Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Yesterday I was on the street in Bayview. I thought about you. I thought if you were alive you would be meeting me there, watching my back. Then I thought, you were proably there watching my back from above. But that brought me no peace.

I ask over and over again, Why did he take you. Why you and why all this pain. Why do we all hurt so much. So many questions that will never be answered. I cry and cry and cry and it never seems to get better. I miss you Isaac.

February 18, 2005

God please help us all, take all this hurt and anger and give us peace. We love and miss you Isaac.

February 16, 2005

Hi Baby,

What can I say but that today was a long day. It was my first Valentine's Day without you in 13 years. I woke up numb. Which I guess is good, I felt nothing I blocked all the pain away. I tried not to think of you or our last Valentine's together as I went into the store and saw all these people in love buying Roses and Balloons for their lovers. A feeling of anger and unfairness came upon me as I picked out three dozen perfect yellow roses for you. Thinking I shouldn't be bringing these to him. I should be waking up to find a vase full of roses with the most perfect card telling me how much you loved me. Ha it's not fair I find myself saying out loud. As I drive to see you with sadness taking over me with pain filling the bottom of my stomach, I look up and for a second I feel peace, warmth. It has stopped raining. I arrange your roses all around you and stand back to look at them, they are so bright and beautiful like the sun they remind me of your smile. I talk to you for a while, I tell you how much I miss you, how much I love you and then stop to say thank you for all the 13 Beautiful Valentine's I got to share with you each one unique, special. I kiss you good-bye and start to walk away just to realize......
Today is my first Valentine's Day without you.....

February 15, 2005

Iz, I know today has to be a very difficult day for you and our/your family. For you to be up there watching down on what is going on here on earth, sometimes I know you are pissed, so are we. I know you know that we love you with all our heart and soul, it's days like today when we are reminded of the void in our lives. Thank God for the big family we have, for the bonds and the memories we have shared and for all the love that keeps us together and that helps us get through each and every day, especially the bad days. I love you.

Your Big Cousin

February 14, 2005

I just found this page yesterday. I didn't know you, but by reading everybody's messages I can see you had a good heart. Help your wife through this. Her posts brought tears to my eyes while I scrolled through the pages. Rest in Peace and God Bless your wife and daughter

February 13, 2005

Isaac,
I know I haven't Written in a while but I can't find any words to write. I hate the fact that i can't talk to you face to face! I know also that I haven't visited you lately, but please understand that's its unbeleivable to me that you lay there. I'm sorry for never saying the things that I should have to you. I miss you alot and I thank God for all the years he gave you to my family and I to enjoy. I want you to know that I have been praying for your family because i can only imagine howhard this is to them. Just so you know I will go see you today ok. I want you to know that not a day goes by without me thinking of you! I have not and never will forget you Isaac. You are my brother and it tears me apart inside to know that I will never laugh and joke with you any more, for you are with God and in peace with him. Thank you for all the great years that you shared your smile with us.
All My Love
Rudy

February 11, 2005

Hey Isaac just wanted to write and say say hi and that I was thinking of you and really miss you.

February 11, 2005

Isaac, Hi. I know i know, I havent written to you in a very long time. Im sorry. Ive been busy & busy thinking about you, but that doesnt mean ive forgotten about you. I miss you soo much. I know i say this all the time but it just doesnt seem real. Months have passed by but it feels like it was just yesterday that you moved in next door. I still dont know why Isaac, i really dont know why. Sometimes i still look out my window and just can picture you working on your house and waving to me and saying hello to me and just smiling like everything was going to be okay. It kills me inside so much you dont even understand. I just dont understand why it was you, you know? I will never understand I guess. Its so funny because when people open my phone your picture is on my wallpaper, and everybody always asks me " Who's that, your boyfriend?" & i go " Yeah something like that" Hahah then start laughing. But i tell them that it was someone very speical to me, someone who will never be forgotten & someone that i loved truly. Isaac, i wish you were back here . I want you back. I really do, everybody does. It feels like you just left without a word, just like that. Gosh Isaac. I cry everyday just thinking about you and ask myself " How can Renata be so strong" Crying doesnt get my anywhere, but just makes me more sadder. But talking to you at night and everyday and every moment i have, makes it so relaxing. I feel like your listening to me and even though i cant see your face and you cant talk back to me, i can still feel your presence with me. Yu my angel Isaac. An angel that ill NEVER EVER EVER EVER forget about, do you hear me? I hope your doing good. I miss you Isaac. Till never time. <3

Monica

February 10, 2005

Still think about you Isaac. Life goes go but it doesn't feel the same without you. I want to call you and ask what you have been up to. I want to hear silly stories or see you dance. You were too cool to leave this world. It is not fair. Miss you.

February 9, 2005

Just an FYI, the Pre-Lim hearing set for 2/15-16 has been continued. The new date will be April 11th, which is actually one year and one day later. Time has not yet been determined.

Thank you All for your support, love and endless kindness that you've shown our family. We really do appreciate it.

