Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Nick,
This morning at 4:30 I was thinking about this being the day that marks eleven months since you were taken from us. I know that you are always here with me and we have many conversations that help me cope.
My heart breaks for the Schultz family. No parents should ever have to bury their child, especially the week before Christmas. Please help Brad adjust up there and help him with his family on earth. I know there were people who helped you through your transition.
I was so happy today when Heather called and told me about the angel and Bobby. I know it is another sign from you telling us to hang in there.
Love always, Mom

Mom

December 30, 2004

Hey Nick,
I can't believe today is 11 months since you were taken away from us. I still feel like it just happened yesterday. I can't explain how much I miss you. I would give anything, to have you back.
On the way in this morning, Bobby was looking out the window and saw an angel. He said, "Mommy look at the angel." I asked him what the angels name was. He said, "It's puppy." Then he laughed and said, "It's Uncle Nick, tell Gee-ma." I told him to tell you that I love you. He did and then he said, "I love you Uncle Nick." Then he proceeded to look out the window, and tell you the story of how he put the angel on Kelly's Christmas Tree. He loves you so much. It makes me so happy when you come to visit him. He will never forget you.
We love you and miss you so much. We will see you soon. Oh yeah, if I don't get a chance to write tomorrow, have a Happy New Year.

I love you lots,
Heather

Heather Claspill
Nicks sister

December 30, 2004

NICK:

Merry Christmas!!!

I hope you had a great time celebrating the Holiday. I wish you would have been here with us.

Mom and I spent some time at the lake and then we celebrated Christmas Eve at Heather's house. Thank you for the gifts that you and your sisters gave Mom and I. It took everything that I had not to start crying as I looked at the thoughtful presents. Mom and I are so blessed to have you, Kelly and Heather as our children. Both Bobby and Gavin help Mom and I get through yet another day.

Lot of things have changed since you were taken away from us almost eleven months ago. People have changed, work has changed, and everyday activities are not the same. It is amazing how you have been able to touch so many people during your short life.

I remember at the funeral parlor, a friend that you went to highschool with, told me that you helped him get through a tough time. He told me that you talked to him for hours and made a big difference in his life.

You are an amazing person...

I will love and miss you forever....

DAD

DAD

December 27, 2004

Nick - Hey,
You are probably getting tried of all of us talking about you calling on Christmas morning, but it meant a lot then and even more now. I remember answering the phone and a voice saying the familiar - Hey - Merry Christmas - sorry I couldn't be there last night, but I thought it would be better to let the guys with older kids be off for Christmas eve and then I can be with Gavin in the morning when he wakes up. Everybody thought you taking the time to call was so - "Nick like" and now it is one of the big things in our Christmas this year. I miss you so much, but I know you are always with us in some way and we will continue to keep you in our hearts and memories and share them with Gavin, Kirsten, Your Mom, Your Dad, Kelly, Heather, James, Josh and Bobby.

Love Always
Aunt Joan

December 26, 2004

Today is Christmas, and I was thinking a lot about last Christmas. I was doing my usual nothing, and suddenly the phone rang, and it was you. I was so happy that you called, we had all missed you at Joan’s Christmas eve. I remember thinking how wonderful it was that you called, I always figured you kids were too busy and had too many other obligations to call, and I really didn’t expect it. We talked for a while, mostly I remember you talking about how amazed that you were that there were men that could have spent the night before Christmas with their children, but chose rather to spend the evening in a bar or crack house. You talked about a family whose car was burglarized that night, and how sad that it was that they worked so hard to celebrate Christmas with their families, and it was interrupted by someone who only cared about himself. I remember how I felt, that you took the time to call your Aunt, when I realized that you had so many other people, much higher in the family pecking order, to visit and spend time with. In the following days, I spoke to other members of the family, and the first thing that everyone said was - Nick called on Christmas morning, and that they really enjoyed talking to you (you had been working so much trying to take care of your own family, that we really hadn’t seen a lot of you). The fact that you had called so many members of your family that morning did not de-value how I felt, in fact it was even better, because it confirmed at that moment, that you got IT--THE VALUE OF FAMILY. Family is an amazing thing--you don’t pick them, you get them by just being born, and they are a part of you for the rest of your life. They are made of the same components, same DNA, and as similar as they are to you, they are that different. Sometimes you understand exactly what they are saying just because you grew up with them, sometimes you don’t understand them at all, but you love them just the same because they are your family. I have always felt blessed to have such a great family, and although I never had children of my own, I always shared your Mom’s, Joan’s, and Tim’s pride in their wonderful children. I often thought that I didn’t have children because I could never have any as wonderful as all of you (it would be tough!) I get the benefit of gaining more nieces and nephews by getting to know and love the people that my nieces and nephews chose to share their lives with. I am also happy that I can share in the joy of my grand nieces and nephews, including your beautiful son, Gavin. Sometimes I’ll get a card from one of the “B” girls, or an e-mail from Kim, or a hug from Chris and Bryan, or I‘ll think about your sisters, and I just count my blessing again, I’m a lucky Aunt.

