Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Happy Thanksgiving Bryan! Thinking of you always.

Anonymous

November 27, 2008

Thinking of you during this difficult time. I hope your doing well up there. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, I am sure you are sharing this day with all the other officers who left us. God bless you and know that even after almost 5 years the pain is just as fresh.

Anonymous

November 27, 2008

Not so happy about what's coming up. This is truly the worst time of the year. Even after almost 5 years in just a few days, all of the xmas songs open up old wounds. I miss you so much. Nothing has really changed in reference to that. I doubt that any amount of time will fill the hole in my heart that was left when you died. I've seen these poems SO many times, but I still love them...

Say Bryan

The time of concern is over. No longer am I asked how I am doing. Never is the name of my husband mentioned to me. A curtain descends. The moment has passed. A life slips from frequent recall. There are exceptions...close and comforting friends, sensitive and loving family. For most, the drama is over. The spotlight is off. Applause is silent. But for me, the play will never end. The effects on me are timeless. Say Bryan to me.

On the stage of my life, he has been both lead and supporting actor. Do not tiptoe around the greatest event of my life. Love does not die. His name is written on my life. The sound of his voice replays within my mind. You feel he is dead. I feel he is of the dead and still lives. You say he was my husband, I say he is. Say Bryan to me and say Bryan again.

It hurts to bury his memory in silence. What he was in the flesh has now turned to ash. What he is in spirit, stirs within me always. He is of my past, but he is part of my present. He is my hope for the future. You say not to remind me. How little you understand I cannot forget. I WOULD NOT IF I COULD. I forgive you, because you cannot know. I strive to not judge you, for yesterday I was like you.

I do not ask you to walk this road. The ascent is steep and the burden heavy. I walk it not by choice. I would rather walk it with him in the flesh. I am what I have to be. What I have lost you cannot feel. What I have gained you cannot see. Say Bryan, for he is alive in me.

He and I will meet again, though in many ways we have never parted. He and his life play light songs on my mind, sunrises and sunsets on my dreams. He is real and he is shadow. He was and he is.

He is my ever present hope and I love him as I always did.

Say Bryan to me and say Bryan again.

~author unknown~


A Million Times
Author Unknown

A million times I've missed you,
A million times I've cried.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
To some you are forgotten, to others just part of the past;
But to me who loved and lost you, your love will always last.
It broke my heart to lose you, you didn't go alone;
For my life went with you sweetheart, the day God called you home.

For things on earth didn't matter, and now I feel so alone.
My heart will always be broken, my life will never be whole,
Until i see you again, on God's golden shore.
God's garden must be beautiful, for you are there to stay,
The rose of love within me will bloom again someday.

We might be parted for awhile, our hearts will always be together,
For one day soon we will hold hands again forever.



If Tears Could Build A Stairway

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again.
No farewell words were spoken,
No time to say goodbye,
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why.

My heart still aches in sadness,
And secret tears still flow.
What it meant to lose you,
No one will ever know.
But now I know you want me,
To mourn for you no more.
To remember all the happy times,
Life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten,
I pledge to you today,
A cherished place within my heart,
Is where you'll always stay.

Author Unknown

I
Love You

November 21, 2008

hey big country!!!
what's crackin' i was listening to some music last night and i start cryin' and thinking about you and tom. i wish that i could have known you and tom better i only saw you two a couple of times and then when i heard about you and tom gettin shot, that truly tore me apart well i miss u alot b, stay sweet and take care of your wife

Anonymous

November 19, 2008

I miss you.

Love,
Your Wife

November 15, 2008

One month until your 5 year EOW....how can that be???

Anonymous

November 14, 2008

You are one dedicated and beautiful women Juli! I read alot of the reflections on here and how after about the 3rd or 4th year the surviving spouse moves on to another marriage. I often wonder if its just they don't want to be lonely or they really can fall in love again?? My thought was and maybe that's why I could never move forward is one day you will reunite in heaven with the person who died and if you remarry how can you go to heaven and be with the one you lost? I have asked god to answer that and I have not gotten a answer. God bless you for your undying love of Bryan. I am sure he is waiting for you with open arms when it's your time.

Anonymous

November 13, 2008

'Tis the season that the commercials are coming, the decorations are up at Costco and everyone seems to be pressuring the public to "think X-mas"....

I don't want to think about X-mas. I want to wake up and have it be 2009 already. I am thinking that it gets a tiny bit easier, but there won't be many celebrations of "that time of year" around my home. I will uphold your memories and love you until the day I die.

A lot of people don't get the whole "Soul mate" thing. I found a great reference below:

Excerpt taken from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


"Soulmate (or soul mate) is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality and/or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join."

