Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Sara,
I wish I knew you and could give you a big hug and be there to support you during this difficult time. Please know that I am praying for all of you. I pray for strength, peace and comfort and all the other things that God knows you need.
Take care of yourself.

CPD wife

August 20, 2005

Sara and family,

We are thinking about you during this most diffult time. Stay strong. Justice will be served.

August 19, 2005

The credit belongs to the one who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if they fail, at least fails while daring greatly. So that their place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

Terry Donovan
spouse of Amy Lynn Donovan Austin P.D. E.O.W. 31 Oct 2004

August 17, 2005

Sara please know that you and the boys will be in my thoughts and prayers as this trial takes way. Brandy will guide you through this. Stay strong.

Amy Caldwell
Marion

August 17, 2005

Brandy,

I wanted to leave you a note to let you know that all your brothers at Ontario are thinking of your family right now. Whatever it takes, Brandy, to make sure justice is served. There is no depth to deep or distance to long that we will not travel for you or your family. This is where the word Hero really comes to life. Of the waste of life that did this, he will be forgotten in the history of worthless life in some unmarked grave. You Hero will live forever in all of the things that made you such a special person. The blessed hope and peace in all of this is our separation is not forever. This is such an honest reality that we all can hold on to. You live on forever and those who knew you have such a great role model for our lives as officers. This is your story this is not about anybody else but you and we will never let anyone reduce you to anything other than a great husband, daddy,son,brother and special friend. Whatever it takes..............

Ptl.T.D.HILL
Ontario Police

August 17, 2005

Bran,
Another night I won't be able to sleep. It feels like everything is resurfacing from right after you died. I can't sleep, I threw up again the other night. I am so tired I can't stand it. I just wanted to come home today after the pre-trial hearing and crawl into bed. However the boys hadn't seen me all day. Landon had T-ball and I couldn't miss that.

Luckily Aunt Marilyn was able to stay with Tyler. He was a BIG GRUMP. He got mad at me because I wouldn't let him put on his swimming trunks with no diaper to go to Landon's t-ball game. He tried to hit me with the swimming trunks so he got sent to his room. Aunt Marilyn stayed here with him while I went to Landon's game. Landon was even feeling down today. I don't know if he is catching something or if he senses that I am drained emotionally and is playing off of that. He was dragging butt at his game. He was asleep on the couch by 8:30 and Tyler was out before that. On the way home he asked Where heaven was. That is the new question recently. Another hard one I am not sure how to answer. Is it in the sky?? I have tried reading one of his books that explains about the other place you go when you die. It is really good but I think a little beyond his comprehension. I will keep trying though. It is all I can do I guess.

I just don't know how I am going to make it through this trial. Both your mom and I were crying in the pre-trial today just at the mere mention of "photos of the deceased". I barely even heard any of the arguments after they said those words. I was in my own little world. All I could think was how all your dignity, your basic human rights have been taken away from you. Every ounce of respect that you so deserve, that any human being deserves was stolen from you when you were made a victim. As a victim in a criminal case you have lost basic rights that everyone cherishes. It is all about the accused persons rights. It has NOTHING to do with the victims of the case. You are nothing but a mere piece of evidence to the defense. I think they really wish everyone would just forget that you were a real person with hopes and dreams and the basic rights that every person deserves. You no longer get that in this trial. I just don't know if I can sit through this trial and listen to all this. It is already taking an emotional toll and it hasn't even begun.

Your mom whispered a comment today that she thought this trial was going to be worse than the funeral. I am starting to wander myself. After going through that I thought there was nothing worse I could possibly go through in my life. I couldn't possibly reach a lower point. But I just don't know. I will remain strong....I know I can do this. I won't let them forget that you were a person. You aren't just some piece of evidence. You had dreams, hopes, goals and a family that loved you very much. None of us will ever let them forget.

I love you. Missing you very much. I so wish I could ask you for advice about some of this right now...........

