Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Kir, Family & Friends of P.O. Nick Sloan: My heart breaks each time I read another officer's reflection page. Nick, like so many other officers, was a brave man. Although I did not know him, I know that he served his agency well and made you all so proud. My sincere condolences to all of Nick's loved ones.

Kir~
I know what it's like to lose the love of your life--every day is an emotional struggle. I truly understand your loss and how you feel. Losing my Josh (E.O.W. 5/2/04) is the hardest thing to deal with. I think of you and of Jessi (Fiancee of Cole Martin) a lot. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please feel free to contact me if you ever want to talk.

God bless,
Kelly

Kelly Gillain
Special Someone to Deputy Sheriff Joshua Blyler E.O.W. 5/2/04

February 5, 2005

I was brought to this page by the murder of our friend. It brings tears to my eyes to see all of the families who have had to go through this together.
Your family especially has touched me tremendously. Everyday, I send my husband into harms way and I wish I could be there with him, protecting his every move, but I know that I can't.
I think God sent me to your page for a reason, to have you to look up to Kirsten. You have shown what it truly means to be a strong wife/fiancee/girlfriend of an officer.
Kirsten, I hope that I can be as strong as I have read you have been. Sometimes it is hard not to worry, it's hard not to think of the bad things that could happen.
God willing I will never have to go through what you have experienced. I think of your family and your loss often. It makes me try harder to be positive and supportive, and more willing to let God be in control of what happens.
I wish your family the best of luck.
Thank you.

An Officer's Wife

February 4, 2005

nick,
just wanted to say I LOVE YOU.
good night.

kir

February 3, 2005

To the Sloan Family,

I wore my “Supporter of Officer Sloan” t-shirt last night to the YMCA, and I wanted to let you know that several people stopped me to ask how I knew Nick and to express their sympathy. Unfortunately, I never had the opportunity to meet Nick in person, but I wear the Supporter of Officer Sloan t-shirt with pride. I never thought I would have a bumper sticker on my car, it’s just not something I have ever done – however, now I have two: a Supporter of Officer Stanze sticker and a Supporter of Officer Sloan sticker. I’m still amazed each time someone approaches me about those stickers, but I am proud to say that Bobby is my cousin and, although I never met Nick, I am proud to support him and his family as well. Police Officers are some of the most courageous people in the world and I want everyone to know that they have my support.

Words cannot express how deeply sorry I am for your loss, there is no way to describe those kinds of feelings, but know that your family is in my thoughts and prayers each day. Please know that Nick will never be forgotten...

Juli Stanze-Burton

February 2, 2005

Nick,
Today is groundhog day. It really has a very sad meaning to me. It is the day that your Uncle Kevin died 29 years ago. You never were able to meet him. Kevin was my younger brother who had a lot of the same qualities and characteristics as you did. Kevin was only 19 when he died of cancer. I still can't believe both of you were taken from the family so young. I hope you and Kevin are helping Grandma. I feel so bad for Grandpa----first losing a son, then losing his wife, and now a grandson--it hardly seems fair. I like the idea that Norie Haas has about birthdays in heaven instead of anniversary date of your death. Norie lost her son Brian in the line of duty on 4/24/04. I am looking forward to meeting her. I love you so much and miss you every minute of every day. I pray that you help us. I know that you have answered a few of my request and that other request will take a little time. Keep giving us all signs. Please give everybody that we know a hug and a kiss. Love, Mom

mom

February 2, 2005

KIR~
After our conversation tonight, this made me think of you:

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

I know that Nick gave you enough love to get you and Gav through all this. Love you!!

Jessi Garger
Fiancee of P.O. Cole Martin E.O.W. 4/25/03

February 1, 2005

NICK:

The past four days have been very tough for Mom, Kelly, Heather, Bobby, Kirsten, Gavin and I. This was definitely a time to be spent with friends. No one wanted to be alone.

Friday evening, Mom and I attended a candlelight vigil across the street from where that tragic day began one year ago. The group of Police Officers, friends, citizens and community leaders paid tribute to your dedication to the community and the citizens of St. Louis.

Saturday, our family, including Gavin, spent the afternoon with neighbors and friends. Bobby and Gavin were definitely the center of attention, as they always are.

