Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Merry Christmas Nick!

December 19, 2005

Nick- I heard this song on the radio the other day (I know it is an old one)and it made me think of you. I was just driving and I started to sing along with the song and it made me think of you. Here are some of the words from the song. I hope you have a great Christmas with Joe and everyone else in heaven. I will some by to visit you at the cemetary when I get in town. Help your family, Kirsten, and Gavin to be strong through the rest of the holidays, they really need you. Oh, I forgot to tell you. When I was in DC, I ordered one of those metal (or something like metal) bracelets that have all of your information on it. I put it right next to your name that I "shaded" on to the paper from the wall. Well, I will talk to you later. Have a great Christmas! Here are some of the words from that song:


It's kinda hard with you not around
Know you in heaven smilin down
Watchin us while we pray for you
Every day we pray for you
Til the day we meet again
In my heart is where I'll keep you friend
Memories give me the strength I need to proceed
Strength I need to believe
My thoughts big I just can't define
Wish I could turn back the hands of time...

I still can't believe you're gone
Give anything to hear half your breath
I know you still living you're life, after death

Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray
I'll be missing you
Thinkin of the day, when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
I'll be missing you

Tracie

December 17, 2005

Nick-
How are things going up there? I hope that it is very peaceful up there. The holidays are fast approaching and they are still not the same. I have all of the presents wrapped (can you believe it?) James had to keep me going to get all of the Christmas shopping done. (I think he was afraid that I would be put on bedrest and then he would have to finish shopping and wrapping the presents).

I know that you will be with us during the holidays. We are already having such a tough time with it. I know that you will give us the strength to keep going. I am trying to take it easy to make sure that everything will be o.k. with Payton. (James came up with the name, I like it.. If it was a boy, you know that he would have been named after you... no question) James, Mom, Dad, Heather and Josh are making sure that I don't do too much. I am getting spoiled. I told them that I know that you are watching over me & Payton so that nothing will happen. I hear a little voice in my head saying "Kel, you need to rest for a little bit."

You should see the boys, they can't wait for Baby Payton to be born. Bobby tells us each day of all of the plans that he has for Payton. Bobby said that she will never cry if he is holding her. Gavin has felt Payton kick while he was sitting on my lap. They both want to know when she will be here so that they can see her and play. They are both going to be such great helpers.

I hope you like "your" Christmas Tree. Gavin helped us decorate it. He just really thought it was neat that you got to have your own. He also wanted to look at the picture collage that Bobby & I made just after you died. Gavin wanted Gee-ma and Papa to tell him the stories behind the pictures of him and his daddy.

Well, I had better get ready for bed. I just wanted to let you know that we were thinking about you and that we know you will be with us through the holidays. I am going to put a picture of you in my bag to take to the hospital because I know that you would have been there in person.

I love you forever and always,
Kel

Kel
Nick's proud sister

December 14, 2005

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Bobby says, B I O O Uncle Nick. Thank you for the ornament. I love you Nick. (He blew you a kiss to Heaven)

Bobby
Nick's Nephew

December 12, 2005

Nick,
I just read the story from Heather and I knew what my girls had said about St. Nick coming and I think it is so cute that all the little kids think that it was you! We talk about you alot but they never really say much. Now I know they have been listening. The girls are really into the whole christmas thing this year. We were putting the manger under the tree and they kept picking up the wise men,Joseph, the angel and saying "who's this guy? And who's this guy?". I was trying to explain the whole story of baby Jesus and that it's his birthday. I told them that me ,NeeNee,and all our cousins would sing Happy Birthday every Christmas Eve to baby Jesus at Grandma Carpenter's. So we are going to keep that tradition alive. The girls already think we should sing Happy Birthday to someone at every party anyway! Please continue to watch over our entire family and all of our extended friends. I was just thinking about your Christmas morning phone call the other day and it just made me smile.
I will think of that every Christmas. I love you and miss you! The girls say thanks for the goodies in their shoe!!!

