Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

I haven't looked at this site for along time, but today is Father's Day, and spending it with my son, not one minute went by without thinking about you, Kir, and Gavin. I hope all is well! I live in DC now, and hope that I can see your collage at the wall before it is taken down. Hope it is not too late. I'm sorry that you had to leave us so soon. Please look over all of the officers that protect us, and our troops over seas, not to mention Donna. Even if she is my older sister, I still worry about her. She always told me how nice of a person you were, and I'm sure she misses your conversations in the 6th District about our high school days. Thanks for always asking about me! You are in our prayers and I'll make sure my son knows all about you. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.
Chuck Kettenacker

Friend, and Brother of a STL City Office

June 20, 2005

Nick-
Hey little brother. Happy Father's Day. As you know, you will be an uncle for the second time in February. Thanks for all of our talks. I know that I was getting down because James and I wanted more than anything to be parents and it just didn't look like it was going to happen. You told me to wait until after Washington. I thought that you were just trying to make me feel better and then it really was true. I can promise you that I will take what I have learned from you and use it with our baby. You are the greatest father to Gavin. It really made me proud to see you with him and the way he became the most important person to you.

James and I picked up Gavin on Friday night and we took him up to the lake. He was so excited to see everybody. He was dancing to the songs in the car and said "Daddy's in heaven. I love you daddy." He also has to wear his sunglasses in the truck. He had a lot of fun at the lakehouse. Gavin and Bobby are so cute together. We were just missing you at the lake to make everything perfect. Josh and Heather took Gavin home on Saturday. When I went to take Gavin to Josh's truck, he said "Kelly, I'm going to ride in Josh's hemi" He is so funny all of the time. He always gives all of us hugs and kisses and tells us that he loves us and he will see us next time.

Thank you so much for being there with Dad on Saturday night. When he had his accident, it could have been so much worse. You must have been there with him. We were told that he was really lucky. We took him to the emergency room and he has a fractured shoulder, elbow and ankle. He also has sprains on his hand and other ankle. I am just so grateful that Dad is still here with us. Keep watching out for everyone.

I love you forever and always,
Kel

Kel
Nick's sister

June 20, 2005

Hey Nick! Happy Father's Day. I know you are always with Gavin and you always will be. Make sure he knows you are with him today. You were a great daddy and always will be. Take care and keep watching over all of us! I'll talk to you later.

Tracie

June 19, 2005

Nick
Just wanted to say Hi on Father's Day -Gavin looks and acts like you more and more every day.

Love Always
Aunt Joan

June 19, 2005

As long as I have known you, there was something special about you...a light, bright as the sun, that was able to illuminate even the darkest days. The first moment I saw you after you died, its the first thing I noticed, your body looked the same, but that light was gone. Maybe it was your beautiful soul that fueled that light, and it had left your body to make heaven that much brighter. I'm so glad that you and Kirsten made your beautiful son, Gavin. He has it too, the light, and he can also brighten an otherwise dreary day. I'm certainly glad that you and Gavin were able to spend 13 months together. Like everything else you did in life, you were able to pack more fathering into those 13 months than many people could fit into years. I miss you, Happy Father's day!

June 18, 2005

I love you and miss you so much.

Heather
Nicks very proud sister

June 17, 2005

You will always be in our hearts and your memory will always live on!!!!!

June 16, 2005

Just thinking of you!Love, Michelle

Michelle
Nick's Cousin

June 14, 2005

"Mourning is not forgetting... It is an undoing. Every minute tie has to be untied and something permanent and valuable recovered and assimilated from the dust."

~Margery Allingham

June 12, 2005

Nick--I just wanted to tell you that I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being my friend. Thank you for accepting me into your life because of the simple fact that I am Kirsten's friend. Thank you for letting me come to your house on an almost daily basis and for listening to me and Kirsten babble on and on and on...like you used to make fun of us for. It is because of you and Kir that I have the life I have now and that I met Barner. You really are an amazing person and I am saddened by the fact that there are people in the world that never met you. If I eer have a son, I hope to God that he is at least half the man, father, loving boyfriend, son, father,brother, and friend that you were to everyone. You have no idea how terribly everyone misses you. It seems like a weight is dragging down everyone's shoulders since you were taken. I know that you wouldnt want everyone to be sad, but there is a definate absence where you used to be. I never fully realized that magnitude of your friendship or the importance you had in my life until it was too late. I miss you and I want you to know that I love you not only because you were my friend but for who you were and for what you did for Kir and Gav. Please continue to watch over them and make sure that they are happy.

Jessi

June 10, 2005

Nick,
This weekend we had Gavin on Saturday and a little of Sunday. He is so cute. He looks just like you. Bobby and Gavin had the best time playing, they went swimming and rode there bikes. They are so cute together.

I have to thank you again for coming and talking to Bobby. This weekend when Bobby was going to bed, he said goodnight to you(like always), but instead of telling you he loved you, he said "I Love You Too Uncle Nick". I know you were there and told him that you loved him and he was answering you back. It was so sweet and made me feel so good.

