Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Ms. Sawyers, I came across this website out of curiosity and found the letters you wrote to your husband. All I have to say is that you are my hero for the way that you are so strong. I admire that so much about you. I've lost a lot of people in my life, and it never gets any easier and I understand that grief is probably one of the most difficult things to deal with...how the smallest things can remind you of that person and how they are always there in the back of your mind...always looking for signs that they are there watching over you and keeping you safe. You seem to be such a wonderful mother to Lily, I'm sure you're husband watches over you and is so very proud of the job you've done so far. Oh, and just to say, you are probably one of the most caring individuals I've ever encountered, I thought that might be nice to hear. I do apologize if it's not my place to say any of this, though.

Your student,
Megan Byers

September 20, 2006

Mark,
Our family thinks of you and yours alot.It's been to long since you've been gone.You were such a great guy, you loved your family so much.Michael would tell me how respectful you were to the woman in your life and how Yvonne and Lily were your world.Yvonne is a wonderful mother,we don't see her that often but ,when we do you can tell what a beautiful happy and healthy child Lily is.You can still see that sadness in Yvonne's eyes though.I wish we could do more.If there is anything that anyone in the family ever needs don't hesitate to call. Well, I just wanted to write since it had been a while and let you all know we are thinking of you.

Andrea Mitchell(Mosher)

September 19, 2006

Mark,

Lily started school on Tuesday. It was parent orientation and I got to stay with her the first day. I talked to her teacher after class to let her know about Lily and what she is going through. Thursday was her first day all by herself. She was so excited with her Ariel backpack. I let her pick her snack to take to school and she picked a rice krispie treat!

She made four paintings and two drawings. She said the one drawing is "mommy and daddy kissing." That made me smile! The teacher said she did well, except that she got upset when another girl took the baby doll she wanted, so she pushed her. She said that was normal, especially given Lily's the youngest and her situation where she is often given in to, and that they work on sharing.

It was hard leaving her for that two hours. I didn't know what to do with myself! Our big girl in school now. She even went potty while she was there. The teacher said she walked out with her pants down around her ankles! I guess the other kids volunteered to help her, but the teacher said no thank you, I will help her. So funny.

Lily is definitely going through some separation anxiety. She has been sleeping in my bed the last two weeks because she says she's scared. It's hard to be strict about it. I think sometimes I need her there with me, too. It is comforting for me to watch her and hold her hand as she sleeps. She loves to snuggle right next to me.

Lately in the morning she is telling me not to go to work. She's fine once I leave her at Laurie's though. She told me this the other night as we were coming home from my mom and dads. I told her I have to teach. She said "teach me." I said, well, mommy teaches big kids history. I told her what history is, anything that happened before like when mommy tells her stories about mommy, daddy, lily, and caesar.

She then asked me to tell her a story. I asked her what story she wanted. She blew me away when she said, "tell me about when daddy died." Wow. I thought I had a little more time before she asked more questions. So I told her "when daddy died, his body stopped working. Lots of people came to give us hugs and kisses, and told us how much they will miss daddy and love him." She then asked me "why did daddy's body stop working?" Thank goodness I have talked to alot of counselors. I told her, well, you know that daddy was a police officer. I asked her if she knew what police officers do, being that we have talked about that. She stunned me when she said, "yeah, they die." I told her no, no, honey, not all police officers die. Daddy was helping someone and he got hurt."

She amazes me with her questions and her intelligence. I am dreading when she asks me how you got hurt or where you got hurt. Everything I have read says to answer there questions honestly and briefly as they ask them. I am trying so hard to always do and say the right thing. I feel like this is one of the most profound things that I will ever have to deal with. What I say and do will forever shape who she is.

Kim and I signed the girls up for dance again. We went to a different studio where they will do a ballet/tap combo. Lily tried on her new leotard, tutu and tap shoes for my mom and dad today. She loved making noise on the tile floor. She had a fun day on Thursday seeing the new dance studio, buying her new gear, and playing at Burger King with Julia.

