Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Happy NEW YEAR Bacon, it will be another tough year without you but everyone is strong so I know we will all get thru it.
Miss ya Brother

December 31, 2005

I MET YOUR FAMILY IN DC LAST MAY. WE TALKED BRIEFLY BUT I CAN STILL REMEMBER THEIR FACES AND THE EMOTIONS THEY FELT. WE WERE THERE TO HONOR ONE OF OUR OWN WHO'S FATE YOU SHARED. AS IT WAS, WE (AND THOUSANDS OTHERS), HONORED ALL OF YOU, BECAUSE WE ARE ALL FAMILY. " FRATRES, QUOD IN VITAE SPATIUM AGIMUS IN AETERNUM RESONAT"..."BROTHER'S, WHAT WE DO IN LIFE, ECHOES IN ETERNITY" K3483

DEPUTY
MARION COUNTY FL

December 29, 2005

Sara,

I just wanted to tell you how amazing you are to be so strong this time of year. It is so touching reading about your kids and them growing up, and how you keep Brandy in their lives.

I'm not sure if you read everyone's posts, and I hope I'm not being too personal, but -- did you ever get the drawing of the hawk left for you at the wall??

Just curious...

Good luck on your New Years Eve party!

Ptl.
Glassboro, NJ

December 29, 2005

I know who holds the future,
And I know who holds my hand;
With God things don't just happen-
Everything by Him is planned.
-A. Smith

LDUB

December 27, 2005

MERRY CHRISTMAS BRANDY- THINKING OF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY TODAY.

December 26, 2005

merry chrsitmas brandy, sara and the whole winfield familt!

DJ (CPD Med. Ret)

December 24, 2005

MERRY CHRISTMAS Bacon

December 24, 2005

MERRY CHRISTMAS...

Officer Jim Gilbert
CPD

December 24, 2005

Bran,
We had Christmas with Dad at my house tonight. Sure missed you a bunch during it. Not that you were ever off work to join us much anyway. It is just celebrating with family when I miss you.....Christmas Eve at Mom's will be strange. I seem to miss you more this year than last. Just getting through the day was so hard that I didn't think about it. I was so numb last year. I guess not that anytime is easier than the rest. I just feel it more this year I guess. It seems now that a year has passed that those moments just creep up on you. I spent so much time preparing for them last year that I was ready. Now I don't mentally prepare myself for them and it just hits me. Wow I miss Bran right now. While Tyler was opening his presents tonight, I thought God Bran would get a kick out of this. He was so excited. I have never seen a child rip through a present so quick. Landon is in the Wow look at this and toss it stage. Dad got them remote control cars that were a huge hit. They were all fighting over the cars. I said, "When there is a fight over a toy you know it's a good gift!!!"

I know Dad sure misses you. He never says much but every time I talk to him he talks about stopping at the cemetary to check on things. I don't make it up much that way in the winter. I hate snow and cold so much. I bought a wreath to take up for Christmas. The boys picked it out....It is SO UGLY. But it is the one they wanted. When we went into the flower shop to pick it I asked the lady where the grave blankets and wreaths were at. Landon said, "It's for my daddy!!" The lady got tears in her eyes and I almost started to cry. You know me I had to quickly find my sense of humor to control myself. The boys were playing with a frog that croaked everytime you walked near it. I told the woman, "Well we will be back to get that this summer. Maybe we can put it on Bran's grave. It would be fitting to his sense of humor that a frog croaked at someone everytime they walked past his grave. It would be even better if it scared someone at night." She started laughing. At that point Tyler belted out his ABC song. I laughed and said, "I have the only children around that are learning their ABC's from the back of tombstones.' She laughed and said, "See Daddy is still teaching them things."

You were always so good to Dad. You were like his buddy. I remember a couple days before you died he came over to help you fix the dryer. The boys were being rotten. I was baking cookies. I was just about to choke them when I saw you car turn onto our street. I yelled, "Here comes Daddy." Both the boys ran to the window and jumped up and down. You came in the back door. You started talking with Dad. You and the boys ate all the cookies from the tube and ignored my homemade cookies. I teased you about it so you took one of my homemade cookies just to make me happy....You and Dad worked on the dryer for a bit. He had to order a part for it...It never came before you died. Whirlpool donated a new dryer to me after you were killed. The day you died someone came in and took all the laundry that had piled up because the dryer was broke. They washed all your dirty clothes. I didn't even realize at the time that I would care about that later. After the funeral I found them in a garbage bag in the corner of my room. I remember I was so mad. I know they meant well but your smell was gone from them....They didn't know what to do with your dirty clothes and they didn't want to leave them out in case I would see them. I don't know I guess you just don't know how you will react to some things. It was strange that I wanted your dirty clothes. Now all I have saved are the important clothes that I think the boys would want someday.

