Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

stephan,

i know i don't have to tell you this, but your wife is amazing...yesterday i reached the one year anniversary of my husband's passing...michelle called me twice and e-mailed me once...what a wonderful girl...she knew how i would be feeling already...it was a quiet, lonely day...it was hard not to focus on the fact that was the day chris was taken from mine and our children's lives...but, a little smile came across my face when i heard michelle's messages...just when i was down, she took my hand and pulled me up...

i had the honor of meeting your buddy colin at police week while he was there with michelle...instantly we clicked, and he helped me too...it was really nice...if you were anything like him (which i know you were) you too were an amazing person...

i hope that you and chris have become friends just as michelle and i...we think you guys are laughing at us all the time...

may you continue your watch over your family...i know they miss you ungodly as much as we miss chris...

rest in peace...

Susan C. Shea
Surviving Spouse DSP Cpl. Shea 07/18/04

July 19, 2005

I noticed that your name was taken off your mail box and everything cleaned out. They gave it to a rookie...

I remember when you were a rookie, I thought you were going to be a quiet one. Boy was I wrong! You always were a watcher, sometimes I thought you looked like you couldn't believe you were getting paid to arrest people and have this much fun. The last year or so wasn't so much fun as stressful but I'm glad you got to work with those people who were your friends. Sometimes they'll say one of your expressions,
"cracky crack" seems to be a big one, and I realize how much I miss hearing YOU say it. But everyone laughs and for a heartbeat you're there.

The fairs coming up in a couple weeks, it'll be the second one without you. Everyone will miss you and be thinking about you. And we'll get some "cracky crackheads" for ya.

July 10, 2005

Alot has changed in this last year. It took me months to realize that I had changed. I still have the picture, 6 days before you were taken. We were talking during SWAT training about how we were going to move to Maui, become professional scuba instructors and fish all day-every day. I have always been able to find people who are "REAL". Whether it be with themselves or with their family. I suppose that is way you and I always congregated towards eachother during training days and on patrol. You made those eight hours fly by. Always getting me into a foot chase or getting me involved on a code 5. What about the time you couldn't find me when I was chasing a subject on foot. Our rookie years together is the highlight of my career. You, me, and Brew. Academy to April 15,2004. It hasn't been the same without you guys. People change, the dept. changed. I changed. I see the pain in Michelle's eyes. I saw Lan at cam's birthday party and I saw her hurt. I thought of my kids daily after that, really thought about it. I know you are very proud of Michelle. We all are. She is so strong. I was told by someone that they admired me for making a change in my life..I admire them for doing what they do. I think about you, your michelle and the kids, everyday. I went by your headstone often and I want to thank you for listening to me blabble. Luv you buddy!

Zig

June 27, 2005

My friend Stephan, I was saddened to hear what happened to you. It's been over a year since it happened and I still can't stop cring. We had fun working at Wal-mart togeather. It was great knowing you. You told me so much about Michelle, I was glad to hear that you got togeather with her. I did finally marry Jim, Am now 8 months pregnant with our 2nd child. I will always remember your laughter, your love for life and your million dollar smile. May god bless your family, they truely lost a special person. Rest in peace my friend. Lisa

Lisa

June 14, 2005

Stephan,
We made it through the one year mark. How can that be when I so clearly remember you coming down the hall, almost always with that huge grin lighting the way. I remember how officers could be talking about someone whose name they just couldn't remember and how you'd walk into the room, hear a couple words and be able to not only pop off with the bad guys name, gang and address but remember the last time he was stopped and what he was wearing. Then you'd go into his girlfriends info and his mama's too. When we went out and did those gang sweeps I remember thinking how much you would have loved to be right in the middle.
I've been thinking of all the things you missed this past year in the department, the things that we missed out on by you not being here. I can't imagine the day to day things that Michelle and your family have missed. Stephan, just know that not only will we never forget you, we will not allow other to forget you either. We will not allow it.

