Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VERK!!!

January 5, 2007

HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY!!!! FOREVER 27, FOREVER YOUNG!!

January 3, 2007

Honey,
I have been thinking that perhaps this year will hopefully be one that I can finally find whatever the heck my "new normal" is supposed to be. While it is true that I have established new routines, new schedules and live in a different place than where we used to live, I still crave that feeling. The feeling that I am where I want to be, and the feeling of great accomplishment. I know it is quite an accomplishment to write my thesis and finish graduate school, so that is probably my biggest accomplishment for 2006. What sucks is you aren't here to tell me how proud you are. It feels good to be done with school, but I don't feel as excited about things as I used to be when you were alive.

I have had a rough holiday season. I have tried to be as upbeat as possible, however, it has not been easy. Inside I feel terribly sad and alone. While others were celebrating "the most wonderful time of the year", I was remembering how you never came home that horrible morning of December 13th. I was remembering my mom and I staring at the clock on Xmas day, watching one of the longest days of our lives slowly creep on. After Xmas, I left the house and I begged my mom to take the tree down, as it was a painful reminder of the Xmas that never was for us. There were to be so many firsts that year...celebrating our first Xmas in our new home that we bought together, our first Xmas as a married couple, our first really awesome tree with all of our hockey ornaments that you had collected over the years. I even bought you that fishing book that you had mentioned that you wanted. I knew you would have been totally stoked to open it, as you didn't think I was listening to you at the time that you mentioned the author's name. It really sucks that I didn't get to give you that gift.

I know you know what the last few days have entailed for me. I know that you sent me that sign to let me know that you took care of Libby when she crossed over. It sucked to have to say good bye to her, especially this time of year. I know you will take great care of her and give her "free pets" and all the chicken she can possibly eat.

I love you..

January 1, 2007

Bryan, be with Juli as she starts another year without you! rest in peace.

December 31, 2006

ETERNAL LOVE

Author: Tracy Renee Shierling

I wonder if I dreamed of you-
if you would appear?
To make my nights full of love,
and always hold me near.

I wonder if I thought of you-
if you would feel it in your soul?
Like two spirits in the universe,
who always seem to know.

Even if the stars went black
and the sun were to shine no more.
They could find their way to each other,
no matter how far the shore.

Safely in each other's arms,
to bid the rest of time.
Finding Eternal Love
so many seek to find.

Caring for each other
through the worst of storms.
Leaning on the arms of love
and never need anymore.

This is how I feel for you,
I've known it all along.
You are my one true love
My world.. My heart.. My soul!

December 28, 2006

B,
Please take care of Officer Bessant and show him around, introduce him to all of your friends and family on the Other Side. I cannot stop thinking and praying for his wife and for his son that never even got to spend one Xmas with his dad. I love you and miss you more than words can say.

December 28, 2006

Juli, thinking of you today and hoping you are finding some
happiness on this long journey. I know that this time of the year is awful for you and the time leading up to Bryan's Birthday. Know that you are thought of often and Bryan too!

LG

December 26, 2006

Merry Christmas from Heaven

I still hear the songs
I still see the lights
I still feel your love
On cold wintery nights

I still share your hopes
and all of your cares
i’ll even remind you
to please say your prayers

I just want to tell you
you still make me proud
you stand head and shoulders
above all the crowd

Keep trying each moment
To stay in His grace
I came here before you
To help set your place

You don’t have to be
perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip
if you continue the climb

To my family and friends
please be thankful today
i’m still close beside you
in a new special way

I love you all dearly
Now don’t shed a tear
Cause I’m spending my
Christmas with Jesus this year.

Copyright 1990
John Wm. Mooney Jr.

December 25, 2006

I wish this time of year would already be over. Why is it dragging on and on and on....?!?

Please help me get through the next few days. I can't wait till it is all over and done with. I miss you so much!

December 24, 2006

My Love,

Since I haven't been around my computer for a few days, I am leaving you a reflection for 12/13/03 a little later than I had anticipated.

My mom and I were talking a lot about the night that you came into the ER. She feels like you coming to SJRMC was almost like my last gift to you. I mean how do you explain the chain of events that led me to be there at THAT moment? I had been working at Memorial for sevne and a half years, and three months before you died I transferred to the ER where you would be coming to that night. You can't explain certain things like that.

Although you were already clinically dead, I know that you heard me tell you how much I loved you, over and over again. I rubbed your head and held you in my arms as the trauma team tried valiantly to save your life. I will never forget the lab tech who so thoughtfully offered me a pillow to put under my knees, since I was kneeling at the head of your bed. I have discovered that it is totally bizarre the things that you remember about a tragedy, even years after it occurrs.

Three years later, things have certainly changed. As previously noted in one of my posts, some changes have been good, and some terribly bad. But with life comes changes, and any survivor can tell you what it takes to adapt, overcome and attempt to succeed again. I think my journey has taken so much more time because my love for you is still so strong, and our relationship was definitely awesome on so many different levels.

My relationship with you is still alive, albeit on another plane. I have done so much reading, research and learning about psychic and holistic healing. There is so much more to our spirits than our limited time on this Earth.

Today, I found myself thanking God for what we DID get to have together. I have definitely had my happiness with you. I am also given the blessing of such an awesome and supportive family. They have always given me so much love and support whether it be spoken or unspoken words of inspiration. I am thankful for the ability to spend time with family, and most of all I am thankful that I was able to spend four and a half years of my life with you in it. You taught me what it was like to love and to be loved so wholly and completely. Before you came into my life, there was a LONG time where I never thought that any of those things would happen for me, but they did...with YOU :)

I will always love you and be thankful for the lessons that you taught me. I have grown into a much better person than I would have ever imagined because of the adversity, tragedy and severity of loss of losing you.

