God Bless you and all you do to remind the community of what our law enforcement means. Stay strong and remember, any one can say what they would do if they were in your position, but noone knows unless they are there.

February 23, 2005

Bran,
We're all sitting at home. We have been on the go the last few days. I am still trying to find the perfect bed for Landon. It sucks to shop for this kind of stuff without your opinion. Not that we could ever afford to buy a lot of stuff like this but we always had fun looking. Geez what will I do if I have to put it together. It will be weird assembling something without you. I remember trying to put Landon's toddler bed together. You were cussing up a storm and swearing that all the pieces couldn't possibly be there. Landon was running all over excited to have a bed.

We were playing with Play Doh earlier today. I was thinking of the time I left you with the boys to go grocery shopping. When I left you were all sitting happily at the table playing with the Play Doh. When I got home the boys were off in another room playing and you were still sitting at the table. Sitting upon my table were several phallic symbols made from Play Doh. I still laugh about that everytime I get the Play Doh out. It was the only thing you could make out of Play Doh.

Later today they are putting decals on the cruiser and retiring your unit number. We will all be there. The Sheriff invited the media, make it a little circus event I guess. But at least it is getting done and that is all that matters. I agreed because it just needs to be done. Brian is picking me up to take me over. Kathy is coming to help with the kids.

Kathy and I discussed doing a bunch of stuff this summer. I am going to help her with her garden. The boys will get a kick out of that. I am going to get a Zoo Pass. She said she goes with the boys every couple of weeks. They explore one section of the zoo. I am also going to get a pool pass. Maybe take the boys a couple of times a week. I am going to wait until the fall to explore going back to school. I want to get through this summer first.

Missy and I talked about taking the boys to the new attraction at Cedar Point. They opened a new section this year. We only got to go there once together. I wish we would have had more opportunities for things like that. I got sick that day. I never get sick on roller coasters but for some reason I did that day. You made fun of me the whole time and called me a wimp. I didn't ride the power tower with you but I rememeber that pager. You forgot to take it off and it came off. The guy had all the pieces of it when you got off. Luckily it didn't bonk anyone on the head. You were actually laughing about it.

Well I need to make lunch for the boys. Tyler is jumping on the bed and counting before he falls down. He can count to ten now. (He skips some numbers sometimes).

Missing you as always. Love you.

Sara

February 23, 2005

Sara,

We have never met but my husband is a NJ State Trooper. I learned of this website last year when one of his classmates from the academy was killed. I view his reflections often and from time to time others. I learned of your husband yesterday and am truly touched by all of the reflections left for him. Especially yours. You are living the nightmare that all of us wives dread everyday. My husband has been involved in three near misses on the job during the past year - the last two being just this past November and December and I truly believe that his classmate's hand was at work protecting him. We too have two sons and I cannot even begin to imagine having to look into their two faces and telling them that their daddy would never be coming home. May God bless you and your sons and the love and memories of your beloved Brandy bring the three of you strength and peace.

Colleen
Wife of a NJ State Trooper

Colleen
Wife of a NJ State Trooper

February 23, 2005

Bran - Hey, I've been thinking about you all night. I'm sick and Kim came and got the kids for me so I could rest, I've been laying on the couch for an hour trying to fall asleep and I can't because I keep thinkg about you. Just remembering all the memories. I was thinking about Hayden telling the waiters at Olive Garden about you diving for that man in the water and not showering before you climbed into bed that morning. The look on your face was pure shock and embarassement. I felt so bad, but we all got a good laugh out of it. You looked at me like you wanted to choke me and I said Hey don't look at me blame your wife for that one!! I also remember at that apartment you guys had you were telling me that you were going to visit your friends who just adopted two babies from Russia. I never dreamed how important those two friends of yours would become to my sister and our family. They have been there for her and supported her through everything. Brian and Kathy are the most tremendous couple of friends that you gave to my sister.

Thanks for the life that you lead and the people that you always treated with kindness, you meant so much to those people that they have been there through the thick of it for your family.

I found some pictures of the kids playing T-Ball the other day, you were in them, I didn't know I had them, I think I will e-mail them to Sara and print a couple off to give to your mom. One of them is Landon batting and you were standing down on 3rd base but it was neat because there is Landon and you right behind him and that is all you can see, I know you will always be right there behind your boys like that, we may not be able to see you, but will know that you will be there.

Miss you,

Mis

Missy

February 22, 2005

Hey Bacon,
Hope you enjoyed the race today, a part of me really wanted to see Dale Jarrett finish up front, but I must say it was nice seeing that Hendrick power up front.
Until later....

J.J.