Sara

August 16, 2005

Bran
We were on our way to Ryans softball game the other night when a hawk came down and flew by the truck. Ry almost put the truck in the ditch. Ryan just smiled and said "He's keepin me on my toes!" We are starting on Ryans Deputy Room. One whole wall is dedicated to you, Ryans hero. Ryans back on third and loving every minute of it. Russ hurt his knee so ryan was moved to 3rd. Well I better go its 1:00am and I have to work at 10:00. Keep an eye out on everyone. Miss you and love you.

Amber Zempter

August 14, 2005

Bran,
It has been quite a few days since I last wrote. I have been keeping busy with the boys. Same as usual...T-ball and school have kept us busy. I don't know what I will do with myself when Tyler starts pre-school in January. An empty house all afternoon. What did we do with all our time before we had kids. I remember when we used to play Rummy at the apartment all the time. I haven't played Rummy in ages.

Today at T-ball Landon told us he was going to hit the ball way high up to his Daddy and pointed to the sky. He did hit it way high....hope you had on your catcher's mitt. We know you were watching.

I have a busy few weeks coming up. We have another pre-trial. This should be the last one and then the trial is scheduled to start. That will be a crazy emotional time. Your mom and I were discussing it the other day. We both just want it done with. We want to know that justice is done for you and have that part of this ordeal done with. She made the comment that she just wants to see him dead, but she probably won't be alive to see it. This is such a long process. He took your life in a split second but we have to spend years waiting for the same to happen to him. It isn't even guaranteed that it will happen. He may just spend life in prison.

I have been thinking about an impact statement. I don't think words can express the impact of murder on someone's life. How do you put in words how much Landon and Tyler want their Daddy back and I want my normal old boring life back? How do you put in words the depth of despair I feel on a daily basis? There aren't any words to express it. It is hard to explain that it isn't the big stuff that you miss...it is those little moments together as a family. I just don't have the strength to write it out right now. I know I need to work on it soon. It will just take an emotional toll doing it.

I have been having nightmares. I am wondering if some emotions are trying to surface. They have been REALLY FREAKY. I don't usually remember dreams but Tyler woke me up in the middle of one the other night. I remembered it and wish that I didn't. It is too freaky to even put on here but it has been bothering me. I can't get the images out of my head.

Landon is really into reading. FINALLY. I remember I used to lay in bed with him at night while you were getting ready. We would read books until he was tired. Sometimes you would come in and read a story with him. At first you told me you felt stupid reading to him....too macho I guess. You were always so cute when you read to him. Recently he wants to read the book to me. I read it first so he gets the story then he reads it back to me. It is funny because he makes up his own parts. Tonight they were screaming out the poem Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me. It was funny...They couldn't get the words down just right so Ty was just making ickle sounds over and over again. We have also been reading some of our grief books that people bought for us. One explains a lot about death. Landon was very interested in that book.

Landon is also playing Playstation now. He sat for almost an hour tonight playing a motocross game. He would scream with joy everytime he wrecked the motorcycle. Ty trys but isn't very good yet. We also have a bowling game that Landon loves to play.

Well it is late and I need to try to get some sleep. My back has been bothering me again. I have a hard time sleeping. It almost feels like the stress is going to my back again. Maybe it is time for another massage. Something to help me relax a little. I need to stop worrying so much about doing everything right and just enjoy life. I have such a hard time relaxing anymore. Comes with the territory I guess.....

Missing you as much as ever. Love you.

Sara

August 13, 2005

Sara,

I just wanted to say thank you for your posts here. I know a lot of what you write is personal and between you and Brandy, but I feel like I know your family and I think about you all every day.

Being able to relate to your life with Brandy helps me to understand and appreciate why my LEO husband, Jeff, does what he does. I just reread your first post and remember my own fights with Jeff about him putting everyone else before us, having to share him with the community, being upset because he chose to be out there, not home with me and our two boys. Knowing that I’m not the only one who has felt that way really makes a difference in the choices I make now and how I respond to things.

Your strength is amazing and heartbreaking at the same time. Taking care of your boys and just going on every day makes you a hero, too. I know Brandy must have seen the strength he knew you’d have if something like this happened to him and has to hate now how strong you have to be. It’s your strength that gives me the hope that I could deal with something like this happening in my own life.