I leave for the spouses retreat in a week. I am glad to be going so that I can talk to the counselors about Lily again. I am going to challenge myself again while I am there. Maybe I will do the obstacle course.

I wanted to tell you that I went to the Kozy with your dad, Michelle, Rich, and your dad's friends. Jim was there. He told me that he was proud of me for the way I held up during all the speeches and things that I had to do. He told me he was in Vietnam and how hard it was when a buddy died and he had to tell his wife. He was wiping away the tears as he told me this. He said he didn't know how I did it. It meant a lot to me that he told me all of that.

Remember the first time I met Jim? I worked at Big Boy and he wasn't overly nice to me when I rang his bill up. I talked to you and told you I finally met him. You said he was much different outside of work. He certainly was. Remember the time we went camping and sat around the fire? Jim had you and I cracking up with the jokes he was telling. We had a lot of fun that night.

I think that's the same trip were I bet you that I could give you a piggy back ride from the putt-putt course all the way to our camp site. You said there was no way that I could do it. YOu were right, and I lost the bet! It was funny trying to do it, though.

Lily has been saying one other thing that is puzzling me. She says she sees you in her dreams but that she can't hug or kiss you in her dreams. I asked her why and she said because her dreams are "covered." I don't know if she even knows what she's talking about, but I don't understand. Make it clear for her, baby. Give her a big hug and kiss and uncover those dreams for her. I love you as much as ever. I will see you in my dreams. xoxoxo

Yvonne

September 15, 2006

Hi Yvonne,
You have only met me once, at the first Mark Sawyers Memorial Golf Outing. I help organize it with Steve (he does most of the work). I am the MC every year at the event.
I just stumbled across this website and wanted to let you know that that your family is in my thoughts often.
I never met Mark, but I know Steve well and Michelle a little. I still feel very proud to help out in the causes that our outings benefits.
We missed you at this year's outing. Lily was so cute. She, and Kyle and Alexis helped pass out the prizes. Some of the golf clubs were taller than Lily so she'd drag them over to the winner of that prize. Also, when I'd call off the winning ticket numbers, Lily and Alexis would like to repeat the numbers into the microphone.
This year was a great success raising $5000 for MyCops.
God bless you and your family.
Jim

September 15, 2006

Mark,

I just got your sign. I was looking at this website upset that a Trooper was shot on Sunday. He had a wife and one year old son, I was thinking about his family. I normally don't read any of this site, it's just too hard. I just have your page bookmarked. I had noticed that when I turned the tv off, I had just turned the cable off and not the tv screen. As I sat looking at the page, the tv screen popped on with the sound on mute. TV's don't turn on by themselves. It took me a while to figure out how to unmute it!

Did you hear Lily at the zoo? She was yelling up to you "i love you daddy!" Katy and her kids were with us. We told her that their daddies are in heaven together. It's funny how Lily just does those things out of the blue. Today she asked me how you got to heaven. I told her I didn't know. She doesn't like when I tell her I don't know. I asked her how she thought you got there, and she said 'probably an airplane.'

Lily had her three year check up at the doctor. Dr. Roi said if she continues this growth pattern she will be 5'6". I know you would have been excited about her telling us that.

I have to get ready for school now. I start alot earlier this year so that I can take Lily to nursery school. Tuesday is parent orientation and Thursday is her big day. I know you will be with us for her first day of school.

We love you and miss you. xoxoxo

Yvonne

September 6, 2006

We had the reunion this past weekend. It is not the same without you. We missed Yvonne and Lily getting to come this year. You have no idea how often you are thought of and missed and how your life touched the lives of others. We love and miss you tremendously.

