Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

How many different ways can I say that I miss everything about you? Healing, grieving, hurting are all words that are highlighted in my vocabulary. The world barely makes sense on a daily basis. It definitely doesn't seem like a "nice" place to be sometimes. When I watch the news at night there seems to be so much negativity. We are almost desensitized as a Nation to the violence. It's sad really. The realization that my heart feels so different now than before is certainly hard to grasp. The hole is so large, so empty. Bandaids won't help either :) I've tried everything there is to try, but I just keep surviving and hoping that someday, somehow, someway....life will make sense. I love you and miss you.

July 20, 2007

I think that as long as the Earth spins on it's axis, there will always be controversy, irritation, anger, violence and confusion. That is just the world that we live in. The sooner that everyone accepts it, the better off they will be.

July 19, 2007

I was thinking today about where my life is going. I am not really so sure that I always know how, when, where or why. I think that this is really part of healing is attempting to re-define one's self according to who you become after lose "the better half". I suppose I just keep trying to make the best of what I was given, and that is all that anyone could ever ask for. I love you.

July 11, 2007

Happy 4th of July Love! I remember the 4th that we spent together, but one of the most memorable was the one where we engaged in a water gun fight. That was by far one of the most fun holidays that we spent together. I miss you. Thanks for the monarch this morning.

July 4, 2007

The Verklers had an amazing love !!! We should all have the love and respect and dedication that Julie and Bryan shared! It is true that it takes someones tragedy to wake us up to the love we have in front of us!!!! hold it close, hold it now because it could all be gone in a blink!

God Bless Juli and Bryan and all family that has suffered this tragedy.

July 2, 2007

Big Poppa V...

Miss you man. You know, reading the postings by your wife really shows you exactly what love is and how strong it can be. I find it to be absolutely amazing.

Beven

June 30, 2007

Juli,

I just felt that I needed to leave something here tonight. Since talking to you again, after all of these years, I cannot help but come here a couple of times a week. I am humbled by your continued reflections on here...just letting him know how your day was, etc. To have loved that strong....well, it is what I have decided to strive for......I love David with all that I am but until I came across this page, I took him for granted. I come here to remind myself that it could all be gone....It makes me love him harder....if that makes sense. I have always thought a lot of you as a person and was always glad to have known you. At this point in our lives, I have to say that you are more amazing than I ever knew. I respect your love so much. Thank you for opening my eyes to realize that I need to love what is right in front of me. I think of you always. You know how to contact me if you ever need me. Not sure what help I would ever be...just an ear if needed.

Shannon
friend

June 30, 2007

It seems thing aren't quite going the way that I would like. I'm not sure if this is some test of my patience or not. Either way, it's not very much fun. I miss our talks, the way that you instilled so much love and understanding in every single one of our conversations (even the heated ones :). I miss having someone "get" me. I feel like I have to try so hard with everyone else and it's making me feel misunderstood. God, what I wouldn't do for just one more minute of having you wrap your arms around me...just one minute...

June 22, 2007

Julie,
I am very sorry for your loss! I haven't left a message here because by the time I became a LEO, I did not know of this page.

I just want you to know MY last rememberance of Bryan,,

I just got out of a training session for SBPD and was at Kroger's in Mishawaka shopping wearing a SBPD t-shirt (clearly labeled front and back, cammo pants, badge at my side and my handgun on my side in clear view.

Well, evidentally, some old lady called MPD about some guy with a gun pushing a shopping cart. LOL!!!

Well, who do you think starts walking up to me but BRYAN!! He took one look at me and realized the OBVIOUS. He looked at me from an aisle away and I looked at him and he smiled at me, started laughing, waved a Hello/goodbye to me and turned around and walked out! As I was checking out, the old checkout lady saw the OBVIOUS and apologized for calling the Police on the Police. I must have laughed at that for the next couple of days!! THAT was the last time I saw Bryan. He was a true "Gentle Giant"! The world lost a great one! Good luck to you Julie on the "new" life and we here still miss and love you too!!

Chuck~
Your old "Vicki's" friend

Cpl. Chuck
SBPD

June 19, 2007

I saw the white butterfly today during Tess and I's hike. Thank you.

