Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

We listened intently to the statewide radio tonight hoping to hear that the suspect that shot Capac's Chief and a St Clair Co deputy was captured without further incident. However, the situation was not resolved by the time my shift ended. The $#@$#% is still at large.

I had that same eery feeling walking to my car tonight as I did the night you were killed. I cant explain it. Its almost surreal. So quiet in the parking lot, yet knowing that just a few miles away there is a department going through the most stressful time of their lives. I am sorry they must endure this chaos. Today their lives changed forever.

You are never far from my thoughts. I still miss you every day Mark.

Kathy

SHPD

April 17, 2008

Dear Mark,

Lily spent the night with me Saturday and we went with Michael and his whole family to the Shrine Circus. Lily really had fun. Aliyah (Trenna's daughter)was so amazed with Lily and everyone else. She isn't around kids at all and she just watched Lily every second. She is the best thing. Real quiet and never fussy. Anyways, Lily is so much like you. Her mannerism are identical. She sleeps like you on her back and crosses her feet. She loves to roll her eyes when she is not particularly happy or sure of something. She is a good little girl though. Yvonne has done a wonderful job of raising her. She likes school and is playing soccer on Saturdays. We all look forward to the summer break.
I better get to church. I love and miss you. Sometimes four years seems like yesterday but it seems like forever since I have seen you. How I wish I could turn back the time.

Love Mom

April 16, 2008

Mark and Family,

I am so glad to read how healthy and happy Lily is and how she is growing into a beautiful, smart little lady. We think of Mark very often and ofcourse we have all of you in our thoughts and prayers. The years pass but the memories stay strong in our hearts and minds. Best wishes to you all. Take care. Mark you are missed always.

Andrea Mitchell and Family(Mosher)

April 16, 2008

Dear Mark,

I have not written in awhile because it breaks my heart to write when I want to be with you.
Dad and I visited Chuck, Jim and their sister in Florida during my spring break. We did have a very nice visit with all of them.
Lily is spending Saturday night with me and we are going to the circus with Michael and his whole family. Remember the Shrine Circus. I use to take you kids and your friends every year. When I asked Lily if she wanted to go she was hesitant because she thought we had to take a plane and she will not go on a plane. I don't know why unless she associates it with the sky and heaven and not coming back. I don't know but she is pretty adament about not flying anywhere.
I love and miss you so much.
Love Mom

April 10, 2008

Mark,

I know people would think I'm crazy, but every once in awhile I get a sudden whiff of Kodiak wintergreen chew. It is such a distinctive smell that I always believe it is a sign from you. I know you were with me the other day as I played with Camden and Lily.

I had a rough couple of nights. Matt was on a fishing trip, and it was the first time in a while that I was home alone at night. Used to be that I would take a sleeping pill. However, that is not possible with a four month old! I still get a little scared and anxious being home alone. I let Lily sleep with me both nights. That always comforts me. And of course, she had to sleep in one of my tshirts!

She was so funny today. I was playing in the living room with her. She wanted to do all of the things we used to do when she was about two years old. I used to hold her and "steam roll" across the floor. She is so tall and heavy now that I can barely do it! She also used to push me over when I was sitting down. She did that and I was amazed at how big she is now. We went and looked at her height chart to see just how much she's grown.

She dressed herself today. She picked a pink long sleeve shirt with a kitty on it, a fluffy turquoise skirt, white tights with big pink and brown polka dots, and silver sequin shoes. It was so funny. She was so proud that she dressed herself and kept saying "I'm the most beautiful girl in the world."

I hope you saw her Easter morning. She was so excited about finding her basket and the eggs we hid. She had us cracking up. Her favorite gift is her Hannah Montana diary set. She has been writing in it nonstop. She keeps asking us how to spell stuff. She said she was writing a letter to Santa. She asked how to spell "Baby Sister"!!!

I go back to work in a few days. I am not really looking forward to it right now. I know once I start, I will be glad to be back to teaching. I keep thinking it's only two and a half months and then it will be summer. Lily doesn't want me to go back, she's gotten quite used to me being home. I hope she behaves for my dad when he starts watching her again!

