Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Renata, Bella, Carol, Isaac,and Regina I am sorry that I haven't been to this page until tonight. I can only say that it has been to hard for me to participate in some of these things. If I were to say anymore about my feelings it would be selfish. It is pointless to try to describe how sad I am for you all.
As police officers we are all used to solving everyones problems one way or another. I have searched my heart for a solution and I can not find one. There are no words I can say, there is no law I can cite, or look I can give that will change the way you feel. I wish in my heart, I could take all of your pain away from your hearts. I am sorry, truly sorry I can not. Every time I look into your eyes I feel like the only thing I can do is remind you of what you have lost and I try to say as little as possible. For that I am sorry as well. I would gladly trade places with your Son, Brother, Father, Husband, Nephew, Cousin, and Friend. We all know I can't. I have prayed for all of you every night since he has passed. All I can do is hope that if enough of us pray for you it will help bring you peace. Even though we didn't hang out that much I really did love Zak. As did everyone. I wish I could have been there to protect BP and Him that night.
I liked Zac from the moment we met. He was funny, competitive, a great athlete, and I soon learned a great cop. I am honored to have been able to work with him and beside him. You can always be proud of him. The sad thing is I have only gotten to know all of you after. You are all exceptionally good people and deserve to be happy. I am truly sorry for you all and I will try to be around for you more. I know that these words will not solve your problems but I have to try- Try to remember the good times you had with him. I knew Isaac as you did. I know he would not have wanted you to be sad. He was always happy and he always made everyone around him happy one way or another. He would have wanted you to celebrate his life and not dwell on the unfairness of his death. As I loved Zac I love you all and I will continue to pray for your peace. God Bless You, Bella, Renata, Carol, Regina, and Isaac.

Zac, I love you and I miss you, I will always have you in my heart.

S.F.P.D.

April 13, 2005

Please come back Isaac. Pleaseeee, Today i was crying the whole day at school, my mom thought it was because of my friends, but it wasnt. Today it really hit me that you really arent ever coming back. Im never going to see her smile like she used to. Its not the same anymore. Today it really hit me. I dont know what to do. Im so depressed. Yesterday at night they were showing a video clip on you and when i heard your voice i couldnt help but just cry outloud and just ask why and just couldnt take it anymore. 1 year i havent heard your voice and i heard it after all that time and my heart just dropped. I miss you so much. My god i have so much anger and hatred in my heart. I know you wouldnt want me to have it but i do. I have hatred and no love for anyone anymore. Life is to short Isaac and i need to live life like theres no tomorrow by following my heart and doing whats right and making the right decisions, just like how me and you always talked about. You did what you loved doing everyday of your life, and you were realy good at it. I hope one day i can have ths same courage as you did I miss you Isaac. I know that youll never forgot about me and my family and especially Renata and Bella and your family and hers as well. Please watch over all of them I miss you.............

Monica

April 11, 2005

Hey bro.

I went to see you yesterday. I know you were probably laughing about all the things I was talking about that we or should I say you used to do in class. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I miss dawg.

Renata, sorry that I did not say much to you yesterday as I was leaving. I felt that this was your time to be with Isaac without any interruptions. Thank you so much for allowing me to complete my visit with him. I hope to see soon.

God bless you and Isabella.

Patrick

April 11, 2005

Isaac... it's been one year today, but yet it still feels like yesterday, it's like we all had to relive that terrible day all over again, we miss and love you so much Isaac words can't even begin to express the way we all feel, may you rest peacefully above...

Love Jozzie

April 11, 2005

Dearest Isaac,
I have been thinking of you a lot lately, and today when I opened the paper I could not help but burst into tears. I know that you wouldn't want me to cry but I just can't help it sometimes. I still find it so incredibly unfair that you got taken away from us. And I don't think I could ever apologize enough for the way I left things with you. I know that you would've understood and that you would've forgiven me, but it makes my heart ache that my last memory of you is me being angry with you. Please, please know that I cared about you so much. You were by far the most genuine person that I have ever met. I love you very much and I miss you everyday.

