Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Nick,
Up until this point I have been unable to leave a reflection. I guess it is better late than never. Gavin and Kir are doing exceptionally well and I have to give Kir a tremendous amount of credit, she has been a great mother. Gavin is getting so big and he will be talking in no time (I am going to have to really watch my mouth). As I am sure you are well aware of, Gavin has your personality and resembles you so much.

These past seven months have been by far the worst that I have ever been through and I can't imagine how Terry, Chris, Kelly, Heather, and Kir feel.

There hasn't been a day that I haven't thought about you and I know for a fact that there won't be. I feel honored to have grown up with you, become such close friends, and the opportunity to work with such a great officer.

Steve, Gabe, Chris, and I will do what we can to help Kir and Gavin. I know that you already are doing it but watch over everybody because I don't want to go through this again.

You were and always will be like my little brother. I will always miss you.

September 1, 2004

Nicky K -
Today is 7 months since you were suddenly taken from us. I miss you so much. I know people have told us that the 2nd year is the hardest. I don't know how we will make it through. My niece Megan told James and me that she says her prayers to you every night. We got to see Gavin all weekend. Josh, Heather and Bobby spent the weekend at our house also. The boys are so funny together. They just make us laugh so much and are always giving us all hugs and kisses. Gavin loves to play with Heather's dog. The boys still like to run to the refrigerator and try to get snacks out whenever I open it just like they did when you were at my house on Christmas. There are so many things that Gavin does that reminds me so much of you. I know you are with us especially when we have Gavin. Thanks for always sending me a sign whenever I really need it. I still sometimes think that this is a horrible dream and that when I wake up you will still be here. I am so thankful for your friends that continue to check in with Dad, Mom, Heather and me. It means so much to have them call or e-mail and tell us stories about you that we didn't know or just to say hi! and see how we are doing. Please continue to watch over Dad at work.

Love you,
Kel

Kel
Nick's sister

August 30, 2004

Police officers are a family unlike any other, and though I haven't felt the pain that many of you are going through, you should all know that Nick will never be forgotten. I feel so sorry for your loss, and although there is absolutely no way to understand or justify to your surviving family and friends why this happened, I know, like my husband, Nick must have loved his job. May you have comfort in knowing that this officer left, doing the honorable duty he loved, and leaves behind a legacy not all of us can claim. He left behind a son, parents and a girlfriend who can truly refer to him for the rest of their lives, "a brave, selfless hero." Nothing can ease your grief, but know there will forever be a family here, that truly cared for Nick, even though we never got the honor of meeting him. God Bless you all, and I hope time will make your pain easier, but allow all your wonderful memories to become stronger.

nancy a. wife of a policeman
Riverview P.D.

August 30, 2004

Nick,
This has been a tough week. I have read all the posts numerous times and the ammount of love that people have for you is awesome. The streets have been more dangerous than usual for the past couple of weeks. Could you please watch over all the men and women working for a better St. Louis. Gavin and Kir seem to be doing well. That boy of yours is hard to leave, it seems that he is almost ready to put a sentence together. The words are getting more and more clear every day.
You were a good man and an excellent policeman. I am honored to consider you a friend. Every policeman would love to have had a partner like you! Partners for life, brothers forever!!!
Thanks for everything you did and continue to do for me.

August 29, 2004

Hey Nick, just checking in to say hi, and to let you know all your friends miss you. Sometimes the word "friend" gets taken for granted, however with you it stood for everything you are. At work sometimes for no reason at all I'll think of you or something you did, I guess that's your way of saying "hi" to all of us and letting us know that your ok. Thanks for being my friend Nick. Talk to you soon.

Vince

August 27, 2004

God Bless you Nick and watch over us down here as you did your city. You are in our prayers and will never be forgotten. Bless your family and fellow officers.

Officer
Annawan PD (Illinois)

August 24, 2004

Sloans,

I was just reading some of the reflections that you've all left for Nick and I have no shame in saying that there are tears falling down my cheeks. I can only imagine how hard it must be when you see certain things or when you spend special days together without Nick being there (other than in spirit).

I keep a flyer of Nick holding baby Gavin nearby, and I look at it whenever I think things are tough for me.

When Nick died my baby girl was six months old..she's my only child. Nick's death caused me to really really appreciate the time that I get to spend with her and I'm a better father because of it. For that I thank you Nick.

Police Officer
St. Louis Metropolitan PD

August 20, 2004

To the family of Officer Sloan,

I just read through Nick's reflections and I could feel the pain you are going through. I am so sorry for your loss. My brother, Detroit Police Officer Scott Stewart, was shot in the back of the head by a coward on August 11, 2002, and I know the pain you are dealing with everyday.