Aunt Cleta (Betty)

Aunt Cleta (Betty)

August 24, 2006

Hi Mark,

We just came off vacation and are busy getting ready for school. I saw Lily last night and she cried and cried to come home with me but she has a dentist appointment this morning so she had to stay home. She is going to come Thursday and stay the weekend. We are going to the golf outing on Friday, the zoo on Saturday and then out on the boat at Michelle's on Sunday. Lily is asking a lot of questions, she is such a busy one. She wants to know why about everything. She listens to everything we say even though we don't think she is paying any attention. All of a sudden she says what are you talking about. She cut her hair trimmed. It looks so cute.
While we were in KY Uncle Hoss was passing around some old pictures and there was one with you in your burnt orange shirt with Jill. You looked tall and thin. I cried (of course) looking at it. Most of the pictures in that frame were of old timers. He did have other pictures of previous reunions. The reunion is going to be here next year. AFter 16 years it's coming to Michigan. Aunt Betty told me she wants to see the park and visit White Chapel. I told her I would borrow the church van and take anyone who wanted to go on a sightseeing trip. Yvonne and I are getting our minds ready for the retreats in St. Louis. She goes in September and me in October. Michelle and Steve can't go this year. Steve has to go out of town. His golf-outing this year is giving the proceeds to MI-COPS. Isn't that nice of him. That group (MI-COPS) sure has helped all of us in many ways. Well I better get moving, I have lots of running to do today.
I love and miss you so much.

Love MOM

August 22, 2006

Mark,

It's almost three in the morning, and I can't sleep. Lily's dentist appointment is tomorrow and I'm nervous. It's nights like this that I just don't know what to do with myself. You're supposed to be here to go through these things together.

When Lily was around six months she got really sick with a high fever that tylenol wouldn't touch. We took her to the hospital and I remember you just pacing the floor, looking for the doctor and nurses, angry that it was taking so long. We went down to St John in Detroit together once, too. You were sitting at the magnetic kids table that had sand in it. You moved the magnet underneath and it made designs in the sand.

The last few days have been rough. I went through one of the boxes that I have of stuff from the funeral and after. I have a bag that has the items you were wearing that night. Your watch, pen, handcuff keys, etc. I couldn't stop crying when I found your watch. We were together at the store when you bought it. The hardest part is that the damn thing is still working. Your watch made it past two years but you're not here.

I had a bad migraine today. Probably one of the worst I've ever had. Lily was home with me and that was difficult, yet comical. She asked me why I had the "pink puke bucket" out. Then she kept asking me, are you puking yet? Now? Are you going to puke? At least it was some comic relief. I really needed someone to come and get her, but it is difficult to find people during the day, and harder yet to ask. Luckily the pain subsided somewhat. I miss you getting my ice bag for me and knowing that you were there when I was taking medicine or scared enough to go to the ER.

I remember one time I had a migraine and you were working. We were living in the apartment and it was so bad that Tracy came and took me to the ER and insisted they do a CAT scan. I left you a note that just said Tracy took me to the clinic. I didn't even tell you which one. You figured it out and came up there because you were worried about me. I was so suprised to see you walk into that room. You found me.

Rich reminded me yesterday of when you two took me to the Northville "insane assylum." I was so mad at you both. I was so scared there. I told you I wanted to go home, and Rich said, Okay, find your way back to the car and we'll go. You weren't scared at all. I don't think you were ever scared of anything in your life.

I need you with me tomorrow. Give me a sign and let me know you're with our baby girl watching over her. I love you. I miss you so much. xoxoxoxo

Yvonne

August 22, 2006

When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.

August 15, 2006

Mark,

Thank you for the signs again. At the cemetery I had a tough time leaving, but as soon as I got in the car and turned on the radio, George Strait "Check Yes or No" came on. Harold would also say that the cool breeze on that 100 degree day was you as I sat talking to you.

Then at the dentist with Lily, I was signing some forms about the procedure and Los Lonely Boys "How Far is Heaven" came on. I remember how excited you were about that song asking me and Don if we had heard it, and playing it for us on the computer.

