Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Dear Officer Isaac Espinoza,
I find it so difficult to convey the right words to you, how can I explain that I never knew you in life, but I know you so well in death. How can I tell you that your with me every day, your there in my heart, in my dreams and in my prayers. When I’m in despair, and when my mind is full of doubt, you are there beside me, pushing me to continue and leading the way.
God has a plan for every one; he took you from this world because he needed your help. I am but one of thousands that you guide everyday and yet I know you find time to help me.
Happy Birthday Isaac!

Mrs. Espinoza, Bella and Family,
Again I have trouble finding the right words, my days are filled with thoughts and prayers for you. I admire your strength and determination, without it Isaac could not continue to live in our hearts.

The soul of man is immortal and imperishable.
Plato (427 BC - 347 BC), The Republic

...and, "Blessed are the peace makers, for they shall be called the son's of GOD"

Matthew 5:3

CADET
PALOMAR COLLEGE POLICE ACADEMY

July 15, 2005

Happy Birthday My Love!

Even though Bella and I will not be able to be there for your birthday we will be celebrating with our family here in Guatemala who always talk about you and remember your smile and beautiful energy. I already have my Jager ready for Saturday. I know how much you liked that stuff, I always thought it tasted like cough syrup. It makes me laugh when I think of how many ways you tried to mix it and blend it for me so I would drink it. Now I drink it to honor you and I guess you put a little bit of something in there from heaven cause I don´t mind it at all. I miss you so much and even though we are so far away we cannot stop thinking about you and your birthday. Bella wants to bake a cake for you, so we are. Yes, I am baking! A big chocolate cake just like you used to like it. She has told all her cousins here about you and how you where a police officer and how you got killed. She is so proud of you. But she does miss you alot. We sit outside every night looking at the stars and she always asks me what do I think you are doing up there and if you are helping God with the bad angels. She has such an imagination. I usually tell her that you are probably fishing in this beautiful lake with Jon Jon and Floyd and that you three are making all the angels laugh. She asks me if there are bad people in heaven and I tell her no. That you will never again know what pain is or anything bad. That you are at peace and happy and waiting for the day when it is our turn to go up to heaven with him. I look in her eyes and I can see her picturing all this in her head. She has grown so much and looks so much like you. She always tells everyone that she looks like her dad and she is so proud of that. There are days when she tries to make sense of why God being so "nice" as she puts it would take her daddy away. But I tell her that he needed you up there and he knew we would be okay. She smiles when I tell her that you are always watching over us taking care of us. I hear her talking to you sometimes and I smile, she loves you so much. We miss you! I love you!

July 14, 2005

Officer Espinoza,

This Saturday I will raise a shot of Jager, and celebrate your life because you continue to live on in many lives.

Mrs. Espinoza,

I'm privileged to have been touch by such a fine Officer. Believe it or not you've helped to make such a person.

Bella,

Your Daddy Loves You! He's always watching you, smiling at you and protecting you. I know because that's what I'd be doing with my two little girls if I was in Heaven with your Daddy.

Family and Friends,

As I tear up in writing these words. (I've lost one of my brothers) I know how hard it is around his Birthday to go on with your day to day routine and not stop to think of him. I pray that you're comforted by the fun memories and the Pride of personally knowing Isaac.

God Bless!

Cadet Raymond Valeros
Palomar College Police Academy Class 12

July 14, 2005

Happy birthday Angel.
May God continue to bless you and your family always.

Missing you and thinking of you.

July 13, 2005

Dear Shannon Dreyer,

Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. I am grateful for everything that you have done for Isaac. Though it has been the hardest year of my life I still find comfort in our new friends and family that we have made during this tragedy. It gives me strength to know that Isaac touched the lives of so many men and women that he did not even know thru his death. This means that he did not die in vain. I pray that God bless all of you and your family for all the support you have shown us. For officer Damian for dedicating the class in Isaac´s memory. Isabella and I are grateful. I always tell her of how her daddy changed so many lives and how proud her daddy was to be a police officer and how much he loved her. She smiles and tells me that she is also proud of her daddy for helping other people. Everyday I struggle to understand why it happened but now I just ask God to help me accept it even though it is hard. Thank you so much for everything I appreciate it. May God Bless you all always and keep you safe in your jobs, protect you and give you wisdom everyday to do what you love. Thank you again.