Lily asked me the other day if I played sports when I was younger. I said, no, mommy was a cheerleader. She said "that's not a sport!" and gave me an exasperated look. Hope you laughed at that one.

Well, Lily is staying the night at her Aunt Tracy's. She was so excited to go over there. Before they left, she was trying to convince Tracy to buy her a toy at the store they had to stop at. Tracy was holding Camden and she said, "come on Auntie, you came to get me, not see Camden!"

Seeing my sister hold Camden brought back so many memories of her at our house, helping out with Lily. The summer Lily was born she was able to spend a lot of time with us. I don't know how I would have gotten through the summer that you died if it weren't for her. She stayed at the house with us for two months and took care of me, Lily, the house, feeding the dog.. you name it. I never had to ask her, and she never asked what needed to be done, she just did it quietly because she loves us all so much. She continues to have a special relationship with Lily.

Well, I have to get going. I just wanted to write a little before I forgot what I wanted to say. We love you and miss you as always.

Yvonne
xoxoxo

March 27, 2008

Mark,

One night when Lily was sleeping over, she said she was going to say her prayers “in her heart.” I asked her how do you do that, and she said “first you say them in your brain, then, they go to your heart.” I then asked her who was in her heart and she said “Daddy, and Daddy’s friend Mike.” So, all on her own, she knows that she holds you in her heart. I believe she forever will.

And just like Lily, all of us who love and miss you will always hold you in our hearts. This is so evident in the things we now do daily that have become routine for so many of us.

With Thoughts of You

At the start of every single day
I touch your picture along the way
“Love you Mark” I softly say

In the morning as I get dressed
Your badge I pin upon my chest
Over my heart where it gently rests

Reflections read daily, left by guests
Remembering you as one of the best
And again my emotions are put to test

With thoughts of you both day and night
An emotional struggle that won’t take flight
And knowing how nothing can make this right

Diane
Mother-in-law

March 21, 2008

Mark,

I can't wait for the weather to get nicer. I am tired of winter and being stuck in the house. I want to take the kids to your park and to the beach by the house. We did take a walk around the block the other day when it was about 50 degrees out. Lily rode her bike. She's doing really well on it now. I reminded her of how we used to walk when she was a baby with Caesar. He would walk right next to the stroller and she would get such a kick out of holding his leash.

I bought her a new pair of tennis shoes that lace up. I am teaching her how to tie her shoes. It is pretty comical. She's excited about it though. She asked me if her tennis shoes were fast and proceeded to run through the house!

She is just so smart. Matt calls her a little lawyer because she finds the loopholes in everything and debates everything too. She always says, "actually..." I have her kindergarten open house on April 8th. I had to fill out paperwork showing how much she can count to and what letters she knows. She did well on the upper case letters but needs work on the lower case letters.

She still says she misses you all the time. Today in the car she asked me if you put alot of bad guys in jail. I told her that you were a police officer for a couple of years so I am sure that you did. I told her about how you gave people tickets for breaking rules and that you helped to keep people safe. She asked if you kept her safe. I told her of course, daddy loves you very much and always kept you safe. She said you can't keep her safe anymore. We told her that you watch over her from heaven. She asked if you watch over Camden too. I told her that I am sure you do because we all love him so much.

Lily had her pictures taken with the Easter bunny. Stephanie was taking Emma, and Lily wanted to go. My mom took her to pick out a pretty dress and Lily picked out "heels". They are white shiny shoes with a little inch heel on them. She was so excited about them.

She keeps insisting that she is not going to get married because she doesn't want babies because it hurts! She said to Matt today, "High five for me picking a boyfriend and not getting married." We cracked up at that. She says she's going to live with us forever in this house. She says she wants to be an Aunt to Camden's kids. She is so funny.