Love,
"Your Little Carmen"

Friend

April 10, 2005

time flew. i still cannot believe that it already has been a year that uve been gone. stories and memories have not faded one bit.i still do think of you in the middle of my classes. we all love and miss you.

may god bless you

Aracelia

April 10, 2005

Just back from the dedication. It was truly beautiful. You are so loved by your brothers and sisters in Law Enforcement. They did a beautiful job in preserving a little piece of beauty in an ugly area of San Francisco. Just the thought that follow officers can step outside and into that beauty warms my heart. God Bless all of them and God Bless you always.
Auntie

April 10, 2005

We went to the cemetary today, you had so many flowers, and a beautiful bouquet of yellow roses. We cried and prayed and still keep asking, "why you"? Our pain is just a grain of rice compared to the pain Renata and your family is going through. This was a bad day, but maybe tomorrow will be better. You are in heaven with God, and some day we will see each other again, but until then we will keep talking about you, to keep your memory alive. I miss our little chats, and the last couple of days that has been raining, all we could think of was you on your roof that night trying to cover your leak and all we had to do was look out Monicas window and it was like you were there with that tarp talking to us. We all miss you so much. Sonia

April 10, 2005

I sit here in this darkroom trying to decide whether or not crying is the cure to my aching heart. As I watched so many people come and celebrate your life today with your beautiful garden and beautiful family I wonder if there will ever be any answers to all the questions I seem to conjure up everyday. I know one answer for a fact and that is we will see you again. I hope your waiting for us on the steps to heaven because im waiting to go and see you. But for now let this time be a lesson that no matter how much we want something or how hard we cry things arent always going to go our way. When I see you, everything will be fine...cause your smile is the cure for anything.

I LOVE YOU ISAAC

April 10, 2005

Issac-
One year man. I know you are missed and there will forever be a spot in mine and everyone's heart just for you. My police academy class has dedicated our class to you and everyday when we do that one extra push up for you it helps me get through that long day. You motivate me and my class. We think of you every day and you are what keeps us going. when are running and i see that 64 number on our "guide on" it makes us push that much harder. you are an inspiration to my life. i wish the best for your family and beautiful little child. Your watch may be over. but we know that you are forever watching over us. We've got it from here! With much love- your brother eric dunn

Eric Dunn
Palomar Police Academy

April 10, 2005

One year has passed. Passed without you. The lonely days that she goes through everyday. The weakness she has in her body. Her thoughts of you run through her head. Its so hard to imagine that your never coming back. I miss you so much. I wish you were here. I miss you so Isaac. Today is a bad day, but maybe tomorrow it wont be as bad. I go on smiling, not crying because we had some great and wonderful memories with you. I want to smile because you lived a great life, with the one that you loved and had a beautiful little girl, it was short, but your time with her was klike a fairy tale. I smile now because i know your watching over us and bella and renata and your family and her family and your smiling right back at all of us. Your always in heart. Miss you, until i see you again.

Monica

April 10, 2005

Issac, I was thinking of you all day yesterday. Then today I saw the picture of you on the back page of the paper and the tears welled up in my eyes. You are so missed here in the neighborhood each and everyday. When I was at Opening Day on Tuesday the flags were at half staff for the Pope and that reminded me of you because last year they were at half staff for you and the moment of silence was for you. I still hold your smile and friendly nature in my heart. We think of you, Renata, Bella and your family everyday. I ask God to give them the strength to go on. I wish them peace. God bless you on your one year anniversary with the angels. Kristi

April 10, 2005

Sure is a lot of love in these reflections. There is no doubt that you will not be forgotten.

