Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Zup, Ieze Hows it going. For me Im ok started a new job, and now am trying to hook my parents up with a loan. (Yeah, like I always tried to hook you up):)I went to the cemetary the other day cause i just couldnt stop thinking about you, I could not concentrate at work and left quickly cause i felt i had to go see you and when i got there i didnt do anything just cry and remember all the times we all shared and all the things that were suppose to happen. I try to be strong but at times i give in and cry and think "Isaac is really gone" the funny guy who was always making jokes and fixing stuff and smiling and making fun of me, Ieze is really gone, and i see you smiling and hear you laugh. like the last time i saw you, when we went over your house cause bella had got hurt and all the drama that happend and even though we all tried to be mad at each other we couldnt cause we just couldnt Ieze you always had to joke about it and that made everything all good again. I remember that we were all laughing cause you were giving me that video thing that wasnt even yours it was ninas :) Oh man that was funny. (by the way nina never gave it to me) But you know Ieze, I think of you everyday at some point during the day. I see your pic everyday cause nina made this thing for bella, that has pics of you and bella from when she was a baby till she was like 2. I had a dream about you the other day, but its to hard to share but I just pray that God allowes me to talk to you and ask you what you want me to tell nina, the house is turning out fine Ieze, but it just feels weird cause you aint here, trying to make it better or something. I really miss you Ieze, we have been hanging out more with the family and i just feel sad to know that you should be with us to, but then realize that you are with us in our hearts and in our memories, you always come up in our conversations. We laugh we get sad. But at the end i remember the good times and keep your smile on my mind. Ieze I miss you. May God keep you. till we meet again. RAY

October 6, 2004

Isaac help Renata and your family live without you. Soothe them, hold them, make them strong. I was only your friend and I think of you everyday. I can't even imagine what Renata is feeling? What your parents and sister are feeling? please hold them in your arms, come to them in dreams. Guide them through this!

October 5, 2004

Make A Pearl....by Harry Emerson

The most extraordinary thing about the oyster is this: Irritations get into his shell. He does not like them. But when he cannot get rid of them, he uses the irritation to do the loveliest thing and oyster ever has a chance to do. If there are irritations in our lives today, there is only one prescription: Make a Pearl

Share it with others, it will help us mend our broken hearts.

October 4, 2004

Its me again. Sorry the other one I wrote was really fast. Veronica needed the computer. You know how mean and annoying her voice is. Hahaha.


Wow, how she misses you. I dont know how she does it. I cant even imagine her pain. I want her to smile and laugh like she means it. I dont want her to pretend that she has to laugh to hide her pain. I want it like how it was before. Pleasee watch over her. These times are the hardest for her. She doesnt know how shes going to move on without you. I dont think she ever is. The pain is just too much for her. Why? I still ask it had to be you. Sometimes I feel like the world is nothing anymore. Sometimes I feel like there is no use in living because we dont even know when its our time to go. Sometimes I have this hatred in my mind, that Im in a bad mood, or just dont want to talk to anyone because Im angry at the world. I was never like that. But now after you left us, I feel like why do I have to be happy? Theres nothing to be happy about anymore. It just doesnt seem real. It seems like 1 month ago that you moved into your house & came strolling along Cuesta with Renata. It actaully feels like yesterday. I rememeber your face, your eyes, your nose, your smile, your teeth, your everything. I remember how happy Renata was. I remember when everyone in your family was happy. But now it seems like its brokem hearts, shredded tears, and no laughter. Gosh Isaac. Im soo mad. I didnt want you to leave. I hate the fact that your not here with us. It wasnt ever your time. I wish that I could just do something to have you back. I think everybody would try to something to get you back. The pains never gunna go away Isaac. Its never going to go away. I always watched the news and always saw other families crying over their friends, sons, daughters, or the ones theyve lost, but never did I expect it would ever be you. I guess I never realized how much you were affected my life and my families life. How we miss you. It hurts me and sometimes I feel like I cant even breathe. Sometimes I pinch myself just to see if its real. If this is all real. I wish it was all unreal. I never got to tell you how much I looked up to you, and respected your decisions and your goals in life. You taught me many things. Its incredible how i actually still remeber them. Please Isaac dont ever walk away from Renata. Always watch over her and Little Bella. Shes looking more like you everyday. Its crazy. Time goes by and it seems so unreal everyday. Just know that theres never one day that I dont think of you. Everyday. Every second, every minute, everyday! I think I want to go visit you tomorrow. I havent for awhile. No i havent forgotten about you. Its just that I dont drive, and i cant drive myself there. My mom has been really busy. But for sure Im going to visit you tomorrow. Catch up on things you know? You were always the sweetest thing Isaac and you'll always be. I miss you okay? Never forget that. Please be good up there Isaac. Dont do anything I wouldnt do. Watch over Bella and Renata. Love you and take care . See you tomorrow.