MPD

June 12, 2005

Steph,
Well we made it thru May. It has been a torturous month, filled with so many tears and so much pride, a roller coaster of emotions. I miss you so much still and find myself waiting for you to come home somehow I know in my heart that patrol car will be rolling quietly to a stop outside Tay Tays window and you will walk thru our door, it just has to be because it feels like too long since I've seen that beautiful smile and been hugged and felt so safe in those monster arms.
The monument in DC bears your name but I still found myself saying I am NOT here for this reason this IS NOT happening to us, I miss you so much. Lan graduated 8th grade without her Daddy there, it just isn't fair. I know you watched her from above but it isn't enough. I can't believe I still cry for you to come home it feels like yesterday that you were stolen from us
and that this pain will never stop. I know you know how much I love you and that your children miss you and love you so much. the "guys" have been so good to us. They miss you too, I know it breaks there hearts to see us but I guess you know who really had your back in blue huh? You always said I was so strong, I try to keep that in mind on those days I don't think I can do this, even gone you continue to be my inspiration. I love you....shell

June 10, 2005

I will never forget 4-15-04, it was my birthday, a good day, until I heard that a fellow local officer had been shot and killed. I hurt for you, for your family, friends and colleagues who lost someone they loved. All the oficers in my dept. and around the state searched everywhere for your killer, followed every lead, put his face on every store front. I was relieved when he was finally found and arrested, hoping that it would bring your loved ones some comfort. Stephan, you are a hero and you will not be forgotten..every year on my birthday I will remember a brother in blue and say a prayer for you and those you loved. Rest in peace Officer Gray.

Ofcr. Sherri Thornhill
Fresno PD (Ca)

June 9, 2005

Stephan,
I can't believe how difficult it still is for me to see your picture or read your name and KNOW that you're gone. There's just that split second when I think I haven't seen you in a while or heard your laugh. Then just as quickly I have to think of something, anything else.
Advanced Officers has rolled around again with it's ARCON training, I remember last year how excited you were to have finally gotten 8 full hours to play with. CT's one of the instructors this year, I think you guys would have had such a good time training. Plus, I would have paid to see you and him together!
Your park dedication was last Thursday,I as surprised at how many officers showed up, all your friends and family were there. It was good to see your kids running around but heartbreaking to see them leaning against the park monument with your name on it.
Damn, you'd think after a year I'd be able to write this without crying.
Miss you always.

MPD

June 7, 2005

we will love you forever and you will always be in our prayers and hearts
<3

L and L and B

June 7, 2005

Stephan, I escorted Michelle, Landess, Isaiah and Cameron to Sacramento and Washington DC for your memorial. I found myself saying many times "it's unfortunate we are here but I am honored." It really was an honor to be there for you and your family. You have taught me so much Stephan about family, especially about raising children. We both talked about how we had three children and sometimes we argued about different ways in raising them. I know now that you were right about many things and I am a better father because of what I have learned from you and your family. You have such wonderful children, you did a great job. Your mother and your brothers and sisters were there too and they all miss you so much. They are also great people who learned a lot from you and they were eager to share stories of how well respected you were in the family. Michelle is strong, stonger than anyone else I know. Her parents are great people too and are doing well in seeing that Michelle and the kids are taken care of. I miss you very much. I know you know I held your hand but I wish I would have held you closer.

Your friend - CT

Colin Smith
Merced PD

May 20, 2005

Stephan I did not have the honor to meet you, but as a person that lives in the community I thank you for your sacrifice. Having lost my husband, I understand the grief your family experiences. My children too miss their daddy. God will work things together for good - in His time. I will pray for your family and your comrades around the country. Each one is valued and respected.
Blessings and heartfelt thanks,
larrae

Larrae - citizen

May 19, 2005

Stephan,I can't believe it has been over a year since you have been gone. The ceremony in Sacramento was beautiful. You would be so proud of Michelle and her hard work all year long. She juggled spending time with the kids and Measure H and she still hasn't given up, even though I know she is exhausted. Cameron and Isaiah look so much like you. Cameron talks about you whenever she is around us how her daddy is an angel up in heaven with big wings. It just breaks our hearts. Landess is definately a teenager and beautiful.You are missed more and more everyday Stephan. I know Colin thinks about you all the time and wishes he would have had more time to spend with you as he said "you two were just starting to really get to know each other." We miss you Stephan..

