Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Dear Mark,

It is Christmas Eve and I have already taken down the tree. We had our family get-together yesterday so for me it is over. Lily spent the night last night. She always sleeps with me. As I looked at her next to me I see you. Not just in looks but actions too. She is you all over.
Yvonne, Lily and I went out to White Chapel today. It was so painful. We miss you so much. We lit the candle that lasts for a week, left ballons and a flower decoration from Lily that says DAD. I pulled her to the site on her sled. She loves sledding. Someone left another gift bag with your name on it. Lily enjoyed the candy. I think it is a co-worker. They are such thoughtful people. They have been so good to us. I had lunch with Tom and John Thursday. Like I said, great people. All of them. Anyways, we are driving out to watch Lily open her presents early tomorrow. I will be thinking of you as I watch her. I love and miss you. Merry Christmas to you and to Mike.

Love Mom

December 24, 2005

Mark,

Merry Christmas in Heaven, my friend. Smile down on Yvonne and Lily in the morning…It will be a beautiful sight watching her open her gifts from Santa! I’m sure he’ll spend extra time at their house because she is such a good little girl!! I miss ya Sawyers. Merry Christmas!

Kathy

December 24, 2005

Mark,

Christmas is fast approaching. I can't believe how many things I bought for Lily. I know I spoiled her, but I can't help it. I think part of it is that I can't buy you any gifts. I miss that. Lily is very excited, saying Santa is going to come and leave presents and candy. She says "Christmas coming?" We are headed down to your mom & dad's today for our get together.

Lily asked me yesterday if God died. I think she's starting to try to understand. I told her no, God didn't die, daddy died. Those were the hardest words I've ever had to say. I had not been able to say that to her until yesterday. I always said daddy is in heaven. She said, "oh, did Mike die? and the Buddha fish died?" I said yes, they are all in heaven together.

This morning as I was getting ready, she got very upset. She kept saying, mommy who's calling your name? Who's calling Yvonne? Who's calling my name? Who's saying Lily? I said no one, honey, no one's here. I said you hear someone calling us? She said yes. She made me check the garage because she was so sure someone was here. Makes me wonder if it was you?

I remember our first Christmas with Lily. We each bought her something without telling the other what it was. That was Andrea's idea that I liked so much and decided we should do it. You bought her that big dinosaur stuffed pillow. It roars and and each thing on its back does something different. She loved biting on it! I have that dinosaur in her closet, for her to keep always.

I was finishing my shopping yesterday and got so upset. I saw a few things I would have bought for you. Clothes, computer games, the usual. But one thing at the end of the aisle made me stop and almost cry. I must have stood there for ten minutes looking at it. It was a key finder. It had five tags to go on different keys or items, and a base unit that you could hit the button to find what you needed. I thought about how you needed that. All those times we were ready to leave the house and you had to hunt for all of your things. You would have laughed at that present. I think you would have used it, too.

I was thinking the other day about how Lily would be different if you were here. What aspects of her personality, games she would like to play, and so on. It's only me and our family and friends that influence her. But what things would the two of you have shared and enjoyed? It hurts that she is going to be a different person because you are not here. We still talk about you every day. She told me today that she had your hands, mouth, eyes, etc.

I had such a vivid dream a few nights ago. I dreamt that I was sleeping, and I heard you come into the bedroom. I woke up and looked at the clock, it was a little after midnight. You asked if I surprised you. I said yes. You came over and laid with me, hugging me. It was like when you came home from work. We were so happy to see each other, excited and surprised. But in the dream you were trying to tell me we couldn't be together anymore. The pained expression on your face showed that you knew you had died, but didn't want to tell me that. You just told me we couldn't be together anymore. That dream was such an emotional roller coaster. I was so happy when you walked in the room. Then to wake up and realize it was a dream hurt so bad. It felt so real, you were so close to me. It was like losing you all over again. I was glad to have the dream and feel like I was with you, but so depressed to wake up from it. The whole next day was a very solemn day for me. I just couldn't get over that dream.