I know the stress of everything is getting to me. I can't sleep, I have been awake until 4 and 5 every night. I try I just can't. Then I have dreams that keep me awake. I need to get some sleep or I am going to wear myself down.

I went shopping with Marisa and Krissy the other day. We had a really good time. We just bought stocking stuffers and miscellaneous junk. We laughed ourselves silly about this site. All I can say is Mmmbop.....we couldn't stop laughing. It is nice to have someone that shares my sick sense humor.

I am having a New Years party this year. I love hosting parties now. I am the hostess with the mostest...yeah right. But we have fun. I can't wait, I am really looking forward to it.

Landon and Tyler pulled a good one on me today. They both announced that they want Santa to bring them Batman watches. I went to K-mart in a frantic search for batman watches. I couldn't find one. I told them that they waited too long and Santa already got all their gifts. Whew....Tyler won at the crane machine again. He got a reindeer on candy cane this time. I just couldn't resist the other day. I found a tiny pink Dora purse and bought it for him. I know he won't really play with it, once again just my sick sense of humor. Aunt Marilyn bought him some Dora toys. She brought them over today. He was soooo excited. He came running over and said, "Look Mom baby jaguar!!!" He even knows the names of all the episodes now....Yikes that kid is watching too much Dora. He is becoming a junkie. The other day when we were running errands he got tired and fussy. He said, "I just want to go home and watch Dora on my couch downstairs." He watches Dora at naptime everyday.

At K-mart today Tyler announced very loudly that he had to poop...He not only announced it once but several times. We went to the ladies room. He decided it stunk in there. He ran out and before I could catch him he was in the men's room. I knocked on the door and some guy was in there. I was standing there like a goofball holding the men's room door trying to convince Tyler that he had to come and use the stinky women's bathroom. He finally came out but refused to go back to the ladies room. We went back to shopping when he loudly announced once again that he still had to poop. We made our way back to the ladies room which was smelling a bit better. Apparently enough that Tyler would use it this time. I know the lady in the stall next to us had to be holding in her laughter at our conversation. Tyler is going on and on about here it comes, wanna see Mom, here it comes. I am trying to encourage him since he is potty training and praising him for what a big boy he is. He loudly announced that it was finally out and then wanted everyone to come see. I forgot to tell you the story about one of his first times on the potty. He made me set in the bathroom with him. Once again he was giving me the play by play (like father like son I guess, only I control the amount of paper he is allowed to us) anyways...a little poop came out. He got a big WOW look on his face, he looked in the toilet and said, "Oh it looks like a helmet!!" I said, "Yeah it does are you all done?" He grunted, "NOPE" We waited a few more minutes and another one came out. I said, "Wow, what's that look like a helmet?" He looked at me matter of factly and said, "No Mom that look like poop.' I laughed myself silly at him. He is so funny. He would laugh so much at this child. He is so much like me that it is crazy.

Well I better try to sleep. We have Christmas Eve at Mom's house tomorrow night. Missing you very much. I love you.

Sara

December 23, 2005

Bran - I just had to write to tell ya, I took Tyler shopping Saturday for Sara's christmas gift from him. Landon wouldn't come with me. I'm taking him later today. Anyway, we go to the mall and as soon as we walk into JC Penny's he sees purses and wants to get her a purse. I said Well lets shop some and then we'll come back if we don't find something you like - we go through most of the mall and he is still adamant about getting her a purse. So we go back to Penny's and he picks out 3 different purses. Finally he settled on a coral colored purse (we had neon green, orange and black to begin with so we improved a little) All the way home I tell him when Mommy asks what you got her you tell her None of your Business. So I finally have him saying None of your business. We walk in the house and Sara comes up and says Hi Tyler did you have fun shopping with Aunt Missy and he looks at her and says, yep I bought you a purse!! That little turkey. It was soooo funny. I thought you would get the biggest laugh out of that one. He is something else.