Again thank you for everything you have helped us with and given to us in our lives. We miss you and love you so much.

Love you,
Heather

Heather Claspill
Nicks very proud sister

June 8, 2005

NICK:

This morning I drove up to Jefferson City to drop off some paperwork for a grant at work. During the drive, I was listening to a CD that Josh made with eleven songs in your honor. I wonder what people thought as they drove past and saw a full grown adult crying like a child.

I am always thinking of you. I love and miss you very much.

I wish I could have been there to help you, so things would have been different on January 30, 2004.....

Your very proud father.....

DAD

June 7, 2005

Nick,

Thank you for everything that you have helped us with.
Love you forever and a day,
MOM

June 6, 2005

Nick,

I met Gavin for the first time last night. What a HUGE bundle of joy that kid is(and a wild bundle too). He kept Bobby busy all night! Thanks for letting everyone in your family share with us, they have been a HUGE help.

Tell Scott we say hi.

May god bless those of us who protect.

Stay safe!

Po Matt Barthelmass
Eureka Police Dept, Mo

June 5, 2005

Nick,
I miss you so much. You know how much we all loved and will always love you. As time goes on the pain seems to increase rather than decrease. I know you were in Washington. I will never be able to thank all of the people that made the trip an experience of a life time. So many officers from all over, many that volunteered their personal time off to make the events very special.
One of the events that we attended was the Police Unity Tour.
We did not know too much about the tour until that day. The Police Unity Tour was founded in 1997 and raises money for the National Law Enforcement Memorial which relies on private donations. When the ride started it had only 18 riders and were able to raise $18,000 for the memorial fund. In 2004, the tour had over 500 riders and collected $600,000. In the past eight years, they raised over $1.5 million dollars.
Law enforcement officers from all over the country donate their time, along with generous sponsors have been able to etch over 16,000 names on the wall so that these officers will never be forgotten.
This year 262 officers (each officer had to raise a minimum of $1500) rode their bicycles approximately 300 miles together over four days and ended at the memorial wall. It was so unbelieveable as they crossed the finish line. We were able to meet the three officers that rode in your honor. I can not imagine how much time and preparation each officer went through to be able to ride in this event. Many officers had family and friends waiting for them to arrive at the wall. All of the officrs had a big smile as they crossed the finish line.
We were able to learn a lot of things in Washington. The thing that impressed me the most was the love and caring that we all experienced. So many people donated so much of their time to make this event special for those left behind by their fallen officers. Please watch over every one.
Love forever and a day,
Mom

Mom

June 2, 2005

Nick,
Hereis a poem I wrote for you.

BIG BROTHER

He was not really my big brother,
but I love him like a brother.
His family is like mine.
He played hockey and played street hockey with me.
He gave me my first hockey stick that I kept at his house.
Now he is grown up and I don't see him as often as I did.
He is a daddy and a good one too.
He did what he always wanted to do, be a policeman, just like his Dad.
I still see him sometime,but not like I use to, because he got shot.
I know he is still around in my heart.
That is my big brother NICK. #416#
LOVE, Laura Hinson

June 1, 2005

Hey Nick,
This weekend we were all at the lake. Dad took us out on the boat and Josh got the waverunner ready. I know this is your favorite time of the year. I know I saw you out on the waverunner off in a distance. You are always so happy at the lake.
It makes me sad to think that Gavin and Bobby won't be together with their daddys fishing and playing on the water. I know you would have Gavin at the lake every weekend if you could.
Dad asked if I wanted to take the waverunner out for a spin, I had to say no, because I can't get it up on the dock. I always had to pull it close to the boat dock, then you would jump on, go for a quick spin and the pull it onto the waverunner dock. Josh wasn't there on Sunday, because he was fishing, or he could have pulled it up on the dock for me. I will have to ride it next time we go to the lake. Hopefully I can take the boys for a ride too. I have a picture of you and Gavin on the waverunner, I think Gavin was only six or seven months old at the time. He was so little, with that little life jacket on and a smile on his face. He loved it as much as you. Im so glad mom takes a lot of pictures. We all go through the all the time.
I miss you more than ever and love you so much.
Love you,
Heather

P.S.
Bobby put a lot of new stuff up at the cemetery for you. It was so cute, when we left he said "Bye Uncle Nick, I love you so much." He also told Kelly and Dad this weekend that you are never alone at the cemetery because Uncle Nick is always there. He is such a sweet little boy. I love him so much.

Heather Claspill
Nicks very proud sister

June 1, 2005

Well Nick, it has taken me forever, but I think I am ready to talk to you. Since your death, I have tried to act like it was all a bad dream, a horrible nightmare. Through the years, you have meant so much to me and my life. You were always such a good friend to me. Whether we went to S&J to get a sno-cone, watched the Blue's game on TV, or simply talked on the phone, we always had a good time. You were like a brother to me at one time, and even though there were times when we drifted apart, we always found our friendship once again. You made me laugh...I can just see you up in heaven greeting everyone with your infamous head bob saying "What's up." I know that when my time comes, you will be there head bob and all saying "Hey Sue Dog!"