I have been cleaning out the office and taking care of old papers that I never attended to. I found the cell phone bill from the night you died. It was so hard to look at. I saw your last call to dispatch and the time. I saw my bill that showed I called three minutes later. I will never know when I called in relation to what happened. That still bothers me to this day. I don't know exactly what about it bothers me, maybe I wish I had called earlier and talked to you one last time. I was calling you to ask you if you wanted to meet and get something to eat. I guess that saddens me, too. Knowing I could have seen you that night.

I looked at all the numbers on your cell phone bill. I didn't recognize one of them. I finally realized it was Dave Allen. You guys were working out all the time, and I saw that you called him almost every morning that last few weeks. I felt so bad for him when I saw that. I can't imagine what he has gone through, being one of the first officers on the scene and being so close to you. I hope he knows how much you liked him and enjoyed working out with him. I hope that eases his mind somewhat.

Well, I shredded the cell phone bill. I decided that I can no longer agonize over the phone call I made to you that night. Keeping the bill would only enable that. I know that you know how much I love you and I hope that my phone call made you think of that.

The bill helped me with one other thing. I remembered talking to you Wednesday night when I came home. I remembered that you came in the room Thursday night to see if I was awake, and I had been sleeping. I know I mumbled something to you and went back to sleep. So I thought the last time we talked was Wednesday. But the bill showed we talked earlier in the night Thursday. That made me feel better knowing we had talked the night before. We usually talked at least once a day on the days that we both worked opposite shifts, which ended up being two or three days a week. I wish I remembered what we talked about. I know that we said I love you, as we always did before hanging up the phone or leaving the house. I am thankful for that.

We miss you so much, Mark. Not a day goes by without me either talking or thinking about you. Please keep a loving watch over all of us. It gives me strength to believe that you are doing so. Your signs to us give me faith that I will see you again and be able to wrap my arms around you once more.

We love you,

Yvonne
xoxoxo

March 16, 2008

Officer Sawyers,

I come to the ODMP site as often as I can. It is my way of honoring those who paid the ultimate sacrifice and to do my part to assure that their not forgotten. I always visit your page. Each time I read new messages from your family. They are truly an extraordinary group of people. I can not think of one message that I have been able to get through, without becoming emotional. Their strength is admirable.

I have attended several police funerals since yours, including a friends (Det. K. Dressel, Toledo PD), each time they remind me or your beautiful and honorable ceremony. It was truly fit for a hero. Since then, before starting my day, I have dedicated many shifts to you and your family.

I will be attending the police memorial ceremonies in Washington DC this year. I intend on locating your name on the wall and honoring you with a salute. Although I never had the honor of meeting you, you’re my brother, and your loss hurts.

As always, God Bless you, your family, and friends. You are not forgotten, and continue to watch out for us down here.

Officer Shane Gadoury
Tampa Police Department, Fl

March 9, 2008

Dear Mark,

Lily spent the night with me Saturday night. We went and had our nails done, then I pulled her around the park on the sled and then she wanted to go to McDonalds and play on the new playscape. WE had a lot of fun. Yvonne, Matt and Camden came over for dinner on Sunday and then Michael, Cherrie, Trenna and Aaliyah came over to visit too. Everyone left at 5:30 so I could get to church.
When Lily and I came home from eating the light inside the garage blinked a couple of times. I told Lily that was a sign from you. She said what kind of a sign and I told her you were just letting us know that you were watching over us. Earlier she said I miss my Daddy. I love my Daddy. I have a hard time when she says that because I don't want to get upset and then have her more upset. She is growing so fast.
That's it for now. School starts in about five minutes.

I love and miss you.

Love Mom

March 3, 2008

MARK,

GOOD JOB WATCHING OUT FOR YOUR BROTHERS THURSDAY NIGHT. EVERYONE MADE IT HOME AT THE END OF THE SHIFT. THANKS FOR HAVING OUR BACKS!

SHPD

February 29, 2008

Hi Mark,

Saturday night was the MI-COPS Euchre Tournament. It went really well. Carol Garner puts some much work into the night. She has a lot of help from her family. They are wonderful people. Her brother Chris was from Warren, I know you know him. There were more players than they have ever had. We were one of the sponsors which was in your memory. A lot of your friends were there and had a great time. After the tournament everyone went out together to share old times. We all miss you and love you.