Michelle
Nick's cousin

December 11, 2005

Nick,

Its the 3rd annual Christmat Party. I will never forget the first one. I got your 10$ blockbuster card. We both miss you and wish you could spend this special time with us. Wish us something special, as you know what is happening. She misses you more than words could ever describe. I hear the story's everydaty. We really, really miss you. I don't know what else to say, this is still a dream!

J & S

December 11, 2005

It sounds like there are so many people that miss you and your passion you had for your job. Although I never had the chance to meet you, I feel as if I know who you are by reading all of these wonderful reflections left by your girlfriend, friends, sisters, and parents. It seems like their are some things that have changed, but hopefully all of the people that care about you can get passed that and just celebrate your life you shared with them. My heart aches for your son. I hope he grows up to know what his dad was like. I am sure the mother of your child is making sure of that. I will be thinking of all the officers, that are no longer here, during the holidays.

St. Louis

December 10, 2005

Officer Sloan I just wanted to drop you a short note letting you know that I say a prayer for you and your son everyday. I used to see you in court, and I thought what a polite and handsome officer. Well I was just thinking of you and your son.

citizen

December 7, 2005

Hi Nick,
The kids couldn't believe you brought them candy and toys. The girls were telling Josiah what they got in their shoes and they told him it was a present from mommy and nee-nee's cousin, Nick. We didn't tell them you were "St. Nick" but I kind of like that idea. I think the shoe fits:) McKenna just walked in while I was writing this, she saw your picture on the screen and said,"hey, that's St. Nick..he brought us lots of candy". I think we will have to keep this traditoin going! Take care of yourself, I love you lots. Nicole

December 7, 2005

Nick,
Happy Saint Nick's Day. I told Bobby the story about Saint Nick the other day, he said ok mommy Uncle Nick will bring me a surprise and put it in my shoe. It is funny because I never said you were Saint Nick, he just assumes you are. Which I guess you are now. Mom said you would always play Saint Nick every year for Kelly and I. Bobby is running around with Kaitlyn, playing with his new toys and eatting his candy you brought him. Mom called to see if Saint Nick brought them presents, when Kaitlyn got on the phone she also said Uncle Nick brought me lip stick and m&m's. They are both to funny.
I really miss you, the holidays are hard without you. I bet you had a great time with Gavin on his birthday. We sent him a card and called to wish him a Happy Birthday. Bobby was wondering why Gavi didn't have a party. I told him that we would celebrate Gavin's birthday one day when we had Gavin. Nick, Bobby is so sweet, he said "Mommy I can share my bithday party with Gavin." He looked so serious, it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. I know things would be different if you were here, Bobby and Gavin could spend their birthdays together. So much has changes since you have left us. Maybe someday things will be different.
I love you and miss you more every day.
Love,
Heather

P.S.
Last night I asked Bobby if he was naughty or nice? He looked at me, smile and said "mommy I've been naughty, I'm going to get coal." Then he started laughing. He is to funny.

Heather
Nicks Very Proud Sister

December 6, 2005

Hey Nick- Make sure you let Gavin know you are with him on his birthday. I can't believe he is already 3!! He is growing up so fast! I just called Kirsten to tell Gavin Happy Birthday and he sounds so cute! He asked me if I was coming. I told him I was in Arizona, but he didn't understand. I just hope he knows that you are always by his side. I will talk to you later. Say hi to Joe for me.

Tracie

December 4, 2005

Nick-
Today is Gavin's Birthday. I know you are with him today as you are everyday. James and I just left him a message on his answering machine to tell him Happy Birthday and that we love him and miss him so much and that we will get to see him in a couple of days. I thought back to before his 1st Birthday and when you were at our house and asked if I could write the invitations out for you and send them. You made me a list of people to invite. I still have that list that you wrote and am putting it in a memory book with Gavin's 1st Birthday party. There is a picture of Gavin with blue icing in his ears. I wonder who told him to do that. I know you told me that you would make sure and get back at me when I had kids. Well, I will make sure that when my baby turns one that she has blue icing on her cake too. I'm sure that you will find a way to make sure that she has it all over just like Gavin did.