Sunday, Mom and I packed up the car and drove to the cemetery to spend time with you. A short time later, Gavin and Kirsten, and about fifteen friends arrived. For the next two hours, everyone was able to forget about their personal problems and dedicate this time to you. Everyone hugged and began telling stories concerning events that have happened both on and off duty during your short police career. Everyone laughed, even though everyone felt like crying. Gavin was running, falling and playing in the snow and mud. He had a great time. Gavin then decided to take a break and sit in our car with Mom. He then realized that the car is equipped with a horn. He then began to honk the horn and laugh as loud as he could. I am sure that you were looking down on this group of your family and friends and you were also laughing. As people began to leave, Kirsten hugged Mom and I, and thanked Mom for arranging a group of photographs for everyone to see as they visited you. These kind words meant a lot to Mom and I.

Heather, Bobby, Josh, Kelly and James then arrived at the cemetery. They were at Fenton Park to look at a tree that was recently planted in your memory. Everyone in the community wants to do something for you. The rest of the day was spent with friends.

Monday, we all attended Mass at St. Gabriel's Church in your honor. A large group of Police Officers, friends and citizens attended the ceremony. As I looked at Heather and Kelly sitting in the pew at church, I could tell how proud they are of you. I carried Bobby with me to receive Communion, and he wanted to know why Father Burgoon did not give him a cookie. Near the end of the service, Mom talked to the congregation and thanked everyone for everything that they have done for us over the past year. She also stated how great of a son, brother, father and friend that you are.

Nick, I will probably retire from the police department in about three years. It is a job that I love, as I know you did. After I am gone from the job, if someone says, "Terry Sloan who?", that is fine with me. I hope that five, ten, fifteen years from now, a young Police Officer doesn't say, "Officer Nick Sloan who? Don't know him, never heard of him."

I love you Son, and you cannot believe how much I miss you...

DAD

DAD

February 1, 2005

"416" never forgotten!

