Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Mark,
Keep a watchful eye on your brothers...Please keep them healthy and safe from harm.

We miss you...

SHPD

March 17, 2006

To Mark's family and friends -
I know that the pain of losing Mark is sometimes too much to bear. I know that there are no magic words to make everything okay. I know that sometimes it hurts so much just to breathe, let alone make it through another day. But I also know that Mark loves each of you, and is watching over each of you. Mark IS here - in our hearts, in our minds, in our souls. The love for Mark can not ever be broken - it is a never ending chain, and each of us is connected in that chain. We all must keep Mark's memories alive, and never forget that he is with us EVERY step of the way. Mark may have left physically, but NEVER spiritually. I know some of you are angry, and sad, and scared, and probably feel a million other emotions you never thought possible - but there IS a light at the end of this tunnel. Mark is that light. Mark will forever be that light, guiding you - loving you - helping you - protecting you. Some people were so close to Mark, and yet others have never even met him, but we all share one thing... the love for him. If you feel the light starting to fade - lean on one another, support one another, love one another. Mark will never let that light fade away. We all need to keep that light bright to help lead Lily on her journey through life. If we all give up hope and give in to the pain, what will that teach her? Let's keep Mark's spirit alive and bright - for Lily's sake, Yvonne's sake, Mark's parent's sake, and everyone's sake. Mark would want in no other way. Mark loves us - Mark is guiding us - Mark is with us - every minute of every day. We love you Mark - and we are SO proud of you. You are our blue angel.

Officer
Bay City Police Dept. - Michigan

March 15, 2006

To Mark's friend that wrote the last reflection... this coming from someone who has been left behind more than once, please, don't go there. Hard as it is sometimes, have faith and take your life one day at a time. To love and be loved is a wonderful thing, but sometimes it means the extremely painful task of saying goodbye, or "see you later." God does have a plan for all of us, although we don't always understand what it is. There are people living here, in your midst, that love, need and count on YOU. Don't put them through the unneccesary pain of losing you, too. Your pain is real, and undoubtedly unbearable at times. Everyone at some time or another loses someone. Dying is a part of life. Enjoy the life you have here on earth; grow and love with those that are still here with you! In time, God's time, you'll be reunited with the family and friends that have gone before you. Good luck, take care and keep Mark's love and friendship alive inside your heart. Be strong!

Been There

March 15, 2006

Hi Mark,
Well it is March and the two year anniversary is coming up. I don't know how much longer I can go on. Death can't be too bad. Everyone does it sooner or later. Maybe it is better than life. I am confused but I miss you so much and it hurts so bad. I don't want to make other people hurt but am running out of ways to cope. Putting on a smile is getting harder and harder. The pain is getting deeper and reality tells me that this is the way it is going to be. You are not going to walk through that day, not today, tomorrow or ever. Things are so messed up since you left us. I just don't know anymore. I would be so happy to talk to you again. I will too I know.

March 14, 2006

Hi Mark,

I is so comforting to see how many people still remember you and take the time to go on your site to leave comments about you and their thoughts. I am so proud of you and the job that you chose. It breaks me heart to think that someone else made a choice to take it all away but we still have wonderful memories that no one can take. We will share them with Lily. She loves to hear and talk about you. I miss you terribly and love you.

Love Mom

March 9, 2006

I can't go to Target anymore without thinking of the sacrifice Officer Sawyers gave for doing his job, and I was so sad when they removed the flowers from the parking lot. Though it was hard to see, it was a constant reminder for all that life is precious, and there is no need for gun violence.

To his family, I wish for you continued strength to get through every day. May your memories and love continue to guide your path, and may they help you teach his daughter what a hero her daddy is. Please know that the community is still behind you and will not forget.

Brandi
Grateful Citizen and Sister of an Officer

March 8, 2006

Yvonne, I heard this song for the first time and thought of you.
Funny, I have never met you, but I think of you almost every single day. I don't know how you do it... but I am so proud of you and I admire your strength. The love you have for Mark is so strong it will NEVER be broken, not even through death. Don't ever think for one moment that you are alone in this world - you have more people that love, support, and admire you than you will ever realize. Stay strong. I know you will never let Lily forget that her daddy lived and died a hero.

Starin' out the window at the sinkin' sun
Another painful day is done
If I could convince myself I was over you now
I'd find a way somehow.

But the pain just grows stronger every day
I think of you and I'm on my way
Down memory lane with your hand in mine
Guess I'm just not the healing kind.

Another December and the cold winds blow
And nights without you are so long
I stare at our picture through the firelight's glow
And where you are right now I just don't know.

