Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Dear Sara,

It breaks my heart to read your letters to Brandy. It's like watching someone drown and not being able to do anything to help. There is nothing that anyone can do or say to make this all better for you and I feel, as I'm sure everyone close to you does, so helpless. I have never met you but you face things and express yourself alot like I do except my husband is still alive and well and is a Deputy here in Licking Co. He looks very similar to Brandy and I think that is one reason I have been so deeply affected by this nightmare you're in. It angers me that this coward and all the other cowards on this earth can destroy people's lives and seem to never get what they deserve.

I am praying for you and your family. I pray that one day soon you can laugh more often and that the pain you're in will lesson more and more each day. You seem like such a brave, strong soul and I truly admire you!
Julie

December 30, 2004

Miss you so much buddy....

December 30, 2004

Bran,
Tonight has been so hard. Landon is sick. He has a high fever. I came home to the usual empty house which weighs heavy on my heart as always. I tried to call a couple people to come over for dinner but couldn't get ahold of anyone. I tried to make grilled cheese and soup. Landon had a fit and went to his room. Ty stood under my feet crying the whole time. I burnt the grilled cheese. By the time dinner was done I was crying so hard I could barely eat. Landon wouldn't come out of his room to eat. So Ty and I sat at the kitchen table eating burnt grilled cheese and soup. He was slopping soup all over the place while I had tears streaming down my face trying to choke down a few bites of food. All I could think of was how we all used to eat together every night. I can barely bring myself to cook anymore. What has happened to our normal life??

Later Landon woke up crying and ran out saying his knee hurt. When he climbed on my lap he had a high fever. He is now wrapped up in blankets on the couch asleep. I was so afraid I was going to have to take him to the emergency room if the fever didn't break. I don't know how he or I would react if we have to walk into that place. I don't know if I could even walk through the doors. What will I do if one of the kids ever need to go???

I just don't know that I can do this alone. It sucks so bad. I just want you back. I know I can't have it but that is all I want. Tonight I just can't deal....I hate being alone. I want to scream at someone that this wasn't the deal when we got married. We were supposed to grow old together and watch the kids grow up together. I don't want to do this alone. I don't want to share memories with the boys I want to share you with them.

I miss you so much.......I love you.

Sara

December 29, 2004

Bran,
It has been a rough few days. I had a meeting with the prosecutor which was hard. Then I came home to find the autopsy report in the mail. I sat in bed and cried for two hours. Reading such a matter of fact report about someone you love is sickening.

I feel like I keep getting revictimized over and over again. I was finally feeling good. I was focusing and getting things done. Then bam I get something like this that makes me want to lay in bed all day and cry. When will it ever stop.

Now I have all these mental pictures of what they did to you. What happened to you that night? I can't stop thinking about it. I know I will never truly know what happened. Only two people know that..you and the other isn't talking.

I am so angry at the system. They make it even worse.

More and more I am finding the only people that totally understand my pain are the other survivors. They have all been through the same crap. Even sharing the pain doesn't make it any easier. I don't know if it will ever get any easier. I am still your little hillbilly girl though...at first I cry then I get angry. I can still display that tough exterior when I am dying inside.

I am thankful the boys weren't here when I got that report. They were with Kathy. She took them to play in the snow for the day. They had fun but they were really worn out when they got home. They both went right to bed for me. Landon is getting up in the middle of the night now and telling me his belly hurts. Not sure what that is all about.

Well it is about time to head off to counseling. Poor Kay, she is going to get an earful today.....

Miss you. Love you.

Sara

December 29, 2004

Bran,

Life just sucks right now. I can't say it any other way. Christmas was so tough. I couldn't even deal.

Blue got away from me Christmas morning. I was so afraid he was gone...I was running down the street in my pj's and slippers yelling for him. The neighborhood has to think that I am a wack job...he came running back to the front porch like it was no big deal. Cory had all of first shift out looking for him. You had to be looking down cracking up at us!

The boys had a nice Christmas, I think. Landon got his motorcycle. Sara cleared out the garage so he could take it for a test drive...he went around and around in circles. I wish you were here to cheer him on. Ty got a bike. He just sat on it in the middle of the living room. He is so cute I can't stand it.

Sara and Cory had a meeting with the prosecutor yesterday...please give us all strength to get through this. Especially Sara, Momma Buubie and Papa Rick, and Cory. I mean they are just so hurt and sad. Everyone is...but that is your family. I know how much I hurt...I can't imagine their pain.