Renata

July 12, 2005

Feliz Cumpleanos.

July 12, 2005

Isaac , I miss u bro . Love u very much we will see u again.
Love
Eggy.

July 12, 2005

Son, I'm remembering the last time you, Renata and Isabella came over to our house together for dinner. You and Renata were laughing on the way up to the front of the house and as you came in the door. I remember thinking to myself how wonderful the sound of your laughter together was and at the same time it was like a dream. There was something very special about the laughter. I remember it very clearly. I didn't know what you were laughing together about but the laughter echoed in my ears. Little did I know that it would be the last time that I would hear your laughter. Little did I know that it would be the last time that you would come to our house together with Renata and Isabella. I miss your laughter and I miss the happiness that you shared with Renata and Isabella. I miss the happiness that you brought to our home and to our lives. I was so proud of you and I am so happy that you were my son. I love you.

Mom

July 10, 2005

Dearest Isaac,

Your Birthday is coming up soon and I've been thinking about you a lot more lately. It is still so hard for me to believe that it has been a whole year since you've been gone. I know that you are looking down on me with that beautiful smile on your face...I can't wait until the day when we will meet again. I love you forever and always.
Happy Birthday.

"Your Little Carmen"

Friend

July 10, 2005

Renata,

I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to write to you. Every time I have started to write, I can't seem to find the right words to express how I feel! I read all of your reflections and how much you and Bella miss Isaac. I cry every time!!! I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I too am a mother and I can only imagine your grief. I wish there was something I can do to take away some of your pain.

I am Damian Jacksons supervisor and the Academy Supervisor of the Palomar College Police Academy. Damian and I have had many talks about you and Bella...and Isaac, of course. I am so proud to be associated with Damian and the cause he has started. Dedicating Calss 12 to Isaac was Damian's idea...but it has become infectious.

The other night, I took the class out on a run with Damian and "Isaac" (the class flag) was flying high and proud. I know he is watching us and hears everything we say about you, Bella and him. You have truly touched the lives of many in our program and I want you to know that not a day goes by that Issac, Bella and you are thought about. I pray for you every night. Just yesterday I was telling my 6 year old son and my 3 year old daughter about Isaac. I gave my son a sticker with Isaac's name and badge number on it that Damian had made. I showed him Isaac's picture and told him about you and Bella. My daughter Vanessa looked at me and said, I'm sad Bella's Daddy is gone." My son then told her, "but she will see him in again in Heaven." I want you to know that you have a place in our hearts and we will never forget the sacrifice your family and Isaac have made.

Isaac's picture is posted on the front wall of our classroom and every day I see it. When I see him, I immediately think you and Bella. I think of you all every day. God Bless you and your family, you will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Sincerely,

Shanon

Shanon Dreyer
Palomar College Police Academy

July 9, 2005

Hi Sweethear,

As I sit here waiting for out taxi to the airport, I cannot help but cry. The thought of going so far away with our daughter for the first time without you hurts inside.
The thought of celebrating your birthday again this year without you makes me crazy.
The thought of me thinking that maybe if I can get away from here for a little bit I can survive your 31st birthday coming up..
but the more I think about the more it hurts and the more I cry.
The thought of it being over a year and it still feels like yesterday is unbereable.
I try everyday to change things around the house here and there that remind me of you so I don't go crazy, but then I realize that it's not only that,
its all the memories that we made here that stay with me.
There's days when I feel so strong and I feel your presence and that helps me get thru my days and then there
are days like today where I feel like I am running but no matter how far away I go, all I see is your face and I miss it so much.
I look around and see smiling faces and I see us as a family how we used to laugh and smile. I miss that!
No matter where I am and how bad it hurts I would rather be at home in our house than anywhere else. I feel trapped!
Remember how you said you would take this trip with me when Bella was five? It's funny how a year later this door opened and there I go with our daughter. Please sweety keep us safe there, you know how scared I am.
I cannot write anymore not because I have nothing else to say but because the more I write the more I miss you and the more I cry, the more it hurts.
There's so much that has happened in these past few months that I wish would'nt off but did. I guess the experience helped me grow, but it still hurt.
Baby I will see you in a little bit.
I love you and always will, my endless love, my everything.
Happy Birthday!!!

