Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Bran,
Another Good One is taken from us. Brings back a lot of memories. I pray that this is the end of it all.
Ry & I have been fighting the Flu & Cold. Ryan said that your on the front cover of one of his COPS books. I read Sara's letter about her horrible day that day. I pray none of us ever go through that again. Ryan got his first D.U.I driver the other night. He came home all excited about it, said it would have been better if you would have been with him to share the fun. We watched the new blue collar comedy tour DVD a couple nights ago and Ryan made the comment " Oh I wish Brandy could see this!" Sara knows what I'm talking about...lol! We're getting ready for Mike Barbers wedding next weekend, we're doing a toast for ya at the wedding reception,Ry's giving it. I read where Cory is on thirds now, I hope they know that if they need anything Ry & I are a call away.
I'm writing a paper for one of my college classes about the Survivors group, I've seen what they have done for Sara and I consider them "Earthly Angels". Hopefully Sara can help me out on this. Alright enough rambling for tonight. We miss you tons & love ya.
AT

Amber

January 6, 2005

Bran,
Well another Ohio officer joined you today. Show Bryan around and let him know we will be here for his family.

Landon is starting to worry me some. I found him under the computer last night. He said he caught the bad guy and got hurt. He wanted to go to the hospital in a fire truck. He also really believes you are still at the hospital. I have tried to explain it to him, but he doesn't get it. I don't want to take him to show him the cemetery until the head marker is up. I might have to just to make him understand. I will talk with the counselor about it. It really scared him when I told him Uncle Rick and Grandma were in the hospital.

I was sitting at the computer this morning and another light bulb blew...Thanks. You know I can't reach them. They are all going at once or maybe I am just freaking out.

I didn't feel good this morning and went to sleep after I got Landon to pre-school. He dressed himself this morning while I got Ty dressed. Your mom informed me that he didn't put any underwear on. Maybe I should start checking that stuff. Guess I never thought to make sure he put on underwear. Missy woke me up to tell me about the officer shooting. What a way to wake up.

It is weird because Frank, Terry, and Tanner were all 3 months apart also. I hope this is the end of it for a while.

I am going to stay with Hayden and Logan tonight so Missy can be at the hospital with Mom and Rick.

Love you dear. Miss you so much.

Sara

Sara

January 6, 2005

not a day goes by winfield that i don't think of you....

January 6, 2005

Bran- I just had a few minutes to sit down and ask you a favor. Rick and Mom are in the hospital with Viral Meningitis. They both have developed pneumonia and Rick is starting to get a blood clot in his head and they found a hemangioma on his liver. Please help them recover and get through this. Watch over them and the rest of our family to make sure no one else gets this. This is terrible, they are so sick. I am run ragged trying to be there for both of them and having the kids at home. Please look out for us, I know you will. It's so weird because they are so sick, but I have been through the mill with everything that happened to you and this seems so small to me compared to what we have dealt with lately. I know they are being taken care of and will get better and I'm actually not freaking out about this too much. Although I am getting tired. Not having Rick be here the last few days has made me realize that I really have no clue as to how Sara feels. Watch over all of us as I know you do. Miss you so much.

Love you always,
Mis

Missy

January 5, 2005

Bran,
Bowling night was fun. I missed you though. I didn't bowl as good as I have been. But I got my average most games so that was good. I beat Nick the last game...the green snot ball didn't even help him then. A few too many I guess. I didn't beat Cory but his day is coming. I had a few too many myself. I slept good.

When Matt came to pick me up we went to find the balls he needed. (Told the boys Matt had to use your balls because he didn't have his own, good thing they are too young to get my sick sense of humor). When we opened up your bowling bag to see what balls were in there my heart skipped a beat. I had not even looked in there. Right on top were those shoes with the rubber on them. Matt and I had a good laugh about those. A little personal joke that I can't post here. We found your cards...I couldn't let Matt and Cory bowl without those dirty cards. I even got in the card game. Jerks wouldn't let me take a card for keeping the ball on the alley. Thanks for giving me all the chick cards...

Sarah is bowling with us again this year. She brought her left handed shoes and left handed ball....She is jealous of my new cool shoes. I finally bought some so I don't have to wear those hideous alley shoes. I am still jealous of her left-handed shoes...