There is so much I wish I could put down in words...so many feelings and questions...sometimes I still can't believe this is happening...it is so overwhelming. The other day I held onto your Bible, opened it up to your Psalm and just sat there and wondered what really happened. I know I shouldn't do that, but God I just want to know so bad!! Your Bible was with you that night...I promise that we will give your Bible to the boys someday when they are older. Cory wants to give it them and remind them of what an awesome daddy and person you are. For now, it is an object that we can hold on to...something to make us feel closer to you.

Continue looking over us...everyone misses you so bad...you are such an awesome person, Bran.

I miss you BDub!!
Lots of love,
Linds

Lindsey

December 29, 2004

God Bless you Brandy. Life is so unfair at times. Sara, trust God and know there are many people thinking and praying for your family.

December 28, 2004

Sara,

Thinking of you and your family during this holiday season. Take care!

December 28, 2004

I am sending the entire family strength and support as the trial approaches. The entire community supports you.

December 27, 2004

Bran,
We made it through Christmas without you....It sucked, but we did it. Christmas is done at our house. Kathy and Brian helped me clear the house today. Everything is put away. I want to pretend it didn't happen without you. The house feels normal again...I feel better. I told everyone if it wasn't for the kids I would be lying on a beach with an umbrella drink looking for Kenny Chesney and pretending Christmas didn't exist....but I guess that's not reality is it dear. Linda got to do it this year...hope she gets stuck in a snow drift on the way home. I guess I can't be too bitter we sent her there.

New Year's won't be so bad. No letter this year. No midnight phone call either....I will miss that.

The next hard thing will be Ty's 2nd birthday. I am going to order him a bowling ball and bag. I know you would appreciate that. Every time I open the closet and he sees the bowling balls he talks about you. Both boys will love to bowl, hopefully they will be as good as you.

I remember when I called to tell you I was pregnant with Tyler. You were building our house. I told you to sit down so you wouldn't fall off the roof. You were speechless for a few minutes, you said you're WHAT. But that little boy stole your heart. You would always walk in the bedroom holding him, he would have his head buried in your shoulder. You would say Sara look at him, isn't he cute. He was your baby boy....He is still a heart stealer. Even when he is being a little devil he manages that sweet grin and it is hard to be mad at him. Like we always said he is all me...I could always do the same thing to you....you let me get away with so much. I am smiling as I think of all those times.

Lee called the other day. He invited me to see the lights in Upper. He said 3rd shift all went to breakfast together. It made me think of the time we all met for breakfast when we lived on Summit St. I remember you and Monica messing with each other the whole time. By the way she got the nose hair trimmers...I knew you would want her to have them. I knew I wouldn't be using them anytime soon and the boys are a bit young yet. It brought a smile to her face.

I know all the guys miss you terribly. It can't be the same out there without you. I can't check the checking account anymore to see what nights everyone is meeting at Steak-N-Shake either.....bet they still are though. The last time you went was October 8 $3.68....can't remember what you said your favorite was.

Missing you as always. Love you. Miss you.

Sara

December 26, 2004

Miss you so much, thinking of you and your family the last couple of days. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. Your picture is in my cruiser as well buddy, forever my pilot.

December 26, 2004

Bran-

Well, it's over. Even though your mom and dad were with us on Christmas Eve, your absence was very noticed. Dinner was weird without you there to hog down those steaks. Opening gifts was weird because you weren't there to help the boys with their mounds of gifts at moms. Sara helped Tyler, I didn't have to help Landon much, except to catch the clothes that were flying over his shoulders. Mike and Rick weren't even as funny during dinner as they usually are, guess you always helped them along with that. Cleaning up the mess was hard, because I didn't have my clean up buddy, cleaning up dinner wasn't so bad because you always locked yourself in the bathroom during that!! I knew that doing stockings and lottery tickets would really bother me, they did, I won a couple bucks, something is better than nothing. Sara didn't win anything, which is unusual. Sara got Hayden a Robosapien. He wanted one really bad, when he opened that gift from her and realized what it was, his expression was priceless. He was so excited his lip was quivering, I thought he was going to cry. I know you were with us, you probably saw, bet you loved it!! That made Sara feel so good to see how happy she had made her little buddy. He was always your guys' little buddy, you both have always been so good to him. He asks questions every once in awhile. He misses you. Logan was your little girl you never had. Whenever you were around you always had to come pick her up and make over her. I will make sure she knows that as she grows.