July 8, 2005

Well Isaac, I havent talked to you in a while so i thought i would drop by to leave you some thoughts. Everday you are in my heart and my mind and i cant help but think of the ultimate sacrifice you gave. You were so young and it makes me think and worry because i am so young. But at the same time it is motivating. You gave your LIFE for this lifestyle and i feel so helpless right now because all i can give our my thoughts to you. I wish i could do more. But i have no doubt in my mind that the first day i go 10-8 i will do nothing but make you proud. This may sound very "cliche" but it is true Isaac. If i could ever become just half of the man you were my life would be 110% complete. You are a success story. A young Man with a beautiful wife and child to come home to everday and watch grow and love. I cannot wait untill that day comes for me. We did a little test run the other night in class and when i saw you blowing in the wind on the guide-on and saw that #64 and in loving memmory. i kicked it into that 6th gear for you brother. You are what gets me through each and every day in the academy. I understand the saying "you need to crawl before you walk" but i just want to hit the streets to make you proud and pick up where you left off. A motivation to my life is what you are sir and i cannot put it in any other words. I recently started going back to church about a month ago, and i love it because i get time alone with God to speak to him about the man that left an impact on my life. Thank you for everything you did in your life and everything you are doing now. With all my love and respect-

Eric Dunn
Palomar College Police Academy

July 7, 2005

Dear brother, I wish I could hear your voice.I miss u and love you.
Edgar

July 7, 2005

Today I awoke thinking of you. Your birthday is nearing and my heart is aching with knowing you are gone. I hope some day, when I think of you, I will smile, but for now all I do is become sad and sometimes when I am all alone I cry and cry. I miss you so much my beautiful Godson. I hope I get to see you in heaven.

July 3, 2005

Hi Grandson,Every morning when I wake up I can see you're handsome face with that big smile. I miss you comming to the house to see if I'm ok be cause I lived in visitation vally.I love you Isaac, you were my first grandson and I know you're Birthday is comming up soon

Grandma Poni

June 30, 2005

Thinking of you always...we miss you so much.Our love for you will never fade. thank you for the times we had to spend with you.. we will see you someday.

Love
VM

VMejia
Sister

June 27, 2005

To Mrs. Espinoza
Last night, before class ended I read Bella’s' song about her daddy and finished reading your words. I tried so hard to hold back the tears, but as I drove away from the Academy I couldn't hold it any longer. I to have a young family and the thought of them losing me or me losing them is imaginable. Ma'am, I cannot possibly find words that can make your heart ache easier for you, your family and the friends of Officer Espinoza, but I can say he lives on. He lives through the lives of those he has touched. He lives through me. Everyday, just when I think I hit a wall and things seem so far to reach I look at his picture. I strive everyday to be a friend like him, a wonderful husband and a great dad that he is and maybe someday become that honored and prestige officer. My prayers go out to you, Bella, family and friends. God Bless.

To: Officer Espinoza

"Sir, cadet Velazquez request permission to speak with Officer Espinoza."

Sir, I would just like to thank you for motivating me and say I won't give up. "Isaac Can" right Sir!!!

Cadet #1234
Palomar College Police Academy

June 23, 2005

To the family of heroic officer Isaac Espinoza: My thoughts have been with all of you since I lost my youngest son, Larry Lasater, as he served his community. Your message to my daugher-in-law was so appreciated and thank you for reaching out to her. Renata, your writings to your husband are so touching and my heart breaks for all our losses. May God watch over you and Bella every day. I hope that we meet in person someday. Love, Phyllis Loya

