Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Isaac,

I can still feel you here. Even though Class 12 is gone, you still grace our halls. I read through all of the reflections, especially from you mother and Renata and I feel their pain. No wonder you were such a remarkable person...you had awesome parents and an incredible wife who's love for you is out of this world!

I have Bella's picture up by my desk (Renata sent it to me)...I hope we can continue to see her grow, she has so much of your spirit inside of her.

Recently I exchanged an e-mail with your mother about feelings I had related to the punishment your assailant should face. She has helped me greatly with that and is so gracious. What a unique woman she is and I am truly blessed to know her, your father, sister and Renata. You and your family have changed my life and I will never take a day or time with my family for granted.

Shanon Dreyer
Palomar College Police Academy

January 26, 2006

It's a been a really weird year so far, which doesn't sit right with me. I had some horrific news delivered to me today, and I started to cry over the death of another loved one.

Times like these always make me reflect on those that have left me all so suddenly. Years of pain that I have tried to supress and overcome rush back to me as if it never left. And in all honestly I don't know if it ever will.

In times of deep sorrow I think of you. In times of great joy I do the same. You are always on my mind and I take comfort in knowing you are keeping all of your brothers and sisters in blue safe. I appreciate it. And because of you I can sleep better at nights when I know my family is patrolling the streets. For that I will always be grateful.

In the midst of all the craziness in the world today I must thank you for keeping my family and friends safe, in and outside of the dept. I know you are looking down from heaven and being the lovely angel that you are. I just know.

God Bless you and your family always. Thank you for keeping me whole when times like these make me feel so torn.

January 22, 2006

ZAK-
The "Marines" of Co. C. rode together in Ofc. May's (a former Marine) funeral procession. At one point (I knew I shouldn't have driven), I almost ran into another patrol car because tears filled my eyes as we drove under the numerous overpasses- all lined with shiny red fire trucks and huge flowing American flags. We drove through the EPA community where tons of kids and adults lined both sides of the streets and saluted and put their hands over their hearts, and held homemade banners with scriptures of hope and apology for our loss. The support was enormous and honestly, unexpected. God must have a plan, for he is taking the best of the best, people we love and miss dearly. We love you Isaac, and think of you often. A co-worker's wife said that she had a dream about you smiling at her the day of her housewarming party. I told her that I thought that you were telling them how proud you were of them for buying their 1st home...Peace be with you and yours.

bayview officers
sfpd

January 22, 2006

Dearest Isaac,

I've been thinking about you so much lately. I'm so sorry that I didn't get to write you on Christmas, please know that I was thinking of you and missing you terribly. I will love you always.

"Your Little Carmen"

January 21, 2006

Isaac, the RCN van was at your house today, it seems like just yesterday that we last saw you. Always in our hearts and prayers. Love Sonia

January 20, 2006

I went to go see you the other day, and as I approached your site, tears weld up in my eyes. All I could think about is how you will not be there on my special day. Please be there to give us your blessing. I will continue to pray for your presence, and continue to pray for everyone's spirits. You will never be forgotten. We will mention you in our prayers and homily, and give thanks to you. You are our guiding angel. Love always.

January 17, 2006

Hi Isaac,

I was at the academy on Sunday re-organizing for Class 13. My #1 task was to close out the Class 12 files-YOUR class. That was very difficult for me bc I was so PROUD of each and every one of those cadets that dedicated so much of themselves to you and your family. I thought and wondered if now that the class was gone, would your memory fade? It scared me... The love that you shared for your family and the complete and total love and admiration that they have for you is something that I NEVER want to forget or take for granted in the blessings that I am still fortunate to have with my family and friends. I don't want that spirit to leave the academy bc it was such an incredible experience. Then I started thinking about what an impact that you left on the academy and with ALL of the staff especially Shanon and Damian and I know that they will not let that spirit diminish. I began to look around at all of the pictures of you. In the main hallway we have your full sized poster that is hanging so that EVERYONE sees you when they walk in.(Staff and Cadets) On the Tac office window there is a silver star with a "64" with the phrase, "Isaac would..." In the senior class your picture is hanging above the main instruction board and I found a collage from the graduation that I hung in the senior class. It is the first thing that they see before they "hit their seats." I was proud of myself bc I can not do "handyman" chores at all! I am too much of a girl when it comes to that! LOL It's actually straight....what a miracle! LOL
The new class has dedicated themselves to Officer Tony Zeppetella (Oceanside PD) "6-boy" I can only hope that this class and the academy classes of the future can grasp the concept of respect and admiration for when they TRULY dedicate themselves to a HERO.....