The phone rang this morning, and for just a moment I thought, “I wish it was Nick“, but I know that when I hear from you now it is through that tug on my heart--when I have another loving memory of you.

Merry Christmas!

Aunt Teresa

December 26, 2004

Nick,
Hey, how is Christmas in heaven? You would sing "Happy Birthday to Baby Jesus" when you were younger, but I guess it takes on a whole new meaning now!!! We made it through Christmas Eve but I cried all the way home when I thought about it being your half birthday on Christmas Day. (Only a mom continues to count half birthdays) We all love and miss you so much. We got Gavin and Bobby an ornament from you that was a little policeman and they both got you one that was a policeman snowman. They put them on the tree. When the boys get older, they can each take the two ornaments they got each year and they will have about forty ornaments for their own trees.
I remember you working last Christmas Eve and Day. I will always remember you telling me about feeling so bad that you had to talk to a man about his car being stolen. "Mom,can you imagine how sad that is that somebody would steal this guys car on Christmas and ruin his holiday." I knew how much you loved your profession, you did not feel bad for yourself having to work on the holiday.
Heather has a lot of pictures on her refrigerator. One picture was from last Christmas. We were all down at Kelly's house after you got off work and Gavin and Bobby were standing in the refrigerator "shopping" and talking to each other. It brought back a lot of wonderful memories. Other pictures were you helping Gavin open gifts. I wish those days were still here.
I thank God that we were able to spend last Christmas with you and that we had 24 wonderful Christmas Days with you before you were taken back home with God.
LOVE FOREVER AND A DAY, MOM

Nicks mom

December 26, 2004

Nick,
Merry Christmas. I love you and miss you so much. Nothing is the same this year. Last year at this time, the boys were opening their presents. They were so happy.
This year the boys got gifts from you. Josh's mom got the boys snowman police ornaments. Everyone is thinking of you. Everyone misses you so much. I hope you are having a great Christmas with Baby Jesus and all of the other angels.
Thank you for the songs tonight, I know you are here with us. I love you little brother. Merry Christmas.

Love you,
Heather

Heather
nick's sister

December 25, 2004

Merry Christmas Nick!
I remember last year you worked Christmas Eve and didn't get to come to my mom's and see all of us. So Christmas morning you individually called all of us and said "Merry Christmas",and that you were "Sorry you weren't there". At the time I thought that was sweet. Now that means the world to me. I will never forget that every Christmas morning for the rest of my life. I love you. Please pray for 2005 to be the beginning of some healing for our whole family.

Your Very Proud Cousin, Michelle

December 25, 2004

Merry Christmas Brother in Blue...

Patrolman

December 24, 2004

Nick-
Merry Christmas!!!! I am sure Christmas is really nice in Heaven. Give Grandma C., Grandpa S., Linda and Kevin hugs for me. I miss you so much. I really don't want to celebrate Christmas this year without you. James has really been great this year with Christmas. I haven't felt like decorating this year and he put up the tree and decorated it. He said that Christmas will not be the same here without you either but that we need to celebrate for the kids. I know that people keep saying that we should start feeling better but I still feel that horrible pain in my heart and it won't go away. Don't worry, Heather and I got Mom and Dad a great Christmas gift from all of us. They will get it tonight. I know that you will be with us tonight and tomorrow in spirit. I was looking at pictures and we have so many good ones of you from last Christmas. I love you so much little brother. See you soon, Kel

Kel
Nick's sister

December 24, 2004

Happy Holidays to the entire Sloan family, Nick's wife Kirsten and son Gavin.
My name is Branko; a few of us raised some money last year at our Superbowl Party as a tribute to Nick. It was an honor to meet Sgt & Mrs. Sloan, as well as Kirsten the day Rick Severino (STLMPD) made our introductions at my place of employment. I just came across this website for the first time and wanted to wish you all the best. We recently hosted a fundraiser for Officer Browning and raised 40k to help with his financial concerns. We find ourselves wanting to help anytime something happens to one of St Louis' finest. I do appreciate and respect all Law Enforcement Officers for what they do day in and day out. Nick, your Memory will be Eternal, very obvious by the postings here that you will never ever be forgotten. Good Luck Kirsten, it's obvious you are doing a great job with Gavin, you should be very proud of yourself.

Branko
St Louis

December 22, 2004

First off I want to say to the SLOAN family, God is with you and will comfort you in your every need. This is his promise. Nick I still hear the small, humble, soft voice of a bigger yet younger cadet saying to me in academy, "Why do you always have to explain things so long?" Then you would shake your head and smile. I seen you twice after we graduated and you gave the same head shake and smile. I would have never thought those two times would eventually be the last. But i know that your heart is still hear with us and that you where not just someone for the world to boast about, but GOD HAS A TRUE ANGEL IN HEAVEN!!! You will always be missed!