I went yesterday with Linda and Angie to help with paperwork for Melissa's little girl Elaine. She is a real doll. I told her about you and Landon and Tyler. She really misses her Mommy. I wanted her to understand that she is not alone...she is not the only little girl that has lost her hero. I told her one day soon she will meet Landon and Tyler. I pray that one day she will find peace in her life....I ordered her a necklace in honor of her Mommy. She wanted one like mine. If I can make that little girl smile my day will be a little better. I gave her one of your pins, it brought a smile to her face because she thought she looked like a police officer like her mommy with it on.

I ambushed poor Nick when he was drunk and asked him to take me down there and then to counseling....I still don't like to drive in Columbus by myself. I know eventually I will need to learn. I cried the other night on the way to Angie's house because I was doing it myself. It scares me and I don't know why. Another of my irrational fears. Matt and I talked about it the other night. I know I need to conquer some of these things myself....I know I can do these things alone and eventually I will I just don't know when. I hope all your buddies know how much I appreciate these little things they do for me. I really don't know what I would do without them. Someone changed the light bulbs for me...probably Brian. I think you keep making them go out on purpose. You're probably mad because I haven't stocked up on them and you know I have a hard time reaching them. Maybe revenge for the T-shirt. You're not getting the last word dear....

Mom and Rick are still in the hospital. Missy is getting a headache now. I hope she doesn't get it too. She is exhausted and really worried about them. I didn't make it down yesterday, it was too busy. I am scared to go in the room because I don't want to get it. What will I do with the boys. I hope they understand. Today an ice storm is coming or I would go down to visit. Watch over them and help make them better.

I need to get started on this house. It is a disaster. Missing you as always. Love you.

Sara

January 5, 2005

Sara -

Your article is amazing. You let others into your heart and I respect you for the strength and courage you show.

Winfield family friend

January 5, 2005

Bran,

Last night was our first bowling night. It was okay. It was wierd watching the guys and not hearing your goofy laugh or seeing your smile as you hold two bags of bowling garb. I even thought about your "shoe condom" that you always wore...is that weird that I thought of that?

I really think that reality is setting in for me...well, for all of us. We managed to get through the holidays, but this first year is going to be rough.

I really can not believe that I won't see you here on earth any more. My brain really can't accept that thought when I try to thik about everything that has happened. It just doesn't seem possible. Can this all still be a dream?

Cory has started midnights. I cried the first night he left for work. Please be his second passenger...

This all makes me so sad and angry and sick...it just is not fair!!! You should still be here with us!!!! You should be here for Sara and the boys. I hate was has happened...I hate it.

Please help me to find some sort of way to continue being there for the family. Give us all strength.

Really miss you...
Linds

Lindsey

January 4, 2005

Bran,
I finished my article for the COPS newsletter....Linda loved it. I hope people understand what I am trying to say.....

October 14, 2004 5:30 A.M., my phone rang. Most people would panic, but I thought maybe it was my husband, Brandy, calling to tell me it was foggy and to take extra time getting to work. He often did that. I mentally noted to yell at him later for calling so early. When I picked up the phone it was my father-in-law, Rick, his voice sounded panicked. He told me, “They found Brandy’s cruiser upside down in a ditch, they are on the way to the hospital, get the boys up and meet us there.” I jumped out of bed and threw on some clothes. My mind was racing and I was starting to panic. A million scenarios were rolling through my mind. I called my boss to tell her that I probably wouldn’t be to work. I put clothes on my three year old son, Landon. I yanked Tyler, my 21 month old son, out of his crib and put some clothes on him. He looked at me confused because I was in such a hurry. This wasn’t normal. I remember thinking maybe Bran had fallen asleep; he worked so many hours and didn’t sleep as much as he should. My heart was racing and I didn’t feel like I could move fast enough. I threw both kids in our van and headed out for the hospital. As I turned onto the road leading to the emergency room, I thought it must be bad. My in-laws hadn’t called to tell me that everything was okay and to take my time.

I walked through the doors of the emergency room lobby as a nurse was walking out. I had Tyler in my arms and Landon was holding my hand. She asked if I needed to see a doctor. I said, “No, they brought my husband here, he is a deputy.” I could tell by the look of pity and shock on her face that the news wasn’t good. She hesitated then said, “Let me take you back to the ER”. She repeated this several times as I stood there staring at her. I said, “He didn’t make it did he?” She said, “No we couldn’t save him.” I know my heart sank, I know I wanted to cry but I didn’t. The news was so devastating that I just felt numb. I followed her back to the ER. My mother-in-law grabbed me and started crying. I heard someone say Brandy was shot. I grabbed Landon and took him to a room. I told him that a bad man had shot his Daddy. I told him his Daddy was hurt really bad and he died. That meant that we weren’t going to see Daddy anymore. I am not sure what all happened next. It is a blur of events. I know a doctor approached me and told me about Brandy’s injuries. I know my father-in-law asked if I wanted to see Brandy. I refused, I didn’t want to remember him that way. I remember calling different people to tell them the news. Many people were showing up at the emergency room to find out what happened.

