Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Thinking of your parents, sisters, Gavin, Kirsten, your friends, and fellow officers. Always in my prayers.

January 30, 2006

Nick,
It is hard to believe that it has been two years since you were taken away from all of us. This date two years ago was one of the worst days of my life. I just didn’t know what to do after I got that horrible phone call. I wish I never got that phone call and that you were still here with everyone. We all need you in some way and miss you so much that words can’t explain. I wish I were in St. Louis so that I could come to the mass today, but it’s kind of hard when you live so far away. My sister bought some flowers and put them at the cemetery for you. They are so pretty! You know I would be there if I could.

There are so many things that happen and it makes me think of you. I know you are one of my guardian angels (Joe is another one) because there are so many times that I need that extra strength and I know it is because you two are always by my side. We all have you and Joe to watch over us. There are days that I feel sadder than others, but I just think about your life and how much you did in the 24 years that you were here, and that makes me feel better. I know that no one can bring you back, but we can all celebrate your life and just know that you are in a better place. Well, I will be thinking of you, Kirsten, Gavin, your family, and all of our friends today, just like always. I miss you so much! Take care of all of us from above. Tell Joe hi. Happy 2nd birthday in Heaven!

Tracie

January 30, 2006

Just wanted you to know that I haven forgotten you and I never will. Nicholas, I look at it as it's Clint birthday in Heaven, so on that note, Happy Second Birthday in Heaven.
To the family, I know that some days are harder than others and this is one of them. Just know that other family members are out there and understand what you are going through, and we are all praying for you.

Connie Barker
Mother of Clint Walker E.O.W. 1-14-04

January 30, 2006

REST IN PEACE NICK GOD BLESS YOU

January 30, 2006

You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers on this very sad anniversary.
Kathy,Mike & Jayne McEntee
sisters and brother of Bill McEntee

January 29, 2006

Please know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers as your second anniversary in Heaven approaches. Thank you for your dedication and sacrifice.
I can see from the many pages of reflections that you were an incredible man - may your little boy always know what a true hero his daddy was, is and always will be.
Rest in peace...

Linda Lamm - LEO Wife and Sister of
Jay Balchunas EOW 11.05.04

January 28, 2006

Hey Nick- that day is coming up that changed so many lives. I miss you so much and I always will. I was looking for something on the Internet and I came across this poem. It made me think of you, so I thought I would share it. I'll leave you a message Monday so you know I am thinking of you. I wish I could be in St. Louis to go to the mass for you, but you know I will think of you and your family every minute of the day.


God looked around his Garden and found an empty place.
He then looked down upon his earth and saw your loving face.

He put his arms around you and lifted you to rest.
His Garden must be beautiful, he always takes the best.

He saw your path was difficult, he closed your tired eyes,
He whispered to you "Peace be Thine" and gave you wings to fly.

When we saw you sleeping so calm and free of pain,
We would not wish you back to earth to suffer once again.

You've left us precious memories, your love will be our guide,
You live on through Gavin, you're always by our side.

It broke our hearts to lose you, but you did not go alone.
For part of us went with you on the day God called you home.

Tracie

January 26, 2006

Nick
I cannot believe that it has been almost two years. The other night I drove by Taylor and Enright and all of the events of January 30th, 2004 flashed in my mind. I continue to pray for you, your son, and your parents and sisters.

North Patrol Officer

January 26, 2006

Nick,

Yesterday was a very hard day for me. I got a phone call only to find out that another person in my life was killed in a car accident Thursday night. His name was Colin and he played on the boys team at Meramec with me. Then later that night, as if the news couldn't get any worse, I found out that my cousin lost their baby a week before she was due. I don't even know what to say anymore. It just doesn't lighten up ever. I feel so alone and confussed. Now I have to relive all of this all over again. I just don't know if I can step into that funeral parlor again, and see another friend be laid to rest.

It is funny, I was having such a wonderful week. It was sunny and gorgeous outside. And after getting all of this news on Friday, things took a turn for the worse again. January has been such a bad month for me. 10 days before you died my friend Corey died. I didn't even realize that it was two years on Friday that he had been gone, until I looked at the calender to see the exact date that Colin died. I had only been focused on the fact that you will have been gone for two years on the 30th. and that was hard enough for me. But then I realized what a terrible sister I was, when I then realized that on Friday as well, Joe has been gone exactly 4 months yesterday. It is ironic how all of this bad news hit me all in one day. I didn't really think about Joe b/c I do not want to think about those kinds of things, it only makes me sad. I have lost 5 people in the last two years. Before that I had never lost anybody close to me, and now it seems that everyone I get close to I lose. I only hope that this pain goes away.

I cannot even begin to explain how much I miss both of you. I never knew life could be so hard, and yet it seems to just get harder. I just wish I could talk to you two just one more time. I think about Joe non-stop everyday. I know now what he must of felt like losing his best friend, b/c he was my best friend. It seems like everything I do and every where I go reminds me of him. I don't know that I ever realized how much we used to do together. I miss you guys, I miss all of my friends terribly as well. I only hope that you will greet them at those pearly gates with your loving arms. I bet Colin is scared, but I know that if you two were there to greet him, he would feel safe once again.

I love all of you up there. Nick, you and Joe have had such a major impact on me, and I can't wait to see you again. I love you with every beat of my heart and every breath that I take. I'll talk to you soon.

Love,
Jamie (Joe's Sister)

P.S. Joe there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you or wish that you weren't right here next to me. I miss you and love you like crazy. Thanks for being with me brother bear!

