Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Dear Mark,

Yvonne and I leave for DC tomorrow. I have so many mixed emotions going through me. One part of me can't wait to celebrate your life and to honor you but it just brings back such painful memories. I know Jason is riding your bike again along with some other officers from Sterling Heights. That is a comfort too. Kathy and Todd are going along with Rob.
Rob played the bagpipes at the Memorial Service at my church last Sunday. He did a good job. Another super nice person I met from Sterling Heights PD. Kathy was there too and came to the house for a cook out.
Well I need something from you in DC. Comfort, support, signs, anything to help us get through it.
I love you.

Mom

May 10, 2006

Mark,

I love you so much and miss you. There is so much to say, but it seems as if I have writer's block. Some times there is so much I just don't know where to start. I will try again tomorrow. xoxoxo

Yvonne

May 6, 2006

Dear Mark,

It is almost time to go to DC again and I feel like I need to be there for you. It just seems special to be there. It is a way to honor you but I feel that way all the time. I guess maybe it is just sharing time reminiscing about you with others that shared a diffent part of your/their lives together. You worked with these wonderful people and they hve issues to deal with. I hope everyone can gets some help coping in DC. I really like the people I have met that you worked with and the MI-COPS Families have been my salvation. I just feel like they feel just as I do and wish the nightmare could end. We share time together and it is so different being with people in my shoes. We just look at each other and that feeling of knowing is there. We don't have to talk about it but do when we want to. I so appreciate everyone that has passed by my way. If they were friends or coworkers with you than I am blessed to know them. I love you and hope to get some signs from you in D.C.
I did the bulletin for the church bulletin today and Yvonne and I just noticed the title is Somewhere Beyond the Blue. How appreciate is that for the Blue-Light Memorial at my church. I did not pick that bulletin. I just typed the inside. Weird signs that I believe are sent. Keep sending them. I love and miss you. You knew that my kids and grandkids mean everything to me.
Love Mom See you in DC

May 4, 2006

Although I didn't know you personally Mark, I went to school with Yvonne so this has hit very close to home for me. You see I also married a police officer, and this could easily have been me. He worked in Detroit for five years before going to the suburbs and is now having his background investigation done to be hired in Sterling Heights, kind of ironic. He is very excited; he has been trying to get in there for the last four years. Every time we talk about it I am very supportive of him but I can’t help think of you and what happened to you. It is so unfair!!! I read Yvonne’s and your mom’s reflections to you and I cry for their loss and Lily’s loss, for they will never be able to hug you again is just so unreal to me. I always say that will never be me when I see things on the news about an officer killed and I am sure Yvonne thought the same thing. If only we could go back in time and change the past. For those of us that didn’t know you but wish we had the opportunity to, we also feel the loss.

Your family and the Sterling Heights Police Department are in my thoughts and prayers everyday! Watch over them blue angel they need you more than ever now!!

Wife of a Police Officer

Heather Willard

April 29, 2006

Dear Mark,

Ilove and miss you.

Love Mom

April 28, 2006

Hey Mark we have our second game of the year tonight and we really need your spirit with us especially after last week. It is on days like this that i miss you most however i always feel your presence in the dugout and i am sure you will be around tonight. I will hang your gloves like always in the dugout. We all miss you and think about you often- Donald

Donald Colpaert

April 25, 2006

Dear Mark,

Well I finally got to be a part of taking Lily to Disney World and Daytona Beach. She loved them both. She was so excited playing on the beach, just like you. She loves water, just like you. This trip was something I really wanted to do sort of in your place. I am so thankful that Yvonne let me be a part of this trip. I will never forget it. All 5 of my grandkids were with me and that was truly exciting for me. Lily said that you were talking to her in the wind. How she comes up with this stuff is unreal to me. She is so smart and has the cutest ways and looks especially with her eyes. I know you were smiling down on us. I love and miss you.

Love Mom

April 22, 2006

Dear Yvonne, Lily, Faith - and all of Mark's family & friends -

I haven't written often, but yet I visit this site so much. I just wanted to tell you that there are so many of us who think of you and Mark EVERY day. As a wife, I pray Yvonne that you will be comforted every time you look in the sweet face of your daughter and see the reflection of the man you so obviously cherished. As a daughter, I pray that Lily will grow to know -through your memories- how much her Dad loved her, and what an amazing man he was. As a mom, I cannot imagine the pain. Faith - I pray that your spirit stays strong, so as Lily grows you can share only the stories a Mom would know. You are his history for her.