Isaac's Cousin - Nancy

February 7, 2005

When this began
I had nothing to say
and I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
and I let it all out to find/that I'm not the only person with these things in my mind
Inside of me
But all the vacancy the words revealed is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to loose
Just stuck/hollow and alone
and the fault is my own

It's easier to run
replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
wounds so deep they never show
they never go away

Sometimes I think of letting go
and never looking back
and never moving forward so there would never be a past. Then I realize there would never be a you in my life, and I rather hurt inside than not have you.

Just washing it aside all of the
helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change

It's easier to run
replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Then face all this pain here all alone.

February 7, 2005

Thanks for the update, and keep them coming. We will keep up with the fight for justice.

February 7, 2005

PLEASE MARK YOUR CALENDARS AND PASS THIS ON FOR ISAAC'S FIGHT FOR JUSTICE, PRELIMINARY HEARING:

Date: Tuesday, Feb. 15, 2005

Time: 9:00 am

Place: 850 Bryant St. Hall Of Justice
Department 23

Please come out and show your support on behalf of Isaac and the Espinoza family! You might get stuck in traffic, you might miss out on a few hours of sleep, parking might be hard to find, but a moment of sacrifice lasts a lifetime! Isaac always had time for us, please make time for him!! Thank-you, God bless.

bayview officer-mids
s.f.p.d.

February 6, 2005

It seems like it was yesturday when I last saw you. I can't believe that we're slowly moving towards the one year anniversary. I miss hearing your voice. I miss sharing the details of our lives. Every now and then I go through a brief moment of denial. Sometimes it happens when I'm on the phone with mom and she's telling me what's for dinner. I get ready to ask her what time your coming over with Renata and Bella. Then I have to catch myself. Other times my brief moments of denial happen when I'm at home. I sit on the couch and I'll look at the window, wondering if you'll be knocking on it. I miss having you pass by to check on me. I simply miss you every minute of any day. Life is not the same without you. I love you and I miss you.

Regina

February 4, 2005

We at Bayview station miss Issac very much. We have had a little Memorial for him ever since his untimely death. The small Memorial will soon be taken down and replaced. We have plans to make a permanent Memorial for Issac in the Rotonda of the Station. The Memorial we be there for everyone to come and reflect on Issac and remember how great he was. We will never forget him and will always love him. We prays are always with his family.

Police Officer /Troy
SFPD

February 3, 2005

No matter how many days and months that go by I still can't come to the reality that you're gone... but always remember you're never forgotten we love and miss you so much Isaac
Love Jozzie

February 2, 2005

ZAK,

We watched your video (sfpd) last week. I don't know how to explain it, but, when I see you, its as if you never left. Your eyes are it...they're real, they're loving, they're comedic, and we miss them. I finally understood why I didn't believe it was you when I said goodbye, because I couldn't see your eyes...they told me not to say goodbye. I'm angry Zak. I try not to be, but I don't want to lose another friend, another brother, another officer.

bayview officer
s.f.p.d.

January 29, 2005

we miss you Isaac, it just doesn't seem real, it seems like we are waiting for you to come home from some trip you went on....You will always be in our hearts and will always be remembered. Sonia

January 27, 2005

Isaac, I miss you alot today.. will it ever hurt less?? thank you for watching over us, I love you and miss you.

Viviana Mejia

January 27, 2005

I keep you and your loved ones in my prayers and thoughts daily.

January 27, 2005

Dear brother, not a day goes by that with out asking myself why this had to happen to you. I wish there were something I could do that you would be able to come back to us. We all miss very much.

January 26, 2005

I will always remember you,will you remember me?

In my heart you will always remain, yet I know heaven is where you shall be.

Look down upon us, and know that we are
there,remember us and know that we care.

I will remember you friend, for all that you are, we know quite well, that you are riding on that distant star

looking down on us through those tearing eyes, watching us contribute our painful good-byes

good-bye yes, but never in our hearts
distance will never separate us, though we are far apart

our friendship is a vision I shall forever see
I'll keep it locked and stored away within good memories

I know there will be a time when we shall all be together once again, to bring a new begining and to close this painful end

I know by your actions, you had always meant well, when shall we meet again? only time will tell

In my heart, you shall always remain my true friend and so this message to you, on a star I shall send

We think of you friend,and we hope you know it's true this is just a simple reminder of how very much we miss and love you
"J"

January 25, 2005

Hi, Ieze today was a day were we thouhght and talked about you. I think about you everyday, but not everyday we talk about you with everyone becuase sometimes its to hard. I talked about you and wanted to cry. I felt so sad because I cant believe that you are gone. I wish you were here and wish that you had never left. Not a day goes by were I dont think of the last time I saw you and the night you left. I cant forget! I keep your smile in my memory and your laugh in my thoughts. I miss you and wish you were here.
love you always, Rach

January 22, 2005

You came to me in a dream last night...Thank You

January 22, 2005

TOGETHERNESS

Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
Whatever we were to each other,
That we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way
Which you always used.
Laugh as we always laughed
At the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be the household word
That it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was;
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of your mind
Because I am out of your sight?
I am but waiting for you,
for an interval, somewhere very near,
just around the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be
as it was before – only better.
Infinitely happier and forever
We will all be one together with Christ.

by an unknown author

January 20, 2005