I remember people speculated at your visitation how long it would be until I remarried. I guess they were ALL wrong, huh?

I saw a great example of what I would have liked our lives to be on "Grey's Anatomy" last week. This couple that had been married for 40+ years were contemplating whether the wife would have brain surgery because the risk of course, was death. They agreed to have the surgery and she came out of the O.R. in a bad way. The husband started to do CPR on the wife when her she lost her heart rate. It was the saddest thing I have seen in a long time. Of course, it brought back a ton of memories. Seeing them thump on your chest in the trauma room, looking at your pale face, feeling your cool skin and knowing in my heart that I would never again see you alive.

BTW, as I write this, Sarah Mc Laughlin's song "Hold On" came up on my playlist. No coincidence, I am sure. You and I used to listen to her quite a bit. It's only recently that I put her CD on my iPod. Now, I've been listening to her in my shuffle list. That, AND A Perfect Circle, "Thirteenth Step", the last concert that we went to see together.

I miss you my husband, my love, my best friend....

Anonymous

November 12, 2008

i never knew you big country, but you had a good heart. it's a shame that you were taken away from your wife. rest well good solider and stay fly in heaven. xoxo

theresa laurence
citizen

November 3, 2008

There are different stages of grief and not only reading your reflections but others as well you can see the tremendous effect that each death has caused each family. There is no certain time alloted to grieve, each person goes through it in there own way and time, but what is certain is that eventually no matter what you can heal and move forward with your loved one in your heart. The family or spouse is never the same person especially when they are taken from them violently. Life is a journey we all have to walk through and some of us are handed terrible situations to deal with. I just can't believe have simalar the grieving process is for alot of the men and women on here and how about the 3 or 4 year mark they are getting better and better at dealing with the loss. God Bless you and your wife and know one day you will be re-united in heaven in the arms of the lord.

Anonymous

November 3, 2008

Happy All- Hallows- Eve Bryan!!!!

Anonymous

October 30, 2008

Oh Juli, It is good to read that you are able to finally move on with Bryan in your heart. Gosh, you could write a book on the Grief Journey alone! Your reflections are beautiful, from the raw and not knowing reflections to the last one of not happiness but maybe content. Whatever it is its your feelings and you have done so much for others you don't even know.

Anonymous

October 9, 2008

It's hard to believe that we are quickly approaching the five year marker of your death. It is always amazing how it seems like so much longer. I am a firm believer that time changed in those first few moments that you were brought into the ER. Technically, time didn't change, but in my heart and mind it did. I am so glad that I made so many changes and continued to live my life no matter what anyone said or did. I had to let go of so many feelings and forgive so many people of wrong doing, and I am proud of myself for letting go. Being an angry, bitter person just wasn't my style : ) It's funny how there is SO much happened to me and so much that people don't even know what I endured after you died. Perhaps, someday, I will tell my story. I am thinking of you as Halloween approaches. We would have totally had our pumpkins carved by now. One of my favorite pictures of you is the one in my kitchen on La Salle St. holding up the smiley part of the pumpkin that you just carved. That is so you, so hilarious and fun-loving.

xoxoxoxo

Anonymous

October 7, 2008

I miss you.

Anonymous

September 23, 2008

i wish that i knew you but you were a good man

rest in peace

theresa laurence
citizen

September 18, 2008

"Those that have suffered much are like those who know many languages; they have learned to understand and to be understood by all."
~Madame Swetchine~

Is it possible that it will be five full years soon? How unlikely I thought that that could be as I wrote 9/13/08 down at work the other day. It feels like ten, twenty years at least since I have seen your smile, heard your laughter, felt your embrace and felt the warmth of your lips on mine. Missing you.....

Anonymous

September 16, 2008

Juli, I thought of you when I heard this song.

You're Still Here"
Faith Hill

Thought I saw you today
You were standing in the sun then you turned away
And I know it couldn't be
But my heart believed
Oh it seems like there's something everyday
How could you be so far away
When you're still here
When I need you you're not hard to find
You're still here
I can see you in my baby's eyes
And I laugh and cry
You're still here

I had a dream last night
That you came to me on silver wings
And I flew away with you on a painted sky
And I woke up wondering what was real
Is what you see and touch or what you feel
'Cause you're still here
Oh you're everywhere we've ever been
You're still here

I heard you in a strangers laugh
And I hung around to hear him laugh again
Just once again
Thought I saw you today
You were standing in the sun then you turned away....

