Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Bran,
It is snowing...alot. You would love it. You would be so excited to get out and plow it. I know you would have a part time job somewhere plowing right now. I always dreaded the snow and you always wished for more than we got.

Kathy came over today and took me to the grocery store and mall. I didn't want to drive in the snow by myself. I got everything we need to be snowed in....stuff to make vegetable soup. You hated vegetable soup. I remember that fight we had in Richwood over vegetable soup. I threw your bowl back in the pot of soup and told you that you weren't allowed to eat my vegetable soup. Geez...I had a temper sometimes. At least we could always laugh about it later. Sometimes you made me laugh on purpose when I was trying to be mad...I would get so frustrated that you could make me laugh when I was trying to be mad....

I got the boys gloves, hats, and snow boots at the mall. They are ready to go play in the snow but I made them lay down for a nap first.

Bacon is cracking me up. I just heard him barking like crazy and thought he was fighting with Gabby. I went to check and he is laying in his little dog bed barking at the sides of it and rolling around. He is soooo cute. He likes to lay on his back to sleep and lets me rub his belly.

Miss you lots....Love you

Sara

December 22, 2004

Bran,
I was on my way to work this morning with the radio on and the song that Sara played at the funeral came on. And like a brick it actually sank in that you wouldn't be home for Christmas. I cried all the way to work not knowing what to do. I do that a lot knowing that I could never be as strong as Sara. They would have to put me in a padded room! So I want to tell you that we miss you and Merry Christmas. I'm sure if you're anything like Ryan you loved Christmas, you probably were a gift shaker! I yell at Ryan about that all the time, can't leave him alone by the tree! Ryan and I will stop by the cemetery Friday to drop something off to you. We love you and miss you!
Goodnight for now.
AT & RP

Amber

December 21, 2004

Bran,
We went to Chuck E Cheese tonight. The boys had a lot of fun. It actually helped take my mind off of life for awhile. Many times when I go to places like that it makes me depressed to see all the other little boys with their daddy. I didn't feel that way tonight, but your Dad and Cory were there with the boys...Landon played skeeball, Ty tried, but you know how that goes. Ty did the basketball game. That is his favorite. Landon played air hockey with Cory. Cory wouldn't let Ty have a turn. He reminds me of you when he plays with the kids...having more fun than they do. We didn't make it to the Zoo lights, it was too late. Maybe another time.

In the car today Landon started asking questions about what happened to you. Usually it doesn't make me cry, I just answer the questions as honestly as possible. Today I was crying and could barely answer him. He wants to know why you got hurt and went to the hospital and most of all why you died....How do I tell a 3 year old little boy why his daddy got hurt and died?? There is no good reason why!!!!!!!

Now every time I say the word hurt, Landon thinks a fire truck is going to take me to the hospital. Landon hit Bacon today and Bacon bit his finger. It was bleeding. We put a band aid on it. He wanted to go to the hospital in the fire truck. He is obsessed with the fire truck and the hospital. I so wish I had not taken them with me to the hospital...if I only knew what the news was going to be when we got there.

The gang at work sent me a dozen red and white roses today. I talked to Carol for a bit today. She is always good to take my mind off things. She never dwells on what has happened or doesn't treat me any differently than she did before. I appreciate that. Some people call and their voice just sounds different when they talk to me. It is dripping with pity. They always ask that question...So how are you doing? How are the kids? Arghhh..... I know they mean well and just want to help. How do you think I am doing??? Sometimes I say I remembered to get out of bed this morning and breathe....

I hear Bacon chewing on something I better go check it out...

Goodnight. Love you. Miss you.

Sara

December 21, 2004

Hey Bran, Just thinking about you tonight, no different than any other day I guess. The closer we get to Christmas, the harder this week has gotten. I think about how hard this has been on my little sister and I just feel sick. There is nothing I can do about this and I really hate it. We will miss you so much on Christmas Eve. I want to be with everyone, but I also just want to get it over with because I think it will be so hard. I find myself wishing away time thinking the more time that passes the better everyone might feel, but then again I sometimes don't know if anyone will feel better ever again. I also don't want to wish away time because I now have learned the hard way to cherish the time spent with each person every day, you never know if it will be the last moment with them. I can still envision you at dinner that day, the last time I saw you. Don't let it go away from my mind please. Help everyone through the next few days. I worry about Sara, the boys, your mom and dad, Cory and Lindsey and Mom & Mike. We are all missing you terribly right now. I love ya and miss you.