Everytime I hear of another officer being killed in the line of duty my heart goes out to the family. The tears keep flowing and there is nothing we can do to stop them. I want you to know that you are not alone in your grief. The following is a poem that my mom found, I think that is says it all:

A million times we've needed you,
A million times we've cried.
If love alone could've saved you,
You never would have died.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we love you still.
In our hearts you hold a place,
No one else will ever fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you didn't go alone.
Part of us went with you,
The day God took you home.

You are in my thoughts,
Andrea Arrington
[email protected]
Sister of Detroit Police Officer Scott Stewart
EOW 8/11/02

August 19, 2004

za4er453nrtyyyyyjubuhttghjjy
(Uncle Nick,
I miss you and love you so much. You are my hero. Take care of mama, papa, aunt Kelly and Gavin. I love you.)

Bobby
Nicks nephew

August 18, 2004

Hey Nick,
Things have been pretty hard. I miss you so much. I can feel you all around me, it makes me smile when I hear a song and I know its from you. Bobby and Gavin are getting so big. Bobby talks to you all the time. He is always saying uncle Nick. He misses you alot too. It has been almost 7 months since our world has changed. I can't explain the pain I still feel, I don't think it will ever go away. I think about you all the time. I love you and will always miss you. See you soon.

Heather
Nicks sister

August 18, 2004

Hey little brother-
I know that you are still with me everyday. Today I was having one of those awful days where I just wanted to stay in bed and pull the covers up. As you know, there is a lot going on in both mine & James's families right now. I hope we don't have to make anymore hospital trips this week. Just when I thought I had all that I could handle, the radio on my desk played the song that you sang at the last Owensville Fair that we were at with you. I haven't heard it for a long time but it made me smile and think of when you kept singing it and how much fun we all had. Bobby had a girlfriend at the fair this year. I was looking at the pictures that we have on the computer from the lake and we have pictures of the first time that Gavin & Bobby went fishing. Uncle Josh actually caught the fish and brought it over to the boat for the boys to see. Gavin touched the fish and thought it was funny. Bobby was standoffish at first and then he also touched the fish. When we went to the fair in Imperial Mom bought Gavin and Bobby their own fishing poles with their names on it. They were a stick with a wooden fish attached to it. The boys thought that was the neatest thing and carried them around. We did have to put them up because they thought it was funny to hit things with. I asked Mom if she has the picture of you when you were the boy's ages fishing and she is looking for it. I am going to stick to my promise that I made to you after Gavin was born. I will do everything in my power to make sure that your wishes are met. I miss our talks that we would have and you always made it seem like everything would always be o.k. Please continue to help Dad, Mom, Heather, Josh, James, Gavin & Bobby. The boys are what is really helping us try to get through this. It is now a little over 6 months since you left us and it still feels like yesterday. The pain is not getting any better. I miss you so much and I could really use one of those hugs from you right now.
Love you,
Kel

August 12, 2004

Nick,
Not a day goes by that I do not think of you and all your loved ones. I can not imagine all the pain they are going through right now. We all know the risks that go along with being a cop but it is not until something like this happens that anyone can understand the risk you guys take everytime you put on that badge. You truly are a hero to a lot of people, but you were a hero before January 30th. You were the way a true police officer should be. You were out there making a difference. Most importantly, you were also making a difference as a father, boyfriend, son and many other things. Gavin is a great kid, and Kirsten has been doing an amazing job at raising him. She will never let him forget about you either. You are still a big part of their lives and always will be. I'm sure you are keeping a close eye on them though. Keep watching over Kir, Gavin, and your family. They all still need you more than ever.
friend

friend

August 12, 2004

Thanks for being such a great friend to me. I cherish the times that we have spent together - growing up and going to school together, playing soccer, and just hanging out.

I really appreciate the last time I saw you a few weeks before your death - Becky and I were walking to the Blues game and by chance you were working and your car was stopped at the intersection that we were crossing. I feel very fortunate to have been able to spend those several minutes with you.

I still see your dad at the gym and I finally started talking to him and he actually remembered me. All of your friends miss you so much and we will never forget you. I miss you buddy.

Your friend,

NC

Nick C

August 11, 2004

Nick,

I miss you so much but I just want you to know that I really appreciate you watching over all of your family and friends. I wish you could be here with us. I think about you all the time and just want you to know that whenever all of us (our friends) are together, we always end up talking about you. Everyone is so proud of you and know what an amazing person you are. I am finally getting my NEXTEL that you always said I should get since I would always ask to call Joe on yours so that I could play around with the walkie-talkie thing. I went by the liquor store the other day by accident because I was trying to go somewhere and I apparently took the wrong way. I have no idea where I was, but I somehow ended up driving by the liquor store. I think about you and your family every day and I wish there was something I could do to make things a little easier for them. You are greatly missed and will always be remembered. I will talk to you later. We all miss you!