I ordered an NLEOMF bracelet with Brandy’s name and I wear it all the time. I wait for people to ask me about it so I can tell them about your family. You continuing to post here and still sharing Brandy with this community keeps alive what Brandy loved to do.

You have all of my best wishes and thoughts.

Rachel, LEO Wife

August 13, 2005

Hey Brandy, Just wanted to say thanks for keeping an extra eye out the other day. I really think you were there watching over us :)

August 9, 2005

Bran
Just thinking about you the sheriff is going by right now, running lights and sirens just made me thinks of you, really I think of you all the time but I LOVE YA BRAN.

Kasey Williamson

August 9, 2005

Hey Brandy,

Take care of Big Ralph up there for us and show him around. I met him thru some friends not long ago and I know you knew him thru the Sheriffs Dept.

Keep smiling down....

Amy Caldwell
Marion

August 5, 2005

Bran,
Don't forget to give Cory a Happy Birthday tomorrow!! We all miss you so much!

Love,
Lindsey

Lindsey

August 5, 2005

Hey, buddy. As soon as you thought you were gonna get some peace up there, Ralph shows up. Isn't it always the way?
I can picture the two of you up there looking in on us and heckling us in our daily lives.

MC
Dublin, OH

August 4, 2005

Bran,
We have entered our tenth month without you. It doesn't seem possible. I mean how could it have been ten months, but yet it seems like it has been a million years. Your smell has faded from the one shirt that wasn't washed after you died. I tried to inhale it and it is gone. I still have your bottles of colonge. I let Landon put some on one day. He thought that was really special. But the scent that was you is gone from the shirt that was saved from the washing machine.

Landon had another t-ball game again last night. He did really well. There was a moment that Missy and I laughed because he looked so much like you. He was coming into home when the coach called a foul ball. He told Landon to go back to third base. He turned around threw his arms up and shook his head. It was funny. He looked just like you when someone told you to do something you didn't agree with. He had that What the heck are they doing?? look on his face. You would have loved seeing Tyler. He plays in the dirt the whole time we are there. He was covered in the dirt. Plus he had a snotty nose so he had snot covered dirt all over his face. He is all boy....Just what you always wanted. Parts of our dreams for our life are starting to come together witout you here to share it. Sitting at baseball parks watching the boys play.

Landon had counseling again. He really likes to go there and play. The counselor's room is full of toys. I could see some significant anger in his play though. He lined up a fire truck, a police car, and a medic truck then he shot them all with a tank. Probably innocent play but it seemed so significant to me. Especially since those are the cars that he saw at the hospital that morning. I don't let him pretend toys are guns at home but he turns anything into a gun.

Landon had a check up yesterday. He was in the 75th percentile for weight and the 90th percentile for height. I told him he was going to be just like his Daddy...Tall and Skinny. When we pulled in the parking lot he said, "Daddy used to take me here." It is so funny the small things that he remembers. Even Tyler will suprise me with memory of something every now and then. A lot of people told me that Tyler won't have any memory of you. I refuse to beleive that though. I think that he will. Of course I will make sure that I keep your memory alive. You will live on through all the stories everyone shares with the boys....I will never let them forget how much your eyes shined with love for them.

Missing you very much. I love you.

Sara

August 2, 2005

I haven't seen you in over ten years, but seeing your grave made me have to write you. I'm sorry I didn't know the man you became...just the nerdy guy from high school that used to tease me because I had a boys' name. :)

I was in town this weekend and finally stopped by to see your grave - it's the first time I've been to the cemetary to see you. It was surreal, actually. I guess I didn't really believe that you could be dead until I saw the grave. All these months I've kept my emotions at bay not thinking it could be true, but seeing it made me believe it...and it really hit me hard. Your headstone really is beautiful. Your wife did a very good job, and the pictures she chose looked great.

I'm so sorry for your family - that a wonderful, YOUNG man could be taken from his wife, children, parents and brother. It just isn't fair. I know you're with them every day, and I hope this gives Sara strength to go on. Your boys are just beautiful, and I'm sure they are a joy to her every day. Keep watching over them and sending them blessings when you can. Thank you for your sacrifice. You won't be forgotten.

