Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

I left a reflection for you on Monday, but it seems it did not get posted, as the website is experiencing technical difficulties. I miss you very much. 5/13 brought a lot of memories for me because I thought back to 5 1/2 years almost to the day that I was at The Wall, making etchings of your name when I should have been at home, with you preparing for our first wedding anniversary.

This weekend will be filled of many memories of our special day. Our wedding day was absolutely wonderful and beautiful in so many different ways. I am still saddened by the short amount of time we had together.

I have always honored you at the NLEOMF Wall by sending you a wreath for the last 5+ years. This year, there will be an additional white rose with a blue ribbon, your name and badge number from an old friend who has family that is making the trek to D.C. The wreath is beautiful, I got a picture on my phone on Monday. It is a perfect tribute and honor to your Ultimate Sacrifice.

I love you and miss you....

Forever Missing You
J.

May 14, 2009

I will be thinking of you and saying some prayers for you this weekend, Juli!
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" Psalm 34:18

Tracy

May 13, 2009

Hey B...

I was thinking about you today. Still miss you walking the halls and sitting on the bench outside the exit door. Hope all is well in Heaven..tell Tom and Jerry hello for me. Miss you and will never forget you.

Tracie
MPD

May 5, 2009

Soon, it will be our wedding anniversary. It kind of sucks when I tell people that we never got to celebrate one year of being married. Our wedding anniversary always tends to coincide with NPW. There will be yet more names added on The Wall under yours. I have asked 1-2 people to stop by your name for me....

I love you.

Anonymous

April 20, 2009

happy late easter my big county

Anonymous

April 19, 2009

HAPPY EASTER BRYAN AND JULI

Anonymous

April 12, 2009

Juli -

You probably do not remember my name, but I worked with you at Goshen Hospital.

I think of and pray for you often!!

You are Bryan are not forgotten.

Addi

April 2, 2009

Today, the paper described the funerals and memorials as "families of four slain officers will take a step toward closure today following one of the darkest chapters of their lives." It's not just the darkest hour, it is totally and absolutely horrific. Honestly, there isn't a whole lot of closure. People love to stereotype and pigeon hole things that don't make sense into tiny packages until there is nothing left to try to make sense of. When someone shoots and kills your husband because he is a police officer, there isn't a whole lot of closure. Especially when they are out on parole. I pray for the families, but I know that there is such a significant amount of time that is going to pass before the widows even believe that their husbands just aren't coming home. I remember lying to myself saying that 'you were just on a really, really long fishing trip' as we had never been apart more than several days from the moment we started dating.

Time has passed since you died, but that doesn't change the emptiness in my heart. You will always and forever be the love of my life. I hope that no one tells the new widows that 3-5 years will mark the "new normal", because nothing was normal after you died. After 3 years, I kept waiting and waiting for the time to come where I would wake up and feel somewhat "normal". That time never came. No one really understands unless they understand Soul Mates. A lot of people like to pretend and say that they understand, but they don't. Not a lot of people on this Earth were as blessed as we were in our relationship. I remember how when you would come to see me in the ER, my heart did a little flip-flop when I saw you coming towards me. When you touched me, I felt heat. When I saw you, my pulse sped up and my face would often blush. All of the nurses' that I worked with would remark to me later, how "cute" we were together. Every time that you sent me a dozen roses to work, my heart would swoon. I'll never forget the one nurse who asked me if I worried about you right before we got married. I remember answering, "No". That's the type of law enforcement wife I was. I knew the risks (as a wife and a trauma nurse), but I was willing to jump in head first, no questions asked. I didn't worry about you. Ever. Boy, was I surprised the night I called dispatch... In my gut, I knew though. The first time I called your cell and you didn't answer, I knew but my gut wouldn't allow my brain to believe. That's the hazard of Soul Mates.


Learning to live with loss is very different than even the beginning stages of grief. 5 years and almost 4 months later, I still wouldn't call it a "new normal". I would call what I do more of a coping mechanism. My life is different, only because I was forced to change it. My path varied extremely, because you were forcibly taken from my life. This is NOT what I signed up for. I wanted the same things that everyone else does, a family with the love of my life. Instead, I am forced to walk alone.

God broke the mold after he made you honey.

I love you.