I got the paperwork in the mail for Lily's preschool. It amazes me how many times in the past year people ask for information on the parents and each time it stabs my heart to say "he is deceased." I was reading through everything and came across the bill for it, wondering if I should pay it monthly or in full. Then I decided to go through some mail that I hadn't attended to, and there was the check I had been waiting for over a year for. It made me think that it was you saying, don't worry, I will take care of Lily's school. Thanks, baby.

I need to have Tom print out another "dumb ***" award. I can't believe some of the things people say. My neighbor was telling me that she lived in Sterling Heights and how her kids were home alone when it happened. Then she said the guy was driving down her street at 90 miles an hour. Her exact words after that were "he could have killed somebody driving like that." WHAT?! The only thing I could respond with was "I don't think he cared about that." People continue to say dumb things without even realizing it. I can't even begin to describe how idiotic that comment was.

Finally got the garage door fixed. The guy remembered working on the door at our old house and remembered you. I liked our old house. I miss it alot. But I realize I miss it because I want to go back in time, not because I miss the house itself. I remember we were living with your mom and dad for those two months, and your mom and I went for a bike ride and saw the for sale sign. Do you remember talking to the lady on the phone and you asked her if we could come see it since we were right there. She saw us in the truck and was scared because she was by herself. She laughed when she met us the next day.

We loved the house and didn't know what to do next! We went outside and I called my mom on my cell phone. My mom came over and talked to them with us, and your parents came and looked at the house too. My dad came and painted every room that weekend that we closed on the house. So many memories there.

I remember just sitting in the nursery together before Lily was born, talking to each other. I miss that. Our talks, the comfortable silence, the affection we shared. What I wouldn't give to touch your hair as you are driving or lay my head on your chest. I would even let you put your chin on top of my head while I sit at the computer desk. You know how I hated that! Lily actually did that to me the other day....so much like you! It made me laugh.

I love you and miss you. Keep sending your signs and visit us in our dreams. xoxo

Yvonne

August 4, 2006

Yvonne,
Your strength inspires me. I have always felt that it takes a special woman to be a girlfriend/wife to a Police Officer. Only a select few are strong enough. You have proved that. I never met your husband, but your words show me what a wonderful man he was. Your husband will always be remembered with a blue light in my window.
Lily,
I know that you still see your Daddy in your dreams. Keep those dreams close to your heart and your Daddy will always be by your side, watching over you.

I pray that you both will always see the signs that your husband/Daddy send you.

Daughter of a Detroit Police Officer

July 31, 2006

I silently asked if the orange butterfly at the golf course was you, to come back for just a moment...

You came back.

Thank you...

July 30, 2006

Dear Mark,

Thanks for the sign the other day. It was so cool. I even missed turning at ten mile to come home. I went all the way to nine mile because I was so awed with the lights flashing in my car. It just made my day.
Yvonne and Lily were here yesterday for Trenna's graduation party. Yvonne went in the pool with Lily and then later I was sitting up on the pool deck with Tina and Lily wanted to go back in. Yvonne had already changed clothes so I told Lily that I did not have my suit on but would sit and hold her on the pool steps. Well that lasted for two minutes and I just walked down the steps, clothes and all. It was only 93 degrees out so it felt so good. I stayed cool the rest of the day while everyone who had not gone in the pool sweat their guts out.
I found another package at the cemetery when I went there on Monday. I lit the candle and blew Lily's bubbles. Someone left some very kind words and little momentoes. Your friends and co-workers are them awesome people. Rich and Eddie were here yesterday. Eddie and Krista are having a baby. They are having a boy. Harold and Lisa are expecting too but do not know the sex. Harold says if it is a boy they are naming him MARK. Just think a little Italian, Mexican dark hair little boy named Mark after you. Are you laughing??? We are. Maybe we will nickname him MARKO. What a nice gesture on Harold and Lisa's park. They are the cutest couple and have been very good to Yvonne and Lily. Lisa calls Lily. Little Lilita. Anyways thanks for the sign. I love you and miss you.

