Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Mark, we came and visited with you today on Mother's Day while out at the cemetary visiting my mom. This is the first time we've seen your headstone, and I must say, it is beautiful. It represents just the wonderful kind of person that you are.

Yvonne, we send all our love and blessings with you and your family when you go to D.C. this week. I know it will be a tough journey for you, but please remember that we will all be thinking of you, Mark & Lily and praying for you during this difficult time. I know you will all wear Badge 76 proudly in honor of Mark.

Jen Brozowski

May 8, 2005

Yvonne, I want you all to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you on your journey this week. Please send all our love to everyone who is making the trip. Thanks again so much for all your support recently. I know Mark and Michael will be there too!! As you know,we all have days that seem harder to get through. If YOU need anything you can call. Have a safe trip and we'll see you soon. Kari

kari fry

May 7, 2005

yvonne and family.
its hard to believe that its been 11 months since your beloved mark's life was stolen. as i was driving into work today i saw a pick-up with a sticker on the back. when i was at the stop light it occured to me just what that sticker symbolized and who it was in honor of. it was in the shape of a police badge and as soon as i saw the date and the number 76 i knew it was in rememberance of mark. i just stared at the sticker. my mind went immediatly to your family.in reading the posts here on the sight i cant help but find myself fighting back the tears.god bless. your family continues to be in my thoughts and prayers

karrie

May 7, 2005

Mark

Well we are all heading up to lansing tonight to show our respect and admiration for your service and the way you lived your life, i know tonight you'll be around so do something funny as you know i get a kick out of it, ill be waiting and watching, it still is not real too me what happened and it will be hard to be there as well as DC next week but i can not imagine myself not going i want you to know how much i thought/think of you but im pretty sure you already know. Anyway softball has started we are 2-2 and you know how that breaks down (2-0 & 0-2) i miss hangin with you before/after no matter what i just cant find that same camraderie/brotherhood/competition or whatever you would call it, i wish i could have it back. Eddie and i have retired our golf discs probly forever at the least for awhile. We were wondering who is the current champ up there you or mike? Eddie destroyed me the last time we played so i guess hell be the champ down here for some time.PS he beat me on that same BS course that you hated too, we were so much alike in so many ways anyway i should probly go ill feel ya tonight. I love you -Donald

Donald Colpaert

May 2, 2005

Mark,

Where do I begin? I went to the cemetery yesterday. Lily fell asleep on the way there and slept through until we got to your mom's. We were supposed to stop and buy balloons. Lily wanted a green one. I asked her what color we should buy for you and she said "blue." I couldn't stop with her asleep, though. As soon as she woke up that was the first thing she asked about. I have such a hard time leaving the cemetery. I sit in the caravan and listen to George Strait with tears rolling down. I can't help but to expect to see you walking up to the car. The feeling is so strong that it takes everything in me just to drive away. I saw a police car again. Every time I am there alone or with Lily, a police car drives down Crooks Road. I feel like that's my sign from you. On the way there and all day my chest was hurting so bad. It literally feels like my heart is breaking. I scared poor Harold. He came to your mom & dad's last night. I think he wanted to take me to the clinic! I think it is just stress and anxiety. With all of the memorials and things coming up it is really affecting me. I haven't been sleeping much.

Joe came over to your mom & dad's last night to give us the things he made in Washington. You were such a good judge of character. I know how much you respected and liked Joe, and now I know why. The thoughtfulness and time that went into what he & Rose did is just amazing. I know your mom & I really appreciate having the first rubbings from the wall. By the way, Joe is #1 on the Sergeant's list. I know you are smiling about that one. You always talked about how much he taught you and what a great officer he is. He certainly is #1 in our book. Lily was saying "Hi, Joe" and laying her head on his knee!

I stayed the night at your parents last night. I was worried about driving home and being alone with this chest pain. I keep feeling like you are in the other room or that you are going to walk in at any moment. I remember when we lived with your parents for two months after moving out of the apartment. You were working afternoons in Detroit. I was so lonely without you. We didn't even have cable in the bedroom! Your dad & I would watch "Dark Angel" together. Your mom would make sure I ate breakfast and had something to take for my lunch. They still take care of me as if I were their daughter, too. I love them for that.