My prayer is that each day, you will all find a greater peace than the day before. Mark is our hero, you are his legacy.

Friend
Sterling Heights PD

April 20, 2006

Mark,

As June approaches our hearts are tight with anticipation of the grief we will re-live again. I wish I could say that we are all healing from losing you, but it would not be true. Some days are just better than others, just as some are worse than others.

The only bright spot in June is Lily's 3rd birthday. She asks about you all the time, but doesn't understand our answers about why her daddy can't come and play with her. I dread the day when she does understand. No child should ever have to experience this. Do you see how she runs up and kisses your badge tattooed on her Papa's arm? I guess it's her little way of gently sending you some of her love. Stay with them Mark, if only in their dreams, and you will forever be in their hearts.

Diane

April 19, 2006

Happy Easter Mark! I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I miss you buddy!

SHPD

April 16, 2006

Rest in Peace Brother. We have the watch now. You are missed by those who know you.

Florida Police Officer

April 13, 2006

Mark,

A good friend told me about this song. I cried when I heard it.

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

I love you and miss you. XOXOXO

Yvonne

April 10, 2006

Hi Mark, just wanted to let you know that we were thinking of you today. Den put his 76ers sweatshirt on today and it made me think of both you and Mike, as today is the one year anniversary of Mike's death. I know you are helping each other in looking down on those who loved you -especially getting through those tough moments in life. Spring is here and I'm sure you guys are enjoying your disc golf and softball together! As always, know that we are thinking of you all the time!

Den & Jen

Den & Jen Brozowski

April 9, 2006

I never had the opportunity to meet Mark. Yet, I know that he is an amazing person for the sacrifice he made. I met a friend of Mark's not long after his death. The love he has for Mark and his family is overwhelming. I have lossed greatly in the past as well and coping is a daily task. I hope Mark's courage and strength was passed on to all of his family and friends.

Police Officer
Ferndale PD

April 5, 2006

My Dear Son,

It is a joy to see how many people still think of you and take the time to write relections about you. I was always proud of you as most moms are but as I read the reflections you are definitely a great son, brother, friend,husband and father. We all miss you so much. Mike's anniversary is coming up. We will light candles and remember what a wonderful person he was. He was so kind to your dad and I during the tough times even though he was suffering so bad himself. Pat him on the back and then beat him in a game of disc golf. Only kidding, just have fun. I love and miss you.

Mom

April 3, 2006

Yvonne, Faith, Michelle and all of Mark's family,

My son Michael idolized Mark and spent as much time with him as he could. He would light up when his phone would ring and it was "SAWYERS" calling to make plans to play disc golf, darts or baseball. Mark would come with Michael to one of my friends house to play foosball. They were both very competitive and the two of them would take on everyone in the room. Michael's son Nathan would follow the two of them around like he was their shadow. Mark was very good at all sports, just like Michael, and now Nathan.

I remember how excited Mark was when Yvonne was pregnant with Lilly. Mark was usually very shy, but after Lilly was born he opened right up and talked about her all of the time.

Michael was crushed when Mark died. I had never seen my son suffer as much as he did then. He felt so bad for Yvonne, Lilly, Mark's Mom & Dad and family, and for himself for loosing one of the "best friend's" he ever had. It was very hard going to the candlelight visual marking Mark's one year of being gone, yet I wouldn't have missed it for anything. Now in less than 2 weeks we'll be having our own candlelight visual for Michael, marking his one year of being gone. I don't think Michael was afraid of dying because he knew Mark would be waiting for him to get to heaven to play another round of disc golf, etc.

I know how hard it is to let go of someone you love with all of your heart and I hope in time that each day gets a little easier. Let's stay in touch and we'll get through our losses together.

