Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

*MY FIRST CHRISTMAS EN HEAVEN*
I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below with tiny lights, like heaven's stars, reflecting all in rows.
The sight Is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear, but the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here,
I have no words to tell you,the joy their voices bring, for it is beyond description, to hear the Angels sing.
I know how much you Miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart.
But I am not far away.
We really aren't apart.
So be happy for me dear ones,
you know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I sent you each a special gift,
from my heavenly home above,
sent you each a memory
of my undying love.
After all love is a gift more precious
than pure gold
It was always most important
in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other
as my father said to do
for I can't count the Blessings or love He has for each of you.
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
LOVE TO YOU ALL!!!

TIA

December 27, 2004

Merry Christmas sweetheart. You are forever in my thoughts, as well as your family.

I wish the Espinoza family a merry christmas and a blessed new year. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. May God bless.

Con mucho amor

December 25, 2004

God bless the Espinoza family, and may your holidays be filled with positive memories to fill your hearts with love...2005 is a New Year. It won't be an easier year, but it will be a NEW one, a fresh start, led by a special Angel above. We love you Isaac!!! Renata, you CAN do it! You HAVE been doing it! There is nothing wrong with needing help or a break, you are human. You do what you can, however and whenever. I have never seen such a close family, and I am so proud to see such togetherness during your loss. You are strong. You told me the other day that Bella is even trying you (haa), because she sees your strength!

s.f.p.d.

December 24, 2004

Isaac I think of you often. I'm so sorry you won't be here for Christmas. Please give your family the strength they will need at this time. The holidays are time for cheer but they are also a time when you say good-bye to the year, and hope that the next one will be different. I beg that you comfort your wife, your parents and sister so they can have strength for your daughter.
God Bless You and your family this holiday season.

December 23, 2004

isaac, i miss you. this time of year has been really hard for me. I have been crying for about 4 days now and looking at your picture. Noah keeps saying how much he misses his tio isaac. i wish i could do something, anything to bring you back.our family, we love you so much!its so hard to cope.I know how much it hurts me and yet, i cant imagine what nina and bella are going through.I know you are looking down at us from heaven and watching over us. I wish you were here. God help us live life again, help us get through this. I love you isaac , you will always be in my heart forever. I will never forget you and I will always thank God for the time he let us have you. You will always be in our hearts.

V.Mejia

December 22, 2004

to isaac family i wrote here before i never knew him but broke my heard hearing about it i know how it is we lost two of our deputys in march of this year i just wish one day your pain will be gone but i know it will take time i read alot about isaac and i feel like i know him his a great person great dad and husban i wish i can take your pain his up there looking down at u with that big smile im glad his on my side trust me his up there still chasing i want u to know u have a friend from troy pa and my heart is with u al i wish u al the best god bless u al and isaac god bless u big smile

denise

December 22, 2004

Renata,

I did not know you or Isaac but my heart just aches for you. Nothing I can say or do will bring your love back.

If I had 1 wish and 1 wish only I would give it to you and just let you feel Isaac one last time.

Please know that you MUST be strong for your daughter and it is pretty easier said than done-but just think of all the happy times you 2 shared and all the sweet memories you will always have.

My thoughts are with you!

Selina
Hayward CA

Selina

December 21, 2004

If I had a wish
My wish would be this
That I could watch you with Bella
one more time.
See her love for you through her smile again.
Hear her laugh with you at your silly jokes.
See you dance with her to her favorite song like you used to.
I wish I could see you hold her in your arms until she falls asleep.
See you give in even after you have said no.
I wish I could walk in from work
and see you both on the couch eating Popsicles.
I wish you could tell me stories of what she did while I was at work
of how proud you where of her.
I wish I could hear you have those wonderful
Father daughter talks even though she was too young to understand.
Oh how I wish I could laugh with you.
I wish you where here to tell her
stories of Santa, you where always a better story teller than me
you had a good imagination.
But.....If I only had one wish
My wish would be this
That you would hold her in your arms and tell her "I love you".