Lily can sing the theme song for Scooby-Doo now. She likes playing with her wood "puzzles". She can match all the pieces! She says "help, momma" when she can't turn the piece the right way. She also likes to "wash momma". She takes a baby wipe and scrubs my face, eyes, etc. Oh, and when she has a dirty diaper she says "ew, gross". She still asks for Donnie alot.

We say our prayers every night before I lay her in her crib. I always say "God bless daddy and all of our family and friends." We add people as needed. Well, now we say Mike after daddy. As soon as I lay her down she starts saying "daddy" because she knows what we say. She has been talking on her play phone lately. When I ask her who she's talking to she says Mike. The other day she was upset and said "I want daddy." I said I know, honey, mommy wants daddy, too. The hardest part of all of this is having to tell her about you. I shouldn't have to tell her. She should have you. I worry that I will forget things. I have started writing down little memories that I have so I won't forget.

I talked to Harold for two hours on the phone Friday night. He knows how I hate weekends. No plans, no one to come home to. I used to look forward to them and spending time with you and Lily. I told him how upsetting it is that my life is so unknown now. Everything was so certain before. I knew I would be married to you forever, I knew we were going to have another baby this summer, we were going to move, etc. It stresses me out to think about the future. I have no clue what it holds for Lily and I. It hurts that the future does not have you in it. At least not in the way that I want it to. I went to a meeting this summer, and they said that my life expectancy is something like 89 years. I lost it. How do I live 60 years without you? I can live today without you. I can even live tomorrow without you. But the rest of my life? Every time you left the house we would hug each other. I always held on so long. You would say "OK, I gotta go." I would say "No, hold me." I loved laying my head on your shoulder with your soft blue t-shirts that you loved wearing. We were the perfect fit. I am so glad that we never left angry. You knew that it bothered me not to say I love you when we hung up the phone or left each other. Remember the last time I got mad at you? You left to play disc golf and I didn't want you to go. You called me five minutes after you left and said "I love you." I said "I love you, too, but I'm still mad at you." You knew I couldn't stay mad after that, though.

I saw Todd's tattoo the other day. It amazes me that so many people have done things like this. You have touched so many people. I have thought about a tattoo. Well, for about a second I thought of it. You know I hate needles and I know you didn't like when girls had tattoos! I have many other things to reflect my love for you.

I was watching the movie The Outsiders the other day, it's one of my favorites. In it, he reads a poem by Robert Frost. The ending says "nothing gold can stay."

Mark, you were golden in every way.

I love you and miss you. XOXO

Yvonne

May 1, 2005

Yvonne,

I've sat at this computer and at this site countless times wondering why this whole nightmare had to happen. Each time I talk to you, see you and Lily or read something you've written to Mark, my heart breaks like it did that awful night in the hospital. At the time I kept thinking this can't really be happening. The doctors are all wrong, Mark will be fine. Even now there are times that it still doesn't seem real.

People always use to ask me how I slept at night with Jay working midnights and although I use to worry, especially if he was late getting home, I NEVER thought it would happen. I use to say that everything happens for a reason. What a stupid thing to say. What possible reason could there be for this? You know I've struggled with the whole religion thing especially when it comes to good people like Mark dying so senselessly and when innocent children suffer at the hands of evil adults. I keep hearing people saying things like, "God has a plan" or "God didn't do this" and I just want to scream. I keep hoping one day to feel differently and begin to understand it all, but I just don't forsee that happening.

You are always so strong. I know you hear that all the time, but it's only because it amazes those of us who see you, especially with Lily. Just know that I'm here if you ever feel like not being so strong.

I know DC is going to be so hard for you and for all of us. I worry about Jay because I know he thinks about Mark constantly. I'm hoping Mark will give him a little help on the bike ride because he hasn't exactly gotten his butt in shape if you know what I mean. That's a lot of sitting on a small bike seat. Good thing we don't plan on having any more kids!!!

Jay's had so much happen these last 2 years that I sometimes wonder what could possibly happen next. I hope I never find out. I know his friendship with Mark is something dear to him. You know Jay though, he doesn't talk much about his feelings, he'd rather show it by helping when he can and doing things like the Unity Tour.