We all miss you so much. I always used to say I would never change anything in my life, because I always have had a really good life. I would change it now. I would do anything to put you back in my sisters arms. We miss that big smile of yours. I even miss you eating with your mouth open, chowing down your food. If we could just have you back for a little while and each of us could have a few minutes with you I would give all my time to Sara and the boys. I would just make sure you knew that I loved you. I think that gesture would show you that I did. Thanks for watching over everyone and helping us get through that night. By the way, thanks for helping get our electricity back on before the kids got up for Christmas morning. I asked for you and God to help with that as I laid there freezing, it worked.

We miss you buddy, hope you had a Good Christmas.

Love you

Mis

Missy

December 26, 2004

I MISSED FREEZING MY BUTT OFF WITH YOU THE OTHER NIGHT. IT WAS -9 AT THE POST. SO OF COURSE WHAT DID WE DO, THATS RIGHT CHRISTMAS COOK OUT. NOTHING LIKE A CHRISTMAS HOTDOG AT 3AM. THE GRILL JUST ISN'T THE SAME WITH OUT YOU MAN.

BY THE WAY THANKS FOR WATCHING MY BACK THAT NIGHT IN NOVEMBER. I KNOW YOU DID. I LOVE YOU MAN.

BABY BOY

TROOPER
OSHP

December 26, 2004

Merry Christmas Brandy, you were in our thoughts all day today. So was all of your family. I know it had to be rough for them to get through the day. Our thoughts are constantly with them. Merry Christmas my friend..

Andy & Gretchen

December 25, 2004

Bran,
The day is almost over. It is 4:00 PM and the kids are napping. I have held it together until I sat down in front of this computer. The boys had fun and that is all that really matters. They have lots of new toys to play with. In fact I will need a bulldozer to clear the living room. The house is in shambles and I haven't got the energy to clean it up. I don't even know where to start. I think I will lay down a while and rest then try to tackle it. It took all my energy just to face this day. Chris told me the other night it is only 24 hours just like any other day....only a few more hours left.

I have felt numb all day and hate doing this without you....I miss you. I love you.

Sara

December 25, 2004

God Bless you on this difficult day. Brandy, you will forever be remembered friend.

December 25, 2004

Mr. Winfield,

I cannot express how much I miss you. My heart aches each day that I know you are not here to protect us all. It is 448. Prime time on the watch that that we used to laugh and talk. I miss so much the times when you used to check on us at the V, the nights you used to check on me at home and would come by for a Pepsi and a cig. I always told you that those those things were going to stunt your growth. I hope you will forgive me that it has taken so long to put a message on here for you. It tears Chad & I apart that you are not here to harrass about Jeff Gordon & Bobby Labonte beating Dale Jarrett. We are working on something special for you with RYR, I pray it works out. Pull some stings for us. Give Missy her lottery tickets, you have a great sis in law, as well as Rick. Bless your Mom-in-Law, I got to know her & Mike, and would like to know that they are as nice to everyone that are friend to you. Johnna is a great comfort to me as I struggle with this. Give us the lords strength for your Mom, Dad, Cory, Linds, Grampa Forest, Gramma Brenda, she is an angel here on earth to watch over us all. I have never felt so much love from a family in the most difficult of times. Comfort Matt and the EMS/FireFighters that pray for you. I promise I will watch over Cory, if/when he get's his Harley, I know he will in time. You have created a special place for him in our family. You are the Rider. Ride with us on the fine horse. For it is Christmas, and we walk in your glory. Be with us in our heavy hearts. I feel your spirit within me and around me. Never let me forget your spirit, you are my guardian angel. Though it has been many days since I last saw you, every day I wake, I know I am one day closer to being back with you. Merry Christmas, Deputy Dog. I am here for you, forever.

Your Brother,
Nascar

Nascar

December 25, 2004

Bran,
I got through it. Christmas Eve at Mom's house is done. It wasn't so bad...the kids had fun. That kept my mind occupied.

The kids are in bed. I am trying to unwind so I can get some sleep. I got all the presents under the tree. I just realized Ty's bike needs assembled and I have no idea how to do it. It is still in the box. I guess I will find someone to do it.

I probably won't be able to make it to the cemetary tomorrow. Your parents said it wasn't even plowed. Plus there is so much snow I would never make it to the plot. The snow comes up to my thighs...I know I am short. Yes dear I really am only 4'11".

I feel sick tonight. Probably all internalized stress...This part is almost over and I can keep moving forward. New Year's won't be so bad.

