Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Renata here is a song that helped me go thru all my ruff time in my life i hope you find some comfort in these words as i have.

Life hurts so bad
Don't want you sad
Just look back to
Good times we had
I'd give my soul for you I know
Want to hold you before I go
Before I go
I need you to know
I'm still alive in you
It's my time to go
Don't stay up late
I'm not afraid
And I don't want your heart to break
I know I've seen what's been unseen
Live fast, die young
It's part of me
(it's my time now)
Before I go
(it's my time now)
My soul is on it's way
(it's my time now)
I need you to know
Before I go

before i go- unwritten law

sister of a fallen officer

July 29, 2005

Brother, as I played with Isabella yesterday it reminded me of what a great dad you were to her. I remeber how u took care of her and always made time for her. She is always thinking of u. She misses u alot Ize. I wish there was something I could do to see u making funny faces at her and her cracking up . Or when I use to come over the house and watch American Idol. Remember when u got up infront me ,Renata, Bella,Jerry and Christian and started singing, that was funny bro. She reminds so much of you. I will be there for her and take care of her just how u would expect me to do. I u miss alot bro. You are always in my heart and mind. i will see u again, for that is the fathers promise to us from him.
Love u,
your bro;
Eggy

July 28, 2005

Today one of my prayers was answered. For myself and my class I wanted a way to connect and get to know who Isaac was as an officer, and as a person. Officer Jackson today came to class and showed us Isaac's Memorial Video.

Last class on Saturday was a very demanding day for us. We had our "fight for life" where we were paired up and battled each other in a show and test of our defensive tactics skills. Then we had our Taser demonstration, where the vast majority of the class including myself opted to go for full 5-second rides with the X-26. Today Cadet Velazquez put it best when he said, "That video moved me more than getting tased."

This afternoon, all of Class 12 felt like we were a part of the Bayview Station family. Some of us silently shed tears watching the video while all of us truly felt his loss for the first time. I now understand why Officer Jackson chose to dedicate our class to Isaac's honor and memory.

It was amazing to see and hear Isaac. He flowed so naturally when interacting with the community he worked in and for. The best picture was the one where Isaac had his yellow swim trunks up to his pecks. You couldn't help but laugh. However, by far my favorite ones were Isaac with Isabella, and the 3 of you together as a family.

I have children of my own, including a three and a half year old daughter. Renata, your words and voice touched me the most of all. Especially in the end segment for Isabella when you talked about Isaac. It's been nearly 6 hours since watching the video and it's still hard to kick this somber mood.

On top of it all I'm astonished by how inspired I am by a man I will never get the chance to meet. Isaac makes me want to be a better man, and a better father. I plan on striving every day to be more like him. And if I ever fall in the line of duty, I want to be remembered as fondly as he is.

Cadet J. Veraldi
Palomar College Police Academy, Class 12

July 27, 2005

Isaac,

What an inspiration you are to many. I just viewed your tribute video. There aren't too many people these days that you can find that many nice things to say about. I know a few people just like you. One person in particular in my minds eye is carrying on your legacy...treating everyone the way you did, helping others and being there when they needed your help. Being the kind of cop you were...I could go on. You are having such an impact on many of us who are learning more about you each day. As I sat at my computer (in my office all alone) I sobbed continuously as the video played through. The tributes to Bella crushed me. To hear your voice and Renata's voice...to watch you as you were so alive and on the job made things so real to me. Renata was so brave to be a big part of your tribute...I truly admire her strenght. As selfish as it sounds, I'm sorry that I never met you in life but I can hope and pray I meet you when it's my turn to cross through Heaven's gates. I'm sure you will probably be one of the first ones waiting to greet people...that's just the kind of person you were.

Tonight I was shown a gift that one of my police academy cadets had made for Bella's birthday and it about brought me to tears. Renata and Bella have truly captured our hearts and we will continue to keep them in our thoughts and prayers.

Bella, Happy Birthday next week. Enjoy your day and know that your Daddy is watching over you.