On my way to work each morning I listen to at least one George Strait song and the tears inevitably fall, sometimes they just won't stop. But I won't pretend to even imagine how often they fall for you. I only wish I could make them stop. I don't believe that stupid saying that time heals all wounds. Losing Mark has affected so many lives that the wound can never be healed!

I know that life is so busy, especially with kids, and I wish that we could just go out like the "good old days" at Metro Music Cafe and Fifth Street Asylum but even if we could, I know it wouldn't be the same without Mark and Jay being out together too.

I want you to know that Lily is our 4th little girl. She has 2 big sisters and one little one that will ALWAYS be a part of her life. I love you and I hope you know thatI truly mean it. I'm not usually one who expresses my inner feelings very much and writing this has been EXTREMELY hard for me because I can hardly see the screen through the tears. When I read your many touching messages it gives me the strength to deal with having Jay out there each night. The messages your mom leaves are what make it so clear where you get your kind heart from. I was so glad to see that Faith has begun to write too and I don't know but something inside me just made me click to write one too.

Your house is beautiful and I am so happy for you and Lily. I KNOW it wasn't easy but it was the right thing to do. Well I guess once I got started writing I just couldn't stop. Sorry that it took me so long to leave a reflection. I just never could until tonight.

Yvonne, please know that I think of you and Lily constantly and I would do anything for you.

I'll see you soon! Tell Lily that the girls can't wait to see her soon and have some "Buckles".

With love,
Tammy

April 29, 2005

Mark,

It's unfortunate and sad to say that I never had the opportunity to meet you. I feel as though I know you from all the wonderful memories and stories I've heard from your family, friends and especially from Mike. Rarely did a day go by where Mike did not speak of you. I knew he respected and looked up to you. Now I know he is with you and that helps me get through the day.

Teresa

April 28, 2005

Mark,
I dreamt of you last night, after spending hours with Yvonne at your house just talking about everything. We talked a lot about believing that you are all around us, that you make sure we know you are there by the signs you give us. As we talked about feeling your presence, the lights flickered in your new house. We knew once again you were telling us you are here. We all talk to you so much we must drive you crazy. But we need that connection, it keeps us going.

The dream last night was so real, but strange at the same time. I dreamt you were in your squad car. I was with Yvonne and your Mom and we were going to go into a mall. For some reason in the dream, we drove through the doors and parked inside the mall lobby! You were not happy with us. You got out of the car, and walked up to me. I was so happy to see you that I just hugged and hugged you. It sounds strange, but I remember in the dream I was trying to inhale your scent as I hugged you. Maybe because Yvonne wrote that your clothes don't smell like you any more. I don't know, I just know that I was trying to hold on to every piece of you that I could. Then the dream went on to your house. All your friends, family and some close co-workers were there.

I guess we sometimes dream of what we cherish the most. You will forever be in my heart, and I pray that you are forever in my dreams where I can always hug you.

Love and miss you,
Mom #2

Diane Bawcum
Mother-In-Law

April 28, 2005

I am a citizen of Sterling Heights but also a girlfriend of an officer. I come to this website everyday and try to leave a message. I read these messages and I just cry, Yvonne in my heart I believe you are one of the strongest ladies, after reading some of your reflections it just amazes me how brave and grateful you are. Plz take care god bless Mark and your family

girlfriend of a PO

April 27, 2005

Terrible circumstances have brought your wife into my life. She is a wonderful woman raising an amazing daughter. I know how strong she is and how much of that strength she gets from your love. We have so much in common. I will be in DC with her just like you will be. I will be there if she needs me - that's what friends do. Wishing you so much peace and the strength to continue to watch over your family.
Katy Sherwood
wife of Deputy Kevin Sherwood
EOW October 9, 2003

April 26, 2005

Dear Mark,

I think about you every day.It is so hard going on. I know we have to be strong and we are trying. Everyone is looking after Yvonne and Lily. I hope you and Mike are playing a lot of disc golf. Life is not fair and I am so miffed that someone would do something so horrible. I am so proud of you for the person that you were. We still are finding out new things that you said, did or wrote down. Like you biography for the Detroit Police Academy. Yvonne found it saved and the last line meant a lot to me. Someone said maybe it would help with closer. Not really, nothing will bring closer to this. Not time, words, or anything. We will just do the best we can. Loving Yvonne and Lily is easy because it is loving you. Lily is so adorable and just like you in almost every way. I love you and miss you so much.