Love Mom

February 25, 2008

MARK I CANT BELIEVE ITS BEEN ALMOST FOUR YEARS. I THINK ABOUT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ALL THE TIME.I SEEN DONNA AND TROY ON SUNDAY AND WE WERE TALKING ABOUT ALL THE CHRISTMAS STUFF YOUR MOM WOULD PUT UP AT CHRISTMAS TIME I REALLY MISS SEEING IT.THE LAST TIME I SAW YOUR MOM SHE SHOWED ME YOUR WEDDING PICS SHE WAS AND IM SURE STILL IS SO PROUD OF YOU.

PROUD SUPPORTER OF THE BOWENS FETTIG LAW

MELISSA LAWRENCE
GREW UP NEXT DOOR

February 19, 2008

Mark,

Thinking about you a lot lately. It's such a small world. I guess its really not that ironic that a couple of your old partners from Detroit are now working here at SHPD. I like hearing their stories and memories of you. They, along with so many others are so thankful that you were a part of their lives.

A few months back I had Jason order more "76" memorial badge stickers for people that wanted them. The response was overwhelming. Its nice to pull into the lot and see the emblem in the rear windows of so many cars.

Your mom sent me an email not too long ago that read "When God closes one door, He opens a window..." When I looked through that window, I saw Yvonne, Lily and the rest of your family. I'm glad I didn't focus too long on that closed door...Becuase they have become a very important part of my world, and they hold a very special place in my heart as do you...

Miss you Charlie 30!

Kathy

SHPD

February 19, 2008

Dear Mark,

Dad and I met Yvonne and Michelle and the kids at the water park in Sandusky yesterday and spent the night there.
Lily had a ball. In fact, they all stayed another night. We had a suite with two bedrooms and a full kitchen and living room. Lily loved the kiddie pools and the hot tub pool that actually went outside. It was real steamy outside and we could see stars, the moon and of course all the snow on the ground. Lily also takes swimming lessons on Saturdays so she is becoming quite comfortable in the water.
I love and miss you so much. I wish you could have been with us.

Love Mom

February 14, 2008

... never forgotten ...

Officer
Bay City Police

February 14, 2008

Dear Mark,

It sure is cold today. Something like 20 below with the wind chill. Some districts are out due to the cold and others are on winter break. Michelle is out this week for break. Lily is out today due to the cold. Lily and I are out for break next week. We were out two days in the last two weeks because of snow. That was awesome.
He, you'll get a kick out of this one. Jason is our liason now at my school. How cool is that. I guess no more late night rides. However, now I can hold him over the heads of some of my kids. Straighten up or I am calling Officer Jason. I think it is neat that he is working in the same building as I am.
Well, it is almost time for the kids to come in. I love and miss you.


Love Mom

February 11, 2008

Dear Mark,

The big game is over and I am sure you and Mike are as unhappy about the Giants winning as I am. My Dad probably didn't care who won. He just likes watcching. I won twenty bucks on a square and Lily won forty. She hit the last quater and it paid double. Before the game she told me she didn't want to win dollars only change. She is so funny. Michael, Cherrie, Tranna, Aaliyah, Brain (Cherrie's brother) Ryan and Kristina came over. We had dinner and some of them played Jinga. Aaliyah just learned to walk and is so cute. She looks just like Trenna. Anyways its late and I have to work tomorrow. I miss and love you.


