Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

I love you baby!!!!!

April 26, 2005

A HERO TO MORE THAN HE KNOWS. (c)2004

Emory - Ephrata, WA
brother of Ferry County WA Undersheriff, Matthew J. Lane, EOW 5/30/03

April 24, 2005

To Josh's family-

Josh taught defensive tactics to my MLEA Basic class (#118) about two months before his passing. I never really knew him too well, but news of his death hit me and the other members of my class very hard. He struck us all as being a warm and kind human being and impressed us with his professionalism. I'm glad I stumbled upon this website, because I'd like you all to know that Josh's passing impacted a LOT of people and he's in the thoughts of people he hardly knew.

I think of Josh whenever I do a traffic stop at 0300 and know my closest backup is 50 miles away.

I think of Josh whenever I get the chance to hug my kids when I go off-duty.

I think of Josh before I respond to every domestic.

I think of Josh whenever it's 95 degrees out and I'm complaining about how hot my body armor is. All of a sudden, it's not so uncomfortable anymore.

Josh taught us a lot of things at the Academy, but his passing taught us even more. It taught us to not take the little things for granted and to remember why we chose this line of work to begin with.

I can't imagine the pain you feel, but perhaps you can take some comfort in the knowledge that perhaps other officers' lives may be saved by the lessons learned from his passing. He was an excellent deputy and an even better person. Be proud.

God bless.

Deputy Patrick O'Connor
Sanders Co. Sheriff's Office

April 12, 2005

Baby Boy,

Your killers writ was turned down by the Montana Supreme Court. He will be sentenced on April 29. If we could just get you back when he goes to jail.
I miss you so much.

Mom

April 8, 2005

Josh,
I remember teaching you the first responder course at the Montana Law Enforcement Academy. You stuck out due to your professionalism, humor, and you gave 100% on every task. Your passing did not go with out every officer learning something from you. It has reminded me that no matter how many boring shifts you may have, danger is still just around the corner. You have to be ready at all times, no matter what "routine" calls you go on. I think of you every time I work a shift, and your family is in my thoughts! You are not forgotten!!

John Carlbom Reserve Deputy
Chouteau County Sheriff

March 27, 2005

I just returned from a Street Survival course in Bozeman. I wanted to thank you for your sacrifice for us. We are all warriors and may you never be forgotten.

Deputy Joe Fouhy
Daniels County Sheriff

March 18, 2005

Son,

I will be traveling home on April 15 for Grandma Teresa birthday and then I will wait for the sentencing. I wasn't going to go but changed my mind because I want Jackson to know that I will be at every court action even if he gets an appeal. Just like in life you knew that I would always be there for you, Death does not change that. I won't be able to stay home until memorial day. But I will be there when Jackson recieves his deserved death penalty.

I miss you more today then yesterday
Love, Mom

March 17, 2005

It has been awhile since I have been to this page. Its to hard sometimes to deal with everything and the fallacies. I know you know the truth and I hold that in my heart for comfort. You have touched my life and nobdoy can ever take that away from me. I know what we shared Joshua and I treasure every moment of it. I still feel your presence and your love. Thank you

March 15, 2005

Josh,

I miss you so much. I thought it would get easier as time went on. I miss you more now than when you first left. I think it's because reality has set in and I know that I will never be able to touch you again.

March 13, 2005

I need your wisdom and guidance these next couple weeks, please watch over me and keep me safe. I love you

March 10, 2005

josh, you have been on my mind a lot this past month. i am anxiously awaiting the sentencing of the coward that killed you. sometimes i feel bad for wanting to be there right in the front row when they tell him he will be sentenced to death, but you know what, i believe in an eye for an eye. he took you from us josh, and he should not be allowed to ever again walk on this earth. i know that one day he will meet his maker and then his real punishment will begin. until then, i want him and his family to suffer the way yours has. i love you, and think of your smiling face everyday.

melody zuhoski
aunt

March 8, 2005

I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I miss you so much. I dreamed about you a few weeks ago and it made me want to take you right out of my dreams and hug you. To see you was such a gift, if I cannot see you in my waking hours, why not in my dreams? You looked really happy, and it made me feel good, because I pray every day that you are happy wherever you may be. Some days I get depressed knowing that I cannot come home to you and have you hold me and make me feel safe again. Or to hear your soothing voice, telling me that we can make it through the tough times together and that I was not alone. I pray that you watch over me and continue to help me through the tough times in my life.

Not too long ago, I was asked to give my hand in marrige to a man that will never be what you were to me. The hurt of losing you is still too deep,I cannot begin to imagine a life time with someone else. You are the one I wanted to spend my life with. Now I know, the Creator had other plans for us. One day I hope to heal and find a good man to share my life with.

I love you with all my heart.

February 25, 2005

Uncle,
My mom and I think about you all the time. I always remember the crazy moments we had together. I really miss you a lot! You are the most best uncle anyone can ever have! Love you

Love your girl,
Raelynn Maxine Rider

Raelynn Maxine Rider
Harlem MT

February 13, 2005

You taught me so much. Your friendship, love, and laughter are things I will always cherish and hold dear to my heart. I know you are always with me for comfort and guidance. Thanks for everything, you will always fill a very special place in my heart. I love you.