Tracie
Friend

August 9, 2004

I found this quote on the artist, Brian Andreas, website & I think it applies to all who were ever friends with Nick - -
"It is still so new & all we see is the empty space, but that is not how it is in the landscape of the heart. There, there is no empty space & he still laughs & grapples with ideas & plans & nods wisely with each of us in turn. We are proud to have known him. We are proud to have called him friend."

August 8, 2004

You'll be remembered forever

Louis
particular

August 4, 2004

NICK:

Mom and I love you very much. We both cannot wait to see you again.

See you soon......

DAD

DAD

August 2, 2004

Nick,

Your death has left a void in all of our lives. I have all of the materials from the funeral and subsequent events here in my home office and every few weeks I look through them and think about how wrong it is for you to have been taken from us.

On the one hand it seems that it was much longer ago than six months that I was on that lonely flight to Saint Louis trying to make sense of the tragedy. It was very gratifying to see all of various people that came to pay respects to the wonderful person they knew you to be.

On the other hand it seems like I got the call from Aunt Joan only yesterday. It still doesn't seem real in some aspects.

Nicholas, please help us all deal with the pain we feel. Especially help your mom and dad to get on with their lives as best as they can under these circumstances.

We love you!!

Uncle Tim

July 31, 2004

It has been six long and hard months for everyone. Keep watching over your family and friends. We all think about you each day. We miss you Nick!!

friend

July 30, 2004

Nick:

Six months ago today was when my life changed forever. I will never forget how I felt when I was told at work that two Police Officers were just shot at Taylor and Enright. After I tried to call you on the cellphone and you did not answer, I knew that you were involved.

I can not possibly tell you how much I miss you and love you. I have definitely not been the same since you suddenly left us. A part of me has been taken away and I am not a complete person anymore.

Tuesday of this week, Mom and I went to the cemetery to spend a few moments with you. As we were leaving, Mom said she wanted to go by the liquor store where you were shot. As I drove there, I began to feel sick to my stomach and had cold chills. Mom and I spent about ten minutes on the parking lot of the store. The front window of the store had a flower display that said something like, In memory of Officer Nicholas Sloan....

This was a very hard for Mom to do, but it was something that she had to do.

After I went back to work in March of this year, I went to the liquor store parking lot and sat there for about twenty minutes by myself. I know how hard this was for Mom to do. Six months later, I still get chills and feel sick to my stomach everytime I go by that location where you're life ended.

A lot of people don't understand how hard it is to lose a child. Mom, Kelly, Heather and I are going through something that I would never wish on my worst enemy.

Nick, I love you so much and I will see you soon........

DAD

DAD

July 30, 2004

Miss You!!

Love Always
Aunt Joan

July 30, 2004

Nick,
It has been 6 months since I received that heartbreaking call at work. Six months since that long ride to the hospital, knowing you were gone. I remember the first time I visited this website and I was surprised that you were the 10th officer killed in the line of duty. How could this be, it was only January! But today as I leave this reflection for you, I see that there have now been 97 officers killed in the line of duty this year. I grieve with their parents, spouses, friends, children, cousins, and yes, their aunts and uncles. I want to tell them not to worry, because their hero is safe and in a joyful place with my nephew Nick, just as I like to think that you were met by your brothers, James, Michael, Bob, Todd, Steve, and all of the others that had died heroically before you. I just miss you--plain and simple. I read notes from people that knew you, and I think how fortunate we all were to have you as our gift for the time you were here. I read notes from fellow officers who know you only as a brother in blue and I am glad that we can give them a glimpse into what you were about. I was talking to Heather the other day and we were talking about ice cream sandwiches made with chocolate chip cookies. She said that you once told her that life was too short to skip them. We both laughed because you really had the right idea about life and how to live it. I guess talent and good looks made it easier to achieve, but you never took the easy road, you just followed your excellent instincts and courageous spirit to get where you needed to be. Your family is in so much pain without you, I know you are watching over all of us, and I know that although you wish you could make all of the pain go away, you can not control all things in our lives. Continue to keep an eye on everyone, I know you are doing your best, you always have.
Loads of Love!