Shanon Dreyer
Palomar College Police Academy

July 26, 2005

My heart aches today..........
Like if a piece of my heart has been chipped away.
Part of me feels missing..........
like if Im trying to find my way out of a snow storm.
Cousin

July 26, 2005

Isaac, I havent written here in a long time and its been farther in between than what I would like when I get to read the reflections of others. But, It gives me a sense of peace to know so many lives have been touched by your life. You were a good spirit. You always held your head high. I miss your laughter your smile. (Im afraid I will lose that) You are an inspiration to me. You were a WHOLE person. Unique. I wish you were here.
Cousin

July 26, 2005

Isaac we broght you flowers last week, and it is never easy to visit you, because we know that what we are looking at is reality. I hardly walk around that side of the house anymore, I'm always expecting to hear your voice and ask me what I'm doing.We came home to other day and found an RCN truck parked accross the street, and we all stopped talking, we all let out a kind of smile and then I could see that sadness hit all of us, and I could see everyones eyes get watery, and everyone tried to look the other way,remember that joke you pulled on the girls, well you know for a fact that each time we see one of those trucks it is you we are thinking about. Listening to the news this morning, I heard an officer had been shot in San Leandro and I felt this awful knot in my stomach, just a bad reminder of last year.Your daughter is so big and beautiful, you would be so proud of her, she looks just like you.Renata is such a strong person, we have our ups and downs, one day we can talk and laugh all day about you, and be fine, but there are days like this past few days that anything we say about you, we get teary.I really admire Renata, I know it is not easy for her. Watch over them. We miss you dearly.
Sonia

July 26, 2005

You are Gone...... but you will never be Forgotten. You have touched the lives of so many. You will Forever be in everyone's hearts.
You are greatly missed.
My brother is an officer of SFPD.
Please watch over him & keep him safe!

July 22, 2005

Renata,

Each time I read your reflections to Isaac, I seem to feel some of your pain and I want you to know I pray that you will someday find comfort in knowing that you will see Isaac again. I recently saw a picture of you and Bella. How precious both of you are; it's no wonder why Issac loved you two so much.

It's amazing to me how much you, your family and Isaac have had such a dramatic effect on me and the academy I supervise. Damian Jackson and I talk about you every day.

I wanted to write a reflection to Isaac on his birthday (it's the same day as my mother's)...I can honestly say, you are a pillar of strength to write to him. I find it hard even though I never knew him.

There have been many a time that I have sat here at my computer and wept over the reflections you and Mrs. Espinoza and the rest of the family leave.

You have truly captured our hearts. Not a day goes by that I don't realize the sacrifice Isaac made and what an impact he and your family are having not only myself, but my staff and the cadets of my program. Isaac is truly an inspiration and so are you and Mrs. Espinoza. Thank you for sharing your heart and soul with us. Continue to be strong for Bella and may God Bless you always...

Mrs. Espinoza and Mr. Espinoza, thank you for letting us dedicate our academy to Isaac. He truly is an inspiration and a product of a your love and devotion.

Isaac, Happy belated birthday. You and your family have had a profound effect on my life and have truly brought home that it is important to live everyday like there is no tomorrow...

I was talking to my consultant from Peace Officer's Standards and Training about the dedication of our academy to you and he corrected me when I called your "star" a badge. He told me that you didn't wear a badge, that it was a "star." He would know...afterall he is a retired San Francisco P.D. officer and before I could even say anything, he blurted out your "Star #...64". How fitting is that...your badge is called a star...and so are you! You are that star that Renata and Bella wish on, you are that star that motivates us every day to be the type of person you were here on earth. You are that shining star up in the nights sky still shining as bright as you did with all those lives you had an everlasing impact on.


With much admiration and respect,

Shanon Dreyer
Palomar College Police Academy

July 21, 2005

Hey Cous, I didn't realize it at the time, but I felt a sharp pain in my chest the morning of the 16th. Later that day, I realized it was your b-day. Happy Belated Birthday Cousin. I wish I could sit here and tell you all about it. I know you would have loved it. It was like the most beautiful place on earth. So relaxing and peaceful. I miss you.