February 6, 2005

Thanks for everything you do for us. We all miss you driving around in Harlem. You are a warrior. Peace be with you my brother

February 2, 2005

I miss you dady I hope you protect me




Your,
son Teague

Teague
harlem

January 24, 2005

JOsh,

A song just came on the radio by Uncle Kracker. I remember the last time I heard it with you. Teague, you and I were going out to the rez. It came on and Teague started to sing along with the song. You told Teague to sing it baby. The look of pride and love on your face is something that I hold on to. You were such a good father.

I will love you forever

January 24, 2005

Strength

Often times it is said, you never know what you have
The strength to carry on
Until your place in that position
When everything goes wrong

First cursing God, then praying, always asking why
Total numbness setting in
Giving up all hope
Can’t place where your life has been

But some how you trudge on
In somewhat of a daze
What have you done to deserve this
Over in your mind plays

How much more can I take
What is it he expects
I am only human
Need time to react

But I refuse to go down
I’ve much too much to fight for
I’ve dealt with worse than this
So swing open wide your doors

Loose upon me what you have
I’ve got my second wind
You won’t take me out
I’ll barely even bend

I’ll beat you with my hope
Destroy you with my faith
And in the end of this old battle
You’ll see I’ve won this race.

Dedicated to Officer Joshua Thomas Rutherford
January 19, 2005

January 19, 2005

Josh,

Another delay. Jackson's sentencing has been postponed until April. This time it works in my favor, won't have to be in Montana in the middle of the winter. I have been working hard at the sentencing. Getting letters from other parents and friends here in Denver. I believe that the death penalty is what Jackson deserves. We had plenty of discussions about the death penalty and war, I finally understand what you were talking about.

I love and miss you.

Mom

January 14, 2005

Love you Baby
-Your one true

January 6, 2005

josh, i am so sad to see that your mom is having a hard time with things. i know this is a difficult time for her, and i hope that things will get better for her. please watch over her during this hard time and help her have some peace. i can't believe you have been gone for almost 2 years. i think about you everyday and miss you dearly. you are my hero.

melody stanley
josh's aunt

January 4, 2005

Josh,

Just wanted to say Happy New year and that I love You and i miss you deeply, I think of you everyday and i know you are watching over all of us!!!!!

January 1, 2005

I pray for you and your family Josh. When i lived in harlem we had alot of fun...you jimmy and I. Thanks for being a friend and helping us out when we needed it.

Fabian McMillan

December 31, 2004

Josh,

I see a lot of people write about closure. I don't think that will ever happen for me. I loved from the moment that I knew you were under my heart. I called you Joshua even before the doctor com firmed that you were on the way. I will love you till I take my last breath.

The funny thing is I could care less what they do to Jackson because the end result is the same. I will never see you this side of heaven again.

Lately I have been thinking of you as a baby and a little boy. I will see a little head strong boy acting up in the department and it brings a smile to my face because that was you. I look at pictures of you when you were young and your biggest dream was a big wheel and a steep hill to go down. Later it was the diamond back bike and our rides down to ocean. I even think of your parakeet you trained to whistle when you walked in the room. You never had any ego problems.

I remember when you had your friends from Edgewater stay over and we ate cake for dinner because they had never done that before. I spoke to Troy on his wedding day. He was getting married in Las Vegas. He had a baby on the way. So he has has become a father for the first time at the ripe old age of 30.

I took out the pictures of me, Tammy and Gram and our last Christmas that we had together before Gram left. We were all so happy. And then there that Christmas when Thomas got the table and chair set. It had to be set just right so he could pose with his table.

I remember the dinners at Jen's grandma house. The house was so filled with love and the smell of Larry's fry bread.

I have decided not to go to the sentencing because I think the boys should be able to give an impact statement.

Jackie and I have prepared a power point demonstration and Yvonne will read my letter. I picked out the best pictures I could find that would reflect your spirit. I spent every day at the trial reliving that last night with you. I still have many unanswered questions. My one regret is that I didn't get to hold you and say so long and not goodbye. I wish I could of done that night they brought you back from Missoula but I was worried about how your death would impact others. I wanted the best funeral so people would know that you were a hero and had been since 1974. So I wish I would of taken the time to just grieve.

Well my baby boy it is my second Christmas with out and now Lil Jimmy is up there with you. I picked up a shift on Christmas so others can spend the holidays with their families. Jim has probably talked your ear off by now.

I will probably be in Montana the week of the sentencing as that is divisional tournaments so maybe I will get to see Wil play. I remember when Wil taught Thomas the ninja dance. I am glad that I have so many memories of happy days as well as the bad days. It was you that carried me through those days.

Happy Holidays, I know you are with the Creator so save me a spot.

So I still don't know what closure means because I will miss you every day for the rest of my life.

Mommie

December 23, 2004

This past week I saw a man that resembled you. I could not take my eyes off of him. Just the way he walked, stood, and moved all together made me think of you. I wished I could have just closed my eyes and when I opened them it would be you and not some stranger.

A lonely soul

December 21, 2004