Mom

April 25, 2005

Yvonne, I am trying to write this message for the first time on this site so I may have made a couple errors. I just wanted to send all my love, thoughts and prayers to you and Lily. You and I have only met in very difficult circumstances and I just wanted to express my sympathy to you and Lily(if I haven't already). Also, thank you for your support the past two weeks in our difficult time. This has been unbelievably difficult and I know you know what I mean. Mark and Michael were both truly wonderful men and FATHERS. I know in my heart that they are together watching over Nathan and Lily. Once again, thank you and as always, all my love and prayers are with you. Hope to see you soon at the games. Kari

Kari

April 24, 2005

Dear Yvonne and Mark,

Yvonne I just wanted to let you know your new house is gorgeous! I know it was a tough decision to make for you but I know Mark would have wanted you to and he would be very proud of you!! I also heard that Casear left a little "marking" for you on your nice carpet (yikes)! Hopefully Lily is adjusting to the new house.

I know preparing for the trip to Washington will be tough, I know I am a little scared myself, but don't worry we will all be there to support each other and I know Mark will be there looking down on us and helping us through it.

Give Lily a big hug for all of us! Take care and God bless.

Dear Mark,
We all miss you very much. I know you are watching over all of us from up above and we will continue to watch over your family from down here as best as we can. I was really sorry to hear about your friend but hopefully his pain is ended and you are keeping each other company. I don't know what you can do from up there exactly but your FTO (although he never shows it) along with your entire family could use your support through Washington D.C. and during the dedication of your Park.
Miss you, God Bless.

Fellow Officer & Friend Colleen
SHPD

April 22, 2005

Mark,

Well we are all moved in, thanks to the help of your friends and coworkers. Lily loves the freedom of running through the house, and especially her play room. We need to get her playset still. She sees the other kids and wants "slide" and "swing". I haven't been able to write as much because our computer is not hooked up yet. There is so much that I've wanted to say though.

We had a horrible weekend during the move. One of your best friends is no longer with us. I will miss so many things about Mike. He was such a warm and sensitive guy. I miss hearing him say "Sawyers" the funny way he said it. He helped me several times these last 10 months. I remember at the Wouter's softball tourney I got very upset and he just hugged me forever. I will never understand the choices he made, but I have some peace in knowing that he is with you. He always looked up to you and loves you so much. I know that you are guiding him in heaven now. I picture you two playing disc golf and softball. Remember when we took Mike to Kentucky for the family reunion? He traveled all the way there so you guys could play a disc golf course there. We have all made promises to look after Nathan. He is such a sweet and handsome little boy. My heart breaks for him.

Lily and I went to the softball game yesterday. She wanted to see Donnie. She cried "I want Donnie." She has gotten so attached to him lately. He, of course, loves it. I tease him and ask him if he has that effect on all women. Lily wanted to "catch." She went out on the diamond and was throwing the softball down. It was so hard being there because for so many years I came to watch you play. You should still be playing. I watched everyone run out onto the field as I have many times before and found myself in tears. Two of you are missing now.

Washington D.C. is coming up. I am dreading it. This has been a difficult month, and I know that this will be even harder. The NLEOMF called to say that AMW and other stations want to film the engraving of your name on the wall. She said you were picked out of 100 some people for this. It was sweet of her to call and let me know this, but I broke down after I hung up. I don't want your name on that wall. I want you home.

Jason is riding your bike for the unity tour. That means a lot to me, because a part of you will be there. He put the badge decal on the bike. He brought it over the other day and I let Lily sit on it. She wanted to hold on to the handlebars but couldn't reach. So she said "lily's bike" and proceeded to push her ride along all over the driveway instead.

Lily now likes George Strait. She says "daddy's songs". The other day she wanted them on so as it started playing she says, "Momma, I like it" with a big smile. How did you change her mind? She also likes throwing rocks into the pond at my mom & dad's. She says the rocks say "bloomp." She makes me laugh so much. I don't know what I would do without her. She is my everything.

I know you heard me talking to you the other day. It took me a while to realize it, but I got it. Donnie said that you're laughing at all the crazy signs that we get from you. The phone thing made me smile. The odds of that happening are astounding. That's how I know it has to be you.