At some point I ended up back at my house. Time seemed to be racing past. People were coming in and out of my house. Most people were just standing around not sure what to do. In the early afternoon a city police officer approached me. He said, “Sara, there are two ladies from Ohio COPS here that would like to talk with you. Is it okay if they come in?” I remember thinking, who the heck are these people and what do they want. Linda Pope and Angie McDowell introduced themselves. I didn’t know it at the time but I had just met my new family and two of the woman that would become my saviors in the months to come.

In the months since that tragic day I have discovered a lot about myself. Things that I never wanted to discover but have been forced to discover. I have met a group people that know exactly how I feel and had to discover the same things about themselves in the same manner that I did. It took the death of people we loved to bring us all together. I have spent many hours with different members of our group. A group I never wanted to be a part of but wouldn’t give up now that I am here. I have witnessed first hand the changes that have occurred in our lives because of the fate we were dealt. I have learned that it doesn’t have to knock you down. You can pull yourself up from the depths of the hell that becomes your life. You can survive. I have learned about the journeys of those that have come before me. In their stories I have found hope. It is this hope that helps me get out of bed every morning. I know that my life will go on; even on the days it hurts to breathe. I know that eventually I will come out the other side of this event. I have seen the changes that death has brought to all of our lives. It doesn’t have to be negative. You can turn it into whatever you want.

Unfortunately one thing I have learned is that more people will join our group. I also know that I want to be there for the people that come after me. I want to be at the door of the next survivor. I want to be at the funeral and calling hours paying my respects to their hero. I want to be there in the moments when they feel like they can’t breathe or move. I want to tell them that you can make it. I want them to know that they aren’t walking this path alone. We never walk alone in our pain. We have angels looking over our shoulders guarding our path in life and we have each other to hold hands and face this journey together. I am thankful every day that I have found people that know how I feel, will never judge me, and will hold my hand in this journey no matter where it takes me.

Sara

January 4, 2005

Bran,
I thougth I would get the first word in I hope on the first night of bowling. I went to the hosue and picked Sara up and got the bowling balls that I always used, even the snot ball. Tonight was hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be. There were a lot of friends there and things went as normal except for one large missing person, but I know you were watching over all of us and having a good time. I thougt I might do better as I done pretty good on game one but then my true colors came back. I know you would be proud. C- Dub tried keeping up and done pretty darn good at least for 1.5 games. Then things went back to the normal. Nick done pretty good after I introduceded him to the snot ball, at least for game 2 and then game 3 all of us done the normal low game and got beat. Well thats how it normally went. Brother I miss you and it was hard to be there witout you tonight but I know you are proud of all of us. Keep an eye on us and leep that smile looking over us.
Love, Matt

Firefighter M. Wollett

January 3, 2005

Gone From My Sight

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says, "There, she is gone!"
Gone where?
Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says, "There, she is gone!" there are eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes! - and that is dying.


For the Christian, death does not end with a period or a question mark. It ends with a comma, life continues with God.

January 3, 2005

Bran,
I am at Missy's house waiting on Hayden to get home from school. Rick and Mom both have viral meningitis. Rick is in the hospital and Mom is in the ER. Can much more happen to our family?? The kids spent the weekend at Missy and Rick's and I am praying they don't get this too.

I had planned on cleaning the house today. Organizing all those Christmas toys....Kathy said she would pick it up for me since I had to come to Marysville. I thank you everyday for Kathy and Brian. I don't know what I would do without them. They are here for me no matter what I ask. I need to do something really nice for them.

I want to plan a memorial service for you. Something where we can all reflect on your life and have fun. No more of those sad things. Just something I can invite all your buddies, family, co-workers to get together and remember you. I still need to finish your video also. So much to do and I haven't been motivated enough to do it. I am feeling better now that the holidays are over.

Angie and I were discussing how the holidays make you feel and you don't even realize it is happening to you. It is odd to not have any control over your emotions or feelings. It is worse than when I was pregnant and out of control with my emotions....you would be staying clear of me right now.