When we had Gavin last Saturday, I was on the computer and he asked me if I was typing a letter to his daddy. I said yes and he climbed up on my lap and typed a letter to you. This is when they were having problems with the website so our letters to you never made it. I'm sure that Gavin will type a letter to you next time we see him. Each time we see him we remind him of you and all of the things that you did for him. Before he went to sleep on Saturday night, he said "I Love You Daddy" and I'm sure you caught the kisses that he blew to you.

Last Sunday, James put up the Christmas tree and the boys were helping him. When the tree got up, Bobby said "Kelly, look James made a Christmas tree". Well, James finished the ornaments and lights last night. Sorry, I just can't get into the decorating yet. It is still so hard without you being here. Tonight, we are going to put up your small Christmas tree downstairs. It has ornaments that remind us of you. I told Gavin about it and he thought that was pretty neat that his daddy got his own christmas tree. He asked if he could pick out an ornament for you this year. Next time we have him we will go to the store so him and Bobby can pick ones out for you.

I was thinking about how before you died you were trying to get Gavin to say my name. You would say Kelly and he could almost say it but not quite. Well, a couple days after you died, Joe was watching Gavin until Heather, Bobby and I could get there and when we walked in someone was holding him and he put his arms out to me and said Kel and he gave me the biggest hug. When he did that I knew that you were telling me that everything would be ok. It was so special because you were one of the few people that called me Kel.

When we went to the Guns and Hoses this year we saw so many people that knew you and told us stories that we didn't know. It is always so comforting. As we were leaving, someone tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I was Nick Sloan's sister. He told me that he was one of your neighbors and told us stories about you. On Thanksgiving, we went to the cemetary to see you, and saw Bob Stanze's dad and aunt. We talked to them for a while and as we were talking to them, a policeman drove by, slowed down and smiled and waved. It is all of the little things that people do for our family that means the most.

Well, James and I just want you to know that we miss you so much and that we think about you and talk about you everyday.


We love you forever,
Kel & James

Kel
Nick's proud sister

December 4, 2005

Nick,
We went to the annual Police Leadership Organization dinner dance last night. We always looked forward to the dance because it gave us a night out together in the midst of the holidays. Dad always liked seeing all of his friends that are now retired.
I had pictures of Gavin and Bobby to show friends. They could not believe how much the boys had grown. I thought everything was going well, I was listening to the Christmas songs and began to think back three years ago at the dance when we brought pictures of Gavin , then two days old. Earlier that day I had gone to the hospital and you were going to meet us there after court to bring Gavin home. I took the picture of you in your uniform lovingly holding your newborn son.
The songs continued to play and I looked into your Dad's eyes. They were filled with tears, sadness and loneliness for you. I began to cry. The harder I tried to stop the more the tears fell.
Tomorrow Gavin will turn three, it's sad to think two-thirds of his life have been without you. I hope Gavin has a nice birthday. I miss you so much and wish that you were here.

LOVE FOREVER AND A DAY,
Mom

MOM

December 3, 2005

Hi Nick,
Thanks for taking care of everything earlier. I love you so much and miss you like crazy. love, Nicole

December 1, 2005

Nick
I was at the boxing matches last week and had a great time. I know your were there watching everyone drink to much. As I entered the Savis Center I saw Sergeant Sloan and your family in the lobby. I stood off to the side and watched as your father, mother and sisters talked to friends and other Officers. I have nothing but the utmost respect for your family. I cannot believe what they have been through. I have not seen your son for a long time. I hope he is doing ok. Well Nick I sure do miss seeing you at work and some day I will drink another beer with you.

City Officer NPD

November 29, 2005

I love you and miss you so much. You will never be forgotten. You are a true hero.

November 29, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. Keep watching over everyone and help keep everyone safe and healthy.

Tell everyone else Happy Thanksgiving also.