Aunt Teresa

July 30, 2004

Nick this website is a cool thing to have,somehow it's comforting. I feel like this an E-mail straight to you. Even though I didn't see or talk to you on a daily basis, knowing that I never can again hurts me every day. Everyone is just trying to get through however they know how. I hope that time has to heal in some way, but I don't know if I believe that. I want to tell you and every other police officer that ever reads this page how your death has affected the way I feel about cops. Even though Uncle Terry has been a cop for so long and then you, and then Josiah, I never thought to much into the danger or maybe I thought it would never be our family, I don't know. Anyway Uncle Terry was always fine, he had a few funny stories we would all get a laugh out of and that was about the most I thought about it. I now see that ALOT of people don't think much about the sacrafice you all make on a daily basis. Nicole , Josiah and I were at this party the other weekend and this friend of a friend's brother was in from out of town. At first he was cool we were just sitting around having a few drinks. Somehow the subject turns to policemen, this guy starts in on how some people just have to steal,or sell drugs because thats all they know and it's the only choice they have! Are you kidding me? Then he goes on to say some people just run from the cops because they are scared! If they haven't done anything wrong what exactly are they scared of? By this time things are starting to get a little heated and Josiah starts to get in on the conversation. The guy then tops off his views with "Look at the big deal they make when a cop is killed, What about the people police have killed." This guy was leaning on the railing of a deck, and I had a quick vision of me charging at him and knocking him over the edge. But I remained semi calm and explained to him. My cousin was just killed in the line of duty. This was a 24 year old father. He grew up in a loving family , nice neighborhood, basically could have done anything he wanted to. I would think this is kind of the same story for most cops. Nick CHOOSE to put himself into these neighborhoods because he wanted to help and make a difference. I have no respect for anyone who says they don't have a choice or anyone who trys to back them up! The guy backed off after that and was like "I hear what your saying". This conversation has just played over in my mind, it still pisses me off. Some people just don't get it. But you know if they ever need help you'll be the first they call. So Nick and every other cop I am forever greatful for the sacrafice you all have made. I swear everytime I see a cop, or a cop car drive by I want to give them a big hug or thumbs up or something. I just want them to know that I GET IT!. I know in my heart that a heros send off was probably exactly how you would have wanted to go. But I'm just ready for you to come back now! There is a sadness looming over everything we do. Thank God for the kids, they keep us all smiling! They are all talking like little adults. August 10th,we are all taking Skylar, McKenna, Bobby, and Gavin to see the "WIGGLES" they are gonna be so excited! I can't wait to see their faces! Watch over us all! I keep you with me always! love, Michelle

July 29, 2004

Dear Nick,
Today is your dad's birthday. Any other year you would have called at least a week ago and said "Hey mom, let's surprise dad this year by getting him this and then going out on the boat and then up to the fair." But this year our special days just are not the same with out you here with us. Also, this is the eve of the six month anniversary of your death. I guess with our birthdays falling on the 25th, 27th, 29th, 1st, and 3rd of different months, the 30th will always be there to remind us of your death. So many years of fun we all had together, so much heart break we have felt since your death. I just spoke to a woman tonight, her 20 year old son died three years ago. She told me that everyone told her that it get's better with time. She assured me that it does not. She said you take it day by day, hour by hour, minute to minute, and sometime breath to breath. She told me sometimes her husband sees her crying and he ask what happened, and she says "My son died." Some how parents never seem to be able to get over the death of their child. She said that they were a very close family also, her son had the best smile, and the best hugs. Her son loved sports and his name was Nicholas. I thought that was really a coincidence or did you have something to do with that? So many times when we need you we always feel you around or get a sign from you. Keep that up! We really need it all through the day and night. I can't stand the hurt any more! Some of your close friends have called us or come by to see us. You sure were a good son. You tried to help people all the time. You had a soft spot in your heart for those with problems and tried to help them. I wish the world would have more people like you. I guess I'll go for now. We hope to see Gavin this weekend. I know you must sit up there and laugh at him and Bobby together. They act like you and Heather together. Hopefully they will be friends for life like you and your sisters were. Last week I split the black olive from my salad between the two boys. Bobby ate his and Gavin made a face and spit it out. The girls started laughing. It reminded me of someone who would say, "Mom, just put those black olives on half the taco salad because they are disgusting." I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND A DAY!!!! Keep a watch over us. Dad says he knows you are with him at work . Kelly said last Saturday she asked Gavin if he wanted to go type Daddy a note on the computer. He said yes, ran over and touched your picture and went to the downstairs door so he could leave you a message. We will never let him forget you and what you did for him. Love, Mom

Mom

July 29, 2004

Nick,
I haven't been able to write to you lately because I haven't had a computer because I was in the middle of moving. I finally got to read the reflections that people have written over the past two weeks. I think of yo uevery day and I always will. I know you are always here because I can feel you always looking over me. I know that you are always with your family, Kirsten, and Gavin as well. I can't say this enough but I wish things could have been different on January 30th. There is this song that I listen to evryday that reminds me of you. It is called "Calling all Angels" by Train. This song lets me know that you are still taking care of all of us. I saw Kirsten and Gavin this week. He is so cute and smart and looks just like you. When Kirsten said it was time to go bye-bye, he put the key to her Jeep into the door to unlock it. He is so funny! I also talked to your parents the other day. I know things are still rough for them and it will be for a long time. Please keep watching over them and take care of them like you have been. They need you more than anything. I will talk to you later, Nick! I miss you!

Tracie

July 26, 2004