Mis

Missy
Bran's Sister-in-law

December 21, 2004

Bran,
I am missing you so much. Gretchen and Andy gave me the picture of you at the Spring Game in a frame. I have it on the computer desk and I look at it all the time. I so want to wrap my arms around you one more time and tell you how much I love you. If I had 5 more minutes I would tell you how much I appreciated everything we had. You gave me all the love you could and only asked that I love you back.

Sometimes in the middle of the night I would think about what I would do if something ever happened to you. How I would feel. Even my worst nightmares can't describe how it feels to be here without you. I keep reliving those first few moments that I found out you had died. I replay it over and over in my head and so want that nurse to look me in the eyes and say he is back here and he is fine...come on back. I want you to be sitting in a hospital bed mad that you wrecked the cruiser. I thought you had wrecked I didn't know that you got shot.

I made dinner for the Lovell's and Chris last night. After Brian and Kathy left Chris stayed to watch a movie with me. We didn't even talk much we just watched the movie. It was nice to just have someone here to watch a movie with that didn't want to sit and discuss everything or try to heal my pain in some way. Just having someone here is what I need sometimes. We watched White Chicks, you would have loved it. It was really funny (As Landon would say). It was nice just to have someone to share the laughter with..things just aren't as funny when you don't have someone to share it with.

I talked to Jen on the phone for a couple of hours. I am so glad she made contact with me. To know that someone out there is in the exact place I am in this process and to be able to share the pain we both feel. Duke died 5 months ago. Jen and I are very much alike, it is actually kinda scary. It sounds like Duke and you were a lot alike too. I hope that you have found each other in heaven.

I better get back to the kids. We are going to make Christmas cookies today. Just a few sugar cookies to let them decorate. I know they will like that. Tonight we are going to Chuck E Cheese and the Zoo lights. Carol said it is supposed to snow a lot tonight. Thank god I don't have to worry about driving to work in the morning. You would always call me in the morning to tell me to be careful and take extra time.

Miss you, love you.

Sara

December 21, 2004

miss ya man....

December 20, 2004

bran,
we can't believe it has been two months since you left us. yesterday was the first real snowfall we have had, as sam went out to plow and salt he thought of how you would come up behind him and turn your lights on to give him a hard time (being the jokester you are). seems like only yesterday when we ran into you and sara and the boys at the popcorn festival and told you that we were expecting our first child. although we know you wouldn't trade those boys for anything you and sara jokingly offered tyler and landon so we would have an idea of parenthood. well the pregnancy is half over already, sam and i were tossing names around and we feel that honoring you is the best thing we can do if it is a boy. our children will grow up knowing what a wonderful and caring man you were. merry christmas buddy. life isn't the same without you here especially not seeing your cruiser pull in the drive to take a break and chat for a few.

sam and chrissy staley
friends of brandy

December 20, 2004

Weep not for me
now that I have passed.
Remember the laughter, the affection, the joy
not just the recent tears.
Cherish the memories, our hopes and dreams.
Hold fast to the love that we shared.
Be happy with the time we spent together
and being anew.
For I am not really gone,
I am closer than ever before.
As the morning sun rises
and throughout the busy day...I am with you.
Until the setting sun disappears on the horizon
and we watch the day turn into night...I am here.
You may feel a faint breeze stir round your head, while you slumber
as I gently kiss your forehead, "Good night."
The stars that shine so brightly in my heavenly sky
help me watch over you and keep you from harm.
I am the wind in the trees
and the song of a bird.
I am moonbeams in a midnight sky
and a glorious rainbow after the storm.
I am morning dew
and freshly-fallen snow.
I am a butterfly flying overhead
and a puppy happily at play.
I am a smile on a stranger's face
a gentle touch
a warm embrace.
Listen to the wind for my message of love.
Watch the sun rise and set in the sky with me.
Feel my essence encircle you with warm memories.
Open your heart to know...I am not gone.
Reach deep into your soul...You will find me.
I am here.
Have no fear.
I am with you,
Always.