P.O. A.L. Anderson
SLMPD

December 21, 2004

Nick,

Happy Holidays! I wish you could be here with all of us to celebrate. Susie and Jayson had the annual Christmas party over the weekend and we all wish you could have been there too. Things are so difficult with Christmas, the new year coming up, and the day you were taken from all of us last year. I hurt every day because I know that Kirsten, Gavin, your mom and dad, sisters, and other family members are in so much pain. I really wish there were something I could do to take the hurt away from everyone, but I can't. Kirsten is doing a great job with Gavin and is being so strong through all of this. Kirsten showed us some pictures that Gavin just got taken and they are so cute! He is adorable and is growing up so fast! I know you are still with them and they are really going to need you right now. Please let them know you are still with them through Christmas and the new year. I wish you could come back and live the rest of your life like you had been. You are such an outstanding man and always put others first. You have done so much in the short amount of time you were here with all of us than I have or probably will do in my life. You are just an amazing and caring person who everyone misses too much to even show or explain. All of your friends will share stories with Gavin when he gets a little older so he can know how incredible you are. I will talk to you later! Please watch over everyone!

Tracie
Friend

December 19, 2004

Nick, and family:

Sitting here reading all these reflections is terribly hard, especially the ones from your family. As the red and blue lights start to light up the homes and trees for the holidays, we are not about to forget about the red and blue lights that you once displayed on the hard streets of STL. This is a very hard time of the year for your family I'm sure, but rest assured they are in good hands, because we as brothers will stand beside them and keep them strong. Your funeral was the first police officer funeral I had to attend, and I will not forget how hard it was to be there and see the emotion of your family, friends, brothers, and sisters. I know the pain is still there deep in the hearts of your family, but they sure seem to be in good spirits! Happy Belated Birthday lil' Gavin!! Nick....watch over us, and keep us safe from all the evil on the streets, you and your family is on our minds and in our prayers...Nick, Gavin, Michelle, Mom, Dad, Kel, Heather and all others....May Jesus continue to embrace you all, and stay in High Spirits...Lil' Gavin, I hope Santa spoils you this Christmas!!

Jennings

December 14, 2004

Nick,
I just messed up sending you a letter so forgive me if both show up. Today brought back all of the bad memories of January 30th. This morning I turned on the news to find there was "breaking news", a police officer had been in a fatal accident. It made my heart stop, it seemed all to familiar. Even though I knew Josiah was o.k. I still felt so sad. I could picture how that officer's family was feeling as they watched the news on what they thought was an ordinary day. I remember the day you were taken from us like it was yesterday. It seemed like time stood still as we figured out that you were the officer they were talking about. It was as if everything was going in slow motion. My first thought was it couldn't be "our" Nick because we just saw him last week at Bobby's party. I thought there must be some kind of misunderstanding because "our" Nick was young and healthy. You still had your whole life in front of you, Gavin had so much more to get to know about you. A part of us waited for you to call or come to the hospital to say you were fine and it was just a mix up. As we began to face reality we all knew that our lives would never be the same. My heart aches for the family of the fallen officer. Unfortunately your family and friends know all to well what they must be feeling. Their lives will never be the same again. Here our family is almost a year after you were taken from us, and we all still hurt so bad. Everyone says that time will heal, but we hurt just as bad as we did on that dreadful day. Nothing is the same since you passed away, everyone lost so much that day. I don't think any of your family or friends will ever be the same. Please be with everyone during the holidays, especially Kirstin, Gavin, and your family. I hope you are there for Kir and Gavin on Christmas morning as they have to wake up without you. I hope you give them some kind of feeling to let them know you are with them. I hope you know that you are missed every second of every day. We are tremendously proud of you and love you so much. I know someday we will all spend Christmas together again. We love you always Nick. Love, Nicole, Josiah, and Grant

Nicole-cousin

December 14, 2004

NICK:

I miss you so much. December 6 always meant a lot to our family. Holy Cross Parish would hold a St. Nicholas program every year. All of the children would gather in the gym after learning about St. Nick. In would walk St. Nicholas with treats for the good children and Rufus, dressed in black, carrying a bag of switches for anyone that was bad. Luckily, all of the children were good and received candy. You and your sisters enjoyed going to the program in your younger years.

We continued the tradition of placing one shoe from each family member by the front door in hopes St. Nick would stop by and leave a treat. When you were eight years old, I told you that you could play St. Nick since you were named after him. You would smile and wink, "Hey Mom, St. Nick is coming tonight." (Knowing that your sisters were unaware that you would be doing the honors.)