Love Mom

July 30, 2006

Mark,

Our best friends are going to be blessed with a baby. Harold called me at 7:30 in the morning a few days ago to tell me. He promised me I would be the first to know. An homage to the fact that he was the first person you told about Lily. I am so happy for them. They are going to be such wonderful parents. They again told me that if the baby is a boy they are naming him Mark. I keep teasing Harold that I have a bunch of girl names for him: Markita, Markla, Marketta, Markie, and so on! I know that you are very happy or them as well, and would be so honored in how they show their love for you. Although, I can see you teasing Harold about how long it took them to get pregnant versus how long it took us. Everything a competition! Mark got it on the first try... sorry Harold!

Your mom met Lily and I at the movies last night. I took her to see "Cars." She didn't seem too interested after she had her fill of popcorn and sour watermelons. She kept saying to your mom, "and after the movie I can go to your house and stay the night." Your mom had to work in the morning though. She was just cuddling on your mom's lap asking "Why" through the whole movie!

It is amazing how perceptive Lily is. We were in the car today at a red light, and I was upset, just looking off into space. Lily said "why are you so sad?" I wasn't crying, just thinking. At three years old she can read the emotions on my face. She doesn't like when I cry. The other day she asked me why I was crying and I told her I miss your daddy. She said "don't cry anymore" and crawled up into my lap and hugged me. Crying doesn't last long around her anyway, because she has the ability to lift my spirits and make me laugh.

The other day she mooned me! I was trying to keep a straight face and tell her that we don't show people our privates. I just busted out laughing anyway. She is learning to count in other languages. We started with Spanish going up to five. Then I started teaching her French. We got to two and she belly laughs. Two in French sounds like "duh". She thinks that is so funny. She says "let's do the French!"

She still insists every night that I tell her about our honeymoon. I told her about how we lost our keys in Jamaica and had to rent a car and drive to our place to get our spare keys and drive all the way back to the airport. I tell her about you diving head first off of the cliff into the ocean and going snorkeling. She tells me she was sad because she wanted to be with us on our honeymoon!

Lily's favorite show is Calliou. She loves mermaids and fairies, barbies, her elephant/butterfly game, trampoline, swings, dress up, and running! She still loves fruit roll ups and BBQ chips. She is going on the potty all the time now with hardly any accidents. She tells me to close the door "way" (all of the way) and that she wants to do it by herself.

The other night I woke up from a nightmare at 1:00 am and fell back asleep. At 2:30 am I awoke to a pounding at the door. I looked out and it was a police officer. My heart was pounding and I was shaking, wondering what could he possibly want? What had happened to someone else that I love? I couldn't fathom why he was there. When I answered, he told me that my central air unit was sparking and was a fire hazard. My neighbor called because it was so loud and was worried about it. He told me to shut it off and call to get it repaired in the morning. Needless to say I didn't sleep much after that. The memories of the night you were shot came flooding back. It took me a long time to calm down. My only salvation was that Lily was sleeping in my room. She had a fever that night and I wanted to keep an eye on her. I went to talk to my neighbor the next day and give her my telephone number. She said she didn't want to knock on my door and scare me. If only she knew how much worse it was to have an officer come knocking.

Strange thing happened today. I was talking on my cell phone in the middle of a conversation, when all of the sudden I heard a ringing noise and then someone different say hello. I said "what just happened?" And he said "why do you sound strange now?" and I said "who is this?" He said "Mike, who's this?" I said my name, and then my phone went back to my other call. Crazy. I don't know any Mike's besides your brother and Mosher. Over ten years of having a cell phone, that's never happened.

Do I just read more into these things? Maybe I just never noticed all of the crazy coincidences of life before you died. Maybe I search for them now to give me hope. I read on a young widow's website today that many of us wonder what has happened to our spouse. Where is he? How can he just be gone? I was suprised to read that, I thought it was just me. I know that during the times I'm crying and talking to you I ask you "where are you?"