I held my work Christmas party at our house. It went very well. You would have enjoyed it. At one point when a few people were introducing their spouses it was difficult for me, but I got through it. You always loved a good get together. Playing cards, games, and having a few drinks. I miss that. Your love of life. You brought so much fun and laughter to everyone.

Well, I hope you are watching us on Christmas morning. Know that you will be in my heart as always. Lily and I will do some special things to remember you and let you know how much we love and miss you. xoxo

December 23, 2005

Mark,

Dennis & I just wanted to wish you a very Merry Christmas and to let you know that we will be thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. We know you will be looking down on your friends and family, espeically Yvonne and Lily. May you always be at peace, and know that we will never stop thinking of you.

Den & Jen Brozowski

Jen

December 23, 2005

Officer Sawyers..just wanted to say MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR! please continue to watch over your family - friends & co-workers so that they maybe able to get through the holidays..i don't know personally the pain that they feel..but i am sure that the holidays are the hardest to get through..

please watch over your fellow brothers/sisters in blue as well..REST IN PEACE & WITH EASE BLUE ANGEL!!

girlfriend of a dpd
detroit

December 23, 2005

Yvonne,

My thoughts are with you and your family during this holiday season. As Lily opens her gifts on Christmas morning, remember the greatest of those are the stories and memories of her daddy. Continue to share that love and he will forever be in her heart.

May the upcoming year bring you strength and courage to continue to raise your daughter with such love and devotion. Mark is looking down on you and he is proud.

Merry Christmas

Wife of an officer
MI

December 22, 2005

Dear Mark,
Christmas is only 4 days away and I am heartbroken that you are not here with us. Nothing is the same. I really wish the Lord would come and end the hurt I feel. I know I will be with you one day but waiting is so hard. I took Lily sledding Friday night. She loved it. It was so easy with the packed snow. I had to keep looking back to make sure she was on the sled. She wanted to pull me so I sat on the sled and she pulled. I had to push with my hands to help her but she loved it. Remember when Dad and I took you kids sledding out by the cider mill and to Martin Road Park. Those were the days and I wish they were back. I love and miss you.

Love Mom

December 20, 2005

Hey Mark this might be my last chance at a computer for a couple of weeks so I thought I would take this opportunity to write. Well this is going to be our second holiday season without you and none of it still seems real to me, I think about you a lot and I miss you more than ever. I am going for my 4th fantasy league championship in a row this weekend but its just not the same without you in the league. I cannot believe how big Lily is getting, she looks so much like you. I have also begun to notice some of your personality quirks in her and it is pretty interesting to watch, it always brings a smile to my face. I really wish we could be making some New Years plans but I guess that'll have to wait for a little while. I wonder who the current Disc golf champ is right now (you or Mike) My kids are starting to get big too and more interactive I remember how we used to talk as kids about how when we got older we could have big family tournaments instead of the 3-4 people tournaments we used to have in the past. It breaks my heart to know that we will never be able to enjoy that together. I take that back we can and will it will just have to be a little different. I can feel/hear you talking to me sometimes Mark, so please dont stop I find it a little comforting. We were over at your moms house on your birthday and Yvonne decided to play some games and I want you to know that I was the only one who knew the other name that you were gonna name Lily ( i dont even think Michelle knew what it was but I did) I am so glad you went with Lily or should i say Yvonne went with Lily? Anyway you are always in our hearts and there is no way anyone will ever forget you! You have become a hero to a lot of people May god bless you- Donald

Donald Colpaert

December 20, 2005

Mark,
I know that you are looking over us here, keeping us from doing the dumb things we try to do.
I will continue to pray for your family and Lilly everyday. I pray that one day Yavonne will have peace and I know that Lilly will ALWAYS know her "daddy".

God Speed Brother...

December 19, 2005

Thinking of you daily and missing you as often. You are forever in my heart.