Deputy Sheriff
Indiana

April 10, 2005

Today is one year since you were taken away from us. I awoke feeling so sad. I miss you so much. Your bothers in Law Inforcement will gather to show their respect toward you, along with your family and I thank them for that. The family will gather beforehand under the house of the lord to pray. WE all hurt, we all miss you and I all pray that someday we will all be together with you in a more happier place. With your death I found God. I will stand by your mother to support her, and I will do what I can to continue your fight againist crime. But the one thing I must say is Why. Why did the lord take you?
Auntie

April 10, 2005

I cannot believe a year has gone by. I can still remember your voice and your smile. You are always on our minds. But today especially you have stayed on my mind all day it is hard not to. Isaac help your family through this difficult day, and especially Renata. You are missed every day of our lives, and will always hold a especial place in our hearts and not be forgotten. Miss you Sonia

April 9, 2005

I still can't believe it. I'll always remember your smile and words of encouragement. Not a day goes by that you don't cross my mind.
My interview was two weeks ago. Before I went into the interview room, I thought of you. Just three more steps and I'm there. I hope you're proud of me cousin. We miss you so much!!

cousin K

April 8, 2005

When Tomorrow starts without me

When tomorrow starts without me,and I'm not there to see; If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me; I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today, while thinking of the many things we didn't get to say. I know how much you love me, as much as I love you, each time you think of me I know you'll miss me too; But when tomorrow starts without me, try to understand, that an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand, and said my place was ready in Heaven far above, and that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love. But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye, for all my life, I'd always thought I didn't want to die. I had so much to live for and so much yet to do,it seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you. I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad, I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had. If I could relive yesterday, I thought.. just for a while, I'd say good-bye and kiss you, hold you and maybe see you smile. But then I fully realized that this could never be, for emptiness and memories would take the place of me. And when I thought of the worldly I'd miss come tomorrow, I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow. But when I walked through Heaven's gates, I felt so much at home. When GOD looked down and smiled at me, from His great golden throne, He said, " This is eternity and all I've promised you. Today for life on earth is past but here it starts anew. I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last, and since each day's the same day, there's no longing for the past. But you have been so faithful so trusting and so true. Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn't do. But you have been forgiven and now at last you're free, so won't you take my hand and share my life with me?" So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart for everytime you think of me, I'm right here in your heart.

Love, J

April 7, 2005

Just a Note to all concerned, The trial has been further delayed. It is now set for May 31st. Thank you all for your Love and Support, our Family truely appreciates it and so does Isaac.

Cousin

April 7, 2005

Dear Ice, its going to be a year since you have gone. I ask God that he continue to give us the strength to carry on another year with out you. I miss coming over to the house and watch American Idol with you and Renata and Bella. I miss your words of encouragement in the midst of all my drama. I would do anything to have with us . I love you brother and I am sure I will see you again. Lord please help Renata and Bella .

Eggy

April 6, 2005

Our first Easter without you came and went. I couldn't get myself to go to Easter with the family I just did not want to be reminded of last year. I just kept thinking of how happy you wher because you had that Easter day off work and you where so excited because you where gonna take Bella easter egg hunting. I remember we talked about it that Saturday morning and you reminded me not to forget about easter dinner and I told you I wasnt. But the thought that did not leave me this Easter day was remembering how dark it was that Sunday morning, how numb I felt. Coming home that day in shock and just seeing hundreds and hundreds of sad faces everywhere in our home and thinking what is everyone doing here. Seeing how the easter dinner we where suppose to go out and eat was brought to our house instead. I couldnt not get that horrible feeling out of the pit of my stomach, I couldnt do anything but stay in darkness the whole day. I could not go out and smile I wanted nothing to do but to be alone.....errase that horrible day. Easter will never be the same again. Even our rugrat did not have fun that day, she was down when she came home. We both laid in bed holding each other numb and sad. I guess still in disbelief. and all I could think about was yes another sad and lonely holiday with out you in our lives....
We miss you so much!!!!!