Monica

October 4, 2004

Hahahah Isaac I know you were smiling today when my sister and I went to the store. You were smiling and saying " thats right Veronica, you finally turned in to a niners flag" hahah nooo isaac we havent. It was just for this one ocassion. Hahaha. We couldnt help but laugh, because we knew that you were laughin at us.

Bella came over the other day. Wow she is such a handful. I took pictures of her. I wish i could post them on here, and i tried so you can see how much she looks like you everyday! But i couldnt. We were playing and everything. She eats way tooo much. I said Bella dont eat to much your gunna end up being chunky like me! She had like 5 tortillas, and like 2 mangos, and one kiwi, and some other junk food. We watched The Little Mermaid and we were singing. She was laughing at me because I couldnt sing at all. She got the making fun of me from you. I miss you Isaac. Please come back.

Monica

October 3, 2004

isaac. jeez, so many times have passed by were i have said to myself " write this to isaac" or "post this" but truely i have never found the right words! i was thinkin about you like i always do and started to wonder what you were doing? and how heaven really was? christian brang the subject to my attention but i started to daze and REALLY think about the momentum. HOW IS IT IN HEAVEN? do you have any rules? what does it look like? what do you do all day? do you make new friends? what is it like? i dont know. but i want to! i also tried to figure out how renata goes on without you in her site. she has you in her heart but how is it for renata not to have you right there beside her after all these years? and bella? what does she do. her and her lil mind not knowing why her daddy is not coming home to her and her mommy? what is she to think? but renata takes good care of her! bella doesnt understand but renata tells her the truth! that her daddy went to heaven to go help the other lil kids. i know there are times when bella just wants you there with her that very second and starts to build a temper but renata works her magic and helps bella to understand it in a different way! renata is such a strong woman. Look at what she is doing! I was at your house the other day and was amazed at how much work renata was doing with the house, bella, with herself! so many things renata is accomplishing along the way of her trying and trying to get closer to you. she waits for you. to come back to her. renata is a very strong and rather fine person. she is taking such good care of your daughter. bella is happy with her doggy named nemo! i was laughing becuz bella kept laughing like crazy cuz nemo kept peeing everywhere and she kept saying mommy nemo pee'd again and renata would get angry! it was hilarious. bella was having a good time watching nemo pee everywhere! haha... and bella knows every little disney princess there is huh!! i was amazed she was naming all of them and showing me there pictures! and then she told me that she was a princess and that she was going to turn nemo into a frog with her wand and then kiss him so he can become her prince! haha she was entertaning me for a while. the she gave me a little tin can full of her makeup. first she told me that her mommy had put eye shadow on her. she said it was called GLITTER PURPLE! lol! it looked cute on her. and the she took me downstairs to help her fill out her bratz notebook with all of her stickers. she told me to write everything for her. but i had to hold her hand while i wrote becuz she said she wasnt a writer yet. so i held her right hand IM A LEFTY SO IT WAS KIND OF HARD but then i wrote down her favorites for her. like kim possible and CINDERELLA. it was fun. after we ate some burritos! YUMM! then unfortunately i had to leave. but its okae. gosh issac you have such a unique family in everyway! bella will grow up to be a beautiful young lady and renata's beauty will never age. she willl always be as beautiful as she is now. take care of your family isaac bless then and nuture them from your cloud high above in the sky. ill see you in my dreams and hear you in my prayes...till then...