I love you and miss you. xoxoxo

Yvonne

July 26, 2006

Officer Sawyers,
My thoughts are with you and your family everyday. My heart breaks for your family, your wife, and your little girl. I know God has a special plan for your family and you Will see them again. I know you are watching over them and that your love surrounds them. Nothing can bring ease and peace to what has happened accept for the knowing fact that we will all see eachother again soon. And when that happens, after you have hugged your wife, your baby girl and the rest of your family, I want to personally shake your hand and thank you for the service you have done. I put your memorial on my homepage so that everytime I log in I will remember your sacrifice. And as I go into work each night I will have you and your family on my mind. Rest easy brother, We will all rejoice soon!!

Officer
Local Police Department

July 26, 2006

Ofc. Sawyers,

The beautiful reflection (which brought me to tears because it was so beautiful and inspiring) your dispatcher friend/co-worker left for my husband and I brought me to your memorial page. Although miles personally separate all of us, I actually have family in Michigan (Macomb, Michigan). I am so grateful to know that officers like you were protecting them. Coincidently, my twin brother and you also have the same name (Mark Anthony). It is also comforting to know that compassionate dispatchers like your friend/co-worker are guiding the police through their daily call-outs. I can’t imagine being in their shoes and having to keep their composure while trying to separate personal feelings from business in times of traumatic situations involving friends/co-workers. It is said that God only gives us what we can handle. For your fellow officers and civilian co-workers that continue to do their jobs after your loss, it is not only a way to honor you, but it also reassures the community that God has placed strong individuals in those roles to carry on in protecting their best interests. Please continue to keep watch over your family, friends and co-workers from above now and always.

Mrs. Sawyers,

I have read your, your moms, and Marks moms reflections and my heart aches for all of you. Two years have gone by for all of us since our loved ones were taken away and yet it seems like it just happened. I still find myself saying, “WOW, I can’t believe this has happened” when it comes to my husbands situation. Marks friend/co-worker mentioned in their reflection “Though we are separated by miles, we are bound by this thin blue line. I am sorry that we are also bound by unexplainable grief.” Mark's friend is a wise and absolutely correct individual. May all of you continue to be comforted by Mark’s presence both in your dreams and in reality. I am a firm believer myself that they are still with us and always will be. God bless all of you.

Jennifer Aaron
Wife of Duke G. Aaron, III (EOW 07/20/04)

July 26, 2006

Mark - You are thought of everyday...

Officer
Bay City Police

July 24, 2006

My Dear Mark,

I miss you so much. Today is my birthday and my only want is to see you. That is all I want and I am not going to say anything more because my heart is breaking and I don't want to spend the rest of the night crying. I love you.

Love Mom

July 15, 2006

Mark,

I dreamt of you last night. What a wonderful dream to be able to touch you again. Those dreams are a much needed blessing when I desperately miss you. Yet there is a painful yearning in my heart when I awake. Sometimes I wish I wouldn't wake up just so I can stay with you.

It's a lonely night tonight. Lily wanted to see her Auntie Tracy and stay the night over there. I have nothing but my thoughts of you to occupy me. Well, I have lots of things to do but I never seem motivated to do them. I actually took the garbage out tonight, though. You know how that's my least favorite chore.

I got your sign today. I was at Meijer grocery shopping. Another least favorite thing to do. I guess because we always went together. I was telling my friends about that at work how I hardly go because I hate it so much. Everything there reminds me of you. Food that I pass up now because you're not here to buy it for. Watching families shop together how we once did. Seeing something you might like. Remembering how you tried to get us to eat healthier and encouraged me not to buy junk food. I was standing at the deli counter with all of those thoughts running through my head. I had grabbed a number and didn't look at it. I knew I was next in line anyway. She called #73, and no one was there. I told her I was next and gave her my ticket. Number 76. I kept it and put it in my pocket. What are the odds of getting that number from the ticket thing?