Family Friend
Merced, CA

May 11, 2005

Friday I sat and watched the clock, counting down to the moment when Dispatch began getting 911 calls of an officer down. The tone in her voice when she began calling, "57-16, 57-16" let everyone know something was wrong. Stephan's partners asked what she had, she told them and they were there in seconds. The clock ticked on and before I knew it, it had been one year. Stephan's gone, his unit's disbanded and nothing's changed. We still miss him so much. We miss the hip hop music he had playing in his car and in the office, and Stephan singing to it. The jokes his partners played on him, not just everyday but several times a day. We miss that thousand watt smile, it usually came with a giggle that made everyone around him laugh even harder. You can't tell from the picture, but he was a big guy. Built like Superman across the chest. Arms that were just downright scary. All the more amazing because he was solid muscle, fueled by junkfood.
Where did this year go, impossible that it's been that long.

April 17, 2005

A year without you...innocent children lost their father and a wife the love of her life. Senseless and tragic. Bless you Officer Gray and thank you for the good you did in this world.

Michelle and children...you are thought of and prayed for often. I hope you find strength and joy in the memories of the wonderful man you called Dad and husband. Bless you now and always.

April 15, 2005

It has been one year since you made the ultimate sacrifice, but you are not forgotten. Tonight, I will share your story at roll call, and the shift will be dedicated to your memory. Rest in peace, Brother.

Sergeant Randy O. Lamb
Wilkins Twp, PA Police Dept.

April 15, 2005

I think of you often and know that there are few person such as you were in life , Brave doing a job that is rough, And it cost your life , What a shame,But you are a true hero and your family and good people know this and we are so thankful for people such as you were , I will always remember you ,Even if I never meet you ,your still in my mind and heart for the good you have done. May God grant a healing peace for your wife & kids, Michelle Your husband our{ Officer }has touched all of us for the good of this world, He is remembered often .

Betsy C

March 9, 2005

Stephan: I am a rider for the Virginia Chapter of the Police Unity Tour. For our annual 3-day 250 mile bicycle trek to Washington, DC during Police Week, I will be wearing a bracelet bearing your name. When I am tired, I will look to you for my strength to pedal on. It is an honor to ride in your name...God Bless you and your family... Rick Davis

Police Officer Rick Davis
Newport News P.D. N-News, VA

January 30, 2005

It was a tragic day to hear that we lost another brother in blue. We all know the risks in law enforcement, but we still do the job, fighting what what people fear. Your family and fellow officers are so proud of you. You paid the ultimate price. Although nothing will bring you back, we hope that justice will be served. All of the members of the Gustine Peace Officers Association salute you.

Det. Cpl. Bryon PK Elness
Gustine PD

January 22, 2005

To my friend and brother- It has taking me 8 months to write to your without losing it. My heart breaks knowing I can no longer call you to have lunch or go to the gym. I am so sorry that your family has to live without you. You were the brother I never had and you helped me through my time of need. I'll always remember going over to your first house after working out and Michelle waking up in the middle of the night asking us if we wanted her to make us something to eat. How could we say NO. You guys always took care of me, making sure I was well fed and supporting me. I never had a chance to thank you for getting my wife and I together. You had to really convince her to let me call her! May you rest in peace and always look down on us with your smile. I love and miss you buddy! My Michelle and I will never forget you-you are truly one of a kind!!

OFFICER B. SIGARROA
MERCED POLICE DEPT.

January 17, 2005

Stephan, it's almost 9 months since you left us and the pain is still so deep. I still wait to hear you singing down the hall. Your smile and your voice will never be forgotten. Thank you for having such a beautiful spirit. As the wife of a police officer, my heart goes out to Michelle and the kids. Thank you Michelle for being such a wonderful example of a police officer's wife, your grace and your strength gives me hope. Stephan, "We will never forget." Love you.