June 17, 2007

Today marks three and a half years since you were killed. When I think back through all of that time, it honestly feels like twice as long. How could I make it this long without seeing you, talking to you, holding you or feeling you next to me every night? It remains a mystery to me to this day. So much has changed since that night. The changes that I've personally made have been absolutely correct and right for me. I am glad that I made decisions prior to the year marker. Some of those decisions were some of the best decisions of my life. They say that sometimes when you win, you really lose. I understand that completely. I also hear that it is better to have loved and lost than not to have ever been loved at all. In some ways I agree, but I just hoped that my life would not have revolved around loss and grieving at such a young age. While most people were planning families, I was planning your funeral. All in all, I know you are extremely proud of me, as I know you see what I have done to improve and change my life for the better. I will always be your wife. I will always continue on with diginity, grace and strength, enough for the two of us.

I love you and miss you.

June 13, 2007

I think the garden is coming along well. You would always laugh at me because you always said "Honey puts Miracle Grow on EVERYTHING!". Now there is the liquid version of it out called Liquifeed :). The tomatoes are almost over the fence they are ginormous. My garden isn't as big as our garden used to be, but I will always have somethings in my garden as it is something that we used to do together. (Although, if I remember correctly, I did all of the weeding, and you did a lot of the picking.) I love you.

June 11, 2007

My, your love has stayed the same as if Bryan never passed. I can only imagine your pain and suffering over this past 4 years. You are and always will be a rock of strength! Time will not erase the love or feelings you shared!! You will see Bryan again.

June 5, 2007

Honey~
Thank you for the reading today. It was more than I could have ever hoped for or wanted. You never fail to amaze me. I love you and miss you.

June 3, 2007

Hey Bryan, you're still in our thoughts. We'll never forget what you and Tom sacrificed that cold night. Miss you big man.

Cpl. Dube
Mishawaka PD

June 2, 2007

HOW SOON IS NOW
Lyrics/Artist:The Smiths


I am the son
And the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am Human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

I am the son
And the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and the heir
Of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am Human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

There's a club, if you'd like to go
You could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go, and you stand on your own
And you leave on your own
And you go home
And you cry
And you want to die

When you say it's gonna happen now,
Well, when exactly do you mean?
See I've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone

May 27, 2007

I just wanted to tell you....

I LOVE YOU!!

May 23, 2007

Thinking of you!!

May 21, 2007

Happy Anniversary Verkules!!

May 18, 2007

4 years ago today, we took our vows to be man and wife and promised for better or worse & swore that the only way that we would ever be separated is by death. Little did we know that 7 1/2 months after we took our vows, our beautiful lives together would end. I saw you in my dream the night before last and I know in my heart it was my early Anniversary present. It is amazing that you can still give gifts to me. For anyone who has ever doubted life after death, I think they should definitely talk to me and I can change their mind. The contours of your shaved head, your eyes, the way your lips felt on mine were so completely REAL. The things that we talked about I needed answers to. Thank you for your visit. I miss you all the time, but days like today are a lot more difficult to endure.

Happy Anniversary My Dear Husband.

May 17, 2007

Mrs. Verkler, see, you are healing, you may not realize it but the pain comes in a different way now, you can cope. This is healing! Life throws some hard curve balls and it takes time but you get back up to bat and move to 1st then 2nd, 3rd and on so on so eventually we all will run home one day to our loved ones and the lord. Enjoy DC this year and be their like you always are for those new survivors who you know are at a place you couldn't stand to be at one time. You have a mission in life and it seems to be to help other people, with your career as a nurse and your grieving experience as a wife. God bless you and safe travels.

May 12, 2007

I have been putting together some thoughts about life the past three years and almost 5 months. As police week comes, our anniversary comes, it is hard to believe that it will be an actual 3 1/2 years in June. Is that possible? Of course I know it is, because the calendar tells me so, but my heart often wonders how I made it this far. I remember when everything first happened and how heavy my chest felt, it was such a task just to take breaths in and out. I feel that feeling returning, but not to the same extent. I wish we could've celebrated at least one wedding anniversary. I remember when we were checking out of the Hotel del and you told the gentleman as we were checking out, "we want to come back for our one year anniversary, we loved it here!" It's funny the way time goes on how you remember different memories.
Thinking of you and missing you, My Love.

May 10, 2007

Julie, Thinking about you and Bryan during this time...again. It seems that you can not escape the pain, it
rehashes over and over and over each year. It still does
not seem like it would be possible that Bryan is gone. Our
prayers go out the Bryans Mom and Dad and Brother. May the
lord keep you close.

May 10, 2007

It's hard to believe that it's time for another Police Week already. One of the harder things to digest is the fact that on the 17th, we would be celebrating our 4 year wedding anniversary. I will always have my own remembrance and reflection for that day, as we never got to even celebrate our 1st year anniversary! I love you and miss you.

May 9, 2007

May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields and,
Until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand...

May 1, 2007