Lily has taken to telling anyone and everyone we come across in stores that her daddy is heaven. I know it is just her age and reaffirmation for her. She told an elderly gentleman at Subway "my daddy's in heaven, where's your daddy?" He politely said that his daddy was there, too.

Lily loved being up north. She just dotes on Alexis. She was glued to her every movement. She loves playing in the sand on the beach and going in the water. She made friends every day that she played. We ran into a few of the girls from the beach at the deer farm, and she said "it's my friends from the beach!" She didn't want to come home from my mom and dad's cabin.

On the way up north, I realized that the exit to my mom and dad's is the road "Old 76." Once you turn down the major road, one of the side streets is "Mosher Drive." Crazy, huh? I remember going up north with you a few times. One time you brought your four wheeler up there, but you said it wasn't much fun riding by yourself and the chain kept popping off. You sold the four wheeler soon after that. Remember locking your keys in the pick-up truck? We had to call a tow truck to get get in to it. You were so absentminded about stuff sometimes.

I was having a rough day yesterday. Lily was really cranky and needed a nap, so I took her for a ride in the car. I went to Stony Creek and drove around. I stopped in front of the water, and just sat and watched the scenery and listened to some music while she slept. Of course the tears started flowing. Many times I just watched her as she slept. Most of the time it makes me smile when I see your features or personality quirks in her. But yesterday, as I glanced at her little fingers that look so much like yours, it made me cry all the harder.

People say that time makes things better. Tell that to a three year old. I have found that it only gets more difficult. As she gets older she has so many questions. I have the most difficult task of trying to explain to her why her daddy isn't here, where he is, what happened, and so on. It weighs on my heavy each and every moment. I have read book upon book, researched websites, talked to professionals, and just about anything else that I can think of to figure out how to go about all of this. I worry that someone else will slip up and tell her something, because I think that the information should come from me. I have found some peace with all of this in talking to a counselor at my school. He is amazing. He gave me some very good information and ideas that I am forever greatful for. I feel like I have a starting point now for when she asks me how you died.

I have decided to go back to school for a second Master's degree in counseling. I would like to specialize in grief and loss to help other people in my situation. I have found that there is not alot of specific help for this type of loss. Grief and loss encompasses all aspects of life, but the situation our family has been faced with is challenging. I want to give other families a place to turn for help. I hope to work with the Thin Blue Line of Michigan in establishing information and resources specifically for law enforcement families. Perhaps I can use my experience to help others. I plan to start school again in the winter term of this year. I am still working part time, so I will be able to handle a part time college schedule, too.

I feel like I'm rambling today, but I guess it's because I have felt very lost lately. You were my rock, my refuge, my everything. I miss the simple peaceful loving family life that I had. I miss the way you would come up behind me when I was doing the dishes and hug me. I miss laying on the couch and reaching out for you to give me a hug. I miss so many of the little ordinary things we did that meant so much.

I love you, baby. xoxoxo

Yvonne

July 12, 2006

Good night my angel time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say

I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Where ever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away

Good night my angel now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay

And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep
Inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

Do do do do...

Goodnight my angel now it's time to dream
And dream how wondeful your life will be
Someday (our) child will cry and if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart there will always be a part of me

Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabies go on and on
They never die that's how you and I will be

(Billy Joel)

Friend
SHPD

July 11, 2006

Dear Mark,

I can't help but wonder if you helped me capture a picture a few days ago. It was Yvonne and Lily's last day up north with us, and we were at the deer farm. I spotted a small red dragon fly in the grass, and thought it would be a cool nature picture for Lily to see. However I could not focus on it as it blended in with the ground, and it flew off before I could try again. Yvonne and Lily left for home from the farm, and we went into town to drive around. While stopped in front of a home for sale, a big beautiful dragon fly landed on the antenna of the car right in front of my eyes. It stayed there long enough for me to get out my camera, zoom in an get an incredible shot. It had black and white alternating spots on transparent wings, like that of an angel. Signs? Yes, we do believe, and always will. I hope Lily likes the picture.