I miss you so much. I love you. XOXO

Yvonne

April 22, 2005

Mark, Im sure you already know this but today is opening of softball season and i have found myself thinking of you often today and it has brought me to tears a couple of times knowing that although i know you'll be there you wont be able to play with us. I miss you so much and days like this just reinforce that. We have ordered the coolest team softball jerseys i have ever seen and they are all in your honor we will all be #76 and they are that ugly orange that you are so fond of. Anyway be with us tonight as always i will take all your equipment. i love you - Donald

donald colpaert

April 21, 2005

Mark, The softball season starts tonight and it won't be the same without you. Everyone has been working so hard on getting the team (76ers) shirts just right. We know that you will be there for the 1st pitch.

Please also keep an eye on Mike for us. We know he will be sitting next to you, watching also. It has been a difficult week for everyone but we know that you now have each other and that you will be our guardian angels. We will keep you in our prayers and thoughts always.

Jen

April 21, 2005

Washington DC...

I never thought I would dread this journey.

But I also never thought I would be preparing to honor one of my own.

I miss you so much Mark!

Love,

A Member of your SHPD Family

Friend & co-worker
Sterling Heights PD

April 20, 2005

I did not know you personally Mark, but I want to send my deepest sympathies and wishes of support to your family. Your family is experiencing so many of our family's worst fears, and I feel so bad that they are enduring this. Your wife sounds like such a strong and loving woman, it reminds me so much of my own relationship and really hits home hard. When ever I have lost close loved ones, I have always hoped and begged for some kind of sign that they were still with me. From your wife's posts it sounds like you are able to do that for her, and I'm sure that means so much to her and your daughter. You will never be forgotten by your brotherhood and I will remember your sacrifice every night that I put on my uniform and pin on my badge. I can only hope that I will be able to touch as many lives as you have during my new career. My thoughts go out to your family.

new police ofc. in Mich.

April 14, 2005

Mark, jay just told me about this websiti am sorry i did not now about it sooner i would have called before. please forgive me. i have so much to say that i really dont know where to start. you were right about the horse last year he did not win the triple crown and i know you know that the pistons beat the lakers hard to believe eh? i played disc golf for the first time since the other day and it just wasnt even close to the same thing without out i dont know if i will play anymore at least for a little while i hope you know where the best courses are in heaven but you porbly got them all figured out already so i know your waiting to beat me again. i feel your presence at softball every week, i take all your stuff bags gloves and bats and we all touch your gloves as we come in and leave the dugout we are now the 76ers and that will be our name permanately so at least no one has to hear any more of my stupid names you were the only one who got them anyway. but it will never be the same with out you. i know you have been there to help me out of trouble or problems that i have gotten myself into the past 10 months and i am very appreciative you know i need the help. You should be very proud of yvonne she is so strong and caries herself with a certain air of dignity and grace you are lucky to have found someone like that, she does great with lilly and carries your name with pride and honor, she has even made an incredible effort to try and tolerate and understand some of my behaviors and that has meant so much to me, Lilly is getting big and for whatever reason seems to have taken to me alittle bit latley we all had fun on the vacation. still too many chiefs in this family and not enough indians but then again its always been that way hasnt it? well gotta go for now i miss you, i love you, stay with me whenever you can i know when your around some of the things you have done are quite funny and it comforts me talk to ya soon cuz----Donald

April 11, 2005

To Yvonne, Lily and all of Mark's family and friends...

I am not certain about a lot of things in this life. I don't know why horrible things happen to the good and honorable people in this world. I don't know why God chose to take Mark from you, and I intend to ask Him these questions when I get there.

But there are things I have ultimate faith in. I know that the love we share with one another while we are here never dies. I know that Mark is so proud of the way you are all carrying on - even when there are days you don't feel like you can get out of bed - he is with you, cheering you on. I also have faith and hope that one day, your memories and love and laughter will outshine your grief.

May it help you all to know that EVERY DAY, there are friends (even some you have never met) praying for God's peace and comfort for all of you.

Mark is the hero in heaven. You are the heroes here on earth.

With much love and with prayer that God will continue to be with you all.