I had to bribe Landon to come with me, he said he would only come if I would take him to McDonalds. "Then right back home" So I told him I would take him to McDonalds, shopping and then right back home. We'll see if I can get him to come - he has been attached to Mommy's hip lately.

Yesterday at Rick's grandpa's funeral we were approaching the cemetary during the procession and I saw this really pretty hawk fly right over our truck and it was almost if it had paused a second. It was kinda strange. I thought of you immediatley then I started thinking again and thought about how the whole Hawk thing started and that is the tale of the Hawk carrying the spirit to heaven. I had to wonder if that was what was happening....

Whatever the case I'm sure he will show us his spirit as you have several times to let us know he is watching from above.

Will let you know how shopping goes with Landon.

Love you,
Mis

Missy

December 20, 2005

Brandy,

we never had a run together, yet we were related, i shed the shame blood as you did,

i cried the same tears you did,
i worked the same nights you did,

i missed the same birthdays you did,
what it is that i can say,

i had to protect the rest as you were, although you were called home as soon as you were, i dont know why, yet still i cry.......but one sunny day i finaly figured out why.........

you are a hero, that much we all know, you did your job, yet we were robbed, he lies in wait, while we wonder fate, what waits us next???????we all must wait!!!!!!

for in the end, good will win, and for our fate, we all must wait!!!!!!

DJ
(Med. Ret.)

DJ (Med. Ret)

December 19, 2005

Hey, Chief. I had a flashback today at work about you doing your Fire Marshall Bill "Let me show ya sumthin'!" routine.
Man, I was in stitches for a good 10 minutes thinking of that today. You're still very much missed, buddy. Man, what I wouldn't give to have you do a Christmas-themed fire safety presentation for us all in your Fire Marshall Bill persona.

MC
Dublin, OH

December 19, 2005

Sara,

Happiest of holdays to you, Landon and Tyler. Everyone who checks into this site to see how you and your family are doing wish you the warmest of holiday wishes. I will say prayers for you this season hoping you will get through it as easily as possible.
Merry Christmas...

LEO Wife
LYSO, KANSAS

December 18, 2005

Bran,
It has been crazy. The holidays always are crazy around here. Your mom had her annual babysitting party yesterday. Tyler cracked me up when he was opening his presents. He is going to be so much fun to watch this year. He kept saying, Oh look, Wow!!! It makes me so sad that you only got to watch him one Christmas, one birthday....

Landon isn't going to wrestle anymore. It was just too hard for him. He didn't understand the moves. I think it was just too much for his age. He was really upset when the other kids took him down. He brought home a paper for a soccer clinic that starts next month. Tyler can do it too. I signed both of them up for that. They are both really excited. Yeah I know you hated soccer. However we always said we would let the kids try anything they wanted. Soccer is the really big thing now. I think it is more popular than baseball with kids. Yeah I know a blasphemous statement in your family.

I have been pretty depressed. I have a hard time getting myself to do stuff. I know the time of year is weighing heavily. I try to pick myself up and just keep moving on. The boys make it worth it. I don't know how I would continue on without them. They make me smile all the time....

Tyler can say his ABC's now. He is so cute when he sings them. He starts school next month.

We didn't get to make Christmas cookies this year. Missy wants to do it Thursday but the boys are going to be with your parents. We will still make a few sugar cookies at home. We have to continue the Winfield tradition and leave sugar cookies and a beer for Santa.

I received a few e-mails recently that made me laugh myself silly because you would have loved them. One was just like you and me. It talked about the differences between a man and woman showering. I sent it to JJ and he responded saying it reminded him of you. Another one was pretty offensive, considering my former occupation. However I know you would have laughed yourself silly. I can see the image in my head of you laughing so hard your body shook and no sound came out.

After your mom's party I stopped at the annual G&J party. It was nice to see everyone. Matt is skinny as can be, you wouldn't beleive it. Listening to everyone talk and bs really made me miss you. You loved stuff like that. Just drinking some beers with the guys, enjoying some food, and talking crap. You were famous for, "OH I got one even better for you..." I would roll my eyes because I had heard all your stories a million times but I still loved it. What I wouldn't give to hear another one again.

Love you very much. Missing you more than ever.