Cousin

July 21, 2005

Isaac, There are many people out there that hate us and hate what we stand for and what we are trying to do. I dont know why, but when i was reading this verse it made me think of you so i wanted to share it with, GOD IS ALWAYS THERE FOR US TO PROTECT US...
PSALM 69-
1 [A Psalm] of David.} Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto [my] soul. 2 I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing; I am come into the depths of waters, and the flood overfloweth me. 3 I am weary with my crying, my throat is parched; mine eyes fail while I wait for my God. 4 They that hate me without a cause are more than the hairs of my head; they that would destroy me, being mine enemies wrongfully, are mighty: then I restored that which I took not away. 5 Thou, O God, knowest my foolishness, and my trespasses are not hidden from thee. 6 Let not them that wait on thee, Lord, Jehovah of hosts, be ashamed through me; let not those that seek thee be confounded through me, O God of Israel. 7 Because for thy sake I have borne reproach; confusion hath covered my face. 8 I am become a stranger unto my brethren, and an alien unto my mother's sons; 9 For the zeal of thy house hath devoured me, and the reproaches of them that reproach thee have fallen upon me. 10 And I wept, my soul was fasting: that also was to my reproach; -- 11 And I made sackcloth my garment: then I became a proverb to them. 12 They that sit in the gate talk of me, and [I am] the song of the drunkards. 13 But as for me, my prayer is unto thee, Jehovah, in an acceptable time: O God, in the abundance of thy loving-kindness answer me, according to the truth of thy salvation: 14 Deliver me out of the mire, let me not sink; let me be delivered from them that hate me, and out of the depths of waters. 15 Let not the flood of waters overflow me, neither let the deep swallow me up; and let not the pit shut its mouth upon me. 16 Answer me, O Jehovah; for thy loving-kindness is good: according to the abundance of thy tender mercies, turn toward me; 17 And hide not thy face from thy servant, for I am in trouble: answer me speedily. 18 Draw nigh unto my soul, be its redeemer; ransom me because of mine enemies. 19 *Thou* knowest my reproach, and my shame, and my dishonour: mine adversaries are all before thee. 20 Reproach hath broken my heart, and I am overwhelmed: and I looked for sympathy, but there was none; and for comforters, but I found none. 21 Yea, they gave me gall for my food, and in my thirst they gave me vinegar to drink. 22 Let their table become a snare before them, and their very welfare a trap; 23 Let their eyes be darkened, that they see not, and make their loins continually to shake. 24 Pour out thine indignation upon them, and let the fierceness of thine anger take hold of them. 25 Let their habitation be desolate; let there be no dweller in their tents. 26 For they persecute him whom *thou* hast smitten, and they talk for the sorrow of those whom thou hast wounded. 27 Add iniquity unto their iniquity, and let them not come into thy righteousness. 28 Let them be blotted out of the book of life, and not be written with the righteous. 29 But I am afflicted and sorrowful: let thy salvation, O God, set me secure on high. 30 I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify him with thanksgiving; 31 And it shall please Jehovah more than an ox, -- a bullock with horns and cloven hoofs. 32 The meek shall see it, they shall be glad; ye that seek God, your heart shall live. 33 For Jehovah heareth the needy, and despiseth not his prisoners. 34 Let heavens and earth praise him; the seas, and everything that moveth therein. 35 For God will save Zion, and will build the cities of Judah; and they shall dwell there, and possess it: 36 And the seed of his servants shall inherit it, and they that love his name shall dwell therein.

Eric Dunn
Palomar College Police Academy

July 20, 2005

Dear brother, I wait for the day when I see u again. There is a big empty space in my life that wasnt there before. I miss u and love u. I know I will see u again because that is the fathers promise. Senor Jesus, habraza a mi hermana y sobrina, y a todos aquellos que amamos y estranamos a Isaac en tu nombre Jesus Amen.
Eggy.

July 20, 2005

Today I thought of you again when I looked up at the blue sky and felt the warmth of the sun on me
Today I thought of you again when I laid in bed and turned to where you used to sleep and could not see you smiling back at me
Today I thought of you again as I walked outside and swore I heard you call my name
Today I thought of you again as I drove and saw a car that looked like yours and sped up to it to see if it was you but it wasnt and it made me think of that time when I saw you on the freeway and you gave me that sly smile and we raced all the way home and I beat you there and you said "I let you win" and then you gave me a big hug and said "I guess my driving skills have rubbed off on you after all"
Today I thought of you again as I walked thru a crowd of people and I smelled your cologne and I turned looking for you as my heart beat fast, but it wasnt you
Today I thought of you again as I walked down to the 49er room and saw your officer of the month picture and it reminded me of your hair.
Today I thought of you again as I came home and read all the reflections everyone wrote for your birthday and saw how much they love you and miss you
Today I thought of you again as I sat down in the silence of our house and could not see your face
But what made me think of you most again was looking into Bella's eyes today and hugging her and hearing her say "family hug" and remembering how the three of us would sit there and hug a bunch of times until she got tired of saying it
I thought of you again today as I realized you weren't there......

July 19, 2005

Happy Birthday, Son. Thank you for 29 years and nine months in the womb of pure joy and pure love. If you were here we would all be celebrating your 31st birthday. Remember all the happy birthdays we all celebrated together. I miss those days and I cherish those memories. I love you.

Mom

July 16, 2005

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISAAC!!!!!!!