December 21, 2004

Ice, I really miss you bro. We all do. Dear Lord help us cope and carry on I need you.

December 18, 2004

Isaac,I Feel confused and broken I wish I could hear your advice and words that always lifted me up when I asked you for it. Drama in my life bro I don't know what to do, think or say. But nothing that's going on in my life compares to you not being here with us. I miss u bro and love you.

December 14, 2004

Isaac,
It's Monica. I haven't written to you in a very long time. But I pray to you and think about you all the time before I go to bed and every second of every day. These past days have been really bad. I've been thinking about you and Renata so much. Just thinking, how you can be gone, and if it's all real? Is it real that Mr. Isaac isn't here with any of us anymore? Then I stop and realize that its true. The happiness that was once here, was taken away from us. I miss you so much Isaac. I have been struggling with my personal things at school and with things at home. I feel like I'm lost. Gosh Isaac, I think everyone wishes that this pain would just all go away. Renata misses you so much. She is such a strong woman. She thinks about you everyday and she prays for you to give her some strength to go on each and everyday. She does it for you and for Little Bella. She misses you as well. I haven't seen her in a while. I can just hear her coming home late at night, screaming, like usual. I love when she does that. Then Renata tells her to stop yelling. Its my favorite! I can't wait to see you, when its my turn. Sometimes I wish I can just leave right now at this moment, and just go up there with you. It will be time eventually, but why not right now? God works in such mysterious ways. Who knows what he'll do next. I just want you to be safe and take care of Renata and Bella the most. Make sure they're always safe, and please lift up Renata when you see her struggling or trying to give up. She needs you the most at this time. Don't worry everyone is taking very good care of her and Bella. No worries. Be safe and we all miss you so very much. Christmas is coming near, and it just wont be the same without your Christmas tree at the window, or your wood Christmas trees outside. I loved when they would be blown over because of the wind. Hehehe. Well I'm going to go now. Miss you and remember what I told you. Bye Isaac. You are truly missed each and every day.

Monica

December 13, 2004

As I sit here and think about what I want to say to you I can't help but to think that this is not real, it's not happening you are not gone. It has been the hardest weeks that I have had since you passed away. It is unbelievable how some people take their lives for granted, how they don't appreciate what they have. I see how they let little insignificant problems get in their lives and how pride, selfishness and unwillingness to compromise gets in the way of true happiness. I wish they would see how I would give anything to have you back. How I would give anything to be able to argue with you one more time, to hear you tell me how stubborn I am or to have you make me smile when I am trying to be mad at you. I wish I had that with you right now. I wish they would realize that I would give all of the material possessions and everything I have just to have you back. So Isabella, me and you could be a family again. It wouldn't even matter if we had to live in a little shack as long as we were together with you. Isaac how I miss you. Your passing has made me mature more than I could of ever imagined. It has made me realize how these earthly things and life's problems are nothing compared to living without the love of your life, the joy that keeps you going, your best friend, lover, the father of your child and most of all soul mate. It is no fun just being HALF ALIVE! That is how I feel now half alive without you. I see how much our lovebug misses you she asks for you a lot. Especially now that Christmas is coming because I know she remembers our tradition. What you used to stay up and do the night before so when she woke up the next morning we could see her big smile. Do you remember? I don't want to do it alone this year, but I will just to see her smile, just to see her eyes light up and so she can remember you. This is so hard. So unfair. Please help me. I am tired. Help me get thru the rest of this year. I feel as if I have no more to give. I don't want to give no more, I don't want to be strong anymore, but then I look at our angel and I know that she needs me and I do it for her. I realize that you are in a better place where there's nothing but peace, and happiness and you don't have to worry about all the hate and violence of this world, but I can't help and be a little selfish and wish that you were here to stop the pain, the loneliness the sadness the void that was left since you died. But I won't give up no matter what comes my way. Thinking of you always and forever. I love you Isaac, I always have and always will.