fina

October 3, 2004

I sit and stare at your picture each day. I look into your eyes and cannot believe it. How could this be? I don't believe it. I stare at your picture at your smile and all our memories come to my mind. All that we shared and all that we had. I cannot believe it, this is not happening. I try each day to go on without you but everything reminds me of you. I have good days and I have bad days. But everyday I think of you. I sit and read our letters over and over and over again. Remembering our love. I sit and cry. I cannot sleep. I don't know the meaning of that word. I still sit and wait to hear you come through the door. Why? Why you? I tell myself that I will be alright but inside I know that I am not. How do I go on without the other part of my heart? I sit and write all my thoughts but end up crying because it makes me realize how much I miss you. I write to you letters like the old days but get sad when I realize that you won't write me back. These letters are just for me. Oh how I miss you! Today I have no strength, just sadness and emptyness. I have no hope just weakness. Today I cannot think straight my mind just goes blank. I cannot function I am lost. I dream of seeing you of hearing your voice and I wait but nothing comes... just silence. I write to you it is the only way I know how to let you know what I feel. Hoping that the words I write will make me realize this is very real. You are gone. You are not coming back. But really it does not help. Because I read and read and yet I don't believe that this is real. It feels like just yesterday we where a family we were together happy. Like yesterday you kissed our daughter and me and said "I love you guys" I will see you tonight. Like just yesterday you came home and played with your daughter and made her laugh like no one else could. It feels like just yesterday you and I danced the night away and then stayed up and talked about our future, our home, our lives, our past, our dreams. Reminicing about high school and old friends. Then I realize that I am alone. No more home just a house, no more dreams just broken hearts, no more future just the past, no more family just broken lives. I sit and look at your picture and wait....

October 3, 2004

I asked god if he would let me talk to you. (I guess I felt like testing god because I just don't understand why he took you.) I asked GOD if you could hear me. The neighbors lights turned on a minute later. I know you turned on those lights, and I know in my heart your here with us everyday. Your just an angel now...

Cousin

October 3, 2004

I check this website daily for our son recently lost his partner on a code call. We all grieve over the lives lost in the line of duty. I hope you can find some comfort knowing that there are countless prayers that go out for your family.

God bless the men and women who continue to serve their commuities in our great nation.

Here is a special prayer for you:

Give eternal rest to them, O Lord,
whose souls have taken flight.
And lead them to a better world
Where there is peace and light.
Grant them eternal freedom
From conflict, war, and care,
And fulfill for them Thy prophecy,
There shall be no night there.

Pray for us from above. We love you, son.

Grandma & Grandpa Hinkle
Parents of a Deputy Sheriff

October 2, 2004

Isaac, It's been months since that horrible night, one we'll all never forget, I lost my baby cousin, my friend. When I kissed you goodbye and touched your hair, all I could think about at that moment was how beautiful you were and how you are so much like Popo. Strong, handsome, funny and the biggest heart who loved his family more than life itself.

Knowing that I was only down the street from your home that morning and thought, should I stop by, wanting to visit you, but knowing you are always running around, said to myself, oh, I'll see him tomorrow at our Easter family function, so I kept on driving. If I only knew that this was my final moment in time together w/ you, and this is all we had, I would of been there in a heartbeat. I am so sorry. All we have is today, so we need to make the most of every moment and love each other unconditionally. I love you, we all do, and we miss you.

