Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

I think of you so many times throughout the day.

I miss you so much My Love.

August 16, 2006

Mrs. Verkler, I am sure you have read ALL the books out there about life after death, but there is a wonderful book called "We don't die" if you have not read this book I highly recommend you read it. It helped me so much to understand!!

August 11, 2006

Change, change, change. Things are always changing and evolving. Sometimes it is a good change and sometimes it is a bad change. Sometimes there is a struggle for normalcy, although I swear there will never be that "new normal" that everyone told me would magically occur. I guess it is what it is.

August 9, 2006

On Love

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

--Kahlil Gibran

August 6, 2006

I saw the black crows on the eve of the Ride...warning me.

Thank you!

August 6, 2006

I love you and I miss everything about you.
My life will never be the same.

August 2, 2006

“As soon as you concern yourself with the “good” and “bad” of your fellows, you create an opening in your heart for maliciousness to enter. Testing, competing with, and criticizing others weaken and defeat you.”

~ Morihei Ueshiba

July 31, 2006

As you know, there was a ride for you and Tom yesterday. Since I am so far away, I read about it online this morning. I had no clue. I am glad that the community and your brothers and sisters in blue are still so committed to honoring you and your life, and the life that you sacrificed so that others could be protected and safe from harm that night. Not only are you a true Hero but I am honored to say that you are My Husband. I wish that I could have seen the turn out for the Bryan and Tom Ride.

I also noticed that Joe re-named the Highland Games the Bryan Verkler International Highland Games this year. Again, what an honor and a privelege to have that named after you. I am thankful for the great, kind and considerate souls that are dedicated to keeping your name alive. I know that before I left, it was definitely first and foremost on my mind as to who would do that, but I see now that my wishes are being carried out by various groups of people that you affected throughout your life on Earth. For that, I am very thankful.

I am so thankful to everyone in the community and county that participated in your ride yesterday. I am also glad that the Highland Games bears your name.

You always will be a true Hero and I love you.

July 30, 2006

I miss "concert season" with you. You know Tool is coming and it will be awesome. I will tell Maynard to play some "Prison Sex" and "10,000 Days" for you. I miss you so much My Love!

July 29, 2006

Bartender

If I go before I’m old
Oh brother of mine please don’t forget me if I go
Bartender please, fill my glass for me
With the wine you gave Jesus that set him free, after three days in the ground

Oh and if I die before my time
Oh sweet sister of mine please don’t regret me if I go
Bartender please, fill my glass for me
With the wine you gave Jesus that set him free after three days in the ground
Bartender please, fill my glass for me
With the wine you gave Jesus that set him free after three days in the ground

I’m on bended knee I pray Bartender please
Oh when I was young I didn’t think about it,
But now I can’t get it out of my mind
I’m on bended knee please father please

Oh if all this gold, should steal my soul away
Oh dear mother of mine, please redirect me if this gold
Bartender you see, this wine that’s drinking me
Came from the vine that strung Judas from the devil’s tree roots
Deep deep in the ground

Bartender you see, this wine that’s drinking me
Came from the vine that strung Judas from the devil’s tree roots
Deep deep in the ground
I’m on bended knee I pray Bartender please
I’m on bended knee please mama please
Oh when I was young I didn’t think about it,
But now I just want to run and hide
I’m on bended knee Bartender please

ASCAP Bama Rags Dave Matthews Band 2003

July 29, 2006

Things seemed so normal when you were alive. Why does everything seemed so screwed up now? NOTHING feels right. I want to be with you more than anything in this world. I love you. Wedding Crashers is one and I can hear you laugh even though it became a DVD after your death.

July 28, 2006

I am thankful that I know you are on the Other Side helping me every step of the way. I am glad that you showed me how to love and to be loved so wholly and completely.
I miss your smile, your laughter, our jokes and hearing your voice.
Missing you...today & always.

July 27, 2006

My Husband - My Love


Feelings that were true and deep
awoke my heart from its innocent sleep.
How enchanting it was to find a love
so very dear to keep.
Because of you, my soul has soared
to love's golden throne,
and, I will always yearn for you, and
you alone.
Without you, there would be no
sunshine or laughter.
My life would be incomplete and sad
ever-after.
The song in my heart would have an empty,
meaningless tone,
for, I love but you, and you alone.

Hanne Hartmann Phipps

July 27, 2006

Julie here is a nice poem.