P.S.
It's a girls' name!

Brandi

August 1, 2005

Brandy, I saw the stone today. It's beautiful! You would be so proud. Send your boys big hugs tonight.

July 31, 2005

Bran,
Landon is doing well at school. He seems very happy with his new teacher. He comes home everyday with paintings and drawings that he does in class. He really likes to pack his own lunch. Today he told me he would pack his lunch and I could pick out his clothes. I tell ya the boy can pack some peanut butter into one sandwich. He always tells me, "I just want half a samwich, with peanut butter then jelly".

He did well at his first T-ball game. They are all so cute. His team this year has some real go getters. They race to get the ball. There aren't too many kids kicking dirt or sitting down. Landon got to play pitcher. He got quite a few balls, before he would throw it to first, he would show us all the ball and talk to us. He also kept trying to slide into homeplate but did it when he was only half way down the third base line. Everyone got a kick out of it. He hasn't done the cup check yet, thank goodness. He seems to be having a lot of fun. He has grown up so much since last year. I noticed him several times interacting with the other kids and talking to them. I was happy because he can be so shy in those situations. He is becoming more social.

We also went to the Union County fair. The boys had a lot of fun. They rode a bunch of rides, checked out the horses (even talked some people into letting them pet their horses), and we saw the tractor pulls. Of course they loved it all. I let them play as many games as they wanted. Landon won 6 goldfish but given our previous experience with gold fish I took the little card to pick them up but never went back to get them..remember the one that committed suicide and we put him down the garbage disposal (okay I have a major case of the giggles over that because I had forgotten all about it). That stupid thing was all dried out on the counter when I woke up. It was because you filled the bowl up too much I know it was or he was just really tired of us I don't know which. Pretty sad that we had suicidal goldfish. Then the next year we forgot to float the bag and they were all belly up the next morning.

Tonight we went out with Missy to watch the Honda homecoming light parade. We never got to see that together. We always talked about coming down for it but something was always going on. The boys loved it but of course it involved motorcycles... Mom and Mike rode in it this year. When she went by she threw a huge bag of candy at us. The boys were so excited. On the way to the car Landon asked if he could see Mama to thank her. I said well no she is in the parade. He looked at me so innocent and said, "Is Mama marching?" I cracked up.

I met with his counselor the other day. Hopefully we can help him work through all he is going through. Tyler will only come to sessions occasionally to get him used to it. I don't feel he needs a whole lot of counseling at this point but I want him comfortable with someone in case a problem does arise.

I make sure to tell them a Daddy story everyday. Landon still sings your bath tub song every night in the bathtub. Wash Wash Wash all day long...Wash Wash Wash while I sing this song...Wash Wash Wash my...and you know the rest. I can still hear you singing it in my head. I smile everytime Landon belts it out. Tyler really likes to sing Where O Where are you tonight. I can thank your dad for that one...but it is pretty darn cute. He usually sings it at the dinner table with a mouth full of food so when the spit part comes he blows food half way across the room. Burping is also a way cool thing with both boys at the moment. They like to pretend they can burp like you used to do. They throw their little heads back to clear the way for that big burp to come through. Whenever Tyler burps by accident he gets a big grin on his face and says...Ohh I burped that was a good one, you hear that Mom. Still trying to be just like Daddy.

Missing you very much. Love you.

Sara

July 29, 2005

Bran - Just wanted to let you know was thinking of you and missing you last night. We took all the kids to the fair.. Hayden got his cast off today and he limped around but did well and got to ride some of the rides with the kids. They had fun. They all got on a roller coaster to ride it and Logan's first trip around she screamed so they had to stop and let her off, then Tyler wanted off because Logan got off but Landon rode and the look on his face when they would go around the corner was absolutley priceless. We were all laughing at him. He would be all smiles till they would get to that corner and then his face and neck would tense up. He got used to it though and ended up laughing the whole way through. Then they all split a dozen balls to throw in the cups for goldfish... yep they won 6 goldfish!!! Sara didn't take them though. It was pretty funny. We all also raced Nascar cars with waterguns and Sara just grabbed a spot and then looked at me and said look at my car - It was Dale Jarrett of course, that was pretty cool (was that coincidence or did you have anything to do with that? I think I know the answer). At the end of the night we sat down to watch the tractor pulls... I was telling Landon how we used to go to the tractor pulls at the Richwood Fair and how you loved watching them. He just smiled. It was a fun night. Wish you could have been with us. Miss you, Love you.