Warm wishes,
Sherrie Mosher

Sherrie Mosher

March 30, 2006

miss u and wish u and my dad were still here so we could go disc golfing again and laugh and watch two go at it and argue over who has what and paying so close of attention to the score,
miss u

mike moshers son

March 29, 2006

Yvonne and Marks Family/Friends,

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

May God fill you with the comfort which comes from knowing he is with you even in the toughest times.

March 24, 2006

Everyone who was close to you still agonizes over your death. Some days are worse than others; but the pain remains. You are severly missed...

We miss EVERYTHING being a competition...
We miss your dimples,
We miss softball nights,
We miss playstation nights,
We miss Euchre nights,
Any one of us would love to see one of your bottles of "spit" laying around...
Orange anything,
Your spontaneous purchases (like cars),
Disc golf and championships,
George Strait and country crooners,
Family vacations,
The yearly softball campout at Lansing with the guys,
Fish tanks and that Big "Botakoferi" that you had at your Mom's,
and so much more...

After you died, and everyone and everything fell apart, we all slowly realized that you were the glue that held us all together. And while so much has changed forever, there is one thing that remains...memories of you. There was NO ONE like you, Mark. I hope that you send signs to those who need to see them, keep visiting us in our dreams, protect us, and find some way to comfort your mom and Yvonne--let them know you are okay and help alleviate their grief.
One thing is for sure...for everyone who knew you intimately, you live on strongly in our memories. I look forward to seeing you again, when my time comes; perhaps you'll be my Euchre partner and finally teach me how to play!

March 24, 2006

Hello Mark,

I can't believe its been almost two years. It still seems like yesterday. And still not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I have so many memories when we were kids, and the evil may had taken you from us but it will never get the memories and the time we spent as kids growing up and all the silly things we did. Well I just wanted to say hi and I always am thinking of you and wish things were just back to normal. We miss you so much and again I'm so proud to be your cousin.

Love Heidi

March 24, 2006

One thing we now know for sure, time does not heal all wounds, as the old saying goes. We also know that this pain goes beyond the deepest depths and is eternal. Mark's family and friends will hold him in our hearts forever trying to fill the deep hole that was left there when he was taken from us. WE LOVE YOU MARK.

March 23, 2006

Mark,

Lily and I went to the Honor Guard fundraiser tonight. Your mom met us there. Lily played shy and was very clingy to us. She ate lots of tomatoes and got to pull the tickets for prizes. She was excited to see the Langenderfers. She kept kissing Isabel's feet and hands non stop.

I took Lily to nursery school open house last wednesday. She was so excited to go meet her teacher and see her classroom. Before we left, she said "mommy, i need my backpack!" I explained that she didn't need one until next year! As Lily played in the classroom, I found myself looking around the room at all of the other parents. Many were there together with their child. I thought about how this is a big step in her life, and you are not here to share it. It is hard to see all of the other families when its just me and Lily. I just wanted to leave, but Lily wanted to play. I decided to enroll her in the afternoon class so that I can take her there every day. I will have to get up super early for work next year, but it broke my heart to think of someone else taking her to school.

Before bed the other night, Lily said "mom, can we talk" I kind of chuckled and said, sure what do you want to talk about? She said "boys, no daddy." Then she said "I want daddy to come back from heaven." I explained to her that people can not come back from heaven. She said "but Uncle mike did, he was at Grandma Faith's". I couldn't believe that she put that together. I had to explain to her that she has two uncle Mikes. One is her daddy's brother and the other was daddy's friend. Then she understood. Her next comment was "why can't daddy come home in an airplane." I started to sob after she said that. Leave it to Lily to provide the comic relief. She looks over at me next to her shoulder and says, "you sniffing me?" I laughed so hard. I said, no mommy is crying. She put her hands on either side of my face and said, "don't be upset mommy, i love you." The next day driving home from Laurie's she said "Mommy, i really really really want daddy to come play with me." Again the tears just started to fall. The urgency and sincerity in her angelic voice breaks my heart.

Your mom had Lily overnight on St. Patrick's Day. I picked her up on Saturday at a restaurant in Clinton Township. I drove by our old apartment and the jcounty building. I remembered going to the health department for our mandatory class before we got married. You were so funny. You said to the teacher, "at this point, hasn't the boat already left the dock?" She laughed and said it was mainly for older people who didn't know about these things.