July 16, 2005

Happy Birthday Isaac....You are greatly missed and loved!

July 16, 2005

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ISAAC!

It amazes me each and every day how much you have impacted my life. I feel so deeply saddened because I never had the chance to know you in your life, but have come to know and honor you so much through your death and the presence that you have left behind with so many people.

I am asked all of the time, "Why Isaac?" "Why have you been so touched by him and not someone else?" It's almost like that question you and I and all of us had when we sat in front of that intimidating oral board to be hired by our agencies; "Why do you want to be a cop?" And deep down, none of us really had the answer. Because to put what is in your heart and within your being into words is so difficult. To try to explain to someone else what drives you in life, what you are passionate about is almost impossible. Having you in each and every one of our lives, the thousands upon thousands that you have impacted is truly impossible to describe, most of all to those who would never really understand. As close as I have become to you and your family through this, I am still so distant and the pain I feel teeters on ridiculousness because I feel as though I'm not worthy of it because of the immense and incalculable loss that your family has been forced to endure through this. I feel almost ashamed at times for even stealing a moment of their grief to claim as my own. Their hearts are broken and I can only imagine the emptiness that is left behind in so many that personally knew you. To feel even a glimmer of what they feel weakens me and leaves me empty at the mere thought. I owe so much and am forever indebted to you, Renata, for sharing your life, your love and even your despair. That you're able to do such and so openly is monumentally appreciated. In that one moment that I met you and Bella in Sacramento, it was like being in the presence of true living angels. I think of Bella and my breath shortens and I feel a tightened knot within me. She is such a beautiful girl, and so completely filled with the life and spirit of her father. She is a blessing and a precious gift from God. Each and every night before I go to bed and on those nights when I get off my shift in the late hours, I go into my daughters' rooms and spend no less than a half hour, just watching them sleep and kissing them while I tuck them in. Their peacefulness is like nothing imagined and I can never leave them. I've fallen asleep at their bedside many times and have cried many times at the thought of Isaac never being able to share that moment with his little girl, though I know he is there right beside her each and every moment of her life, as he is with you.
Last night, when I came home late for work, I was in our room scrambling to get my uniform and gunbelt off to join my wife in reading books and tucking in our three year-old, Emily. As I was changing over, I could hear her from down the hall saying her prayers and could hear her rattle off her laundry list of people that she prays for each night...each night we pray for all of you and it touches my heart to hear her squeaky little voice pray for you. One night when I knelt next to her in bed and we started our prayers she closed her eyes and clasped her hands in front of her and said, "Thank you God, for rainbows, flowers, lady bugs on roses, my house....Mommy and Daddy, IIIIIIsaac, RRRRRenata, Bellllllla, Egar (Edgar), RRRRRRegina, Mistermisses (one word) Essssimoza (Carol and Isaac Sr.) and EVERYBODY! AaaaaaaMAN!" I had a mixture of laughter and tears and we hugged each other and laughed. Then she grabbed my cheeks and said, "I LOVE you, daddy." It was one of those beautiful moments that instantly erased any part of a bad day. I said, "I LOVE you too" and kissed her said goodnight. As I walked out of the room and turned off the light, I smiled and looked up and thanked you for being there with us.
How can I ever put into words how you have changed my life, Isaac? How can I find the way to tell Renata, Bella, your parents, Regina, Edgar, Auntie, Monica, Sonia, your cousins and all of your family how you live through me daily? I can only try my best and honor them and you by living out my life as you would have. There are no means to measure how far reaching and overwhelming your influence is. Someday, when we are all with God in heaven we will meet. I think of that day often and there is not an hour of each day that goes by when you are not with me and in my thoughts. You are with me in all that I do. Your presence is like a suit of armor on these crazy streets and that helping hand to those in need. You personify what it is to be a police officer, a man, a father, a husband, a son and a friend and I strive daily to live up to your name.

"The true measure of a man is how he treats those who can do nothing for him."

In each and every thing I do and every opportunity or challenge that comes my way, I remember, and say to myself, "Isaac would..."

Happy Birthday, brother.

Renata and Bella, God bless you and may He keep you safe and secure in your travels.

Mr. Mrs. Espinoza, 31 years ago today, you changed the world...

Regina, Edgar, Auntie, Cousins, family and the SFPD, be safe, stay vigilant and may God and Isaac stand with you in all you endeavor.