Thank you for being Class 12's HERO and role model. Thank you to your family and friends for supporting them in their quest. It was something that was incredible being a part of and it will forever stand out in my mind as being one of the best things in life that I could have ever been a part of. It brought those of us who work together every day that much closer and I will forever appreciate that and YOU......

We hope to still hear updates from your family, bc they are a part of our family as well.....We look forward to seeing Miss Bella grow and we hope to hear updates on what a beautiful young lady she is going to grow into...I loved the gardening story that grandma shared.......What a blessing she is! Thank you for bringing a smile to my face after a long day! :)

RAA #1354
Escondido PD

January 17, 2006

Yet again another tragedy, another wife loses her husband, precious children losing their father, it's just not right! Hearing and Seeing this type of pain we all too well know from our own loss you you my dear cousin just brings the pain back up to the surface as if we were living it all over again. These young people who have no value for human life need to pay big time, but no matter how much they pay, it will never be enough for that they truly deserve. I love you and miss you. I bet you're up there right now consolling the new "blue angels", I am sure of it.

Love Always, N

January 13, 2006

Son: Today started out to be a very sad day as I watched the memorial service on the internet for Officer Richard May, EOW 1/7/06. I sobbed through most of it. I was grateful, though, that CBS put in on the internet.

Then Renata called me to pick up Isabella from school. Isabella wanted to pop popcorn. What she really wanted was the seeds. We put them in a baggie. She wanted a (paper) glass of water and wanted to plant the seeds in the front of the house. I brought the (four foot) shovel outside and let her hold it. She dug up the earth, made a hole, put the seeds in the hole, and filled the hole with water. Then, using the shovel, she filled up the hole with the original dirt from the hole and patted the dirt down with the shovel. All this without coaching from me. I wish I had the movie camera ready and in hand. She was so cute and serious about what she was doing, with her school outfit on and her long pony tail with strands of hair hanging in her face. She looked so proud when I told her that she was a real farmer.

She just reminded me of you, so ingenious and creative. My heart was so happy just watching her and sad at the same time missing you. Thanks be to God that He gave us Isabella in your image and for all the treasured memories past and present. I love you. Mom

January 13, 2006

We put another brother to rest today. He was working for East Palo Alto. So close to us, I can feel the pain of losing you all over again. It only seems like yesterday I saw you at my house. How I miss you. How it hurts to not have you here with us.
Auntie

January 12, 2006

Zak,

I was in the locker room getting ready 4 watch when I heard your dvd theme song on the radio, "No one knows what its like..." I sat on the bench and cried. I felt like u were there with me, and that u were telling me that everything would b okay, and to just be careful on the streets. I think of you often, my friend. April will be 2 years that I have worn my mourning band, I promise to never take it off...

I stopped by before x-mas and dropped off red and white flowers. I guess I chose the right colors, because there were red and white poinsettias onscene! I wished a safe and blessed holidays to you and your family. Our hearts and thoughts go out to you- the Officers of Co. C.

bayview officer
sfpd mids

January 8, 2006

Dear Son: I have read some quotes today that have encouraged me and I wanted to add them to your page.

"If we are loved and remembered, then we live on forever in the hearts of those who love us." Ted menten

"I believe in the resurrection primarily because I have gotten to know God. I know that God is love, and I also know that we human beings want to keep alive those whom we love. I do not let my friends die; they live on in my memory and my heart long after I have stopped seeing them...God will not let death win." Philip Yancey

"I feel a fervent longing to be reunited with those I have loved, those who have left my life after many years of loving or too few. I have come to think of the afterlife as an opportunity to love better and longer than I have been able to do on this earth. Whether I have wings or can hear celestial choirs of harmonizing angels doesn't matter to me. Being able to love and to be loved into eternity is the most wondrous thing I can imagine." Ronald Valdiserri

"Didn't the person you lost make you laugh? Didn't this person make you smile and feel joy in your heart whenever your eyes met, your voices mingled, and your hands touched?