Love Mom

February 3, 2008

Dear Mark

Lily and I went with Michelle and Alexis to see Hanna Montana in 3D. The girls loved it. I tried to sleep(hah). Acutally I did feel too well. I have a chest cold. The girls really liked the concert. Lily loved the 3D glasses. Michelle also got her a Hanna Montana wig. Its long and blond. I said Mark always wanted a blonde little girl. (haha) Before we went to the concert we along with Dad went to watch Kyle play basketball. He reminded me of you when you played 4th grade ball. Dad was your coach and I was so surprised that he knew what he was doing and you turned out to be quite the player. People would say wow that number 40 is good. Between you, Billy and Tommy you guys had a great team. You guys won the All Star game that year too. We had snow Friday morning and most of us were off school. We did not get the predicted amount but schools had to make a decision a lot of them closed. Of course we were all tickled pink.
Michelle had a big TV mounted in her basement on the wall next to the bar. She is having a party for superbowl and so am I. Mine will be smaller. We all have lots of squares for the game. Lily has two squares but she said she does not want paper money. Only change. Boy, wait til she learns that one. I am sure you my Dad, and Mike will be watching the game. I am pulling for the Patriots. I am mad at New York for beating my Packers. Oh well, it happens.
Lily is here with us now so I will close and go play with her. She loves working out by jumping on the couch without the cushions. That is her WORKOUT. She is getting taller.

I love and miss you very much. You are in my thoughts all the time.

Love Mom

February 3, 2008

Mark,

I wish I could write on here more often, but it is difficult with two little ones. When I finally get Cam to sleep somewhere other than my arms, I have Lily to attend to! He is alot like Lily as a baby. She was a mama's girl, and he's a mama's boy. It is crazy going from one child to two. I often wonder how our parents did it. They both had little help and three kids at a young age.

We all went down to see your family a few weeks ago. Your mom made lasagna and we all watched a football game. Your dad was at his bar, and Michelle, Steve, and Matt went up there. I stayed back to feed Camden, and drove myself up there after. Your mom watched all four grandkids! I was only gone for an hour or so. But it was nice to hang out with all of them for a little while.

Your mom is so good with all of the kids. She loves them so much. She told me about how her birth mom called Camden Lily's half brother, and your mom got mad at her. She said, "no, he's her brother." She is so protective of all of us. I love her for that (well, for lots of reasons!) Your whole family has accepted Matt and Camden as a part of the family. Your mom even said to me "since you're my daughter in law, I guess that makes Matt my son in law." I can't even describe how these things make me feel, except to say that my heart was in my throat, I wanted to cry and smile all at once.

We had a nice Christmas, but a busy one. My family came here in the morning. Then we went to your parents house to see everyone. After that, we stopped at Matt's parents. What a crazy day. But it was important for us to see all three families. New Years Eve we stayed home with Lily. She was so excited. My parents came over. Matt was supposed to buy hats, but two stores were sold out. So Lily made everyone party hats. It was pretty comical. They were made out of white computer paper and shaped like cones.

Kathy was right about the challenges that still lie ahead. The new issue I have is people asking me how my "ex in-laws" are doing. The first time someone asked, I was so confused. I literally had to think about what they were saying. I was shocked when I realized they were talking about your parents.

I didn't say anything, because I know that people don't mean to hurt me by saying that, but it does. I wish there was a way I could politely say that they are not my "ex" in laws. I don't want to make anyone feel bad, but it is so inappropriate to call your parents that. We did not get divorced. They are still my in-laws. They are still my family. I wouldn't know what to do without them.

Lily, Cam, and I were looking at the pictures in Lily's room. She said she only wanted one daddy like Camden. I told her she was special because she has two daddies. Then she said she wanted Camden to have two dads too. She asked if you were Camden's stepdad. I said, 'no honey'. She got upset that you aren't. I said, 'well, maybe he's a guardian angel to Cam.' She asked what a guardian angel is, and I told her it's someone in heaven that watches over you. She seemed satisfied with that.

We had a little issue in preschool the other day. Lily pinched another girl because she didn't want her to pretend she was the same superhero "Fast Girl" that Lily made up. The teacher aid tried to make Lily apologize and Lily told her no. When her teacher came over and told her to go in time-out, Lily got mad and kicked her! She went in time-out but screamed/cried the whole time. I couldn't believe it when I picked her up from school and the teacher told me what had happened.