With all the love and respect I can muster,

Officer Damian Jackson
Escondido PD

July 16, 2005

Happy Birthday! I remember at your birthday one year that I smashed cake in your face. I thought it was funny but you didn't. I wanted to make memories, that why I did it. Now thats all I have of you is memories. Mostly good, a few bad, but I forgive you on those ones.

Today an angel will be born, say hi to her. She has truly earned her wings.

Thank you for your life and for showing us how precious life can be. I have truly learned that I will not take my loved ones for granted. Happy Birthday.

July 16, 2005

Dear Isaac,

I just got spend most of my night talking to tons of people about you. Your legacy is growing bigger than any of us could have imagined. Your legacy is growing on me more than I ever imagined. I am so honored to know your name. The more I learn about you, the more I realize what I strive to become. Your birthday is not going to be a day of sadness at the Academy. We celebrate you, your memory, and your infectous nature that has become so blessed to us. Happy Birthday Isaac, I pray for you, Mrs. Espinoza, Bella and you loved ones. I hope we make them proud in our efforts to commend the amazing person you are and still are becoming.

Mrs. Espinoza,

Please continue to be strong. Your faith has been a blessing to me and many others. You, being married to a great man, have become great yourself. But not just by him have you grown in life but by his death you have shown a strength that I aspire to have one day. We too have you and Bella on our thoughts during this very important day.

Respectfully,

Cadet James Cataline
Palomar College Police Academy

July 16, 2005

Isaac Happy Birthday, you will forever be in our hearts, and there is not a day that goes by that you are not thought of. We all miss you so very dearly.
Sonia

July 15, 2005

Everyday I seem to miss you more. I wish we could have celebrated your birthday together, but I treasure the last memory I have with you and you screaming ..YOU????.with a smile on your face... I keep wondering when will there be a day that I stop crying, when will a day go by that a song doesn't remind me of you. I feel your presence around me, everyday. When life happens, I know your looking out for me. I loved you so much but I miss you more. Trev talks about you all the time, when he sees me cry he comes over to hug me and cheers me up with telling me how great you were. You were an incredible cousin, the closest thing I had to a brother, even though I hated sitting next to you at the dinner table :)

Its taken me a long time to write something on here, writing something on here means your gone, and for some reason, I still see you sitting right next to me...

I miss you terribly, Happy Birthday I

July 15, 2005

Iz, It's your Birthday tomorrow the 16th, and We are All thinking of you and how much we love and miss you dearly and your presence in our lives can never be replaced.

I look at your pictures every day and remember that goofy face with that huge smile as we all sat at Popo's table, singing "Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to You", (and you'd sing) You Look Like A Monkey and Smell Like One TOO! It was funny how we'd all struggle to be the one to blow out the candles first when each one of us celebrated, together as the very close Italian/Sicilian/Mexican family we were with not a care in the world except who was going to blow those darn candles or break that pinata and get all the candies. I wish sometimes we could turn back the hands of time when we were kids at R-Ranch, ir at Blackberry Farm, or our weekly Sunday Spaghetti Dinner, Xmas Eves, times when we were close, HAPPY and COMPLETE w/ You, Popo and Uncle Tony. I miss you all so much. I am sure you are being taken care of up there cuz you are with our Wonder Grandfather and other relatives who love you just as much as us here on earth. With Love Always!

Cousin

July 15, 2005

I heard this song yesterday and it reminded me of you:

Oh where or where has my baby gone, the lord took him away from me. He's gone to heaven so I've got to be good, so I can see my baby again when I leave this world.

Happy Birthday Isaac!!!!!
Auntie

July 15, 2005

Hi Grandson,
Just wanted to let you know I am always thinking of you and knowing it's you're Birthday tomarrow on the 16th. I wanted to wish you Happy Birthday,Hoping you will celabrate it with Popo
I Love You Grandma Poni

grandma josephine poni

July 15, 2005

Officer I Espanoza,
Happy Birthday. I just wanted to thank you for giving me the strenght to run that extra mile, do tat extra push up and find that extra energy when i do not think i have it. I am striving so hard to become an officer i am working so hard at it that i find myself sometimes hitting a wall and i am struggling to get over it. i will come on here and read what your loved ones write and it helps me get over and be ready to go again. thank you so much. i want to be a great officer like you are and i can only hope i will be.

Mrs. Espanoza,
i do not know what to tell you but that you are a strong woman, and that you have a lot of people who love you and your family. i have the up most respect for you and your family, and i want to say i commend you for your strenght and courage.

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us"-Albert Schweitzer

Cadet Balisinski, Kaiana #1202

Kaiana Balisinski
Palomar Police Academy

July 15, 2005