These are the things you can recall today.. the good memories, the fun times, the shared experiences, and the things that made tears of laughter run from your eyes.

Today, take out a scrapbood or photo album and remember with a light heart, the one you lost. Imagine him or her sitting next to you as you flip through the pages together and relive the wonderful moments you shared together.

Today I'll speak to the one I lost as if he or she were right beside me. I'll say, 'Do you remember..?' as I talk about a time that will always bring me joy whenever I think of it." Amy Dean.

I love you, son. Mom

January 2, 2006

I went to see you yesterday. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. You are so missed by everyone and I am honored that I was able to know you for so many years. TE, FR, Westmoor!!! Give your family strength into and throughout the New Year. Thinking of you always!

December 30, 2005

Oh God up above please hear my prayer
I only ask that you grant me one wish
As I look up in the sky let me see him shine brighter than any star up above.
As I hug my daughter let me feel his arms around us both.
Don't let me forget the love that we once shared and the dreams that we once had. Let me feel his presence around us as we celebrate as a family.
I ask that you mend my broken heart for I know now that my will is not your will.
As the sun rises in the morning I ask that you let the warmth of his love sorround me, and as the moon comes up at night I hear him say Im with you.
Let me be the mother he knew I would be and the best friend to my daughter that he was to me.
Teach me to be stronger and faithful and wise in all I do for the life that I live now I owe all to you.
You chose this path for me and I do not understand! But if this is a lesson I'm sure one day I'll know. But it's not when I want to so this I ask...
Let me make him proud in all that I do and live for us both like he would do.
I just ask that you keep him safe and let us see him one day and when we meet that he remember my name.
Please lord is been a while I just ask that I see him smile, when I sleep at night let him come to me let him hold me tight and make it alright. I never had a chance to say goodbye and that is all the wish I ask you to grant. Let him come to me in a dream. To hear his voice, to kiss his lips, to touch his hands, to see him smile, to feel his heart, to hold him tight, to hear him say that he is alright and will always be with us for all our lives. To walk together holding hands into the light where it all ends. To hug him tight and smile together then we can say Goodbye but not for ever.
My soul at peace, my heart now healing the start of a new day and now Im willing....
The gift you gave us I will cherish and protect her til the end. She won't forget him oh this I promise but live the life he wanted. She will grow strong and make him proud. She loves him so and remembers all, she misses him and wants him back. This precious gift you gave us both and left me with to cherish so. I look at her and I see him I will never forget he lives thru her. The love we shared is all in there. She carries him inside her heart.
Help us both to carry on to live and love like we once did.
To say Goodbye is all I ask just grant my with is all I ask.....

December 30, 2005

Isaac,
Now, more than ever, you are on my mind and in my prayers. Thank you for helping me be there for your family. I felt you every step of the way. On this eve of Christmas I think of you in heaven and being in the presence of the Lord. How humbling it must be and I smile at the thought of that day I will meet you both face to face. I pray that you stay with me each step for all my time in this world and keep all of us safe as we carry on your fight. You live within us each day we put on our armor and head into battle. Peace be with you this Christmas.

Renata, Isabella, Regina and Mr. and Mrs. Espinoza,

Thank you from the depth of my heart for being so gracious and allowing me to be a small part of your family for a brief time. You have all forever changed my life with your grace and dignity. God chose each of you for his angels and though you may not feel it from time to time, you are all part of a bigger miracle. I am only one of countless that have been blessed by God's calling of you and for that alone, I am eternally grateful for your sacrifice. It was truly an honor and a unique privilege to have been with you. God bless and may He let my prayers reach you and yours this holiday season.