And the pain just grows stronger every day
I think of you and I'm on my way
Down memory lane with your hand in mine
Guess I'm just not the healing kind
Guess I'm just not the healing kind.

Sister Officer
Bay City Police - Michigan

March 2, 2006

My dear Mark,

I miss you so much. I still think it might be a bad dream and that you are going to walk throught that door one of these days. When we hear life is not fair that is an understatement. For us it stinks and I still have a hard time with it all. I can and do talk so some friends but it is so unreal, kind of like talking about my being adopted. It is like it happened to someone else. When I see you picture I lose it. You are my hero. You did what you wanted to do and gave your life to protect others. That's what you and your "brothers" do and I have such admiration for all of them.
I helped out at the Euchre Tournament for MI-COPS last Friday night. The other mothers are so wonderful to me. I can just look at them and it helps me cope knowing that they know what I am feeling because they have been there. Rich, Donnie and Michelle played. I want to call Yvonne and see how she and Lily are doing. I have not talked to her since Sunday.
I love and miss you so much.
Love Mom

March 2, 2006

I just wanted to let Yvonne know how much I feel for her. As a police officers wife, we cant think of the worst, or every day will be hell. Well, I can't imagine how horrible it has been for her and Mark's family. I have 2 children myself and cant imagine having to explain the truth to them all the time. You are an INSPIRATION! Your strength is incredible and I know Mark is proud of you! God bless, there are many people out here who are thinking about you.

officers wife

March 2, 2006

Mark,

Rough night tonight. It's about 2 am and I can't sleep. I just keep having all of these memories and thoughts flooding in. I finally decided that I couldn't lay in bed any longer. I got up and did some school work. At least I stopped crying for awhile.

Lily and I worked on a collage of pictures for her room. She had fun trying to put the pictures in the openings. I reprinted photos of the three of us, you, and just us. I'm going to hang it by her door, low enough for her to see everyday. She talks about you all of the time. The other day she told me that when she gets big she wants to be a bird. I said that's neat, then you can fly. She said, yes and I'm going to fly way up in the sky and give daddy a kiss. She is so smart the way she puts things together like that.

I'm trying to teach her what husband and wife means. I ask her who my daddy is and she says you. But if I ask her who Tracy's daddy is she'll say Papa Steve. She now says she's going to marry her Aunt Shell and her kids will be Kyle and Alexis.

Harold and Lisa came over Saturday. We went to dinner and Lily insisted that Harold drive the durango. She told him she wanted to hear the hemi. He gunned it and she said "I like the hemi!" They were cracking up at her. Harold fixed my computers and helped me order a new one because the two I have are on their last legs. Did you see her and Lisa in Circuit City? They both had the headphones on and were dancing to the music. She just adores those two.

I'm thinking about getting a tattoo. I know its crazy, but I go through these stages. I think I am constantly trying to find something that will make me feel slightly better. It occupies my thoughts I guess. I still have to think about it because that's a permanent decision. It would have to do with you of course, not your badge or numbers though. Something more personal and special. Funny how when I thought about it I knew exactly what I wanted right away. I know you weren't too keen on girls having tattoos, so I'm not sure. Donnie said he thought you would be okay with it. I will take my time making the decision.

I miss you, Mark. I just want to hold you again. All those little things we did. I miss laughing and talking with you. Feeling special and beautiful in your eyes. There is just such an emptiness in my life now. You made my life complete and happy. Now I have these horrible ups and downs. It just feels like a crazy roller coaster ride that never ends.

I had a dream the other night that you came to 'visit' from heaven. I was so happy to see you. In the dream they let you stay for two nights, but it passed by like two minutes. I asked you what you guys did all day in heaven and you said bet on games! It was so real seeing you in that dream. To wake up from a dream like that is to have my heart torn out all over again. I felt like I had you and lost you again.

I found my engraved bracelet finally. I was having such a bad morning the other day. I started searching for the camera battery and found it in the camera bag. Makes me wonder if you knew that I needed that?

I pray that you keep giving us your signs and coming to us in our dreams. We need them. I love you so much, baby. xoxoxo

Yvonne

February 28, 2006

Just wanted to say that my prayers, tonight, will be for Yvonne and your mom. Please watch over us all.

February 26, 2006

Just wanted to stop by, and say that I hope that you are resting well. I miss you, brother... I remember you and your sacrifice everyday, and I will not soon forget you! Love you, Brother!