When I watched the video the other night with your mom I felt like wow, now I know why he was always busy, you were a huge part of so many peoples lives, so many teams/organizations, so competitive and I am so proud of you. When you hurt your ankle and I wheeled you to your Dr's appt, I am so fortunate to of had that time with you. It's so amazing, my cousin whom I knew all my life, and your mom agreed, we've learned more about now and are so in awe of you Iz. You were the heart and soul of your family. Never realizaed how much we cousin were alike, but spending every Sunday growing up at popo's house having our spaghetti dinners made us all one, one big close family. We all loved holidays, family functions, and last X-Mas you told me that this 2004 X-Mas was going to be at your house once it was done, you said, "It's my turn now" I wish you were here Iz, I can't do it again w/out you, it wont ever be the same w/out you. We will all make sure that Bella and Renata will always be involved our family functions, bella has so many cousins and they love her. Just like you are my cousin, but you were also like the only brother we had, 7 girl cousin and one beautiful boy, our eyes. Love you forever. NS

Nancy Sessa

September 30, 2004

A little girl sits on my lap she sees a picture of her dad, this is the first time she has seen him since he died. She sits quietly while the video starts to play.
A little girl I see smiling at me, then the tears start rolling down her cheeks as she hears her Papi speak. She does not know how to react so she turns to me and holds me tight.
A little girl who is so pure sits on my lap and starts to cry. I hear her voice say Papi, Papi I want my Papi she looks at me I look at her and try to say It will be okay.
A little girl who used to smile now sits and cries for a while. I cannot hold my tears in, I cannot hold the pain I feel we both sit there and cry to hear the voice of our love, to see the face of our love.
A little girl who knew no fear now holds me tight and holds me near. I pick her up and we walk out with tears of sadness and broken hearts. We are reminded of what we once had, we are reminded of what now is gone. I feel so angry, I hold her tight, I tell her that it will be alright.
A little girl so full on innocence asks her mami, when is Papi coming back. A little girl who knows no wrong begs her mother to go to heaven a bring her Papi.
A little girl who holds me tight cries thru the night as I sing a lullaby, she holds her teddy bear who she has named "Papi" so close to her and won't let go. She falls asleep and then wakes up calling his name. I cry with her I hold her tight I wish I could take the pain from her. She asks again if we can go see papi and all I can say is it's not our time. I see her her smile and say soon mami. He is building a castle for us to come and live with him, with pretty treasures and princess costumes. I look at her and just smile and say someday we will. I die inside each time she cries, each time she hopes, each time she smiles.
A little girl so sweet and pure, created by patience and love. A little girl I see each day who hopes and dreams that you'll be back. I ask that you give me strength each day I live for this little girl you left behind watch over us day and night and help us beat this fight.
A little girl who loves you dear who dreams of you and screams with fear. She is part of you and part of me, she makes us one and always will.
A little girl who you once loved, who you once held, who you once kissed. This little girl is now with me to see me thru this sad sad time. Remember now we are still here we love you now and always will. We won't forget you, you live in us.
Daddy's little girl I see each day, A little girl.....A little girl

September 30, 2004

this is for you, zak. this is not the whole song but shows how much we all miss you. And this is how I feel too.

Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray
I'll be missing you
Thinkin of the day, when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
I'll be missing you

[Puff] I miss you Big

[Verse Two: Puff Daddy]

It's kinda hard with you not around (yeah)
Know you in heaven smilin down (eheh)
Watchin us while we pray for you
Every day we pray for you
Til the day we meet again
In my heart is where I'll keep you friend
Memories give me the strength I need (uh-huh) to proceed
Strength I need to believe-P.Diddy

Aracelia

September 28, 2004

Hey Isaac....I think each day gets harder for me to accept this. We miss you so much. There is not a day that goes by that we dont talk about you here. Well more like make fun of you hahaha. We had so many memories with you, my goodness we can write a book.I miss those times...alot! There are so many things that I would love to go over and talk to you about and tease you about. Isaac we weren't done with our memories? I want them to come back. Everytime I see Bella, I wish you were here to hold her hand and play with her like you used to. She misses you so much and so does Renata. I know every second of the day you are watching over them and your family but its not the same. We want you here! Its so funny cause now that football season is here and we always used to have our little discussions about who was going to win the superbowl, well this year I hope the niners take it just for you! Just this one time okay. Don't be saying " thats right Veronica, the niners will always be on top." HAHAHAHA Im just saying this this one time. Dont get to happy. I miss you Isaac ... we all do!