December 6, 2004

hey bro, i love u and miss you.I ask the to Lord give us the strenght to go on, and allow us to dwell near him at this difficult time , give My sister and my niece comfort.

Love you Bro : EGGY

December 2, 2004

Isaac,
I just wanted to say that you and your family were thought of this Thanksgiving as my family and I sat around the table and toasted in your honor. Renata, although I have only had the pleasure of shaking your hand once, you and Bella will be in my thoughts this holiday season and always. I pray that God will provide you the comfort you so desperately need during this time of season. Remember Isaac and all the love you both shared for one another. Don't try to reject and bury those memories even though they may bring you to tears. Embrace each and every one; hold on to them now as close as ever. I know it's difficult but you can make it through this. Don't rush it, let yourself heal naturally. May God bless you, Bella, your family and Isaac for all time.

December 2, 2004

isaac, we miss u, we miss u, we miss u!!! it hurts that people at work are holding things in. we've actually started to grow apart, and for some, lose morale and hope for support for officers in times of crisis. please reach out and touch us, remind us that we must stay strong and positive, for each other, for you. u were in our prayers at thanksgiving "grace", and will continue to be- always! i couldn't find the words to write earlier, all i could say to myself was, "this is FAMILY time, this is THEIR time". god bless, keep smilin'.

s.f.p.d.

November 30, 2004

All this feels like its a scary dream. You know one of those dreams that makes you cry and when you wake up you really have tears in your eyes and the pain that you were feeling in your dream still haunts you when you are awake, but then you realize "oh, it was only a dream. Thats how I feel, but only I cant just say "oh its just a dream" No, its very real and the tears in my eyes when I wake up are real. The dream about you not being here is real. Thats what makes it all hard to believe.

I did have a dream that made me cry, but not tears of sadness, they were tears of Joy. The dream was that I saw you again and that you were looking younger and stronger and shining like never before and that you woke up from your sleep and said something to me. I don't remember what but what made me cry was that you were alive and that you were ok.

I know you are in the presence of GOD and you are dwelling with him. Its hard to accept the fact that your gone.
"For to live is Christ and to die is gain"
Because your time on earth was only temporary as all our lives are, and you have accomplished the GOAL set for you in life. You touched a lot of lives in a way only they know. You now dwell in heaven with the one who gave his life for us so that we may live a life full of Grace, peace and love. Life on this earth that only offers death, hate and deceit is no longer yours. You have been given something that only GOD can offer and that is eternal life.

November 30, 2004

I miss you so much. Today has been hard. My heart aches. I want you back with us. New Years is coming. Christmas is coming. We spent those days together. My heart aches. It would be so much better if you were here. I love you cousin. I wish you were here.............

November 29, 2004

Renata,

As I read your last reflection the tears just streamed down my cheeks. I look at the window and want to do something to ease your pain, but as the days pass I realize there is nothing that I can do but pray for your heart and mind to have peace. Someone gave us this poem the first year after my grandma died and I wanted to share it with you and your family.

Christmas In Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below with tiny lights like heaven's stars reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular please wipe away that tear
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
but the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you of the joy their voices bring
for it is beyond description to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I can't tell you of the splendor or the peace here in this place Can you just imagine Christmas with our Savior face to face?

I'll ask him to lift your spirit as I tell you of your love
so then pray for one another as you lift your eyes above.

Please let your hearts be joyful and let your spirit sing
for I am spending Christmas in heaven and I'm walking with the King.

Wanda Bencke
"copyright 1998"
published by permission

I wish you and your family peace this holiday season. Please know we think of you, Bella and the rest of your family each and every day!