February 25, 2006

Miss you, buddy... I still hate getting called to Jc Penney's & Claire's(haha). I know I will see you again someday. Yvonne - stay strong. Mark is watching over you guys. I still wish there was something I could do to make this easier for you - but I know I can't.

February 16, 2006

To My Son Mark

The Broken Chain

We little knew that morning,
that God was going to call your name,
in life we loved you dearly,
in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
you did not go alone:
For part of us went with you,
the day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories,
your love is still our guide:
and though we cannot see you,
you are always by our side.
Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same:
but as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

I love and miss you.

Love Mom

February 15, 2006

How do I say goodbye to what we had
And the good times that made us laugh
outweigh the bad
I thought we'd get to see forever
but forever is gone away
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

I don't know where this road is going to lead
all I know is where we been and what we been though
If we get to see see tomorrow
I hope it's worth all the wait
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

And I'll take with me the memories
to be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

And I'll take with me the memories to be my sunshine after the rain It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

I Love You, BROTHER!!!

February 13, 2006

Mark,

I took Lily to see Sesame Street Live on Saturday. Nicole, TJ, Kim, and Julia went with us. Lily really enjoyed it. That and the cotton candy, popcorn, and junior mints! She did really well, but got tired halfway through. The show was during her nap time. On the way home all three kids zonked out. It was very cute.

Friday night Lily had her dance class again. I have been able to watch her a few times. She doesn't listen to her teacher very well, but kind of does her own thing! I asked the teacher about it and she said it is just her age. Lily loves going, though! Julia, Kim & Rich came over afterwards. They had a great time playing. Rich was chasing the girls in the basement. When they came back up, both had holes in the toes of their tights from running. I told Lily she looked like a bum. She thought that was funny. It was heartwarming to see her having fun with Rich, because the type of play with dads is so different than that with moms. At the same time it broke my heart to think that she should have you.

In the car the other day, Lily asked where Julia was, and I told her she was with her mommy and daddy. She asked 'where's my daddy?' I told her you were in heaven. She said 'did my daddy die?' I said yes. She said 'I'm so sad, because daddy can't kiss me anymore.' She said you were 'way up in the clouds' and that she 'couldn't see you.' Those are the most difficult times. I always try to tell her about the things that we can do, like talk to you, dream about you, look at your pictures, watch videos, and know that you are watching us. I don't know of any other way to respond to her other than that. She said she can when daddy when mommy was a princess. I finally figured out that she was talking about our wedding video! I said, oh, when mommy had on a white princess dress!

I was reading the student newspaper from my school and in it was an article about students that had a parent die. My first thought was how I'm glad Lily wasn't old enough to endure what we all had to. As I read the article, a student was quoted "each day gets easier because each day brings me closer to seeing my mom again." Wow. What an eye opener for me. Sometimes kids teach us more than we teach them. That just struck a chord with me. It made thinking about the future a little less scary. I've often wondered how I will survive years of not being with you.

Well, Lily keeps talking about how next year she can go to school. She is into Barbies and Strawberry Shortcake, and plays pretend all of the time. Yesterday when I was vacuuming out the car, she climbed in there with a bunch of stuffed animals. She buckled them all in. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm talking to my kids."

We are still working on potty training. She does not want to poop on the potty! She says no "you gotta change my diaper." Her new thing is taking off her diaper. The last few days, I have heard her up from her nap and when I go up to her room she is laying on her bed with her pajamas and diaper off, naked! She has peed on the bed twice. Thank goodness I put a waterproof mattress pad on her new bed! So I had a long talk with her about calling mommy to come get her and go on the potty. So yesterday, she calls me, I go up there, and she says, "I didn't pee pee on my bed, just in my diaper." She had her clothes off, her diaper undone, but still underneath her! Smart kid, huh?

I started a yoga/pilates class with my friends. I really like it. I had a weird sensation in the last class. At the end, you breath in and out, as you cool down. I was laying on my back and I had this strange feeling. I felt as if you were there. I felt a few tears stream down. Thank goodness everyone else had their eyes closed, too.

I can still remember exactly how you feel. The touch of your hand in mine, the feel of your hair, the strength in your back when we hugged. Those things are so vivid to me. I'm grateful for that. What I wouldn't do to hold you again, if only for a moment.

I hope you know how much I think about you and how much I miss you. I had such a rough day on Tuesday. When Lily takes a nap, it is often a very difficult time for me. I just can't hold it together. I am so thankful when she wakes up because she makes me laugh and smile. She is my everything. I can't thank you enough for giving me the gift of motherhood. You and I have shared the most precious blessing the world has to offer. I hope you see her each and every day, and laugh and smile at our angel.