February 20, 2005

Bran,
The boys are bowling in the bedroom...right at this moment I must say thanks for passing that on to them. It is rather noisy. But they are having fun and taking turns. Whenever they get a strike they come running up to give me five.

The kitchen floor is messed up. I bought one of those scented oils and it leaked under the floor. It all bubbled up. Of course I had not a clue how to fix it. You always handled that stuff. Dad worked on it some. He had to cut part of it up. He is still working on it for me.

Brian is on vacation this week. He is going to help me fix a few things around the house and get some things moved in the basement. Thank you so much for Brian and Kathy.

Mom went furniture shopping with me today. I am looking for a new bed for Landon. He was very excited about it. I told him he could have a new big boy bed for his birthday. He really liked the bunk beds with ladders on them. But they kind of scare me because I am afraid one of them will fall off the top. I know every little boy would love a bunk bed. But I can't handle too many emergency room trips. I don't worry so much about Landon. But our little daredevil Ty worries me. He will be the one with all the battle scars. Your little baby boy is talking so much. He repeats EVERYTHING. Which is a problem with my mouth sometimes..... Your little sailor girl needs to watch her tongue or we will have little sailor boys.

The officer of the year banquet is this week. I will accept the award from your 3rd shift buddies. They are also putting decals on the cruisers this week to honor you and Bender. I don't think there are anymore awards or honors until May. DC will be an emotional trip. I talked to Jen the other day about the trip. We are going to get a room together. I think it will help both of us to be together during that week.

I saw the hawk today. It flew next to the car for awhile. I almost wrecked trying to look at it.

I need to get our little guys to lay down for quite time. They had a long day but they were really good. Landon is so excited for his birthday. We are having a skating party.

Missing you as always. Love you.

Sara

February 20, 2005

Sara,
I was brought to this site by the murder of a friend. I happened upon Brandy's page a while back and have read your reflections regularly.
You love was a bond bigger than this whole world. I thank you so much for letting us be a part of it.
I agree w/ you, the officers need more support on how to handle the death of a fellow officer. I've seen so many men broken by this, struggling to believe it wasn't something they could have provented or changed.
I hope that you know that when I send my officer out each night, I think of you and your family every time.
I know the pain is still deep and fresh, theres nothing that anyone could ever say or do that will lessen it, short of Brandy walking through the door. Just know that I pray for you, and send good thoughts your way everyday.
Bless you and bless your courage.
Give those boys a hug from all of us
Officer's Wife..

An Officer's Wife

February 19, 2005

Bran,
The boys both got on the bus at our house today. They were so cute together with their little school bags. Ty started crying after he got on the bus. Before he was all excited to go to school. Last night we were all laying in bed talking and Ty kept looking at me with his big blue eyes all excited saying, "I go to school". While I was laying there with them I started thinking of all the times we would lay and talk in bed. I was thinking of that little patch of chest hair you had in the middle of your chest. I really miss rubbing that little patch. I would play with that while we discussed something we wanted to do and you would have your arm wrapped around my back. Landon asked me to rub his back the other night. He is so much like you.

I spoke at a seminar in Findlay the other day. I spoke about my experiences with death, dying, and grieving. In the morning a woman spoke that teaches classes on death and grieving. I felt like she was talking directly to me about the feelings you have and the emotions that you go through. Lee also spoke on losing a buddy in the line of duty. I cried while I listened to him. He talked about the guilt he feels for what happened to you and all the things he thinks that could have been different. He told me that right after you died. He felt responsible because he was your Sgt. and you were his responsibility. I reminded him that he trusted you. That he knew you were a good cop and would ask for help if you suspected that you were going to need it. He knew that you always did a good job and he didn't need to check on you. He also said that in the academy and throughout his career it was pounded in his head that he could die in the line of duty. He was always prepared for that to happen. He was never prepared for how he would feel when he was the one left behind. I think that is the big problem. All these guys know it could be them and prepare for that. They aren't prepared to be left working the streets and dealing with their emotions after losing their partner, friend, or buddy. I hope they do more of these seminars. These guys need to prepare for this.

When I spoke I talked about October 14 and what happened. Later people asked questions. I talked about how people are afraid to approach me and don't know what to say sometimes. They always just ask how I am and how the kids are. I told that group of people not to be afraid to talk to the survivors. Don't be afraid you will upset us or make us cry. If we cry or get upset it's not because of something you said or did. It is because you are dead that we are expressing certain emotions. I guess it is easy to lose focus on that. You think I am mad, crying, angry because of something someone did or said when really it is just because you are dead and there is nothing we can do about that. So we focus our emotions on something or someone else.