April 8, 2005

Yvonne and Lily, you are in our prayers. We are so sorry that your pain is just as awful now as it was in the beginning. Moving must be hard for you. Mark's spirit has never left your side. Take his things with you when you move if leaving them behind is too hard on you. When the time is right to let go of his personal belongings and clothes, you will know it. But until you are ready, hold them close to your heart. You are a very strong and courageous woman, wife and mom. When you are feeling weak and sad, remember that there are so many people thinking of and praying for you and Lily. A tragedy has made you and Lily a part of the lives of many, many people across the country, as is with other widows. When you need a lift, we are there for you in prayer. God bless!

Up North in Michigan

April 6, 2005

Mark,

We made it back safely. I got very anxious/panicky on the flight out. Thank goodness your mom was there to help with Lily. She slept for two hours in her arms. The flight home was much better. I had a sense of peace come over me. Lily slept for three hours on my lap. Once we landed I started crying, though. Relief I guess that we were O.K.

Lily wanted her aunt "Shell" during the whole trip. She loves her so much. I think it's because she reminds her of you. Or maybe it's because she knows how special she was to you. Later she thought it was hysterical to watch Don go down the slide. I heard him call her "Lily-girl." It shocked me because I haven't heard that in so long. That was your name for her.

Lily enjoyed swimming and playing on the beach. She is such a happy, fun-loving little girl. She watched Elmo and Barney on the portable DVD player. She did not want to take a bath, though. I guess after all of that swimming she didn't want to come back and get in the tub.

I wanted to walk on the beach by myself one night. I started to walk out there, but I got scared. The pathway was not very well lit, and I started to think that it was pretty stupid of me not to tell anyone where I went and go by myself at night. I thought of Lily, and I turned around. It was difficult being there without you.

Lily and I have been taking many walks. It's her favorite thing now. Yesterday was a first. She pooped on the potty! She told my mom she had to poop, but after she did, she cried! It was so funny. So then we had to name everyone that poops on the potty so she'd feel better. Hey, she's your kid!

These last couple of days have been extremely difficult. I don't know if it's because we are moving on Saturday, or that today is the 5th, or just everything. Last night was rough. I stood in front of your closet and held your clothes. I just wanted a part of you, in any way. But your clothes don't even smell like you anymore. I look at your closet and I don't want to move out of our house. I don't want to do anything with your stuff. I know it's because I don't want to acknowledge or believe what has happened. Moving means that it's all true. I can't deny it or pretend that you are coming home.

There is nothing like this pain. I met with another widow a few weeks ago. She was very nice and easy to talk to. She has three girls. For the first time, I looked into someone's eyes and I saw myself. The same circles under the eyes and the mysterious emptiness and sadness within them that people may see but never understand. A part of us died, too.

I was singing a George Strait song to Lily the other day and she said
"daddy's song" I don't know how she knew that, but she did. So I did an experiment last night. I know you'd appreciate this. I sang a few of his songs and she kept saying "daddy's song." So I tried singing other artist's songs to see if she'd still say it. She didn't. Only when I sang George Strait songs did she say it. Particularly "Amarillo by Morning." It's amazing.

I dreamt about you again. Your hair was longer than normal; you needed it cut because it was pretty curly. I saw you and smiled a surprised, happy smile. You got in your truck to leave and I started screaming NO and ran after you. I couldn't catch you. One day maybe I will.

I love you and miss you. XOXO

Yvonne

April 5, 2005

Yvonne,
I will continue to pray for you and Lilly. As I gear up for DC this year, I hope I have the honor of meeting you. I know Mark is watching over Lilly and I KNOW she sees him and speaks to him. Children see much more than we do and God allows them to see their heros. Mark is there.

God Bless you...

March 31, 2005

To The Sawyer Family,

I am so saddend for you all. I don't know what to write. I do know that time heals. I have lost some very great friends. My heart goes out to Lily. I have a young girl myself. There is NEVER a day that goes by where I do not count my blessings. Mark knows that you miss him and he knows that you love him. Yvonne, the reflections you leave are so warm. Mark hears you so well. You are making him smile.

God Bless

Officer Jim L.

March 28, 2005

Every day the same thoughts return from the day before. It never goes away.

How could this have happened to you? It can't be real, but it is.

I don't know how we get through the day when our hearts are so heavy, only to face another tomorrow without you.

We love and miss you so much Mark,
Your Family

March 28, 2005