Damian Jackson
Escondido PD

December 25, 2005

It's Christmas Eve and I woke up with you on my mind. I had to leave a reflection. I can feel your presence. I know your here. I know you will be here with us all tonight. I can feel it. I can feel you. You will not be without thought, you will never be forgotten, each Chirstmas, every holiday, every day, each minute, you will not be forgotten. Auntie

December 24, 2005

Isaac,

How special it was to see your family in person. How honored I was to just be in their presence. How humbling it was to see God’s gift to you and Renata.

Heavenly Father,

I pray that you comfort Renata and show her your will as she goes through difficult emotions. I pray that you give her your strength to see this year through and begin a new.

In your precious and holy name,

Amen

December 24, 2005

I miss you so much! These past couple of days have been so hard. With the holidays coming up and me feeling like I don't want to do anything it makes me sad. I keep going down to the niner room and sitting there staring at your picture for hours. Why is it so hard for me to understand that you are not coming back? First let me tell you that the ceremony for Class 12 at Escondido PD was so amazing. I was so overwhelmed by everything that they did and how much work they put into dedicating their academy class in your memory. I never expected anything like it. In the past year they had done so much for you, and I was so touched to see how even though they never got to meet you, you inspired their lives. I remember being on stage with them about to give out the Officer Isaac Espinoza award to one of the cadets, when my stomach went into a knot just seeing all their faces and how proud they where of you. I couldn't help it but the tears just kept flowing. Not because I was sad but because I was so amazed to see what wonderful people they truly are. I wanted so much to go up to each one of them and just give them a big hug and say thank you for everything. I wanted to say how grateful I was for making us feel like we weren't alone. Like your death wasn't in vain because you had touched so many lives in so many places and people who didnt get to know you. I wanted to tell them that I would never forget what they had done and how they had shown us kindness from their heart without asking anything in return. They handed me a check for Bella's found and baby I just couldn't stop crying. They did not have to do any of this but they did for you, for your memory. I wanted to let them know what an honor it was to have had the pleasure of being able to share this special moment in their lives, but no words came out! I just stood there and cried. Please baby watch over them as they start their new journey. Because now they have an Angel in Blue as their guardian angel.

I wish I knew what to do right now. I want to have christmas like before when you where here. My family will be here with me but all I want to be is alone. I had a dream with you last night, the first in a year in a half that I can remember. I don't know what you where trying to tell me in the dream but it was so real and I remember little details and haven't been able to forget them. I keep thinking of how loud I was crying when I woke up and how scared I felt. What are you telling me? Help me Isaac. It's gonna be another year and it feels like the reality of your death is so much more there and I can't seem to handle it. I just want you here. I don't want be without you. You where my best friend, my everything. The only one who knew me and understood me and who loved me unconditionally. I need you. I miss you. I love you.

December 22, 2005

I knew you where there watching today. We knocked and knocked on the door. WWe waited outside about 45 minutes before the locksmith came to open the door. We went inside and you drew my attention to the steam on the stove, telling me someone was inside. I called my partner, bringing his attention to the steam on the stove. Only one room was closed. We went inside, guns drawn, me first. I saw a open on the other side of the bed and I went to see what was there. I saw two big piles of clothes and I thought it was dirty laundry. I went to leave, but you made me go back for a second look. I saw them, the white tennis shoes first, and what appeared to be someone laying on the floor. I yelled "police and get up with your hands showing." My heart beat like crazy, but you were there. I could feel you.

December 21, 2005

Dear Son: I was so touched by the dedication and honor given to your memory by the Palomar Police Academy Class 12. Cadets we did not even know honoring you and us. It was so unexpected and so beautiful and special to us. I felt so loved and respected. It is so awesome to know that you have touched so many. Our loss is their gain. I am impressed that the Cadets focused so much energy on you, that you were so honored and that they shared their Graduation with you. I can hardly put into words how the Cadets special day was a special day for us. God is truly working in mysterious ways. His ways are above our ways and above our understanding. I do not know what He is doing. I know He is doing something good for others even though He has broken our hearts in order to do it. The Cadets are so special and so dedicated to law enforcement. I was so proud of them like a parent, just like I was so proud of you. Thank you Cadets. Thank you Officer Jackson. I will keep you in my prayers. I love you, son. Mom

December 19, 2005

WOW Isaac! What a night it was last night! We attended the Palomar Police Academy's Class 12 Graduation and your Mom, Dad, Regina, Renata & Bella were there. Class 12 has dedicated their entire year to your memory and that was certainly made clear last night.