I am having a hard time wanting to do anything right now. I know there is stuff I need to do but I just can't make myself do it. I feel totally unmotivated. Hopefully once the holidays are behind me I can start to focus again. I hope all the holidays in the future aren't this hard. Everyone says it will get easier with time...I hope so because this sucks....I know I won't feel like this forever at least I hope I won't. It has to get better than this. It can't get much worse. I can't stand to be around anyone right now. It will pass...After the holidays I need to start making decisions about what I am going to do from here. I have been avoiding it all.

We talked about what all the past Christmas's at Mom's house were like tonight. We would be the first to arrive. You would screw with Mom some, munch on some food, then plop down on the couch because you had barely slept. We would eat our traditional meal while you, Rick, and Mike cracked stupid jokes. You would inhale the food like I never fed you before. We would all open our presents. Rick and you would always get a toy to play with. Then we would do the stockings (the socks, underwear, your favorite candy snickers for you, and then the lottery tickets). Last year I made you stop so I could cash in all my winnings on more tickets...I remember you complaining...Where's my $20,000 Sara? We would get home put the kids in bed. You would get ready for work while I put away all the stuff from Mom's house. Then I would get all the presents under the tree. In the morning I would make the boys wait for you to get home.....

Well, I hope Christmas Eve in heaven is good because it sucks here without you. Watch us tomorrow morning dear.

Miss you. Love you.....

Sara

December 24, 2004

Merry Christmas Brandy. Your family are in my thoughts right now.

We all miss you very much. Keep smiling down on us.....

Amy
Brandys High School Classmate

December 24, 2004

Bran,
It is Christmas Eve and I am about to start getting ready to go to Mom's. You would be in bed sleeping some before we had to leave. Your mom and dad are going to drive me. You know how I am about driving in the snow.

Landon is driving me crazy still. He needs to get out of this house. He is picking on Ty and Bacon. Every time Bacon tries to sleep Landon starts hitting him and getting in his face. He is pushing buttons on purpose. Plus my patience is thin because.. well you know. Kathy dropped off gifts for the boys. I put them under the tree for tomorrow and Landon just opened them.

Tonight will be hard and I don't even want to do it. I just want to crawl in bed and pretend it is another day. I know I can't do that though. Life has to go on. The kids need me.

This morning I haven't been able to do anything. I need to get motivated and start getting ready. It will be time to go soon. I can't go in my pajamas.

Landon got in bed with me last night and kept me awake half the night. I have new silk pajama bottoms and he kept rubbing his feet on them. I hardly slept. I lay awake thinking about all the times we spent together and everything you will miss in our lives.

I just wish this wasn't happening to us. I want my normal life back. Monday is another arraignment on the kidnapping charge. I will be there. I'll see if he will look at me this time....I will have to find someone to take me because I don't know that I will be able to drive afterwords. I hate looking at him, it makes me shake with anger. Just thinking about it almost makes me sick. I hope there is a continuance...I don't think I can face a trial so soon after the holidays. I guess no time is going to be a good one. I just want it over with.

Miss you, love you.

Sara

December 24, 2004

Bran
Just wanted to let you know that we miss you and love you and we will be thinking of you tonight. We ask your Dad, Mom, Cory, Lindsey, & Grandpa & ma Winfield down to help us enjoy the kids on Christmas Eve. Wanted a part of you here with us and know you would be happy that all of us were together for the holiday's. Got all the boys remote cars to race around and had a very hard time wrapping the last one up cause I had so much fun playing with it myself. You know I love playing with the toys as much as the kids do. Always did and always will. Tyler had played with this remote in the mall and he done really good with it so I know he will be able to have fun with it too!!! I missed buying you a toy this year cause you know I always bought you and Rick toys to play with also. Well you make sure and watch over Sara and the boys and remember we all love you and miss you.
Love Johnna

Johnna Colyer
mother-in-law

December 24, 2004

Bran,

Well, it's Christmas Eve morning. I got up early to have "my time" before Hayden and Logan get up. I need to get over this terrible slump before we start running for the day so I can put on a fake smile and pretend everything is ok. When I'm around Ricks family I have to pretend I'm ok, at least when I'm around my family if I look sad they know why and understand. I would like to be able to go back to bed and wake up and say "I just had the worst nightmare", I know I can't. Tonight at mom's your absence is going to be like someone having their hands around our necks and squeezing really hard once in a while. Help us continue to breath, please. I don't remember a Christmas Eve, that we have ever had so much snow! - You would love this. I told Rick each day that we get closer to today the harder it was getting. I think I prepared myself well though because I'm doing pretty good this morning. I kept looking at your picture yesterday when we were at moms for memorial day, the one were you had Logan and Tyler on your lap. I kept thinking about the boys without their daddy and it hurts so bad. I don't want to make this too long so...Don't forget to help me out with those lottery tickets tonight. Merry Christmas, We love you and miss you terribly. This won't be the same without you and your BIG smile. Watch over your family tonight and tomorrow, be with them, let them know you are there. Love you always,

Rick & Missy

Merry Christmas Uncle Brandy. We love you. We really miss you.

