Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Nicky K-

Merry Christmas! I am sure that you were there to welcome Danielle. I feel so bad for her family.

Another Christmas without you. I think I did better this year. James still took on a lot of the load but I know he understands. I am having a cry right now, since I miss you so much and it is not fair that you can't be here. It's ok though because Payton is still asleep and James knows that I just need this space.

We will be by to see you today. Your special tree is up and James turned it on first thing this morning. I know that you will be with us today and your special little boy. I know the kids will love the gifts that you gave them.

Well, I just wanted to talk to you for a little bit before everything started. Thanks for the visit last week. I could still hear your voice after all of this time and also we have a deer that stands near the street whenever I need an answer from you :)

I love you so much,
Kel

P.S. I really liked the "Say Nick" that someone posted. It is so true. It is almost like a family member would have written it.

Kel
Nick's sister

December 25, 2008

Nick,
Merry Christmas and happpy half birthday. I can not believe this is the fifth Christmas that you have been gone from us. Every day day seems like it just happened yesterday, yet sometimes it seems like it was a long time ago.
You have some very good friends that have been there for us and remember us with cards and phone calls around your special days, holidays, and special events in their lives. It is always so good to see and hear from them.
Gavin, Bobby, and Payton are all getting so big. I can't wait to watch them open the gifts from you on Saturday.
Please help us in any way that you can with all of the issues that are facing us now and give us the strength to hang in there on the very trying days.
I love you and miss you every minute of every day!!!!
Love forever and a day,
Mom

mom

December 25, 2008

I just wanted to tell you Merry Christmas. I miss you so much and I just wish you were here. A day does not go by that I dont think about you. I love you Nick.

Your buddy

December 25, 2008

Nick,

Just wanted to tell you to have a good Christmas this year...you are very much missed, brother.

Anonymous

December 25, 2008

Thinking about you Nick and your family. It's another Christmas and another day without you. I'll be by to see you, Bill and Bob soon.

Kathy, Bill's sister

December 24, 2008

Say Nick ~ The time of concern is over. No longer am I asked how I am doing. Never is the name of my son or brother mentioned to me. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. A life slips from frequent recall. There are exceptions...close and comforting friends, sensitive and loving family. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent. But for me, the play will never end. The effects on me are timeless. Say Nick to me.

On the stage of my life, he has been both lead and supporting actor. Do not tiptoe around the greatest event of my life. Love does not die. His name is written on my life. The sound of his voice replays within my mind. You feel he is dead. I feel he is of the dead and still lives. You say he was my son and brother, I say he is. Say Nick to me and say Nick again.

It hurts to bury his memory in silence. What he was in the flesh has now turned to ash. What he is in spirit, stirs within me always. He is of my past, but he is part of my present. He is my hope for the future. You say not to remind me. How little you understand I cannot forget. I WOULD NOT IF I COULD. I forgive you, because you cannot know. I strive to not judge you, for yesterday I was like you.

I do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. I walk it not by choice. I would rather walk it with him in the flesh. I am what I have to be. What I have lost you cannot feel. What I have gained you cannot see. Say Nick, for he is alive in me.

He and I will meet again, though in many ways we have never parted. He and his life play light songs on my mind, sunrises and sunsets on my dreams. He is real and he is shadow. He was and he is.

He is my ever present hope and I love him as I always did.

Say Nick to me and say Nick again.

Anonymous

December 22, 2008

Hi Nick . I have been missing you a lot this year . I have been thinking of the things we did when you were my age. I miss those days a lot . Nathan miss you to . I remember one day in december in 2003 Heather and the kids and I were coming to your houes to see you befor you went to work and you had this warm hat to wear and you were being funny and puting it on me . I wish you could see me now I'm all most 18(in February)Heather and Kelly can't believe it . But I'm still that litte girl you know and in my eyes you were my Big Brother that I will always miss and love . love you . love laura

Laura
friend

December 19, 2008

Nick,

Man I had one of my best ride along with you and Schwerb. I came out the class behind you. I remember you always asked about my daughter as I did about your son. I am very proud to have served with you, along side you and to have known you.

Dude, you have a cops name "Sloan". I struggle to wonder why it had to be you that day. I cry for you and your family. I saw Gavin at Guns n Hoses last year. He's big man and that's definitely YOUR BOY. I miss talking to you man for real. Although you were a year ahead of me, and a few years younger than me, I LOOKED UP TO YOU.

You know us macho guys can't show and share our feelings, but I can and will say I love you man. You are the best and now God has someone else to help him watch over us

P.O. Aaron Webster
SLMPD

December 13, 2008

It seems to me that with so many of you Angels in Blue up there, that if you banned together, you could surely help your Mom regain her health. Who better to convince God to send a miracle?