I was thinking about that cell phone and rememebered that the one you had wasn't the one you bought on New Years. I had forgotten that you ran over that cell phone. I started laughing because I remembered how mad you were. You walked down the street and picked up the pieces of that cell phone and were cussing. I rubbed it in your face that you didn't need it in the first place. You were so mad that night. I made you buy a really cheap replacement. Then you went out and bought another expensive one behind my back. You were always doing that...that is why you were buried in your law enforcement for Bush T-shirt. I always have the final say in our arguments...Don't even try.

Well missing you as always. I love you. Watch us all at bowling tonight. Let me beat your brother that would make the night worth it.

Love you. Miss you.

Sara

January 3, 2005

miss you man

January 2, 2005

Bran - A new year is now here, I hope it can be a better one than last year. I never thought by the time I was only 30 I would have a loss so profound in my life. I was supposed to be a lot older when things like this happened. So was Sara, Landon and Tyler.

Sara, Mom and I were at your house last week, we were leaving to go out to lunch and we saw a circle rainbow. A rainbow on each side. Bran I knew right then you are watching over her. I haven't seen a rainbow like that since I was in Hawaii. It's so strange that Mom, Mike, Rick & myself, and you and Sara all got married in Hawaii and I know you sent that rainbow to let us know you are with us. It was a hard day, because we had just left the arraingment and it was like you were saying, I love you and I'm with you. Thank you for the little things that show us you are still here. I had the boys on New Year's Eve. I wanted to let them stay up and have sparkling grape juice at midnight, but we were all tired and asleep by 9:00. We are a fun bunch huh?

Logan has me up early, she has been sick. I was just holding her and she fell asleep in my arms and I looked at her and it makes me appreciate that we all have beautiful, precious babies. We are lucky, they are all great little kids. They are what got us through these holidays. I remember how much you loved my kids too... I won't let them grow up without knowing how much you loved them. Hayden already knows.

We miss you terribly. Love you just as much as we miss you.

Missy

Missy

January 2, 2005

Sara-
I saw you at the cemetery a few weeks ago and gave you the card that I was planning on mailing you that day. I told you that I go there often on my lunch break, and I think about you and the boys everyday. I never had the chance to meet you before, but had met Brandy a few times. My ex-husband also has told me many stories about him, about working with him, and the dive trainings that they did. If you need someone to scream at, call me anytime, I would just let you be angry and promise not to give the pity that seems like can sometimes be too much.
When your heart is aching..I would lend you mine..yours will heal, even if you might sometimes think you cant handle the thought. And when you feel all alone and you have had another sleepless night..close your eyes, and just breathe because he is always there.

January 1, 2005

Bran,

Happy New Year!!!

I had fun last night. It was good to be surrounded by people that I didn't know. I didn't get that many pity eyes. I was just a stranger at the party until they were introduced to me. Even then they were good about it. They have all been there, it wasn't so bad. I found a new drink of choice....of course it just made me sleepy. Absolute Citron, lemons, and water...it is smooth. And it had me asleep on the couch upstairs by 10:30. A few minutes until midnight Angie and Mark dragged me off the couch and back to the basement. This year I saw the New Year...but I didn't get my phone call.

I didn't think it would be hard but it was....not as bad as Christmas though. I don't know what set me off I think it was something Angie said but I started to cry. Mark grabbed me to try to cheer me up and I ended up sobbing in his shirt. All I could think was this starts my first full year without you. Angie said she is at 3 years and it hasn't gotten any easier. I did sleep good though, maybe it was the drink. I didn't wake up until 11:30 and didn't dream anything either. I am glad I went with Angie and Mark. I feel better whenever I spend time with them. It gives me hope that life can continue.

I talked to Linda tonight. I am going with her next month to do a speech on grief and death notification. We are also working on the health benefits and line of duty death stuff. Linda also gives me hope....hope that I can take care of other survivors. She is helping me forge that new path. I know it will take time but know what I want to do also. She wants me to write an article for the next newsletter. I guess I better start thinking about what I want to write. I think I might be getting some ideas.

The last couple days my heart hurts everytime I see a picture of you. I just want to cry. When I look at your face I remember that I won't see you again. It hurts so bad....it is starting to be a reality and that is what I really don't want it to be. I really want it to be a really bad nightmare.....

I had a good night with the boys. Getting out of the house and away for a while helps me with that. I feel more capable of dealing with it all alone when I have had some time away. They both had their moments but overall it was a good night. We played a couple of games, watched a movie, and played basketball. Ty made a basket!!! We ate frozen pizza. They gave themselves a bath while I watched, it was rather comical. They both went to bed with no problems. Landon did say there was an orange monster in his room so he is asleep in our bed right now. I will carry him to bed later. He is getting really heavy. Heck pretty soon he will be taller than me, not that it takes much.