December 19, 2005

God bless through the holidays...

December 15, 2005

Mark,

I have finished putting up the Christmas decorations. My dad helped me put up the tree. I bought new ornaments and a tree skirt. I redid the tree all in blue. I found a silver star for the top. The stocking holders say 'peace' in silver, and the stockings are blue velvet. Lily enjoyed hanging all of the ornaments on the tree. At first she kept putting several on one branch, but she finally got the hang of it. She loves the nutcracker statue. She keeps asking who's stockings are who's and telling me I 'gotta put candy in there.'

I had a bad night a few days ago. I find that I can't watch much television anymore. Forget the news, action, or romance stuff. I either watch Lily's shows with her, comedy, or music channels. I started to watch the movie "Cold Mountain" the other night. I should have known better. In the end, the man she loves is shot, and she is left with his child. I cried and cried after the movie. It got so bad that I felt like I couldn't breathe. It's like going through that shock the night at the hospital all over again. Something triggers the reality of it all and it comes crashing down on me. Not that it's not always there, but sometimes the reality is so raw and horrifying that I get physically sick. I decided that I couldn't keep that up all night. I went downstairs to the heavy bag. I was surprised at the anger that came out of me. I hit that bag so hard over and over and over. My hands started to get torn up because I didn't wear gloves. Sometimes the physical pain is easier than the emotional pain.

Lily continually asks about you. Yesterday she asked me about ten times in a row 'where my daddy go?' I just keep telling her you are in heaven. Today she said she wants to blow bubbles to you. It is getting to cold for her to be outside to do that, though. Often she will say "I love my daddy so much" out of nowhere. We will be driving or playing and she'll say it. If you ask her where she gets her looks or her smarts from, she will always reply 'daddy.' I know you smile at that one.

I have started to notice her dimples. She will laugh or smile and I can see them in her cheeks and chin, like you. She lights up my life. I have so much laughter and love in my life because of her. We play horsie, barbies, 'pretend' everything, color with markers, and mama & baby animals. She makes me crawl around like a lion with her or flap my arms like a bird. She also likes me to do 'X marks the spot' on her back. I had to ask Michelle the order of it, because I kept switching it around. So now when Lily's laying in bed I do that to her. She says it with me and laughs at the end with the 'shiveries'.

Every night before bed I read her favorite story "When Bunny Grows Up." It's about a baby bunny and its family. The family all has different ideas about what the baby will be. The first occupation is a police officer. At the end, the baby smiles and says it will grow up to be a daddy bunny with lots of children. She loves that book.

I found the memory book I started writing in. I read through the stuff I wrote already and it brought me to tears. I'm glad I started it when things were fresh. It's the little things like you coming home and saying 'how are my girls?' I miss that. I miss hearing your laughter. I miss hearing you sing Christmas songs in July. I want Lily to know all of those little idiosyncracies about you. I hope it will help her to feel close to you.

It is the worst pain in life to want something so badly and yet to know that you can't have it. Death puts so many things in perspective. Life is about love. It creates so many beautiful miracles, like Lily. You wrote me once that you may not be my knight in shining armour, but you would always be the man in love with me.

I will forever be the woman in love with you. And Mark, you will always be my knight. You always were. We love you and miss you. xoxoxo

Yvonne

December 13, 2005

Last night while I was trying to sleep,
My son's voice I did hear
I opened my eyes and looked around
but he did not appear.

He said Mom you've got to listen,
you got to understand
God did'nt take me from you, Mom
He only took my hand.

When I called out in pain that night
the instant that I died,
He reached down and took my hand,
and pulled me to his side.

My search is really over now,
I've found happiness within,
all the answers to my empty dreams
and all that might have been.

I love and miss you so
and I'll always be nearby,
my body's gone forever.
But my spirit will never die!

And so you must go on now,
live one day at a time.
Just understand-
God did not take me from you,
He only took my hand.