January 15, 2005

Stephan,

I did not know you, however, I have met your wife, Michelle, and we share something in common. I too, lost my husband, Cpl. Christopher M. Shea, in the line of duty July 18, 2004. Our stories are different, yet we share the same end result...our wonderful husbands are gone from ours and our children's lives forever.

I met Michelle at a C.O.P.S. spouses retreat at the end of September. Instantly Michelle and I hit it off. We connected by our common bond. We are both very young with very young children, and miss our husbands immensely.

We have been there for each other, and will be forever. I bet you and Chris are up there in heaven together laughing at us. Please do continue to watch over your family, which I am sure you are doing.

Michelle and I will be together at Police Week 2005 as we sadly watch our husbands names be added to the wall. In all of our tragedies, one good thing that has come from this, is that a friendship for life has been formed.

Forever rest in peace.

Susan C. Shea
surviving spouse

December 4, 2004

THE HOLIDAYS ARE AROUND THE CORNER AND I JUST CAN NOT IMAGINE THEM WITHOUT YOU. YOUR SON IS STRUGGLING SO MUCH WITH THE LOSS OF HIS DADDY OUR NIGHTS HAVE BEEN SO DIFFICULT BUT I KNOW YOU ARE AWARE OF THIS BECAUSE YOUR PRESENCE IS HERE AND I KNOW YOU ARE IN HEAVEN PROTECTING US AS YOU ALWAYS DID HERE ON EARTH. I MISS YOU SO MUCH STEPH MY HEART IS SO BROKEN. I WILL BE IN THAT COURT ROOM IN THE COMING WEEKS AS WE WILL BEGIN THE OTHER PART OF OUR NIGHTMARE. AS I PROMISED YOU THAT NIGHT YOUR PHYSICAL ABSENCE MAY BE TRUE BUT I WILL NOT LET THAT MONSTER TAKE YOUR SPIRIT AND I WILL SIT THERE AND REPRESENT YOU AND ALL OF YOUR GLORY AND GOOD. WE MISS YOU SO DESPERATELY. CHA CHA WAS CRYING AT SCHOOL TODAY AND WOULDN'T TELL THE TEACHER WHY, SO STUBBORN LIKE HER DADDY, AND WHEN I ASKED HER WHY SHE SAID BECAUSE I MISS MY DADDY. WE ALL MISS YOU SO VERY MUCH....I LOVE YOU MY ANGEL....SHELL

November 24, 2004

Stephan,

We finally have most of them. It is such a painful irony to know that your dream to get them has come only as a result of your death. Our top intel guy keeps giving us intel from heaven. You know we would give it all back to have you with us again. Everyone has you in their thoughts.

I suppose I should be thankful we got them and be happy, but it's Halloween. Today I can only think of your family and how painful it must be to celebrate Halloween without you. I can't imagine how hard it is for them because it still seems so hard, for me. I miss you my friend. I think of you every day and I am so thankful that I was so priveleged to have been able to call you my friend.

Kimberly Madayag

October 31, 2004

I want Michelle to know how very sorry I am that she has lost her husband and the father of her children. My husband and I went to school with Michelle. She was always a well-respected, beautiful person. It's so sad to see her in the newspaper and on television so often. I think she's a very brave, courageous woman and I want her to know everyone is proud of her and the things she's doing to try to make our community better just like Stephan did.

October 23, 2004

I MET STEPHAN IN 2001 WHEN I RETURNED TO MERCED IN A SEARS STORE. I WAS GETTING NEW TIRES, DONT KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING, BUT WE STRUCK UP A CONVERSTAION. IN THE CONVERSATION HE WAS TELLING ME HOW HE 'MENTORED' AT RISK KIDS AND HIS COMMUNITEY INVOLVEMENT. I WAS IMPRESSED BY HIS DEDICATION; HE WAS EXCITED ABOUT WHAT HE WAS TELLIN ME. I KNEW I HAD JUST MET A GREAT GUY.

REST IN PEACE, STEPHAN. JUSTICE IS ON THE WAY.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN MICHELLE. I KNOW ITS HARD....KEEP PRAYING AND LIVING IN HIS NAME.

D. HICKERSON

October 17, 2004