I noticed in the morning everyone just stared at us and didn't want to approach us. After I spoke several of the cops there came up and asked if they could give me a hug or wanted to talk to me. It felt good to share stories about you and what happened. I told one guy how you used to volunteer to work security at the popcorn festival so you could get free beer afterwards. He got a kick out of that. Hopefully we bring death to the forefront of people's minds and they prepare for it if it ever happens to their department.

A BCI agent was on the panel with me. He talked about working the scene that day. He said it really got to him because he saw it as himself. He saw a duty bag laying there and a mag lite. I started crying again because that is all stuff that was a part of our lives. It was here everyday. The boys played with that flashlight while you got undressed. The car sat in our driveway everyday and now it is just gone. I don't get to see any of it anymore. It was just ripped from our lives like you were. I think of all that stuff and it just bothers me. I want it all back here with us. I think of how organized you kept all that stuff. How you would work so hard cleaning up your cruiser in the driveway. I thought about asking if I could see the cruiser but don't know if I could handle that. I think about that new vest that you had. How you were complaining a couple of nights before that you couldn't get it on right. A few days after you died the straps you ordered for it came to the house. I remember you telling me how that vest would protect you if you ever got shot and showing off that new vest to me. How ironic that we discussed you getting shot just a few weeks before you did?

Well I better get off here. I need to calm myself down before I go pick up the boys. I am taking them bowling with Hayden and Logan today. Missy needed someone to watch the kids.

Missing you as always. Love you.

Sara

February 17, 2005

Not a day goes by still that I don't think about you, buddy. One of these days I need to find out from Lovell, Dendinger, or Davidson where in Marion Cemetary you are so I can come talk to you. You know what an emotional guy I am, I couldn't even bring myself to come to your funeral and I really hope you didn't take offense to that. I did write your parents a letter and made sure they got it. I got to thinking of just after I got my dog and I brought him over to your place in Richwood and he and Gabby played and ran around while you and I laughed at them. We had so many good times, buddy. You saw me through some rough times and vice versa. I hope that your smile is one of the first things I see if I make it to Heaven, then I'll know I'm in the right place.

MC
Dublin, OH

February 17, 2005

Brandy

Happy belated valentines day. Just wanted to say hi. I was thinking about you, Sara and the boys. I can't believe that it has been 4 months. When will this ever get easier. Im not sure how Sara can do it. Everyone is missing you more than ever, that big smiling face, how could you not. Well i better get going just wanted to say hi.

Love Ya
Lindsey Wiley

Lindsey Wiley
Friend

February 15, 2005

To Brandy
My heart and my prayers go out to you and the Winfield family. Thank you for all that you have done. May God bless you and may you rest in peace.

Deputy J.Ronan
Licking County Sheriffs Department

February 15, 2005

Miss you man, can't believe its been four months..not a shift goes by that i don't think of you.

DCSO

February 15, 2005

Just thinking about you tonight Brandy. If it is going to get easier, I wish it would hurry up. Not a shift goes by without me thinking about you. We all miss you.

Deputy
MCSO

February 15, 2005

Bran,
Happy Valentines Day!!! We never got each other much for Valentines, but the little things we did meant so much. I usually made dinner at home. Something special for us. I got you a card. I pulled it out today and read it. I think I will just keep it. I thought about putting it at the cemetary, but decided someone might take it. I also didn't want it to get rained on. It was something private anyway. You always got me a funny card. I think last year the card had a rhino on it with big eyes and said, "I'm Horny". Jen can appreciate that one. We were talking about those little cards like that the other night. It got a laugh out of her which she needed.

I took the boys to the cemetary for the first time on Saturday. I had discussed this with the counselor in the past. I told Landon it was just a custom to bury people when they die. I showed him all the stuff people left for you. He wanted to know if you were going to come out of the ground. I told him, No. I showed him all the headstones and told him we would have one for you. We had some Scooby Doo valentines that he left in my purse for me. I asked if he wanted to give them to you. We left them on your grave for you. Hope you liked them. After we left Landon was a little upset he wanted his Valentine's day cards back. They are both lying in my bed, we were just talking about the Valentine's Day cards we left for Daddy. They are both happy about it now.

I went to the doctor today. He thinks I have carpal tunnel in my wrist. My elbow and arm have been hurting. Ironic I finally quit my job where I type all the time and end up with carpal tunnel. I have to wear a splint to bed at night.

It has been the longest and shortest 4 months of my life. So much has changed. I don't feel like the same person. Everyone talks about going back to NORMAL. Well there isn't a normal anymore. I am trying to make a new normal. It is so hard to make these decisions without you. I want your advice so bad. We always weighed all the options together and agreed on the decisions ahead of time. It seems so strange to do this myself. I am doing it though.

Missing you more than ever. Love you. Happy Valentine's Day in Heaven.

Sara

February 14, 2005