December 20, 2004

Bran,
Well you would have been proud of the Rookie last night! HAHA! Almost the whole second shift went out last night. We all sat around and talked and drank; I showed off the pictures of Bacon on my phone, that puppy is so cute! And Landon loves him!
You and Sara would have had a good time with us. I think it was 3:00 or after befere we actually got ready to leave. And of course you weren't far from our conversations. They played the Bad Boyz song for us. I couldn't help but laugh at all the guys singing along.However,Last night came to teary end when the bar played the drums and bag-pipe song of Amazing Grace and every guy in the group sat with tears running down their faces thinking of you. And at the end they did their final toast to you and we said our good-byes and went home. Ry on our way home just kept saying its sucks Brandy can't be here to hang out with us. He misses you.We all do.
I think Ryan and I are going to go over to the house tonight. Im going to help Sara wrap some Christmas presents, while Ryan can return to the age of three and hang out with Landon and Tyler and play.HAHA! Im going to take over the Christmas ornimate that I got you back in September when I went to Mich. Its Ohio State and I figured Landon would like to have it. Im going to have Sara order us some angel pins for the guys to wear on their tux jackets for our wedding in June. Well I gotta go get somethings finished up around the house. We love you and Miss you.

Amber

December 19, 2004

Bran,
I got my highest game ever at bowling.. 152!!! You would have been so proud of me. I almost beat your brother. He pulled it out in the end though. I would have never let him live it down if I beat him. There will come a time though, and I won't let him live it down. Next time I'll just keep buying him beer....I told your mom though that I really miss watching you bowl. Nobody could bowl like you. It was a running joke between Sarah and I last year in the police and fire league...you know the joke.

We went out for a bit after bowling. I actually felt comfortable. I think I am getting more comfortable with being alone. Not that it is easy by any means but I am getting there. I didn't feel that desperate loneliness that I usually feel. Maybe the other night at Linda's helped me move forward some in this process.

The other night Hayden gave me a Christmas card that he made for us. He put your name on it too. I told him I would take it to you at the cemetery. I thought about putting together a bag of Christmas stuff to bring over. Maybe I will put your favorite stuff in there and a note from us. We didn't make Christmas cookies this year. Maybe next year Sara the ugly cookie decorator will be back. Just not this year....I will have to make something for Santa on Christmas eve. I remember last year we left out a plate of cookies and a beer. Landon thought it was the greatest that Santa drank a beer. Guess Santa's lucky you didn't get him for DUI...Santa left the Winfield's house drunk imagine that...Wander if anyone at Union County does the Christmas Eve Santa BOLO that I always did. I don't know if they carried on that tradition after I left.

Your mom's annual babysitting party was yesterday. The boy's had fun. Landon jumped right up in Santa's lap. Big improvement from previous years. It actually shocked me. He was a little scared when he first walked in, but when he saw presents come out he was all about Santa. Ty just wanted the present he didn't care about Santa. Buddy when he saw Landon's present his lip came out and he went up to get his. I was a little depressed because you were missing it all. I was really tired yesterday, I didn't sleep most of the night before.

I am trying to decide if I want to go anywhere for New Year's. I told people I wasn't used to going out. You always had to work. I know I will read your New Year's letter from last year. I remember you called me at midnight to tell me Happy New Years. I was asleep on the couch when you called. I don't remember any New Year's that we got to spend together...I don't think there was one. One of us was always working.

Miss you...Love you.

Sara

December 19, 2004

Sara,

I've seen you mention seeing a hawk a few times and wanted to share something with you. I get the impression from you that the hawk symbolizes Brandy somehow and thought you'd enjoy hearing this...

Last Saturday I was sitting upstairs in my computer room. My chair is right next to a window overlooking a light post. I was working on updating my church's website and kept feeling as though someone was staring at me.
As I glanced out the window, for just a brief second I locked eyes with the biggest hawk I'd ever seen who sat perched on the light post. The very instant we locked eyes, it sprang into the sky with such force that the light pole swayed back and forth for nearly 30 seconds afterwords.

I've never seen a hawk on that light pole, EVER, and we've lived here for coming up on three years.

Bran, I sure do miss you buddy. We all do.

Former Deputy Matthew T. Collins
Marion County Sheriff's Office

December 18, 2004

Bran,
It has been a busy two days...

The road trip was good!! We went to Linda's to give her a Christmas surprise. All of us were up late into the night. We laughed, we cried, we talked. Listening to Linda, Krissy, Angie, Bruce, Kelly, Mark, and Todd and hearing what they have been through, what they are going through, and what it means to be a survivor gives me real hope that my life will continue and I can still keep your memory alive. They know how I feel, what I am going through and will never judge me. I needed that night with them more than anything. I guess we all really need each other. To see how much we all appreciate one another and how we express it shows me that it took death to bring us all to this point....and none of us will ever be the same but that isn't necessarily bad. You can make the best of what life has given you. I felt that connection I needed to feel.