Miss You,
Diane

Diane, Mother-in-law

July 11, 2006

Lord, be with my deceased dear one and with those who have so loved him in this world. Guide them to the light of Your eternal rest and peace, and console those of us who remain with Your strength and love. May all of us use this difficult time to become a source of support and comfort for one another. Amen.

July 2, 2006

Mark,

I was having a bad day yesterday, so before my shift I visited your park. I haven't been there since the sign was placed in your honor. Joe worked really hard to make it look perfect...and it does. I cleaned it off a bit so that it would shine like it should. Being there reminded me to be thankful for things that I do have, and that life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

Now about those signs you keep sending...I believe that you are with us, somehow, somewhere. I hope Lily continues to see you in her dreams, and continues to hear you talking to her for a very long time. She misses her daddy. Please keep sending those little signals....Yvonne and your mom count on them to make it through some of their days! I must say the blue gum is pretty original...messy, but very funny. Leave it to you!

So long for now Charlie 30!

Kathy

SHPD

July 2, 2006

Dear Mark,

I miss you so much and hurt so bad. When people ask how I am doing I say okay because if I say anthing else I will lose it. It's been a little hard not working. I have tried staying busy around the house. Time does not take away the pain. It just makes everything more real. The bad dream is over and reality sets in big time. I feel so alone a lot. Nobody seems to understand my mood swings. I try to feel good but it's hard. I have to try really hard to be patient. You think I use to be short of patience. Laugh because I have less not. At least I realize it. Well let me stop my pity party and tell you that I road my bike to Lincoln today. That was two miles. I can see you grin.
Dad and I are going to go downtown tomorrow. We are going to go to Higgins Lake on Tuesday. Yvonne and Lily are suppose to join us up there for a day or two. Lily will love Higgins Lake. You know you can walk out for a long, long ways. It is so beautiful. Give us a sign that your are watching us. I know you are with us but a sign helps. I love you.


Mom

June 30, 2006

Mark,

This last week Lily has asked me at bedtime to tell her the story of our honeymoon. She wants me to go over and over what we did. She keeps asking where she was at. The only explanation I have for her is that she was in our hearts. Then she told me about HER honeymoon. I told her she hasn't had a honeymoon yet, but she insisted that she did with Kyle and Alexis. I tried to explain that it was a vacation. She was so cute telling her story.

Yesterday at the store, she told me that she wanted to die with me. I told her no, we don't want that to happen. She said yes! I want you and me to die together so we can go to daddy. She started crying and getting very upset insisting that that's what she wanted. I knelt next to her and hugged her. I told her that we still had alot of things to do here. She had to play, go to school, go to the zoo, etc. I told her that as much as daddy misses us and we miss him, that daddy would not want that.

In the car she started crying and saying she wanted daddy to come down from heaven so she could hug and kiss daddy. I told her that heaven is not a place that people visit, and that they can't come back. I told her that daddy did not have a choice, and that if daddy had a choice he would be here with you.

We went to the police station yesterday as well. She got to see John and Nicole. She wanted "cole." She likes looking at her pictures on her computer. Then when she asked where TJ was, Nicole said he was at home with Todd, Lily insisted on going over there to see them. Sweet as Nicole is, she called Todd and he said to come over and play. She was so excited the whole way over there she was singing a song she made up about 'going to see Mr. Todd, TJ, and Isabelle.' She had a great time over there. I am so thankful for the friendship and love they have given to Lily and me.

We are still working on the potty training. Lily is doing much better. Today she did it all by herself. She's growing up so fast. Your mom once told her to stop growing and she said I can't! I love when she lets me cuddle with her. I tease her and say that I'm going to cuddle and hug her even when she's my age.

Well, it is time for Lily's bath. Her treat for going on the potty was a push pop. She has red stains on her face and hands. She said she looked like Cat in the Hat because she got it on her nose too.

I love you so much. xoxo

Yvonne

June 30, 2006