January 31, 2005

416 416 416 I have seen so many signs from Nick over the past year and the past few days, it is just simply amazing that he can still be present, but yet not physically be here with us on this earth. He is so alive in our hearts and thoughts, memories, dreams and in spirit. My grandma died 2 days before Nick did, and he called my sister to thank her for babysitting Gavin the day before and to let her know that he was sorry to hear about our grandma's death, he also told her that she is such a great friend and that him and Kirsten really appreciate everything she did for them by watching Gavin that week. About an hour or so later, we were getting ready to leave the hotel room to attend my Grandma's Wake, 4 hours north of St. Louis, and Tracie got a phone call from one of her buddies saying...did you hear about Nick....He was shot and killed! Tracie just shouted, "Nick ... which Nick, NO NO NO NO .... Oh my God!" The look on my sister’s face and the reaction she had just shocked me and scared me. She was trembling and then tears just busted out of her face and she buckled over like she was gagging or getting ready to puke. We didn't know what or who it was, everyone knew we were out of town so I knew it was bad, since everyone knew our reason for being out of town. Julie, my mom and I were wondering what was going on and Tracie said "Nick Sloan got shot and killed he got shot in the heart!" I felt like I was going to puke. I couldn't believe it! It was like I saw a ghost, as did the rest of us. We were literally leaving out the door and then got the news about Nick, so when we drove over to my grandma's wake we were just so blank and numb and just blah, dazed just nothing. I know I was so angry that something like that could happen to such a sweet, cute, shy, caring, awesome guy. Why...Why...Why Nick Sloan! We didn't really know too many details because we didn't get the St. Louis news up there, and Tracie talked to Kirsten (Nick's Girlfriend and Mother of their Child Gavin) about 1/2 hour before we got the terrible sad news and she didn't say anything to her about Nick because she didn't want to give Tracie anymore bad news. It has been really tough to see my little sister and all of her close friends hurt so much. Nick, Tracie and Kirsten's group of friends are so tight and so caring and loving they are like a little family, many of which are little brothers or sisters of my Class (93) or older, so we are all connected in some way and blessed by their group and how their loyalty and love is so strong for each other. My whole family knows the Sloans. They moved in our subdivision in the 80's and I remember when they moved in, I was so excited that there were 3 kids. I wanted to meet these kids because maybe they were old enough or not too too old or young to play hockey, war, kickball, tar tag, baseball and all the fun games we played in the "dead end" street. YES! they were, except for Kelly, she was a little, not too much, older, and that was cool because she was a cool "older" person and she could baby-sit. One time I went down the street to the Sloans to see if someone could play, and I saw Nick and his cousin and Heather...HEY... out on their driveway just sitting around and stuff. Their cousin was sitting on this Metal type tractor and we got to talking, and he had a broken arm, so I asked him how he hurt it, he said "I fell down the steps and broke my arm." well, to me he had a little southern accent and it sounded a lot like "Aw feel deeyown the steeyeps in broke mah erm" and I repeated it that way to him, not making fun of him, but in a cute way, because I felt so sorry for that cute little boy, we all busted out laughing when I repeated that to him. That same little guy did something else funny too, he had the tractor set up like he was fixing it and my sister and I asked him what was wrong w/ the tractor and he said "my engine's overheated" again, with his cute little southern accent it sounded like this "Ma eeeenjins uver heeeeeted" and we laughed and laughed because he sounded so cute and he was just like a little man, saying older adult talk in his cute southern kid voice. So, over the years.....Every single time I see the Sloans I always ask about their cousin with the "engine overheated" and "I fell down the steps and broke my arm" in the cute southern voice he did, we would always laugh and laugh and laughed so much I remember Nick and Heather just busting out in tears of laughter. I hope you heard me Nick, at your funeral gathering, I haven't seen HEY in years and I needed a laugh or a smile just to bring some kind of happiness to my life, but I saw your sister and said our 2 sayings and she did laugh and smile. I will never ever ever forget that. I will keep saying it forever too. I have one more thing about Nick. We went downtown for my sister's 21st b-day I think it was, and of course there was some girls piping off, and there was almost a girl fight and I think a guy fight or something along those lines, either someone hit Nick or he stopped the fight or ended the fight or stopped Tracie from fighting, who knows, I just know he was the Good Guy. I had my JEEP with me and I offered to take my sisters and some of their friend’s home. Well, my jeep was always messy, & I just throw all my junk in it and that specific week, my fiancé Bill, Union Carpenter, had borrowed my jeep and he had some of his construction gear in the back of my jeep still. Well, Nick got stuck sitting on a hump of junk in the back part of my jeep and half way home he says, from his innocent quiet sweet little self, "Peeeeewwwwwwww, something stinks like a fart back here! What is that?" Bill forgot he left his Construction Pouches in my jeep and they were wet from the rain we had all week and they were pretty stinky. Bill apologized and he said "Sorry about that, those are my pouches" Nick had this look on his face like "what the heck?" and he says "Pouches?" which sounded a little like his southern sounding cousin, "Paowwwwoo chiz?" and we all just cracked up! and we said not "Paowwwwwooo Chiz" .. "Pouches" and Bill explained what pouches were and why there was a little smell. His tool belt pouches were leather and wet leather stinks. I felt so bad for Nick, he is so sweet and here he was just trying to get a ride home and he has to be in the car with wet leather pouches. We all laughed and had a good time with the "Pouches" story, and we still do to this day. My sister’s friends are so amazing. Every one of them will do anything for each other and their families. Everyone of them joke around with me, attend Cardinal games and Blues games together, go to local pubs and social gatherings together and it is just a really good tight close bunch. Nick's spirit lives on and his group of friends are so fantastic and just wonderful, I think they are one of the big reasons why we are able to deal with this tragedy and still be able to somewhat cope and deal with what God gave us. I ask God every single day for a sign or something just to let me know that Nick, my Grandmas, Bill's Grandpa & Grandma, Chris LaRocca, Ron's brother, Ernie Blackwell, Bridget's Baby, and all of the other 28 people who I knew that died last year in 2004, are doing good and that they know that I am always praying and thinking about them. I never really knew to ask for a "sign" until my friend Judy said it helped her out and I tried it and I got them from everyone that has passed and it is just so awesome. I hope Gavin will someday read all of the comments and stories about his daddy someday because he really was a Saint! As we drove in his funeral procession, we went through his district, which was like nothing I have ever seen in my life, (rough, poor, run down, crime infested, a lot of corruption and crime on these streets)and every side street was blocked off for Nick, many people were flipping the middle finger to every car that passed, or using their fingers and hands as a gun and laughing, some were spitting and cussing and being very rude and crude, then there were a rare few, that showed appreciation for what Nick and his fellow offices that are trying to better this area of St. Louis. One gentleman held up a cardboard box that read, "St. Nick, another read, "never forgotten". It was really nice to see that in that kind of horrifying neighborhood, that there were those who believed in Nick and appreciated him. You can tell he was well known throughout the community for his dedication to making it a safe and viable environment and they were very sad to see such a loyal person go, under the circumstances. I always request the song "Beer for my Horses" on WIL for Nick because in the song it says "We've got too many gangsters doing dirty deeds We’ve got too much corruption, and crime in the streets
It’s time the long arm of the law put a few more in the ground Send ’em all to their maker and he’ll settle ’em down" Gabe and Nick were able to send a drug dealer to the ground. I thank every law enforcement agency and serviceman for keeping our city and country safe everytime I see one. They risk their life to save ours, I really appreciate all that they do and may God bless all of you.