Never in a Million Years


Oh, if I could touch you,
It'd be a once in a lifetime dream come true,
And oh, if I could have you,
just one night,
just one time,
But I know I'll never get the chance,
I'll never get a second glance,
Never in a million years,
Never in a thousand tears,
If I could ever hold you,
I'd never let go,
Never in a million years.
How I need you,
If you could only see inside my heart,
And oh, to be near you,
close enough, to reach and touch,
well I've thought it over in my mind,
If I could walk across the bridge of time,
Never in a million years,
Never in a thousand tears,
If I could ever hold you
I'd never let go,
Never in a million years.
But I know, I'll never, never, never get the chance,
I'll never get a second glance,
Never, in a million years,
never in a thousand tears,
If I could ever hold you,
I'd never let you go,
never.
Never in a million years,
Never in a thousand tears,
If I could ever hold you,
I'd never let go,

July 27, 2006

Miss Me, But Let Me Go

Author Unknown


When I come to the end of the road,
and the sun has set for me.
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room.
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little—but not too long,
and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that was once shared.
Miss me, but let me go.

For this is a journey we all must take,
and each must go alone.
It’s all a part of the master’s plan,
a step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart,
go to the friends we know.
Bear your sorrow in good deeds. Miss me,
but let me go.

July 22, 2006

I need your guidance.
Show me the way My Love.
Thanks for helping me find the book I was looking for.

I love you.

July 19, 2006

"The Dash"
© 1998 Linda Ellis

I read of a reverend who stood to speak
at the funeral of his friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning ... to the end.


He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth ...
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
the cars ... the house ... the cash.
what matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard …
are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left.
(You could be at "dash mid-range")

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile ...
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy’s being read
with your life’s actions to rehash …
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent your dash?

July 18, 2006

"What does not kill me, makes me stronger."
-Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888

July 16, 2006

Please help me to rediscover what purpose and role that I am to play in this life. If it is true that everyone and everything has a time, a place and a reason for being...please show me what mine is.

I have had to change almost everything that I once knew and everything that was familiar to me since 12/13. I only hope that somehow the peace and serenity and fulfillment that I once knew can somehow be recaptured. I need to feel that sensation, even if it isn't exactly the same. Everything feels "off" since you died. Time doesn't even feel the same. It is the strangest and indescribable sensation and I don't feel like I understand the phenomenon. You would think after all this time that I would but I don't. I just attribute the majority of the past experiences in the last 2 1/2+ years to the fact that I lost the love of my life forever. Will things change for me? Ever?

I love you.

July 16, 2006

“To be a warrior is not a simple matter of wishing to be

one. It is rather an endless struggle that will go on to

the very last moment of our lives. Nobody is born a

warrior, in exactly the same way that nobody is born an

average man. We make ourselves into one or the other.”

~Carlos Castaneda~

July 13, 2006

I am so disappointed. I feel like this is a reoccuring theme in my life. I remember when the Danny, Molly & Joe told me that grieving/healing process would take anywhere from two to five years. I know tomorrow is two years and seven months...and how I wish I knew that at some point in time, things would feel "better". I realize that I have healed a great deal, but some days it still feels so horribly lonely and I truly miss my best friend. For those that have never lost their spouse, it encompasses such a huge loss because typically your husband or wife doesn't just fit into one role in your life.

I love you.
I miss you.

P.S. Please give my brother a great birthday today. I know he misses the bond that the two of you shared so much. He still thinks he can kick your --- playing PS2 Madden...LOL ;)

July 12, 2006

For Those In Doubt
Have confidence in yourself to do what you think is right.
Fear not what others might say.
Press ahead with determination and dignity.
Strive with all the energy you have.
Ignore criticism from those who cannot see.
Have the strength to pursue your vision.
And in the end you will achieve your goal.
For what is right will succeed.
It is then that others will learn from what
you have done, and make it all worthwhile.



© Derek Dobson 2005

July 8, 2006

BELIEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

July 8, 2006

I saw you last night in my dream. You were wearing your tan hat, plaid shirt and you reached over to grab my hand..you had tears in your eyes because I was telling you how much I missed you :(
I loved seeing you, my love!

P.S. I know you love my "Frank the Tank" shirt that I wore to the gym today! I think about you doing your imitation of Will F. right after the movie had come out.

July 6, 2006

Ironically, Ghost was on t.v. last night. I watched it for the first time in a LONG time. The post that someone had left for you regarding how our love story reminded them of Ghost brought tears to my eyes. Not many understand or give much thought to after-death communication. I am glad that we are able to still talk, and I thank you for the messages and signs that you continue to send.

July 4, 2006