Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Couple days ago I parked my car to go to work when a couple drove by and stopped by my side asking me if I knew Issac. That question caught me totally by surprise. The couple pointed to my "Issac Espinoza 64" sticker on my truck and said that they were from San Francisco and they were on vacation in San Diego. I started telling them about the Class 12 honoring Issac Espinoza when the lady repiled "Yeah, from Escondido right"? The lady told me that she knows the Espinoza family and she knew about Class 12. I will not forget her smile when she said that Espinoza lives in our hearts. Also I could not help to notice her compassion when she was speaking about Issac. The traffic light turned green, we said good bye and I started to speed my pace crossing the street. The couple went on enjoying their vacation and I went to work. Those few seconds that we spent was marked by a very emotional connection that two people that never have seen each other before share. The Issac Espinoza connection.
Throughout that night I kept thinking about the impact that Issac had in the lifes of every single cadet on Class 12. Since week 1 when Officer Jackson came up with the idea of honoring Issac, all the stories, the photos, the video where we saw Issac with friends and family, the e-mails and letters that were exchanged, all the push ups, the catchy phrase "Issac Would", the motorcycle rally, until our graduation, the actually meeting the family. As we marched and bestowed flowers to the family, I remember myself bitting my lips trying not to cry. After a whole year talking and thinking about them, now they were right in front of you. It did shook me up. Also I remember Mrs Dreyer'voice breaking up and pretty much everyone in that room being touched by the emotions. You could feel the emotions in the air.
The academy ended almost six months ago and now I am in the process with some agencies. Life goes on but I will not forget the academy and specially Issac. I come from a far away country where the police is very different from the police in America. Issac is a role model that makes this difference even farther apart. Issac is the role model that I will strive for. I will remember Issac. He might not be here among us but his spirit and legacy was passed on to every cadet on Class 12.

For all the memories and lessons....... Thank you Issac!


Issac would....

Cadet Andre Huebes. Class 12.
Palomar College Police Academy

May 6, 2006

To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say.
But first of all to let you know, that I arrived okay.

I'm writing this from Heaven. Here I dwell with God above. Here, there's no more tears of sadness; Here's just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight. Remember that I am with you every morning, noon, and night.

That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through. God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you.

It's good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone. As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.

I need you here so badly, you are a part of my plan. There is so much that we can do, to help our mortal man."

God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do. And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.

And when you lie in bed at night the day's chores put to flight. God and I are closest to you...in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years. Because you're only human, they are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain. Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned but if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.

But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er.
I'm closer to you NOW, than I ever was before.

There are rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb; but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too; that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who is in sorrow and pain; then you can say to God at night..."My day was not in vain."

And now I am contented...that my life was worthwhile. Knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low; just lend a hand to pick them up, as on your way you go.

When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind; I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go...from that body to be free. Remember you're not going...you're coming here to me.

May 4, 2006

Tomorrow I leave to honor you, for the second year, in Sacramento. This year I do not feel as dazed as I did last year. This year I think of the other wifes, mothers, fathers, sibblings, family and family in blue, who lost their loved one in 2005. It makes me so sad to think of their pain, for I know and understand their loss. I honor you, my dear nephew, and all those who gave their lifes. It saddens me, words cannot express what I am feeling. I can only tell you that seeing your name on the wall at the hall of justice, in sacamento, HURTS. HURTS so deep to know you are gone. I miss you so much. Auntie

May 3, 2006

My coed baby shower is Saturday, and I really wish you could be here for it..... I always wish you were here. You never made it to my house, but I know you wanted to come by. I remember us talking about it and you were so interested. I could see you walk in the door now with your big eyes and big smile shaking your head in amazement that I'm having a baby. Saying I got knocked up or something really funny. I could also see you in the backyard with the guys enjoying yourself and cracking jokes with your proud father face as Bella sat on your lap. I could also see you telling her to get down and go play with her cousins. You never wanted her to be shy. You were cute Isaac. I miss you!

April 27, 2006

I can still remember your laughter. It was a catchy laughter. One that rings in your mind. Whenever I start to think of you and cry I hear that laughter and see the smile and that makes me smile and feel better. We had so much fun all of us as kids... You truly lived your life to the fullest. I really believe that. You did everything you said you wanted to do and then some. Maybe you knew your life would be short lived, I dont know. But I miss you... I miss your silly laugh... Antonette

April 27, 2006

Thinking of you all...and how comforting it is to see that you have been leaving reflections on Class 14's Officer Larry Lasater. You are in my prayers.