Veronica

September 28, 2004

Isaac. How are you? Im okay. Today I didnt have any school, so my sister Veronica and my mom and I, went out shopping & we couldnt stop talking about you. We were thinking of all memories you had. Like the time when you took picture with Renata and Bella for Christmas and you wore white socks with your suit and we were hella making fun of you. I cant believe you wore WHiTE socks. Hahah. Or that time when you came over and asked my mom for food for Bella because you were really lazy to go to the store. You kept comming back and forth to get more and more food. Or that time when My sister and I were behind you one night in the car and we honked at you all the way down Cuesta and you got soo mad. Hahah. Or that time that you came for Chippys birthday party at my house and didnt even have a card. So you grabbed a piece of paper from your house came over and borrowed one of your pencils from our house to write her card, and the best of it all was that it was in penci. Renata couldnt believe it. Or that time that you stuck the Niners flag in my sister car. Hahah. We miss that. I miss that. I wish you were back here. We really do have many memories with you. Who would think. Isaac and the Mendozas. I miss you Isaac. I really do. Come back please. Things just arent the same. I think about you all the time. The times when Renata would smile because she meant it. The time Bella would be soo loud at night when you guys were comming home and me sticking my head out the window and saying " Shhh people are trying to sleep" and you just laughed and walked inside. The time I went over your house and you told me that I would have a room in your house & I was going to paint it pink & I would have parties and you wouldnt even know. The time you told me my eyebrows were uneven. That was mean. I never critized you. Hhaha. I miss that and soo many more memories. I love you Isaac. Watch over Renata, your family, Bella, and all of us. Love you and please come home because we miss you!

Monica.

September 27, 2004

I was in a class this week, it was the same class that Isaac had gone to before his passing. It was a Gun Recovery / Enforcement Class. We were told about a fine officer that died in S.F. I wanted to check the ODMP and read about this Officer. His wife's plead for him to come homein rhe reflections, made me cry out loud. I can't imagine that pain, but I would like to say I will kep you and your daughter in my prayers.

Ofc. G Jones
Fort Worth Police Dept.

September 25, 2004

ZAK-
Saw your video Wed. nite. At first, I was in shock because U looked like U were actually talking 2 us. I know that I'm not the only 1 when I say that I felt U there with us. Just 2 hear your voice again, and see that famous smile was a wonderful gift. It was great 2 see your home videos, your family interaction, stories, and silly ways that date back 2 your pre-pimp years...haaaa. We miss U and love U Isaac! -Patty

Off. Brown
S.F.P.D.- Bayview MIDS

September 24, 2004

I saw the video of you tonight, and I couldn't stop crying. No one on this planet will ever replace you. I am so proud of you. Your so beautiful cousin! I love you. Adele.....

Cousin

September 24, 2004

HEY ISAAC,GUESS WHO IM WITH RIGHT NOW?... NO ITS NOT J.LO!!!ITS RENATA I CANT BELIVE WHAT SHE DID TO HER HAIR REMEMBER YOUR HIGHLIGHT EXPERIENCE??? YEAH TRY 10X WORSE.DONT TRIP IM HOOKING HER UP AND ITS ONLY MIDNIGHT....IM SORRY I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO WRITE TO YOU THE WAY I REALLY WANT TO .THERES SO MUCH TO TELL YOU ITS UNBELIEVABLE,BUT RENATA AND I ARE REMINICING ABOUT THE CRAZIEST TIMES WE HAD TOGETHER BUT FOR NOW I'LL SAY GOODNIGHT AND SEE YOU IN MY DREAMS.