Hayden & Logan

Missy

December 24, 2004

Bran,
Just want you to know that the guys and myself at the Plain City Police Department are thinking of you and your family during this Christmas. God Bless!

Sgt. Dale McKee
Plain City Police Department

December 23, 2004

Bran,
Well I am snowed in. The kids have drove me CRAZY!!! The snow is too deep to play in. It would almost be over Ty's head. Ty is sick. He has a fever, runny nose, all that stuff. He just wants to cuddle up on my lap. Landon has been stir crazy all day. We have played baseball, bowling, made cookies, watched movies...anything to keep him occupied. Earlier he took all the toilet paper off the roll, then ran his bulldozer over a pile of dog poop. That was fun to clean up.

I almost lost Bacon to a snow drift. He tried to follow Gabby out into the snow and fell right in. He doesn't leave footprints in the snow he leaves belly prints.

I made a big pot of vegetable soup that I will probably eat for the next two weeks, because there isn't anyone but me to eat it. Ty ate some. Landon didn't like it....he is so you. We also made sugar cookies for Santa. They had fun decorating them. The kitchen was covered in sprinkles. I will probably end up throwing half of them away because you aren't here to eat them. You loved sugar cookies.

Kathy is here wrapping gifts. I am going to go down and help in a few minutes. I just put Landon to bed.

I was in the basement separating out the gifts for Kathy and just wanted to cry. Being down there reminds me of the last time I saw you. Also all your stuff is down there. I look at things around the house where you left them and it reminds me that you will never use it again. I was looking at the job you rigged up to keep the air conditioner from leaking and wanted to cry. You were so proud.

I look at all your stuff and wander when I will finally put it away. I can't even think about it yet. I see all your clothes hanging in the closet. Sometimes I bury my face in them at night and cry. I smell your cologne and deodorant in the bathroom when I am getting ready. I go to the grocery store and see all your favorite stuff to eat and want to buy it but know it would just go to waste. It is a slap in the face every time. The last week it just doesn't seem real. I keep expecting you to come home. I think what would we be doing right now if you were still here. You would probably be plowing snow. Actually it is Wednesday so we would just be settling down after getting the kids in bed. Probably you would be on one couch and I the other trying to relax. You would be begging me to scratch your head and I would be whining that I was too tired.

The last few days start good and I get a lot done in the mornings but as the day goes on I just run out of gas. I drive myself nuts.....

Well I better go help Kathy.

Love you. Miss you lots and lots.

Sara

December 23, 2004

Bran,
Well...all of Marion is snowed in today. So, Blue and I have been hanging out and enjoying the lazy day. I want to go to your house and play in the snow with the boys so bad, but I can't get my car out of the driveway...the snow is up to the tires!!

Christmas is only days away...I'm really not looking forward to it to be honest. I know we will laugh at the boys and you can be sure that Cory and I will act like the two idiots that we are to hopefully lift the spirits...but I know that there is no avoiding the obvious. You won't be there and we are all going to be feeling that. Please be with us and give us some sort of peace.

The snow plowing tradition has been passed on...your little brother can't seem to get enough of it! He had so much fun yesterday driving around. He plans on going back out tonight when he gets off from the PD. He is a lot like you in some ways...he doesn't even realize it. When Cory laughs that certain laugh, I swear you are in the room. It is crazy! He misses you so much...it is nice because so many of the guys call him and look after him. I keep telling him he was adopted by like 10 older brothers...what a compliment to you...10+ people to try to fill your void! It's NOT you, but I know it helps him out some.

It seems like we just can't move on. Once we get through the holidays, the trial will be around the corner. I don't know if I have it in me to live through that. I get seriously stressed just thinking about it. The media, the questions, the rumors...I just want the truth to be told and it all be over!! I wish it would go that quickly. It is so hard for the family to keep re-living it. I know I will be taking a lot of tummy and sleeping pills!!

Well, I guess I should get going. Blue needs to go out and I need to figure out what your crazy brother is going to do tonight.

Please stick with us...this isn't going to be easy.
We all miss you so much!!
Love you BDub!!

Lindsey
Bran's sister in law

December 23, 2004

Merry Christmas buddy, miss you so much.

December 23, 2004