We all love your family and are praying that your Mom's health improves quickly....a nice Christmas miracle isn't out of the question is it? Bob always believed in them and without question, he would help!

God bless...

Anonymous

December 12, 2008

NICK:

It is time for you to take a close look and find out if you have the right connections to make Mom feel better. Mom has been going through a rough period lately and things are not getting any better.

I hope you are enjoying the holiday season and I am sure that you are staying busy. I told Mom the other day that I wish I would have been as good of a father as I am a grand-father. It is so nice to be able to spend time with Payton, Bobby and Gavin. When you and your sisters were growing up I was busy with work, secondary jobs and everything else that was going on. It would of been nice to retire at the age of 21 and have nothing but time to spend with your family.

I will talk to you later....

DAD

December 8, 2008

Nick-
I hope you had a great Thanksgiving up there. Ours was changed when we got the phone call in the middle of Walmart the day before. I know you were there with us. Thanks :)

Please watch over Mom. (I know you are) She is going through so much right now. I know that she is very strong and will get through this. Dad has been great with helping her but I know this has to be hard on him too. We will be there every step of the way to help her fight and to support her. I know they say that God only gives you enough to deal with that you can handle but this is getting out of hand.

We came and saw you on Thanksgiving. Payton is now tall enough to kiss you picture without any help. I just wish you were here with us.

Please watch over all of us and send us signs. We really need them right now.

Love,
Kel

kel
nicks sister

November 30, 2008

Hi Nick,
Happy Thanksgiving - I know all you guys are having a special time up there watching us -- we're all quite a lot to keep up with :) someone has to keep you busy! I haven't seen your parents in awhile - but Dad said he ran into them recently. I miss seeing Kelly and I've said a prayer for your mom everyday the last few days - she sure has more to deal with lately than she should. Keep a watch on all of us and say hi to Bob!

Deb House

November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sure you are celebrating with everyone today. I am thankful for the time we had together, I wish it could have been longer. I am thankful for the time we get with Gavin. I am thankful for our family. If we didn't have each other I'm not sure we would have made it through these last years. Please bless our family.
I love you,
Heather

Heather
Nicks Sister

November 27, 2008

Nick-
I am sure that you have met Sgt. King by now. This is just so horrible. It just keeps happening. How can people be so heartless?

I am sure that you guys are all keeping watch over all of the officers in MO. They have a big job to try to find who did this. I know that true justice will never be served. Please keep all of the officers safe. We do not need this to happen to another family.

Love you so much...
Kel

Kel
Nick's sister

November 2, 2008

Nick-
Thanks for the visit last night. It was just like the old days, when we were all together and happy. We were playing football with Gavin, Bobby and Payton in our backyard. I didn't want to wake up.

I have the boys soccer cards on my desk at work and if I look at Gavin's it looks like you when you were his age. They make me smile so much. Bobby's is so cute with his first haircut that he chose. We told him about when you were younger and I used to drive you down to the hair salon. You would draw a picture of how you wanted your hair and then you would talk me into telling the lady how you wanted it.

Just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you and we miss you.

Happy Halloween!!!

Kel
Nick's sister

October 29, 2008

NICK:

What's going on? Thanks for being there this morning. I didn't know that you got up that early.

I know that you were laughing a couple of weeks ago when John and I went to qualify at the range. It was quite an experience and I look forward to it every year.

Say a prayer for Mom because she needs every little bit of help that she can get. I don't know how she keeps going day after day being in as much pain as she is in. She is a very strong person and definitely does everything she can to help everyone else. Without her I would be lost.

Bob Stanze called yesterday and we had a nice long talk. It is nice to talk to someone who knows what I am going through. He asked me if I was watching the Rams game and I told him that Bobby and I were watching Sponge Bob. The things you do for you grand-kids. Bobby had a great time picking walnuts and dropping off the cans at the recycling center.

I need to get going.

Talk to you later......

Love You Forever...