Anonymous

March 27, 2009

JULI, THE TRAGIC SHOOTING IN OAKLAND MADE ME THINK OF YOU AND BRYAN, I KNOW YOU DON'T COME HERE MUCH ANYMORE AND YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE THE HEALING PROCESS YOU WENT THROUGH FROM THOSE FIRST RAW REFLECTIONS TO THE ONES NOW THAT ARE VERY SHORT AND SWEET BUT TELL THAT LIFE IS STILL UNBEARABLE WITHOUT BRYAN BUT YOU LEARNED TO LIVE IT. GOD BLESS YOU AND I HOPE YOU FIND HAPPINESS AGAIN SOON, YOU SO DESERVE. OH YEAH, DON'T PAY MIND TO THOSE WHO DON'T REMEMBER YOU AS BRYANS WIFE, THOSE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO DON'T MATTER AND YOU SHOULD NOT REMEMBER!!!

Anonymous

March 23, 2009

The amount of time that you've been gone has no bearing on the amount that you are missed in my life, day to day.

I miss you as much now (5 years and 3 months later), more than ever. You make me marvel at how wonderful of a man that you were, and how awesome our relationship was.

Anonymous

March 16, 2009

Hey Boy... You are still an honorary lep (I still think your to large...but I will over look that) I miss you raggin me for bein a "mic". I think your the only human that called me that, consistently,that did not offend me.May god be with every member of your family, and yes Julie can be a LEP. I love you and miss you Bob (MIC) damn it

Cpl. Robert J McCahill #2039
MPD

March 16, 2009

I miss you.

Anonymous

March 12, 2009

Thinking of you. You were such a fantastic police officer.

Anonymous

March 6, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day Love...You always made this day very special.

Anonymous

February 14, 2009

This Season Of Grief

It hits like the first blast of winter.
Icy fingers spreading within, numbing, the mind, heart and soul.
Shrouding us in a protective haze..
Seeing, but not seeing
Knowing, but not knowing
Here in this season of grief.

The first hint of spring arrives, and the tiny seeds, well planted, begin to stir.
They take root and begin their journey of growth, spreading throughout.
So begins the seeing and knowing this season of grief.

The heat of the summer brings with it the storms.
The raging, the floods, the calm before.
All that was growing is entangled with weeds
Slowly suffocating all that it needs
Here in this season of grief.

The coolness of autumn settles within
Silently taking all that had lived.
The garden lies empty, barren and cold.
No place to hide..
For now we must know
Now we must see
That we have become this season of grief

The spring bursts upon us
The untended garden no more
For we have come through the winter
We let grow all the seeds
We weathered the storms and let ourselves bleed
For we began a new garden without even knowing
The scars on our soul no longer openly showing

One day we look back and sigh with relief...
For we have survived this season of grief.

by: Kathie Simensen © 1997

Anonymous

February 2, 2009

It seems that since I moved, I am not remembered as your wife....that's ok. I know who I am, and how much we loved each other.

I love you.

Anonymous

January 30, 2009

May those that love us, love us.
And those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles
So we will know them by their limping.

Irish Blessing

Anonymous

January 29, 2009

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free!
I follow the plan God laid for me.
I saw His face, I heard His call,
I took His hand and left it all...
I could not stay another day,
To love, to laugh, to work or play;
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
And if my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss...
Ah yes, these things I, too, shall miss.
My life's been full, I've savoured much:
Good times, good friends, a loved-one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief—
Don't shorten yours with undue grief.
Be not burdened with tears of sorrow,
Enjoy the sunshine of the morrow.



I have had to forgive so many for so many different things. God grant me the Peace, Wisdom and Knowledge to continue to forgive for those who trespass against us.

Anonymous

January 29, 2009

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Anonymous

January 29, 2009

Saint Michael the Archangel,defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
Cast into hell, Satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen

Anonymous

January 29, 2009

I am so thankful for your love and the relationship that we were granted. It is a once in a lifetime gift. I love you....

Anonymous

January 15, 2009

Happy Birthday..

Anonymous

January 6, 2009

Happy Birthday!! Thinking of you and your family today!

Anonymous

January 6, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous

January 2, 2009

A new year...hopefully this will be a good year. We always hope that this year is better than the last.

Anonymous

January 2, 2009