March 30, 2005

Dear Renata: I am writing to you again, because I DO KNOW how you feel, I was right there 18 years ago, I like you lost my husband too young/yes it hurts and the hurt is so bad that you think you are dying but you are not and you wish that you were just to get that pain away and not to hurt anymore, time does heal my friend, is not that you will forget Isaac, I have not even after so many years and having a new relationship with a great guy for the last 12 years, I do still get sad and upset many times, not as much for the pain or the hurt but like you I do have a daughter and also a son(they were 4 and 7 when Emilio was killed) and I cry for them because is not fair that they lost their daddy so soon in their young life, but it was up to me to let them know who their daddy was and even though they remembered a lot about him I still talk about daddy as if he was here...he still here because he is in our hearts and our minds and he always will...as I said before time heals and there is light after that dark tunnel, the first year is the worst and then is one day at a time, ther is nothing else we can do...FAITH...I hope to see you in DC for Police Week, please look for me I'll be looking for you and we will sit down and talk for a little while...don't forget there are a lot of us out there and we are here to help each other...take care,

hugs, your friend Terry Miyares

terry miyares, surviving spouse
Officer Emilio Miyares, Hialeah PD, Fl 11/6/86

March 30, 2005

Easter and all our family gatherings will never be the same without you. I remember you pushing Bella to not be shy. You would joke with her and make her laugh. Its even harder for her now that your gone. ... Every time I see Bella and Renata; I see you. I see you pushing Bella to play with her cousins. I see the fire and passion you still have for Renata. You loved them both so much. Please watch over them Isaac. They don't know how to live w/o you. Please help them find happiness again. I know you only wanted the best for your family. I Know.....I love you!

Cousin

March 29, 2005

Dear Mrs. Espinoza I am praying that God holds you in the plam of his hands and comforts you. I wish I can say something to help ease your pain, but there are no words that I can say. I do pray that one day you will smile and be happy again. Remember people still care and are willing to help you if you ever need it.

Oklahoma

March 26, 2005

Easter is tomorrow. A week earlier. I never paid attention to the date, but since your death it is formost on my mind it bring the date up. I will miss you tomorrow when our family get together and hide those eggs. All I can think of is you. It will be so hard to be happy tomorrow (and even today) when I know you are not with us. You will so be missed.

March 26, 2005

I woke up with a knot in my stomach and I knew it was gonna be a bad day. I felt the loneliness and sadness begin to fill my heart again. I tried not to think about it so I took Bella to the park and that made it worse hearing her say "remember when papi brought me here and he used to push me on the swing as high as the sky"? I suck it in and tell myself don't cry, just don't cry. Your picture comes to my head and I feel so alone. I hate being alone. I can't hide it anymore. I have so much inside me to tell you, I need to talk to you. I start driving to see you and on the way there I can't help but to start crying. I can hardly make it to where you are and I am hyperventilating crying like a baby asking Why? God Why? What did I do to deserve this I scream at him? I don't even care that there is another person visiting her loved one and is looking at me like I lost it. It dosen't matter. All I hear is me screaming God why did you do this??? Help me take this pain away. Then I hear myself saying to you that I can't live without you, I just simply can't live without you. The pain is too unbearable. The memories are too strong. No matter how hard I have tried to go on without you. I just simply cannot. You took everything with you when you left. I don't want to live without you. I feel so alone. I want my life back. I want to be happy with you. I cannot take the pain it is overwhelming I cannot get your face out of my mind right now. I walk into one room and I see you, I leave and your still there. Give me my life back, I yell!! I want to be happy, I want to live, I want to smile. Why God Why what did I do wrong? I feel a strong wind hit and silence no words of comfort come no answers just silence and pain. I give up, I give up what do you want from me I say, I don't have more to give, I can't give no more. Nothing just silence. I get to leave and I can't feel my legs. One year I say It's been one year and I can't even get pass the thought of you really being gone. I can't erase your smile out of my head and it drives me crazy. Im like a zoombie today, what haunts me is the loneliness I feel without you, our memories, your smile, a broken heart....

March 25, 2005