We all decided at about 3 am that Dan, Terry, and Frank called you over and said will you look at them it only gets worse buddy. Tell them all thanks for shutting off the hot tub.... Nothing like a luke warm hot tub with no electric and Mark making his own bubbles. Thanks Bran!!!

I went to dinner tonight with UCSO friends and Chuck from Down Under. It was nice to talk with everyone. Missy watched the boys and they had fun.

Tonight Landon and Bacon wrestled on the floor. Amber came over to help me wrap some gifts. She is like the little sister I never had. She tried to steal Bacon to take him home to Ryan. He was too fat to fit into her coat. Like I said Everyone Loves Bacon...

Tonight I was actually able to get some things done when I got home. I think my road trip helped revive me. I know it will be a roller coaster for the next few years. But hopefully days like today will come more frequently....

Good night...Love you, miss you.

Sara

December 17, 2004

Thinking of you today again Brandy.

Jeff
DCSO

December 17, 2004

Brandy,
It's been 2 months and a couple of days. It's Thursday night at midnight. Just thinking of you, Sara, and the boys. Saw your picture here as I cracked open a beer, so I figured I would give you a shout-out. One of these nights I'm gonna come down and have dinner with Sara and the boys. You always said she was a good cook, though I only got to have dinner at your house ONCE!! Well, I guess that's one more time than you had dinner at my house. Well dude, miss ya, and still thinking of you.

Sara, I'm always here and always have my phone with me. If you're lonely or down in he dumps, give me call, I'll always be here for you guys. Looking forward to coming down SOON and seeing the new addition (Bacon). Give me a call, I'd like to hear from you.

ERIC

Eric
OSHP

December 17, 2004

Bran - I really miss you. Love You.

Mis

Missy Pierce
Bran's Sister-in-law

December 16, 2004

Brandy,

I just went to the cemetery to visit you, you have so many beautiful wreaths and blankets on and around your grave. You are loved so much by so many people.

I still can't believe that you are gone, it just doesn't seem real. It doesn't feel like it was that long ago that we were running around the neighborhood playing hide-n-seek but it has been a while, hasn't it. I see that your sister in law called you Col. Klink, I had to chuckle about that. I guess some things never change.

Well, I have to go now. I'll be out to see you again soon.

Tina

December 16, 2004

Been thinking of you all day buddy. Miss you.

December 16, 2004

Bran,
It is 1:30 in the morning and Bacon has me awake. I heard him grunting and found him on the floor next to the bed. He must have fallen out of bed. He is going on a road trip with me tomorrow...Hopefully it will be a good time.

Landon is in love with Bacon. Once again I have another dog in the house that likes the man in my life better than me. Most of the time Bacon ignores me...but buddy when Landon is here Bacon is ready to play. They wrestled all over the living room tonight. I have to remind Landon to be gentle with him, but Bacon seems to love every minute of it. Bacon follows Landon everywhere he goes. Landon calls him his little buddy. He wanted Bacon to sleep with him tonight. I have a feeling Bacon won't be sleeping with me long...he will be Landon's sleeping buddy.

I was exhausted tonight. Landon would not listen and my patience was thin tonight. I need to start sleeping and eating more. I would probably feel better if I did. Every time I eat I feel sick after wards. I have lost all the weight I needed to lose....Not a good way to do it though. I am so tense and nothing seems to help. I have been to the chiropractor...that helped for a day or so. I had a massage today and that helped for a couple of hours, but just seemed to make me tired.

Maybe I need to escape for a few days. Hopefully this road trip tomorrow will help. I will get away from this town and house where everything reminds me of you. Not that I really want to think of anything else, but right now it hurts so much. I think the past few months are starting to catch up with me and that is why I am so tired...

I love you, I miss you.

Sara

December 16, 2004

Brandy,

Wow, I can't believe yesterday was two months since you left. It just doesn't seem possible.

It snowed yesterday. It was really pretty. I only like the snow around Christmas time. Of course my girls absolutely loved it.

Ryan and I stopped by to say Hi to you yesterday. We were there visiting our best friend Chip Rife, you should know him from school, he graduated with you. He passed away last April. It breaks my heart seeing our friends die so young. Its just not fair ya know.

I come on here everyday and read the letters that your wife and other family members write to you. Your boys sound so adorable. I can only pray they grow up to be just like their daddy. Your family all really love you and miss you so much. The whole community does. You have touched so many peoples hearts.