Sara

December 18, 2005

Sara, I'm glad to read your words here and know that you have found this site and see how much your husband was loved and will ALWAYS be remembered and honored. I wish all family members, spouses, children, and friends could find their way to this site when they've experienced such tragedy. I cannot imagine nor comprehend the pain you have and continue to go through. It's hard to make sense of any of it. I won't pretend I understand and I won't give you the typical "he's in a better place" comments. I'm just very sorry for your loss and the circumstances of that loss. I'm sorry your children had to lose their father this young and this way. I hope and pray that spouses and children especially of fallen officers are protected and comforted all year long, particularly during the holiday. I remember your husband everyday and say a prayer for you and your boys. I kiss my fiancee goodbye knowing it could be the last time and because of women like you, I will never taken a moment for granted. God bless you and be with you and carry you when you simply cannot walk on your own. Brandy is up there with Pete and I know they are going to have a big Christmas. I know they have talked with God and made sure we'll all be ok, but it still hurts. Be careful everyone

LEO fiancee and friend of Peter Grignon EOW 3/23/05

LEO fiancee
LMPD, Kentucky

December 17, 2005

Thinking of you and your family during the holiday season. I know you are watching over all of them and are VERY proud.

Landon and Tyler~ I hope Santa brings you everything that you had on your lists!!

Sara~ Stay strong. You are truly an amazing woman with amazing courage.

December 16, 2005

Bran - Well Rick's grandpa joined you today. I told him on Monday when I seen him that when he got there to tell you we said Hi and that we miss you. I know you guys will watch over us especially during this time. You'll probably both sit up there and laugh at me and my silliness down here. He was always good and that and so were you. He always teased me and I know you guys will get a few good laughs at me while I'm still here being goofy.

I'm taking the boys Christmas shopping for Sara sometime over the weekend. Just to get her a couple of things from them. I know they enjoy giving presents to their Mommy.

We had a ton of snow today. Hayden played in it all afternoon. We went through about 3 pairs of jeans that he soaked. I think Santa will be bringing him a snow suit and some snow boots probably so he will be all set after Christmas....so we probably won't get any snow then. But if he gets a snowboard for Christmas, he will get to use everything...yeah I'm going to take him to have a few snowboarding lessons and I am going to learn to do it with him. That is probably one of the laughs you will get from me...imagine me on a snowboard. If I'm not careful I might end up joining you guys. You know me the Queen of Klutz.

Well it had been a while since I wrote and I wanted you to show Grandpa the ropes up there. Take care of him and show him all the awesome things there are to see up there. Since he'll be spending his first Christmas there, I'm sure it will be amazing for him....wish it could be for us. Some day it will be good again. Tell him we love him and will miss him.

Love and Miss you.

Mis

Missy

December 15, 2005

Brandy,
Merry Christmas. Please be with your family during the holidays. I still think about them every day, and I will continue to keep them in my prayers. I am sure you will be watching Landon & Tyler rip threw those presents Christmas morning. Enjoy Christmas in heaven, I bet it is a magnificent site.

LEO Wife

December 14, 2005

FOREVER 29! REST IN PEACE BLUE ANGEL!

December 9, 2005

Bran,
We had the blue light remembrance Saturday night for COPS. I had a really good time. The boys had fun. They were pretty clingy at first. They got a little better through the evening. Santa came to visit. They loved that. Landon helped with the auction. He modeled the items. There were a lot of people that came this year. I spoke at the blue light ceremony. In the middle of my speech Tyler decided he needed me. He came running up. I picked him up to hold him while I spoke. He started making noises in the microphone. I couldn't help but laugh.

I got the basement cleaned out. I organized all the stuff I am saving for the boys. Now you can actually walk in one corner. You were such a pack rat. You saved EVERYTHING. Some newspaper clipping you had 3 or 4 of the same one. I am going to do a scrapbook of all the clippings you kept. Like your Grandma Adah had. It will be a little easier for the boys to read them that way. A project for another day.

Tyler starts pre-school in January. He will ride the bus with Landon. There was an afternoon opening too. At first they didn't know if they could get him in on the afternoons. We have been working a lot of potty training. The other day I asked if he had to pee, he said, "Nope my pants aren't wet." I had to laugh he is so logical at times. I had to explain that you want to go potty before your pants get wet.