Monday is the first night of the police and fire bowling league. I am sure it will be a hard night. Everyone will feel your absence there. Hopefully not too many of the guys will try to throw the ball like you or we will have a lot of guys on injury leave. Matt called tonight and wants to get your bowling bag tomorrow. I told him to take it, not that he can do it honor (just teasing Matt) but I know he will try. Our team goal this year will be to not come in last place....I think we can do it!!! Hopefully everyone can have fun even though we will all be thinking of you. We are going to get a team together for the Police and Fire Games too. I refuse to stay in a motel room with Monte and Rick though.... You are braver than I is all I can say.

Well I better start my article for Linda. Angie told me Krissy and Tod are in Maui. I think I will try to call them and ask them to find our beach. Maybe leave something there for us. Love you. Miss you.

Sara

January 1, 2005

Sara,
We pray for you and your family everyday. Hoping and praying 2005 will bring you healing. This letter was printed in the FOP Capital City Lodge #9 newsletter. It touched me deeply and I wanted to share it. Having just lost Officer Melissa Foster it has been rough on us. I know Brandy and Melissa have made fast friends in Heaven and are watching over us all. Blessings and hugs to you and the boys.
_____________________________________

I had the sad misfortune of going to Deputy Winfield's funeral. I do not know Deputy Winfield or his family, yet we have a strong connection. I am a police officer's wife. Everyday, I kiss my husband goodbye and hope it's not the last. Everyday, my small children give Daddy 5 kisses on the cheek and one on the forehead. I don't know if they know all of the dangers of Daddy's job but I know they know the importance of their goodbye ritual. I have received phone calls about my husband being involved in an injury accident and incidents where he has been injured. I have received phone calls from friends whose husbands have been seriously injured or involved in a shooting. I have exchanged phone calls with other "cop" wives because we "just didn't have a good feeling" and our anxiety and fear is high. I have made my husband dinner at 11 at night because he spent his dinner money on a hungry child who has been removed from their home. I have stayed up until 4 in the morning because he was so distraught by a murder or the fact that he was with someone who died completely alone and was discovered 3 weeks later. I have gone to many functions alone because he serves his community proudly. We have spent holidays and special occasions without him. This is the life of a law enforcement officer's family. We accept it as part of the calling of our spouses and part of our lives. We proudly support our husbands. We take care of them and let them know how much we love them.
But I wonder, does our community support our officers? I pick up the paper or watch the news and it seems they are quick to point out how many officers have had complaints made on them, investigations that are occuring for misconduct, excessive force and you name it. I am asking you, to think about when was the last time you thanked a law enforcement officer? That officer is a person. A Daddy, Mommy, Husband, Wife, Son, Daughter, Brother or Sister. Someone deeply loves that person. Everyday they put their uniform on and proudly walk out their door to protect and serve their community without thought to the risk they may be taking.
I am simply asking you, before you criticize a police officer, think about what they are doing to keep you safe. Think about the ultimate duty they are doing for the community you live in. And most of all, when you see an officer, say "THANK YOU".
Tonia Drake
Canal Winchester

Police Officer's Wife
Columbus Police Department

January 1, 2005

Brandy, you were my buddy, I miss you and think of you every day. Sara, we never met, but I feel like i know you so much from your reflections...God Bless you.

Ohio Deputy

December 31, 2004

Sara,
I wish I could tell you that everyday things will get easier and someday you will feel normal, however I can not. What I can tell you is that everyday that you force yourself out of bed and do the daily routine of things, is a day longer than you acturally thought you would be able to make it. Your sons will grow up knowing everything good and pure about your husband, but most of all they will be thankful that they had you. And when they get older and tell you, "Mom, we are so proud to be your son" you will realize that the only thing that really made a difference to them is that you were able to be strong enough to keep it all together for them. I am the wife of a widower with children and I love them dearly. And the only thing I can do is be there to listen to any of them whenever they need me. I will never understand thier pain. And when my husband looks at me and tells me that he never thought he would ever be able to have feelings of love again and to acturally be able to feel love... I am just thankful that I can make him smile and I can let our children have thier childhood back. You will never forget, but for today... just remember to breathe.