Well, I stopped taking sleeping pills. I found that they made my migraines worse. I find myself up late at night again. Some days I have to drag myself out of bed in the morning to go to work. The other day I was crying as I walked into the building. It took everything for me to control my emotions and focus on teaching that day.

I had one of those moments where your brain 'forgets' what happened. I was thinking about how I would tell you about Lily's school when I got home. Immediately after that thought came the horrible pain of realization. I hadn't had one of those moments in awhile. I wonder if I will always do that?

The times when reality sinks in is the most difficult. Anything can trigger those moments. For me, its hearing a country song, seeing tuna fish in the grocery store, or just seeing a picture of you that I hadn't seen before. When that does happen, the low is so deep and painful that you feel like nothing is going to bring you out of it. I wind up curled in a fetal position, clutching your picture, and struggling to breathe. One of the comments that I hear over and over is how strong I am. I often think 'if only they could see me now.'

I have learned though, that the hardest part of all of this is reaching out for help. I remember one of those first really bad nights, picking up the telephone and flipping through the phone book, trying to figure out who to call. For each person I made an excuse. They are in bed, they are married and wouldn't understand, they are grieving themselves were all thoughts that went through my head. I called no one and sank further into despair. I am so thankful that I have a handful of people that I know I can count on and call whenever I need to. It was hard reaching out and doing that, but it was the best thing I ever did.

Through all of this, I have been blessed with friendship, love, and support from old and new friends. I am so thankful that I have both of our families and my friends to help me and Lily.

Lily is what keeps me going. She is such a ham. She loves to build with her blocks, color, (on herself, too) watch Disney princess DVDs, dress up, and play pretend with Dora or Strawberry Shortcake. She likes me to rock her in my arms before I put her in bed and sing "Hush Little Baby." But only our daughter changes the lyrics to "poopy ring" and "poopy mocking bird." She laughs like crazy at that. We are still not having much luck with the potty training. Your mom says we will try to train her when we go to Florida for spring break.

I hope to see you in my dreams again really soon. I love you and miss you. xoxoxoxo

Yvonne

March 21, 2006

ASCENSION

And if I go,
while you're still here
Know that I live on,
vibrating to a different measure
-behind a thin veil you cannot
see through,
You will not see me,
so you must have faith,
I wait for the time when we can
soar together again,
-both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to its
fullest.
And when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart,
---I will be there.

March 19, 2006

To the person who posted about it being "March and the anniversary coming up~
I am so sorry for your pain. I feel your deep hurt and understand the feeling of it "getting deeper". I used to feel like a black cloud would come over me and just about swallow me whole. I would sense the darkness taking over and feel there was going to be no way out. It was during that period that I would just try to take it one minute at a time. You could try to do the same...one minute at a time. From my experience, the black cloud does lift a little. Unfortunately it comes back again, but sometimes with less intensity. Eventually it does not come as often. In my opinion, time does not heal all wounds...but it does help. The pain you feel is so deep because the loss you have suffered is so great. Nobody can lessen that pain for you, but there are others who share your feelings. Mi-Cops is an organization that is made up of survivors of law enforcement killed in the line of duty. Mi-Cops is here to help heal your heart and head. If you would be so inclined, there is a meeting Thursday March 23 at 7pm at the Wouters FOP Hall in Warren. You would find much support there. I'm certainly not trying to preach, only offering support.
To Mark's family, friends and comrades~ I'm so sorry for your tremendous loss and the pain that you undoutedly feel.

Shelley Meares
Sister of Tpr. Kevin Marshall
Michigan State Police
e/o/w 07/07/03

March 19, 2006

Mark,

I love and miss you but like someone wrote in, you are our light and we will continue to let it shine. Through this terrible ordeal I have met some of the most kindest people in the world. These people have given me so much support and a lot of them have sons/daughters that are with you keeping watch in heaven. Those officers that I am talking about have wonderful family members here that help each other cope in the day to day struggle that we all face. Just know that all is well and I am going to keep moving on following your light and making sure that light keeps going forth. I kept Lily last night and enjoyed every minute that she was with me. What a bundle of joy she is. I will always love you.

Mom

March 18, 2006