DAD

October 20, 2008

Well here we are mid October and my summer mission is still NOT completed! Please put in a good word for me and Nicole to we both are ready for ONE more healthy little blessing each!:) Everyone one just worries Mike and I will end up like John and Kate plus 8! I'm trying to stay relaxed but every month that passes still upsets me. I am thankful for what I have but I always knew I wanted lots of kids. They just amaze me everyday. The twins are doing great in kindergarden. McKenna is a social butterfly and doing well with soccer. Skylar is coming out of her shell more and more,she has her own friends at school and she likes gymnastics. Recy is talking like crazy, she's my little "boy" for sure- twice we have caught her on top of the kitchen table. She has alittle mean streak but then can be sweet as pie:) She calls me "my mommy" and Mike "my daddy" which melts my heart. Just to make Cooper mad she'll call Nicole "my mommy" on purpose and he flips out. Coop had us all real intrested one day. Nicole and Josiah were on the way home from Grant's game and they were talking to the boys about the game and Cooper said "and Uncle Nick was there" Nicole was like what - what did you say ? and he said "Nick was there". It was really werid... but there is a little boy name Nick on his team we were cheering for and he knows we talk about Uncle Nick so he put that together. But who knows maybe you had stopped by:) I hope that you do- we can all use a little extra guidance. Pull some strings if you can- I'm getting old! Miss You-

Michelle

October 18, 2008

Hi Nick I miss you and love you . Gavin is just like you. We saw him and your family at Kaitlyn's party I cant believe her and the boy are going to be 6 years old. Love and Miss you .

Laura
Friend

October 8, 2008

Nick-
Thanks so much for the rainbow. It was just what I needed. I just miss you so much. I can't believe next year will be 5 years and your 30th b-day. I was looking at pictures with Payton and I came across ones of me and you from my 30th. I have come up with a plan for next year in memory of you. It is something I have wanted to do for awhile and next year will be the perfect time.

I had decided after you died that I would try to slow down and try to make each day like it was my last. (not try to sweat the small stuff). Although some days it does not seem like I achieve my goal. I just know how much you enjoyed life and tried not to take everything so serious. Sometimes when I start to stray from this, I can hear your voice saying Kel, just have fun and don't worry. Thanks for helping me remember.

We went to both of the boys soccer games and they are so funny. They were at our house and Gavin helped me make brownies. Then all 3 of the kids made pictures for me for my desk at work.

Well, I have to go now, time to go and dance with Payton. She has on her Dora dress that Mom got for her. She likes to turn up the radio and dance around while we are making dinner. It makes me laugh so much.

Love,
Kel

P.S. Help Mom feel a little better. She has been through so much with her health

Kelly
Nick's sister

October 7, 2008

Nick,
Thanks for the visit the other night. I'm glad you can still come around. I know you will help take care of baby Jace. We all love and miss you so much.
Love you,
Heather

Heather
Nick's sister

September 28, 2008

Nick- been thinking of you. I keep your family in my prayers. We all miss you buddy. Please keep watch over my brother in the 4th district and my cousin in the 3rd district.

Anon
Old Friend

September 26, 2008

NICK:

I hope you are doing okay. As you know a lot of things are going on now. Hopefully someone will find a miracle cure for Mom so she starts feeling better. Payton, Bobby and Gavin keeps us busy and running all the time. Bobby scored two goals at his soccer game on Saturday. We were all very proud of him.

Thanks for the sign with the songs while I was at the gym the other morning. It is always good to know that you are nearby.

I better get going Payton is waking up....

Talk to you later....

I Love You Forever....

DAD

September 17, 2008

You're Still Here"
Faith Hill

Thought I saw you today
You were standing in the sun then you turned away
And I know it couldn't be
But my heart believed
Oh it seems like there's something everyday
How could you be so far away
When you're still here
When I need you you're not hard to find
You're still here
I can see you in my baby's eyes
And I laugh and cry
You're still here

I had a dream last night
That you came to me on silver wings
And I flew away with you on a painted sky
And I woke up wondering what was real
Is what you see and touch or what you feel
'Cause you're still here
Oh you're everywhere we've ever been
You're still here

I heard you in a strangers laugh
And I hung around to hear him laugh again
Just once again
Thought I saw you today
You were standing in the sun then you turned away....

Anonymous

September 13, 2008

Dear Nick,
I am a recruit in the SLMPD Academy. My instructors spoke of you today in such a way that I felt compelled to research you for myself. I came across this site and decided to drop you a line. I want to personally thank you for your dedicated service to the St. Louis community. You left your family at such a young age, however, please know that you are not forgotten. That was proven today at the Academy. By reading the other posts on this site, I can only imagine the pain your family experiences on a daily basis trying to deal with this loss. Please watch over this Department and all of its members. Thank you, Sir, for all you gave.

Recruit
SLMPD

August 20, 2008

Nick-
Thanks for everything you did this weekend for us. We sure had you working overtime. Heather and I did a lot of praying to you . We knew you would come through because as Bobby says "Uncle Nick can do anything". One more favor, please bring them home safe to us.

I Love you forever and always,
Kel

Payton wanted to tell you something...

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I love you Uncle Nick,
Payton

P.S. Hope you got all the balloons we sent you at the fair...

Kel

August 10, 2008