Kristi

November 29, 2004

hey isaac. wow it seems like it was only yesterday when it was the last time i saw you. My cousins wife is having a baby. and she is due anyday. actually she is overdue. she was supposed to have the baby wednesday. anyways, we were going over the things a baby needed making sure we had everything. then i said a baby wipe warmer. and i remember going with uncle gerry to toys r us looking for one for a baby. and i was trying to remember whos baby it was. then finally later in the day i realized that it was bella. it made me think...about you, about memories, and the good old days. when you were here to making us all smile and endless smile...

fina

November 28, 2004

Renata, there has never been a time when i wish i had magic powers to heal some one then now, as i sit here and read your reflection i cant help but to cry... im 8 months pregnant and i cant imagine ever loosing the father of my child sometimes i take him for granted but then i come here to read up on the new reflections and i think god i am so lucky. i cant even fall asleep unless i have my fiance by myside what would i do if i was you ... i couldnt do it.. im so sorry and i really wish there was something i could do to tke it all away..its just not fair.. sorry...god bless

November 26, 2004

Dear Renata: I know there is nothing I can say that your pain is going to go away, it never does we just get use to it and is part of our lives, I know how you feel, 18 years ago, I was also a young widow with two young kids to raise on my own, my husband Emilio was killed three weeks before Thanksgiving and as you I thought I had nothing to be thankful for, but I was wrong I had a lot, I had my two precious kids that were part of the man that I was hurting so much for, I had beautiful memories and I had the Honor to had been Emilio's wife...you see right now for you everything is dark and ugly and that pain is so hard that you can hardly breathe, but it gets better, you will be better, life will be better for you and for your daughter. You will never forget Isaac as I have never forgotten Emilio, but I can promise you, dear friend, that yes, there is light at the end of that dark tunnel..have faith, there are a lot of us out here that are willing to talk to you and be there for you, we are just a phone call away and e-mail away..you have both of mine...

Hope everything went well with you yesterday...

Love and hugs,

Terry

terry miyares, surviving spouse
Officer Emilio Miyares, Hialeah PD, Fl 11/6/86

November 26, 2004

Thanksgiving was really hard for all of us. I kept thinking of Aunt Carol, Uncle Isaac, Regina, Renata and Bella. How it must have been for them, for their Rock was gone. Everything that they lived for and breathed for, gone. It is really a hard time for the whole family. This is such an emotional time!

November 26, 2004

hey isaac i know that you're not here anymore and i wish mostly for your wife to be happy and i know it's not easy and i know that renata needs to be happy and she needs to take care of your daughter soon we will see each other in paradise and hopefully your family will be there too.

a friend

November 25, 2004

What can I say right now sitting here wishing I could go back in time to last year's Thanksgiving. Sitting here unable to stop crying trying to find the strength to get out of bed and see my family who worries about me. I wish this day was over. I have so much, but yet feel unable to say thank you or be thankful because you are not here, and I miss you so much it hurts so bad. I thought I would be okay but I am not, the pain is unbearable the memories are overwhelming and I cannot stop crying, screaming out your name wishing you were here. It's not the same. All I could think about is how much you loved thanksgiving at your moms. How everything she cooked was for you, her wonderful baby boy. How much you loved all the family to come to their house and celebrate thanksgiving together and how as part of the tradition I was given the chance to make the pies and was even shown the family recipes. I cannot do that this year or maybe ever. It is too hard. I have nothing to look forward to. I miss your smile. I miss your face. I just want to stay in bed and cry until I can't anymore, maybe then you will come down and comfort me. I don't know. Please take this pain away it is much harder than I thought it would be. I cannot celebrate when I am not thankful It means nothing to me, nothing at all. I don't get it, why you, you were not suppose to die, not you. Your life was just beginning, we were so happy. Why you? I don't get it. I wish this day was over. I am thru with holidays I cannot handle them without you. They are about being with your family with your loved ones, and now I don't have you and our family is broken. That sucks! It's not fair. I am thru with these holidays. I cannot handle them. I wish this day was over....

November 25, 2004

Still think of your everyday. I love reading about you...I was at the "R" Ranch too. But I used to watch you from afar. I'm glad we became good friends as adults.
823

November 24, 2004