Phyllis Loya, Mother of fallen officer

June 22, 2005

Love can touch just one time and last for a lifetime and never let go til we are gone
Love was when I loved you one true time I hold to, in my life will always go on.
Thinking about you alot lately, I realized how much I miss my old life. How much I miss being the person I used to be, the person I was with you.
Through all this pain and sorrow somehow I have found comfort in writing about my everyday experiences without you and also writing about my life with you. I have written so much I practically have a book. Maybe one day if I get enough courage I can share my book with other survivors. I thought I would write to you today because it is one of those days where I wake up and know I'm gonna have to fight so the sadness and loneliness don't take over. I have had this feeling at the pit of my stomach for days now. I don't know if it because I remember how numb and hard it was last summer after you died. All the birthdays coming up and me not wanting to deal with them. I have found ways of just shuting down and trying not to remember how much we looked forward to them each year. How we planned to spend them together and how we always had a big celebration for Bella's birthday because all the family and friends that we had not seen that year would come and celebrate. We would catch up to what was going on in our lives. I miss that. It will never be the same again. How I wish you where here for my birthday. Remember how we talked about it early last year and you wanted to do something crazy for my "Big One"? I do. It makes me smile right now. But it is too much for me to handle without you. So I am going away for a couple of days. Just thinking about celebrating without my love hurts so much. Getting away from the city will make it a little bit easier I hope. Isaac how I have missed you lately. You gave me so much strength when I felt weak and brought joy to my life. I feel lost right now, I am confused, I am sick of the life that I am living right now. I need to get away from it all, I need to escape.
But how can you run away from happy memories
or a love that comes once in a lifetime
or a life that was every dream come true
How can you escape from the visions that haunt you every night
Visions of a happy family, of smiles and tender moments, of love poems, endless kisses, loving arms. HOW?
There's no running away from the loneliness and unrealness that my life has become. It is so hard to see her need you in her life. My patience sometimes runs out and my frustration doubles somedays because there is nothing I can do or say that will bring you back. NOTHING!!! You are gone out of our lives for ever. That is something that I must live with each day and it hurts, it was not your time to leave, our lives where just beginning. I don't get it!
But one thing I can tell you is that I will for ever be thankful for all the love I found in you, grateful for each day you gave me.
Isaac I was blessed because I was loved by you. Thank you.

June 22, 2005

Hi Sweetheart! Happy Father's Day. Sorry I could'nt write sooner. As you know Sunday was a day of trial but I got thru it fighting all day. I hope you like the stickers Bella brought for you, she made me go to the store and get her 10 sheets of stickers to bring to you. We put them all on your head stone. She made those two cards at school for you. When I saw them I cried because she is just learning how to read and write and she did such an awesome job all by herself. She was so happy to spend time there with you she did not want to leave as you know. She talked about you all day Sunday and all I could do was cry. You where such an amazing father and she misses that. I always knew that you would be the perfect dad, since that first day you told me you wanted to have five kids, all boys if you could "a football Team". I laughed and told you don't say that or you will have all girls, I still remember you saying as long as they are healthy I will be happy with whatever God wants to give us. You where 18 but you already knew you wanted to be a dad. That is what I loved about you the most. You wanted to have a big family to love and take care of. A family man. I miss you alot. I stare at your picture and I still can't believe that you are gone. I guess after a year of trying to be strong and denying my grief it caught up with me on Sunday. I'm glad my family was here with me or I would of gone crazy by myself. Thank you for watching over us. I know you gave me strength. Please let the decision that I have made be the right one for me and Bella. You know I had too. We will always love you and miss you. I will see you soon. Take care of us in our journey.

June 20, 2005

Happy Father's Day Isaac. I know you are there with Bella today. Keep the class strong and motivated. Thank you for watching over us. Our eyes are on you.

June 19, 2005

Happy Fathers Day, Isaac. I've been thinking about you and your family all day today and prayed for you all. Happy Fathers Day to you as well, Mr. Espinoza. You gave the world the gift of your son and we are all better people for it.
God bless.

Damian Jackson
Escondido PD

June 19, 2005

Happy Father's Day Isaac. Not a day goes by that we don't think of you. Love, Kristi

June 19, 2005

Happy Father's Day, Son, I love you and I miss you.

Mom

June 19, 2005

Isaac your charesmatic smile is so fresh in our minds, we miss not seeing your car. Always in our hearts. Sonia

June 17, 2005