Love Always
Aunt Joan

November 24, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving Nick! Another holiday that Gavin, Kirsten, and your family have to spend without you. That is so sad to me. I will be thinking about all of them today. I know you are always with them in spirit. I don't know how they can do it, but they are all very strong. Everyone misses you so much! I just read Heather's reflection that she left for you and I also always listen to that song, "I Miss My Friend." I have that on a CD that I made that has a whole bunch of songs on it that reminds me of you and Joe. I know you two are spending this Thanksgiving together, but I wish you guys were here with us. There is not one day that goes by that I don't think of both of you guys. Why can't things be different? Why did you two have to be taken away from everyone? Why does it happen to the good people? I ask myself these questions everyday and I still don't understand. I never will.

I have been thinking about you and that day that I got a call from EJ to tell me the horrible news. I didn't know what to do because I didn't want to believe it. I remember throwing my phone. I just think about the last time that I talked to you which was on the same day that you were taken from us. I talked to you about 30 minutes before the whole thing happened. You had left a message on my cell phone and then I called you back and talked to you for a few minutes because you had to go. You were telling me that you were there for me if I needed anything or call Kirsten and talk to her. This just shows how great of a person you are. I saved that message that you left on my phone as long as I could. I had Joe put it on his little tape recorder so we could always have it. I have no idea where that tape is because Joe had it with him. Tell him hi for me. I was just reading about Guns 'N' Hoses from last night. I wish I went last night, but I did not go home for Thanksgiving. Last year was so amamzing watching Marks fight for you. I just hope you know that there are so many people's lives you touched in the short amount of time on Earth. I am honored to say that you are and always will be one of my close friends. I just want you to know that you will never be forgotten and that you are such an amazing person. You also have the cutest son in the world!! He looks just like you! Well, Happy Thanksgiving! I will talk to you later.

Tracie
Friend

November 24, 2005

Nick,
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(I Love Nick.
Love, Bobby)

Nick,
Bobby was very excited to write to you. You should see his room. First, he now has a big boy bed. He has Thomas the Tank Engine and Sponge Bob Square Pants sheets. The other day we were looking at pictures, and found some of you when you were little. Bobby had to frame one of you and me together, you were four and I was seven, I was dressed up in a dress and you had on a police shirt. Next to that picture is a picture of you when you were two, you were dressed in dads work boots and a diaper. He tells me the one picture is mommy when she was little and Bobby when he was Uncle Nick. The other one is just Bobby when he was Uncle Nick. The next picture he needed framed was of you in your police uniform. He says that is his Uncle Nick when he was a policeman. Then he has his hospital picture next to Gavins hospital picture. He says that is me and Gavin when we were babies. The last picture he needed was of him and Gavin at the pumpkin patch this year. The one is of them kissing, the next on is of them looking through the pumpkin cut- outs and the last one is of them holding hands. They are all so cute.
Bobby always talks about you. He also ask why he can't see Gavin all the time. He tells me he is his best friend and he loves him very much. It breaks my heart that he can't see Gavin as much as he would like to. I know if you were here, they would be together as much as possible.

Well Happy Thanksgiving (one day early). The holidays are already taking a toll on all of us. We miss you so much. It's hard enough that your not here with us, and even harder that we don't get to see Gavin on the holidays either. Our family will never be complete without you here. I love you so much.

Here is part of a song that I love.

I Miss My Friend
By Darryl Worley

I miss the colors you brought into my life,
Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes,
I miss your gentle voice at lonely times like now,
Saying it'll be alright,
I miss my friend.

The one my heart and soul confided in,
The one I felt the safest with,
The one who knew just what to say,
To make me laugh again,
And let the light back in,
I miss my friend

I listen to this song everyday, because it makes me think of you and smile. You are the best. You are my best friend. You have always been and you are the only person who could make me laugh in any situation. Like the time in St. Clair when we got lost and chased by those drunk guys. I was eighteen and you were fifteen. We were both scared to death. Somehow you had me laughing before we got home. I will never forget the good and scary times we had together.
I love you and miss you so much. My heart will forever be broken until we are together again.