Blessings,
Shanon

Shanon Dreyer
Palomar College Police Academy

April 24, 2006

Zak-

I can't say that this year was any easier, but I can say that we have a better grasp on our comfort outlets-God, Family, and Friends. Monday came faster than I thought, and I couldn't even think of being sad, I thought about all of the family I haven't seen in awhile and the open arms that always welcome me. Carol, I'm sorry I missed you! I looked for you and somehow never found you. I told Regina to tell you how sorry I was and I wanted to talk with you, you always make time for me, thank-u.

Ofc. Patty Brown
sfpd-Mids, BAYVIEW

April 17, 2006

You and your family are prayerfully remembered this month as the second anniversary of your tragic death passes. Thank you for your dedication to the people of the community. You are a hero who will be remembered for your goodness and courage.

Mary Kay Balchunas
Mother of Jay Balchunas, EOW 11/5/04

April 16, 2006

My Beloved Son: Tonight is Easter Vigil, and I wanted to acknowledge that you were killed on the night of Easter Vigil 2004. The Catholic Holy Easter Vigil Mass ended that night at 9:30 p.m., the time you were killed. The next morning, Father Angel (his name) told your dad and I that he finished celebrating the resurrection of Jesus at the vigil mass at 9:30 p.m., the time you were killed and that Jesus took you with Him to Heaven. Each year the Church celebrates Easter on a different Sunday in April. So now, I commemorate your rising above us not only on April 10 but also on Easter Vigil. I miss you and I am so grateful for the grace of being your mother. Truly the Mother of Jesus knows my pain and the pain of so many mothers of so many heroes who made the ultimate sacrifice so that others would have life and have it in abundance. I love you. Mom

April 15, 2006

I have read these reflections over the past two years and this is the first time I have finally felt the need to leave a message. I feel such joy in my heart. I finally feel that you, Isaac, have touched Renata and helped her to begin to heal. The love you had for each other is an inspiration, and that love will always be in the hearts and souls of the loved ones you have left behind. You truly are an angel in the wind, guiding Renata and Bella and giving them the stregth they need to carry them through each day.

April 14, 2006

Today would of been our 9 year wedding anniversary. I sat down and watched our wedding video. I cried and laughed to see all our friends and family and how young we were. We had so much fun that day celebrating with our loved ones and the stories everyone made that night. (u know what im talking about. ha ha ha)
I have missed you so much and at times I ask myself how the heck have I done it for two years?
Your two year anniversary candlelight vigil was so beautiful. It was at Bayview station and all our friends and family in Blue were there. Its always a pleasure to see everyone come together to celebrate you and show how much they loved you. I am grateful. We all MISS YOU!
Let me tell you that Bella lost her first tooth last night and she was so happy. All I could do was wish u could of been here to see her pull it out. She didnt even cry. She is so brave. Getting bigger and bigger everyday. There's not one day that we dont talk about you or remember you. She is amazing at how she can remember every little thing about you and the time u guys spend together. Even when she was a baby. Its crazy.
We both have come a long way! Our lives will never be the same, but now we have decided to add new chapters in our family story.

You will never be forgotten! We love you Baby.

April 12, 2006

To Officer Isaac Anthony Espinoza and all his loved ones:

On this the second anniversary of your tragic death, please know that your memory is honored and revered today.

I have had the pleasure of meeting some of your family, and I so admire there strength and faith. My heart goes out all of them during this time. You all remain in our thoughts and our prayers.

Reading the loving reflections about your beloved Isaac gives us some understanding of what a kind and honorable man he was, and what he meant to his family and friends. I don't know if the creators of this web site ever envisioned how many of us would communicate with each other, and with our angels through these reflection pages. But we do and I find such comfort in it.

Isaac, you rescued us, saved our possessions, our lives and our families. You are one of the rare heroes among us. You were always there for us in the most traumatic moments of our lives. No matter when we called, we just expected that you would come and do whatever it took to help us, and you always met our expectations. Your selflessness and dedication are awe-inspiring.