LOVE YOU CHRISTIAN "NEWBECK":)LOL
PS.SHE WENT BRUNETTE

September 23, 2004

Isaac, just saw the CDC of you. What a great CDC. Your so handsome, so happy, so wonderful. What a special memory of you for years to come, Especially for Isabella. Seeing that CDC she will be so proud of her father, the great protector. I know you will go on protecting her from heaven. She will never forget you. We won't let her.

Auntie

September 22, 2004

I still can't except the fact that your gone. Why God? Why? Did it have to be Isaac, such a good sucessful man with family, a wife, and a beaitful child who he loved so dearly. Theres not one day that goes by that i dont think of you, but it just hurts to much knowing that this sorrow and this pain just wont go away. Please all i ask is that you give the strength to pick up Renata when she is falling and cant get back up. Give her the strength to go on when she wants to give up. Listen to her prayers and Isaac please comfort her and watch over her throught the whole day. I miss you Isaac. I'll always remember. See Isaac we did love you, we just loved giving you a hard time. I miss you isaac, and we all want you to to come back. rest in peace, best angel up there.

Monica

September 22, 2004

im sorry renata. im really sorry for all of this. but please be strong and dont cry, because you know isaac would want you to be happy and smile,cuz hes not completely gone from you, although you cant touch him nor see him, hes still there keeping you and bella safe. you know that i love you renata, i really do, and anything you need we are here. please keep your head up. i know this is a very very very hard time that your never going to get through, but just know that isaac is going to help you get through these times. i love you renata. and i miss you isaac.

Monica

September 21, 2004

Isaac,

I'm completely knumb. I've run out of feelings and rationalization. Have you ever been so sad that you just can't think, or even cry? The more I look at your pictures, the more I talk about you and the strength of your family, the more at peace I am with knowing that you are still actively and enthusiastically protecting people. Thank-you!!

S.F.P.D.

September 21, 2004

hey bro: I miss you and love you. I miss talking to you , I miss you watching out for me making sure i was doing okay regarding u know what. Its hard to picture my life with out u being here. I prey to God our father that he gives Renata strengh to ley all of her burdens on him. She needs him. I know I will see you again.
Love u,
Eggy

September 20, 2004

If only I could go back in time and see you smile again
If only I could go back in time and hold you tight and never let you go
If only I could go back in time and make sure we had more wonderful memories together
If only I could go back in time to that night when I got your call, I would tell you to come home not to make that last stop.
If only I could go back in time and erase those words "theres been an accident"
If only I could go back in time I would tell you more than once everday that I loved you, that you taught me how to live each day to the fullest, you taught me how to really love and be loved, I would tell you that your smile kept me going thru the hard times, that I appreciated everything you ever did for me the promises you kept and the dreams you made come true.
If only I could go back in time I would say thank you, thank you for the life you gave me that was more than I ever dreamed of, thank you for the daughter you gave me who is just like you. Who has your eyes and the light that shines in them that belongs to you. Thank you for her my saving grace. She keeps me alive, she keeps hope inside me, she helps me breath each day. Thank you for her, your greatest joy, your love, your life.
If only I could go back in time....If only..If only I could just wake up from this nightmare.

September 20, 2004

hey isaac! im in keyboarding right now and i get to go online becuz i finsihed my work early!! yay! well today will be my first official living with my dad! i moved in yesterday! i dont have to change schools or anything either. so i could just walk to uncle gerrys house after school. as you know i go to BORING westmoor! there is nothing to do! man i hate higschool!well i shouldnt say hate but its weak. but i bet when you were here you made it years to remember. the other day omar was talking to me about you. saying that he remembers you and renata. haha...i miss you isaac! we all do. yesterday i saw uncle gerry destiny and jasmine at the mall. uncle gerry bought them all matching shoes! even he had them! you know how uncle gerry and his shoes are! hah! lol ! anyways im going through a rough time isaac! i need you here to help me! i dont noe what to do or whats right and whats wrong! hear my prayers! i dont noe what to do! im so confused and my mind us always in jumbles. i dont noe what to do! well the bells going to ring so im going to go eat! love ya isaac! see you in my dreams and hear you in my prayers...

fina

September 20, 2004