I love you,
Heather

Heather
Nicks Very Proud Sister

November 23, 2005

Hi Nick,
I just wanted to tell you happy thanksgiving. I hope you and Joe are taking care of each other and watching over everyone. We will miss you so much tomorrow, I hope you will stop by teresa's to check on us. We miss you and love you always. Happy Thanksgiving! love, Nicole, Josiah, & Grant

November 23, 2005

Nick,

I cannot tell you how much my heart still hurts for you. I had a dream about you last night, it seemed so real. We were all together and you were playing with Gavin. When I woke up, I thought that you were still living here with us. For a few minutes, I was able to touch your smiling face, see your grin, and hear you laugh again. It was such a wonderful feeling---everything felt right.

The holidays are approaching quickly and so are the boys birthdays and the upcoming birth of Kelly and James baby. It seems just like yesterday that our two grandsons were born and now they will be turning three.

The holidays will never be the same without you. On Thanksgiving eve, I would bake pies and go have dinner with the girls. You and Dad would go to "GUNS AND HOSES". You and Dad would meet up with a lot of friends. You were always excited to have your friends meet Dad --- and likewise Dad was always so proud to introduce you to everyone he knows. You would always have a lot of stories to tell the next day.

Last year was very tough for Dad when it came to GUNS AND HOSES. He tried to go but that night he just missed you too much and just stayed home. This year our family is going to Guns and Hoses and we are looking forward to the event.

I just got finished watching a video on the internet that was an interview with Deanne Lane and Dennis Syberg. He is the gentleman that painted your portrait for us that was on display last year at GUNS and HOSES. This year he is painting five portraits, four for the fallen officers and one for a fire chief. Dennis is such a talented artist and he has an unbelievable gift of capturing the person in the portrait. We cannot thank him enough for the hours that he spent working so hard.

Nick, please keep a close watch over all of the families that have lost officers this year.

LOVE FOREVER AND A DAY,

MOM

November 22, 2005

Hey Nick,

I wanted to leave you a message because it seems like so long since you've had a new message. I stopped by to say hi to you and Joe a few weeks ago when I came back in town. It looks like your headstone is going to be there soon. I'm sure it will be awesome and amazing just like you. I will be back in town to visit you in December. I am also planning on moving back after the school year is over. I just miss being around all of our friends and being able to just stop by to say hi to you and now Joe. I really need you and Joe to keep an eye on me since there is so much crime out here, it's not even funny. Well, I hope you all are enjoying each other's company. I miss you guys so much! I'll see you two again someday. Talk to you later.

Tracie

November 15, 2005

just stopping by to say hello. it's been a while. i hope all is well in heaven. see you soon buddy.

November 11, 2005

NICK:

Thanks for talking to me this morning as I walked in Fenton Park. I didn't know you got up that early. The sign that you gave me after I got out of your truck, definitely cheered me up. I cannot tell you how much I miss you.

I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER......

DAD

DAD

November 3, 2005

Nick-
I hope you guys are having a great time in Heaven. I know that people keep saying the first year is the hardest. It is not true. The longer that you are gone, the worse it is.

I wanted to Thank You for what you did two weeks ago. It made me feel alot better and more at peace.

James and I are really excited about our baby. It is really hard too because you are not here in person and I know that our baby will never have pictures with Uncle Nick or to see what a great, wonderful person you are. We will make sure that we show plenty of pictures of you and tell so many stories about you. I found a picture of you holding Bobby when he was a baby and gave it to Bobby the other day. He said that is me with my Uncle Nick holding me. I told him he could keep the picture if he wanted and he held it and kept looking at it smiling in the truck. He was showing everybody his picture with his Uncle Nick.

I know that you are with us all the time. Thank you for continuing to be with us and to give us the strength to continue on.

You are the best brother ever.
I love you and miss you so much,
Kel

Kel
Nick's sister

November 2, 2005