A VOICE

December 31, 2004

Brandy,
Its New Years Eve and it totally sucks to think that your not going to be here with Sara and the boys. Chip and I keep talking about the last couple of times we saw you. It seems like so little but now memories are all we have of you. We brought you a poinsetta the day of Trevor's funeral its probably buried in the snow now. Give Trevor a hug for us. It seem so unfair that now there are five little boys without Daddies, and two wonderful wives left to deal with it. I had the shirt on with your name on it the night we were called for Trevor on the way to the hospital in the squad I kept looking down at it and somehow I kept getting a flood of much needed strength. Chip just kept saying not again, not again. How can you lose two good friends in two months and be expected to pick up and go on. To quote Sara THIS SUCKS!! We sent her a Christmas card with our number in it so she knows Chip will fix anything he can if needed. He was so glad when you called to see if he could fix your A/C he felt like he could finally do something for you after all you did for us. We will miss you stopping by at midnight for a pop during our bonfires. You would have been proud I went to work early the other day (4:30am)and no one else was there and I wasn't scared. I know that sounds stupid but knowing you hadn't checked out the parking lot yet like you used to made me not want to be there alone. I was so glad to see your face the day I called when someone tried to break in behind me. Well I better go our family is coming over. We miss you terribly. It's not the same with out you. Keep watching over Sara and your family and keep us save. Love and Miss you!
Chip and Sarah

Chip and Sarah Myers
PTFD friends of Brandy

December 31, 2004

We miss you so much.....

December 31, 2004

sara,
our thoughts and prayers are with you and the boys everyday but especially this time of year. our hearts go out to you and your family as the trial quickly approaches. justice will be served.

marion, ohio

December 31, 2004

Happy New Year Brandy

Sara,

I have never met you, only Brandy, but I am feeling your pain with you just by reading your letters. Just know that we are thinking of you and your family on this New Years and you will be in our hearts when the trial starts. I know its going to be so hard to have to relive this horrible nightmare when it begins. I hope the coward is brought to justice.

P.S. Me and my girls would have enjoyed your grilled cheese and soup :)

Happy New Year
Be Safe

Ryan & Amy Caldwell

December 31, 2004

Bran,
One year ago today you were out buying cell phones we didn't need and couldn't afford. I came home to a wrapped package on the counter. You were in the shower. I know you jumped in when you heard the car pull in the drive so I couldn't be mad at you. You wrote me that letter that will forever be with me. I let you keep your cell phone but took mine back. I am still using that old cell phone...I can't get yours back. It is evidence. Happy New Years Eve...Maybe I will buy a new cell phone next week..you always wanted me to get a new one.

Tonight I am going out with Angie. I didn't normally go out but I think I need it. I will be surrounded by people that don't know me. Hopefully I won't get those pity eyes from everyone. They all know but they have all been through it with Angie.

Tomorrow starts our first new year without you. I know the next year will be the hardest. I don't want to get used to living life without you. But we are forced to do it. I keep thinking each day will get a little easier but it doesn't really. It is more like a roller coaster...up down spiraling circles forward backwards. Some days are good some are bad. Sometimes it is moment to moment.

I went out with Missy, Rick, Lynn, & Bill last night. We saw a movie and went out to dinner. It took my mind off things for awhile. It is always still there though.

Bacon kept me awake most of the night. He was restless from being penned up so long. He kept whining to get in bed with me then jumping out of bed a few minutes later. Landon woke Ty up at 6am. So I didn't sleep much last night. We'll see how long I last tonight.....Angie won't let me be a wimpy tired girl I know that much.

Well I better get in the shower while Ty is napping.

Love you and miss you.

Happy New Year.........

Sara

December 31, 2004

Sara,

People across America are thinking of you and praying for you and your boys.

Oklahoma

I would've walked through sleet and snow to have your girlled cheese sandwhich and soup with you.

December 31, 2004

Sara,

Words don't even begin to express my sadness towards you and your boys. I don't know you but my worst nightmare is your reality. I think all to often people forget that behind every good police officer is a good woman! Based on your reflections, it sounds like you are doing the best you can with what you were dealt! You too have also made the ultimate sacrafice. For this I pray for you and your boys and hope that as time passes the healing can start. You have a long road ahead and I am sure there are so many people out there who want to help you...let them! Lean on others for strength and let them carry you through this.

My wish for the New Year is that you find peace and for your boys to grow up knowing their daddy is a hero and forever their gurdian angel!

Michigan

PS If I knew you, I would have been happy to drive over for soup and grilled cheese! :)

December 31, 2004