Gavin won't remember his first St. Nicholas Day because he was only two days old. Since Gavin was too young to have candy, God gave him a very special gift. I was able to take a picture and have a story to share with Gavin when he gets older. You called the hospital room and said you were finished with court and that you were going home to change clothes. A few minutes later, you walked into the hospital room and picked up Gavin. I asked you how you got there so fast, and you said, "I couldn't wait to get my hands back on my little guy." I snapped the picture of you in your uniform, lovingly looking down at your tiny son. Gavin's tiny face looked up at you as your two hands held him on your chest.

I think it was very symbolic that there was a shadow of your silhouette that connects a crucifix on the wall to your portrait. Gavin Nicholas Sloan will always have a connection to St. Nick -- the gift that came in size ten and one-half boots.

Love you always,

MOM

MOM

December 6, 2004

NICK:

As you know, Saturday, December 4, was the second anniversary of Gavin's birth. I know that you are so proud of your son, but also very sad, since you could not be here to hold and kiss him. I am sure that you spent the day with Gavin, in your own way, on his big day.

During the short time that you had to spend on earth with Gavin, you displayed all of the traits of a great father. The love that you gave to your son is something that he will never forget. Gavin knows that you will love him and watch over him forever.

Nick, sometimes at night when the house is quiet, I can hear you crying off in a distance. I wish that I could help you.

I will love you forever,

DAD

DAD

December 6, 2004

The day that you were buried, as the funeral procession slowly traveled through the streets of the neighborhood that you fought so hard to protect, a man stood, in the brutal cold, holding a sign that simply said, "Saint Nicholas". December 6th is St. Nicholas Day. I learned that St. Nicholas the Wonder-worker was very loving, generous, a champion of the downtrodden, would help people but was very humble about it, and most of all he loved children. Come to think of it, I think that man on the corner had the right idea! Happy St. Nicholas Day! Love always,

Aunt Teresa

December 5, 2004

Nick,

Over the weekend we all went to Kirsten's parent's house to celebrate Gavin's birthday. He is so cute and was so happy that it was his birthday! You and Kirsten have the most beautiful boy in the world! He is so big and always seems so happy. We all wish you could have been here to celebrate with us, but we know you were with us in spirit. Take care and help everyone through the holidays because it is not going to be easy for anyone. I'll talk to you later!

Tracie

December 5, 2004

Hi baby,
Well our little guy turned two today!!!! I can't believe he is already two years old. He is so beautiful. We both miss you sooooo much. I thank God everyday when I wake up to him spend the whole day with him and go to sleep with him, I could not do this without him. We are having a party at my parents house for him again. Everyones going to be there. Gabe, Brad, and Joe have been talking about last year to my dad for a couple weeks now. It is going to be so hard without you here with us this year. I am going to put a couple pictures up of you and G at the party. I know you will be there in spirit but, I think it will be nice to see your face anyway. Please be with G and I through the holidays we need you. I miss you so much. I want you to hold me again and tell me everything is going to be ok. I just hold on to our son and tell him every day that we love him and he is going to have the best life no matter what. This morning when g got up I sang happy birthday to him from both of us by your picture on the refrigerator. Then we kissed you and said we love you. I love you so much husband.
love your wife, Kir

December 4, 2004

I haven't left a message since shortly after the day it happened. It's not that I don't think of you, but I really don't know what to say that those who knew you far better than I have already said. Now the holidays are here and the first anniversary of the day that touched us all. It's going to be really tough on the family, Nick. I read the reflections left over the past year by everyone--your mom's thoughts break my heart. We'd drifted apart but I can remember visiting my Uncle Dave and playing with your mom and the other kids. We had our whole lives ahead of us then--who would have known? Please keep watch over us all.

Pat Carpenter
Nick's cousin

December 3, 2004

Hi Nick,
A friend of mine died today. And even though we had never met in person and only chatted via the internet - she will still be missed by me. It made me think of you and how hard it must be for your family to go on everyday without you. You have not been forgotten. Keep looking over Kir and Gavin, I know you are sending them your love.

A

December 2, 2004

Nick -
Today it has been 10 long months since the day we got our phone call. This is the worst pain I have ever felt.
I am so happy that we have Bobby and Gavin. They just make me laugh. I can't believe that they are almost 2 years old. They are both doing so many new things.

Keep sending us our signs!!!! They really help.

I love you forever little brother,
Kel

Kel
Nick's sister

November 30, 2004

Nick:

It has been 10 hard months. Everyone misses you so much! Keep an eye on all of us!

Tracie

November 30, 2004

Nick, May God bless you and your family and all of those affected by your passing. I pray that God will be the guiding light and the helping hand as your son grows. Daily, you sacrificed your life so that criminals would be locked up and people could live in a place where they wouldn't have to live in a drug ridden area. Your death was untimely, but your sacrifice will not be forgotten. May God Bless you.

Patrolman in Missouri

November 30, 2004