Stephanie Werton--Toeniskoetter To Be

January 31, 2005

GOD BLESS YOU IN YOUR FIRST YEAR IN HEAVEN .

MAUREEN ROLNIAK (DET ROLNIAK EOW 2-4-4
RIVERDALE POLICE

January 31, 2005

Nick~ It does not seem like it has been a year since you past away. Gavin has changed so much. We all went to your and Kir's house Sunday and Joe put together a video of you, Kir, and Gavin. It is unbelieveable how much he has grown. I am sure you are watching him though, and probably laughing at all the cute things he does. He lights up the whole room when he comes around. You have to smile when you see him, no matter what kind of mood you are in. He has helped many people through the year.
Kirsten is doing well also. The past few days have been rough on her, but somehow she continues to smile. She is rolling with all the punches that come her way. It amazes me how strong she is. She has faced so many challenges this year, but never allows anything or anyone to get her down. She definitely carries you with her Nick. I think that is where some of her strength comes from. She loves you so much, and you will always, always have a place in her heart. And I guarantee she will always have a place in yours too.
You must be proud of all the people who have went above and beyond to help Kirsten and Gavin. It must be nice to know that you left them with people who truly love the both of them. So many people deserve recognition. Gabe, Steve and Hoosier are always watching Gavin and helping around the house. Joe has really stepped in and helped also. He always makes a point to come by just to make sure they are okay. So many people have been there for Kirsten, and will continue to be.
You are missed by so many people Nick. It has been a year and your memory is still strong in all of our hearts. I don't expect that memory of you to ever fade. Help us all through the next year.

friend

January 31, 2005

Dear Nick,
A year ago I didn't know how Kirsten would ever make it, but she is a strong woman. You chose a wonderful person devote your life to and have a son with. Gavin is growing into a neat little boy. Everything Kirsten does is for the good of your son. Always concerned about what you would have wanted. He is a little carbon copy of you and will carry on your legacy proudly. Kirsten has been through a lot this past year, but she has come through it and her and Gavin will continue to make you proud.
All of your police buddies have been there for Kirsten and Gavin, just like you would have been for them if the tables were turned. And your friend Joe has been such a support for Kirsten and Gavin. He and his family are always there for them. He is kind of the silent person who is willing to teach Gavin how to build a snowman, play with Bella, always there if they need anything. He is a good guy and nothing is too much for him.
Nick, you made some really good choices during your short life. Kirsten is a wonderful mother and Joe has been a really good friend to your family. May you rest in peace knowing what good hands you have left Gavin in.

Carlene and Lt. Bob Rothrock

January 31, 2005

Nick,

I can't believe it has been a year. It seemed like yesterday that I was chasing you around the track when we went through the academy. I want you to know that not a day goes by that I don't think about you. In a way, I will always be chasing you. You were an inspiration to me then and will forever be for the rest of my life. I only knew you for but a brief moment in time. But thats all it took. Even in those early days you showed me what it meant to be a police officer. Now you sit by the side of my two partners Mike and James. Your in good company I know. But I miss you guys so damn much. In May, I got to meet Gabe when we went to DC. I talked to him about you and what an honor it was to know you. I will try to go again in May to honor you my brother. It has been hard to know how to feel about this job when we've lost so much so fast but making the trips and talking to friends and family seem to help. I know you will be watching over your family and seeing them thru this time. Keep fighting for us up there.