This world, this country, your community truly are better places because of you. To have lost you is a great tragedy, an irreplaceable, immeasurable loss for society. We are grateful for and to you, and honor you for all you did for us day in and day out whether you received a word of thanks or praise.

Rest in Peace, Isaac. I am humbled by your valor, courage, and dedication.

This reflection is sent with the utmost respect for the distinquished service Isaac gave to his community and the citizens of California, and for the supreme sacrifice he and his family made on April 10, 2004.

Phyllis Loya, mother of fallen officer Larry Lasater, Pittsburg PD, eow 4/24/05

April 12, 2006

God Bless you Isaac, you are in good hands now. Thank you for all you gave to our city by the bay. May peace be in the hearts of your friends and your family members.

Deputy P. Flynn #1014
San Francisco Sheriff's Department

April 12, 2006

Today is your wedding anniversary day, Son, and all I can do is think about it. I am grateful that you were blessed with the grace of marriage. I was in awe on your wedding day when you and Renata did your first dance as man and wife; the way you looked into her eyes, the love that shone on your face for her; it was so overwhelming for me that I sobbed. I am so grateful that Renata was a good and faithful wife who loved and adored you, that she loved the Lord and praised and worshipped Him all your days together, that your home was holy and loving and oh so happy. Your marriage was a model of Christian marriage and love, and I miss seeing that love. I couldn't bear it, Son, had you lost Renata and had to go through the pain that she goes through. You loved and cherished her so much. I was so proud of the husband you were. I could hardly believe that my own son was such a loving and good husband. Your leaving us was so unexpected, and it's so unfair. It makes no sense to me. I prayed and trusted God to protect you in your work and I know that Renata did too. I know our God loves me and He loves you and Renata. Why this pain? I love you, Son, and I love Renata. I am so grateful that your days on earth were happy days because of your love for Renata and her love for you. I am so grateful for her; I am just so grateful.

April 12, 2006

Hey Brother,
It has been two years since we stood still waiting for news on your condition. You have also touched the otherside of law enforcement and us deputies still remember that day well. RIP my brother and may god bless you and your family. Remember, if your family ever needs help, we would be there to extend our hand to our fallen comrade. Take care and god bless.

a SFSD Deputy
San Francisco Sheriff Department

April 12, 2006

I thought about you yesterday. I can't believe it's been 2 years! Miss talking to you.

April 11, 2006

Hey Isaac,
I've had a really difficult time moving on since Class 12 graduated the academy and a new class began. For this class we are dedicating the year of training to Officer Tony Zeppetella from Oceanside PD. He was killed on 6/13/03. He was a strong and devout man and I'm sure the two of you have had conversations there in heaven. I feel guilty because the fire and intensity that your memory has brought to me and continues to bring me is just simply not matched this time around and I am torn on two fronts. Part of me feels like I'm doing a disservice by comparing you with another and the other part feels like I'm walking away from you, even though you are to this day, THE most pivotal guide in my life next to our Lord. So, like those who knew you, I have to move on and maintain that fire for you deep within my heart, because it can never be extinguished. I now have to make room for the others that are to come and who we are to honor, as you would have and what I have come to realize, is that the your fire doesn't have to become smaller to make room...my heart simply grows larger to make room for the others. And at that, I now find myself smiling. Maybe, as I write this, you're up in heaven pointing back at me, saying, "there you go, brother..."

Tonight Becky and I toasted our shots of Jagermeister and looked up to you as we drank. "To Isaac!"

I still call on you every day of my life and always will. Your example and what you stood for is something I will spend the rest of my days trying to emulate in hopes to someday scratch the surface of what you touched in your life. Few in this world can understand that, but those who do can nod their head and know what I speak of. I pray that you continue to guide and protect us all and to watch over your beautiful family. Renata, Bella, Carol, Isaac Sr., Regina, all of you...I pray for you all and think of you more than you will ever know.

God bless you.

Officer Damian Jackson
Escondido PD / Palomar Police Academy

April 11, 2006

I will never forget you and the absolute pain I felt on this day two years ago. Hope you felt my presence as I visited you Sunday. I miss you.

God bless you and your family always.

April 10, 2006

RIP... how come the good always go first???