Faith,

This poem was sent to Scotty from Audrey. I thought I would share it with you (if she hasn't already)

Kathy

December 13, 2005

I often come to this sight because your loved one was killed the same night as ours. Two completely different states with families that grieve everyday for their loved one that died in the line of duty. When Yvonne and Mark's mother writes in I see there pain and I feel the same pain everyday in our family too.

Wise family Member

December 11, 2005

I often come to this sight because your loved one was killed the same night as ours. Two completely different states with families that grieve everyday for their loved one that died in the line of duty. When Yvonne and Mark's mother writes in I see there pain and I feel the same pain everyday in our family too.

Wise family Member

December 11, 2005

Mark-

It's been a long time since I have written anything on this page. I thought by not doing so, it would make things easier for me and that maybe I would not feel as bad as I still do. That just does not seem to be working. After your death, I told the department that I was done being an F.T.O. I did not think that I could do it anymore. A few months ago, Lt. Wilson approached me and asked if I would reconsider and train a new hire. I thought long on the subject and kept thinking that I did not want to replace the memories of training you with those of the new guy...already the memories are fading. I reluctantly agreed to train him. His name is Jeremy and he is 23 years old. When I first saw him, I thought I saw a ghost. He is short, stocky, with close cropped blond hair and constantly has a goofy grin on his face. His resemblance to you was uncanny. This last friday I just finished up with him, almost 2 years after I finished up with you. As I filled out my overtime slip on my last day with him I began as I always do, stating: F.T.O. Training- Officer so and so- Shadow Phase- Final week. I wrote, " F.T.O. Training- Officer Sawyers- Shadow Phase- Final week. I stared at what I wrote for quite a while, not knowing why I wrote your name down. I guess you will always be on my mind and trying to surpress the thoughts and emotions just isn't possible....and for that I am truly happy. I miss you little brother.

Your friend,

Joe

Joe Tharrett
Sterling Heights P.D.

December 10, 2005

Dear Mark,

Time just keep marching on and I can't stop it. I want you back so bad. It still seems so unreal. It is like a bad movie. I wish we didn't have to celebrate the holidays but it would not be fair to the kids. I want you here. They say you are in a better place and that is true but I am greedy and I want you here with us. Life is so unfair. And to think that Dad and I were talking about how blessed we were before everything happened. Yvonne's Dad made me the nicest #76 blue sign all lit up for the picture window in the family room. I never ever forget you and when people see the #76 they remember too. Of course all our friends and family never forget. We miss you so bad. I wish I could be with you and talk and hug you again. I wish the world would just end so we would all be together. I never thought pain could be this bad. I love you.

Love Mom (your only mother)

December 9, 2005

To the Sawyers family,

I want to thank you all for showing me what true strength and dignity is. In the last year and a half I have seen nothing but strength and courage from your entire family. I thank you all for making me part of the family. I consider it an honor every time that you invite me and my family to participate in your special moments. I did not know Mark very well before his death, but through you, I feel I've known him for years. May God bless you and continue to give you strength.

Johnny Boy

Lt. John Berg
Sterling Heights Police Department

December 1, 2005

FINAL CALL

An Angel In The Sky Must Leave His Place Of Rest,
Gently Tucking His Wings Beneath His Armored Vest.
For Duty Has Called, There Is Much Work To Do
Little Did He Know, This One’s Dressed In Blue.
Arriving On The Scene, He Knows Just What To Say,
“Follow Me Fallen Brother, I’ll Show You The Way.
Your Duty Has Ended, Your Work Is Now Through,
Come Place Your Hat Beside Mine...I’m A Cop, Too”.