Mis

missy

July 28, 2005

Bran,
We had to miss Landon's first T-ball game. He is sick. They both had a stomach virus. So I had the extreme pleasure of cleaning up diarrhea from Landon's sheets at 12:30 last night. I had to bathe him, clean the carpets, and change the sheets. Then at 4:30 am Tyler woke up crying. When I picked him up he puked down my back and in my hair. Tyler is better today but Landon is still pretty sick. He also had to miss meet the teacher night. I went over and talked to his teacher. School starts tomorrow for him. He has a new teacher this year. I filled her in on how to react when Landon starts talking about you. I told her we have been very honest with him and that he does occasionally talk about it or ask questions. I just don't want people to get upset or shocked when he talks about it. It can be so heartbreaking to hear him. At times it is hard for me to hear it and I am with him everyday. I almost started crying tonight when I was talking to her. I managed to hold back though.

Tyler is working on potty training some. I haven't been forcing it too much but he doesn't do bad. Tonight I caught him peeing in the dog bowl....Oh boys. I know you would have cracked up laughing at that one.

Both the boys are wrapped up in blankets and watching TV. Tyler is yelling for me to come lay down with him. So I must be going. It has been CRAZY around here so I haven't had a lot of time to write. The fair is this week, Landon starts school, T-ball just started....life keeps me going.


Love you, miss you very much.....

Sara

July 26, 2005

Brandy,
Happy belated 30th! I wish I could have met you. When I read these reflections I see how many lives you touched. That is a real accomplishment.
Sara, I saw you at the Clippers game with those cute boys of yours. You have your hands full! I just wanted you to know how much I truly admire your surviving and loving spirit. Your boys are blessed to call you mama. I pray for all of you everyday. Take care of yourself.
CPD wife

July 22, 2005

Well Bran I am just a little late but I wanted to wish you a Happy belated Birthday OLD MAN!!!!!!!!!! ha ha. Ya no I think about you all the time. The wet spot opened back up last week and I was in there and I tell you the craziest thing happened, I looked over to the bar and there was a guy standing up there and I am not kidding you he looked just like you from far away, I had to do a double take. Bran I miss you so much and how you used to give me all kinds of a hard time. You know Landon is a little Brandy is descise, the little guy looks,acts and talks just like you do.
Well I gotta go Love Ya and talk to you later.
Love Ya
Kasey

Kasey Williamson

July 20, 2005

Bran,
Landon had T-ball practice again tonight. He is really starting to come out of his shell and interact with the other kids some. He is also catching the ball and using two hands like you always taught him. He still isn't holding the bat the correct way. But he hits the ball really far. When we were leaving tonight he told me he wanted to hit the ball way high....all the way to heaven so Daddy could catch it. So look out a baseball may be coming your way.

We celebrated your 30th last night. We had dinner. Then blew out candles on a cake that Landon picked out. He got one with pink roses sorry about that but that is what he wanted. Then we let off balloons to heaven. Logan and Hayden helped with the balloons. Sure do wish we could have had the big party I wanted.

Missing you as always. Love you.

Sara

July 20, 2005

It's your 30th birthday Brandy. Hope you got them balloons the boys sent up to you earlier today. Please continue to keep watch over your family, friends, and co-workers from above and may none of them ever walk alone. And to Sara, I am thinking about you like I think about you every day. Thanks for everything as always.

Love,
Jenn

Jennifer Aaron
Wife of Ofc. Duke G. Aaron, III (EOW 07/20/04)

July 19, 2005

Brandy,

Happy 30th Birthday!!! We went to the cemetery to wish you a Happy Birthday tonight. It was very emotional, Tom misses you so much. There isn't a day that goes by that we do not think of you in some way.

Tom & Sharon Bice

Tom & Sharon Bice

July 19, 2005