Well Ryans 29th Birthday is Friday and we will be going bowling on Saturday with some friends and I know that you really loved bowling from reading letters from your family, so in honor of you Brandy, our first game is going to be for you, so could you help me out lol, I'm really gonna need it. I totally suck when it comes to bowling.

Keep watching over us from up there......

Ryan & Amy

Amy Caldwell
Brandys High School Classmates

December 15, 2004

Bran - Hey, I went to see Bacon last night. He is sooo cute. I hope he helps Sara out. I think he will keep her company when she is alone. Thanks for sending him to her. I met Blue last weekend - he is HUGE - but I can tell Linds already loves him. Landon loves that new little puppy. Thanks for everything that you are sending this way, just remember that big winning lottery ticket I need on Christmas Eve. Miss You terribly. Love you Mis

Missy Pierce
Bran's sister-in-law

December 15, 2004

God Bless you Brandy.

December 15, 2004

Bran,
I love Bacon!!! He is the fattest puppy I have ever seen. When he runs his fat rolls jiggle with him.

Landon has a new best friend. I just woke up because Landon was in bed petting Bacon and telling me he loved his new puppy. They chased each other all over the house tonight, then Bacon slept on Landon's lap while he watched cartoons. I think Bacon was pretty worn out by the time the boys went to bed. He slept on my lap until I got ready for bed, then he snuggled up next to me in bed and snored away. He sounds like you when he breathes at night. It is very comforting having him here.

Miss you, love you...

Sara

December 15, 2004

Sara- No words can express how bad I feel that I can't do more for you. Sometimes I just feel like I don't know what to say to make it better and in all reality, I don't think there is anything to say that can make it better.
I want you to know that no matter how busy life gets, you and the boys are always in our thoughts and prayers. Please don't ever think that we are too busy for anything that you need. We would do anything for you guys. We love you!!

Brandy- This is the first time that I have written anything to you. I can't believe it's taken me two months. I read these reflections every single day and every day I see how many people care about you. It's been rough the last two months around here. I try to do my best to be there for Sara and the boys, but sometimes I just don't know what to say or do. I feel like it's never enough because I can't make it go away. I try to be strong for Andy too, he really misses you. Sometimes I don't know what to say to help him either so I just let him have his space when he needs it and when he wants to talk I listen. That's all I can do.

You would be so proud of how everyone has come together. I have never felt more closeness from a group of people in my life. It's like we all have such a special bond and when we all can get together and share stories and laugh about things, it really helps with the sadness.

This Christmas is really going to be hard for Sara and the boys, your mom and dad, and Cory and Lindsey. I want you to know, though, that we are all there for them and we will get them through this. They are not alone. Goodbye for now my friend....

Gretchen

December 14, 2004

Sara - You and the boys are in everyone's hearts and prayers. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time and only wish that there was something any of us could do to help ease your pain.

December 14, 2004

Bran,
Toady is 2 months...it feels like so much more time has passed...but in the next thought it seems like yesterday. I just wish you could come back. As Christmas gets closer, it seems like more of a drag. If it wasn't for the boys, I'm not sure how the family would be making it through this holiday season.

Sara went to pick up the puppy today. I haven't heard if she is home yet.

A bunch of us girls went out for dinner last night. It was fun, but I knew Sara wasn't really having a good time. She said she didn't feel well...I think it was the conversations. It is so hard sometimes to decide how to deal with situations. She called me last night very upset. I feel like nothing I say can make her feel any better. I wish I had some outstanding words that had remarkable healing power for her. I feel so helpless. Cory was not doing that great last night, either. I think Blue lifts his spirits some. I feel helpless with him, too. I just want to make everyone feel better...I want to fix their hurt and I can't and it just makes me feel worse. Please give me some words or actions that can help them out. I feel like that should be my role...to be a support and I am failing at it.

There was a beautiful snow this morning. It was that kind of snow that should be on a postcard. All I could think about was that you are not here to enjoy it or play in your front yard with the boys.

I know how miserable I feel, and I am only your sister-in-law. My pain can't compare to everyone else's.

I pulled out my traveling family pictures this morning and sat at my desk and laughed at some memories. Then I felt extremely overwhelmed with sadness. I feel bad for me, but I feel worse for everyone else.

I am proud of how well Sara deals with others and being in public. I know she comes home and has her moments, but she is so strong in public. She amazes me sometimes.

Just keep reminding us that we all have each other to love and lean on. The next couple of weeks are going to be so difficult.

We all miss you so much, words cannot express it.

Thinking of you,
LDub

Lindsey
Sister-in-Law

December 14, 2004