I can't believe it has been over a year...we all miss you very much, and you are in our thoughts and prayers every day. Gavin is adorable, and I can see so much of you in him. Kirsten is a wonderful mother, and I admire her extraorinary strength. I bet you are so proud of her and Gav; I can imagine you looking down on them just beaming with pride.

Well, I hope you are enjoying yourself in heaven...I can see you now sitting on the couch next to Richie talking about sports (his recliner is there of course)! We are all thinking about you, and I know you are looking out for all of us. Thank you for being a part of my life, and affecting so many more lives. After reading some of the reflections on this site and realizing just how many people you have touched, I am so proud to have known you. You truly were and still are a remarkable man. Thanks for being you!

Sus

May 31, 2005

nick,
hi my love. gabe and i gave gavin a buzz cut. he looks awesome. he looks just like you its scary. just wanted to drop a little hello. what do you think about little caroline? she is sooooooooo beautiful. i was at the hospital while kay was having her. you would not believe how happy gabe and kay are. i am sooo proud of them. they are already the most wonderful parents in the world. i look at gabe and see so much of you. the way he holds her and talks about her just like you did with gavin. he could light up the sky with his smile. i will never forget the day we had gavin and the look on your face. those things are pricelessand will never be forgotten. thank you for everything you have blessed my life with. i hope i made you as happy as you did me. i am doing my best to raise gavin by myself. i know that you did not plan to leave me here on my own. i have so much respect for any single parent. no one can truly understand how it is to be one unless they have been ther themselves. i think sometimes people forget that. i know i can do this. you have given me a gift and i will make sure he is every bit of a man you were. miss you every second of everyday forever.
love you
kir

kirsten

May 30, 2005

You are a hero. Thank you for your hard work.

May 26, 2005

I am thinking of you and want you to make the right decisions. We all miss you very much. Keep an eye out for us. We have the streets now. You just help us to be safe. God Bless.

May 26, 2005

Hey Nick,
I have been thinking about you a lot. As you know Washington D.C. was amazing. So many people came up to me and said how touch they were by your story, and that you are such an amazing person. They can tell how much we all love you. It makes me so proud when people come talk to me about you. I love to tell stories about you. You could always bring a smile to my face.

I was thinking about the past, like your first swim meet. I held your hand and walked you to your starting block. Your race happpened to be a foul start (by another swimmer), but you were in the lead. When it was time to race again you would not do it. You were only six years old. I remember being so proud of you. I also was thinking about the Owensville Fair, the year Toby Keith was the special guest. The whole family was standing by the quilt room, and you were singing "You ain't much fun since I quit drinkin", you were always so much fun to be with. That is one of my favorite times at the fair. We all agree that the fair isn't the same with out you. Our lives are not the same without you. You brought so much fun and happiness to all of us.

Bobby is so excited to buy you things for the cemetary. He had to buy you a bird, two wind chimes that hold candles and a police frog. We will probly go tomorrow to bring them to you. As you know he talks to you every night before bed, he thanks you for Gavin and tells you he loves you, misses you and goodnight. We talk about you everyday.

Thank you for the sign last night when I was on the phone with Jodi. I know you were the one behind it. Well I'd better get going. I hope you are having a good time up there. We will see you soon. I love you and miss you.

Love you,
Heather

Heather
Nicks very proud sister

May 24, 2005

Nick,

I have wanted to write something all week long, but just couldn't seem to find the right words. I met your beautiful, gorgeous, adorable son in D.C. last week. It was almost surreal to be playing with him and talking to him in person since I have only heard stories about him and talked to him on the phone. You left behind such a legacy, Nick, and it is a shame you cannot be there to watch him grow and change every single step of the way. Kirsten is doing such a wonderful job with him. I was amazed that he can already count and speaks so well. There is no doubt in my mind that you are helping both of them along. Don't worry, Kirsten will not let Gavin forget who his daddy is and what you stood for. I'm so glad you gave the beautiful gift of Gavin to Kir. Her love for you is amazing and everlasting. The way she talks about you gives me cold chills, and I know that no one can possibly understand the loss and emptiness she feels. Take care of her, Nick.

Love always,
Jessi
Cole Martin's fiancee

May 23, 2005

Nick,
The events that went on in your honor and along with 155 other fallen officers was a awesome dedication. You can see that we are not the only ones having a tough time with the loss of a great person. There are times that it is difficult but I believe you would be more upset if we didn't carry on with what you believed in. Your name will forever be remembered on not only minds but etched in two walls.

Your son is an unbeleivable child who will grow up to do nothing but make you proud. Take care and God bless

May 22, 2005

You are a hero and will never be forgotten. Thank you for doing what you did. You gave your life at such a young age and I know you will always look over everyone close to you. Thanks for being a hero!

May 22, 2005