My Love,
I Miss You...

Always and Forever,
Your Wife

December 15, 2006

Thinking of you and your family this day.

Maryland Citizen

December 13, 2006

Never forgotten today, tomorrow, forever!

December 13, 2006

B~~
Everyone at the station thought of you and Tom today. We think of you every day. We miss your laugh. We miss your jokes. We just miss YOU.
We are better people for having known you. We love you, Bryan.

Mishawaka Police Department Employee

December 13, 2006

Juli,

You are always in my thoughts, but especially today. I know Bryan is looking down on you and is extremely proud of you and your accomplishments since his death. I too am extremely proud of you!

With love and hugs...always.

Jenn

December 13, 2006

May Our Lord give you sweet sleep and comfort and strength to your loved ones.

December 13, 2006

Dear Bryan,
Just wanted you to know that we are remembering your sacrifice on this day 3 years ago! You will never be forgotten. We continue to lift your family up in our prayers, and hope they can somehow find some peace. Thank you for the life you led!

December 13, 2006

Bryan~
You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers today and always.
Thank you for the ultimate sacrifice. Please watch over your fellow officers with a steady hand. May God bless you.

Juli~
Thinking of you today as always. I have read your postings over the last three years and I want to let you know my thoughts are with you constantly. May you continue on your journey with the grace of God and know that Bryan will never be forgotten. I know that he is looking down on you smiling and so proud of you. The love that you had for one another is amazing. You are an inspiration to all!~

Wife of a St. Joseph Co Police Officer

December 13, 2006

GOD BLESS YOU JULI ON THIS SAD DAY!! KNOW YOU AND BRYAN ARE
ALWAYS THOUGHT OF ESPECIALLY ON THIS DAY!! YOU HAVE COME A LONG WAY ON THIS ROAD OF RECOVERY AND I HOPE THAT YOU FEEL US LIFTING YOU UP IN PRAYER!!!

December 13, 2006

Hey Bryan -

I just wanted to write and let you know everyone in Ft Myers FL is thinking of you at the end of watch quickly approaching. I will definately be keeping Jules in my prayers as I always do. You never should have been taken from this Earth - but I trust you are enjoying Heaven and you have met my Daniel.
Jules- I hope you are doing well! By the sound of things it sounds like you are. I know you miss Bryan and will never stop missing him. As I read the reflections on this page that you leave for him your true love shines in what you write. I hope life is treating you well in California and I want you to know I will be thinking of you on Bryan's EOW.
Love you
- Jessica
Fiancee of Police Officer Daniel Starks
EOW 10.25.03

December 12, 2006

Honey,
I now have new plans for April. I hope it is the right thing. You know I got a great love for case law from you. Throughout my grad school forensic education, my love for criminal law and procedure grew. Who knows? Maybe I will lose interest before then (lol).

It is a mere week until your EOW. The past several weeks have not been easy by any means, but at least I am way more busy than I have been in quite some time. To be honest with you, it feels great to be busy, productive and doing some of the things that I used to do before you died.

Looking back, I have come full circle. SO much has changed but then there are parts of me that I have had to fight to re-claim since you died. I decided that I will not let him shoot me dead too. I will not let him win...

No matter how much time passes, one thing remains certain. You will always be the One. Always and forever. After the love that we shared, one doesn't just pick up and "move on". I am so proud to call you my husband. I miss you. EVERYTHING about you. I close my eyes and I can remember how your eyes sparkled when you looked at me, the way your fingertips curved up slightly at the ends, or your beautiful smile.

I have a hard time believing it will be the three year EOW in just seven days.

I love you.

I miss you!

December 6, 2006

Walkerton still remembers and honors you, Big V. Hard to believe 3 years have gone by. I know that you wish your family a holiday season filled with joyful memories of you, laughter, and peace.

Godspeed, Blue Angel!

friend

December 5, 2006

Soon it will be the 3rd anniversary of your end of watch and I wanted to stop and leave a reflection. I have decorated the exterior of my house in all Blue Lights in honor of fallen officers, one of those lights is lit in your memory and will be lit every night until after New Years. You will never be forgotten. Continue to watch over your loved ones and the road down here can be a real bumpy one and sometimes lonely, but I want your loved ones to know that they are not alone. You are a true hero.

Bob Gordon
Father of Fallen Officer: Michael P. Gordon, EOW: 8/8/04

December 5, 2006

Juli,

So often i come to this site and read your reflections. They bring tears to my eyes every time. As i drive through Mishawaka, there are still signs up remembering Bryan and Tom. I hope you can take comfort in knowing they have not been forgotten here. I lost my brother-in-law, a New York fire chief, on December 1st, 1997. He died of a massive heart attack at the scene of a fire set by an arsonist. He and my sister had only been married 8 and a half months. The holiday season has never been the same. Although I don't understand completely what you are going through, I have a good idea. My heart goes out to you Juli. Bryan will always be a hero here in Mishawaka. Please know that your reflections and the love you show for your husband have touched many. We will be thinking of you on 12/13. Sending you a hug....Tricia in Mishawaka

December 2, 2006

Juli, I'm happy to see by your reflections that your journey is not all up hill anymore and you are having good days. Time does heal and things you once thought you could not do you are doing!! One day you will be very happy again! Bryan will always be a part of you no matter where life takes you. Don't be afraid to move forward and be happy, Bryan would want that for you.

December 1, 2006

We never met but I heard a lot about you. You are one helluva man to have won the heart of my toughest most stubborn friend.

I realize this is over due but I have never been good with loss or words regarding such.

Take comfort in knowing she is being looked after whether she needs it or not. Someday you two will be reunited and heaven help us all!

Thank you for your service.

Lesley
A friend

November 29, 2006