Anonymous

September 13, 2008

As I reflect on 9/11, I think of that day when you called me to ask if I had seen what had happened. You were in a class at Madison Center for training for the PD. We both knew as we watched the Towers fall that it tragically marked the end of certain freedoms as we knew it.

Now, since my life was changed so quickly, I readily identify with the families who were victims' that day. So many families lost their wives, husbands, aunts, uncles etc. So many children never got to see their parents' after they left for work that morning. Almost 100 children who weren't born yet, never even met their dad. I identify with the sadness, grief and remembrance of this day more than I ever thought that I would when it happened. When you see the 9/11 Souls in Heaven, please let them know that they will never be forgotten by those that loved them the most...their families'.

Anonymous

September 11, 2008

I was working as a Jail Officer at the St. Joseph County Jail in South Bend, IN on the night of December 13, 2003. I still remember the horror and sadness that I felt when I heard the call go out over the radio for an officer down. My heart and prayers go out to Bryan's family, as well as to the family of Corporal Roberts. I am currently in training to become a Police Officer with the FBI in Washington, DC. I want Bryan's family to know that he is not forgotten. Tomorrow, a day of training will be conducted in honor of this fallen hero. May Bryand Verkler rest in peace. Amen.

Officer Brian M. Jablonski
FBI Police

September 3, 2008

Thank you for your kind words. It is amazing to think that my reflections actually impact someone else. Although they are always from the heart, I just didn't know that someone would be positively impacted.

I have started to write down some of my memoirs and to write about the events that occurred the night you came into the ER. It is painful, but it needs to be written. There were so, SO many things that happened after you died that were not right. In chaos, nothing is right. I love you and not a day goes by that I don't think of you and the love that we had for one another.

Love,
J.

August 27, 2008

To Patrolman Bryan S. Verkler's WIFE,

It seems like forever that I have been reading your reflections. I have stayed up for hours at a time reading them. Sometimes I cry for you and sometimes I cheer for you! I don't know you and I didn't know Patrolman Verkler, but I think about you both virtually everyday. The progress you have made is so evident. Your reflections are written so that I can almost feel your pain sometimes. I can not imagine your pain if what I feel is one millionth of what you feel when I read your reflections. I hope you are doing well in your new job and in your move. I hope your reflections never stop, but if they did I would think about you and Patrolman Verkler for the rest of my life I think. Sometimes after visiting your reflections, I go in and hug my kids or hold my wife. One thing is for sure though. I regret leaving Law Enf. everyday, but I am glad for my families sake that I did leave. I can't imagine my 4 children (15, 13, 3, 2) being left without their father. My daughters teacher (a few years ago) was married to a police officer who was shot and killed by someone he was chasing on foot after a pursuit. They had 2 small daughters. She is remarried and her new husband keeps their "Hero Father's" picture up in their home. He didn't know their dad, but is doing the honorable thing. Hopefully someday you will be happy in all aspects of your life whatever that means to you. You may be their now. "Happy" probably has a different meaning to you than it does me or anyone else. "Happy" probably means something different to you today than it did before the night the shooting happened. I hope you carry on and I hope you keep letting us know how you are doing. I have spoken to other officers and their families and more often than not... They know about you and Patrolman Verkler. You have touched more peoples lives than you could ever imagine. One State Trooper friend of mine will sometimes contact me to see if I have gotten an update on your progress or not. Keep up the good fight. God will re-unite you with your Hero someday. You just keep on keepin on! God Bless You.

P.S. You may already be aware, but Morgan County Deputy Sheriff Starnes' (Indiana) reflections are another one that is closely followed, as his wife and two State Trooper sons often leave their reflections as well.

Deputy Sheriff - Former
Marion County Sheriff -Indpls

August 25, 2008

Dear Bryan,
Rest on and I know that you are taking care of Jule's from up above. No ONE can ever take away the memories and life that you 2 had shared.No ONE will ever understand or know the life that YOU and JULE'S shared together. You both have your sweet and everlasting memories of each other. No words from anyone will never take that away from each of you.You both live on in my heart and God bless you both.You BOTH are such very special people.ONLY YOU 2 KNOW HOW SPECIAL YOU ARE AND THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR MEMORIES WITH US ALL.

Anonymous

August 20, 2008

The other day I had an irresistible urge to call you and tell you something. It had been a long time since I had that happen. I miss you and the fact that we never even got a chance to start a family.

Love,
Your Wife

August 13, 2008

"If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden." ~Claudia Ghandi~

Anonymous

July 30, 2008

Wish me luck tomorrow. It's been a long time coming and I have put it off for so long. I am hoping that I will feel better in the long run. I love you.

Anonymous

July 30, 2008