Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

I find so many thoughts going thru my mind tonight. I keep thinking about how I survived going off of a mountain and how one minute I was wide awake and then the next thing I knew I woke up many hours later unaware of how long I had been unconscious and what had been going on around me during that time I was out of it. I find myself wondering why I survived something like that and you didn't. I feel so much guilt sometimes especially when I am looking into your mother's eyes knowing how much she misses you and would give anything to have you back. It is just so unfair. I don't know why you are gone and I am still here. I just need some explanation and I know I am never going to get it. Our lives would be so different had you lived. I don't know if it would have been a perfect life but it would have been a very happy one regardless. I know I should not be having these thoughts but I do. I so look forward to the day that we are together again. I miss you so very much my dear baby cousin. I will always love you!

Love Always,
Lynn

Lynn

May 30, 2014

Miss you.

Lynn

May 21, 2014

Well my sweet son. I am going to Washington for the candlelight vigil. It's always on my birthday. There will be tears but I always feel so close to you there. You are shown so much respect which you deserve . I would have it no other way. I will hold a candle high for you and all he other officers whom have lost their lives . I lve you always and forever!

Mother

May 5, 2014

In a few hours it will be 11 years since you were ripped away from all of us. I think of you every moment of every day and you will never be forgotten. It was such a joy to have you in my life and I will treasure every moment I was privileged to share with you. Cole you were more than just a cousin to me, on April 25, 2003 I lost my little brother and best friend all in one tragic event. I will never forget your smile and laugh and how special you were to everyone around you. So many people have reminded me this week that they haven't forgotten you and none of us every will. I look forward to the day that we are all together again.

I love you always and forever!

Lynn

Lynn

April 24, 2014

I have been thinking about what to say. All I keep thinking is that 11 years ago today you were alive going about the things you did experiencing life living your dream. Loving the people in your life not knowing this was the last day of your life. But 11 years ago this time you were alive. So much has changed in the last 11 years would you know us? We are so different not even close to the people we were. The core of us is still the same the soul is still the same what you loved about us is still the same but our lives are so changed. I cant help but think what you would be like today the core the same the soul the same but where would life have taken you. I cannot help but think of the grandbabies we would have had those lost never to be loved. I can close my eyes and almost shut my eyes and see them. I love you Cole so very much. Yes there has been tears there are always the tears. Driving down the road tears flow down my face as I think of you. In the house doing routine things I think of you and the tears flow. I miss you to my core. I love you with all that I am. I can still remember today that you were alive until 2:10 tonight. Funny how the brain works but that keeps going through my mind today almost as if you are alive for a short while. Thinking of calling you and talking to you though out the day. Those little things that are just some of the things we cannot do. So much is lost. My life. I love you my sweet son. Forever and always.

Mother

April 24, 2014

Almost 11 years since you left us. Still cant believe it, and still miss you every day. I still brag about what a great person you were. Just the best man I knew, and I couldn't come close to being half the man you were. Shine down on us til we meet again, brother.

Heath Hansird
Friend

April 23, 2014

Easter is always terribly difficult for me, probably moreso than other holidays. Maybe it's because I remember so vividly that it was the last holiday we spent together. There are days (like yesterday) that I just can't bear the thoughts of you, of us... The pain is so real and fresh, and it's unimaginable that it's been 11 years (almost) since I saw your smile. How could we have ever imagined what life would be like now after all these years without you?

Jessi

April 21, 2014

I miss you so much.

Lynn

Lynn

March 6, 2014

Hey Cole, missing you and Momma something terrible today. Momma's birthday is tomorrow. Please give her a hug and kiss for me and tell her I said Happy Birthday and that I love her. I love you Cole!

Love,
Lynn

Lynn

January 25, 2014

I miss you so much. Tears.

Mother

January 21, 2014

So many tears my baby. I love you so much it hurts.

Mother

January 10, 2014

2014 begins and I hate that it is going to be another year without you Cole. Life was so much happier with you in it. Some days I feel like a robot just going thru the motions without any feelings at all and other days I feel like my head is going to explode thinking about the "what ifs" or the "why couldn't I do anything to stop what happened to you" I hate when people say things happen for a reason because whatever reason it was that day that you were taken from all of us is just so wrong. I want to know where the reset button is so that I can push it and make the last 10 years and 8 months start over. I am thankful for the family and friends I. have right now but I would do anything to have you back even if it was only for a few hours. A few days ago I was looking at your Mom and I could see you in her. The eyes, the cheeks, the smile. I could have swore I was looking right at you and you were looking at me. I felt such a moment of warmth and happiness and yet at the same time I felt sorrow and grief because I knew you were gone. I don't know if that makes any sense at all but it was just so overwhelming at that moment. Your Mother loves you so much and misses you something terrible I would give anything to give you back to her. Please keep looking out for all of us and as I know you always do. I love you always and forever.
Love,
Lynn

Lynn

January 1, 2014

Merry Christmas Cole, I miss you and love you with all my heart!