The night began with each of the cadets presenting your family with a single pink rose and at the end of the line was Damian...with a teddy bear for Bella...it was extremely touching.

The night went on with many presentations and awards but throughout the evening, your name kept popping up. You and your memory were such an inspiration to that class and it was very evident.

There was one cadet that I happened to know as he works with my daughter. I believe he will truly represent everything you were about Isaac. He not only earned the nights "Top Cop" award but he also earned the Isaac Espinoza Memorial Award. This award was a surprise to all of the cadets.

Earlier in the year, Damian had asked them all to write down on a piece of paper, which of their fellow cadets embodied all of the attributes of you Isaac. He then took the papers and this is where the Isaac Espinoza Memorial Award was created from...Miguel was the one they chose.

When it came time to present that award, your family was brought up on stage. You could just tell they were so touched to be so honored to attend such a special ceremony, in honor of their son, husband, brother and daddy and all of the future officers to follow in his footsteps.

You see, throughout the year, the cadets have always done one extra push-up because...Isaac Would!! This had become their motto and will stay with them throughout their careers and life in general. These cadets worked hard this past year to also hold fundraisers in your memory. Throughout the year, they were able to raise $12,000 for a trust fund for Bella and this was presented to them last night. You have many people here on earth Isaac, looking out for your family who realistically were perfect strangers to all of us until last night.

Strangers no more...I went last night with other members of Damian's STAR Motorcycle chapter and had the sincere honor of meeting your beautiful family. We all wore our Isaac Would..Memorial Benefit Ride shirts along with our #64 badge pins in your memory. It was the highlight of the evening to be able to meet your wonderful family. Bella is so full of life and she has so many people that will continue to keep your memory alive for her.

Thank you Isaac, for being such an inspiration to all of us. Damian has done an awesome job with giving the true meaning of being not only an outstanding officer but a wonderful human being and family man to these young cadets...a great start to their future.

Thank you Damian, for all you did for the Espinoza Family and Isaac's memory and for the inspiration both you and Isaac have been to these cadets...men they can really look up to and try to emulate in their lives.

I have only known Damian for about a year now but he is, as Isaac is, a wonderful human-being. He says that Isaac has changed his life but he already had the spirituality and warmth that Isaac had. I think that Isaac has just made him more "whole", if that's possible.

Thank you to the Espinoza family for taking the time to come down to San Diego and share in last nights heart-warming ceremony. I'm sure it meant so very, very much to you to see so many perfect strangers have so much love and respect for your wonderful son and your family.

May God Be With You Always...
Julie Vincent
STAR Chapter 123

December 16, 2005

Isaac remember that spiral Christmass tree you put outside two years ago, well the new people at the corner put one out and it just made us laugh. Bella comes over often to play with Arielle and it is such a pleasure to have her over, she is such a little angel. We all miss you!
Sonia

December 15, 2005

Son: I was so proud of Isabella tonight. She sang in her first Christmas Concert at school with her kindergarten class. She was so beautiful with her long brown hair and her big green eyes. She smiled, looked out into the audience, opened her mouth wide when she sang, made hand movements with the rest of her class and she even recited a bible verse with her class. She looked like she was having so much fun and we had so much fun just watching her. I could just imagine you being there. Laughing and smiling and being so proud of her and of her performance. I love you. Mom

December 14, 2005

I had a dream about you last night. We were all hanging out and you and Renata were talking in the corner. She was crying and huggin you very tightly............ I love you Renata.
Adele

Cousin

December 12, 2005

As Christmas nears I think more and more of you. Christmas will not be the same without you there. I cannot tell you how sad I have been. Sometimes I just want to know WHY you were taken from us. Someone so sweet and God loving. It just does not seem right.
Sometimes I wonder how I can go on. Sometimes I feel like I am going to lose it. Sometimes work just does not feel the same and I want to run away. Sometimes I want to yell. Sometimes I want to cry and cry. Sometimes.....sometimes...........

December 8, 2005