Your friend, Aaron Class 1-01

PO Aaron Stagner
SLMPD

January 30, 2005

To all of Nicks family

There are no words to say how sorry we are for your loss of your son, friend, boyfriend, brother and most of all the best father in the world to precious Gavin. May you always know he is with you everyday and that he is proud of all of you and loves you very, very much! God bless you all.

A friend of Nicks sister

January 30, 2005

On behalf of the men and women of the Virginia State Police, we extend our condolences to the members of the St. Louis Police department and the family of Officer Nick Sloan.
It is in his memory that we continue on.

Senior Trooper
Virginia State Police

January 30, 2005

To Officer Sloan's family:

I would like to send my condolences to Nick's family and friends. I have found out today that I will be riding in Nick's honor during the upcoming Police Unity Tour in May. I would like to learn more about who Nick was.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

M.J. Bauman

Officer Michael Bauman
James City County Police Department, Virginia

January 30, 2005

Nick,
It has been one year since you were suddenly taken from us. Some days it still feels like yesterday because we still have so much pain in our hearts. Other days it feels like forever since we have been able to have that wonderful hug from you or to talk to you in person. We know that the day that you left you took a part of each of our hearts with you. You are the most awesome and wonderful daddy to Gavin, the world’s greatest son, the best & most protective brother that anyone could ever ask for and world’s most caring uncle. We just want to thank you for all of the signs that you continue to show us everyday. There are so many memories that we have of you that no one can ever take away. We will have to rely on the memories, pictures and the signs that you continue to give us to try to get us through the rest of our lives until we can be with you again.

Love forever and a day,
Gavin, Dad & Mom
Kelly & James
Heather , Joshua & Bobby


To everyone who has supported us in the past year –
We are so very thankful to you for every prayer, kind word, story about Nick, card and everything else that everyone has done to try to help us get through this first trying year without Nick.

January 30, 2005

Nick,
Well, today is one year since you were taken away from us. It has not gotten any easier for us. We all miss you so much.
This year at Bobbys party you were missed a lot. Bobby loved his gift from you, he plays with it all the time. A couple of days ago, Bobby was painting pictures and said one was for you. He wants to take the picture to you, so we will put it at the cemetery today. He misses you so much. He loves to look in his baby book, at the picture of you holding him. He talks about you everyday.
I've thought a lot about how I could honor you. I know I would have to do something you believed in and something that would make you proud of me. I have decided to workout and eat healthy. I have been committed to the "Nick Lifestyle", as I call it, for two weeks so far. I am proud to say, I have lost six pounds so far. I know each day that I am making you very proud. That is what keeps me going.
I love you and miss you so much. I wish you were still here. If I could bring you back, I would do ANYTHING.

Love your very proud sister,
Heather

Heather
Nicks sister

January 30, 2005

l;/gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggmkln p0pp/ppppppp'p\[g
(Uncle Nick,
I love you and I'm sorry Uncle Nick.
Love, Bobby)

Bobby
Nicks nephew

January 30, 2005

Hey Nick, I really wanted to come home this weekend so that I could go to the mass that is being held in your honor, but I have a meeting to go to here at school. I would have skipped it, but the meeting is for the Little Brother Little Sister program and I am the campus coordinator. I also got to thinking and realized that these children really need someone, and hopefully I can help. When you are being a positive influence its best to start early. So as much as I wanted to be at the service, I decided that you wouldnt be upset if I stayed at school to help some kids out. Rest In Peace.

Kari
Nicks Cousin

January 30, 2005

To Officer Sloan's Family,

My thoughts are with you as you remember Nick, his death, and how your lives were forever changed, one year ago today. Many have tried, but I have yet to accept their explanation of why, and don't know if I ever will. I hope to meet you in D.C. this May.

Norie Haas
Mother of Brian Haas
E.O.W. 4/24/04

January 30, 2005

My thoughts are with your family on this day. Rest in peace.