Landon got hurt at wrestling the other night. Some older boys were horseplaying and ran into him. I noticed him setting alone so I went to check on him. As soon as he saw me the tears started rolling. He said, "Those boys hit me." Now he doesn't want to go back. Last night when we pulled up to practice he said he didn't want to wrestle there. He did it but when I took him to the bathroom he refused to go back out on the mats. Unlce Rick came over to help him. Rick used to wrestle in high school. Landon was so excited to wrestle with him. We will try again on Thursday. He tells me it is too hard. Maybe he just wasn't made to wrestle. We'll keep trying to see how he does.

Missing you very much. Love you.

Sara

December 6, 2005

Just wanted you to know that we still and will always miss you. Give your mom, dad and boys a BIG holiday hug!

December 5, 2005

I am glad to see the person who did this get seccenced to like he took a father way from his kids a husband away from a wife son from Mother and father (and brohters and Sisters)?

November 29, 2005

Bran,
We put the Christmas tree up in the living room. This year we are doing at least 2 trees. The one in the living room is all blue decorations with blue lights. It is really pretty. Landon helped. He was so excited. He went shopping with me. He helped pick out some of the decorations. Ty went shopping with Mom.

When Tyler got home he told me he wanted to watch Diego Dora. I told him Mama had it, he picked it out for Christmas. He said, "IT IS MINE, I BOUGHT IT, I WANT IT NOW." He is so determined. Just like me.....

Landon was so excited last night. I woke up three times to find him under the Christmas tree asleep with the lights turned back on. Each time I carried him back to his bed, as soon as he would wake up he would sneak right back down. He thought Santa would come last night. He woke me up once to ask if Santa was bringing him presents. He drew a picture for Santa and told me he wanted to tell him Thank you and your Welcome.

We went to see Santa at the Mall last week. They got their pictures with him. After we got up, Landon said, "I fogot to sing him my song." He ran back over and belted out the cutest version of Jingle Bells. I asked him what he wanted last night. He wants a truck that sings we will rock you (which he sang to me), something for Tyler, a new Gabby and Bacon, and anything else he could rattle off that was in sight.

This morning Tyler was playing Polar Bowler. He looked at me and said, "Go Bucks, Beat Michigan." Can you tell he spent the afternoon with Mom yesterday. I made him call Mom to tell her. It was comical.

Mom, Missy, and I went on our annual shopping spree at Jeffersonville. Last year I couldn't do it. Mom and Missy had to bring me home after two hours. This year we had fun. I did feel a little depressed in the Tommy store. I saw so many shirts you would have loved. I saw one like you had and wore all the time. We had a few laughs at your expense. Mom talked about how the first year we met she bought you all Tommy clothes. The last Christmas together, you wanted Wrangler Jeans for the farm.

Well I am off to finish cleaning the basement. I got through all the clothes, sent the ones too small home with Marilyn. She can use them if JT comes to her house when he is older. We are going to tackle the corner with all the stuff piled in it now. I also have one more tree to decorate.

Love you. Missing you very much.

Sara

November 29, 2005

Homesick
(By Mercy Me)

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times, and at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you.

But the reason why I'm broken the reason why I cry is how long I must wait to be with you.

I close my eyes and I see your face. If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place.

Lord won't you give me strength to make it through somehow, I've never been more home sick than now.

Help me Lord because I don't understand your ways. The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know.

But even if You showed me; the hurt would be the same because I'm still here so far away from home.

In Christ there are no goodbyes, In Christ there is no end.

So I'll hold on to Jesus with all that I have....

To see you again.

November 28, 2005

I have been reading some of the reflections left by people who knew you. I can't help but feel sadness in my heart for you and them. It's been over a year since you were taken from your family and friends and no matter how long a time it is you will never be forgotten. I know this to be true as my father was taken from me over 25 years ago, but I think of him everyday. Life has to go on and you too go on in your friends and families hearts as does my father in mine.

Seeing the photo of you with your son just made me compelled to write. I know nothing I or anyone says will make losing you any easier, but I know that God has a purpose for everything that comes along in our lives. Perhaps now the reason escapes us as to why he decided it was time for you to be with him, but in time that may become clear. Rest easy my brother, God bless you and your family.

MPO Paul Moeller
Joliet Illinois Police Department

November 28, 2005