Author Unknown

December 1, 2005

My Christmas Prayer, by Bebe Winans

I pray for peace
Blessings and honor
Heaven right earth's despair
This is my Christmas prayer

For those that grieve
God will bring comfort
Laughter will rapture there
This is my Christams prayer

See I pray that love will rule and reign
And I pray that time will rid the pain of this world
As we learn to trust and care
This is my Christmas prayer

I pray for you (Yes I know you do)
That your triupmh and conquer
Poses the strength you need to bare
This is my Christmas prayer

For those in need
There would be plenty
And each other's burdens share
Oh, this is my Christmas prayer

See I pray that love will rule and reign
And I pray that time will rid the pain of this world
As we learn to trust and care
This is my Christmas prayer, Oh

So let hope fill our hearts (Let's let hope fill our hearts)
Shine the light through the dark
All around the world
And everywhere
I will pray
This Christmas prayer

See I pray that love will rule and reign
And I pray that time will rid the pain of this world
As we learn to trust and care
This is my Christmas
This is my Christmas prayer

See I pray that love will rule and reign
And I pray that time will rid the pain of this world
As we learn to trust and care
This is my Christmas prayer
This is my Christmas prayer

December 1, 2005

I can't stop crying...please make it stop.

November 30, 2005

Uncle Mark
Hey Uncle Mark it was your birhtday yesterday. I forgot to say Happy Birthday! Lily is getting so big after we song happy birthday Lily said wheres my bithday cake it was pretty funny. She looks just like you. Well i just wanted to say Happy Belated Birthday! We all miss you. My dad and mom and Ryan also said hi and we love you.

Love, Trenna

Trenna

November 30, 2005

Happy Birthday Mark! We spent some time with your family this evening, as they were gracious to invite us to celebrate your life with them. We had some laughs as we learned some interesting new things about you! And I am sure you did some laughing of your own when we all choked down that shot! Only in your honor would I ever do that again! (ugh!)

I’m glad that I got to spend a little time with your dad. I only wish I had the gift of knowing the right things to say at the right times…But there aren’t any words to right what has been wronged. It’s not fair that we had to send balloons in flight instead of handing you a card. None of this is fair. I can promise you we will continue to be here for your mom & dad, for Michelle, Steve and the kids, and especially for Yvonne and Lily. Your family adores you and they miss you with every breath they take.

Kathy

November 30, 2005

Happy Birthday Mark.

Officer
Bay City Police

November 29, 2005

Mark,

I just got home from our celebration of your birthday at your mom and dad's. It was a very nice night, with lots of memories. Your mom bought balloons for everyone to write messages to you and send to heaven. Lily was so cute writing on hers. She was so intent on coloring her pink balloon. I hope you read everything I wrote on mine. I told Lily to say 'happy birthday, daddy' after we let the balloons go. She said it, and I lost it. Just the way her angelic little voice sounded brought me to tears. It made me so mad that you aren't here to have her say it to you.

We sang happy birthday and had Lily blow out a candle. She asked where her birthday cake was. She made us all laugh. Your mom tried to fake her out with a brownie, but she said 'that's not my cake.' Then we did a shot of Teachers whiskey, because you always thought it was funny to do a shot of that horrible tasting stuff. There was silence after everyone drank it, and Lisa said "next year, its pucker".

I brought all of your neckties down to the get-together. I wanted to give each friend one of them. I decided I didn't want it to be a sad thing, so in your competitive spirit, I had them 'win' their tie. I asked questions about you and whoever knew the answer got to pick the tie they wanted first. It was so nice to talk about you and laugh about the memories we have.

Harold test drove the new car. You know he always got to drive your new ones when you got them. He said you would approve. Lily is so funny, she keeps saying 'show me the hemi'.

I kept thinking today about the day you were actually born, and about your mom. I know that the day Lily was born forever changed my life. The miracle of having a baby is something so beautiful and spiritual. You were the baby, the last child. It breaks my heart to see the pain your mom goes through as a mother. I know that Lily helps her through it, as it helps all of us. I know your mom loves how much of your appearance and personality she has. We all do.

I hope you were with us tonight. I don't think that there are even any words to express how much I love you and miss you. You are my 'infinite love'. Happy Birthday, Mark. xoxoxo

Yvonne

November 29, 2005