Matt and I had a long talk with her and put her in her room until dinner time. That punishment was the worst for her. She kept asking when she could get out. We also took away a birthday party from her. It was hard, but we wanted her to know that she can't behave that way. As Matt and I talked about her, I told him about how you were as a child, from what you and your mom have told me. He said, 'well, the good news is that Mark turned out okay!' I talked to Harold a few days later, and told him the story. He laughed and said, I'm sorry, it's not funny, but it is! He said it was just like you as a kid. I found myself wondering how you would have handled the situation and other behavior issues with Lily.

We started unpacking all of the books in the basement. It's been two years since I moved here, and I still hadn't done it. We found a journal I wrote in a year and a half after we were married. I had totally forgotten about it. The first and only entry I wrote was about our wedding day. I would like to share a few thoughts that I had written in there.

"I was so worried about how Mark's expression would be. I was wondering if he would look nervous. I will never forget walking towards him down the aisle. He was smiling at me and looked very happy. His look reassured me that he loved me and was as happy as I was..."

"... we held hands and he said 'you look beautiful'. He just melted my heart..."

"...before the wedding I was worried about the kiss, and I wanted to practice so we didn't look stupid, but Mark said no. It was a suprise; sweet, a little sexy, and totally Mark. I love him for his spontaneity. My wedding day was truly the greatest day."

"... Mark always sings to me a little when we dance, and he did for the second song, "I Cross My Heart" by George Strait."

Those were the thoughts that made me smile and cry when I read them. It was such a nice suprise to find what I had written and remember some of the small details of that day. Mark, as you put it in a letter to me once, thanks for always being the man in love with me. I love you so much.

There is so much more I could say, but it is getting late. Please keep sending signs to all of us that need them. Keep watch over Lily especially at night time. She still has trouble sleeping and doesn't like sleeping in her room by herself.

We love you and miss you every day.

Yvonne
xoxoxo

January 31, 2008

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxxxxxxx

lily

January 31, 2008

Yvonne,
I went to Officer David Petzold's site because I knew you would scour the pages, regardless of how painful, to find the reflection that was left. It was signed "concerned citizen". Someone out there led another to Mark's pages because, like it or not, you are an inspiration to those of us who know and love you, and (obviously) to those whom you have never even met. Your journey is far from over. Continue to take one tiny step at a time. We'll all be here for you if you stumble. Thats what friends are for.

I am so thankful to have you in my life. I don't know what I would do without you!

Love you!!

Kathy

January 31, 2008

Dear Yvonne ~

I saw a reflection on Officer David Petzold's site that someone left for his wife, Jessica, telling her to come on here and read your reflections to Mark because your words will help her to understand that it's O.K. to try to move on and be happy. I've only read back about 9 pages so far - after I get the kids to bed I plan on sitting and reading from page 1 - but I have to say I am so thankful to have found your husband's site. I've read many of your reflections so far but one stands out in my mind - you said that by getting remarried and having another baby you are not moving on and forgetting your life with Mark, but that you are moving forward and taking him with you - what a beautiful way to put it.

The three year anniversary of my husband's EOW is rapidly approaching and I struggle with so many of the same emotions that I am sure you struggled with as well - that I am sure all police widows struggle with - about wanting to find love and happiness again. It is so gracious of you to share so much of yourself on this site and you have no idea what an inspiration it is to see you blend your past with your present so beautifully. I wish you much happiness with your husband, your new baby and with precious Lily. God bless you all.

With warmest appreciation and much admiration ~

Carin E. Sollman, widow
Officer Jesse E. Sollman, EOW 3/25/05

January 30, 2008

Dear Mark,

Can you believer that Green Bay got beat last week by the Giants? Michelle said I should have worn your Farve shirt around Vegas. I wore it the week before but decided not to pack it for the trip. I sure hope the Giants get beat in the Super Bowl.
In Vegas, we all went on the Grand Canyon Tour which included the helicopter ride down to the bottom and then a boat ride. It was so cool.
Lily went to see Elmo last night with Emma. I have not talked to her to see how it went but I am sure they had fun.
Someone is ringing the door bell. I will close.
I love and miss you so much.

Love Mom

January 26, 2008

Just thinking of you today, and everyday.

Diane
Mother-in-law

January 16, 2008

...never forgotten...

January 11, 2008