I love you so much, Mark. XOXOXO

Yvonne

February 12, 2006

Mark,

Just to give you an update - Z got nominated for a grammy for his polka band. Didn't even knew that he played accordian until I saw it on the news. Wish you could have been here to see it - and give him a hard time about it! Keep everybody in line up there - I Love You Brother!

February 10, 2006

...still thinking of you Mark...

Police Officer
Bay City Police - Michigan

February 7, 2006

Mark,

I kept Lily the other night. She told me "My daddy puked on the shower curtain and my mommy had to clean it up". I was so surpised that she would say that out of the clear blue sky. I asked Yvonne where she came up with that and Yvonne said she told her that when one of them was sick. What a memory she has. She talks about her daddy all the time. She says, "I love my daddy". I saw her at her dance class last week and what a hoot. She was in her own world. It was so funny, the kids were suppose to be in a position of sleeping on their all fours. Lily was sprawled out flat. During the dance the kids were suppose to move to the right, Lily stayed in her sleeping position. The little girl next to her just jumped over her and then when it was time to go back, she jumped back of Lily. I cracked up.
We had a little superbowl party. We watched a memorial video of Washington first. (my way of bringing you into the get-together). I love and miss you.

Mom

February 7, 2006

I hope you can hear all of the prayers. Please keep a watchful eye down here...

February 6, 2006

Hey Mark, thought of you today hoping you and Mike were together celebrating his 30th! I know you guys are spending your days watching over those who need your guidance, but I'm sure you could find a moment today to do some fun things you always liked to do together!!! You are in our thoughts and on our minds always!
Yvonne, I heard your wedding song on the radio today. I started to cry thinking of the love you and Mark have shared! There are times things like that hit us when we least expect it! I think of all of you often and know that you are in our hearts! Kari

Kari Fry

January 31, 2006

Mark,
You and your family are in my thoughts everyday, some more than others. Sometimes I look at my husband and try to memorize the look on his face or the moments we share. I guess losing you made me appreciate some of the little things more. I have realized what is important in life, no matter how hard it gets. I feel so blessed to have known you and worked with you. I never thought I would have someone be apart of everything I do as you have been. Every now and again I stop and take a step back and look at all I have. I appreciate things more. I feel like I am babbling but today you were with me more than ususal and I felt the need to let you know. I enjoy reading Yvonne's reflections to you and hearing all the adorable things Lily is doing. I miss you!
Yvonne,
I think of you all the time and envy your strength. I wish I could get to know you more. The people who get to be around you are very blessed I hope they see what a wonderful person they are spending time with. I hope you get to share with them things about Mark so many of us didn't have the time to learn. God bless you and Lily!

Friend
shpd

January 28, 2006

Mark,

Heard our wedding song today...thought of the magical day we had.

"From This Moment On"

(I just swear that I'll aways be there.
I'd give anything and everything and I will always care.
Through weakness and strength, happiness and sorrow,
for better or worse, I will love you with
every beat of my heart.)
From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on

I love you so much. xoxo

Yvonne

January 24, 2006

Mark,

I have been remembering a lot of things that pertained to you as you were growing up. I remember you wearing that green pinned striped little suit when we went to Washington DC to meet Dad. Remember when you wanted me to get your haircut. Someone in your class (preschool) thought you looked like a girl so we got it cut. I still have a piece of it and I have the first tooth you lost too. I wish I had not given away your little league trophies. I am trying to get at least one back. Who knew. You didn't want them and we had so many. Remember getting invited to join the National Honor Society. You joined but didn't like staying after school for meetings. Sports was more important. Cars were pretty important too. You should hear Lily describe her big fast car with the Hemi engine. Dodge should get her to do their commercial. I am so proud to have been your mother. Outside of spoiling you a little too much you were a great son. You got good grades in school, you were good a sports and always worked a job (to pay for your nice cars). You knew right from wrong and always did the right thing. I am so proud that you went into law enforcement. Of course I wish you had stayed in teaching but you did what your heart told you to do and were happy doing your job. I better go since I am at work and can not lose it with the kids coming in soon. I love and miss you.

Mom

January 23, 2006

Well Mark, its been quite a while since I have left you a message. It usually takes all I have to just read this page, much less leave a message. I had stopped in the carreer prep center last night to write a report and this feeling came over me as if you were still in the car next to me talking about whos going where for lunch. This happens every so often. Always the same scenario. I have come to realize that,that moment is burned in my memory forever and is why I will never forget you. ....Rest easy brother

Charlie 31

January 21, 2006