Lynn

Lynn

December 25, 2013

Merry Christmas Cole. I love you with all my heart.

Mother

December 24, 2013

Cole you are heavy on my heart today. I keep having dreams about you and your dying. It is still just so hard to deal with. I know I keep saying it but I just miss you so much it hurts. I just wish I had 5 minutes just to see you and hold you and tell you how much I love you. Christmas is coming up again and I keep thinking it is just another one without you. I miss you Cole and love you forever and always.

Mother

December 12, 2013

COLE WAS A WONDERFUL PERSON I KNEW HIM WEN HE WAS A KID I KNEW HIS MOTHER FOR A LONG TIME HE I DEFINETELY MISSED HERE ON EARTH. IT DONT MAke since why he had to leave us but god needed him more he was loved by all. he will always be missed by me and many others watch over us cole till we see you there to by amy long

amy long
family friend

December 4, 2013

It's funny how "you" come up in conversation, even with people who I only met recently. They know nothing about what happened to you, but I find myself talking about you as if you just "left" yesterday. It's so hard to think about what my life was "supposed to" be like. I guess God had a different plan for me and you, even though I still don't understand it 10 1/2 years later. I totally know that I am who I am today because of you and everything that happened. I'm so thankful we had the time together that we did, although it will never seem like it was long enough. I guess I'm just having "one of those days" when the hurt and heartache is exceptionally real, raw, and fresh. Bottom line is... I. still. miss. you.

Jessi

November 21, 2013

Hi Cole I have not been on here but you are with me everyday. It has hurt so bad at times that I feel if I ever scream I will not be able to stop with the hurt of losing you. A friend made me a quilt with you uniforms your favorite jeans and khakis along with the roll call of heroes shirt from 2003 and Georgia cops shirt from 2003. It has your first Easter outfit in it and my shirt wrapped around your Easter outfit. I love it I want to be buried with it. There is also a pillow with your police academy shirt that you wore that last day. That last day and weeks up to it are so very clear in my mind. I love and miss you so much. I look at your pictures every day and see such a happy and loving young man that I miss with all my heart.

Momma

November 20, 2013

Missing you so very much tonight.
I love you!

Lynn

November 11, 2013

Cole I just read your reflection. You are never forgotten even when I am long gone you will still be here. Your name on the wall on the memorials. You will not be forgotten. That is something only Herod can say . Somehow at 3:15 in the morning that makes me feel whole for a moment because I don't want you ever forgotten a true hero in every way. I love you Cole, I miss you but I feel better tonight knowing someone found you among all of these too many names.

Mother

September 25, 2013

Somewhere among these many pages of heroes on this site I came across your name and thought I would stop at your page and leave a reflection. Over a decade has passed since you were called away from duty and I know that it has felt like a lifetime for those that love you dearly since they heard your voice, felt your warm touch and were able to see your warm smile. There are no special words I have to help them with their grief except that you have not been forgotten nor will the Blue Family ever let that happen. Continue to watch over your loved ones, wrap your wings around them and help them with their grief, comfort them. Thank you for you dedicated service to others. You have not been forgotten.

Bob Gordon
Father of Fallen Chicago Officer: Michael P. Gordon, EOW: 8/8/04

September 7, 2013

I love you Cole thinking of you always and forever.

Mother

September 6, 2013

Wishing you and Momma were here today for my birthday. I miss you both terribly. I am very blessed to have the best family and friends in the world. I only wish that all of us could have stay together forever but one day we will all be together in Heaven until then I carry you and Momma in my heart always! Love you!

Lynn

Lynn

August 7, 2013

Cole I wanted to tell you how much I love you. I miss you so much it hurts. I wish the hurt would go away but it want. I long to see you and talk to you. I hope you are with me. I always remember you and I never ever forget. I love you with all my heart. Momma

Mother

August 2, 2013

Happy 31st Birthday Cole. I love you and miss you so much we will see each other again and what a glorious day it will be. I took flowers to your grave and put new flowers at the memorial in Chatsworth. Red, white and blue for the 4th of July. Always remembered and always loved.

Mother

June 4, 2013