January 21, 2006

When I Get Where I'm Going"
(feat. Dolly Parton)

When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly

I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

[Chorus]
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I'll hug his neck

[Repeat chorus]

So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I'm going
Yeah when I get where I'm going

January 20, 2006

The 2 year anniversary is approaching and I know those that love you will have a hard time with that day just as they do with holidays now that you are no longer here. There are no words I can offer them to help them with their pain or help mend their broken hearts. Their lives have been changed forever and all I can offer is that they take one day at a time. Keep watch over those that love you, keep them on the right path in life. Help them with their pain. You are a true hero and will never be forgotten.

Bob Gordon, father of fallen officer Michael P. Gordon, EOW: 8/8/04
www.michaelpgordon.com

Bob Gordon

January 20, 2006

Hey Nick,
Can you believe Bobby is 3 years old today. Three years ago today you came to the hospital for the birth of Bobby, and brought little Gavin who was only six weeks old. You were the best daddy. I remember thinking how cute you were with Gavin. You were a pro.
I was a little upset this morning on the drive in, because I thought about the last time I saw you. It was at Bobbys birthday party two years ago. I'm so glad mom took that picture of you and Gavin as you left. It is the last picture we have of you.
Thank you for being with us everyday. I love you and miss you so much.
I'll see you again someday.
Love you,
Heather

Heather
Nicks Very Proud Sister

January 13, 2006

You and your family are always in my prayers.

January 11, 2006

What's up?
I was driving this weekend and just thinking that this time 2 years ago we all had no idea what a drastic change all of our lives were about to take. I have this picture of me and Mike in my hallway that's from the wedding we went to the evening of the last time I saw you at Heather's. I just look at us all tipsy and goofy so unaware what would happen less then a week later. Life is so precious no one knows what's planned ahead. I would like to think that I use my time here wisely. Sometimes I'm not so sure. I'm working on it. Anyway, it's amazing to me how often you are still on my mind daily. I know a little piece of my heart went with you that day. Myself or our family will never be the same. We all love you.

Michelle
cousin

January 8, 2006

Hey Nick! Happy New Year! I hope this year will be better than the past 2 years have been. I really miss having you here, it's so hard to not be able to just pick up the phone and talk to you. Please watch over all of us and keep us safe.

I remember the last New Years that you were here. You had to work and we tried to talk Kirsten in to coming over to Nick and Becky's but she wanted to wait for you to get home. I am so glad she did since that was the last New Year's Eve you two spent together. A few days after that me, Kirsten, and Jessi went to the Fox to watch a show and you and Gabe met us there so you could park us. I remember while we were waitig for you guys to come, I was scared because we were waiting in the Del Taco parking lot and some guy was just wondering around and I was scared. I know Kirsten and Jessi were too. You told us to go to the Shell parking lot and not to worry about it because you guys were almost there. You always made sure everyone was safe! Continue to do that from heaven. I miss you! Talk to you later. I am going to go by the cemetary either tomorrow or Monday before I leave. Tell Joe hi!

Tracie

December 31, 2005

A new year right around the corner....please ask God to bring peace to all of your loving family and to the Stanze family too. Find Bob and have a beer for all of us at midnight. Happy New Year Nick...God bless you and all of us, as we try to find a small bit of peace in the upcoming new year!

December 30, 2005

Nick
I hope you had a nice Christmas. Don't drink too many NATS on new years eve. I saw your mom and dad at QT the other day. I didn't know what to say to them. I feel so sorry for your family. have a happy new year

Friend

December 29, 2005

i miss you so much. why can't you be here right now? i just want to talk to you.

December 29, 2005

Merry Christmas. I just keep thinking about your phone call the Christmas before you were killed and I will have that memory forever - that call was just another sweet thoughtful thing about you. Please watch over Gavin and Kristen and Your Family they need you more than ever.
Love Always
Aunt Joan

December 27, 2005

Merry Christmas Nick! I hope you and Joe are taking good care of each other. We missed seeing you on christmas but we know you were there. We miss you dearly and hope your with everyone as your anniversary approaches. Merry Christmas and happy new year.
Lots of love, Nicole, Josiah, and Grant

nicole-cousin

December 26, 2005

Hey Nick,
Merry Christmas. We all miss you so much. If it wasn't for the boys, I don't think we would celebrate the holidays anymore. It is just to hard without you here. I love you so much, thanks for the visits the last couple of nights. I was great to see your beautiful, smiling face. Have a great Christmas, I know you are here with us.
Love you and miss you so much,
Heather

Heather
Nicks Sister

December 25, 2005

Merry Christmas Nick! I went by the cemetary today to visit you and Joe. Your grave was decorated really cute with some things your family left for you. I wish you were here celebrating Christmas with all of us. I will talk to you later. Say hi to Joe and tell him Merry Christmas!

Tracie

December 25, 2005

Nick,
Please watch over everyone during the holidays. It was very sad the Christmas after Grandma died. You died just eighteen months after she passed. The holidays are something we dread. The pain is so intense. There are so many families that lost their loved ones and friends this past year. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of these families that are affected. Please watch over Gavin, Bobby and little Payton.
Love forever and a day,
Mom

December 22, 2005

Nick,
There isn't a day that goes by that we don't all think of you. The holidays are here and we've been getting together. You are there with us too. The stories and memories about you are far to fun and shouldn't have been taken away from all of us. We feel you there with us. Keep sending us the signs. You and Joe will never be forgotten. I hope the two of you look out for all of us. Please be there for your family, Kir, and Gavin. Merry Christmas. Tell Joe hi! We wish you guys were here with us.

Friend

December 21, 2005

It's obvious the amount of love and respect many people have for you. I am sure you were a young, fine officer to your community. It is so touching to read your parent's, son's, girlfriend's, and friend's reflections. I just spent part of my night reading through all of the reflections that were left for you, and I couldn't help all the tears that were falling down my face. My heart goes out to all the people that love you. Give them all a hand to help guide them through the holidays and the new year. Thank you Officer Sloan

Citizen

December 19, 2005