Jessika

April 10, 2006

We can't help but think of you daily, but especially today, especially with Easter coming up and especially as each family function comes and goes and you're only here in spirit with us. I miss you and it kills me to see your sister's pain and how much she misses you and your parents. I only know from popo and our other family members who've gone before us, it doesn't go away, but it does get easier with time, till we are reminded like today of the loss. Just know, we take you with us everywhere we go. You are in our hearts forever. I love you and miss you dearly.

Big Cousin

April 10, 2006

Today has been tough. I can't go ten minutes without thinking of you and the loss I feel. I ran by the fountain today, it was so high. Higher than normal. Reaching up to heaven to touch you. I be a work tonight just like I was 2 years ago, bringing angels into this world. My family will be strong, they will get through tonights candle cermony and they will wake up tomorrow ready to continue on with life. Many of us have learned so many life lessons from our loss, for that I am thankful. I am thankful for the family I have, the family I've lost and the family yet to come. I miss you terribly.

Carol

April 10, 2006

Brother, it doesn't seem like two years, it seems like yesterday. You will forever live in my heart and mind. I long for the day when we see each other again in or fathers presence. Love you bro.
Edgar .

April 10, 2006

How the time goes by. How the memories just flash before my eyes. How the wounds wont seem to heal, how this pain doesnt feel real, and how i just wish it would all go away. It seems like your presense still lingers here and theres so much that time cannot erase. Im bound by the life you left behind. I can still your voice, and makes me feel soo secure. Why did this have to happen? The question we all want to know. Time goes by and it feels like as if it was yesterday that i could see you next door and you saying another smart remark like always. Because your gone i still feel your presense around, and i tried to tell myself that your gone but though your still with me and your family, who loves you with their heart brightens up the days. I still think about you each day that goes by. Your my hero that will never be forgotten. Take care of your family for they need you at hard times like these. I miss you and we will meet again. Time goes by but it just doesnt feel real.. please help this pain just go away...

Monica

April 10, 2006

In my dream you are happy, feel no sadness or pain where theres only sunshine no storms and no rain
A place full of beauty and marvelous things, rivers of gold and angels that sing
I am so afraid as you come close to me because this is so hard for me to believe, I've missed you so much but this cant be real
There's a light all around you and warmth that I feel, I look in your eyes and its home that I feel.
I see you smile as you take my hand, dont be afraid is what you say,
A feeling of peace comes over my heart as I hear your voice so tender and sweet
I've seen how you cried and at times how you've died, how you asked Why? God Why? Please understand my purpose I served now I am here free as a bird.
The tears start to roll as I try to speak, to tell you I love you and is you thatI need. Dont want to start over its so hard to do, when for all my life all Ive known is you?
You reach up and hold me and then wipe my tears, look into my eyes and take all my fears.
Remember our life and the memories we made a love like ours will never fade.
I left you a gift so tender and pure a big part of me to help you get thru.
Thru her I will live and give you the strength to smile, and feel and make it all real. Please tell her I love her and I will always be with her, tell her I hear her when she calls my name , when she smiles and cries and cannot hide the pain. Let her know she was all that I wanted and dreamed of, how I thanked GOD the day she was born, how much joy she brought to my life and all I did was live for her.
Now close your eyes and dont be scared, its not goodbye is what you said. You have a journey that you must travel, new places to explore. A life to live, new memories to make, happy times please no more tears.
I kissed your lips and said I love you, inside my heart Ill always have you. I wont forget the life we shared and all the memories that we once made. Im not afraid even though I know it was not fair you had to go.
I heard you say just one more thing, I am at peace here where I am remember now my home is HEAVEN
I closed my eyes and held you tight
then I woke up and knew was right, it was a dream that I just had.
I did not cry, I just smiled
cause I saw my ANGEL for a while.

April 10, 2006

Isaac,

Monday will be two years since that tragic night.
You know, Ive been the SFPD 24 years and along the way I've lost alot of good friends, including my own partner in 94. And it never gets any easier. Over the years people talk of closure and moving on. Both terms of which I didn't like the sounds of. As time went on I have developed my own way of dealing with the lost. I view each situation as a life experience. And in doing so each lost becomes part of me. It colors the way I see the world, the way I react to things and it is these experience that make each of us unique individuals. This way I don't close the door to a part of my life or leave anyone behind.
This philosophy has served me well so far and it helps me to continue with the business of life.

Well Zak, see you Monday in the garden.

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN...

Sgt. Sherman W. Lee
Bayview Station-Third Watch

April 10, 2006