CBP Officer
US Customs/DHS

January 30, 2005

Nick,

It has come to that terrible day that you were taken from all of us. I miss you so much and I know everyone else does too. I don't even know where to start. I talked to you one year ago today around 11:00AM. You called to see how I was doing since my grandma just passed away, two days before you were taken. I didn't answer my phone because I was in Applebees eating lunch with my family. I called you as soon as I got your message, and that was the last I had spoken to you. I REALLY wish things could have been so different on January 30th. You are such an awesome friend and I cherish our friendship. You and Kirsten were the first people I called when I found out about my grandma. You were both there for me and I will never forget that. I hate that I heard the news about what had happened to you when I was walking out to my grnadma's wake. I didn't know which "Nick" EJ was talking about. (We have a lot of Nick friends). I did not know how to react, and I still don't know how to react. I know you give your family and Kirsten guidance as much as you can. Gavin is the cutest boy in the world!!! I know Kirsten is going to have her hands full as he gets older because he is a handsome little boy!

You were a great friend to me and you always will be. I could talk to you about anything in the world and you always had some advice for me. I love the fact that your family decided to move to Fenton, because you and I were neighbors. I remember going to grade school, junior high school, and high school together. We always hung out together and we were always there for each other. You are such a GREAT friend! I remember coming over to the "blue" house, we don't need to talk about those memories. I remember coming to your house for bonfires and get togethers all the time. You always had a smile on your face and you were always so positive about everything. I, along with all of your other friends, will share these memories with Gavin as he grows up. He looks just like you.

I went to the liquor store on Friday night with Julie. I am planning on going up there today to leave some flowers so people can always remember you. I know it is hard for your parents, sisters, and Kirsten to go there. I will leave them for all of them, too.

It is so sad that you are not here every day, but this day is extremely hard. We are all going to get together so we can all be there for each other. I know you will be there with all of us. Please help ease the pain for Kirsten, and your family as this day is going to be very hard for them. We will also be going to a memorial mass for you on Monday. You will never be forgotten!! You have served the community and have touched so many people's lives. Keep helping all of us to make the right decisions. I will do my best to be there for Kirsten, Gavin, and your family in the best way that I can.

I was reading your reflections the other day, and someone wrote about how this shouldn't be looked at as the anniversary that you were taken from us, but as your first birhtday in Heaven. I agree with that person and I will be with you on your first birthday in Heaven. I miss you and I will talk to you later. Can you please say hi to my grandma; she had her first birthday on Friday. I miss you and take care of all of us like you have been.

Tracie
Friend

January 30, 2005

hey baby,
it's been a year. my god it seems like yesterday. i don't even know what to say. i never though it would be this bad. gavin and i have had a really rough week. lets just say it involves major dark circles under our eyes. we miss you so much. words can't even describe how we feel every morning when we wake without you. i am doing everything i can to get us through this. lots of support and late nights talking have made us through it so far. there are a lot of bad things going on around us. very many people need your help. i know you will be there. i close my eyes everyday and wish that when i open them you are going to be there. i know this is not the life you had planned for us. we know you will always be with us. gavin is so beautiful. i look at him all the time and cry. he thinks i am nuts but thats ok someday he will understand why. i want you to hold me and tell me all is ok. i lay down with gavin at night and just hold him. i feel you when i hold him it makes me very happy. i love you with everything i have in my body and don't worry i will always be yours ha ha!!!! i am proud of you and i love you.

kjcvz mnji908u7SSS jn jj43wn n kj4t4398. gavin loves you very much. forever and ever and ever. he tells me he misses you. i always tell him about the little things you used to say and do to him he laughs and says that he remembers, god i hope he does. hold us tonight when we go to sleep.
love you nick, love you daddy
kir and gg

kirsten and gavin
nicks girfriend and our son

January 30, 2005

One year ago my friend Megan called me to tell me about the horrible accident and your death. I didn't know you but I remember feeling very sad for your family.

I have since met Kirsten and Gavin and love them as if they are family. Kirsten I want you to know that you are in my prayers right now sweetie. I'm praying that God gives you the strength you need to get through these hard days. If you need a friend I am here for you. Just give me a call and I am there. I am so glad that I met you this year and will be here for you.

Love,

Amanda M.
Friend

January 30, 2005